Peter Parker

David and I took the subway over to his part of town. We were able to find a train car that was empty. The ride was quiet at first. The meeting was still on my mind. I was going to have to work with Michelle. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. Even though she had a huge hand in me actually getting the medical care I needed, I was still angry with her over quite a few things. Beyond that, I met Josh. He seemed like an okay guy, but the others were treating him rather coldly. I was a bit confused by that, but I didn't say anything. But now that I was out of the meeting and with David, I figured it'd be a good time to ask.

"What's everyone's deal with Josh?" I asked.

"It's a long story," David replied. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "…Josh is a former Friends of Humanity member."

My eyebrows shot up. "…Are you serious?"

"I'm very serious."

"But he's a…" I trailed off before I looked around. I looked back at David. "…You know…"

"He wasn't always one."

I shook my head in confusion. "So what happened with that?"

"Well, when he became a You-Know-What, the F.O.H. chapter he was a part of turned on him."

I scoffed. "…I can't believe it. Josh was a bigot?"

"He says he wasn't. According to him, the only reason why he joined was because a friend of his convinced him to go to a meeting and he was motivated to keep going because his father – a prominent F.O.H. member – praised him. Apparently, they didn't have a good relationship."

I frowned. "Do you believe him?"

"Whether or I believe him or not doesn't matter," David answered bitterly. "Even if he wasn't a bigot, he was complicit in what The Friends of Humanity were doing. Josh wants to be upset over the X-Men giving him the cold shoulder. Me personally, I think he should shut the hell up and be glad that the cold shoulder is all they're giving him."

I decided not to push the issue. On one hand, Josh was the reason Craig and I were back to full health. On the other hand, what could I tell David? I knew what The Friends of Humanity were about and I knew the type of people that made up their organization – the type of people who'd terrorize David for reasons not related to him being a mutant.

When we got to his place, David offered me some leftover pizza from the day before since he had to go to the library to study. I took him up on his offer. I didn't even bother warming it up. I was surprised to see anchovies on it. I didn't mind it. While anchovies weren't one of my go-to choices for toppings, it wasn't something I disliked. As I ate in silence, I was wondering how I was going to deal with working with Michelle.

There was a part of me that just wanted to talk to her to see if we could hash things out. I didn't like the fact we weren't even on okay terms. And I as I told her before, I understood why she broke up with me. But every time I think of reaching out to her, the more I remember seeing her come out of the restaurant with Brad and the argument we had the day before Firestar gave me the worst beatdown I've received in possibly my whole career. And I can't help but wonder if talking to her would even solve anything when she basically wrote my feelings off as mere jealousy.

I needed to talk to someone. I just didn't know who to talk to. I guess I could talk to David, but he was already out. Before I could think of who else I could speak to, I heard a knock on the door.

I looked at the door from my seat on the sofa. I stood up quietly and walked towards it slowly. While my Spider Senses weren't going out, I was still listening for any sign of ill intent by whoever was outside. Once I reached the door, I looked through the peephole. I then sighed in relief as I stepped back, unlocked the door, and opened it. There was Kitty, standing there with a rolling suitcase and laptop bag.

"Hey Little Brother," she greeted.

"Hey Kitty," I replied before I stepped aside. I watched as she walked in. I closed the door and locked it. "How'd the rest of the meeting go?"

"About as okay as such a meeting could be, I guess." As she said this, she removed her shoes. "I brought over some clothes for you, along with your laptop. I hope you don't mind, but I installed a few more safeguards on it, just in case."

I smiled slightly. "Had it been almost anyone else, I would have been annoyed, but it's you, so…" I shrugged.

Kitty chuckled as she handed the laptop bag to me. "How're you doing?"

"I'm okay, I guess. I'm ready for this situation to be over."

"You and I both, Little Brother." She tilted her head. "…Are you sure you can work with MJ?"

"I'm sure," I lied. "Anything to be rid of Beck, really."

"I'm guessing things are icy between you and her," Kitty commented. She saw right through me. "Look, normally I wouldn't press the issue since it normally wouldn't be my business, but you two need to handle that sooner than later."

I scoffed as I walked past her. "What is there to handle? She wanted her distance and she got it."

I heard Kitty sigh. "I guess you're not over the argument."

I set the bag on the sofa and turned to look at her. "How much do you know?"

"I was able to get the relevant details from Scott and Joanna." Kitty walked over. She took a seat on the sofa before she patted the space next to her. Reluctantly, I took the seat.

"So you know about her having lunch with Brad?"

Kitty nodded slowly. "I do."

"So you understand why I'm upset, right?"

"To a point, I do."

I sneered. "To a point?"

Kitty took in a breath. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like where this conversation was going to go.

"Peter, here's the thing," Kitty began slowly. "I'm with you on certain things. I'm with you on you being upset over the argument you two had. I'm with you on being upset over her having lunch with Brad. Granted, a lot of that has to do with the fact he stalked me, took a picture of me without my consent, and tried to use that picture to make me out to be a backstabber. But I also find it rich that she's willing to have lunch with him after what he did despite breaking up with you over lack of trust."

I blinked slowly. "…Okay," I said slowly. "Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming up?"

Kitty swallowed. "…You kind of have to recognize your own hypocrisy, too."

I raised my eyebrows slowly. I then slowly stood up. "Excuse me?"

"Peter," Kitty warned. "I'm not trying to attack you. I'm just trying to point out something."

I shook my head as I walked away some steps. "Point out what, exactly?" I turned and faced her. I saw the morose look on her face. Normally, that would've been enough for me to calm down, but I was just that upset. "How am I anywhere near in the wrong? She broke up with me! I didn't like it one bit, but I understood. Then she turns around and has lunch with Brad?! And when I tried avoiding the argument, she wants to throw The Spell in my face?! What's so fucking different with Brad? Why does he get forgiveness from her while I she hangs my past mistakes over my head?!"

That's when Kitty stood up and glared at me. "Once again, I understand that. But how are you going to be mad at MJ for not forgiving you and when you obviously haven't forgiven yourself?"

My eyes went wide. My heartbeat went up. I was about to lose it.

"…Excuse me?" I replied in an eerily quiet tone.

"Did I stutter?" Kitty replied. She wasn't the least bit deterred by my tone. "Like seriously, Peter. Have you not been listening to yourself during the time leading up to MJ's personality merge? Almost every time The Spell becomes a topic of discussion, you're the one who brings it up! And every time you do, everyone else has to constantly remind you that you're not entirely at fault! Emphasis on not entirely, because I'm not going to lie to you and say you were completely innocent. But a lot of it wasn't. So you know what? If you want to be mad at MJ over Brad, that's fine. When it comes to her not entirely forgiving you, though, you can't say much. The call's coming from inside the house." With that, she literally walked right through me. "Do whatever you need to do to get right, Peter. Not just for the sake of everyone else, but for the sake of your current and future self."

I turned around to try and retort, but Kitty was gone. I shook my head before I looked back at the suitcase she left behind. After taking a breath, I walked over to it, grabbed it, and wheeled it over to the sofa. I then sat down. I looked down in thought for some seconds. I then pulled out my cellphone and called a number. After some seconds, the person I was calling picked up.

"Hello Peter," the person greeted.

"Hey Dr. Drumm," I replied. "…Um… I know this is kind of out of the blue, but do you have time for a session tonight? I could use someone to talk to."

"You and a lot of other people, I'm afraid. I'm about to jump into a session with another patient, so it's going to be a long while. But if you're willing to have a late night session, I can accommodate you. Would that be okay?"

"…Sure." What was I going to do? Say no? Beggars can't be choosers.

"Very well. I'll message you once I'm ready."

About a couple hours later, my laptop was open on the coffee table as I sat on the sofa. Before then, I was able to get the Wi-Fi password after texting David for it. I also made sure to have my VPN up and running. Dr. Drumm's face was on the screen. I saw him take a long sip from a mug. I assumed it was coffee.

"I hope I didn't call you at a bad time," I said.

Dr. Drumm gestured his mug towards me. "There's rarely such a thing as a bad time in my line of work," he replied. He set his mug down. "A bit of missed sleep is hardly a price to pay if it means helping someone through something major." He smiled slightly. "It's been a while Peter. How have things been?"

"Not well, doc. Not well at all."

"Is it something 'work' related or is it a personal life issue."

I took a moment to think about it. "…Both. It's complicated. I… I'm just… I feel a bit stuck."

Drumm nodded. "Hopefully I can help. What's bothering you exactly?"

I took in a breath. "Well…" I trailed off, taking a moment to figure out where I should start.

Once I did figure out where to start, I explained to him everything. I told him about the issues Michelle had due to her memories coming back. I told him about those memories taking a form of a version of Michelle living in a mini-universe formed inside of Michelle's subconscious – a universe where she was the only living being existing. I told him about how that version of Michelle resented me for not keeping my promise. I told him about Michelle underwent a personality merge and how those feelings of resentment carried over. I told him about the breakup and how I wasn't taking it well. I told him about how I was too slow to intervene when Carmilla got stabbed with a syringe during the mission out in Phoenix. I told him about me seeing Michelle with Brad. That led me to explain who Brad was and why seeing her with him me made me feel angry. I told him about how Scott and Joanna found out Beck was still alive and how he's working with Firestar, who was apparently someone from my past who held a huge grudge against me. I told him about how David and I failed to rescue Craig when he got abducted. I told him about the argument I had with Michelle after I rescued her from the rooftop of Hammer Industries' HQ. I told him about how I got put into a medically-induced coma after my second fight with Firestar. I told him about how I was able to recover because of a healer Scott knew and how Carmilla and I were able to find Craig. I told him about how I returned and how I'm supposed to work with Michelle to repair and upgrade The Black Dahlia Suit.

"…And that's just where I'm at right now," I finished.

"Complicated indeed," Dr. Drumm remarked. He took another sip of his coffee. "Did you talk to anyone about your issues with MJ?"

I took a moment to think about it. "A couple of times, I guess. But I didn't really talk about it with someone until a few minutes before I called you."

"…Is that what spurred you on to talk to me?" I looked away slowly, a bit embarrassed. Still, I nodded. "If you don't mind me asking, how did that conversation go?"

I looked back at the screen and frowned. "…I… I was talking with Kitty. She was urging me to try to handle things between me and Michelle as soon as possible. She got most of the details of the issues I have with Michelle from Scott and Joanna. I asked her if she understood my issues. She said she understood to a point."

Dr. Drumm raised an eyebrow. "To a point, you say?"

"Yeah, she said she understood while I was upset with Michelle. But then she said I was being hypocritical. She said I was being hypocritical because I'm upset over Michelle distrusting me over past mistakes when I haven't forgiven myself over those same issues. She says I've always been the one bringing up those issues in conversations since MJ's memories started coming back."

"And is it true what she says? Is it true that you've been the one who's always bringing it up?"

"…I mean… yes, but… I… I don't think it's because I feel guilty. I'm just trying to hold myself accountable."

"…Interesting…"

I tilted my head. "…Why is that interesting?"

Dr. Drumm chuckled. "Since we've been having these sessions, you've been pretty open about your life – both as Peter Parker and Spider-Man. During these talks, I couldn't help but notice a significant reoccurrence of self-sacrifice, if not a pattern. During your beginnings as Spider-Man, you left most of the clubs you were a part of while you were attending Midtown so you could have more time helping the city. There was the events surrounding and happening during the homecoming dance of your sophomore year. Stopping Vulture and keeping your identity a secret came at the expense of your friendship and potential romance with Liz. During the events of Europe, you gave up Edith to Beck because, despite the fact that Tony entrusted you with her, you felt like Beck would've been the better hero for the world. After The Spell was cast, you were essentially bent on giving up your previous relationships because you felt the people close to you were better off without you. Even after The Spell and the issues with Scorpion – the one created by Hammer Industries – you've shown those same tendencies, such as when you decided to follow and tail somebody despite the fact that you depowered at the time, knowing full well how dangerous that can be."

I shook my head slowly. "So what are you saying?" I started to feel attacked. "Are you saying I shouldn't be ready to put the greater good above myself?"

"That's not what I'm getting at," Dr. Drumm said in a calm tone.

"Then what are you getting at?" I demanded. "Isn't that not part of being a hero?"

"But are you just a hero?"

I scoffed. "What else am I?"

"You're a photographer for The Daily Bugle. You're a prospective college student and, by extension, possibly a future figure in the field of Biochemistry and/or Biomedical Engineering. You're also considered a dear friend, if not family, by a lot of people around you."

I was given pause. I then shook my head. "I'm also somebody with a lot of power. And as my Aunt May told me, with great power comes great responsibility?"

"…Okay, but doesn't your wellbeing and happiness fall within that responsibility?" That actually stopped me in my tracks completely. I wanted to retort. I really did. But I had nothing to say. "Most people would agree that with great power comes great responsibility. However, somewhere along the line, it seems as if you've been neglecting the responsibility you have to yourself."

I blinked slowly. "Is it not normal for people like us to put others before themselves?"

"It is. But we can't help others if we ourselves aren't okay."

That's when a question slipped out of my mouth that I did not see coming.

"…Even if we don't deserve to be okay?" I said. My eyes widened a bit. I was surprised I even said that.

Dr. Drumm raised his eyebrows. "Did something happen to make you believe that?"

I bowed my head as I thought about it. "…I… I don't know."

"I see." He paused for a moment. "…Peter, you have talked a lot with me about your Aunt. You said she raised you after your parents died. Was she the only one raising?"

I looked up at the screen. I frowned.

"…No."