"I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I've been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night

And now I only see daylight"

– Daylight, T.S.

Daryl

We circle around the hood of Rick's truck– finally deciding what to do about Sophia. I get that Carl was hurt and priorities shifted, but we haven't been efficient about our use of resources. I could've been out looking for her, and probably would've, if I didn't have a curly haired member of the group to also worry about. Guilt spears through my gut, stoking the flames of doubt that I made the wrong choice with my time.

Maggie unfurls a survey map of the area, and my eyes easily note the roving diagrams of topography.

"How long has this girl been missing?" Herschel questions.

"Today will make three days," Rick replies. "Finally, we can get searching."

"Not you– you gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking minutes in this heat before passing out," Herschel corrects.

"I gave less, so I can go… right?" Mila asks, initially sure of herself but losing confidence as she absorbs his expression.

"No, not you either. You're still operating at a deficit and are more likely to become a patient yourself than to do any good."

She frowns before looking to me, as if I'd be able to answer any differently. I don't make the calls around here. Herschel has already moved on to advising Shane, giving me a good opportunity to drop my attention to checking over my bow.

"And your ankle– push on it and you'll be laid up a month. No good to anybody."

Shane's been trying to get me to give up on the search pretty much since I started, so I'm sure he's not disappointed to be barred from joining today. Truthfully, neither am I. I'm not sure I'd be able to keep from grilling him about what happened at the school and tearing him a new one for leaving Mila to fend for herself. Even just the thought has me tightly clenching my jaw as I inspect my bowstring.

"Guess it's just me," I offer. It'll be faster anyway with no one to slow me down– or distract me. "I'm gonna head back to the creek, work my way from there."

Mila's eyes burn a hole in the side of my cheek, but I keep mine carefully trained on the map. I need to keep more distance between us so I don't get carried away with what I think we are. Plus, my disappointment that she won't be coming might be too visible if I look at her directly.

"I can still be useful," Shane speaks up, "drive back to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back. But… our people need more than their knives. Might be time for the gun training we promised 'em."

"I'd prefer you not carrying guns on my property. We've managed so far without turning this into an armed camp." Herschel's tone conveys more of a command than a preference.

"Look, we're your guests here. This is your property, so we will respect that." Rick makes a show of putting his own gun on the car, forcing Shane to reluctantly follow his lead. "First things first– set camp, find Sophia."

Anxiety gnaws at me as I pick at my thumb. I don't like this. So our people are going to be left defenseless while I'm gone? Without meaning to, I automatically glance at Mila to find her clouded eyes already waiting for me, tight with worry.

"No one's gonna ask but someone has to. What happens if we find her and she's bit? I think we should all be clear on how we handle that."

Shane's statement causes an unease to settle over the group, choking the small spark of hope we're tending to with a mouthful of ash. Everyone thinks I can be heartless and blunt about how to handle adults when they get bit, but I would never say any of that shit about a kid. We hadn't even found her yet and we're planning for the worst case scenario?

"You do what has to be done," Rick concludes.

Mila hisses and turns away, stalking to the nearby grassy paddock to sullenly watch the horses. They calmly amble and graze, unaware of the weight of the conversation we're having. My feet follow her without reason, until our shoulders are lined up and almost brushing. I shift my weight from leg to leg, suddenly unsure of what to say or why I came over at all.

"Ya like horses?"

Well, that's something, I guess. The shame permanently nailed to my back hangs heavier with the addition of another failed social interaction. My shoulders sag under the weight. This feeling is exactly why it's always made more sense to keep to myself.

"They're pretty, but they kinda scare me. I spook them and then they spook me, but I want to be friends." She raises a gentle hand to a chestnut velvet nose, giggling as it tries to nip at her fingers. "I think it's their size that intimidates me."

"Guessin' ya don't ride then?" I attentively watch the way her eyes light up while she interacts with them, the same way they do when she plays with Raven.

"No, never," she turns to look at me, still warmly smiling in a way that makes me forget all about the idea of creating space between us. "Do you?"

"Here and there, had a few odd jobs where I needed to. Merle and I worked on a ranch once." Conveniently leaving out that there was growing and smuggling involved in between horseback riding. "I'll sneak one of these out today, so I can cover more ground."

Mila lays her hand over my forearm in excitement, practically vibrating. Her touch marks me like a pleasurable weight on my back eases, just a little.

"I'm so jealous! Ugh, I always wanted to after I saw The Princess Bride. It looks so old-timey and magical. Have you seen the movie?"

I give her a long look before shaking my head and swiping at my nose.

"Nah, sounds like a chick flick." She rolls her eyes playfully as I bite the inside of my cheek, seeing an opportunity. "I could show ya sometime… if ya want."

Anxiety bites at my heels as I hold my breath for her answer. Thankfully, she doesn't keep me waiting long.

"I'd love that. I'll be terrified but it'll be worth it."

We stare at each other, probably for a beat too long, before I kick at the dirt and look off into the distance at the golden sun. It climbs higher into the sky, quickly approaching noon.

"Alright, I better get goin'. Hey, stay aware– I don't like that no one has any guns. Keep my knife on ya."

I expect her to tease me about my protectiveness, but she doesn't– just looks at me earnestly and taps at her belt to make sure her weapon is still there.

"Never without it. Will you please be careful out there? I don't like the idea of you going alone," she complains, as I hop the paddocked barrier and make my way over to the horse she'd been petting. "Plus, now I know I have horseback riding lessons coming my way, so I need you back in one piece."

I glance over my shoulder to give her a brief salute, walking backwards as I squint at her.

"As you wish."

It feels corny the second it leaves my mouth and I immediately kick myself as I imagine Merle's ghost giving me shit, but that is all wiped away when a wide, bright smile takes over her whole face– ear to ear.

"You have seen it!" Her laugh rings out, loud and clear, straight to my greedy ears. "Chick flick my ass, Daryl Dixon!"

The delighted surprise in her voice forces my own grin to form, thankfully hidden from her view as I turn back around, and leaves me with the closest feeling to euphoria I've ever known.

—-

Mila

Watching Daryl saddle up a horse both turns me on and melts my heart on a level that feels impossible to hide. The Georgia heat is just starting to kick off, but that's not why I'm sweating and flushed. I want to stop watching and spare some of my pride, but I can't force my eyes to look away and waste a single second of this scene. Knowing he's seen my favorite movie conjures daydreams of what it would be like to cuddle up and watch it with him, so basically, I'm fighting for my life to look remotely normal.

"Admiring the view?"

Glenn's voice cuts through my daydream, cheeky and loud in what it's insinuating. I throw him an unamused look, mildly annoyed to have been brought so abruptly back to earth.

"I just like horses."

"Oh yeah, I bet," he gives me a sly smile. "You seem to reaaaaally like horses."

Hopefully, Daryl is far enough away to not hear any of this interaction. Still, I'm not going to miss the opportunity to give Glenn a little shit back.

"Yeah, well I heard Maggie really likes dogs. You seen Raven around today?" I counter, a devilish glint in my eye. Glenn blushes, wide eyed, and looks around for eavesdroppers.

"Oh shit, you think anybody else noticed?"

"Nah, I think you're okay. Better keep it that way too, if you want Herschel to keep us around," I warn goodnaturedly. I know better than anyone that the heart wants what it wants.

As if hearing my mental call for her, Raven runs out of the woods and comes bounding across the farm. I stoop down, arms wide open and she eagerly runs into them with a wagging tail. Glenn bends down as well, our hands enthusiastically mussing her fur.

"And where have you been?" I ask her, as she happily soaks up our attention.

Daryl finishes tacking up the horse and gives me a lingering glance as he leads his horse to the gate, sparking an idea. He doesn't have to go alone.

"Raven, go with Daryl!" I point to Daryl, as she cocks her head at me. "Daryl, the grumpy guy– go with him!" I try again. This time, she seems to understand and takes off in a trot to catch up to him. My dog is a genius. He turns to look at me, an eyebrow arched.

"Now you have a friend!" I shout.

He gives me a look but otherwise says nothing, making me giggle– until Glenn's expression makes me abruptly stop.

"Let me guess… she really likes horses too?"

"Alright, that's enough out of you– unless you want your crush on Maggie to be the latest gossip around the farm."

"Glenn!" Maggie calls from the barn, lightly jogging over until she's in front of us. "Hi, Mila."

"Hi, Maggie," I smile, catching Glenn's eye in a subtle but knowing way. He gives me a warning glare while she's not looking.

"I'm glad I found ya'll, I need your help. There's a walker in the drinkin' well."

"Yuck." My face contorts in disgust. "Glad I didn't drink any water."

"Technically, it's the water for the animals but it's one of our backup wells. We may need it one day, otherwise I'd say we should just seal it up."

"We'll figure something out," Glenn assures Maggie with an intense look on his face. I smirk in amusement until I wonder if that's how I look at Daryl when I talk to him. Shit.

Less than an hour later, we're trying to use food as bait to somehow hook a rope around the walker. As bad luck would have it, this member of the undead was much larger than most.

"This isn't working," Shane groans. "We need a new plan."

"I'll go down there," Glenn's expression is grim, displaying he knows this is an awful idea. His eyes flick to Maggie and then reignite with determination.

"Glenn, no!" I protest, smacking his arm. "Talk about a dumb way to die."

"Do you have a better idea?"

I bite my lip, eyes darting to try and think of anything else. My brain comes up empty.

"No," I admit, dropping my head. "Are we sure we need this well and can't just leave it?"

Maggie grimaces and wraps her arms around herself, taking another look down at the walker.

"It's risky… and if we leave it, the well will probably be contaminated for good. Glenn, you don't have to do this." She places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, which he stares at before straightening his shoulders.

"I'm doing it."

Ten minutes later, Glenn has a rope securely tied around his waist and we're collectively lowering him down. As he descends, the walker's growls become more frenzied, mirroring my heart rate.

"Ah! Pull me up! Pull me up!" Glenn's screams echo off the stone, amplifying up to us and sending us all into a fumbling panic.

My muscles scream as I yank on the rope, palms burning from the friction. My heels dig into the soft earth, trying to keep my body from sliding forward under the weight. Glenn finally makes contact with the stone ledge and hauls himself out. He pants on all fours with his forehead pressed into the dirt. Maggie runs to put a hand on his back, and part of me wishes Daryl was here to witness this so we could talk about it later.

"Guess we need to figure out a new plan," Shane huffs dejectedly.

"Guess not." Glenn triumphantly hands over his end of the line to Shane. We race to look over the well and find the other half securely tied around the walker's waist. "Ah!" Glenn hisses as he tries to stand and stumbles, Maggie's arm supporting his body.

"What's wrong?" I ask worriedly, scanning his body for bites.

"No, I'm okay– I just hit my knee coming up harder than I thought." He moves to sit in the grass and leans back on his elbows. "Guess the rest is up to you guys."

We move into formation, similar to playing a game of tug of war– except our opponent is a single Mary Shelley-esque monster who wants to consume our flesh. On Shane's count, we pull and try to haul its large body out, promptly falling like a line of dominoes from an unexpected drop of weight. Peering down, I suppress the urge to gag as I see the braided cord has split its torso clean in half, rotten guts now swirling nauseatingly in the water as the top half still continues to groan.

"So much for not ruining the well."

—-

An hour later, the well is sealed up for good, meaning Glenn's injury was for a wasted effort.

"Hey Mila, I was supposed to go on a supply run to the pharmacy with Maggie but now I'm thinking I can't go." Glenn is visibly glum at this revelation and I stifle a laugh. His leg is propped up on a chair, the compression bandage I placed wrapped around his knee. Herschel's professional assessment was a bad bruise and possible sprain, putting him out of commission for a while.

"Yeah, probably not," I agree with a snort. "Missing out on your big moment though. Who knows what could've happened?"

Glenn looks at me, horrified, before putting his head in his hands.

"I know! This was my chance."

Despite how entertaining I find all of this, I take pity on the poor sucker. Unfortunately, I understand what it's like to hopelessly yearn for someone all too well.

"Nah, if a girl really likes you, she'll make another moment," I reassure. "Maybe if I go, she can step in and be the one to take care of you."

"You'd really do that for me?"

"It's the least I can do after you let yourself be lowered down into that well. That was a damn stupid move. Don't get yourself killed over a crush."

"Hey, it worked! Well… sorta. My part of it worked."

"Yeah, yeah. I think the whole plan sucked from the beginning, but still, you did your part. Let me go find Lori for the list."

"Wait! Maggie was going to go with me to show me where it was. Apparently you need to go by horseback, so it must be a bit of a ways away."

I ponder this roadbump, running through a scenario where I can make this work. I shouldn't go alone, but I'd much rather prefer that over going anywhere with Shane again. Rick is out, so is Lori. Andrea won't be much help, nor would Carol. Herschel is too old, Maggie's sisters are too young. Before I can run any further down my list, a familiar form on horseback breaches the horizon with Raven loyally trailing behind.

"I have an idea," I tell Glenn before hopping up and running to the barn. A muscular back briefly distracts me before I remember my mission.

"Wait, farm boy!"

Daryl's shoulders tense as he slowly turns around, an ambivalent question on his face.

"Hate that," he deadpans.

"Nah, you love it," I tease, smiling. He may pretend, but his eyes glitter with amusement as well– underneath the surly demeanor. "Are you too tired to go back out one more time today? I offered to take Glenn's place on a pharmacy run but apparently I need to ride a horse to get there…"

"Which ya don't know how to do."

"Right. And Maggie was going to go with him but Glenn got mildly injured being bait for the group, so the least I can do is try to set up a situation where Maggie has to stay here to tend to him."

Daryl is nodding before my sentence is even finished, already beginning to replace the saddle and bit he had just removed.

"Alright, where're we goin'?"

After some mild convincing that Daryl would be able to find the pharmacy, Maggie hands us a map with a circle drawn around the general area. Daryl folds it up, carefully sliding it in his back pocket, and heads back to the barn. Halfway there, Lori intercepts us with a strange, terse expression on her face.

"Daryl, you mind if I speak to Mila alone real quick?"

Daryl doesn't reply, but leaves us to it while I turn to Lori with a quirked brow. Intrigue rises within me, due to having zero idea what this could possibly be about. For whatever reason, Lori and I haven't interacted much since the very first day I showed up.

"You're goin' on the supply run for Glenn and Maggie, right?" she asks, voice quiet even though no one else is around but us. I nod. "And as a nurse, you believe in everyone's right to privacy?" This is getting kind of strange, but I nod again. "I have our regular list," she hands me a scrap of paper, "and then some things I would like to live outside of this list." She hands me another scrap, but this one is folded over multiple times. I carefully unfold it, eyes widening at the words scrawled daintily in the center, before forcing a controlled expression on my face.

"Understood," I affirm earnestly. "This stays with me."

Lori gives me a tight smile, partially relieved as if she only half believes me, but heads back to the main house. Shit… Lori might be pregnant? And if she is, then it must be Shane's.

My head is swimming as I walk back over to Daryl, who is idly waiting for me and smoking a cigarette. He snubs it out when he sees me coming and kneels down with his fingers threaded to help boost me up, an expectant look on his face. I stand stiffly, blinking between him and the horse.

"You're gonna have to get on if ya ever wanna ride."

Normally, my brain would take his gravelly statement and run with some R-rated fantasies, but my nerves and overwhelm at Lori's predicament prevent even that from happening.

"Maybe this is a bad idea."

"You'll be fine. We're ridin' the same horse, and I know what I'm doin'. All ya gotta do is sit."

The horse whinnies quietly while I eye it warily.

"Is she okay with that?"

Daryl rolls his eyes and huffs.

"Just get on the damn thing."

Inhaling a deep breath, I brace a hand on his shoulder and place my boot in his interlocked hands. He easily thrusts my body upwards as I intuitively throw a leg over the saddle. To her credit, the horse doesn't stir. My stomach flutters with nerves over being up here alone.

I carefully scoot back to make space while Daryl hooks a foot through the stirrup and hoists himself over. When he clicks his heels and she starts walking, my arms reflexively squeeze his waist tighter. The earthy, woody scent of his body instantly soothes me and draws my focus away from my fear. Feeling brave, I sneak a peek around Daryl's back and spot Maggie bringing Glenn a canteen of water with a plate of snacks.

"I'm such a good friend," I muse with a hum, feeling Daryl shake as a small chuckle leaves him.

"Yeah, real humble too."

Daryl easily follows Maggie's instructions into town while I try not to become too preoccupied with the slow amble of the horse making our bodies intermittently collide. This position should be familiar from our frequent motorcycle rides, but the slow, lithe movements make this different. Now, I can freely watch his arms ripple as he maneuvers the reins and drool over the sharp contour of his jaw. How can he possibly keep surprising me with his hidden talents? Why is he good at everything?

We dismount in front of the pharmacy and tie up the rein to a nearby pole. I grip my knife, preparing for whatever we may find inside, but wait for Daryl to take the lead on clearing the building. I'm the nurse brain with the list, while he's the brawn who will keep me from being an appetizer. He makes the decisions and I grab the stuff.

"Stay behind me, don't make any noise. You cover the right, I'll cover the left. Let me know if you see anything. I can shoot further than you can stab."

I determinedly nod, trying to commit all of his instructions to memory but desperately wishing I had a written instruction manual to study. Daryl readies his bow and climbs through an open window, reaching a hand out to help me to navigate through to follow. He stalks forward, listening intently before rounding the corner and sweeping the small store. I dutifully check the right side, but thankfully see nothing except for picked through aisles and scattered supplies.

"Clear."

"Yeah, clear over here too," I reply warily, not fully trusting our assessment. Just because it's empty now doesn't mean something won't wander in after us. Safe never truly means safe anymore. "Why don't you get more bandages and stuff while I search for medications?"

He grunts in confirmation and moves to the other end of the store, giving me space to hunt for Lori's items. Hopping the counter, I jump behind the pharmaceutical bay to sift through whatever prescriptions remain. It's sparse but I do manage to find a few more bottles of antibiotics, as well as Lori's medicine, and stuff them into my backpack. I've also managed to uncover two epi-pens and some hidden sedatives. Who knows when this will all come in handy? May as well grab it all.

Heading back to the aisles, I find the family planning section and scan the shelves for relevant products. I grab tampons and pads by the handful to push to the bottom of my bag, scoring a few menstrual discs. Still having a period during the apocalypse adds insult to injury on the bad days. Maybe focusing on sustainable solutions will make it less of a pain in the ass.

While zipping up my bursting pack, my elbow knocks into a line of paper boxes, knocking them to the floor. My hand grips the smooth black box and flips it over to find a familiar logo. Condoms. These might be a good idea if we want to avoid any more accidents. Ripping open as many boxes as I can, I pack the foil wrappers into every space they'll fit and shove the rest into my jean pockets. You're welcome, Glenn, I grumble to myself. I swipe a final packet of Plan B for the "just in case" times before hoisting the heavy straps over my shoulders. This will have to do. My backpack cannot physically fit any more without bursting at the seams.

I find Daryl at the front of the store, his own duffle filled to the brim with gauze, saline, bandages, and whatever non-perishables he could find. I drop my bag to the ground, giving myself a second to rest without it before I have to wear it the whole way back. Walking would be miserable with this much stuff, so I'll need to find something to give the horse as a thank you for carrying everything. Do horses actually eat sugar cubes?

"You find everything?" Daryl is still perusing shelves, but in an aimless way that tells me he's mostly done.

"I sure hope so. Thankfully, they had a fair amount of prescription medications left."

As I reply, I lean back over to scoop my backpack– causing a long, foil strip to fall out of my pocket and land to the linoleum with a slap. We both stare silently at the condoms before I scramble to pick them up, begging for a sinkhole to open up below my feet and take me with it. Being a medical professional, safe sex and its accessories doesn't bother me– but hoarding contraceptives and dropping them in front of the one person I'd maybe want to use them with is my idea of a personal nightmare.

"These aren't for me…" I trail off, focusing on anything else in the store other than Daryl's face. "Just trying to wingman Glenn."

This would seem much more believable if I weren't nervously stuttering and fidgeting. The irony is that I'm not lying– I just also have a secret, hidden agenda that I never want him to find out about. Daryl doesn't answer and I look up to find a guarded expression on his face, eyes trained on mine. One day, maybe I'll be able to tell what he's thinking when he looks at me like that.

"You ready to go?" I ask, begging the silence to be filled by anything– even if it means a walker bursting through the door and feasting on my neck.

I don't wait for an answer and vault myself through the window we entered from. Broken glass crunches as Daryl follows, but otherwise I'm laser focused on my task of making it back to the horse. He kneels down again to give me a boost, and I quickly take it before settling in the saddle. The crinkle in my pockets serves as a painful reminder of what could be the most embarrassing moment I've ever had in a post-apocalyptic world.

He climbs up, putting plenty of space between us, which only serves to further deepen my humiliation as we wordlessly trek back to the farm.

Posting a new chapter because I got a new, super nice review! Thank you for reading! :)