Chapter 23- Tears and Fears and Feeling Proud
Kakashi's mind lingered on the enigma of Shanan's memory loss. Amnesia was a phenomenon he'd heard of, but never encountered firsthand. His limited knowledge suggested it was often temporary, with memories gradually resurfacing over time. Yet, two months had passed since he'd found her, and she still couldn't recall anything from her past, except for fleeting glimpses of darkness and tears.
Those fragments, however, seemed to be shrouded in a deep-seated pain, as evidenced by her reluctance to elaborate whenever the topic arose. He had only broached the subject once, but Dr. Yamada and the nurses frequently inquired about updates, leaving him to pick up the pieces and shift the mood. Despite her radiant demeanor, which she wore like a beacon, the darkness within her seemed to be the most stubborn shadow to dispel.
Kakashi settled into a quiet corner of the library, surrounded by stacks of dusty tomes. He simultaneously pored over three books on memory loss, amnesia, and suppressed memories, his eyes darting between the pages with an intensity that bordered on obsession. The research all seemed to point to one conclusion: trauma-induced memory loss.
His expression turned thoughtful as he considered this. It made sense, given what he knew of her past. But his mind began to wander, and he found himself pondering a different question altogether.
Why had he never suffered from memory loss? Why had his own traumatic experiences never triggered the suppression of painful memories? The images that haunted his dreams, the faces that lingered in his mind – all were etched in vivid detail, refusing to be erased. A pang of envy struck him, and he felt a twinge of surprise.
Of all the things in the world to covet, he envied Shanan's ability to forget.
Her seven-year void was a mystery, one she never questioned or pursued. She never asked about her parents, her home, or her life before him. His gaze drifted, lost in thought, as he wondered what it would be like to be free from the burdens of his own memories.
Kakashi sat across from Lord Third, his usual composure shattered by the disturbing contents of Shikaku Nara's report. The idea that one of the oldest clans in existence could systematically exploit and manipulate their own younger generations, was a concept he struggled to wrap his mind around.
Their desperate bid to revive their dormant Kekkei Genkai, a legendary ability thought lost to time, had driven them to induce vegetative states in their children, reducing them to mere vessels on life support. Experimentation on the vulnerable, especially those who should be protected and nurtured, was an abomination.
Lord Third's voice broke the silence, his tone low and resolute. "I think we both know what needs to be done here."
Kakashi nodded, his jaw clenched in a mix of anger and determination. "Yeah..."
"I could assign a partner to aid you," Lord Third said, "but I believe this is a matter that requires discretion. Otherwise..."
"It could start an all-out war."
Lord Third's eyes closed, his expression thoughtful, as he nodded in agreement. "A war at this juncture would cripple the Leaf."
Kakashi leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together as he stared at the ground. He nodded, his mind already racing with the implications of the task ahead.
"You'll depart tomorrow," Lord Third said as he stood. "Your mission will likely be... prolonged. We'll arrange for Shanan to return home early, so you can see her off personally."
Kakashi's eyes welled up with tears as he contemplated the impending goodbye. Stepping back into the darkness, away from the light that Shanan represented, was a daunting prospect. Yet, he knew it was a necessary evil. The clan's actions had set this course in motion, and he steeled himself to see it through.
Lord Third's voice cut through his thoughts. "My advice is to begin at the periphery and work your way inward, toward their central location. Beyond that, the strategy and methods are yours to decide."
Kakashi nodded, his heart heavy with the weight of the task ahead.
Five months into his mission, Kakashi lay on the forest floor, a bed of dead leaves his only comfort against the cold, hard earth. The autumn air was crisp and unforgiving, its chill seeping into his bones. Yet, he'd barely mustered the energy to gather a few leaves, let alone start a fire or seek proper shelter.
His mind was elsewhere, consumed by the darkness he'd witnessed, the lives he'd taken.
As he lay there, the only sound that brought him solace was the clicking of the flashlight Shanan had given him. The repetitive sound was hypnotic, calming his racing thoughts and slowing his ragged breathing. When tears threatened to overwhelm him, when the memories of eliminated targets haunted him, when that same pair of eyes settled in his mind, their terrified gaze lingering amidst shifting faces, the flashlight's gentle clicking was his anchor. Reminding him that he did was good. Even if it didn't feel good.
As his mind began to clear, he would set the flashlight aside, his gaze drifting to the tree where the beam shone steady. He'd imagine conversations with Shanan, her words of wisdom and silliness soothing his soul, and though he knew he couldn't replicate her tone or her inflections, the imagined words brought him solace.
Only when his mind had calmed, and the darkness had receded, would he stir, building a fire and laying out his bedroll. He'd clean the blood from his clothes, the stains a grim reminder of his duties. Though he was exceptional at his job, some days it was impossible to avoid the carnage.
The flashlight, now a symbol of Shanan's enduring presence in his life, remained his constant companion. A beacon of hope, a reminder that – even in darkness, some light was better than none.
Kakashi had only been home for a few hours, the weight of his debrief still settling upon him. The intensity of the session had left him drained, but now, as he sat on the edge of his bed, he hoped to find some semblance of peace. His first real shower in seven and a half months had been a small comfort, but the warmth had long since faded, leaving him to confront the memories he'd tried to keep at bay.
As he sat there, the images of the children he'd been unable to save began to resurface. Rows of young faces, each one etched in his mind like a painful scar. The word forget echoed through each memory, a futile mantra he'd repeated to himself in the hopes of finding some measure of solace. But the memories lingered, refusing to be silenced. Time seemed to slip away from him as he sat there, tears flowing unchecked as the darkness closed in around him.
But then, without warning, the sun's rays eventually broke through the darkness, illuminating his face and prompting him to look up. He was met with the unexpected sight of a cold Thursday morning, a fresh blanket of snow covering the ground. The surprise was a brief respite from his sorrow, but it was enough to stir something within him.
Lost in the quiet morning light, his thoughts drifted to Shanan. He recalled her promise to wave at him, a small gesture that had meant the world to him during his long and arduous mission. Though he suspected she might have forgotten by now, something compelled him to visit her.
He dressed slowly, his movements mechanical, as he tried to shake off the lingering fatigue. He reached for the flashlight, slipping it into his pouch with a familiar sense of comfort. As he stood at the door, he hesitated, his hand on the latch. What if she had forgotten her promise? What if she didn't even remember him? Could he convincingly pretend it didn't matter, or would the truth cut through the fragile thread of hope that held him together?
For a moment, he considered not going, preserving the illusion that she hadn't forgotten. It would be easier that way. Yet, something propelled him forward, a force that didn't feel quite like morbid curiosity. It was almost... a glimmer of hope.
He walked through the village, his head down, his eyes fixed on the ground as he navigated the familiar streets. He passed by the shops and homes, his presence drawing little attention from the villagers. As he approached the turn that would take him to Shanan's building, he continued on, his pace steady, until he reached the edge of the forest. There, he turned right, his eyes scanning the buildings until he spotted the one he was looking for. He stopped across the street, positioning himself in a convenient blind spot, and waited.
This spot held a familiar sense of nostalgia for him. He had stood here many times before, mustering the courage to approach Naruto and announce himself as the young boy's new caregiver. Yet, he had never found the resolve to do so, instead asking Shanan to take on the responsibility on his behalf. The memory sparked a pang of curiosity within him – how had she and Naruto gotten along? Had she been able to handle the challenges he had placed upon her?
The door to Shanan's apartment swung open, jolting him from his thoughts. Naruto emerged, swaddled in an absurd number of layers, his movements stiff and awkward as he waddled through the doorway. Kakashi's lips curled into a small, involuntary smile as he watched the young boy struggle to turn around, his eyes fixed on the door as he waited.
The wait seemed interminable, but finally, Shanan appeared, her face radiant with a warm smile. Even from a distance, he could sense the carefree joy that surrounded her, a feeling that was both familiar and foreign to him. As he watched her lock the door, a realization dawned on him – he didn't need her to wave or remember him. Seeing her happy, truly happy, was enough. The weight of his doubts and fears began to lift, replaced by a sense of quiet contentment.
Shanan turned to Naruto, leaning forward to whisper something in his ear. She adjusted his scarf, her fingers gentle, and playfully poked his nose, earning a giggle from the bundled-up boy. Then, she stood tall, her eyes scanning the distance, and Kakashi could have sworn she looked directly at him. A bright, warm smile spread across her face, and she waved, a big, exaggerated wave that seemed to be just for him.
His chest relaxed, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he lifted his heavy hand, managing a gentle wave in return. Shanan scooped up Naruto and carried him off to school, leaving Kakashi to watch them go.
As he stood there, a sense of quiet satisfaction settled over him. For the first time in his life, he felt he'd done something truly right. And in that moment, he dared to hope that when his time eventually came to an end, Minato would forgive him, maybe even thank him, for taking care of the people they both loved.
Kakashi stood silently behind Lord Third, his eyes fixed on the village elders as they engaged in a heated debate. The topic of discussion was the lone survivor of the Uchiha massacre, a young boy whose fate hung precariously in the balance. The elders' voices were laced with a mix of fear and disdain as they expressed their desire to send the boy away, to any village or settlement that would take him. Anywhere, as long as it was far from the Leaf.
The Uchiha name had become synonymous with infamy, and the elders were eager to distance themselves from it. Moreover, they knew that no family in Konoha would dare take in the boy, fearing that Itachi might return to finish what he had started, putting them all in harm's way.
Lord Third's response caught the elders off guard as he vehemently opposed their suggestion. "Despite their shortcomings," he declared, "the Uchiha are partial founders of this village. Nothing we do can erase that association. Sending Sasuke away will not change the fact that the Uchiha blood runs deep in our village's history." He paused, his eyes scanning the room. "I propose that we allow him to live on his own in one of the village's complexes. He may one day prove himself to be an asset to our village. Sending him away, on the other hand, will only serve to create resentment."
Kakashi cleared his throat, "If I may, I think Sasuke would benefit from not only staying in the village, but being placed with a family here."
The elders' faces turned incredulous, one of them scoffing, "Don't be ridiculous, Kakashi. We've already established that not a single family in this village would be willing to take in that child."
Kakashi's expression remained calm, but a hint of conviction crept into his voice as he said, "I know the perfect family to take him in."
Lord Third's brow furrowed in curiosity. "Who did you have in mind, Kakashi?" he asked.
"He can live in the third apartment next to Shanan Takagi and Naruto Uzumaki," Kakashi suggested.
"Well…" Lord Third said. "Young Naruto has been thriving since being placed in her care."
The elders, however, were less than enthused. "The villagers are already scared of the Jinchuriki and the unsettling Takagi girl. You want to add an Uchiha to the mix?"
Kakashi chuckled, a low, dry sound. "The villagers are scared of their own shadows."
A wry smile spread across Lord Third's face. "You're not wrong." He turned to the elders, his expression serious once more. "I agree with Kakashi here. Placing Sasuke with Shanan and Naruto would provide him with a sense of normalcy and help him thrive. And while creating powerful enemies is... a time-honored tradition for our village, I believe this arrangement would foster loyalty in the boy. Loyalty to our village, and to the people who care for him."
The elders' faces still wore a look of displeasure, but they eventually relented, agreeing to the proposal. "Fine," one of them said gruffly. "Place him with the Takagi girl and the Jinchuriki. But we expect you, Kakashi, to keep a close eye on them. Report back to us if anything seems off about any of them."
"Not to worry," Kakashi said. "I'm already on it. Sending him to live with those two will be his best chance at a normal life."
As he spoke, a hint of introspection crept into his thoughts. Sasuke Uchiha was still young, his heart and mind still reeling from the trauma he'd endured. Maybe, just maybe, Shanan's presence in his life would help him forget the darkness that surely consumed him. Maybe she could help him learn to feel the warmth of the sun on his face again, to experience the simple joys of childhood, untainted by the shadows of his past…
Shanan's history lessons at school had covered the powerful clans that shaped the village's past, including the legendary founding of Konoha.
The epic battle between the First Hokage, Hashirama Senju, and the infamous Madara Uchiha had been presented in stark terms: good vs. evil, light vs. darkness. Madara, the clear-cut villain, had been portrayed as a power-hungry warmonger. But Shanan, with her unique understanding of the gray areas between darkness and light, couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the story. She knew that even the most well-intentioned individuals could harbor darkness, and that the most reviled villains might possess remnants of goodness.
The arrival of Sasuke Uchiha, a young boy bearing the weight of his family's dark legacy, had only deepened her curiosity. His heartbreaking circumstances had stirred something within her, and she couldn't help but wonder if the Uchiha's villainous reputation was truly deserved.
She wandered through the history section of the library, her eyes scanning the shelves until she found the book she'd been searching for. She added it to the already precarious stack in her arms, wobbling slightly as she made her way to an empty table.
With a quiet sigh, she set the books down, her fingers flying as she browsed through the table of contents in each one. She opened the first book to the relevant page, then added another on top, and another, creating a towering stack of open books.
As she read through the passages she'd selected, her eyes narrowed in disgust. The authors' biases were glaringly obvious, their words dripping with malice and accusation. Facts were scarce, replaced by opinion and conjecture.
Her gaze lingered on the pages, her mind working to separate fact from fiction. Despite the books' shortcomings, she acknowledged their usefulness, a wry smile playing on her lips. Her ability to uncover nuanced truths, often hidden from others, was a skill she quietly prized.
At first glance, the Uchiha clan seemed to embody the very definition of hatred and apathy, driven by an insatiable hunger for power and control. The authors' words seemed to confirm this narrative, painting the clan as one-dimensional villains. But Shanan saw beyond the surface level, her intuition and empathy allowing her to glimpse the complexities that lay beneath.
The Uchiha, she realized, were a people of profound passion and deep emotion. They loved fiercely and felt intensely, their hearts beating with a vulnerability that made them prone to heartbreak. And it was this heartbreak, coupled with their immense power, that had led them down a path of destruction, seeking to make others feel the pain they themselves had endured. Not out of anger, but out of sadness…
This realization filled her heart with a deep sorrow, her thoughts turning to the boy next door who had spent the last week drowning in his own tears. The thought that he, too, might believe himself destined to succumb to darkness, unworthy of love and light, was almost too much to bear.
Three months had passed since Sasuke's arrival, and though he still maintained a reserved demeanor, it was clear he had grown attached to Shanan. He was always prompt to offer his assistance, often anticipating her needs before she even had to ask. Shanan had picked up on this dynamic quickly, reassuring him that he didn't need to prove himself to earn her affection. Yet, he persisted in his efforts, driven by an evident desire to make her life easier.
He'd even sought Naruto's advice and expertise on making her happy, like learning all her favorite things and helping with chores. He made sure to clean messes promptly and followed Naruto's lead on things like bath times, or homework, or even navigating her now rare memory lapses. When Shanan smiled at him, it was as if the sun had burst forth from the clouds, shining exclusively for him. He would cling to that feeling for the rest of the day, his expression softening ever so slightly as he basked in the warmth of her approval.
But despite the progress he'd made, there were still moments when the past came back to haunt him. The memory of telling Shanan to leave him alone would resurface, and he would mentally replay the scene, wincing at his own behavior. He'd wonder if she ever thought about it too, and whether she'd ever be able to fully forgive him.
Another incident also plagued his mind occasionally – three weeks after he'd finally emerged from his grief, he'd lost his temper and called Naruto annoying. Shanan's gentle admonishment had stung, not because of its severity, but because of the disappointment and sadness etched on her face. The feeling of having let her down, of being the cause of her upset, was a crushing weight that he avoided at all costs.
As was her routine, Shanan arrived at the boys' school to walk home with them. Her gaze fell upon Naruto's face, and her eyes narrowed as she noticed the split in his lip. Instantly, her hands were on his cheeks, her fingers gentle as she examined the injury. "What happened?" she asked, her voice firm but controlled. "Tell me who did this to you."
"Oh." Naruto hesitated, looking uncertain. "You don't need to, sis." His voice dropped to a whisper. "He told me not to tell you..." His eyes darted to Sasuke, and then back to Shanan.
Shanan's expression turned gentle. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well..." Naruto took a deep breath. "Sasuke got into trouble for defending me."
Shanan's gaze shifted to Sasuke, his bruised knuckles catching her attention. Her eyes sparkled with a mix of surprise and gentle admiration. For a moment, she simply looked at him, her expression conveying a depth of feeling. A soft, warm smile spread across her face, radiating pride and affection.
She looked back at Naruto and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead before releasing him.
Then, she turned to Sasuke, her arms opening wide as she enveloped him in a warm, all-encompassing hug.
Sasuke's eyes widened, his body stiffening in surprise. For a heartbeat, he simply stood there, unsure of how to react. Then, slowly, his arms began to lift, his hands hovering tentatively at her waist. He looked up at her, his eyes locked onto hers, and felt a warmth spread through his chest. With a quiet sigh, he let his arms wrap around her, holding her close as he sank into the comfort of her hug. As she held him close, he felt his entire body glow, bathed in the warmth of her acceptance and love.
News of Sasuke's schoolyard fight to defend Naruto had somehow spread like wildfire through the village. What should have been dismissed as a minor scuffle between children was instead blown out of proportion, with many drawing ominous parallels between his actions and those of his infamous brother.
As the Kojiki Trio walked through the village, they were met with familiar stares and scowls. The villagers' hostility was palpable, their whispers and murmurs carrying on the wind.
Sasuke, trying to maintain a stoic exterior, couldn't hide the pain and embarrassment that lingered in his eyes. He was acutely aware that Shanan could hear the villagers' vitriol, and it filled him with a deep sense of shame.
As the days passed, he began to withdraw into himself, excusing himself to his own apartment whenever they were home. Shanan's anger simmered just below the surface, but it wasn't directed at Sasuke – it was aimed squarely at the villagers, whose fear and prejudice had once again succeeded in hurting the ones she cared about.
As they prepared to leave for school, Shanan's mind wandered back to the days when Naruto faced open disdain from the villagers. She recalled how her public displays of affection had helped shift the tide of public opinion, and she wondered how she could replicate that effect for Sasuke.
Though she didn't think she could shower Sasuke with the same exuberant affection she showed Naruto, she wanted to convey her support and care in a way that would resonate with him. As they stepped out of the apartment, she reached out and gently took Sasuke's hand, offering him a warm smile.
"Whatever anyone says, Sasuke, you still have me and Naruto, and that's not going to change," she said, her voice soft but firm. "It might not seem like much, but this will show them. And hey, if it doesn't show them, then at the very least, it'll show you."
Sasuke's eyes locked onto hers, his gaze brimming with deep gratitude and adoration. He squeezed her hand tightly, as if he never intended to let go. Her gentle touch on his hand sent shivers down his spine, her fingers intertwining with his in a comforting grasp. For the rest of the walk to school, he couldn't help but steal glances at her, his heart fluttering. He felt a deep sense of hope and belonging and he knew that he would do anything to hold onto it. The villagers' shallow words and scornful glances faded into the background, replaced by an unshakeable resolve to stay by her side, forever.
With the villagers' gossip effectively silenced, Shanan and Sasuke returned to their usual routine, walking to school without the physical connection of holding hands. Yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had genuinely enjoyed the brief period of hand-holding. It had brought a subtle yet unmistakable glow to Sasuke's face, a radiance that seemed to emanate from within. But what surprised her was the realization that she, too, had felt a spark of joy, a sense of connection that she couldn't quite explain.
As she watched over the boys as they slept, her mind wandered to the differences in her relationships with Naruto and Sasuke. Protecting Sasuke's heart felt distinctly different from protecting Naruto's. She couldn't quite put her finger on why, but Sasuke didn't evoke the same brotherly feelings in her that Naruto did. A pang of guilt accompanied this realization, as she wondered why she couldn't view Sasuke in the same light. She accepted him, cared for him deeply, and wanted the best for him. Still, there existed a subtle yet palpable line between them, one that made navigating their relationship slightly more complicated than it had ever been with Naruto.
Her thoughts swirled with questions, but she held onto the hope that, with time, they would transcend this unspoken boundary, growing closer than ever before.
Shanan's eyelids fluttered open, and she was met with the sterile, familiar surroundings of a hospital room. A dull ache throbbed in her head, a sensation she knew all too well. She couldn't believe she was back again, her body weakened by the relentless cycle of injury and recovery. As she struggled to sit up, her memories came flooding back, but they abruptly stopped at the image of Sasuke collapsing against her after their harrowing encounter with Itachi.
She lay in bed, her mind replaying every detail of the traumatic encounter. She recalled arriving just in time to see Naruto on the verge of being taken by Itachi and his partner. The image of Sasuke's broken arm was etched in her memory, along with the desperate, helpless look on his face as he begged her to flee. Despite his own vulnerability, Sasuke had still tried to defend her, earning himself a brutal kick into the wall.
The image of him being choked and subjected to a genjutsu made her blood boil. All she had wanted to do was shield him from harm, but even in his broken state, he had refused to back down, using his injured arm to absorb the blows meant for her. His selflessness and bravery left her breathless, and she felt a surge of admiration and protectiveness towards him.
She sat up, a lump forming in her throat as emotions swelled within her. She longed to find Sasuke, to wrap her arms around him and offer comfort. Even if he was unaware of her presence, she could still cycle her chakra into him, filling his dreams with love and warmth instead of the nightmares that likely plagued him after encountering Itachi again.
Determined, she stood up and approached the door, peering out into the dark, quiet hallway. She hoped to instinctively sense Sasuke's location, but the silence was daunting, and she was met with uncertainty. With a sigh, she turned back, intending to ask someone about Sasuke's whereabouts later.
Just as she turned, a familiar voice called out, "I see you're awake."
Kakashi's figure emerged from the darkness of the hallway. He walked towards her with his characteristic calm demeanor. As he approached, he pulled his mask down, revealing a soft, warm smile.
She had forgotten about Kakashi's own injury, but his presence brought a smile to her face. "I see you are too," she replied.
He chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "I was just coming to see you," he said. "Come on, let's sit. You shouldn't be up." With a gentle nudge of his elbow, he playfully encouraged her to follow him back into her room.
Shanan sat down on the edge of her bed, her eyes fixed on Kakashi as he pulled up a chair beside her bed. His expression turned serious. "How are you feeling? Headaches still bothering you?"
Her gaze dropped, and she replied quietly, "More than ever."
"I'm sorry to hear that," he said gently. He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "But there is some good news. The new Hokage will help you as soon as she can, and she'll also be assisting Lee with his own recovery." He offered a reassuring smile. "However, after the attack, there's a long list of people who need attention, so it could be a few more days."
She nodded slowly, her eyes still cast downward, as she processed the information.
"Also…" Kakashi shifted in his chair, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I heard you stopped by while I was out."
Her gaze flickered up to meet his, before dropping back down. "Yeah... I would've stuck around, but..."
Kakashi's voice was gentle, but probing. "Shanan..."
"I'm not gonna apologize, Kakashi," she said, her voice firm. "Sasuke would've left whether I went with him or not and I couldn't let him go alone." Her voice cracked, and tears began to well up in her eyes. "He needed me," she whispered, her eyes pleading. "So please don't lecture me..."
He let out a soft sigh, rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke. "No, I won't lecture you," he said, his voice gentle. "I'm just a bit surprised you didn't try to talk him out of going." He paused, his eyes filled with empathy. "And I'm sorry you both got so hurt."
Her gaze met his, a hint of a smile on her lips. "I'm not surprised you already know about it."
Kakashi chuckled. "My eyes were barely open before Guy told me everything," he said.
"That sounds about right." Her expression turned serious, concern etched on her face. "Is Sasuke still not awake?"
He shook his head gently. "No, Sasuke still hasn't woken up. He needs Lady Tsunade's expertise, but he isn't too far down the list." He paused, his eyes clouding over with concern. "He's much younger than I am, and even though he's an Uchiha, his body couldn't handle Itachi's genjutsu as well as mine could."
"Wait…" Shanan's brow furrowed, and she looked at Kakashi with alarm. "Itachi put you into a genjutsu too?" she asked.
His eyes darted away. "Uh... yes." Seeing the distressed look on her face, he quickly added, "Sorry, I thought Guy told you when you stopped by."
Her face fell even further, her eyes welling up with tears. She shook her head, her voice trembling. "No... we hadn't gotten that far. Some asshole in sunglasses showed up and dropped Itachi's name, and that was really all Sasuke needed to hear before..." Her voice cracked, and she struggled to continue, tears streaming down her face. "What happened? What did he do to you?"
Kakashi's smile was tinged with nervousness as he downplayed the severity of his experience. "Oh, the usual," he said, his tone light. "Three days of torture in a split second. Nothing too extreme."
Shanan deflated, her shoulders sagging, as she looked at him with a mix of worry and sadness. She wiped her tears gently, her eyes drifting to the floor. "Why do you do that, Kakashi?" she asked, her words trembling. "Tortured... for three days?" The tears continued to fall, and she wiped them away, her eyes fixed on the floor, unable to meet his gaze.
He let out a soft sigh, his gaze drifting away from hers as he struggled to find the right words. "Sorry... it's... an annoying defense mechanism of mine," he muttered, his voice tinged with a hint of self-deprecation. He glanced back at her, his eyes locking onto hers for a brief moment before he looked away again. "Yes... it felt like... three long days," he began, his voice measured, but his words trailed off as he was unable to finish. The memory of the traumatic experience seemed to wash over him, and he couldn't bring himself to share the details with her, unwilling to burden her with the knowledge or worry her further.
The silence between them stretched out, a palpable thing that filled the space around them. Shanan's gaze was fixed on Kakashi, her eyes searching for answers, sensing the depth of the trauma he'd suffered at Itachi's hands. She saw the pain lingering in his eyes, the lasting effects of the torture he'd endured. Her eyes drifted to his hand, and she noticed the slight tremor he was trying to hide, a telltale sign of the emotional turmoil he was struggling to keep in check.
Her own hands began to fidget, her fingers intertwining as she looked at them. "Kakashi... are we still friends?" Their eyes met, and his expression softened. He nodded, a small, reassuring smile on his lips.
But then his brows furrowed, a hint of introspection in his eyes. "If it makes you feel better, Shanan... I don't tell the others much either." The words hung in the air, a quiet admission of the emotional walls he'd built around himself.
Shanan's gaze dropped back to her hands, and tears began to flow freely. She shook her head, her voice cracking as she whispered, "Not at all..."
Kakashi's eyes locked onto her tear-stained face, and felt a pang of guilt wash over him. He fought back his own tears, his jaw clenched as he struggled to maintain his composure. "It's just too much, Shanan," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's... all just too much."
"I'm sorry." Her eyes lifted to meet his, and she sniffled, her voice trembling. "You shouldn't have to take any of this on." She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "But you also don't get it, Kakashi. When I tell you that I remember darkness, and crying, and then you... I mean it literally. I was nothing... I was... the darkness. I was the crying. I didn't know anything about anything, and then..." She wiped her face, taking a few deep breaths as she composed herself.
Kakashi watched her, still fighting his emotions.
"And then it was like there was this light all of a sudden, and I didn't know anything except to go to the light. Part of me thought that I was dying, and the other part didn't even know what that meant," she said. "And then I was standing there behind you. I had a body, and I was someone, and I had a voice! And I don't think I would if you hadn't shown up."
Kakashi's entire being seemed to freeze in place, his eyes glazing over as he replayed her words in his mind. Over and over, the phrases echoed, refusing to be silenced. It just wasn't possible that she could see him that way. Even if he had saved her, the depth of her words was unsettling. But then, his mind began to wander, and he couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if he hadn't shown up. If someone else had arrived, or if no one had come at all.
Would she have evaporated into nothing, or perhaps everything? Would she be alive in a million different places all at once? Would she have found her way to existence without his interference? Or would she have remained forever lost in the void…
The questions swirled in his mind like a vortex, each one leading to more, until his head spun with the possibilities. His thoughts careened wildly, considering the intricacies of fate, the consequences of his actions, and the delicate balance of existence.
His racing mind suddenly screeched to a halt as he felt Shanan's arms wrap around his neck, pulling him back to the present.
Her smile was soft and gentle as she spoke, her words dripping with sincerity. "Kakashi, you're the strongest person I know. I know you don't believe that, but you wouldn't still be here if you weren't." His face began to shake, his eyes welling up with emotions he couldn't contain. Shanan's arms tightened around him, holding him close as she continued. "I know your mind refuses to grasp how anyone could see you the way I do, but it's true."
His surprise was evident and he was trying to fight back tears, but it was a battle he was barely winning.
"I love you, Kakashi. You're so important to me. You're my hero…"
The dam broke, and his tears flowed silently, his body shaking with the force of his emotions. He raised a hand, placing it on her arm, his touch gentle. The only sound was his ragged breathing, a stark contrast to the silence of his tears.
Shanan's tears also fell silently, but hers were happy tears, born of the joy and admiration she felt for Kakashi. She held him close, her embrace a safe haven for the broken, vulnerable man in her arms.
"Thank you," she said, her voice trembling. "For everything good in my life. I owe you… everything. And though I know you'd never ask me to, I'll always help you when you need it."
The words hung in the air, a promise of loyalty and devotion that wrapped around Kakashi's battered heart, offering a glimmer of hope and healing.