Hi,
Trying to get back into the norm takes so much energy, and I've been pushing myself to get this chapter out. I'm still feeling down, and it goes up and down. So if my chapters are weeks or months in between, I do apologize for the wait. I want to finish the story before the year ends, and I'm hopeful. Thank you for all the kind words; I needed them.
For this chapter, I felt nervous writing it, and I'm not sure what you guys will think about it, but I feel happy with it.
Happy April Fools!
Take care of yourselves.
Always and Forever,
Ari.
Warnings for all chapters: Mentions of death, funerals anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.
Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.
Chapter 31: Closet Sweetheart
"He is half of my soul, as the poets say."
― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles
11:16 a.m. Room 14, La Push High, La Push, Washington
Paul stared down at the notebook tracing his fingers against Laryssa's father, wondering how she would react if she knew he still had it. He could never bring himself to part with it. Paul wracked his mind with ways to make it up to her and still couldn't figure out how. Everything he could think of came up poor to the original painting she did.
"How are you?" Kim tapped her pen against her notebook, doodling hearts around her name. Paul paused, looking around to see if she was talking to him. He quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering where the sudden interest was coming from. They never talked about their feelings with each other. "Don't look at me like that."
"Fine, you?" Paul cringed internally at how awkward it sounded coming from his mouth. Kim rolled her eyes, setting her pen down to stare at him.
"Uncomfortable," Kim sighed, turning in her chair to look at him. "My best friend is dating you, and I'm dating yours, but I don't know anything about you."
Paul grinned, turning to look at her and closing the folder. "I know a lot about you," He teased her, hinting that Jared's thoughts always drifted to her. There were some things he wished he didn't know. "Twenty questions?"
Kim couldn't keep the blush off her cheeks before she shoved him at his implication of Jared. "Favorite thing to do?"
Paul thought about it. It was a mix-up of surfing, eating and sleeping, especially sharing it all with Laryssa. "Surfing. Favorite movie of all time?"
Kim tapped her fingernails on the desk, picking her pen up, "Halloween... Definitely Halloween." He held in his snort, finally a difference since Jared didn't like scary movies much. He couldn't understand Jared's perspective since all the horror movies were fake, and Jared would always point out there was some truth in them. "One thing you hate?"
"Peas," Paul grimaced, remembering how he had to sit at the table when he was younger until he finished them. He would stay there for hours until his dad got tired of waiting and shooed him off to bed. "Favorite anime?"
Kim paused her doodles, tapping her pen. "You like anime?" Paul shrugged; he had seen Jay watch it and tried to keep up as he explained the story. He didn't get Jay's obsession with it, but he liked how happy it made him explain. "Does SpongeBob count?" Kim tilted her head to think, "It is animated."
"I think so. You gotta ask Jay." Paul took a piece of paper and started to rip it. He felt antsy and couldn't ignore the thrumb underneath his skin; he wanted to run until he needed to catch his breath. "Your turn." She watched him, and he offered a piece to her.
"Least favorite thing to do," Kim took the offered paper, tearing it into tiny pieces and tapping her foot.
"Laundry," Paul glanced around the room, catching the eyes of some of the girls watching them closely. They looked away quickly when they realized he was looking at them. "Favorite hobby?"
"Nail art," Kim answered quickly, flashing her nails to him. Paul looked at her nails, realizing they had detailed flowers. It was pretty, especially the sunflowers. He didn't pay much mind to Laryssa and Kim gushing about them this morning, but he could see her skill. "Favorite breakfast?"
Paul glanced around the room again, seeing the girls continuing to take peeks at them. "Eggs, bacon, waffles and potatoes." He set the paper down, crossing his arms, knowing the rumor mill would spread. "Favorite book?"
"Don't worry about them. Everyone talks, you know that." Kim tried to soothe, setting the paper to the side. She had a nice small mountain of ripped paper. "Percy Jackson." Paul tried to relax, knowing it didn't mean anything, but that didn't stop the frustration from boiling. The last thing he wanted was to deal with something else; he was tired and knew Laryssa was too. "Want to stop?"
"Nope," Paul took some deep breaths calming himself. It was nice getting to know Kim, and he wished it didn't take him so long to get to know her.
Kim nodded, "If you could spend time with anyone, who would it be? Excluding your girlfriend."
Paul couldn't stop the grin when he realized he had her and could spend time with her whenever. He already did; he loved waking up next to her, curling around her in their bed, watching her when she painted at the table or listening to her as she hummed while she cooked. Paul opened his folder, pulling out the drawing to show Kim. "My dad or Mr. Chiago." Kim moved closer, staring at the drawing. Paul shoved down the worry that Kim would let it slip that she had it. "They talk about him constantly, and I wish I could've gotten to know him too."
Kim smiled, giving the drawing back to him. "You really are a closet sweetheart, aren't you?" Paul slid the drawing back into his folder, feeling better it was back in the folder as he rolled his eyes at her. "This was how you met, right?" He traced the boot print, nodding. "Does she know you have it?" He shook his head, closing the folder feeling like Laryssa would take it from him and refuse to give it back to him. She hated seeing that she had artwork that wasn't up to par with her standards. It wasn't his, but he cherished it. "Your secret is safe with me."
"Thanks, Kim," She grinned at him, flinching when the bell rang. "Or should I say, Mrs. Cameron?" He teased, backing away when she swung her bag at him. "No need to get violent, Mrs. Cameron!" Paul grabbed his things to keep from laughing at her deceptive annoyed face.
"Lahote!"
11:45 a.m. Cafeteria, La Push High, La Push, Washington
Laryssa sat beside him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. He watched her tear into her peanut butter sandwich, wondering why she disliked the grape jelly. "Jared, you want my carrots?"
Jared nodded, gesturing to his apple with his mouth full. She traded him, taking a big bite of the apple and humming. Laryssa peered at him, questioning him with a quirk of her eyebrow. He shook his head, putting his hand on the hand in her lap, squeezing her hand five times. Her lips tilted up, and she squeezed his back five times, letting go of his hand to eat.
Laryssa's attention was drawn to Embry as they argued about their science assignment. Paul focused back on his lunch, listening to the people around them. He sat up straight when he heard his name being whispered.
"I'm telling you, Paul and Kim were whispering and smiling at each other," He tilted his head, seeing the girls from earlier huddle among themselves. "I told you Laryssa wasn't going to last that long... it's only a matter of time. He's probably bored of her." Paul shuddered, feeling anger start to simmer underneath his skin. They didn't deserve this. "Sucks for her, but what did she expect?" Time and time again, he wished he could change his past.
He tried to focus on the deep breathing that Sam had him doing to calm himself before he shifted, "What do they see in Kim?" His mind flashed to how Jared thought about her; she wasn't his Laryssa, but she was different yet kind and strong.
Another girl laughed, "what did he see in Laryssa?" Paul wanted to tell them she was everything to him, and they would never be on her level.
Paul gritted his teeth; the deep breathing was worthless. He could feel the tremors starting. A warm hand reached for his hand, gently uncurling his fist, causing the tremors to cease. He faltered, glancing at Laryssa continuing her conversation with Embry, not drawing attention to him so his brothers didn't intervene and create a big scene. She intertwined their hands, squeezing twice, silently asking if he was okay.
Paul squeezed her hand once, leaning towards her to lightly knock his head against her. He drowned out their conversation and focused on her, letting his heart calm. Once he felt better, he straightened up, gently squeezing her hand, letting her go to focus on his food.
"We are busy this weekend," Laryssa grinned, and he knew she was excited about the camping trip he proposed yesterday. "I haven't been camping in years."
Paul stared at her blinding grin and was transported to when he first asked her.
Flashback
"I'll never let you go, lover," Laryssa grinned down at him, holding his hands captive above his head. He had started it when he dug his fingers into her sides, and she had captured him in retaliation. "But, you have to grant me one wish." Paul moved, getting himself comfortable on the sheets, letting her pin him to the bed. Laryssa moved closer to him, and he lifted his head, trying to brush his nose against hers, and she pulled back out of his reach, and he glowered at her smirk.
"My firecracker, I'll grant you all your wishes and more," Her smirk turned into a full grin. "As long as you keep me forever." Her lower lip was tugged between her teeth, and she let his hands go, grasping them to settle on her waist. Her face flushed pink when he sat up, pulling her flush against him, and her hands settled on his shoulders, locking her hands behind his head.
"I, your firecracker, promise to keep you forever." He could see her pupils expand, and she brushed her nose against his. The moment changed instantly, and Paul felt like his nerves were on fire, and they sang each time she brushed against him.
Paul could taste the sweetness in the air and needed to be closer to her. "I, your lover, promise to grant you all your wishes and more." She shivered in his arms, pulling back to look down at him from her position on his lap. She moved so she was eye level with him, and her fingers trailed from his shoulders until she cupped his face, stroking his skin. Her eyes held his for a moment before they snapped to his lips when he wet them. Paul wanted to take control, to shower her with love, but he held off, letting her take the lead. The tip of her thumb brushed his bottom lip, and before he could kiss the tip of her thumb, she moved it, pressing her lips to his. Everything left and heightened simultaneously, and all he could feel was her. She nibbled on his lower lip, and he groaned in her mouth, moving, so she was splayed underneath him. Laryssa grinned into the kiss, not caring about the changed position. Her left leg hooked on his hip, pulling him until he was flush against her again. His hands moved under her-his shirt, pressing his palms into her skin, stroking and feeling her skin to memorize her. Paul broke the kiss, giving her time to catch her breath as he moved to her jaw, pressing kisses there, slowly moving his hands until he felt the underside of her breast. He glanced up at her as he continued to leave kisses wherever his lip touched and tsked when he noticed her biting her lower lip and felt her fingers dig into his hair. Paul moved, brushing his finger against her lips, gently easing her swollen lip from her teeth, "Remember, I want to hear you properly."
Laryssa's eyes shot open, her blown-out pupils meeting his, and she flushed. He grinned at her and moved his hand, stroking the side of her breast. She moaned, and it was the hottest thing he had ever heard. "Please..." Paul shivered at the thought of her begging him. Her hand untangled itself from his hair and rested on his face, "I want you." She wrapped her legs around his waist, and he couldn't stop as he rolled his hips into her; the groan left his lips quickly, and he noticed her breathing falter. His breath stuttered in his chest at the nerves exploding pleasure.
"I want you too," He breathed, moving to kiss her softly. Just as he was about to deepen the kiss, he pulled back, hearing Jay trudging down the rocky pathway. He knew he wouldn't be able to if he didn't pull away now. "Jay's home." Paul pressed a small kiss to her lips quickly, getting up to take a cold shower. Laryssa whined lowly, staring at him, "Patience, sweetheart." She pouted at him before burying herself under the blankets. He understood it because it was hard for him to have patience, and he sat beside her in the lump of blankets. "Let's go camping this weekend. You and me."
The blanket moved, and she poked her head out, her hair sticking to the blankets. "But Jay. I don't wanna leave him by himself this weekend."
"Didn't he say he would hang out with Billy?" Paul asked, trying to remember what Jay had said this morning about his weekend plans.
Her eyes brightened, and she nodded, grinning up at him. Paul's eyes wandered down her neck, staring at the red marks on her neck. "It's a date, then." He kissed her head, moving to the restroom quickly when he heard the front door squeak open.
End of Flashback
"Hey, Laryssa," Paul glanced up at the newcomer. She looked like a freshman with short stature, chubby cheeks, and a nervous demeanor. She clutched a medium-sized box in her hands. Her gaze stayed on the box in her hands, and he could see the slight quiver in her hands.
Laryssa turned, grinning widely at the girl, and the girl seemed to relax a little, "Hi Claire, one sec," Laryssa grabbed her back, mumbling about her messy bag. "Sorry, my bag is a mess," She dug around in her backpack while the girl stood awkwardly off to the side. Laryssa hummed excitedly when she pulled out a box of her new expensive favorite colored pencils. She handed it off to Claire, and Paul watched the exchange with worried eyes, and Laryssa took the box gently. He saw the insane prices for the pencils. "I don't know how to thank you," Laryssa's voice was soft, and he couldn't help but wonder what was in the box.
Claire smiled, tucking the pencils closer to her chest like someone would come and take them from her. "This is more than enough," Claire said, glancing at Laryssa and around the table before she abruptly started staring at her shoes. Paul heard a sharp intake of breath, and he turned, noticing Quil staring at Claire with his mouth open. "I... uh. Gotta get back. See you in class."
"I'll walk with you," Laryssa moved, pushing the rest of her sandwich towards him, as she gathered her things quickly, not letting the box go, and Paul moved to follow, "I'll be right back."
"Laryssa, aren't you going to introduce your friend," Embry called loudly, causing Clarie to startle.
Laryssa glanced at Embry, furrowing her eyebrows before his eyes darted to Quil. She turned to Quil before she grinned at his dazed expression. Laryssa smiled at Paul, reaching out to set her hand on his shoulder, "course." Paul set his hand on top of hers, grinning at the dumb expression on Quil's face. "They look intimidating, but they are just a bunch of overgrown puppies," She smirked, listening to the groans of the others.
"Ain't that the truth," Kim snorted, covering her mouth when Jared turned to her with a pout.
"Claire, meet Embry," Laryssa pointed at him, and he wiggled his eyebrows at her, wincing when Quil shoved him. "My boyfriend Paul, Kim, Jared, Jake, and last but certainly not least, Quil, the only decent cook out of the bunch."
"Why didn't you say anything nice about us," Jake complained, glaring at her, and Paul glowered back at him.
"Quil brought me a very good pasta yesterday," Laryssa ignored him, returning to Claire, who sent a small smile to the others. Her nails dug into the colored pencils tin. "Remind me how you made it, Quil?" Claire's gaze lingered on Quil, looking him up and down before looking away quickly when Quil looked up at her.
"Yeah, only because he still feels bad that he almost killed her," Jake murmured under his breath so only the other guys could hear, and Paul shoved his elbow into his side, causing him to choke on his water.
Quil grimaced at Jake, "I..uh... well..." He tripped over his words, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Claire, I think you're in our gym class. You started a few months ago, right?" Kim cut in, saving Quil from his mumbles. Claire nodded, her face flushing, "Wait, are you Claire Young, related to Emily Young?"
"That's me," Claire stated quietly, and Laryssa let go of Paul moving towards her.
"C'mon, I know you gotta get back," Laryssa smiled, and Claire took a soft breath. Laryssa winked at Paul, gesturing to Quil, who had his face in his hands.
Kim stood up, hiking her bag onto her shoulder, "I'm not staying here with all the testosterone." Kim tucked her arm with Laryssa, and they followed after Claire. Paul could see the tension leave when Claire left the crowded lunch room.
Jared moved to sit beside Quil, "need to head out early?" Paul bit into the leftover sandwich, disgust welling up at the dry taste of the peanut butter and bread.
"I'm an idiot," Quil trembled, and Jared sighed, gesturing to Paul. Paul shoved the sandwich away, getting up and sending Sam a message. "I couldn't say what the dish was, and she looked at me like I was stupid. Did you see how beautiful she was?"
"Come on, lover boy," Jared laughed, tugging him up, gesturing for Jake and Embry to clean up. "Leave it to Laryssa and Kim to talk you up. For whatever reason, they have a soft spot for you. Seth, we get but you, not so much."
Paul snorted, grabbing Quil's things while Jared lugged him out of the cafeteria. "She checked you out, so you might be an idiot to her; at least she thinks you're attractive for reasons unknown." Quil turned his big brown eyes to Paul, and he rolled his eyes, wishing he had kept his mouth shut, "Yes, really, now let's go."