Chapter 302 – Getting Jack to Open Up
After Nathan and Jack got back to the ranch, things were quiet around the ranch. Everyone carried on with their plans. James had gone to the track so he wasn't there for lunch. Everyone else sat down and ate the sandwiches and stuff like they usually did. It was a lively lunch. Jack shared that he had been cleared to ride, but still wasn't sure if he was going to ride or not. He was still sore and would see how he felt after getting on a horse after four and half days. Both Elizabeth and Doug voiced their objections to Jack riding, but Nathan helped to defend Jack and agreed that it was his decision and that the doctor had explained the risks. Jack promised he wouldn't ride if he didn't feel like he could. While Elizabeth wasn't exactly happy about it, she did understand that it was Jack's decision to ride or not.
The rest of the afternoon was spent working on things. The horticulturalist showed up about three that afternoon. Jack, Elizabeth and Frank sat down with the horticulturalist who has already been through the properties. Jack invited Nathan, Doug, Lee and Father Mark to sit in on the meeting. They sat around the table and the horticulturalist explained where would be the best areas to expand the orchard and add additional bushes and trees. She also advised that it wouldn't be wise to move all of the trees, but it would be a good idea to thin out the current orchard by moving some of them to the spot where they wanted to add more. She explained that the reason that the orchard had had a poor harvest the previous few years was that whoever had planted the trees had overcrowded them and they couldn't thrive.
Jack had figured that it was something like that. He wasn't happy that he wouldn't be able to move all the trees to put them where he had originally wanted, but he also was glad that they would be able to do something about the current orchard to get it to produce better. Frank reminded him that a split orchard was better than nothing. Nathan and Father Mark agreed. Jack realized that they were right. The horticulturalist went over everything and by the time that she left, they had very clear plans moving forward. Frank had the list of things that he needed to order and the team of horticulturalists would come in and make sure that everything was planted and appropriately spaced. The horticulturalist also agreed to arrange to have the trees moved as soon as apple harvest was over. Jack wasn't happy about waiting, but after the horticulturalist explained why Jack realized that it was for the best. He also realized that while it wouldn't be the greatest apple harvest there would be plenty for the ranch, even if it was just feeding the horses the extras.
After the horticulturalist left, the rest sat down and continued to go over everything that they had learned. When they broke up for supper, both Frank and Jack had clear lists of what they had to do. Jack needed to order things, but was leaving most of that to Frank. Jack had the accountants set up an account for Frank that he could use to get things for the new properties.
After speaking to the horticulturalist, they also had a much better plan of where things were going to go and where they wanted to build the new house and where to put Frank's house. It was also clear where Elizabeth wanted to put her large garden and the smaller bushes for her use. Jack had been so glad that he had gotten the detailed plat maps. It had been very helpful in planning things out. Now it was just a matter of getting things going. Things weren't going to happen as quickly as Jack thought they were. Other than starting to order things and have the team prepare the land, there was little that they could do until later in the fall.
Frank, Nathan and Father Mark all wanted to sit down and speak with Jack, but he wasn't in the mood. He hadn't been able to get on a horse that afternoon. He was frustrated and needed to sort through things. While Father Mark wanted to talk to Jack, he also realized that Jack was reaching his limit.
"Jack, Elizabeth." Father Mark said. "Why don't the two of you go sit upstairs under the porch and talk. We will call you for supper. You haven't had much alone time this week. Talk or just sit quietly together, but just go. Someone will be up at random to just check on you, so remember that. Otherwise you will be left alone until supper is ready."
"Thank you." Jack said.
Jack and Elizabeth headed up to the music room to go outside and sit. After they had walked away Frank and Nathan just looked at Father Mark.
"Trust me." Father Mark said. "She is what Jack needs right now. I know that we are all worried about him, but I am trying to stop him from spiraling anymore then I already see. He is getting overwhelmed and Elizabeth has been the best to get him to talk about things lately. Please just trust me. We might be able to sit down and talk to him later this evening, but because he has been injured, he hasn't been able to deal with his emotions in the way that he usually does so please just trust me."
"Okay." Frank said. "You have known Jack the longest."
Nathan nodded. Frank and Nathan went back to picking things up from the meeting then went to relax while they waited for supper. Once the table was cleared up, everyone was able to have some down time before supper was ready. They were also waiting for James to get back. Supper was in the oven, so it was fine. It had been a good day and everyone knew that Friday was going to be busy again and they had the show that weekend so it was going to be busy as well.
… … … …
Jack and Elizabeth got up to the music room and went outside. The first thing that Jack did was wrap Elizabeth in his arms and give her a kiss. She pulled back before it got too intense.
"We need to slow down." Elizabeth said. "As much as I love to be in your arms, we need to step back for a moment."
Jack understood and moved them to sit down on the double chaise lounger. They sat side by side holding hands.
"Do you want to talk or just sit here for a bit?" Elizabeth asked.
"Can we just sit here for a moment?" Jack said. "It has been a long week and I just want to clear my head for a moment. I have been running questions through my head all day. I don't have answers, just more questions."
"What are you talking about?" Elizabeth asked.
"About my sister." Jack said.
"What kind of questions?" Elizabeth asked.
"What right do I have to intrude on her life?" Jack said. "What about her privacy? She didn't ask for the circus that surrounds me. Is it right to bring her into that? Those kinds of things."
"I am sorry that you are questioning yourself." Elizabeth said. "You just wanted to know more about you and knew that your parents were hiding something from you. At this point, you don't even know who she is, so you don't need to be asking those questions at this time."
"But I am." Jack said, frustrated.
"Fine." Elizabeth said. "You are frustrated, but right now, I want you to take a deep breath. What if she knows that you exist, but not who you are? What if she is out there wondering the same things that you are? Shouldn't you both have the right to get answers to those questions? But until Devin is able to figure out who she is and where she is, there is no point to these questions. So just slow down. You are a hundred steps ahead of where we are sitting. You don't need to be doing this to yourself. Please just take a deep breath. Once we know who she is and where she is, we will cross those other bridges."
Jack let go of Elizabeth's hand, leaned forward and dropped his head into his hands. Elizabeth just took a moment and rubbed his back to show that she was there to support him, but also giving him a minute to collect himself. Elizabeth didn't know what else she could say. She knew that Jack had been struggling with the information that he had been given, but she didn't realize how much.
As Elizabeth was rubbing Jack's back, he started to shake and she realized that he was crying. She wrapped her arms around him and held him to herself, Jack tried to fight her, but eventually just gave in and let her hold him. Jack hated crying in front of Elizabeth, but he couldn't stop it. Elizabeth just held him and didn't say anything. She didn't say anything, because she really didn't know what she could say to make him feel better. She knew that he struggled showing emotions, especially in front of her, but at the same time she was glad that he was. Elizabeth wasn't sure what she could do to help Jack other than to hold him and for him to let his emotions out. She wanted more for them, but until he figured things out more and started letting her in more, she wasn't sure what else she could do for him other than pray.
After several minutes, Jack stopped shaking and crying. Elizabeth still held him and sat them back in the lounger. They were wrapped in each other's arms when Jack shifted and started kissing Elizabeth. It got quite intense very quickly. Elizabeth pulled back, unwrapped herself from Jack's arms and stood, walking over to the railing. Just then Father Mark came upstairs and had seen Elizabeth disentangle herself from Jack and walk away. He was going to just let them handle it, but something told him to go out and actually talk to them.
"Hey everything okay out here?" Father Mark asked, standing in the French doors.
Both Jack and Elizabeth turned to look at him. Father Mark could tell that Jack had been crying, so went and sat next to his cousin.
"Want to talk to me or not?" Father Mark asked.
"I don't know." Jack said, sniffing back more tears.
"So what happened?" Father Mark asked.
"We were talking about the questions that have been plaguing me in regards to my sister." Jack said. "Devin's guys have narrowed things down and are close to getting access to the medical records and then we will know more."
"So what are you questioning?" Father Mark asked.
"If I have the right to intrude on her life." Jack said. "What about this circus that surrounds me, is it right to bring that on another person? What if she doesn't want anything to do with me?"
Father Mark turned and looked at Elizabeth.
"And how are you feeling about these things, Elizabeth?" Father Mark asked.
"I told him that we don't have enough information to make those decisions and he needs to slow down." Elizabeth said. "There are other things that need to happen before he is going to have the information that is needed to move forward in this situation and I don't think playing the what if game is doing either of us any good at this moment."
"I tend to agree." Father Mark said. "So much has already happened. You have had a very eventful summer and it is not over yet. You have so much to look forward to and there are so many changes ahead of you in the next couple of months. Please try to focus on the good things. There are so many things out of your control and you need to start to accept that you can't control everything. Please, please listen to your fiancée and I. We love you and want the best for you. If you are driving yourself crazy with what ifs you are not doing anyone any good."
Elizabeth came and sat on the lounge behind Jack. Both Jack and Father Mark turned so they were all facing each other.
"Jack." Elizabeth said. "I love you, but you can't worry about everything. You also can't fix everything for everyone. You have kept me safe and I am forever grateful that you were there that day, but you need to let go of some things. I know that it has been a crazy few months and you were the one that pushed for Devin to find the information, but you need to let him do his job. Once he has information that you can act upon, then you can start to go through the thousands of questions I am sure that you have. Please, please, please try to let some of this go. The last thing I want is for something to happen to you because you have stressed yourself out to the point of having a heart attack."
"She is right." Father Mark said. "Stressing yourself out is not going to be good. I get that you have questions. You don't think that I have questions or your grandparents have questions. So if we have questions, I am sure you have a thousand more. But dwelling on them when you have no additional information that you can act on does you no good. It does Elizabeth no good. It does no one in this house any good. Do you hear me?"
Father Mark leveled a stern look at Jack. Jack put his hands up in surrender.
"I get it." Jack said. "I just don't know how to stop the questions sometimes when they start. It then becomes a snowball effect."
"I hear you." Father Mark said. "When that happens, come talk to someone. We can help redirect your thoughts or even help you to work through some questions and maybe come up with some potential solutions depending on what information that Devin finds."
Jack nodded, took Elizabeth's hand and lifted it to his lips to kiss it.
"Thank you." Elizabeth said. "Are you feeling better? I am not saying you don't have a right to be upset, but I am asking that you talk to us. You can't keep everything inside and then break down and cry. I am worried about you. I know that this week hasn't been easy for you because you have been injured, but at the same time, you have been short and snippy with people. Everyone knows that you have been dealing with a lot the last few months. We all have been dealing with a lot the last few months. I also understand that it is hard for you to talk about things because you never felt like you had people that were there. But you need to really and I mean really starting letting people in. I would love it if you would talk to me, but I understand if you can't always talk to me. But please talk to someone."
"She is right." Father Mark said. "We don't mean to hammer you, but I have told you before that you need to deal with your emotions before they find a way to come out one way or another. I love you but you are not dealing with things in a healthy way and others have started to take notice."
"I hear you." Jack said. "I am trying, but you know I have never really been good about sitting and talking about my feelings. I can talk about situations, business, and things like that, but at the same time, I guess I have to start trying."
"That is all we are asking." Father Mark said.
"Okay." Jack said.
Father Mark patted Jack on the back.
"I will leave you guys alone." Father Mark said. "Supper should be in less than an hour."
"Okay." Elizabeth said. "Thank you for coming and checking on us."
"You are welcome." Father Mark said.
Father Mark patted Jack on the back one more time, stood up and left through the French doors that he had come out of. Jack and Elizabeth sat there quietly while Father Mark walked away. They watched him head down the stairs, then Jack turned to Elizabeth.
"I am sorry." Jack said.
"You are forgiven." Elizabeth said. "I just want you to continue to try and do better. I know that it is not easy, but you have to keep trying. And for the record, I don't care if you need a shoulder to cry on. It at least shows that you are letting out those pent up emotions."
"Thank you." Jack said. "I still feel bad about breaking down and crying."
"I understand that." Elizabeth said. "But crying doesn't show weakness. It shows that you are opening up to me in a small way. It shows that you trust me enough to be vulnerable. That is what it takes to have a successful marriage – that we trust each other enough to be vulnerable with the other. You have seen me vulnerable."
"I am trying." Jack said.
"I know that." Elizabeth said. "I never said it was easy. I think it is easier for me because I am a woman and I was allowed to show emotion while growing up. From everything that you have said, your mother couldn't even handle the slightest show of emotions."
"True." Jack said. "It was hard and it is hard to unlearn something."
"I know that." Elizabeth said. "We will learn together. That is all I am asking of you. Now we don't need to talk about anything else. Let's just sit back and watch the clouds until they call us for supper."
They sat back on the double lounger and just held hands. They sat there mostly without talking until Doug came up and called them down for supper. It had been a nice forty-five minutes for them. They had shared a few things, but nothing deep. They talked about the different shapes that they saw in the clouds. They talked a little about the horses that they saw in the pastures from where they were sitting, but mostly just sat there holding hands.
Supper was a lively affair as everyone was talking about the races, the horses and the show that weekend. They also talked about what the horticulturalist had shared and the plan moving forward with that. The group sat at the table for over an hour just talking and enjoying the wonderful meal that had been made for them. Gran and Trish had made mini meatloaves again. There was also fresh corn on the cob, other steamed vegetables and fried potatoes. There was also fresh vegetables and fruit, along with the dinner rolls that Trish had made. After they had eaten and the food had been put away, there were sundaes for dessert. No one had a very large one, but they had vanilla, chocolate and butter pecan flavors of ice cream along with a variety of toppings.