Hi,

It's been a while! So sorry about the wait, but I've been going through some health stuff, and it's been rough. I also recently had surgery, and I must say surgery sucks! Also, thank you, everyone, for the recs! I've been slowly going through them.

Anyway, I hope you like the new chapter.

Take care of yourselves.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings for all chapters: Mentions of death, funerals anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 33: Everything's Okay

"I don't need magic; I need your arms around me at 3:29 a.m. When the dark is too much, I need you to be real when nothing else is."

― a.r. asher

3:00 a.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

Paul jerked from his sleep, staring up at the ceiling. He blinked rapidly, trying to slow his heart down. His teeth hurt from trying his hardest not to growl and wake the others. He wanted to close his eyes and get back to sleep, yet he knew he would see the leech behind his eyes if he did. He had done so well by not having a nightmare in weeks. A heavy pressure built itself on his chest, and no matter how much he tried to breathe, it wouldn't lessen. The dark room felt suffocating, like things were lurking in its shadows.

A diminutive snort jolted him from his breathing exercises, and Paul blinked rapidly, turning his head to look at Laryssa. Half her face was pushed into the pillow, her lips parted with small snores, and her dark hair was displayed wildly over the pillow. He concentrated on her snores, gently reminding himself that she was breathing. Paul felt his heart slow as he looked at her, and he wanted to pull her close but refused the impulse to wake her. He let out a deep breath, urging himself to get up once he felt more stable. Paul sat up from the warmth of the bed, planting his feet on the cool floor, trying to let it soothe his system. The floor felt warm after a while, the bugs outside buzzing were drowning out her breathing, and he placed his head in his hands, taking steady deep breaths, trying to drown everything out.

Paul heard the blankets shuffling, and a warm hand settled on his lower back. "P... aul," he faltered, pulling his hands away and turning slightly, seeing her settling closer to him. His eyes focused on her sleepy gaze.

"Go back to sleep," Paul murmured, turning fully to face her. He trailed his finger against her cheek. "Everything's okay."

He tried to grin when she pushed her cheek closer to him. "S'not, bad dream?" Laryssa grasped his hand in hers, blinking rapidly, trying to wake herself. He could see her body was heavy with sleep, yet she pushed herself up. Paul tried to soothe her back to lying down, but she ignored him, moving to press herself closer to his back, sliding her other hand to rest on his stomach.

"Bad dream," He mumbled, confirming the dream, letting his head fall forward, irritated that he couldn't go back to sleep, and he woke her up. Her hand rubbed his stomach, squeezing his other hand. She rested against his back, her small hums encompassing the room, simply waiting until he was ready to talk. "Didn't mean to wake you," he leaned against her, his hand intertwining with hers.

"I know," She pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Laryssa squeezed him again, "When you are ready, my love." He leaned a little more on her, and she readjusted to hold him better. Her humming started again, and he shivered as she stroked his stomach. "I love that you are ticklish," Paul tilted his head, his lips quirking up when she caused goosebumps to rise on his skin. She hooked her chin on his shoulder, her hand never stopping its ministrations of tracing every shape onto his skin.

"It's fucking stupid," His voice broke before he could stop it. Laryssa's eyes softened, her fingers wavering on the oval she drew, and frustration burned through him. He needed her to know that he was talking about the nightmare, and the last thing he wanted was for this to go away because of his loose lips, "not that I'm ticklish. I didn't mean-"

"I know," she cut him off gently. "Breathe, my love." Laryssa resumed her ministrations, squeezing his hand tightly. "Look at me." She said, and his body burned with mortification at how sensitive he was being. He loved her infinite patience, yet there were times when he couldn't help but be thwarted by her actions. Working with anger and frustration was known to him, and being met with patience was still strange. "Look at me," She repeated firmly, and his eyes met hers. Laryssa smiled at him, "Nothing with you is ever stupid. Understand me?"

"Yeah," Paul let his body try and relax into her. He didn't realize how much he had tensed up. "I meant the nightmare I had was fucking stupid."

"Cold one?" Her voice was quiet, and his body tensed back up. He hated the influence it had on his life. He hated them. Paul nodded, biting his lip. Her fingers pressed against him firmly, causing him to focus on the stars and hearts as she tried to soothe his body. He focused on her fingers, "I'm all ears." Her words were simple, and he brought their intertwined hands to his chest.

"I haven't had it in weeks. For some fucking reason, we can't fucking catch it, and I'm sick of it taunting us." He released a shaky breath and didn't want his nightmares to leave his mind's prison. Again, Paul focused on her ministrations, realizing she was drawing words into his skin. The words she drew were coated in strength and love. Her words asked for him to trust. "We catch it, and it's finally gone; then I come home to everything gone. Our family was wiped out with nothing left." The admittance of the nightmare into the early morning had Paul's eyes burning at the thought of his family being gone. He closed his eyes, and he could see the room, limbs strewn across the room, furniture broken, and blood spatter from a monster. The leech had made them suffer, and he was nowhere near them when they needed him.

Laryssa squeezed him, pressing her cheek against his. "I'm sorry, Paul."

"Stupid, right," He asked, opening his eyes and tightening his fingers again. "Damn dream." He let go of her hand, turning to face her. She opened her arms, and like a moth drawn to a light, he moved towards her, resting his head on her chest. "It's still early; go back to sleep."

"Want to," Laryssa asked, rubbing her hand down his spine and the other tangling in his hair. He didn't like the idea of sleep after the nightmare. He shook his head, and she hummed, her fingers magic against his skin. "I wish I could take it from you. Protect you from the nightmare." Her voice was soft, and she tightened her grip on him. It can be hard to let go of the nightmares and move past them, but what can help is remembering and reassuring yourself that the cold ones have nothing on you or your brothers. Your brothers are strong and smart as they guard us while you are out looking for the cold ones. Right?"

Paul thought of Embry and Quil always running back and forth, ensuring the safety of everyone. He trusted them deeply and recalled their memories of keeping close to the boundary. "Right." Laryssa leaned down, pressing her lips to his forehead. He closed his eyes, listening for Jay's heartbeat, and he let out a soft breath when he heard it steady, accompanied by his snoring. Paul opened his eyes, the room was still dark, yet it didn't feel as suffocating as before. "I love you too," he made himself more comfortable in her arms, replying to her drawn words on his skin.

8:52 a.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

I moved quietly from the room, letting Paul sleep longer. The house was quiet as I walked through. I glanced at Jay hanging off the couch and his mouth wide open. I fixed his blanket, tucking it around him when I noticed how cold his skin was. He didn't have a 200-pound protector hanging off him. I needed to get him back in his bed soon and Grace out of the house. I trekked to the kitchen, rubbing my chilly arms. I opened the fridge, grimacing at the reminder that I needed to go to the grocery store today. I let out a small groan, closing the fridge with a quiet click. I weighed the pros and cons of going now. It was lightly raining, which was better than it would be if I went later in the day, but more people would be there with the same idea. The paper bags always tore when pouring, but paper was better than plastic for the environment. I harshly rubbed my eyes before tugging on the ends of my strands. I was lollygagging, and I knew I should just go now.

I turned, freezing, when I saw Paul shuffling by his door. Paul let out a big yawn as he scratched his chin. His hair was mused from when I tangled my hands in it earlier. I smiled at him and how comfy he looked. His broad shoulders were scrunched in, his basketball shorts were put on inside out, over his boxers, and hung low on his hips. My eyes trailed up from his hips to his face, and his grin was wide when he caught me checking him out. "Like what you see?" His hand moved down to his abs, trailing over them lightly like I had done earlier.

My hand twitched towards him as if it had a mind of its own. I flushed at his words, and I wanted him more than anything. Before I could question it, I moved towards him, pushing him gently back into his room. With a quiet click, I pulled the door shut with us, and his grin turned alluring that a shiver raced up my spine. Once I was near him, his radiating warmth encased me. My hand drifted under his calloused hand that caressed his skin, and I pressed my palm to his skin, grinning when I felt a tremble flit across his body. I wanted to turn the tables against him. Desire pooled at the bottom of my belly as I followed the exact movements he had done earlier, "Lover, why must you tease me?" My voice was quiet, but it felt like I was shouting between us. His body trembled again, and a surge of satisfaction and possession ran through my body. I took the chance to look up at him when he didn't answer me. His eyes were dark, and pride took hold when I realized he was like this because of me. I smirked, glancing at my hand and his abs flexing, "I'm guessing it's because you know how much I love it." I let my hand skim lower, hooking my finger in his basketball shorts, snapping the elastic against him.

Paul's hand snuck into my hair and tugged at the roots of my hair lightly, so I was looking at him again. My heart pounded in my chest when my belly clenched with excitement, and his hand tightened, so I couldn't look away. A pleased sigh escaped my mouth, and my vision went dark. "We can't," his raspy voice raised goosebumps on my skin, and I suddenly needed to feel his hands on me, so I pushed closer to him. "Laryssa," He warned, tilting my head back further, and my eyes popped open to stare into his beautiful eyes. "I love you, you damn temptress." Paul inhaled sharply, taking a few calming breaths.

I grinned at him, unashamed that I was pushing us toward the edge. The thought of jumping over with him was exhilarating. "I love you too," I pulled his face closer to mine, brushing my nose against his or attempting to with his firm grip on my hair. "I'm sorry, Paul."

Paul's fingers loosened, and I craved them to strengthen. "No, you're not," He rolled his eyes, brushing his nose against mine, and I was semi-content. I knew his rationality on why we couldn't, which made me want him more than anything.

"No, I'm not," I agreed, and I felt his body shake with laughter. "I'm not so patient anymore."

Paul quickly pressed his lips to mine before peppering kisses all over my face. I giggled, relishing his attention. "Oh, I can tell my firecracker," I smirked, moving my hands to lock around his neck. "You keep me on my toes."

"Sounds fun, but so does staying in that bed," I gestured to his comfy bed. "Y'know, it's big enough for us and whatever we decide to do." Paul closed his eyes, breathing deeply, and I could feel my toes skimming the ledge, and I took a deep breath myself. I kissed his cheek, "But since we can't, perhaps, we can soon." I glanced down at the alarm clock, knowing I should go. I pressed my head against him, "I'll behave now, and try my very best to be patient, Scout's honor."

Paul snorted, "You telling me you were a girl scout?" I nodded, staying pressed against him while he tried to decipher if I was lying or telling the truth. "You're lying."

"I am," I laughed when he brushed against my ticklish side. "Almost got you there." I pulled back, resting my hand on his heart, feeling how fast it beat. "I'll be patient because our comfort is worth it."

I glanced up at him, he smiled, and my heart soared higher. "Such a good sweetheart," Paul's praise warmed me from head to toe. "You are so good to me, my confident heart." Paul moved his hand to my face, sweeping his thumb over my cheek. "Aren't you?" I nodded quickly, trying to stop the simmering heat in my belly from rising again. I watched his movements, and his head tilted to the door. "Keep being good and patient for me, okay?"

"Okay," I answered, wondering what he was hearing. I couldn't hear anything. "I should get dressed to go get some groceries."

Paul kissed my temple, "Let's go together." He pulled away, gathering some clothes. I watched him before moving to the drawers he put my clothes in. "You going to shower?"

"Yeah, I should be done in twenty. Go then?" I gathered a clean bra and underwear to find my favorite black fleece leggings. I hummed excitedly when I found them and rummaged through his old clothes until I found his brown flannel. I stood holding my clothes to my chest, lifting an eyebrow at him when he didn't answer.

"Sounds good," Paul cleared his throat, the tips of his ears turning pink. He stepped back, knocking on the shut door, balling his clothes in his hands, "I'll use the other restroom."

"Okay," My lips twitched at his clumsiness. He fumbled, opening the door, and it felt like my heart would burst with how much I loved him. He closed the door behind him, and I touched my hair, feeling the phantom feeling of his hand in my hair.

10:48 a.m. Grocery Store, Forks, Washington

Paul parked the car, and I surveyed the parking lot seeing fewer cars than I anticipated. The rain continued to drizzle, and I took my hair down from my bun. I messaged my temples at the tension headache. "You okay?"

"My hair is too heavy," I ran my fingers through it, hoping it wasn't too bushy. "Ready?"

Paul nodded, turning off the car. I got out, pulling the cart next to the car. Paul met me at the back of the car, taking over and pushing the cart. "What do we need to get?"

I pulled the list from my front pocket, "Want to split it?"

Paul looked at the list, and he grimaced, "No."

I chuckled, "What's with the frown?"

"When you send me to the store, I need to know exactly what to get. I don't know what most of that stuff is," Paul sighed, directing the cart toward the fruits and veggies.

He talked about me keeping him on his toes, but he never considered how he always stunned me. The little things of preparing for the future always felt nice and provided hope and security. "I'll teach you," I grasped the cart's side heading to the store's opposite side. "I usually start at this side first since the perishable foods are closer to the checkout."

While we walked through the aisles, he asked questions about my chosen items. He listened with rapt attention when I explained why I chose something instead of the other or when I explained couponing; I didn't realize how something as simple as grocery shopping could feel so intimate. It was like it was only the two of us, and we were running a simple errand in our little world. Paul laughed when tasked with getting the stuff off the taller shelves.

"So, what are we making for breakfast?" Paul rubbed his stomach, eyeing the bag of grapes.

"No, we need to wash them first," I reminded, putting in the bananas. I started checking the cart, ready to head to check out. "I don't know. Maybe we should let Jay choose?"

"Laryssa, babe, really," He murmured, reaching forward, tempted by the grapes. I moved them away from his reach. "I will burn it off," Paul pleaded, and I shook my head at his pleading face. "Just one?"

"Be patient like a good lover," I teased, pulling the cart towards the checkout. Paul laughed, moving with me before faltering at the line. I stopped, wondering why he was hesitating. "what's wrong?" I glanced at the short line, not seeing anything out of place.

Paul shook his head, sending a sheepish grin. "We are safe." I relaxed at his reassurance, putting the stuff on the conveyer belt. "What do you need me to do?"

Paul started handing me items, messing up the counting in my head. "Come on this side of me; when she starts ringing stuff up, you can help by bagging the items. Paper, no plastic."

"Sounds good, sweetheart," Paul moved, his hand coming up to my hip, squeezing gently as he stood before me. He stood at the end of the counter, tapping it, waiting for the groceries to come his way.

"Good morning," the cheery cashier greeted, and I smiled, getting ready to return the greeting only to see her gaze on Paul. She tucked her short brown hair behind her ear, scanning the items slowly, her brown eyes darting to him after every scan. She seemed to be around our age and met my gaze before returning to scanning.

"Morning," He returned the greeting, focusing on filling the paper bags. I bit my lower lip, trying to smother my grin as I finished loading the groceries. "Laryssa, can you push the cart down?"

I pushed the cart to him, "I can take over," I offered, setting my wallet on the little table with the coupons.

"Nope, I've got it." He murmured, putting the eggs on the bottom of the paper bag. His lips quirked up, and he glanced at me, sending a wink.

"Busy morning," I asked the cashier, noticing the sour look on her tan face. She shrugged, staying silent. "Here are the coupons," I handed them to her, and she snatched them, ringing them. I quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering who pissed in her apple juice.

"Cash or Card?" Her voice was still cheery, but she focused on Paul. I rolled my eyes, knowing how ridiculously attractive he was and how many women loved to try and win his attention. I briefly wondered if I would ever get used to it, I hated it when they looked at him with hunger in their eyes.

I cleared my throat, "Card." She tapped her screen a few times, helping him bag the rest of the groceries. I punched in my information, watching her eagerly hand him the bags she had packed. She grabbed the receipt when it printed and held it out to him, grinning. I took a deep breath, trying to shove down the irritation as I took the receipt from her fingers, "Thank you. Have a good day."

"Bye, Paul," She said, smirking, "It was good to see you; maybe we can hang out again soon."

Paul ignored her, staring at me. I could see the hunch in his shoulders that wasn't there earlier, and I wouldn't let that ruin the morning. "Ready," Paul asked, gripping the cart with his left hand, holding his right hand out to me. The solace sealed the warmth in my chest. "I'm hungry. Let's just stop somewhere and get food." I took it, fiddling with the receipt, and he tightened his hand around mine. "I'm sorry," He murmured when we left the store.

"For what, handsome," I squeezed his hand back, "being attractive," I grinned at him, trying to reassure him and bring back what we had earlier. "What about some breakfast burritos?"

"Laryssa," Paul muttered dejectedly, unlocking the trunk. I stopped him, turning him so that he faced me. "She was one of them, before you and after Tiffany. I should've done more."

I kissed his cheek, "You don't need to apologize, okay? Sure, it was irritating, but you're with me, so it sucks for her. But that's on her, not you. Besides, we've talked about it, Paul. I'm okay and didn't need you to do anything." I let him go starting to load the trunk. "Y'know, doing something so mundane feels so good with you. Sometimes, it blows my mind how we can do things like this for the rest of our lives."

He loaded the last three bags shutting the trunk. Paul moved quickly, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my lips. He let me go, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Our whole lives," He promised, and I beamed at him.

Paul's head bumped against mine when his stomach growled loudly, "C'mon, Handsome, let's get you some food before it decides to eat itself." I rubbed his stomach before breaking away from him. "I'll drive," I snagged the keys from his pants, and his arms wrapped around me, snagging the keys. "Nooo!" I fought uselessly to try and get the keys, but he held them out of my reach.

"I'm driving. Nice try," Paul grinned, herding me into the passenger seat. He shut the door, moving to drag the cart back into its holder. I admired him from the window pulling the seatbelt, watching as he fixed the carts so they would fit. He jogged to the driver's seat before it started to pour. "Why do you always fight me for the keys?" He pulled on his seatbelt.

"Babe, I hardly drive anywhere anymore. Sometimes I miss it," I said, taking his hand when he pulled out of the parking lot. "I'm a safe driver." He intertwined our fingers, kissing the top of my hand. "So, burritos?"

"I know you are. You can drive next time, promise," Paul said, pulling into the little corner food store. "Yes, burritos. My stomach is turning on itself." Paul parked, "The usual?" I nodded, letting go of his hand. "Be right back. Lock the door." Paul got out, running to the shelter of the little shop. He gestured to the locks, and I locked it, shooting him a thumbs up. I winced when the wind picked up, and he was pelted by the rain. Paul yanked open the door and disappeared into the shop. I turned on the music, humming along as I tried to figure out the makes and models of the vehicles passing on the road through the rain. "Babe! Door!" I jumped when Paul knocked on the window, and I rushed to unlock it. He threw open the door, and I immediately felt terrible with how drenched he was.

"Damn, it's pouring; it's going to be a pain in the ass for Jared." He looked way too happy about how miserable Jared would be.

I unlocked my seat belt, moving to get the emergency towel in my spare bag. I dabbed the towel over the water dripping from Paul's hair. "Sorry, Lover." He shook his head, and I froze, feeling all the water hit my face. "Feeling less sorry." Paul snickered, using his thumb to wipe away the water. "Brat." I grabbed the bag from his hand, putting the towel in it. He wiped his face before leaning over me. His nose brushed against my cheek, and he pulled back, clicking my seatbelt. I rolled my eyes at him, trying to be sweet. I peered in the bag seeing six big burritos. The longer it stayed on my lap, the more warmth spread across my lap. "Smells good."

"I'll give you a bite of one," Paul smirked, clicking his seatbelt before pulling out of the parking space.

"Punk," I smiled, ruffling his drenched hair. He placed his hand on my knee, squeezing gently, launching into how the person before him had a weird order and how he thought it was something Jared would eat. I placed my hand over his, listening intently while he described exactly how Jared's night would go. I adored him, falling in love deeper with him.

I love you.