Chapter XXI

Issei had questions.

In fact, he had a lot of questions.

Unfortunately for him, the fact that the giant horse-man had just gotten back up and was now rearing back one of his massive palms to strike at them meant that rather than asking those very important questions, he instead opted to shout a warning as a hastily summoned wall of marble rose from the round to block the incoming swipe.

"Duck!"

The trio beside him obeyed, dropping to the ground just in time as the massive palm blew through the stone as if it were paper mache, flinging a storm of shrapnel at them, barely missing the monkey and girls.

As for Issei?

They bounced off of his body harmlessly.

How could it not? The stone was made with his own powers, so there was no way that it could hurt him. That much he could feel instinctively.

"The knees! Aim from behind! And finish him off before he transforms!"

The monk called out amidst the gust blown at them through the swipe, but Issei was on the ball. Pillars rose from behind him at an angle, hitting the horse's legs from behind and sending him stumbling forward out of balance. Just in time for Issei to launch himself at him with one of his trusty stone bats at the ready.

The swing shattered the club, but snapped the horse man's head backwards.

Before he could even start to think about his next move, two lights flashed and blasts of yellow lightning and red flame-like energy slammed into the monster's eyes.

"We've got your back!"

"Preparing to support you, dear junior!"

Knowing that he had people watching over him, even if their attacks didn't seem to do much damage, Issei was more than happy to unleash an absolute finishing move.

"Sorry! I really wanted to see your dragon mode…"

Issei lifted one hand up to the sky, feeling energy gathering in his arm as he did so.

"But I've got a city to save!"

Making a chopping motion, he swept down with so much force the muscles in his arm strained. And, as he did so, day turned to night.

A slab of marble the size of a small building manifested with a snap-pop-boom as immense amounts of displaced air threw up dust and shattered what few windows remained below.

"Crumbling Tombstone Burial!"

Calling out the name of the attack might have been silly, but it made him feel better, especially since his enemy spat a giant gout of boiling hot poison gas at him. Unfortunately, the Campion had just summoned his largest construct to date, even if it was of the weakest substance he could make, and found himself unable to do much more than flop forwards.

Luckily for him, two high speed Devils managed to grab an arm each and rocket him upwards, dodging past crumbling pieces of the construct, slipping around car sized jagged chunks of marble, and twisting up and away from the absolutely absurd weight of magic stone now colliding with the side of the mountain.

Crushing the legendary horse dragon against it.

Issei rubbed his forehead, feeling dizzy.

"Was… Was that enough to take him out?"

Besides him, the familiar blonde monkey flashed into place, standing in the middle of the air with a thoughtful hum as Goku's eyes expertly looked over the pile of debris and dirt Issei had conjured.

His marble might have been fragile without the full power, but that didn't mean it weighed any less, only that it broke more easily, which made just crushing something with weight very easy.

"Nah. Bai Long Ma's too strong for that."

Indeed, a massive slab of crumbling stone began to lift and shift, pieces chipping off and crumbling with each movement, and repeating, rhythmic thumbs began to grow louder and louder. Enough that Issei could guess that his opponent was punching his way out of a pile of debris.

"I don't suppose I impressed you enough, Mr. Monkey King?"

Said monkey king promptly blew a raspberry, waved his ass at Issei, and flew away on a golden gust of wind while laughing.

Issei strongly considered trying to skewer the ass through the eye, but, exhaustion already threatening to overwhelm him, the young man ultimately decided it was best to deal with one opponent at a time.

So, while the White Dragon Horse was unburying himself, it seemed like a great opportunity to prepare.

"One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three."

Touching his toes, the young man appreciated the burn that came from having to force himself to hold on to the bottom of his - admittedly ruined - sneakers.

"Issei?"

"Yes, Buchou?"

"Are you stretching?"

Standing on his tiptoes, the Campione began reaching for the sky.

"Ahhh! Think I popped my back! And yes, I am! I didn't have time earlier, you know? So it's better to do it now and try to avoid a cramp."

"I… see."

"One, two, three, one, two, three."

Doing a few deep squats, Issei continued his preparations as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Because, frankly, absolutely nothing made sense anymore. His home city had been evacuated to the Underworld, which wasn't the Christian Hell, though Christian Devils - not the Devil - lived down there. Also, Devils were cute girls, and pretty boy bastards, and also Gasper, who were mostly normal people who had bat wings. Also, the two Devils who helped him fight the Bai Long Mai had blasted the horse dragon with lighting and black light after Issei himself dropped a small mountain's worth of rock on the big guy.

All because Goku wanted to have a mini tournament with the possible fate of all Japan at risk.

And all that because some crazy Chinese lady wanted to kick his ass.

'Or did she want me to kick her ass? Does it even matter? Bah. Oppai are better off when not in a death match.'

Nodding sagely, he took a baseball pitcher's stance, sighted in on where the largest number of cracks were concentrated, and then taking aim.

"Akeno, Buchou?"

"Yes?" His countryman alighted next to him, Issei's eyes instinctively following the bounce of her ample chest as she did so, all three of them pointedly ignoring the growing boom-boom-BOOM coming from below the ground. "What can we do?"

"If it's ok, can the both of you, ah, how to put this, help with a combo?"

It was Rias, somewhat to his surprise, that got that meaning.

"You want us to channel our powers into one of your spears? Like a lightning rod for magic. I'm not sure if that would work."

The Campione blushed a little and forced himself to focus on conjuring a spear in his hand… and that was not a euphemism!

"If that's not how magic actually works, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Akeno, the queen shook her head.

"No, it's more that our powers are rather intense." He watched as her lips twitched in amusement. "But I'm sure the great potence and intensity of a Campione could handle both a Devil's Lightning and the Power of Destruction at once."

His blush was no longer little or mild as the young man had to squint to force himself not to react in any other way. Because Akeno had chosen that moment to press up against his arm.

"Stop bullying him Akeno." The red-haired Devil landed next to him, crossing her arms under her chest… and no, the cute, twitching animal tail did not make the bounciness any worse! "This isn't the time or place for this!"

'How can you say that with a straight face while doing what you just did!?'

Panicking, the young man actually sighed in relief when a clawed hand the size of a car punched through the ground and slammed down.

And that was saying something, considering how grotesque it was!

Ivory talons about a meter long dug through marble like it was dirt, while shifting pink-blue-white scales began to overrun tufts of thick, coarse horse hair. Hair that seemed to split open the still forming scales, growing in the gaps between them, and leaving the whole limb looking like it was suffering from technicolor mange. There was also, of course, the simple fact that the hand-hoof had split the keratin up into crumbling, ragged blocks, seemingly being sucked up into the still growing reptilian limb.

Almost like a much grosser reverse version of Wolverine's claws!

At the very least, that's the image that leapt into the young boy's mind, seeing as he was struggling not to start laughing like a lunatic at the absurd nonsense going on around him.

Because that was a rather appealing option at the moment, if he were being honest.

"Little… Godslayer." An eye the size of a door was visible through the crumbling block. "I smell… serpents… and fire." The air vibrated as the Bai Long Mai spoke. "Let me… crush you… and offer… a gift" Every breath was ragged, like it was struggling to breathe. "But only… if you… die."

Its face began to push out of the rubble, a neck at least the length of a bus lifting up a head half as long up and around. The flat teeth of a horse had overgrown from lips curled back around dripping fangs, venom, poison, acid, perhaps a mixture of all three, dripping from the malformed, ragged lips.

"Go away… Briton."

Bai Long Mai exhaled and a sickly sweet stink washed over the three teenagers as its maw, shaped like the head of a seahorse, finally freed itself.

"It… hurts… so much. I… will… hurt… you."

Jagged outcroppings of scales covered the monster's snout, malformations of tusks lifted chunks of rubble up and away from the mountainside, mismatched and twisted horns hung free like a broken crown; all was backlit by a mountain wreathed in a blood red setting sun. And then the eye blinked, the outer lid closing, opening, the movement slow and languid, and there, at the very end, a nictitating membrane following it.

"Now!"

Issei was frozen in terror, every muscle in his body ached from how tense he was, his heart had gone still, his stomach roiled, sweat trickled down his neck, every hair on his body was standing on end. But… but, but, but, in some tiny corner of his mind, buried beneath every primordial fear gifted to prey, he knew this was the moment.

This, right here, right now was his one chance.

So Issei Hyoudou threw his spear.

One foot led the way, his hip rolled with the motion, his arm came up and around like he was throwing a baseball, and the barbed shaft of enchanted marble, pumped full of every ounce of magic he could gather, launched itself forwards - propelled by black fire and golden lightning!

There was a crack-boom of thunder and the air split apart; the Campione's missile flew true, perhaps propelled by an ancestral fury as much as raw, naked terror.

But whatever inspired the almost insane strength in his arm, the human knew the attack was going to end this fight one way or another.

Because next to him both girls collapsed - Issei himself stumbling and managing to grab both before they hit the ground. Yet he only just barely managed to do so and only by grabbing at their uniforms which, blessedly, held together. So it was two unconscious women, Akeno with her hands seeming burned by lightning and Rias with her arms… burned or warped by her own powers, the Campione couldn't guess, he stood and watched for the three heartbeats it took for it all to end.

Impact came before the sound of the strike reached him.

There was an explosion, a blinding flash of light followed by an echoing BOOM that shook his bones and made his ears pop and bleed. Yet that wasn't even the most important thing. Because it seemed like the spear had… burrowed into its target before tumbling, spalling, with thousands of fragments ripping in every direction as it delivered its magical payload to the inside of the Heretic God's skull.

Behind Bai Long Mai, stretching at least three kilometers up the side of the mountain, there was a single, unbroken scorch mark, as if someone had burned a strip off the side of Wukong's creation.

So he stood there.

And waited as the great dragon monster lowered its head.

It snorted.

Issei set the girls down and, half tripping over his own feet, sat next to the vast, warped beast.

And he gently stroked what was left of Bai Long Mai's muzzle as the great dragon, the hero, the Heretic began to turn into motes of light and a final pained, yet relieved breath rattled in the fallen god's chest, the monster leaning into his touch just a little before it went.

"We must leave. The others won't be far behind now that Bai Long Ma has been defeated."

The young man nodded, rubbing the spot where the white horse dragon's body had been just a moment ago, before the group quickly moved away, this time deeper into the city now overrun by tree roots and peach flowers.

One down.

'Three to go.' He thought grimly.

When Issei got his hands on that Monkey, he was gonna kick his ass.

Hyoudou Household

"Huh, I guess the roots didn't get inside the house after all."

Issei was actually worried that, in addition to the destroyed school, he would also have to explain to people why their homes were a mess smelling of monkey poop. But it seemed like Wukong's trees just covered the buildings instead of getting inside them.

One less thing to explain to his parents.

'But man, what a morning.'

Barely two hours since he got up and he had already fought a botched horse-transformed dragon while also failing to do anything against the Heretic God that his 'esteemed older sister' had put him up against. Was she watching him from somewhere in town? Was she outside, making sure nobody got into the city and ruined his 'gift'?

Both sounded likely with her.

Still, he had to come up with a plan now… or so he'd like to say, because that was exactly the kinda thing that Goku, the older one, had warned him against when dealing with his younger, heretic self.

Issei had to jump head first into this.

Only now he realized that meant dealing with the other two legendary brothers.

"Ahhh. At least the food in the fridge is still cold."

He pounded back a cold soda, followed by two bottles of water, and pulled out a box of leftovers.

Even if it wasn't warmed up, rice was still good civilization and he happily tucked in.

"Still. Hmm. I was warned about trying to outwit Goku, by Goku. Does that mean not to plan at all? What about for the other two? I kinda went with my gut in the moment back there, but I still had help. More than that, does that mean I failed the test?"

"A test is only failed when a lesson is not learnt. You merely learned that accepting help is the natural course for all living things, Godslayer or not."

Issei perked up, rummaging through the fridge, picking up a few cans of juice. The others were bound to be parched.

"You guys done?"

There was a shuffling sound behind him, and the soft groan of a wooden chair.

"Yes, I've successfully purged the impurities from their bodies. Truthfully, they might have healed in due time, but one can never be too vigilant. Especially when their bodies were already affected by Wukong's curse."

Right, right.

He had almost forgotten that his seniors were actually monkey-fied in the middle of the whole mess.

"Speaking of, is that… permanent."

For once, Issei felt conflicted at the sight of Oppai.

In his heart of hearts, the young man understood that in the world he now lived in, there would be many misunderstandings and strange coincidences that while not out of place would still take him a while to get used to. And the fact that one of the main characters of the story he grew up hearing over and over again turned out to not be a male monk as originally described, but instead a gorgeous lady with a massive pair to match did very little to dispel the conflicted feelings.

Instead he did what any sane person in his position would do.

"So… uhh… did you always have those?"

And put his foot right into his mouth.

He was a teenager, dammit, social niceties and tact weren't exactly abilities they were known for.

The blonde monk didn't seem all that annoyed by the blunder, instead reclining against the couch with all the serenity you would expect from a seasoned adventurer and spiritual leader, gently folding her veil and shawl as she chuckled.

It was a struggle for the young man to focus on her face and not… other things.

"Well, that question is a bit complex to answer. How much about Heretic Gods do you know?"

Issei scratched the back of his head, glad for the question and the distraction.

How much DID he know?

He knew the basics, that sometimes gods were born, gods that couldn't do anything without causing problems in the world, and so it was his job to fight them so people wouldn't get dragged into messes. Just like the one they were now stuck cleaning after.

"Well, I know you guys aren't exactly the same as normal gods?"

One question at a time.

"That is putting it mildly. Though I would correct you and say that the likes of Heretics are actually closer to the image humans have of the gods then the actual gods themselves might be. They've had the time to grow and change from the point where their legends were recorded. We, Heretic Gods, embody those myths in the truest sense. We can be nothing else but them."

That was certainly a way to look at them.

Issei, however, wasn't the only one listening.

"And how does that explain your… appearance? Because I'm fairly certain that the real Tripitaka is very much a man."

She shrugged, and Issei's eyes averted themselves just in time.

Seriously, what were those things made out of? Pudding?!

"This is what happens when your legend is portrayed by actresses over the course of decades, if not centuries. It's merely a physical manifestation of how the 'legend' of the monk Sanzang evolved over time."

"So, it's not like you stopped being a guy. As far as you're concerned… you were always a girl? Since you're a Heretic?"

The monk nodded approvingly, like a teacher who was proud that a student got the right answer to a question.

"Matters of the metaphysical aside, who I am now is as natural to me as waking up in the morning is natural to you. As you grow, it is hard to see how much one changes. With Heretic Gods, our legends are much the same, unless we go through a great metamorphosis, like what Bai Long Ma attempted during our battle."

That… well… explained things.

A lot of things.

Come to think of it, Dusa-chan did say something like that back on the ship. Not that he could remember a whole lot of details from that conversation, but she did complain about how humans never seemed to make up their minds about who or what she was. So maybe this was a similar case?

He would thank the heavens for the free oppai then.

"That still doesn't explain why you decided to help us. If you are really the Sanzang of the legends, shouldn't that make you Wukong's ally first and foremost?"

Rias, aided by Akeno, walked in. Her accusation was offered calmly, but firmly, and there was suspicion in her eyes. No… Issei might not have noticed until now, but his senior was plain tense, watching the Heretic God across from them warily, as if expecting her to turn cloak any second.

"While it is true that we have journeyed together, that doesn't mean we'd always approve of each other's choices or didn't commit mistakes. That monkey got me out of as many pinches as he caused, and ultimately was forced into the trip because of his misdemeanors. If this Goku is the one ruled by his lower, less noble self, then I see no reason to follow his lead."

Which Issei was very thankful for.

He already had to fight a crazy strong lady this week, there was no way he was gonna put himself through it again.

"But can you oppose him?" The redhead pressed further, eyes narrowing in thought, her Queen gently lowering her into a chair nearer to Issei than the monk.

"No, I cannot fight him. If that is what you wish to know."

Wait, what?

"You can't?" He repeated, surprised.

The monk tilted her head in confusion.

"Were you under the assumption that I could? While I did rebel against his plans and provided you with information and some aid, I cannot directly oppose the Monkey King as a Subordinate God."

That was a familiar term.

Had he heard something like that before?

"Being summoned to help him achieve his objective, even if by accident, means that I am technically part of him. Merely split and manifested as the monk of legend. While I can do certain things like scold him and distract him, I can't actually meaningfully stop him from doing anything. It's only the fact that I got the lion's share of the power that was separated from his body that allowed me to do this much in the first place. The other three are incomplete, weaker existences as a result and won't disobey him even if I ordered them to."

To the side, Miss Akeno was doing her best to prepare a pot of tea while her monkey tail swung placidly side to side. That one was also taking a little bit to get used to, but he would ask later. Mostly he was just glad to see her up and at it so quickly - even her hands seemed to have been healed!

"Hmm. I don't think that matters in the end." The distraction helped him think. "Mostly because Goku doesn't seem to be trying to attack other people. If we play along, all I have to do is defeat him, right?"

"Perhaps." The beautiful woman's lips twitched in amusement. "It may be that simple, but I caution you not to expect it to be easy."

"Nah. He's gotta be way stronger than the big guy out there. And even if he was saying a bunch of crazy stuff, he still seemed super scary strong. I kinda wonder if I could have beaten him if he hadn't gotten stuck in that inbetween state."

"Could? Yes. You are a Campione. But that does not mean you could not be slain in turn." Sanzang's eyes seemed to well up with a deep sadness. "Thank you for ending his suffering."

Issei nodded.

"Yeah. I just wish I didn't have to kill."

"Unfortunately, Issei, I don't think we have a choice." Bucchou, Rias, was looking rather intensely at the Monk, as if trying to figure out whether she might have been lying or not. "But Akeno and I are with you to the end."

She seemed to be only half focusing on them and, taking a cup of tea from her subordinate, began humming in thought, her eyes were a thousand miles away, as if trying to recall something.

"Still. I would advise against seeking out conflict."

Frowning, Issei almost disagreed with the monk before recalling something important.

"Wait, Bajie said it wanted to eat me, right?"

He got a nod of approval and her gold eyes almost sparkled in approval.

"Indeed."

"So it's going to seek me out."

"Most likely."

"And that means I won't be fighting them both when they have the high ground… hopefully."

"Hopefully, yes." The monk sighed. "Still, come here, young Demon King."

Patting her lap, the monk seemed to be offering something that he couldn't imagine.

"W-wait. Are you s-s-sure!?"

Both Devils had narrowed their eyes at the Heretic God.

"Of course. I am rather happy to praise you for defending your city. I would, of course, offer the same to both of the young ladies, too, but they were displeased with me even merely healing them a little."

Well… Issei wasn't about to reject a free pillow!

It was as if all tension had drained away from him the moment his head hit the monk's thighs, a feeling of things being finally right in the universe as a smile slowly appeared on his face. There was no way he wouldn't be taking this memory with him to the other side.

"Now, I must remind you that I am still a monk. So any perverted thoughts will be punished accordingly."

Right, uhh… yeah.

He'd forgotten that.

Just like he had been thinking about her silky soft thighs, her smiling golden eyes, the shining luster of her hair, the curves of her-

"Shh, shh." Sanzang gently ran her hand through Issei's hair. "Peace. And nothing else."

Swallowing, tense, the Campione forced his body to relax. Not that it was exactly an easy thing to do. But he didn't want to upset the monk… or embarass himself.

"Yet desire is the source of suffering. And fear of failure, worse than trying and learning."

He recited from memory. It was… his grandfather who said that? Maybe.

Or it came from an anime.

"Very good for a novice."

Blushing, accepting the praise, and unable to bow with his head in the monk's lap, the Godslayer was struck with a sudden idea.

"Wait! You were all summoned as you were at the start of the journey, right?"

The Heretic nodded and Issei leapt up.

"I think I know a way to defeat Zhu Bajie! Rias, Akeno, can you help me cook?"

"I… oh! Poison. But will normal poison even work on a Heretic God?" Turning to Akeno, Rias queried her queen. "Do you know anything about that?"

A slight sigh.

"Yes. And unfortunately, I can confirm normal poisons and toxins are unlikely to do much, even if consumed in extraordinary quantities. The biology needed to interact with them is simply not present."

"Ah. I can help with that." Rubbing the back of his head, Issei shuffled nervously. "The Gorgons helped me out with that."

"Ara, ara. So quick to abandon a lady and her lap, are you, Demon King Issei. And to dabble in potions with two little Devils, too. Why, as your senior, I am tempted to scold you."

Smirking behind her hand, Akeno's words had Issei blushing, stuttering, and realizing, in dread, he had, in fact, abandoned the Monk Sanzang to plot with two Devils…. And suddenly feeling a jolt of worry his new name might be Tumbleweed, he pivoted back around.

"Don't worry young novice." Sanzang patted her lap. "I shall forgive you… eventually."

He didn't know whether to blush or shiver at the way her eyes curled as she smiled.

Were goddesses all like that?