Morally, Theo knew what he was doing was wrong.
Logically, it seemed like the best option.
He had to survive on blood. He wouldn't last long without it. He'd have to force Draco watch him wither away in pain and suffering.
He didn't like his new place in life, but he was determined to stay alive, if only due to his promise to Draco.
Eventually, the blood the Death Eaters gave would run out. Theo felt nauseated at the idea of continuing to use them as his supply. He knew Voldemort would never let any of them run dry, so getting rid of them like that was off the table.
If you are what you ate, then consuming the blood of Death Eaters on the regular couldn't be good. It might be a bit extreme to steer clear of their gifts past when the supply ran out, but Theo was full of bad luck. He was not going to risk the chance that their blood in his stomach would turn him more evil, or something.
On a more realistic argument, he didn't know what Voldemort might be telling them to put in his blood.
Theo also didn't want to rely on just Narcissa and Lucius. That hardly seemed fair.
And he didn't want to go out on the town whenever he needed to feed, ravaging and killing innocents.
This left him with a conundrum.
The blood the Death Eaters offered would run out, and by his and Draco's calculations, it would be sooner rather than later.
This begged the question…where did he get his sustenance afterward?
Cue their current immoral mission…raiding a muggle blood donation center.
Trust him, he felt all sorts of bad about this. He knew that his efforts were directly and potentially putting many lives in danger, but what was the alternative? Possibly killing someone he would never meet because they didn't have enough blood on hand, or certainly killing someone because he couldn't control his feedings?
"If the Ministry catches wind of this…" Theo muttered as Draco stunned and obliviated one of the nurses and doctors.
"They'll what?" Draco snorted. His prognosis had made him ballsy. Or maybe, Theo considered, it had heightened that part already within him, "Turn me into a werewolf? Oh, too late! That punishment has already happened."
Turning into a vampire had not made Theo care less about things. If anything, it made him care more, Perhaps he had more to lose. The world tolerated werewolves. They despised vampires unless you made a fortune singing ballads and catchy bridges.
"I can see the headlines…" Theo shuddered, "You know what? This is a ruddy terrible idea. I can't. I'm leaving. You wanna get kicked out of Hogwarts? This is how we get kicked out of Hogwarts if they aren't already coming for us!"
"My mum and dad's wand won't catch anything," Draco assured, "And we've already done half the work. We're seriously going to turn around now?" He huffed, "And do what? Go back to drinking Death Eater blood until…until your final days?"
Theo pouted, "No." He grouched.
"Good. I think that was the last one in the ward. You get the blood, I'll stand watch." Draco said. As Theo disappeared around a corner, Draco called out, "And don't be picky! Just take what you can!"
"Okay, Dad!" Theo called back, rolling his eyes.
Breaking the lock on the blood bank was laughably easy with his strength now.
Inside, the little plastic pockets of blood looked like a feast spread out, just for him. He considered that maybe Draco should have been the one doing this since he was tempted to just devour it all right now.
Even though his throat burned, Theo grabbed bags of blood by the fistful, shoving it deep into his magically enhanced cooler bag. He left some, a few of each blood type so that this hospital wouldn't be screwed. He did the math quickly to tide him until the end of this year,
He hoped that by the time school rolled around for his 7th year, they would have found a far better solution than accepting blood from Death Eaters or raiding small muggle hospitals.
"Got it?" Draco asked, modifying some of the nurses to think some crazed person came in and stole blood.
"Yeah."
"Okay. You take the doctor. Then let's go."
"Couldn't agree more."
Theo did his work quickly, but couldn't lodge the feeling of guilt deep in his stomach.
When they were done, just before they fled, he turned around to take one last look at the flickering hall of the hospital.
"I'm sorry, mates," He mumbled, "But I really, really need it."
XXX
"Okay, what's…this one?" Theo rolled over on Draco's comforter, fingers searching for the cylinder from the Muggle convenience store, "Uhm, 55 SPF. Did we find something stronger?"
Draco consulted his notes, scratching his neck. Theo held back a snort, his gesture resembling that of a dog using its hind legs. Draco looked up.
"Oi, fuck off. I'm helping you here," He said, as though reading Theo's mind.
"Sorry. Allow me a few dog-related jokes at your expense, in return for a few vampire ones at mine."
Draco scrunched his nose, "Vampire jokes are far less fun than dog ones," He muttered sourly.
He perused the line of sunscreens lining the bedroom windowsill, "Erm, I think that's what we have."
"Well, all right then," Theo sighed, squeezing a dollop on his finger. He shuddered at the texture.
You would think that the Wizarding World would have come up with a far better sunscreen spell or potion, but there were just things that Muggles did better, as loathed as he was to admit it. This was one of them.
Not saying that they couldn't add some ingredients to make it better, but after ruining three cauldrons, they had concluded that they were best to start with a base.
And they'd even paid for it!
Theo rubbed the sunscreen into his skin, "Well?"
"You still look pale," Draco replied with a dry snort , " You know, you were pale before all this. I think that becoming a vampire gave you a bit of a tan if anything," He added with a tinge of teasing.
"You know, thank Merlin for cloudy English days," Theo said, rolling over to the window , " Lest the sun of the Bahamas burn me alive or something," He added. He hoped that since Hogwarts was always raining or snowing he wouldn't have a huge need for this . Just a precaution. As far as he could tell, he wasn't allergic to sunlight , it just irritated him if he was standing in it directly, like a rash rising on his skin.
"Okay, I suppose we should buy the lot of it then," Draco said, picking up the sunscreen and focusing on the label , "Wouldn't want you burning alive in the courtyard."
Narcissa knocked on Draco's door.
"Darling, Pansy is here."
Draco groaned, running his hand down his face, "Awe, fuck. I forgot she invited herself over."
"Language, Draco," Narcissa added with a sharp scowl, "And be a bit nicer! Pansy is a perfectly good girl, no reason to act like I'm asking you to gnaw your leg off."
Draco blushed, "Sorry, Mum." He mumbled.
Theo stretched , "I'll vanish," He said quietly. Draco gave an over-dramatic roll of his eyes .
"It's fine , Theo. If she's with me, it won't be that long before she finds out, will she?" He pointed out.
"She cares about keeping your secret. I don't know if she'll care about mine," Theo said uncertainly. Draco shrugged.
"She will if I tell her to care."
"We're already getting to a lot of people who know about us. A lot." Theo motioned between them, "Someone is bound to slip. Accidentally. And I don't know if Dumbledore could protect us, not that he's doing much."
"It's fine, Theo. You worry too much." Draco shoved his shoulder. To anyone else, Theo would have hardly moved, but he was matched once again with Draco's strength. He opened the door of his bedroom wide to Pansy, who basically leaped at him.
"Oh, Draco! It's been such a long break," She whimpered, "I've just missed you so much. I couldn't wait until Hogwarts."
"Yeah, same, Pansy," Draco said, forcing a smile , "But I've been a little…busy."
For the first time, Pansy seemed to notice someone else standing in Draco's room. She detached herself and turned and then, it was like Theo had slapped her. She blinked hard, stumbling back a few paces, jaw hanging open.
"What? Am I more monstrous than I've been led to believe?" Theo asked, but her reaction was hardly comforting.
"No…" Pansy was bright red , " Salazar, don't take this the wrong way - either of you - but I've never been so attractive to you than I am right now, Theo."
Draco made a squawking noise, "What the hell, Pans!"
She turned, "I told you not to get offended."
Theo frowned, "Really?"
His first thought was perhaps he'd go back to Hogwarts and perhaps Hermione would see him and maybe she'd also be pulled to him and -
"It's uncanny," Pansy continued, taking the wind out of his sails a tad, "Like you're too attractive. It's a bit off-putting."
"That's better," Draco crossed his arms, glaring at Theo like he'd chosen any of this.
"So what's wrong with him? A potion gone wrong?" She asked, tilting her head to Draco. Theo started to make a noise to not say anything , but Draco ignored him.
"Worse. A bad case of vampirism."
It took Pansy a few beats. She may not be a scholar in school, but she wasn't dumb. All at once, she made a sharp intake, gasping hard , "Oh!" She looked back at Theo, swallowing , "O h."
She didn't seem afraid. Let it never be said that Pansy wasn't made of the stronger stuff. Or, perhaps she felt safe with a werewolf here.
Theo made a little shaking motion with his hands, "Ta-da."
Pansy strode up to Theo, examining him. He felt like he was prey, and she was a shark, circling him ominously. It was the first time he hadn't felt like a predator. And you know what, for everything Draco bemoaned about her, Theo respected her for that .
"You'll need to do something," Pansy finally announced, "Otherwise you'll send the girls at Hogwarts into a frenzy."
Theo looked at Draco, "Am I really that good-looking?"
He knew that everything had been heightened, smoothed in a sense. Any imperfection was molded like clay in the hands of a cruel god. He felt more himself than he ever had. No creaking bones, no strange growth spurts, no mortal irritations.
Draco stared at him like he'd sprouted another head, "Well, fuck, mate. It would be weird if I answered that, right?"
"You are," Pansy confirmed, "If it's getting me flustered around you, and I remember you when you were five and you ate a worm on a dare and sat on Crabbe and farted on his face until he called uncle. So to make you attractive to me in any way shape or form is positively a miracle."
Theo winced, "Urg, thanks for reminding me of my foolish youth, Pans."
" I think you're so attractive that you could get girls to swing back towards guys. We should get Tracey to see if that's true." Pansy continued.
"Tracy's gay?" Draco blinked in shock, "Since when?"
"That's not the point right now," Theo was now beginning to understand why Pansy seemed so stressed out about this. If he wanted to finish his last year and a half in relative peace and anonymity, becoming Hogwart's most eligible bachelor overnight was hardly the way to go. Even if he claimed that he'd gone on an extreme workout regimen, Pansy was right. There were just some parts of him that were clearly tagged as 'unnatural'.
"So…what are you going to do?" Pansy crossed her arms, looking at Theo expectantly, "I'd imagine you're going back to Hogwarts, right?"
"I mean…yes?" Theo winced, "I'm a bit annoyed no one thought to tell me I'm such a…" He flexed his fingers, struggling for the words , "Well you know! You're excused, Draco, because I do admit you telling me in a 'brotherly' way that I was hot would be weird. But your parents? Voldemort? Anyone?"
"You're my mother's second son, of course, she thinks you're attractive," Draco pointed out, "And if Voldemort imagines that he looks good without a nose, well, he's probably not the person to make a judgment on beauty. And everyone else?" Draco shrugged, "You're scary now! Thank Pansy for being honest."
Beside him, Pansy preened.
"Thanks, Pansy," Theo mumbled.
"Well, it's clear you idiots haven't any bright ideas to fix this. It seems you need a woman's touch."
Theo stumbled back, gagging, "You might be attracted to me, but I'm in no way attracted to you-,"
"It was metaphorical, you dunce," Pansy rolled her eyes, "I'm talking about glamour spells! I don't imagine either of you know any?"
Theo and Draco gave each other sheepish looks.
"Exactly," Pansy rubbed her chin, "I'm going to pop back to my house. Give me half an hour. We'll figure this out."
Theo gave a soft smile "Thanks. You don't have to help me, you know?"
"I do like you, Theo. Just not like that," She said with an equally small grin, "And if I have to hear girls moan about how wet you make them all year, I'll go mad."
Theo choked a bit, "What?" He asked, but Pansy had already gone through Draco's Floo system, "What?" He repeated, dazed. He'd never been popular with birds before. And he didn't even need one…just Granger.
"I wouldn't get your hopes up. I'm sure she was just being overly dramatic," Draco assured, "And it's going to be a non-issue, right?"
Theo shouldn't be upset. He'd only known he'd been attractive for twenty minutes, maybe less. The idea of losing it shouldn't bother him. He forced a terse nod.
Waiting for her, Theo stress-drank a vial of Thorfinn's blood.
Pansy returned, her arms piled high with magazines and beauty books. Draco started absently flipping through it.
"Twenty Ways to Make a Boy Lose His Head- Merlin, what are you reading, Pansy?"
"Stop it," Pansy grasped it from his hand, "And ignore that. It's all rubbish anyway. Here." She flattened the page, tapping, "Find the 'Spells and Charms' section. We need that."
Theo and Draco glanced at each other, unsure. It was like touching these magazines would bite them.
"Well, go on! We only have two days before we're back to start." Pansy commanded and Theo squashed back any sense of hesitation and flattened the glossy pages open on the floor.
There had to be a spell in here…somewhere.
XXX
Stepping back onto the platform in January, Theo was struck with a panic. Though he'd spent the last two days perfecting his glamour spells, he was sure something would go awry.
It was bloody uncomfortable. Not holding the spell, which Pansy told him was a herculean effort, but physically having the charm on him. It was like he was wearing a plastic layer over everything, but as Pansy said, he was finally back to 'normal'. Or close, at least.
Apparently, he'd always be a bit more attractive than Pansy recalled.
"More is the pity," She added, just to stab him in the heart.
Theo was sure as soon as he was here, the charm would snap off and he'd be revealed as otherworldly.
But that didn't happen.
Classmates bumped around him, almost ignoring him.
By Merlin, it worked?
"Theo, good to see you!" Little Astoria Greengrass said as she passed, "Did you get over your illness?"
According to Draco, they were saying that Theo had a fit of some sort at the Christmas Party and the reports of an attack were severely overdramaticized.
"Yeah, right as rain now," He said, smiling at her. He waited for her to be blown away, but instead, she just grinned .
"Daphne was really worried about you, you know," She added, leaning in to wink.
"Tori, whatever you're saying, it better not make me want to hex you!" Daphne said, two steps behind.
"Nothing, Daph," Astoria replied with an innocent blink.
Before, Theo may have preened at the implication. But now, he just smiled kindly at Daphne.
"Perfectly in good health as you can see."
"I'm going to kill her," Daphne rolled her eyes, "I was no more worried for you than anyone else, okay?"
Theo started to relax, "Sure, Daph."
Draco loaded them into a car with Pansy, Blaise, Millie, Crabbe, and Goyle. Blaise was telling a raunchy story about his time in the sunny Seychelles with his mother, something that had Crabbe and Goyle practically salivating at his lewd descriptions of a muggle waitress.
"You're so lucky…" Goyle pouted.
"No, he's disgusting," Pansy shuddered, "Aren't you offended, Mill?"
"No. The betrothal is purely political," Millie shrugged, "And I'd rather my future husband know how to please me well, if you know what I mean."
Theo started to think that everything was going to be okay. All this felt so…normal.
Trouble came a few hours in.
He'd pre-drank before getting on the train, but something about being in such close quarters with everyone…well, out of all of them, Blaise smelled absolutely delectable. Maybe all that fragrant fruit he'd been partaking in? In any case, Theo was starting to lose his grip on his hunger. Whenever someone shifted, he could almost taste them on his tongue and…
"Theo!" Pansy said sharply, "I think you should go get us some snacks from the trolly."
"What?" Theo asked, his voice parched like he hadn't drunk anything in a thousand years.
"I think we're all a bit starving, aren't we ?" She asked meaningfully, "And you're closest to the door."
Then, she jerked her head out.
Theo took two deep breaths.
"Yeah, sure," He said, grateful for her. He understood why Draco continued to date her, all at once, "What does everyone want?"
He half-listened as everyone threw their request his way and then he stood on jerky legs, trying to get anywhere but here.
He held his breath, the Hogwarts train a cacophony of tanalizing smells and shut himself in a bathroom.
He opened the window, sucking in fresh air weakly.
When he turned to the mirror, his eyes were red.
The thought of drinking his classmates dry was in his head. Whatever part of him that was monstrous had taken over, whispering sweetly.
But won't they taste so good, Theo?
Frantically, Theo found his spare blood vial in his robes, and he was grateful Narcissa had insisted. It was easy when he was at the Manor, with so much space between the inhabitants. And he was turned off from trying to eat Draco, small miracles . He hadn't considered that being so close to everyone would be nothing short of torture.
Fuck. He hadn't wanted to down more blood this quickly; he was going to be out far sooner than planned at this rate.
But he needed it. He uncorked it and drank it messily, feeling like he couldn't eat fast enough. When he was done, the vial clattered into the sink. He looked up, staring at his blood-stained lips, his hands coated in whatever Death Eater he'd just partook in.
Shaking , like an addict, Theo cleaned the vial, the sink, and his hands methodically . Then, he wiped around his mouth, saliva with the taste of iron gathering on his tongue.
"You're fine, mate," He whispered in the mirror, "You can do this."
He opened the door of the bathroom and the most delicious smell wafted past his nose. It was like a memory from his childhood; like a birthday cake his mother had cooked that he'd long forgotten, the first time he'd tried chocolate, the most vibrant strawberry he'd ever tasted. It was everything good and Theo was entranced.
All he could think about was having that right now.
He turned and caught Hermione turning into one of the carriages a few feet away.
You have to have that…
Theo started to move, but as he did, a memory surfaced.
No, not a memory, his dream.
He blinked and his hands were soaked in blood. His dream was laid over reality, and when he turned, Hermione was behind him, weakly whimpering, her throat torn open.
Behind her lay all her Gryffindor friends, their blood seeping into the carpet below.
Theo backed up into the bathroom, slamming the door, and slid down to the floor. Sweat broke out across his skin and he felt sick. He turned, vomiting the blood vial back up into the toilet, and it burned on the return trip up.
Time passed strangely in the bathroom. He stayed, glued to the floor, switching between heaving gulps of air and nausea, staring at the metal walls.
He recognized the train had stopped but nothing in him could summon him to stand . Not until someone threw the door open, and he turned, expecting a teacher.
Instead, Draco and Pansy stood, looking at him with such pity .
"Oh, Theo…" Pansy cooed, crouching down beside him, "You look terrible."
"Was it her?" Draco asked cautiously. Pansy frowned, still unsure who Theo fancied. Never in a million years would she guess Granger, Theo figured.
Theo managed a weak nod. He didn't have to say it for Draco to know why he'd locked himself in here. He felt so pathetic; reduced to a teary, wet mess by the mere sight of her a few yards away.
"Well…" Draco groaned, "This is going to be harder than we thought."