Chapter 18: Jaune Wick; Si Vis Groceries, Para Bellum
Part 2: March Hare
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(((Narrator)))
As soon as the steel gates is lifted open, 500 contestants rush into the large pentagon-shaped shopping mall.
The goal is rather simple, grab whatever you can along the way and rush to the cashier at the middle of the mall and escape through the manhole just behind the cashier.
The mall provides all sorts of rare items, but only in the quantity of five per item. Still, if the 500 participants coordinate, they could walk away with all the items they can carry and rake in profits when they sell it back into the market at regular value.
However, humanity are not ants which is communist by nature.
Arrghhhhh!!!
My balls!! My balls!!!
Please tell my wife I loved her bro.
Wait, you loved her bro?
No you idiot… *dead*
Hey, a 1000 years old ginseng!! Neat sndksoosso! Wiaikansjs!
That ginseng is mine! Die puppy! Die!
Jaune ducked under the another gunshot as he crawled his way to the fresh food aisle. Screw getting those tea and herbs! He'll just get the goddamn livers and leave this infernal place!
After a minute of crawling, Jaune had arrived to the meat section of the fresh food aisle. He doesn't know if the blood and gore on the floor comes from the spilled raw food items or if it's from the dozens of the dying people clinging to life on the floor.
Ignore them Jaune. Ignore them. If you want to vomit then do it later!
"Iyarrhhh!!"
A random madman just rush toward him with a mace in hand. He looks he's in panic mode and just swinging his mace to everyone in vicinity.
"Whoa!"
Jaune ducked under the mace and his trained reflex kicked in. Like a breakdancer, he swing his legs on the floor like a helicopter fan and sweeped the maddened man's legs, tumbling him over. With a stomp on his chest, Jaune sent him flying passed the aisle rack.
Holy shit! I can't believe I just pulled it off!!
Soren had insisted that there will be no static tanker Jaune in this fanfic, whatever that means. This fanfic Jaune will be agile and acrobatic like the rabbit themed hero he is meant to be! He said.
He was then got foisted over to Velvet again. So much for a mentor character.
He stood up and rush over the meat counter, hoping that there's still some livers left. At this point Soren will have to settle with whatever he can grab because he doesn't think he can walk away safely while carrying items that is too expensive to be passed over.
Just his luck however, he found three unit of Iron Bear livers. He swooped it into his bag and rush over to the counter.
However, a group of burly Faunus blocked his way.
"Give us what you got, puny human!", the Bear Faunus demands him.
Think Jaune, what will Soren do?
Well, Soren would just immediately shoot them in the dick without warning at all, which is exactly what Jaune did.
"Dude! You shot me in the dick!"
"I'm sorry! It was on reflex!", yell out Jaune as he ran to the center of the Pentagon.
Because Jaune may feel too squishy about taking life, Soren had made him practice non-lethal shots, which is for some reason is the dick shot.
Aura defense is common once you get into Yellow Zone settlements. Even a loser nerdy cuck like Mr Zane knows it. Now, if you know how to properly hone Aura on the edge of your blade you can slice it through, but that's advanced stuff. So for now just shoot everyone in the dick. It may not pierce through but it sure as hell will bust their nuts.
Also, remember to put extra Aura to your dick when you fight. You never know if there's another asshole as dishonorable as me.
Well whatever it is, it worked! Jaune breathe in relief as he see the cashier in sight. However as he was about reached it, someone yanked him by the collar and throw him back.
"Jaune! Nice to see you!"
"Russel…"
Russel Thrush had blocked Jaune's way to safety at the last minute. Solely for his own amusement.
"Don't tell me you're leaving already, Jaune! We're just starting to have fun! They open this market only three times a year!"
"Russel, I just want to get out, okay. I wasn't supposed to be here!"
"That's what everyone said. That's what I said. But now? Now I call this a festive gathering!"
[Sword Aura]
Russel draws out his dual daggers, and he flares his Sword Aura. His Sword Aura manifest in the form of mint colored wind.
[Dickshot]
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( -_-) (_ )
"Dude. Not cool."
Russel, completely unfazed by Jaune's Dickshot as a true warrior always protect their balls with immense aura, lunged toward Jaune with a flurry of slashes.
Jaune then used the Scarlatina Family secret technique, [March Hare].
Jaune, Ruby isn't the only one that has a fancy fast movement technique.
March Hare technique is rather simple, all he needs to is flooding his foot with Aura and burst it out at the moment he push off the ground.
A simple technique, but one that is rather explosive in result.
Jaune leapt so high that he crashed face first to the ceiling, which is 2 floors high. His training kicked in, keep moving or die, and so he rolled over the ceiling, hastily plant his foot and leapt off the ceiling with the explosive force March Hare.
"Hahaha! Fancy trick you got there Jauney Boi!"
Russel laughed his ass off as he pursued Jaune, who is ping-ponging across the mall by leaping from floor to ceiling to floor to ceiling over and over again.
Jaune legs screams as the bones of his limbs rattles from the impacts of using March Hare. He decides to cut it loose and leapt over a mass brawl over the Pet Store section of the mall.
"What the?!!"
[Dickshot]
"Arghhh!!! My dick!! My dick!!!"
"Sorry!!!"
Jaune fled as he left the poor bastard that didn't put Aura on his dick and protect his balls. He is now a eunuch. Well, at least he has an excuse to get a homunculus transplant to replace his dick now. Silver linings! He thought.
"Come here! Jauney! Let's play!"
Russel had leapt over the aisles and hot on his pursuit.
When it doubt, just throw random bullshit to your enemy.
Following yet another Soren's wisdom, Jaune grabbed a bunch of cages and throw it over to Russel.
"whoa!!"
A bunch of winged snakes escaped their cages, and they start to pursue Russel over.
Think Jaune, think!
He then saw a buffalo on display. Its is a Mistrali Cloud Buffalo. It looks round with its puffy wool and has a huge arching set of horns.
Here goes nothing.
Jaune leap over the buffalo and landed on its back. It felt like he is riding cloud, he thought, and then he urged it to move.
However, the buffalo refuse to move. Russel on the other hand has killed the winged snakes that after him, and now hot on his pursuit again.
Deciding he has to rodeo or die, Jaune took out his gun and shoot it near the buffalo ear.
MOOOHHHHH!
Startled over the loud noise of gunshot, the buffalo stampede over the brawling crowds, sending them flying like bowling pins got strike. Jaune held on the buffalo with his dear life, unconscious that he is channeling his Aura into the buffalo.
The buffalo eyes dilated as the its Aura made contact with Jaune's, and a bond is formed between them. Unbeknownst to Jaune, he had made a familiar contract with the Mistrali Cloud Buffalo and the Cloud Buffalo had accepted.
MOOOHHHHHH
Sensing it's master's distress, the buffalo surge its newly awakened power, bolstered by his connection to Jaune. Tempest swirls around the buffalo as it awakens its latent power.
[Tempest Stampede]
With the speed of a typhoon gale, the buffalo barreled through the aisles. Wind buffeted across the mall, sending everyone and the products smashed to the floor.
"THIS IS AWESOME!!!"
Russel yells as he crash into the wall headfirst and fall unconscious. The buffalo keep ramming and goring the threats in front of it, until eventually the mall is left to ruins. Satisfied that there is no more threat left of its master, as well as having its Dust Reserve ran out, the buffalo stops and snorted. It munch over the spilled pile of Branwen Mountain Herbal Tea on the floor.
"Sweet!", Jaune fist-pumped the air and swoop over a box of tea and a box of ginseng. Then, he ride the buffalo to the counter.
The cashier who looks like any generic cashier from Walmart looked up at the items that Jaune brought over with his lifeless eyes. "That will be 10 CC sir."
Shit, I forgot that I wasn't buying this buffalo. Oh well.
Jaune tossed over 10 coins to the cashier and he rode the buffalo into the sewer. He raced toward the nearest exit and found himself to be at the center of another gang wars.
"Look at that! He got a Mistrali Cloud Buffalo!"
"Get him!"
Jaune took down five of them with Dickshots, but he had now ran out if ammo. He kicked the side of the buffalo, and the buffalo stampede over the gangs. Jaune then draw out Vorpal Blade and charged up his mana to use one of its Skill Gems.
[Gale Strike]
Jaune pushed out the gangs in front of him with several Gale strikes, and soon enough he broke free. Jaune breathe a sigh of relief, but it was too soon to be relieved, Jaune.
The chaos is hardly at the end yet.
Siren blares from behind him as he hears a car speeds toward him.
"Oh what now!!"
A police officer the put on a mike and command him.
"You are illegally riding a Rank 2 familiar into the city! Pull over or we will pursue with prejudice!"
Jaune tries to stop the buffalo, but instead the buffalo speeds up as it runs away from the police.
"Wait!!! Stop!! Bad cow bad!"
Author's note: Buffalo is not a cow.
Insulted over being called as the inferior species that is cowlings, the buffalo refused to listen to Jaune's command.
9-12, we have a pursuit over an illegal rider, over.*
*3-4, what is the ride? Over*
*It's a buffalo, over.*
*A buffalo?*
*A fluffy buffalo*
*Mayday! Mayday! We have a fluffy buffalo rider on the loose! Dispatch 3-5, 3-6 and 3-10 to support the pursuit! Over!*
"Its supposed to be a simple groceries run! Why is it keep getting escalated?!!"
Jaune can only yell in frustration as four police cars are now in hot pursuit over him and the buffalo he's riding, which is now running at the 160 km/h, and it doesn't even look fazed as if it can run even faster.
Si vis groceries, para bellum Jaune. If you want groceries, prepare for war.
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(((A/N)))
Jaune has survived the Walmart Battle Royale with startling achievement for his debut and get himself a wind buffalo as a pokemon.
Now, he has to learn that in order to be fast, he needs to be furious, and on the meantime, learn some family values.