I wasn't thinking about how Jacob arrived back at La Push when his arms were wrapped around me. I didn't know where he'd been or what he'd been doing—the thought didn't pass my mind in the moment at all. It was surreal to see his brilliant white smile and feel the feverish heat of his brown skin again. I was only focused on him being back home, safe, intact.
Internally, I was vibrating.
My Jacob was here.
It felt like the world made sense again, like the nightmare we'd been living in was only just that—a nightmare. The homesickness trickled away. My personal sun broke through the clouds to shimmer down and warm me again.
But I knew that feeling of joy was fleeting. Jake and I had always been on borrowed time. And the girl walking towards us from the car Jake must have driven here with confirmed that.
She appeared taller than me, though that could have been due to her near-perfect upright posture. There was an air of confidence in her step despite the uncertainty in her waving hand. Her silky brown hair was much longer than mine, falling to her waist. The white jeans she wore fit tightly to her legs, and her teal sweater was loose, but it was evident that she was toned and slender. Her large eyes focused on Jacob.
Not my Jacob.
Her Jacob.
The fourth wolf has been claimed.
I knew this was always a possibility, but still, I didn't expect it to hit me as heavily and relentlessly as it did. The weight of it was an anchor shackled around my ankle. It plunged me deep below, in the sea I nearly drowned in—not the blood sea, the sea that Jake rescued me from. But he couldn't rescue me this time.
I was incontestably on my own now.
I've never felt the wind knock out of me quite so literally before.
Jacob deserved to be happy; it was what I always wanted for him, and I knew that couldn't have been with me, not after everything. If I needed any more proof of that, he nearly just fainted at the sight of me since he assumed I was dead. So, I had no right to feel this way whatsoever. Nevertheless, I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop the current splintering of my heart.
I've felt heartbreak before, where parts of myself broke off and changed my shape. Where it gutted and drained me to where I saw no worth in my life. Where reality became distorted. It took everything from me. But this didn't feel like that. Not at all. While this was gut-wrenching and agonizing—the loss of something pure and good and true, it wasn't numbing, hopeless depression. It was charged.
I was livid.
When she approached, she smiled at each of us.
"Hey! I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt anything, I just…Jacob, can I speak with you for a minute?"
Jake stared at her, and I studied his gaze, hoping I wouldn't find something in it to prove me right. I tried to see if it was similar to how Sam, Paul, and Jared looked at their imprints. But his dark eyes revealed nothing to reassure me. I couldn't read his expression, and he appeared out of it.
He rocked on his heels with both hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, hey, sorry, um guys, this—this is Liz. Uh, Liz, this is Quil." He nodded to Quil and then hesitantly to me. "And. Um, Bella."
"Nice to meet you guys!" she exclaimed, but there was a hint of confusion scrunching up her sparkling eyes and straight nose.
"Uh, one second." He pulled one hand out of the pocket and held up his pointer finger. They briskly walked down the street while she impatiently whispered, but I couldn't make out the words. When they got to the car, I tried to read their lips. With the distance, I couldn't understand, but there was clearly something charged between them. Despite how painful it may be for me to hear, I wished to run over and listen.
Jake was hunched over, talking directly in her face, far too close for my liking. He nervously ran his hands through his hair, moving it out of his face. I couldn't help but notice—
"Bella," Quil said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Are you just as confused as I am?"
I nodded, blinking too fast.
"Like, who the hell is that?"
"He said her name is Liz," I said.
"Well, yeah, but…who."
"Can you hear what they're saying?"
"No, too far."
I shook my head, trying to shake away the tears pricking at my eyes.
"Oh, wait. Wait. You don't think…?"
I met Quil's exhausted eyes. He'd been a mess for days. The bags under his eyes were dark purple, and his skin looked quite pale. I hated to see him like this. I didn't want to bother him with this—it was the least of his problems right now.
"I'm just really glad he's back. And he'll help us." I swallowed the thickness in my throat.
"Bella…"
"Don't be so hard on him either, okay? And please don't be upset with him on my behalf. There's nothing to be upset about."
"Look, we don't even know—"
"Charlie called," I cut him off to get him to focus. "They haven't seen Embry."
He cradled his arms behind his head and began to pace.
"I knew that was gonna be a waste of time."
"Hey, you never know. They're gonna help, too."
His arms fell to his side, letting go of a big breath.
"I need him to be okay."
"I know." I grabbed his hand. "We are going to find him."
He shook his head back and forth. The pain in his face was immense.
"Quil, are you sure you don't want me to ask them?"
He looked at me, disgusted.
"I already told you. No!"
"But they could help. They're probably not even doing anything."
"We're not reaching out to those freaks. We don't need them."
"They don't need to sleep; you on the other hand—"
"What would I be if I said yes? I would never ask you to reach out to the very ones who messed you up so bad. No."
"But it's for Embry."
Behind us, their footsteps started back up the street, and fresh dread made me feel sick all over again.
"Okay. Uh, sorry about that," Jake said when they caught up to us. He avoided my eyes, which felt like a dagger to the chest. "We oughtta get looking, yeah?"
Quil, still very upset with him, rolled his eyes and nodded. "Yeah."
Jake gestured towards Liz and I. "I guess the girls can go to Emily's."
"Sorry, I'm just confused," Quil said. "I don't know who this person is at all and we're just going to drop her off at Em's?"
As if this situation wasn't awkward enough. It took everything in me not to elbow Quil.
"She's got nowhere else to go, and it's gonna get dark soon. I'm not gonna leave her sitting in the damn car," said Jake. Was this the protective side of the imprint coming out?
Why didn't he just say who she was? Did he not want to say it in front of me?
I wanted to protest, but I couldn't bring myself to speak up. I wanted to hop in the car and drive far away and scream.
But I suppose I was going to have to get used to this.
—
Thin clouds were strewn across the now deep orange sky. The air stilled, making it too quiet, adding to the awkwardness between the four of us.
Liz and I quietly stood on the porch when we arrived at Emily's house.
"Just wait here," Jake said to us. I bit my lip, knowing what that implied. He'd tell Emily the news, but not me.
"Okay!" Liz said, smiling.
He and Quil went through the door, and I heard Emily exclaiming, surely surprised to see Jake. And then their voices faded.
I stared down at my feet, unable to bring myself to make any sort of small talk, but of course, she attempted.
"This is a really nice house."
"Yep."
"I like this whole area. It's so quaint and cute!"
Did she have to be so cheery about everything?
"Mhm."
A few minutes later, the door opened, and Jake stepped out. When he saw me again, it looked like he was surprised, almost like before. Nonsensically, our locked eyes made my heart flutter. But then his eyes averted to Liz, and I knew I had to stop these feelings in their place before I hurt myself even more.
"So, you guys can just go in and hang. We're gonna get going and look for our friend. I won't be too long," Jake said, primarily to her.
"Everyone here is a runaway like you, huh?" Liz said, lightly laughing.
I cringed, peering at Quil to see his nostrils flared again. He was about to open his mouth, but Jake spoke before he could, patting him on the back. "Alright, man, let's go." He turned to me. "We'll talk later, yeah?"
My heart sank.
They jogged down the steps, and before turning into the forest, Quil looked back at me, nodded, and gave me a thumbs up. He mouthed something, but I couldn't make it out. I only shook my head, confused. Jake looked back at him, and they took off.
"The shirtless thing is…interesting?" Liz said.
"You'll get used to it."
Emily opened the door, her smile bright.
"Hi, Bella! And Liz, is it?"
"Yes! It's nice to meet you."
"Come in, girls."
We both gestured for each other to enter the house first. She awkwardly laughed.
"No, go ahead," I said.
We walked into Emily's house. Of course, it smelled like freshly baked dessert and burning incense.
"You guys can hang out on the couch, please, help yourself to some pie. I'm doing some prep for class upstairs, but if you need me, just call out, okay?"
"Thanks so much, Emily," I said.
"Thank you!"
I sat on one end of the couch, and Liz, for some strange reason, sat right next to me.
Didn't she think this was weird? Did she know who I was at all? Did Jake even tell her?
"So, are you from here?"
The small talk was going to drive me mad.
"I was born here, yes. I moved back a couple of years ago from Phoenix."
"Oh, wow, that's so different from here."
"What about you?" I couldn't help but ask—I was too curious where Jake had found her.
"I'm from White Rock." She pointed her finger to the ceiling. "Up in Canada!"
That made a lot of sense. The last time Jake ran off, he said he was all over Canada. Perhaps the imprint pulled him in that direction, and that's why he went back—if it even worked like that.
"I feel kind of weird, just like sitting in her house."
"No, it's normal. Another thing you'll get used to." My own words made nausea roll through me.
"Oh." She scrunched up her face, thinking. "Well, I don't know. We were coming to, um, see his dad. This is my first time in the States."
I didn't know it could be possible, but the more she spoke, the more my heart shattered. He was bringing her to meet his father? I could see the approval on Billy's face. I'm sure he'd be so much happier that Jake finally found someone other than me.
What took him so long to come home and show her off? Was he entirely distracted by her in their honeymoon phase? I could imagine a newfound imprint must've felt like the utmost euphoria.
Nausea rolled through me again.
"Do you want some of that pie? I'm kind of starving," she asked. "It smells really good."
I hadn't eaten anything all day, but I wasn't sure I could stomach anything. Originally, I was going to eat at Joy's since Charlie was having dinner with the guys at the station, but I'd totally forgotten.
"No, it's okay."
"You sure?"
I peered behind the couch to see the pies cooling on the counter. Emily wanted us to eat some, and I didn't want to be rude.
"Okay, fine, let's see what kind it is."
We made our way to the kitchen, and she went behind the counter. It was irritating, beyond irritating, to see her be so comfortable in Emily's house already.
She cut two perfect pieces of the blueberry pie, laying them on the paper plates that Emily had left. We both reached for the forks at the same time. Impatiently, I grabbed one and handed it to her before taking mine.
"I guess we should eat over here?" she said, gesturing to the dining room table.
We sat down at opposite ends of the table. I tried to block everything out and eat the pie in peace, but she wouldn't let me.
"So, what do you do around here?"
"Work and hang out with Quil, mostly."
"You're not in college like Emily?"
"Emily's not in college; she teaches. But no, I'm not."
"Oh, cool. I like your shirt, by the way."
I looked down at the white eyelet lace top I wore under my chestnut-colored jacket.
"Thanks."
"Yeah, it's really pretty!"
She was nice, and I didn't want it to anger me, but it did. Very much so.
The envy had reared its head in a way I didn't expect. It was ugly and seething. I sincerely didn't know I had it in me.
Not only was she nice, she was effortlessly beautiful, too. She was put together and bubbly—two things I never was.
I knew I shouldn't compare myself. I'd been doing better in that regard, but it was difficult not to slip back into that mindset I'd had for so long. Especially when this girl had stolen Jacob's heart.
It felt as if I were being tested.
I remember telling Jacob that whoever he found wouldn't be good enough for him. I still believed that, and I didn't know much about this girl, but she seemed…good.
It made me want to scream until my throat went raw.
Why did I come here? Why didn't I stay at Joy's or go home? Well, I didn't have to come here. It was curiosity and slight self-destructiveness that sat me in this room with her. I knew I needed to see who she was.
Now, I've had enough, and I didn't want to look at her. I didn't want to ask any more questions. I didn't want to know anything else.
Because I couldn't lie to myself. My feelings for Jake had never gone anywhere—seeing him solidified that. It was utterly foolish to think that, in the end, everything would be okay. That maybe, just maybe, we'd find a way.
All of this was futile. Silly, even.
I wanted to be happy for Jacob; I genuinely did. Hopefully, that'll come in time.
"This is really good," she said, lit up. "We stopped at a drive-thru before, but I needed something sweet!"
The thought of Jacob ordering food for them both, his arm around the back of the passenger seat, her feeding him French fries while he drove flashed through my mind.
It would have to come in time because I simply could not find it in me now to be happy for them.
I finished the pie and got up to throw out the plate.
"I need to make a call," I said, trying to mask the bitterness simmering beneath the surface.
"Okay," she said, mid-chew.
When I turned around and headed to the door, I rolled my eyes and grit my teeth harder than intended.
Stepping out onto the porch, it was tempting to hop in the Mercedes and leave. I kicked the wooden banister until it hurt my toes. My breathing had become heavy and uneven with the tears that fell freely down my cheeks.
I felt like I was finding my footing here, but maybe I never belonged. Spending time with the Ateara's has made me feel welcome, but if the sense of belonging solely hinged on my feelings for Jacob, then it was only meant to be temporary. I couldn't hang around if Jacob and his lover were always here—it wasn't healthy.
What a hypocrite I was. A completely senseless hypocrite. At least now, I somewhat knew how Jake felt. I slapped my head, thinking of all the times he had to witness me being with someone else. I couldn't even call it karma since it was inevitable.
Lucky for him, his feelings for me practically evaporated overnight, like Sam's did for Leah. If only I could flick the switch so easily.
When everything was over, and we were all safe, I'd find my place somewhere. I'll figure it out when I get there.
I wiped the absurd tears from my face.
Pulling out my phone, I dialed a number I had deleted but unfortunately knew by memory.
After just one ring, he picked up.
"Bella?"
"Hi, Edward."
"Hello. Is everything alright?"
"Um, I don't know. Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course."
"Embry Call is missing. We've been looking for him for a few days but can't find him. Please, if any of you come across him, let me know. And, if you can maybe help look, I'd really appreciate it."
"Hm. Okay."
"The pack didn't ask me to call you; this is just me."
"And?"
"I'm just letting you know."
He laughed. "It's starting to feel like you are the official mongrel spokesperson now."
"I just said they didn't ask me to ask you."
"Yes, I'm aware, but I say that because you feel the need to explain that."
"I'm going now."
"Goodbye, Isabella."
I hung up the call and slipped back into Emily's. Liz sat on the couch watching a movie, making herself at home once again.
I sat on the furthest end of the couch and hoped she'd be too preoccupied with the movie to speak with me. Or too preoccupied to notice the glares I shot in her direction.