Her blue eyes regard me with impatience as I pick up the unloaded gun. It feels strangely light in my hands. The metal is cold against my heated palms.
Next I reach for the magazine, already loaded with 15 bullets. All I have to do is insert it, pull the slide to rack one in the chamber and remove the safety.
Max reminds me to check the safety, even though I already did. His voice is hollow to my ears though his tone betrays a smile. I listen anyway and click it back and forth audibly so he can hear it.
Safety on, click, safety off.
The room is balmy. I've already unzipped the collar of my jacket in hopes that my neck being exposed will provide relief from the heat, and make it less difficult to breathe but the air is thick and stagnant, my lungs tight and hungry.
I force a calm composure, and swallow dryly.
Falen holds the faction-less man down with a hand to his shoulder. I know he is faction-less by the way that he is dressed, mixed colors on patchwork clothing, dirty hair, unshaven.
Everything about this man, save for his expression and his hard eyes, exudes wear.
He watches me approach. Gaze never leaving me as I am the one holding the gun.
To ask what his crimes are again, just to hear them once more would be failure. I already know them.
He doesn't fit. He is flawed. A virus. An infection to society.
Divergent.
When I step onto the ring of light illuminating them, Falen releases him and moves back into the shadows.
It is obvious what I am expected to do. Their reminders that he is nothing, that he is already dead, does not make it any easier. Neither does the way his brown eyes bore into mine, unblinking and very much alive.
He has been excommunicated, sterilized and muted and yet it isn't enough. The proper disposal for divergent contaminants is total eradication.
The man cannot talk and he cannot beg. His tongue was removed, possibly to make it easier on me.
He straightens his back and holds his head up higher when I inch closer and I can tell then, that he would not have begged. He is fearless and in a way I wonder if it is in fact because he is already dead.
The dead could not possibly fear death.
I don't know this man but I feel after tonight I won't forget his face.
When I raise the gun to the middle of his forehead, placing the barrel against his skin and my finger is just barely touching the trigger, his lips move and he mouths words.
I forgive you.
Tori frowns as she looks up at me, away from her work when my tapping gets too loud. Her fierce angular features all turning down as she shakes her head.
For the past hour today all I've done is spin in the receptions chair, stare out the doors at the concrete wall, counting the scuff marks and look through an instruction manual for the assembly of the chair I sit in.
I tap the concrete slab of a desk with my pen in rapid succession. My eyes always flick back to the clock or watch at my wrist. It seems as if time were crawling today.
3 more hours of today's 4 hour shift.
I sigh deeply and lean back into the chair, the squishing flatulent noises my clothes make against the leather don't entertain me anymore, like they used to.
"It's only been an hour Gene." Bud, the other tattooist responds from somewhere in the bowels of the shop, having heard my third or so sigh of the day.
His loud steps sound off as his hulking form stalks over to the stencil wall. I watch as Bud, with tattoos all over his hairless cranium, neck and arms puts up new stencils he just created.
"May I-" I begin to ask.
Tori snaps a "No" Immediately, cutting me off. I frown and turn my chair back around.
She stands, stretches and walks to the back storage rooms, and then returns to drop a box in front of me.
Her mood is sour from having little sleep the night before, forced to go for a morning run with Bud.
I don't get to work with any of the machines yet, but for the next few months I am to clean, watch, instruct people on tattoo care, and whatever else they need me to do for the shop.
Mainly they tell me "keep your ass in that chair."
Admittedly, it is one of the easier jobs in Dauntless.
Just as I begin pulling the specialized pads out of the box to replace ink cartridges, someone finally walks in.
"Amar." Tori greets without looking at him. "Come to chill?" She asks conversationally, becoming distracted. Her dark sleepy eyes turn to the stencil wall as she crosses her arms over her chest, leaning against the desk.
"Pshhh with you guys?" He jokes. Tori shrugs, like she didn't care anyway. She is older than us. Older than Amar by several years.
I give him an expectant brow raise and head tilt, questioning wordlessly if he is here to pull me out of work.
"Not today, besides you've got the best job ever." Sarcasm.
I nod my head, disappointed. All the others are currently in jobs like entertainment, laundry, food service, janitorial positions, the wall or the factory and other mundane tasks that they give to keep us all busy and to teach us some measure of responsibility, patience, maturity.
Also to help us decide what we want to do in our future here, should we choose Dauntless.
Amar is now an instructor and he'll be training transfer initiates this year for the very first time.
I know the job suits him, just as tattooing suits Tori. Everyone knows them, everyone respects them.
Even though he said he wasn't here to hang out, he does, he and Tori chat animatedly about how he's going to instruct, what he should wear, how he should talk, if he should get a hair cut.
Clearly he's excited.
"Was it transfers this year or. . .?" Tori asks curiously.
She had administered the aptitude tests this year, so she would know the potential number of transfers and who he might be working with.
"Transfers." He confirms before glancing to the clock. "Shoot, I've got to go, I'll see you guys tonight." He says quickly before tossing me a fizzy water, and mussing my hair.
Tori looks to me with a sly smile. "Majority Candor."
I shrug while wiping the stray drops that get sprayed onto the desk and myself as I twist open the cap of my drink, forgetting to pacify the fizzling pressure inside.
Bud laughs from somewhere in the room, and Tori rolls her eyes. "Get back to work." She says with mock sternness, swiping my drink before I can take a sip.
"Welcome to the Choosing Ceremony," Max booms over the still bustling room, quietting it down." Today you will choose your factions. Until this point. . ."
I listen to his bland standard speech with mild disinterest.
"A long time ago our ancestors realized that each of us, each individual, was responsible for the evil that exists in the world. But they didn't agree on exactly what that evil was, some said that it was dishonesty. . . .Some said that it was ignorance, some aggression. . . .Some said selfishness was the cause. And the last group said that it was cowardice that was to blame."
Kat, Jade and the others around me hoot and cheer. This is our first and only observation of the choosing ceremony before our own, it is a fairly long concession.
"That is how we came by our factions: Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation, and Dauntless." Max smiles. "In them we find administrators, teachers, counselors, leaders and protectors. In them we find our sense of belonging, our sense of community, our very lives."
More cheers but only from Dauntless.
"Enough of that. Come forward and make your choice. First up, Zellner, Gregory."
When the first boy chooses Amity, I listen to the others begin taking more bets.
Next is Candor. I stop paying attention.
The auditorium becomes dead silent, save for the gasps and urgent hushed chatter being called to order.
I glance up, curiosity piqued, to see a tall boy with slightly large ears, dressed in Abnegation grays makes his way off the stage towards the Dauntless side.
Max looks displeased.
The Abnegation rep, Marcus stands in the abnegation row with total bewilderment on his face, stunned while the other important individuals just look confused.
It's not till everyone up front starts cheering and yelling that I ask what just happened. I was fiddling with my jacket's zipper that got stuck on the fabric of my shirt.
I'd thought I caught his name though just before the chaos. Eaton, Tobias.
I've never seen the boy at the gatherings or conferences before. Marcus Eaton never brought anyone along, I'd forgotten he even had living relations.
"Fuck if I know." Kat responds. "Dauntless just got another transfer, so that makes like… 4?"
I nod my head absently and flick Gabriel in the back of the neck. He leans all the way back with his head in my lap to look up at me with a pitiful expression, he had taken Amar up on a bet but said less.
When we look towards the rows up ahead of us, we spy Amar already smiling at us as he points at Gabriel to gloat. He ducks down to hide.
"I can't wait till it's our turn to choose." Jade complains, she has her chin in her hands, elbows on her knees and gazes longingly at the stage.
I sigh contently and stretch my arms above my head, straightening my back. Stiff from sitting for too long.
"At least you only have a year to wait." Lynn snaps, she'd been fuming in front of us between Gabriel and Joseph, her sour mood because she'd been 'Bitched' at when her older sibling discovered her plot to attend this choosing to watch.
"By the time this finishes we'll all be choosing…" Joseph complains. He throws an elbow back to brush Kat off when she starts making dirt footprints on the back of his shirt.
Jade and Kat laugh but they both agree that they would rather be in school.
"Eric Coulter." Speaks Max, I look up again to watch with little interest when a tall Erudite boy with light brown hair in a blue crisp suit, stands and removes his glasses before making his way to the stage.
His walk exudes arrogance, but most Erudite do.
I glance back down towards the front of our section to watch the others continue to greet and slap the new transfer from Abnegation, he's bleeding a lot more than the rest, he cut himself too deeply.
"Bet this one's gonna choose Erudite." Gabriel mentions over his shoulder, the boy he's talking about is just as lanky as the rest, clearly nonathletic.
I see the Erudite boy's brow twitch from the corner of my eye like he heard, even over the other hushed conversations in the room.
"I don't have any points." I reply flatly to inform them that I won't be taking part.
Gabriel laughs. Kat bets Amity but I don't pay attention when she offers up a different kind of currency. Jade says she'll go for Candor cause he looks 'like a douche' and she doesn't want to bet the same as everyone else.
Joseph grunts, clearly not interested, he's lost enough bets today and Lynn 'gives the Nose the benefit of the doubt' and says he'll choose Dauntless even though she wasn't really included in the bet.
He takes the knife and without any hesitation spills his blood over the lit coals and the Dauntless crowd goes berserk down in front, while the rest of the room is silent and brooding.
Dauntless welcomes him as the 5th transfer. We now have 1 Abnegation, 2 Candor boys, an Amity and an Erudite.
"Ha ha, fuckers." Lynn gloats throwing her arms up in triumph.
"How about we all not turn her in for truancy, and we call it even?" Kat asks the others.
Lynn turns in her seat to gape at us and punches me in the shin when everyone else laughs and agrees that they don't owe her anything.
Tori slinks into the train car gracefully, but the stiff stumbles in behind her, smacking his face against the metal wall. Grabbing his nose and mouth.
"Smooth." Amar says, turning fully away from us. Unsuccessful at retrieving the points from Gabriel's earlier bet.
"Finesse is for Erudite show-offs." Tori responds flippantly, coming over to take a seat next to me, the rest of the occupants remain silent, hiding Lynn. "He made it on the train, Amar, that's what counts."
"He's supposed to be in the other car, though. With the other initiates," Amar answers. He studies the transfer, more curiously than anything else "If he's friends with you, I guess it's okay. What's your name, Stiff?"
"He's not my friend." Tori mumbles under her breath.
"You can call me stiff for all I care." The stiff says, with the look of unsurety on his face. As if he'd forgotten his name. Everyone else seems to have, I hear snickers and laughs.
"Alright stiff it is then." Amar says before turning back to us. "Pay up." Gabriel groans.
We all sit in the dimly lit canteen, everyone is chattering animatedly, voices, laughter, and forks to plates, echo off the concrete walls.
I spear my peas and pop them into my mouth one by one, crushing them between my teeth and listen to the excited conversations.
When Amar finally files into the room with his initiates marching in a line behind him, over to the empty benches, I notice how most of them look pale and shaken. Having just done their very first fear simulations.
They all still wear their previous factions clothes. Looking starkly out of place surrounded by all the black.
Uriah waves over at his brother in the dauntless born side enthusiastically and to his extreme embarrassment Ezekiel scowls at him.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and cringe when they all glance over in our direction. Including Tori who makes her way over to them.
The transfers look around the room with rapt interest and wonder, except the Abnegation and the Erudite boy who look calculatingly at everything.
Both of them have grim expressions, not unusual from individuals of their origin. The Candor's look overly excited and the Amity's both look unsure but eager.
None of them start eating and I know it's because they're intimidated by the stares and attention, meanwhile the other table already has laughter and conversation.
The leaders walk up to the edge of the second floor overlooking the canteen and the clanking of cups against tables starts, on impulse I join in and watch them expectantly.
Reid one of the leaders of Dauntless scans the room and hardly looks over our table before her intense watery-blue gaze stop in the obvious corner.
Max and Falen the other two leaders flank her, this year she's going to do the welcome.
"Initiates." She speaks loudly and clearly. Her voice cuts through the soft chatter, silencing it. "Stand." She commands.
I look back at the table of hesitant transfers. The Dauntless born stand immediately.
The leaders call attention to the initiates, praise them and wish them luck in their upcoming training.
Everyone looks at Reid with admiration. She's suited to being a leader, she's strong, tall, and always commands attention. She has a presence, stern but inspiring, she's not too old but at the moment she's the second youngest of the 3 leaders.
"You have chosen to join the warrior faction, tasked with the defense of this city and all of its inhabitants." Her eyes look glossy but hard, like she's filled with emotion but her voice lacks any.
A few people whoop and call, thats when I lose interest and stare off at nothing.
When the speech concludes everyone begins cheering and welcoming the transfers, they start plucking them up off their feet, above their heads to carry them around the room.
We stay seated and clap, most of us. I take a bite out of a dinner roll and watch as they get tossed into the air.
I sigh and clasp my cheek, while the leader's harsh voice resounds in my head, echoing off my skull between my ears.
Amar gives me an 'ouch' look.
As far as Dauntless families go, our relationship is hardly unusual to an outside perspective.
We regard each other with stoicism, our conversations lasting never more than 10 words unless it's to receive orders, no gentle touches or reassuring hugs, and no shared meals.
We are blood, but we come as faction first. Leader before all else.
The apartment is empty and quiet as usual, the only person who sleeps in here is me even though there are two rooms.
Occasionally a group of other delinquents stay over but tonight is a special occasion, choosing day, so I get to be alone.
"This years batch seems really promising, it's gonna be so fun!" Amar starts excitedly, drumming the table with his fingers.
Last years batch was the same. Although there are some exceptions.
This year though the leaders wanted to do something different. They got a preliminary look into their fear landscapes, their reasoning being that if instructors and Leaders know their fears before they start training, they can better assist them in preparing them for initiations.
"That's nice." I reply with little interest, I can tell he wants to talk about them.
"You know you're really bumming me out." Amar complains, not happy with my lack of enthusiasm or questioning about his initiates.
I sigh deeply and apologetically, I should endeavor to be more accommodating.
"I thought you weren't supposed to talk about initiation." I reprimand instead, he rolls his eyes and goes on to say that initiation has hardly started yet and he just want's to talk about the initiates themselves, no harm there he says.
"Who jumped first?" I ask with fake curiosity, steering the subject in his favor.
I remember the train ride when Tori, Amar and the Stiff jumped onto the roof, after lying to him saying it was the only entrance into Dauntless.
Instead of joining them to watch them jump again, I was coaxed into inconspicuously sneaking Lynn back in to the compound.
Max noticed, but he hardly cared. I don't need to know the order in which they jumped anyway, never makes a difference.
"Zeke, of course." Amar replies and he shifts in his chair, clearly pleased. It seems like Ezekiel shortened his name, Zeke sounds less mature but it suits him.
"What about the transfer, stiff?" I ask curiously. They don't usually transfer, especially not to Dauntless. "Tobias Eaton, was his name?"
"Don't ever call him that, only stiff. He jumped last." Amar replies but he leans forward in his chair, with bright eyes and a grin. "He has only 4 fears."
"Interesting." I say lazily. "What about the Candors?" I ask next, keeping the conversation going for his sake but the mention of only four fears does pique my interest.
He frowns like he wanted to continue talking about the stiff. "Well, you know Candor's." Amar sighs exasperatedly, leaning back with his hands behind his head and kicks his legs up onto the table.
"How was school?" Tori asks with a mocking tone and an expression to match, when I get into the shop 3 minutes early, Kat and Marlene disappear down towards the Pit.
"Shit." I reply, but I always use that response whenever someone asks me about it, it's usually finalizing.
I take a seat in the leather chair behind the reception desk and the first thing I do is check my watch.
Shifts are shorter on school days. The same routine goes on for the rest of the week. School, work, recreation and then sleep. It's easy to fall into.
Wednesday is the only exception, no work, no school, just training.
We do the usual, warm ups, then bags, then run until our trainer Travis thinks we've gone long enough. He'll then tell us to stop and pair up so we can spar. The older kids with older kids and the younger ones with the younger ones.
"So did you hear about the initiates?" Jade asks me, while I block one of her punches.
"I've heard." I confirm flatly.
Amar already told me about his favorite initiate, the surprising Abnegation being 'one of the best transfers Dauntless might have seen in years', he's excited about being the one to train him, it's a challenge.
But he's also been concerned over him. Saying he trains every morning and is in his fear landscape every night.
He is always exhausted and had almost lost his first few fights. Four is obssessive and neurotic.
He took my comment on favoritism and instead told me that he still thinks the Stiff could 'kick my ass' In that state. I did not take that well.
"Alright, switch." Travis barks and we all change partners.
"Do you think Kat would go on a date with me this Dauntfest?" Joseph asks, while hooking his leg around mine. I retaliate quickly, turning around to elbow him in the gut and he staggers backwards.
"No, she's taken an interest in the male Amity…transfer." I respond not hiding my distaste, conversations like these are in abundance among my small circle, drama, infatuations, feuds. The like.
Joseph nods slowly as we stalk each other, both with guards up. Kat just a ways away sparring with Gabriel now.
I haven't gotten to meet any of the transfers personally because of my schedule. The initiates interactions with the rest of us is usually kept minimal throughout initiation though.
I'm not supposed to get 'friendly' with them anyway. Not to mention rules already strictly forbid any sort of relations beyond platonic between us all.
"I guess the pretty boy take-over has begun, huh?" Joseph scoffs. I have found myself scrutinizing the stiff's grim but determined expression the past few days, whenever I catch a glimpse of him.
He's definitely growing in popularity, especially among the betting pools. The underdog. And I was told his new name is officially Four now.
"I've got dibs on the brunette." Jade calls over to us. Not specifying which brunette.
"Too late." Gabriel yells from further down in a feminine voice. "I called them all."
"100 push-up." Travis snaps, speaking over everyone in his raspy voice, and we all drop.
The weekend finally arrives and with it, does the shipments from Amity for summer. Every other month they distribute stores among the factions.
I'm assigned to these inter-faction minglings, by the leaders as part of my experience. Learning the ways, habits and behaviors of the other factions by observing.
"Aye there Genie!" Says the usual lilting voice of one of the Amity truck drivers, her long curly red hair and worn freckled face smiles over at me.
I take in all of them wearing their incredibly red, brown, orange and yellow clothing before offering her a curt nod. Such disharmonious colors.
"I brought you a little somethin'." She tosses me an offering and without looking I catch it reflexively.
"Thanks." I reply, wiping the apple on my jacket before biting into it. Holding it with my teeth, getting to work picking up the first sack to transfer over to the loading dock.
"Nice weather today." Says an Amity man with long brown hair, pulled back into a loose ponytail. He wears a straw hat which he tilts downwards to me in polite greeting.
His slightly tanned, leathery skin suggests long hours in the sun. Crows feet in the corners of his deep brown eyes, due to his constant smiling.
I mumble through the obstruction in my mouth, and then remove it without taking a bite. "Looks like rain to me." I reply properly, throwing another sack down.
There isn't a cloud in the sky, the blue literally stretches over the city with an almost awful smugness as the summer heat sticks to everything in sight.
My jacket is unnecessary.
"Well that would be dandy!" He replies with a widening smile. "We could use some of that rain, if you know what I mean." He goes to pat me but takes his hand back before he can make the connection. "Well I'll be!" Suddenly looking past me, his attention span lasting mere seconds. "Jason? Where's Mia?"
"Oh fuck this." Says the blonde initiate under his breath before he gets enveloped into a tight embrace by the overly enthusiastic man.
I toss the uneaten apple over my shoulder and reach for another sack. One that looks to be full of grains, they jut out of the rough fabric sack.
"You're the Dauntless leaders spawn, right?" Says an obnoxiously loud voice, I proceed to lifting the bag before turning towards its source. "Genie?"
The Amity version of my name is slightly grating from someone who isn't Amity.
Behind me stands the Erudite transfer. Eric was his name and between his boots he kicks the apple back and forth, like he wishes to initiate a game.
"You just leave your trash all over the place?" He asks harshly with an arched brow.
I take in his posture, he's still lanky, taller than me by a more than a few inches. His jaw is beginning to get a little more pronounced, sharper after having trained physically.
He's starting to look a little older, still glaringly Erudite though even without the glasses. Training physically after doing nothing your whole life can change your appearance drastically.
I reply by tapping the side of my nose with my finger twice, before swiping the apple away from his feet with my own boot, and then crushing it.
His expression darkens at my underhanded gesture to how he's a Nose and hopefully he gets my implication that he should keep his out of other people's business.
Especially mine.
"See that one over there?" Kat asks, pointing over at a dainty woman with long blonde hair, a flowing yellow dress and a hideous brown vest. Impossible to miss.
She's an Amity obviously and I already made the connection between her and the transfer by the way he stands near her unhappily. There are two Amity initiates but it is glaringly obvious by color who their accompanying families are.
"That's Jason's mother." She adds. I nod slowly and lean back, pressing my palms into the ground. It is really so obvious she needn't have said.
We sit on the upper level in the Pit, kicking our boots against the concrete, sitting on the edge as we look down on the families filing in for visiting day.
"The tall Candor is Sean." Joseph says taking a seat next to me, he holds a bottle of water out in front of me and Kat takes it without a thank you.
It turns out that the Candor's parents seemed thrilled, even the Amity Female, Mia. Normally the parents of female transfers come crying.
The male Amity transfer gives us a slight wave and his mother beams up at us, I give her a nod because she is familiar, although I can't recognize the babble of smaller blonde children in brown and rusted reds, ducking and weaving through the other families.
Kat waves enthusiastically back to him before getting up to descend into the chaos. I already reminded her several times the rules against relations with them, they are for our own protection, for her protection.
"Over there is Henry." Joseph continues, he motions over to where another initiate is getting clapped on the back by his proud father dressed in Candor colors.
I could've guessed as much. I smooth my brows over with my pointer and thumb then rub my temples.
"Your family isn't coming?" Joseph throws out, behind us.
I scan the rest of the crowds, taking in the lack of any real faction inter-mingling. Unable to find any grays or blues for that matter.
"No." Replies Four, I turn my head and glance sideways at him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.
Abnegation are good at lurking quietly without drawing attention. Their gray is to blend, he cannot blend anymore though, not with all the attention he's brought to himself.
I wonder how many people realize he's the son of the 'deceased' Evelyn Johnson-Eaton and of Marcus Eaton the man that currently represents Abnegation as their leader.
This year may turn out to be a bit different after all.
I hadn't meant to watch him, I wasn't at first till I saw his bewildered expression when visiting day caught him by surprise.
The way he decided hesitantly to come higher up to get away from the families down below.
He leans against the wall in a way that's too tense to seem casual. With eyes that look both cautious but excitable under his thick brows furrowed.
Maybe he would rather be distracted by fear than face the fact that no one came to visit him, or maybe afraid someone would visit.
"Don't fall, Stiff." Says a harsh voice, the Erudite takes a seat at the edge next to me taking the place of Kat, with one knee bent and his arm slung casually over it.
His boot heel starts tapping against the concrete, like ours.
He offers us no greeting and we don't greet him either. I'd wager, had I any points to, that no one from Erudite misses him and the way he glares down at all the families, he doesn't miss them either.
"What're you looking at?" He asks harshly, tilting his head at me with a scowl.
I simply tap the side of my nose in response.