A/N:

Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition S11, R6

Team: Caerphilly Catapults
Position: Chaser 3
Prompt: Webkinz
Additional Prompts:
[dialogue] "Honey." / "What?" / "Where's my [object]?" / "What?" / "Where's– My– [object]?"
[color] lemon lime
[action] tapping a foot impatiently
Word count: 2491
Betas: Rose, Queenie, Ikuni
Warnings: Suggestive language

Prompt inspiration – getting a pet.

-x-x-x-

The Dark Lord was not a patient man. There were things – little things, even – for which he would kill his Death Eaters on the spot.

However, Severus Snape was not just any Death Eater. He could get away with so much more, especially in his master's bedroom during these precious moments when they were alone, away from prying eyes. And he blatantly took advantage of that.

Coming out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around his waist, he was greeted by Voldemort's angry face as he waited for him with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently, which was something he usually did when he was about to curse someone.

He noticed, Severus thought. Pretending he didn't see his lover staring at him and seething, he quickly turned away, reaching for his robe and discarding the towel.

While he dressed, he could hear Voldemort breathing through his nose excessively loudly, as if he was barely controlling himself.

"Honey."

Severus shivered at the venomous tone. The Dark Lord didn't use endearments, unless to let him know he was in big trouble. A thought flashed through his mind that perhaps he crossed a line this time.

"What?" he asked with all the innocence he could muster.

"Where's my wand?" Voldemort's deadly cold voice, dripping with malice, told him that yes, he definitely crossed a line.

"What?" he asked again, playing dumb, although he couldn't help his voice coming out a little high-pitched.

"Where's– My– Wand?" Voldemort hissed through gritted teeth.

Now would probably be a good time to start begging for forgiveness, but Severus decided to stand his ground.

"What do you need it for, love?"

He quickly slipped past his fuming partner, into the adjoining room, then stopped dead in his tracks, the sight before him making him feel as though he had been slapped in the face.

Broken flasks and vials rolled on the table, the light green, lemon lime potion spilled all over it, dripping to the floor strewn with shards of glass.

"I don't need to explain to you why I need my own wand, Severus!"

He didn't hear any footsteps as his master followed him into the room. Severus realized he must have floated the distance, and he was quickly reminded that the Dark Lord didn't need a wand to exert power over him. The fear of his retribution, however, was squashed under Severus's own anger building up, seeing so many long hours of careful admeasuring and brewing go down the drain.

"Did you break these out of spite?" He clenched his fists, rounding on Voldemort. "You do know it takes me two weeks to brew them, right?"

"No, that was an accident," he hissed, his eyes flashing red. "But I might break something else on purpose in a moment."

Ignoring the threat, Severus heaved a sigh and flicked his wand, cleaning up the mess.

"You don't need your wand for that. I told you I can do these things for you."

Voldemort was hiding it in front of his followers, but when Dumbledore destroyed Marvolo Gaunt's ring, it really took a toll on him. A piece of his soul had been killed after all, and it severely weakened him. Severus regularly brewed powerful strengthening potions, but he implored his master to reduce his use of magic to a minimum until he was fully recovered.

And, of course, the Dark Lord never listened to anyone. Just last evening, he had spent a good quarter of an hour pointlessly torturing Wormtail.

Granted, the stupid man had no one to blame but himself – he had been annoying the Dark Lord with his mindless rambling, even when Voldemort began to tap his foot, which was a clear sign his patience was wearing thin – but still, it wasn't like he would get wiser from a Cruciatus Curse. It was just a waste of magic on him.

If he wanted the Dark Lord to stop wasting his strength, what choice did Severus have other than to steal Voldemort's wand from the nightstand while he was sleeping?

"You must have a death wish, Severus," his master hissed in a barely contained fury.

He could actually feel Voldemort's power in the air now, which was a bad thing, a very bad thing. If he had one of his fits of blind rage, which caused uncontrolled blasts of magic out of him, then this whole thing would defeat its purpose.

"All right, calm down." He raised his hands in a pacifying manner. "I'm sorry. I'll give it back right now." He hurried back to the bathroom and returned with Voldemort's wand. "Look, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to waste your strength on such pointless things in your current state–"

Voldemort snatched his wand angrily and the next moment, Severus was slammed against the wall, pinned under his master's body.

"Do not ever dare to touch my wand again," he hissed threateningly in Severus's face.

Severus might have been frightened if he wasn't so turned on by his lover's proximity. His lips lifted in a smirk and he raised his eyebrow suggestively.

"You've never had any complaints before."

Voldemort was still looking daggers at him, but he cracked a smile.

"You are insufferable, you pest."

Severus opened his mouth to reply, but his lips were claimed in a dominating kiss, and he moaned into it, surrendering completely.

-x-x-x-

Severus hoped Voldemort would return to his full strength soon. In the meantime, he wished there was something he could do to make him feel better. In between torturing Gryffindors with ridiculously difficult assignments for his potions class, a thought entered his mind that perhaps there was. Perhaps now was the right time to implement his 'moving forward' plan.

Severus had decided a while ago it was time to take their relationship to the next level. Of course if he said something like this to Voldemort, he would have a fit. Not exactly a fuzzy man, the Dark Lord. To be fair, neither was Severus. Both of them having difficult personalities usually worked in their favor since they understood each other well, although sometimes, it generated problems in things that came easily to other couples.

Luckily, Severus was acquainted with his lover well enough by now to know how to get around him. So, instead of bringing up the sensitive subject, he decided to take action. He decided to get a pet.

A joint pet was a big step. Voldemort would probably think that too, and he might not like it, so Severus would have to pick one that his Slytherin partner couldn't resist. So, obviously, they were getting a snake. And if things didn't go well, he could always put it all down to trying to cheer Voldemort up because of the Horcrux disaster.

Sneaky plan, Severus thought complacently. His vicious master should be proud of him.

That day, on his way back from Hogwarts, he stopped by a reptile store. Walking along the large terrariums and looking at the ugly beasts behind the glass, he wondered which one of these atrocities his master would find the most appealing. Judging by the snakes Voldemort had had in his life – Salazar Slytherin's basilisk from the Chamber of Secrets and Nagini – he liked them big and deadly.

Since it was to be an indoor pet, big was out of the question – so deadly it was. He considered a smaller basilisk, but he'd rather not have to close his eyes every time he entered Voldemort's rooms.

His gaze fell upon a specimen coiled around a thick branch. Its scaled body was of a bright, vibrant color – the very same lemon lime as the potion Severus brewed for Voldemort.

He didn't know much about snakes, but he did know that the general rule in the animal world was that intense colors like that tended to indicate one was poisonous.

"See anything you like, sir?" the shopkeeper asked.

Wrinkling his nose, Severus thought this was a tricky question. He did see something his master would like, that was what mattered.

After talking to the shopkeeper, he found out the lemon lime snake was indeed the most poisonous one he had, and Severus knew he had found what he was looking for.

He flinched away, twisting his lips, as the shopkeeper was putting the reptile into a small terrarium for him.

"Be careful with this one," he warned. "It's very irritable."

"That's okay." Severus snorted. "So is my partner."

"Try to avoid repetitive noises around it," the shopkeeper advised. "Things like clapping or tapping your foot can really set it off."

To his bewilderment, Severus grinned.

"Well, this should be interesting then."

-x-x-x-

"There you are," Severus exclaimed when Voldemort finally opened the door.

He had been waiting for him with the terrarium covered with a cloth, which he had carefully thrown over it from a safe distance, as if the snake could bite him through the glass.

"Well, these are my rooms," Voldemort pointed out, but there was a small smile on his face.

"I have a surprise for you," Severus announced, trying not to be discouraged by the unimpressed look he received.

"You know I hate surprises, Sev."

"I think you'll like this one," he insisted.

He pulled the cloth off the terrarium, revealing the snake. Its head snapped up at the sudden movement and it hissed furiously. Voldemort slowly stepped towards it, his intense gaze fixed on the reptile, before raising a questioning eyebrow at Severus.

"What is this?"

"It's a snake," he said plainly, refraining from following it with 'obviously'.

"I can see that, Severus. I mean, what is it doing here?"

"It's our new pet."

Voldemort stared at him blankly.

"Our what?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Oh, come on!" Severus scowled, disappointed at his complete lack of interest. "It's a highly venomous eastern green mamba! I thought you'd love it!"

"Why would I want a pet snake, Sev?" he said incredulously, although he did bend down to examine the lemon lime specimen. "I have Nagini."

"Nagini's not a pet, she is your Horcrux." Severus pouted. She was also all Voldemort's. His point was to get a joint pet, one that would belong to them both, together. Nagini would probably bite Severus's head off if he tried to approach her, not that he would. She liked her space, and to disrespect her would be like disrespecting the Dark Lord himself. "Besides, she likes to roam free," he continued, determined to convince his lover this was a great idea. "I figured you could use someone to wrap around you in bed."

"I thought I had you for that." Voldemort looked up at him with a suggestive glint in his eyes and a smirk that instantly sent a wave of heat through Severus's body.

"You do," he admitted, feeling his cheeks burn. "I was thinking, just for the nights when I have to be at Hogwarts…"

Voldemort opened the terrarium, hissing something in Parseltongue, and reached for the mamba which quickly slithered up his arms.

"Careful!" Severus warned. "Its venom is lethal."

He did have an antidote at the ready, but he'd rather not have to use it so soon, especially since Voldemort had missed a dose of his strengthening potion this week.

"Oh, I know," Voldemort said softly, scratching the snake fondly under its chin as if it were a puppy. "And it's a she."

"If you say so." Severus shrugged, but he was smiling.

His master may be a grumpy, short-tempered man, but when it came to deadly snakes that could kill a person within minutes – he couldn't help it – he was just a big softie. Severus mentally congratulated himself on the brilliant plan.

"She says so," Voldemort informed him. "We should get a tree for her, or some branches under the ceiling. Perhaps over there." He indicated a corner of the room.

Severus's heart was melting at the sight of his lover finally excited over something other than getting Potter. He would gladly embrace him if there wasn't a killer snake draped around his shoulders.

"So I take it we're keeping her?" He smiled smugly.

Voldemort was speaking in Parseltongue again, apparently deep in conversation, and heat engulfed Severus's body once more at the sound of his master's hissing. He really didn't know why it worked on him like that. Once again, his urge to put his hands on Voldemort was suppressed by the deadly pet he was holding. Severus was beginning to see a flaw in his brilliant plan.

"I just have one question," his master said softly, his eyes never leaving the snake. "If it's supposed to be our pet, why did you pick one that you don't like?"

Severus blinked in surprise as panic washed over him. He quickly checked his mental barriers, but no, the Dark Lord was not reading his mind.

"What are you talking about?" he choked out defensively. "I think it's great!"

"Uh-huh." Voldemort shot him an unconvinced glance. "Even though it could kill you?"

To prove his point, he outstretched his arm towards Severus, from which the mamba lashed at him, hissing viciously. He jumped back like a scalded cat, making Voldemort chuckle. He crossed his arms and cleared his throat indignantly.

"Well, maybe I like the danger," he challenged, holding his head high. "Lots of things could kill me; being a double agent for so many years, Nagini, you in one of your…" fits, he thought, but said, "states. And I am all for snakes! I'm a Slytherin too, you know. I might not be the heir of Slytherin, or a Parselmouth, but still!"

Voldemort regarded him in silence, piercing him with his intense gaze, his lips lifted in a smirk.

"You were worried I wouldn't want to have a pet together with you," he stated eventually, "so you picked one you thought I couldn't say no to."

Severus swallowed, once again unsure if his master could read his mind despite his Occlumency skills. Voldemort's predatory smile widened, letting him know his reaction gave him away.

"You do realize I can actually talk to snakes, right?" he said with a grin. "And she's already told me exactly how you've been behaving around her."

Severus closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands.

"I'm an idiot!" he exclaimed, cursing himself.

Voldemort laughed. Severus didn't think he had done it in years. Despite his humiliation, it was worth hearing his beloved laugh once again.

"Come here," he said softly, putting the snake back into the terrarium and pulling Severus into an embrace. "You are a lot of things, Severus Snape, but you are definitely not an idiot."

Severus smiled against his chest.

"Oh, right, I've been meaning to tell you," he remembered with no small amount of satisfaction. "You know how you tend to tap your foot when you're irritated?"

"Yes?" The Dark Lord frowned, taken aback.

Severus grinned.

"Yeah, you can't do that anymore."