Hi All,

I hope everyone is well! I am currently sick and found the drive to write the chapter.

Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

Take care of yourselves.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings for all chapters: No minors, sexual situations, Mentions of death, funeral anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 800.656.4673

Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 38: Brutally Honest

"And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he'd done for me. For what I felt for him."

― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

3:26 a.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington

Paul leaned against the truck, listening to Embry ask Kim a million questions about his math homework. Kim did her best to teach the fool, and Paul could see her patience dwindling through her short words. Paul turned, seeing Quil and Claire drifting closer yet continuing to skirt around each other, shy grins on their face as they whispered to each other. It would've been easier if they just took the plunge. He rolled his eyes and shuffled his feet, waiting for Laryssa and Jared to pull up. Jared said they might be late. Yet Paul couldn't stop fidgeting. Kim tossed her pencil at him loudly, saying, "Paul, if you sigh again, I'm going to kick you where the sun doesn't shine."

"I dare you to try it, nails," He growled at her, breaking the pink lead pencil. She glowered at him, stepping around Embry, and he stood up straighter, towering over her. She scowled up at him, and Embry tugged her back.

"Paul, quit it, man," Embry sighed, taking another pencil from his bag. "Stop trying to start a fight," He handed the pencil to Kim, returning to his notebook.

Paul rolled his eyes, catching Jay and Seth breaking for the woods. "Seth...Jayden," He bellowed, scowling at the others in the parking lot when they turned to stare at him. The two idiots hesitated, glancing at him. He gestured for them to stay on school grounds. Jay rolled his eyes, gesturing to the woods, and Paul cut off his growl, "You know better, Seth; get your asses in the building. Now." Seth straightened, tugging Jay towards the building; Jay dragged his feet, arguing every bit of the way, "Damn, kids."

"Why are you being so uptight today," Kim brushed against his arm, tugging her coat tighter. "I know your patience runs thin most of the time, but this is too extreme. Snapping at us and them. You've been increasing these past few days. Are you okay?"

"Peachy," The word was gritted through his teeth. Kim sighed, daring to gently pat his arm before returning to Embry. She attempted to teach the idiot again, and he felt his frustration increase when Embry struggled to simplify the equation.

Paul wanted to close his eyes and relax, yet his body continued to thrum with unwanted energy. Physically, he felt he could take on any threat and still have leftover energy. Yet, he also felt he was mentally wearing himself to the bone and needed a break from all the responsibilities. The leech kept daring to move into their territory, and it felt like no break was in sight. It didn't help Jay push the boundaries and whip out his attitude when he didn't agree with Laryssa. It didn't help that he was worried about Laryssa. No matter how much she attempted to reassure him and work with Jay, he could see the cracks in her mask. His gut told him she wasn't okay. She moved on too easily, brushing off everything like it didn't affect her. Everything he knew impacted him, and he didn't know how she moved forward with the act that everything was fine. He wouldn't have seen the mask if he didn't pay attention to her. When they were outside the house, she always seemed on edge, and then there were the small moments where her mask cracked, and he could see that she was struggling before she rebuilt it with reinforcements, so all he could see was the artificial reassuring smile, that did not reassure him one bit.

Paul leaned against the truck, closing his eyes to calm the urge to find and protect. Since the incidents, he only left her side to patrol or when they had different classes. With everything, it felt like he failed as her protector. Multiple incidents happened that he couldn't protect her from, and even though she was with Jared, the urge to hide her away still burned bright. He reassured himself that she was safe with Jared in Forks and that Jared would watch out for her.

A clammy hand touched his arm, and he opened his eyes, staring at Kim's worried eyes. "Time for class." He nodded, straightening, trailing slowly after Kim. She stopped, waiting for him to walk beside her, "I'm worried about them too. I mean... I always worry about Jared, but Laryssa keeps telling me she is fine when I don't think she is." Kim breathed deeply, "I'm sure she will talk when she is ready; as for the problem, you guys will get it and take care of it."

Paul nodded at her, bumping her shoulder. Her observation caused him to feel a little bit better. Guilt churned in his stomach when he realized that he was an asshole to her, and she continued to reassure him, "Thanks for the words of wisdom, Mrs. Cameron." Kim rolled her eyes, grinning widely. Before she turned to make her way down the hallway, he stopped her by tugging on the sleeve of her jacket, "Sorry about being an ass earlier." Paul didn't bother with the explanation of his pissy mood. He needed to be better at controlling his temper. Kim didn't deserve the brunt of what he was feeling.

"I forgive you, but you owe me another pink pencil," Kim laughed, rubbing her hands together.

He sighed before grinning, "Fine."

They separated, and everyone parted the hallway, letting him walk through easily. It felt different without Laryssa beside him. With her, it was easier to block the girls out and relish in the comfort of her and him. Before he imprinted, occasionally, he relished in the attention; now, it pissed him off. He ignored the girls calling out his name and their attempts to gain his attention. Paul stopped at his locker, yanking it open, staring at the neon pink post-it note she had left when she had Jared break into it to leave him snacks when he overslept when they first started dating.

Paul,

I hope you got a good sleep and had sweet dreams. You deserve to sleep in. I got these for you.

Sorry for breaking into your locker; I hope it's okay.

P.S. You don't have to share; I already bribed Jared.

Laryssa

Under the post-it note was the picture he taped to his locker. He captured it, and it was one of his favorite ones of her. She was sitting on the tailgate of his truck dressed in comfy clothes as she looked towards the sky, caught in a mid-laugh. He couldn't remember what caused her to laugh while they debated surviving a zombie apocalypse. He could remember the debate that he wouldn't be infected if he bit a zombie in wolf form. However, Paul could only recall that she tackled him for his phone when she heard the camera sound, trying to erase the photo, only for her to be distracted when he kissed her deeply. His fingers traced against the photo before he grabbed his books and shoved them in his bag. Someone leaned against the wall next to his locker, and he didn't bother to glance at them.

"Hey," a quiet voice whispered, and he slammed his locker shut. "Can we talk?" Paul glanced at Tiffany, briefly wondering when she decided to move back. He moved past her, shrugging her hand off his arm when she grabbed him. "Paul, please..."

Paul kept walking, and she followed him, trying to get his attention. He could hear the whispers of the others. He heard one of the girls whisper the accusation of him cheating, and his blood boiled. He stopped abruptly, feeling Tiffany crash into his back. Paul pivoted to the round-faced girl, "What the fuck did you say?" Round-face's eyes widened, and she bit her lip, avoiding his gaze. "Who the fuck gave you the right to spread false rumors? Don't any of you have anything better to do than gossip? Stop being invasive pieces of shit, and focus on yourselves." Tiffany pulled his shoulder, trying to pull him away from towering over the girl, "Stop fucking touching me. I told you to leave me alone." He shrugged himself out of her grip and continued to stalk down the hallway. He could still hear the murmurs of the others, and he wanted to hit something or run until his legs ached.

Paul threw open the door, grimacing when it slammed against the wall. He looked around the semi-full classroom, glowering until the other students turned away. Their unofficial assigned desk at the back of the room was empty, and when he sat, he felt uneasy sitting in the classroom without her. Paul felt eyes on him, and he studied the room, seeing Alex glaring at him. He blinked at him before turning to the window, staring at the trees blowing in the wind. The chair in front of him dragged against the tile before it slammed against the front of his desk. From his peripheral vision, he could see Alex settling into the chair. Gritting his teeth, he tried the breathing technique Sam ordered him to do when his blood simmered.

"Feeling violent today, are we?" Alex sneered, setting his hand on their desk and tapping his fingers. Paul clenched his teeth, wanting to deck him in the face more than anything. "Interesting that you're not leeched on Laryssa today. You know she is scared of you. Even I can see it when she's with you. You haven't known her long, but I can see the fear when she is with you. I hope she's not at home with your fury taken out on her body. Seeing someone as beautiful as her black and blue would be a shame."

His eyes snapped to Alex, and his body started trembling. He was wound tight, and if he continued, he was going to snap and hurt someone. All he needed to do was ignore it all. Alex smirked at him, and Paul found himself gripping the metal legs on the chair, his fingers starting to indent the metal as he tried to prevent himself from phasing.

A warm hand settled on his shoulder, and he jerked, staring into the brown eyes he loved so much. He didn't see or hear Laryssa come in. It took a second before her scent finally registered with him, and the coil in his stomach slowly loosened when he realized she was near him. His eyes drifted over her body, checking her before the coil slacked completely. She was safe. Laryssa squeezed his shoulder gently, sending him a pearly smile that wasn't fake, "my love, a wolf does not concern itself with the opinion of a sheep."

The endearment washed over his body, soothing the insecurity rearing its ugly head, and he could see Alex wrinkle his eyebrows at her. He remembered that Laryssa told him Alex didn't understand their language completely, "You're right as always, sweetheart. I needed the reminder."

Laryssa took her seat beside him, her eyes straying to Alex. She quirked an eyebrow at him, staring him down, almost like she was studying him until he glanced away first. "You just don't know when to quit... do you?" She tsked; his eyes darted eagerly to hers, searching for something. Paul noticed a slight shift in the arch of her eyebrows, framing her eyes with an air of defiance. Her loving brown eyes turned into a sharp flash, emitting a vicious determination that seemed to cut through the air. Alex faltered at her abrupt change, "This is the last time I will say it, so listen carefully and let it penetrate through the thick skull you have, and please let it seep into your delusional brain. I want nothing to do with you, so leave us alone. If you don't, you will regret it, and that Alexander is a promise I will not break. Now go." She smirked when Alex looked away; his nose flared before shoving himself towards his normal desk. Laryssa watched him go, letting out a soft breath. Her body shifted, and the tension she carried left. She turned to Paul, and her loving brown eyes stared back at him.

Love and belonging threatened to overwhelm his body, and he shoved down the urge to pull her into his arms. He hoped she could see his feelings as everything around them disappeared. As much as he wanted to say "fuck it" and yank her close, he stopped, knowing the onlookers would see their vulnerable intimacy, which wasn't for them to see. They wouldn't understand it if he spoke it, though. Their language was slowly dying, and he knew most of his peers didn't understand it. When he shifted, he was granted the ability to understand fluently, and when Laryssa revealed her dad taught her, he was ecstatic about another thing to share with her. "I love you." His voice was low and tender. The vulnerability encompassed the strength he felt at his admission for her. She smiled wetly, trying to clear her eyes. She reached out, linking their hands under the desk, "Yet, saying the words somehow doesn't feel like it's enough."

"I love you. It's enough. It's always enough for me," She sniffed, squeezing his hand tightly. He watched her cheeks flush. "I guess we will have to find something then."

"Yes, we will. Can you and I have some alone time tonight?" Laryssa nodded, holding his gaze before her eyes darted to the front of the classroom.

Everything faded back into focus when the teacher called for everyone to focus. He squeezed her hand, turning to face the front. She didn't let go of his hand, choosing to keep their pinkies linked. Laryssa leaned against the desk, propping herself up on it and yawning into her other hand. She glanced at him, smiling at him.

3:30 p.m. La Push High, La Push, Washington

The day passed in a blur, and he was ready to go home. Paul tucked Laryssa closer to him as they walked down the hall. Her arm settled on his waist as she talked rapidly about the weird science experiment she and Embry completed. He snickered at her theatrics, meeting the round-faced girl's wide eyes, and she turned abruptly, rushing away in the opposite direction. "That was weird," she murmured. Paul hesitated, feeling slightly guilty that he had let his aggression out on the round-faced girl, "Did something happen?"

"Nothing worth mentioning," He answered, holding the door open for her. Letting go of him, she stepped through, grimacing at the downpour. "I'll run to the truck and bring it to the front," Paul tried to hand her his bag. She stopped him and pulled out an umbrella.

"What's a little rain," She tried, and he shook his head back at her, "it's a short walk."

"You make it so hard to say no," Paul answered, pulling his bag back on before tugging her hood over her head. He quickly tucked her hair into the hoodie, and she smiled at him, stepping closer to him, weaving her arm through his, linking their hands. She opened the umbrella, and he took it from her, holding it over their heads. The parking lot was almost empty, and he looked around for Jay and Seth. "Where is Jay?"

"Went with Collin," Laryssa murmured, laying her head on his arm and squeezing him closer, "it's just you and me today and tomorrow."

"He didn't say anything this morning," Paul tilted the umbrella over her so her bag didn't get drenched. The cool rain started soaking his shoulder, which felt nice against his heated skin. Laryssa hesitated before gently centering the umbrella so he couldn't feel the rain. "Another argument?"

"More like disagreement," she offered, clicking her tongue. Paul stared at her, "Okay, fine, it was an argument. We need some time to cool down, so it worked out." They reached the truck, and he led her to the passenger side, waiting for her to get in. "Give me your bag," She quickly got in, taking the umbrella from him and holding it over him while he shrugged it off his back. Once settled, he shut the door, jogging to the driver's side, getting in, fumbling with the umbrella, grimacing when he broke it. He tossed it into the truck's bed, ignoring Laryssa, trying to smother her grin. She let her hood fall, busying herself so she didn't laugh. Paul stared at her and tugged on her bottom lip. She finally met his gaze and giggled, "Babe, that was our last umbrella."

"It's a problem for another day," He shrugged, feeling his face warm; he didn't like that he kept breaking things. "We need one that is stronger."

"One that is immune to protector strength," Laryssa offered, the grin still plastered on her face as she teased him. She shifted closer to him, pressing into his side. "That one was flimsy anyway."

He grinned, knocking his shoulder against hers, "If you say so, sweetheart." Paul started the truck, backing out of the near-empty parking lot. "So this argument?"

"He wanted to ditch, and I said no. He started complaining that we always ditch and I'm a hypocrite for telling him no. I wish he would understand that our grades are above C's and that he is failing two classes, so it's not a good idea for him to ditch. He didn't want to hear it, so he hung up on me," Laryssa said, crossing her legs to watch the scenery pass through the passenger window.

"Jay was trying to sneak off with Seth earlier," Paul shook his head, tightening his hands on the wheel. Laryssa clicked her tongue, pulling out her phone, before shaking her head and shoving it in her bag. "I stopped them. I can talk with him."

"Thanks." Laryssa shifted again, pulling out a Tupperware of fruit. She opened it, offering it to him. Paul grabbed three apple slices while she picked at the grapes. It was silent, and he felt tense as he tried to figure out the best way to bring up everything. Laryssa passed him more fruit before she started, "I got an interesting perspective from Jared today, and I know we have to talk about everything at some point... but can we just wait?"

When she beat him to the punch, Paul faltered, glancing at her, "For how long, Laryssa? We have to do it before Jay returns; shouldn't we do it now?" He pulled into the driveway, parking the truck beside her car.

"We can," She offered, closing the container, and the clicking of the lid felt final, "It's not going to be easy."

"I know, Laryssa," Paul murmured, facing her, brushing his fingers against her cheek. "When things are not easy, we lean on each other. You and I can overcome anything."

She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, "we can." Her eyes opened, and she sent a small smile. "Ready?"

Paul leaned forward, pressing his head against hers, "Ready."

4:06 p.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

Paul sat on the couch, watching her twiddle with her hands, "Nothing has really changed." Her hands faltered with the word nothing, and a part of him despised the dismissiveness.

"Don't do that...Laryssa, a lot has changed." Paul tried to keep the frustration out of his tone, yet when he saw her look away, he knew he didn't succeed. The silence spread across the room, and he felt like it was choking him, "I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," Her voice was quick, and she stared at her fingers. "You don't need to worry." Paul closed his eyes, counting to ten to try and calm himself. "I've been dealing with this since my dad died." Her terrible attempts at reassurance were getting under his skin.

The only sounds were her pulling her legs up to her chest. "I don't think you are fine. I think you're numb and can't pull yourself out of it. You are pretending you are fine while you build the walls back up," Paul's voice cut through the silence, and he turned towards her while she avoided his gaze. "You are in the middle of the storm, and you're fine? I'm calling it bullshit. I'm not fine, and it's not happening directly to me."

She blinked rapidly, letting her legs go. Laryssa took a deep breath before looking at him, her eyes flashing, "You can call bullshit all you want, Paul. I'm sorry you are not fine, and this is too much. All of this is normal for me. So, I don't know what you want me to say."

"Laryssa, I didn't say that it was too much. Please, don't put words in my mouth." Paul moved closer to her, the tightness in his chest slightly easing when she didn't move away. "You don't owe it to anyone to be fine. If you want to pretend for Jayden, okay. I want you to be brutally honest with me. Please don't shut me out. I am your safe space where you can tell me anything. You don't have to reassure me or pull yourself together."

Laryssa shifted toward him, placing her hand on his cheek. She let her hand fall and leaned towards him, resting her forehead against the side of his cheek. She took a deep breath, and he wanted to see her eyes, yet he wouldn't push her. "Brutally honest... I want to go back to everything before this. I wish you had never seen or heard anything about this. I hate that you are overwhelmed with this all. I am so ashamed that I dragged Jay and you into this. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to feel. I hate that I still love Grace even though she chose to be a woman instead of a mother. I wish Jayden would give me a break because I am trying my best, but it never feels enough. I hate that I am a burden and you have to deal with all of this bullshit. I hate when you can't rely on me. Sometimes, I want to disappear so you can have a relationship without all the baggage and find someone good enough because a part of me feels like I am not good enough for you." She took a deep breath before sitting up and watching him, "Yet, another part of me knows I am. I'm also relieved that I'm not alone since I have you," Paul held her weary eyes, reaching for her hands, "honest enough for you?" His blood boiled, and he wanted to hurt the people who caused her pain. Paul felt the trembling of her hands, and the anger diminished.

He needed to comfort her; Paul squeezed her shaking hands before cupping her face gently. He could handle it all, which soothed the tension in his chest when he realized her willingness to be fully vulnerable. Paul pulled her towards him, bringing her so that she was lying on his chest, and his arms were around her. She tucked her face into his neck, "Yeah... you did so good, my brave sweetheart," He felt a puff of breath against his neck. "Feel better?"

Her fingers traced shapes on his chest, "a little bit." Paul dragged his nails against her back, "I want to be your safe space, too. Your turn to be brutally honest."

"I can do that," Paul hummed, staring at the ceiling. Honesty was a two-way street, and they weren't getting anywhere with the words left unsaid and buried. He swallowed, "I hate feeling powerless. I hate that this is happening to you, and you think you're a burden because you are not one. I hate that you want to disappear because you think it will be easier. I want to kick every person's ass that hurt you. I am your protector, and I can't seem to protect you or Jay from it. I hate that I'm constantly on edge and feel like I failed you. I really can't stand when Jay is a pain in the ass to you and how you take it. I hate when you shut me out and pretend you are fine; it makes me feel you can't rely on me." Paul let out a deep breath, running his fingers down her spine. "Too honest?"

"No such thing," Laryssa murmured, lifting herself to prop her chin on his chest, her fingers drawing hearts and swirls. "You did good, my courageous lover. Feel better?"

Paul huffed a laugh, shifting, relishing in the praise, letting his fingers drift under her shirt to feel her skin. He closed his eyes, "Yeah." She shifted again, laying her head over his heart. He felt her fingers move under his shirt, skimming his side. He jerked, and he heard her quiet snicker. He opened his eyes, staring at her. She tilted her head back, watching him with a sly grin. "What was Jared's insight?"

"Everything we talked about it. Healthy communication, vulnerability, the works," Laryssa whispered, letting her nails drag lightly against his skin. "Even though I want to move forward, not everyone will push everything down. Relationships are about compromise. Sometimes, you need more; sometimes, I do." Paul moved so he sat up, and she still comfortably rested against him. He pressed a kiss to her head, his body slowly relaxing. They were safe in their home, and Laryssa was in his arms; everything felt right. "I don't want to shut you out, and I promise I will try harder not to do it." Laryssa shifted, leaning back to look at him before she leaned towards him, brushing her nose against his, "I know you don't like the apologies, but I am sorry."

Paul smiled at her, "Thank you." His hands settled on her hips, squeezing her gently. "I'm sorry, too." He leaned towards her, brushing his nose against hers, resting his forehead against hers. "Let's not do this anymore. We can be honest with each other, right?"

"We can," Laryssa agreed, holding him tightly. Paul squeezed her before moving to blow a raspberry on her cheek. Laryssa laughed, squirming in his lap, trying to move away, but he held fast, moving so that she fell back against the cushions. "Babe!"

He moved so that he was hovering over her on the couch, leaning down, his lips brushing against hers. Her arms snaked over his shoulders, pulling him so his body weight was fully on her. Paul nibbled on her lower lip, grinning at her soft sounds. She deepened the kiss, hiking her leg on his hip, pulling him closer, and letting her hands explore under his shirt. She pulled back, staring up at him with half-lidded eyes. "Tell me what you want, Laryssa." Paul pushed her hair from her face.

Laryssa bit her lip, rolling her hips against him. "I want you... all of you. Please."

Paul grinned, putting more weight on her so she couldn't move as much, "Such nice manners for me." She whined, frowning at him. He clicked his tongue, "We have to work on the patience, though." Paul moved, pulling her so that she was sitting on his lap.

She glowered at him, reaching behind him to tug at the back of his hair. His breath hitched, and he saw her smirk and push closer to him. His eyes closed, and he grasped her hip to urge her to move. "Lover, we must work on your patience and manners."

Paul opened his eyes, smirking at her. She pulled him towards her, "Hold on to me." He didn't give her a second to process, and he stood, laughing when she clung to him tightly. Laryssa relaxed quickly, moving to kiss him. He indulged her, walking toward the room, only to bump into the door frame.

The kiss broke, and she snickered, running her fingers through his hair. "Clumsy." He rolled his eyes at her, propping her up against the wall. "Too heavy for you, lover? Or are we distracted, Mr. Muscles?" Laryssa teased, leaning against the wall, moving one hand from his hair and dragging her nail against his chin. "Perhaps we should stop to work on the patience."

Paul growled, pulling her away from the wall, ignoring her giggles as he tossed her on the bed. He hovered over her, letting her legs hook around his hips, "Tell me what you want, Paul?"

He leaned close to her, letting his lips drag against her cheek. "Just to ask you a question," He whispered, feeling her body shiver. He started kissing her neck, listening to her sigh, "You okay with that, my heart?" She nodded, pulling him closer, "You are such a good girl for me." Laryssa whimpered at the praise, and he pulled back, watching her blush. "I don't want to pressure you, and you can always say no... Can we make love?"

Laryssa's breath caught in her throat, and he watched her for discomfort. She grinned at him shyly, leaning up quickly and brushing her lips against his, "Yes." Paul tugged her closer to him, grinning at her. "Can you take the lead?"

Paul kissed her face, "Yes, any time you want to stop... we stop. No questions asked."

"I trust you," Laryssa murmured, letting her hands trail under his shirt. He could feel the hearts she drew on his skin. Her hands gathered up his shirt, tugging at it. Paul let her pull off the shirt and toss it away. Her eyes trailed along his body, letting her hands wander until they reached his chin. Her hands cupped his face, "I'm yours."