She was about to call that damn hell of a day a night when the doorbell rang.
Slowly, she pressed her eyelids shut, her fist clenching. Whoever it was, they really had a poor timing.
Her right hand going to the holster on her hip, she unlocked the door and swung it open.
And drew a breath, and couldn't let it out, her pulse going wild. "What the fuck do you want?" she uttered when she got her voice back.
His eyes narrowing, mouth parting, he stepped closer, reaching for the muzzle of her pistol to move it out of the way. "I love the foreplay, but — you know that's gonna do exactly nothing, right?"
"I would shoot your fucking head off if you were mortal." She swallowed, her heart racing as he moved a step closer.
"Quick and painless death? Not really your style, though, is it?"
Her jaw muscles tightened, some annoying, paralyzing feeling settling in her gut. "For what you did to Amy, I would have you dying for days."
"What on earth are you talking about?" he asked, his face twisting in a grimace. "You gotta be kidding me… You think I—"
"—you really have the nerve to—"
"—you're…" He scoffed, his brows arching. "I don't know who fed you this bullshit, but congrats on having reliable sources."
"You're not a good liar," she said after a moment of hesitation, although, seeing the dismay etched all over his face, she knew he wasn't lying. Alexis might have as well fed her bullcrap for her own reasons, whatever those were. Actually, now that she thought to their encounter from the other day, it would make sense — half of that rambling was tailor-made to provoke her.
"Well, not as good as you turned out to be," he countered callously. "Then again, you set the bar pretty damn high, don't you think?"
"What are you talking about?" She frowned, the twitch in her gut coming back.
"Well, speaking of secrets…" He tossed the yellow, paper envelope to the floor between them, the contents spilling all over the dark-gray rug. "There's a little something here you might find of interest. Quite a number of conversation starters, I would say."
Her brows furrowed in a frown. So — Alexis shared the file with him, too — why? Leaking it to Gazpo made sense, to burn her career, but what was the point of involving him? Unless…
Her stomach turned, heat filling her cheeks. So, it was him. He sold her out to Gazpo.
Of course. He read the file, Alexis riled him up, and—
"That's some achievements you got on your scoreboard. And here I thought you were all about honesty and transparency. A model citizen. Looking down on me for what a terrible criminal I am." He snickered, the vicious vibe of his voice sending an unpleasant feeling over her. "Had I known you were a sadistic little killer like that, I would've fallen in love with you the moment I saw you."
"Get the fuck out," she said under her breath.
"It's funny, you know…" He smirked, a contemptuous tone to his voice. "All this time — I have to admit — you really got me fooled. Well, I did know you had some past, but — smuggling opioids and executing people? A biker gang? Gods, I would pay to see it." He laughed. "Oh, baby… We met ten years too late, don't you think?"
"We shouldn't have met at all," she uttered, her heart skipping a beat as he took another step towards her.
"It's not quite what your eyes say," he said huskily, making her knees grow weaker with every second, the sight of him, the raw need to smell him, feel him against her, inside her, it made her eyelids heavy, heat coiling in her lower abdomen.
Just when he was so close she could smell him, she sent a blow to his jaw; it threw him off balance, and gave her an opening to top it off with another one. It took him a second to recover, but when he did — holy shit, he was good — even better-than-her good — and the next several moments of the heated hand-to-hand combat had her panting — and filled her with such rush that she didn't quite notice when exactly, but at some point, when they landed of the rug and his fingers locked around her throat, she didn't stop him, just bit her tongue to stop herself from begging him to do what he did after she freed him from his pants and guided inside her, what he kept doing till she couldn't control her voice anymore.
At some point, his hand back on her throat, he gripped so tight she saw black — at some point, she thought he wouldn't stop, that it was her last breath; and, somehow, contrary to all instincts, as if under a spell, she let him; closed her eyes, and just let go.
She lifted her lids slowly and frowned, her mind hazy as she saw herself in bed — hers, from the look of it — him at her side, his face lit by the little bedside lamp.
"Gods, you scared the shit out of me…" he said on the exhale, fever and relief in his eyes.
"How long was I out?" She closed her eyes with a grunt.
"A few minutes," he said, brushing the strand of hair off her forehead. "Sorry, I…" He grazed her cheek with his thumb hesitantly, his jaw muscles twitching as his chest rose with a breath. "I lost it for a moment."
Seeing the guilty apprehension in his eyes, she longed to reach up and cradle his cheek, fought with herself not to.
"You never stopped me, why?" he asked quietly.
Getting caught up in staring at how he nibbled on both his lips interchangeably, she was taken off guard by how her eyes filled with tears so fast she didn't have a chance to hold them in. "I gotta go," she said hastily, making a move to get up.
"No, you don't," he said softly, and pulled her to his chest.
She should be angry at herself for this; for how close she was to breaking down, for how little she tried to stop it, for how much she didn't want to budge an inch further away from him, afraid she'd fall apart if he let go of her.
Then, snaps of their previous conversation coming back to her, she stiffened, bitter disappointment gripping her gut, her eyes sweeping over the mess they'd made on the floor, fucking among the bits and pieces of her old life. How fitting.
Though — well, he was who he was, but somehow — the thought he could do something like that to her — take away her life like that — discovering her past could've unsettled him a bit, she got that, he had the right to react the way he did — but to go as far as to stab her in the back and ruin her life like this — there were many things she wouldn't have put past him, but this — this was a low blow she wouldn't have expected.
Well, she got what she deserved for being a fool. For getting caught up in a fantasy he fed her; for thinking she was — whatever it was he almost made her believe she was to him.
She closed her eyes, her jaw clenching at the memory of her talk with Alexis, nausea settling in her stomach at the images the snippets of that conversation kept generating at the moment.
She pulled away and got out of bed.
"You okay?" he asked, somewhere far behind her back.
She would get over it. She'd lived through much worse.
She walked towards the kitchen sink and poured herself a glass of water. The silence grew heavy, till it was ringing in her ears, till she was about to go insane, torn between telling him to get the fuck out and the gut-gripping fear that he would.
"Why did you do it?" she asked numbly.
"Do what?" he echoed the question, stupefied.
"Leaked the file to my colleague."
"What are you talking about?" He tilted his head and frowned. "And what's some loser colleague of yours got to do with anything?"
"You knew we're at odds and that he'd pass it on — make me lose my job, my reputation, all I worked for over the last ten years — exactly what you wanted, isn't it — burn all my bridges till I'm left with nothing."
"Look — not that I didn't consider doing it — but whoever leaked it to whomever, it wasn't me."
"How did you get it? Alexis was the only one with access to it."
"Oh, I know, she filled me in on your little friendship. She kept the file to herself while you gave her your blessing to move tons of coke across the border — like a good little corrupt law-enforcement officer — sweet. Did you at least get a generous cut? She is one stingy bitch when it comes to business."
"I never took a dime from her."
"Not very business-savvy, are we?"
"It wasn't business. I didn't have a choice — if I broke the deal she would've leaked the file." She drew a long, calming breath, disgust rising in her. "Which she apparently did already. Congratulations. You must've have fucked her real good to earn a reward like this."
"Well, she's not that big a fan of yours anymore, in case the news hasn't reached you yet — and yes, she gave me the file, and it — made a certain impression on me, it did — but I didn't pass it on — you're the first person I'm showing it to," he said, and, a corner of his mouth going up in a smile, he added, "Love seeing you jealous, though."
"Don't touch me," she hissed, but did nothing to stop him. Her body acted on its own accord; as soon as she felt him reach for her waist, strong arms entrapping her, it was a lost cause. Her breath quivery, her fingers sank into his shoulders before she knew it.
"Listen to me," his thick whisper tickled her forehead, turning her skin to gooseflesh. "I never met Amy. What happened — I only know what MB told me — and I couldn't tell you the whole truth, not with the state you were in."
"I know." She sniffed, her eyes welling up at the memory. "Alexis said it was you," she said, and only then realized how stupid it sounded; how stupid it felt to realize she'd taken Alexis' bullshit at face value.
"Looks like she's not too keen on the idea of me and you getting along." He nuzzled along her forehead.
"That's why she gave you the file…" It suddenly occurred to her. "She knew you'd confront me about it, that we'd clash over it."
"And she set me up by sending it to your colleague, having you think I betrayed you."
She exhaled, her chest feeling suddenly so much lighter.
"She also sent me the voice recording, the one you made of me," he said. "She said she got it from you."
"I never sent anything, she must've hacked my phone…" she said, and he looked up, their eyes meeting, a subtle shade of relief in his.
"Well…" He grinned. "Seems like she's got a serious crush on me, then — judging by how hard she's trying to get rid of you."
She gritted her teeth, bile rising up her throat at the vision of him with Alexis. And she didn't mask it too well, apparently, because his grin widened so much that she wanted to punch him in the face. He really only saved himself by a split-second, when he run his palm up her back, his nose brushing hers.
"I don't know what she told you, but… for whatever it's worth, I didn't sleep with her."
Hating herself for how much it was actually worth, she bit her lip to suppress the stupid smile playing at the corner of her mouth. Reaching out to touch him, her hand moving up his jaw, her thumb brushing the little crook under his ear — high on his scent, she stopped fighting it; and moaned into his mouth, uncontrollably, the charge running her through when she cradled his face, when their lips touched, her heart swelling in her chest, making her ache to tell him. That, because of her recklessness, there was a new life between them now, growing inside her.
Then, her mind drifted away and it was just him; so close and too far, no matter how tight he held her, cutting her breath off; this time with his mouth only.