Tags: [Slice of Life] [Comedy]

Characters: [Starswirl the Bearded] [Princess Celestia] [Princess Luna]

Written By: SuperPinkBrony12

Once the matter with Stygian had been resolved and peace had returned to the realm, Starswirl the Bearded returned to Canterlot where he was very pleased to be reunited with his old students: Celestia and Luna. Although he quickly declared his intent to travel and see all that had changed in his absence, the royal sisters were insistent on at least having him stay the night at the castle in Canterlot with them. And the old wizard found that he couldn't resist the offer.

After bidding farewell to his fellow pillars as they all set off to see what had become of their homes, Starswirl was treated to a truly wonderful feast from the palace chefs, including foods he'd never gotten to taste and beverages he'd never gotten to drink before. It was hard for the royal sisters not to giggle at his lack of table manners during the feast.

Of course what goes in must inevitably come out. Not long after being shown his bedchambers for the night, Starswirl became aware of a faint but fast growing gurgling sensation in his stomach. It was audible enough for both Celestia and Luna to hear it, and they soon saw their mentor clearly straining as he put a hoof to his stomach. "Is everything okay, Starswirl?" Celestia was the first to ask him even though she had a pretty good idea what the problem was.

"I hate to ask this after you two have already been so accommodating," Starswirl said. "But I haven't been around this castle much and I'm afraid I don't know my way very well. Would you be so kind as to direct me to the nearest royal lavatory? I unfortunately don't have my old chamber pot on me at the present moment, and I doubt I could borrow either of yours."

The royal sisters immediately snickered as goofy grins formed on their faces. Luna was the first to respond. "Actually, Starswirl. We have something much better in store that you're not gonna believe. It's what most ponies use these days."

"It's also a lot cleaner." Celestia added. There's a lavatory just down the hall. Please follow us and we'll show you."

Starswirl carefully followed his former students as they ushered him down the hallway. He did loosely remember a few times at the old castle of escorting them to the lavatory trenches at night, and now it seemed the roles were being reversed. He didn't know what could possibly have changed in the more than a thousand years he'd been gone. However, he was about to be in for a rather interesting surprise.

With the glow of a horn the door knob near the finely decorated lavatory door began to turn, the door itself swung open but a few seconds later and a light flickered on to flood the room.

Once Starswirl's eyes had adjusted to this sudden light, he saw that this lavatory was nothing like the ones he'd seen in his time. There was a massive bathtub that had some kind of nozzle over it, and knobs on either side of it as well as something that hung over head (though for what reason he didn't know). But the most interesting thing in the lavatory was a gleaming white bowl made of an unknown substance. The bowl seemed to stretch up to almost Starswirl's height before ending in a round shaped seat. Resting up against it was a lid now placed against some sort of tank. Attached to the upper left side of the tank it was a gleaming, silver colored ramp like object. "What's this?" He asked while inspecting the inside of the bowl. He could see that it was filled with crystal clear water and there was also some kind of hole at the bottom.

Princess Luna smiled. "This is a toilet." She answered before turning towards Celestia. "You know something, sister? I can still remember the time that you introduced me to such a device when I came back from the moon. I must admit that it felt like I was truly out of this world after I tried using one for the first time."

Princess Celestia let out a chuckle as she turned her attention to Starswirl. "It's made of porcelain."

Starswirl the Bearded suddenly remembered upon hearing those words. "Ah yes, I remember hearing about ponies experimenting with such material shortly before my departure to limbo. And I heard rumors that ponies were trying to come up with a replacement for the trenches based on the chamber pot concept. " He eyed this new object as he then asked the royal sisters. "They finally managed to perfect the design?"

"Yes," Princess Celestia answered. "Although it has been refined over the course of more than a thousand years, more than enough time for everypony to come around to accepting it."

"Amazing, isn't it?" Luna decaired.

The old wizard was satisfied with the answer. "Not everypony could afford to have servants or maids to empty out the chamber pots and trenches of old. If something like this were being made back then, it would cost a fortune."

"True," Celestia commented. "But many of these toilets are actually now quite affordable. It can also empty itself."

"Really?" Starswirl asked as he was reminded of the reason for his visit to the lavatory, and it had to do with what was in front of him now. "So how am I supposed to use it?"

"It's really quite simple." Luna explained. "You just sit down on it just like we would do with our royal throne and then let nature take care of the rest. And when you're ready to clean up, you can use this," She gestured a hoof to a nearby rack containing some sort of papery substance. "This is called toilet paper. You use it like you used to use newspaper or other materials with chamber pots and trenches. Then you just place it in the toilet bowl."

"And what's this little silver handle for?" Starswirl pondered as he clumsily moved to sit down on the toilet seat, his rump positioned over the bowl to the best of his ability.

"Luna and I can explain after you're done." Celestia told him. "For now, we'll wait outside so as to give you some privacy." And she and Luna did just that.

Despite still having a few questions about how this modern device he was seated upon worked, Starswirl quickly turned his attention to more pressing concerns. He felt quite relieved once he'd taken care of his personal business, especially since his stomach no longer bothered him and was empty once again.

Using the toilet paper was a bit more challenging than it initially seemed, but the old wizard soon figured out how to do it properly with his magic. He rose from the toilet and wiped himself until he was certain his rump was spotless. "Okay, you can come back in now!" He announced to the royal sisters after depositing the used rolls into the bowl as instructed.

"Well done, Starswirl," Princess Celestia declared to her former mentor as both she and Luna came over to him. "Now that you're all done there's only one thing left to do. It's the best part too, or at least I think so because it's so convenient. Do you see that little silver handle over there?"

Starswirl eyed the object on the tank of the toilet and nodded.

"If you push that handle down, the toilet will begin to flush." Luna explained. "This is how it empties itself after usage. It's like magic. Watch!" She used her magic to surround the handle and press it down.

Suddenly, there was a mighty loud roar! The wizard looked down into the bowl and saw the water was now spinning around and around, growing higher while doing so. As it spun faster and faster, everything in them was sucked down through the hole. Seconds later, the water swirls down the hole and disappeared. Then the toilet made a strange gurgling sound and the water returned shortly afterwards without a trace of anything that had been in it before, it was sparkling clean once again.

Starswirl trotted to the sink to wash his hooves as Celestia asked him. "So, what do you think? The toilet is truly impressive, isn't it? I can't imagine my life without it now."

"It's definitely a lot more efficient than having to carry an old chamber pot around, or depending on servants to reliably empty out a trench," Starswirl seemed to agree. "That flush is truly something else. To think that it can so easily suck everything you put into it down, as long as it can fit through the hole of course. And you don't even have to stand up to use it either, at least when it's one of those models. But it hardly seems fair to compare your royal thrones to something that, as convenient as it is, is also where one's waste ends up."

"I guess there are many ponies that just want to feel like royalty," Luna shrugged her hooves. "Though for some young ones the size of it and the noise it makes whenever somepony flushes it can be quite intimidating. I know I felt that way during my first encounter with it. Fortunately, I had my sister to help me adjust to its presence."

"Well, the only thing that still puzzles me is where everything ends up after a flush," Starswirl explained as he finished washing his hooves. "It must all go somewhere, does it not?"

"There are some pipes that are attached to the toilet. And those pipes in turn connect to other pipes, which ultimately bring everything to the sewers. Where it ends up after that I don't know, and I don't want to know." The sun princess commented.

"It's the same with me. The sewers are far too unpleasant to even think of exploring or investigating," The night princess added. "And if there's ever a problem with this toilet, Celestia and I just call a plumber. This is actually the fifth toilet we've had installed here. As impressive and powerful as they are they're not built to last forever."

The old wizard then proposed. "Well, something as incredible as this is far too valuable to just discard when it's no longer needed. If you should need to replace it again, I have a feeling I could make good use of the old one to test out various spells, just like when I used to use my old chamber pots for target practice."

"Well, if our toilet needs replacing you'll be the first to know." Luna told Starswirl.