Preston paces back and forth in this new home that had none of the grandeur of his ancestral mansion thanks to it being bought by that hillbilly of all people! Oh that galled him to no end.
His brow furrowed as he glares at Pacifica, who upon finally coming back is slumped on a chair, arms crossed.
"Pacifica! Where have you been? You can't just disappear like that! I need to know what you're doing—especially with Pines and their freaks!" Preston demanded his daughter.
Paz grumbled while rolling her eyes "Ugh, chill out, dad! I was just… getting out of that stupid Zim. You know, a green guy with a 'skin condition' when everyone here can clearly see he's a dumb extraterrestrial cockroach?"
That made him raise an eyebrow "He's an alien? I thought it was just some subhuman inbred by hillbillies." The worst part was that he was genuine in his confusion. He then contemplated with a hand on his chin and got an idea evidenced by his expression "Mhm, I wonder if…"
The Northwest girl recognizing that expression of her father when he was scheming sighed "Are you serious? You want to scam the bug alien? Might as well be asking to wrestle a swarm of hornets! He's crazy, you know!"
Her father smirked "Crazy? Or just really, really dumb? I mean, if he has access to all that tech, there has to be a way to exploit it. Imagine what we could do with it… "
PAcifcia exasperated "This isn't a game, Dad! You could end up getting us vaporized or abducted by his creepy little spaceship! I barely escaped whatever insanity that followed him last time!"
" But think about it, Pacifica. If we could just get one of those gadgets… we could flip it and make a fortune. We'd be rolling in cash instead of hiding in this dump!"
Paz groaned with a hand rubbing her face " I'm not getting involved in your harebrained schemes to make us billionaires again! Just let me rant about these stupid aliens while I have my sleepy beauty…" she stood up and went to her room not wanting to deal with her father.
Preston huffed "Fine, but I'm still thinking about it. You know if I pull it off, you'll thank me later!"
"Yeah, right. You just keep dreaming dad." Pacifica muttered as she walked away.
Tomorrow…
In the Shack, a certain old man was begging on his knees in front of her great niece.
"YOU GOTTA HELP ME!" That was Stan on his knees with hands together begging to his surprised great niece "There's…that witch I refuse to call a woman who has been sneaking around asking about me!"
Mabel's surprised turned into bemusement "Oh come on Grunkle Stan, surely, Miss Bitters is not that bad– "
"She is." Dib bluntly cut her off as he was watching Ghost Harassers with Dipper on TV and then still got a bit winced when the Snarl Beast purred near him. He gradually got used to the idea of the Snarl Beast liking him, which did not mean he wasn't still jumpy around it a bit.
"Yes." Dipper agreed.
"Absolutely." Gaz grunted as she gently petted Waddles
"Definitely." So did Wendy in the cashier's place while Mabel turned left and right from between them.
"When did Wendy and Dipper meet her?" Mabel in bewilderment wondered out loud.
"Trust me, that meeting I had with that crone was enough for a lifetime." Wendy shuddered at the memory of Miss Bitters.
"I fear no man….but that thing? It scares me." Gaz grimaced in agreement with the Lumberjill.
"Oh yeah, I think I messed myself up a bit dawg!" Soos while cleaning dust vocalized which no one needed to know.
"TMI dude." Wendy made a face.
"Too much information honey." Melody helping her husband sighed.
Mabel turned back to Stan "oh come Grunkle! You keep boasting about how many hearts you broke! Surely this ain't no different!"
"I'm pretty sure just saying the wrong word to that she-devil would be the end of me." Stan groused.
"Sucks to be you." The big headed boy said like he was on death's bed.
"Oh suck a lemon ya big headed brat! You're infatuated fangirl can't even hurt a fly and yet you let her continue simping on ya!" The Elder Pines snapped.
The Membrane boy facepalmed "Oh by Christ which I don't believe in, I forgot about that she KISSED ME!" he uttered in disbelief. "I mean, sure I sometimes imagine myself with a girlfriend when I become a successful paranormal investigator…but I never imagined it ACTUALLY would happen!" He still could not believe it.
"Really? You believe in cryptids, yet question the existence of God?" Dipper raised an eyebrow at Dib.
"If God existed, he wouldn't make the bane of all existence, that is Zim." Dib grumbled which made his sister snort.
"Does that include a girl having an interest in you?"
"Oh please! I'm basically a walking pariah back in Skool! If this was mediaeval times they would have burned me alive and called me a witch!" Dib groaned in frustration. "How was I supposed to know someone ACTUALLY had romantic interest in me!?"
"I am not even dignifying that with an answer." Gaz deadpane stated. Recalling the so many obvious hints of Gretchen having a crush on him which he was obvious about.
"Also, I think I once saw you on Mysterious Mysteries but after a few appearances of you, it got canceled. What happened? Did Zim happen?" Dipper recalled.
Dib looked sheepish "Oh uhm here's the thing ... .I caused it to get canceled."
Dipper blinked in surprise.
"Yeah…turns out taking advantage of a 'mentally unstable' child to get rates and views is cause for concern for the Network…got a cool mug though as an apology…" He had no idea what to feel about that even now. Not to mention his father was proud of him for causing the cancellation of 'Unscientific pseudo-science fills people's heads with nonsense.'
Stanley flailed his hands "AH SCREW THIS! I'm just gonna message her to stop harassing me, move away, fake my death and pretend to be my brother again!"
"I'VE HEARD THAT!" Ford shouted from somewhere else in the Shack.
Mabel frowned in indignation "Grunkle Stan! You do not tell a lady off in a message! You say it to her face!"
Stan shook his hand "Oh no no no way! I'm gonna do the cowardly thing and just tell that hag I'm not interest preferably from safe distance— "
"I can't believe you managed to convince me into suicide." Stanley grumbled as he sat in Suzan's Dinner.
"Oh come Grunkle, you're being overdramatic" Mabel tried to comfort him.
"I have a higher chance of surviving a pack of piranhas than surviving that." Stan drily commented.
"Pigs develop interstellar travel before any man survives Miss Bitters's advancements." Gaz in another table behind them drinking soda from a straw snorted.
"Why are you even here, ya goth!?" Stan hissed back.
"To enjoy the show of course." Gaz nonchalantly said, making Stan's face fall knowing he would do that if the situation was reversed. "Better watching you squirm than my brother's painful rom-con."
Before Stan could snark an aura of dread suddenly encompassed the Suzan Dinner.
Because the She-Devil herself Miss Bitters has entered slithering like a demonic shadow, as she passed by Mayor Tayler who was holding a mug immediately moved away from her road hastily looking like he just saw a coming ghost and Manly Dan who was gonna do the Manly Challenge game thing upon seeing the demonic crone distracted missed the mark and hit someone else to the face. The only one not affected was Lady Suzan who was…well Lady Suzan.
"Hello, Stan Pines…" Miss Bitters sat over with a ghastly grin "Did you miss me this soon?"
"...Maybe the message thing was a good idea after all…." Mabel whispered to her Grunkle, now understanding why everyone was scared of her.
Outside, Dib and Gretchen met up both in an awkward silence not knowing what to say while the Snarl Beats looked curiously. Snarl Beast was the reason why none of the Skool kids didn't dared to try anything on Dib and Gretchen, though Chunk at first tried but he then ran away screaming when the blue cat snarled at him with too many mouths of jagged teeths.
"So… um, about yesterday…" Dib glanced at the ground.
Gretchen blushed "Right! That… uh, kiss."
" Yeah! I mean, it's not like I wasn't surprised." He awkwardly paused, "You like me, huh?"
She stammered "Well, um… kinda? I mean, I thought it might be… you know, fun? But now I'm just super embarrassed!"
Fun! Right! I didn't know you felt that way. I thought maybe it was just… a thing." The big headed boy scratched his head.
"A thing? Like, a kiss thing?" Her eyes widened.
Dib was a bit quick to respond "No! I mean, yes! But, like, a spontaneous thing, right?"
Gretchen nervously giggled "So it was spontaneous? Like… an impulse?"
Yeah! Impulsive!"
"So, does that mean you… liked it?" she asked hopefully.
Dib became red-faced and his voice cracked a bit "I mean, it was… nice? Just really unexpected, you know?"
"So… maybe we could… you know, talk more?" She smiled shyly.
The Membrane boy gulped at that "Talk! Right! I can talk. A lot of that!"
"Great! Just not about the kiss, okay?"
"Yeah! Definitely… not about that."
They both stood there for a moment in awkward silence, shifting their weight while the alien cat was confused by their interaction.
"So, um, see you at lunch?"
"Yeah! Lunch! I'll… definitely be there." Dib smiled nervously and guided her to Suzan's Dinner with Snarl Beast following Dib.
Both blushed as they tried to process the awkwardness.
Wendy and Dipper looking back while hanging out with Wendy's gang smirked.
"This is better than The Duchess Approves Stan 1 likes so much." The redhead mused.
"I'm starting to see why Mabel sees appeal in this." The Pines boy agreed with her.
On the other side, a few Schoolmates who were present upon seeing that, some of them got depressed.
"Can't believe Dib got a girlfriend while I didn't…" Tae depressed slouched down.
"I'm gonna die alone." Brian commented.
Zita sighed at the depression "Come on guys, what's with the sad faces? Shouldn't you be happy that Dib managed to find someone despite his uhm ... .intensity?"
"I'm still the guy who would get one after DIB FREAKING MEMBRANE!" Carl groaned in despair while Dib who heard the commotion was unsure whether to take this as a compliment or be offended. Sara meanwhile rolled her eyes.
Wendy and Dipper meanwhile laughed their asses off after Wendy spat out her Pitt Cola.
The diner is busy with the afternoon crowd. Miss Bitters sits across from Stanley, her piercing eyes trained on him. Mabel sits next to him, glancing nervously between them.
Miss Bitters got closer, voice dripping with malicious enthusiasm "So, Stanley, tell me about your... interests. Do you enjoy... the suffering of others?"
Stan gulped and said awkwardly "Uh, well, you know, I like, uh... fishing?"
She frowns, not the answer she had hoped "Fishing? How... delightful. Nothing like reeling in an unsuspecting fish and then gutting them out, eh?"
Stanley swallowed hard, glancing sideways at Mabel for help.
"Um, fishing is really great when you don't catch anything! Right, Grunkle Stan?" The Pines girl tried supporting his Grunkle.
The demonic hag ignored the Pines girl and stared at Stan with cold analysis "But what about your emotional interests?"
He rubbed the back of his neck " Look, Miss Bitters, I really—"
"Please, don't call me "Miss." We're practically soulmates at this point."
Mabel squeaked, wide-eyed.
That was when whatever faux confidence the Elder Pines had got shattered as he stammered :" I-I'm just here for the... uh... "
Miss Bitters finally got notice of Mabel and asked her bluntly "And why is a child like you in the presence of true... intellectuals?"
Mabel freezes, eyes wide like a deer in headlights.
Just then, lady suzan approaches, unaffected by the tension.
Lady Suzan cheerfully announced "Good afternoon! What can I get you lovely people?"
The demonic crone strands herself and tells her to order " I would like... a tall glass of the tears of the innocent."
Suzan utterly unfazed chirped " Right away! And for everyone else?"
Stanley sighed " I'll just have a burger and fries."
"And a milkshake!" The Pines girl was too quick to say her order.
Gaz, sitting at a nearby table sipping from a straw, smirks and glances over at the mess. "This is better than TV."
Mabel and Stan glared at the gaz, while lady suzan simply smiles, moving on.
Miss Bitters gazed back "Well, Stanley, I'll be waiting for more... revelations."
Stanley forces a smile, trapped in the conversation. "Great…"
As she walked away toward the bathroom, Mabel leaned closer to Stan, whispered.
"Just tell her you're not interested!"
"Easier said than done!" Stan snapped in panic.
Meanwhile, Gaz takes a long sip, relishing the unfolding spectacle.
On the other side, Dib and Gretchen sit at a cozy booth, surrounded by the din of conversation and the smell of greasy diner food. Dib fidgets nervously with a straw wrapper, while Gretchen excitedly flips through a menu with Snarl Beast sitting near Dib sleeping.
The big headed boy faked a cough " So, uh, I heard their burgers are... like, scientifically amazing?" he internally cringed at what he just said.
Gretchen giggled "Scientifically amazing? Is that what you call them? I just call them delicious!"
Dib straightens up, adjusting his glasses. "Right! Delicious. But, I mean, do you think they add some kind of special... ingredient that makes them so good?"
" Maybe it's love?" She jested.
"Love? In a burger? That has to be like, a serious food safety hazard or something…"
Gretchen bursted out laughing, bringing attention from nearby customers, including Gaz who rolled her eyes muttering with herself "They really are a match made in weirdness…"
"Are you saying we shouldn't date because of health risks?" Gretchen teased.
The Membrane boy flushed "No! I mean... it's just that I don't want my heart to have a cholesterol problem from too much... love!"
Gretchen laughed, and Dib finally relaxed a bit. He leans in closer, trying to make a serious move. "So, what's your favorite thing to do when you're not, you know, outside of Skool stuffs?"
"Hmm, I'd say debating the merits of fictional alien invasions! Or... baking cookies."
Dib got excited by that revelation "Alien invasions! You too? I thought I was the only one!"
Suddenly, Mabel leans in from the adjacent booth, eager to join the conversation. That's a lie, to get away from the mess Stanley is in and focus on a couple that may not end in bloodbath "Are you talking about aliens?! I love aliens!"
Dib and Gretchen looked slightly startled.
"Uh, yeah?" The Membrane boy raised an eyebrow.
"We uh…we were just discussing generally."
"Yeah." the Big headed boy nodded,
The Pines girl bounces in her seat, eyes sparkling just like the diner's neon lights. "Right? And then there's Zim, who's always plotting but never succeeds!"
As they share a laugh, Miss Bitters suddenly leans in from nearby, her sharp gaze fixing on the trio.
"Ah, the youthful optimism of the uneducated. How... disgustingly charming."
Dib and Gretchen yelped in surprise of seeing Miss Bitters right behind Dib hissing, they could swore she was not there a second ago, both share a terrified glance, while Mabel squeaks, quickly hiding behind a menu. Snarl Beast woke up and then quickly its hair hackled and she snarled like a scared cat at Miss Bitters who ignored the blue cat.
Thankfully for them and thankfully for the Pines, Miss Bitters ignored them and went to her date with Stan.
Dib muttering, intimidated "Can we get back to the aliens...?"
Gretchen whispered "I think the aliens are less scary than her!"
Just then, lady Suzan approaches their table, oblivious to the tension. "What can I get you lovebirds?"
"Uh, just two burgers and a milkshake, please." Dib ordered.
"And a side of fries!" Gretchen added.
"Aww! What an adorable little fella!" Suzan cooed seeing the Snarl Beast and then nuzzled it which purred while Dib winced being thankful that his 'pet' did not bite the old lady's hand off.
"I'm gonna bring you milk the type my own cats love!" Lady Suzan then walks away, Dib leans closer to Gretchen again, a mix of excitement and nerves.
The Membrane boy enthusiastically asked "So, back to aliens? What do you think would happen if they actually invaded?"
Gretchen smiles, both of them animated and losing track of their surroundings as the diner buzzes with life around them.
On another table, Robbie sits across from Tambry, looking desperate. He's fidgeting with his hands, trying to find the right words.
"Come on, Tambry. I know we've had our ups and downs, but we could totally make this work again. I've changed, I swear!" The Emo pleaded.
Tambry rolls her eyes, locking arms with her friends beside her, trying to emphasize her point.
"Changed? Really, Robbie? You're still the same insecure, selfish edgelord I dated. And let's not forget, you're still threatened by a 13-year-old!" The Goth scoffed.
"Dipper's not just some kid! He's... he's a nerdy rival!" The Valentino boy tried to justify, but failed.
Tambry raised an eyebrow "Threatened for being a nerd? You seriously need to get a grip. He's a kid who just wants to have fun."
Robbie looks flustered, trying to counter her point but falters.
"Seriously, you should find someone your own age who appreciates your... 'mature' vibes." Tambry leaned back and smirked.
Robbie looks defeated, realizing he's not winning this battle.
"Why does it always come back to him, though?" The Emoresigned.
"Because you keep making it about him. Focus on yourself for once. Then I may consider being your girlfriend again."
She smirked playfully before taking a sip of her drink, leaving Robbie in awkward silence.
One hour and a half later…
Gretchen and Dib stand outside the diner, the sun setting behind them. They've just finished their date, and there's a nervous, charged energy in the air.
"I had a really great time today, Dib." Gretchen shyly said.
Dib, still a bit flustered, fidgets with his glasses, trying to find the right words. "Y-Yeah, me too! You're really... fun to hang out with!"
Before Dib can say more, Gretchen leans in and kisses him gently on the cheek, her face turning a bright shade of red.
"Bye, Dib!"
With that, she turns and runs off, her laughter trailing behind her as she disappears into the distance. Dib stands frozen, his face beet red and his jaw dropped.
Meow
The Snarl Beast which was near him meowed.
That was when Dipper and Wendy came nearby, both wearing matching smirks.
"Wow, look at you, Dib!" Dipper snickered.
Wendy playfully elbowed Dipper "That's some smooth moves you got there, buddy!"
Dib snaps out of his daze, rubbing the spot where Gretchen kissed him. "I-I didn't expect that…"
Just then, Stan and Mabel return, both looking a bit haunted, as if they've just witnessed something traumatic.
Stanley panted "What happened? Did we miss something?"
"Yeah! We heard there was drama!" Mabel inquired.
Dib's face is still flushed as he opens his mouth to explain, but before he can, Gaz strolls over, sipping her drink.
The purple girl nodded toward Stan and Mabel "You didn't miss much, other than Stanley finally breaking up with Miss Bitters. And guess what? She took it gracefully… like a demonic hag that she is."
Dipper and Wendy exchange wide-eyed looks with Dib. Mabel's face goes from excited to haunted.
The conman Pines shook his head and groaned "You don't wanna know. Just be thankful we got out of there before she... made us her next victims."
Dib, trying to shake off the awkwardness of the moment, glances around, but his attention is suddenly drawn to the diner's entrance where Miss Bitters stands. She watches, her eyes narrowing as she spots Stanford, who's now approaching the group.
Miss Bitters' expression shifts into a predatory grin as she lingers in the shadows of the diner's doorway, her gaze locked on Stanford. "Well, well, what do we have here?"
Stanford feels an odd chill down his spine, glancing around as if sensing someone is watching him. "That's... unsettling."
Miss Bitters watches from the shadows, wearing the fanged grin of a hyena looking at her new prey.
The group stared dumbfounded.
"You gotta be kidding me…" Stanley hissed in frustration.