"you know… I can't decide if you are better or worse than my version of Ock!" Peter B. declared as he leapt over yet another of the female Doc Ock's tentacles. "I mean, on one hand you are prettier to look at than him. He's a dumpy thing and I know I shouldn't insult people's looks and we're supposed to be non-judgmental about people's weight… I try to be a good ally, you know?" He twisted in the air, just avoiding another grab by the villain. "That's what the kids still say these days, right? Being an ally? I can't keep up with the latest slang. You know I still have no idea who Baby Gronk is."
Doc Ock merely scoffed and used another of her tentacles to grab a satellite dish and hurl it at him, Peter easily catching it with a few strands of webbing and hurling it right back at her, forcing her to smash it to the ground.
"It doesn't help that I'm surrounded by kids, you know? Half of the spiders I deal with could be my kids if I had gotten laid in high school and my aunt hadn't given me the sex talk. Which, let me tell you, is something I do not want to live through again!" He tilted his head as he landed on door. "Think that's a canon event? I should ask Miguel-"
The villainess tried to smash him right there and Peter leapt over her, firing off some webbing and catching her ankles, tugging hard and causing her to face plant onto the ground.
"But I remember watching the Simpsons and thinking Homer was so pathetic. Old and fat and dumb. And now I'm his age and I realize that he had a right to act like he did at times because dear lord is life tiring!"
"You know Homer was only 29 at the start of the Simpsons, right?" Nathaniel Asgard said as he suddenly popped up beside Peter, firing off some magic at Doc Ock.
"Wait, what?"
"In the first season the idea was that he and Marge got married at 19. Bart is only 10 years old and they got married when she was pregnant with him. So… 29." He shrugged. "Sure, they retconned it so they got married in their mid twenties because the producers and writers realized it was sad that Homer looked that old at 29 but-"
"I am a decade older than Homer Simpsons!?" Peter B. shouted in horror.
"We'll he's 36 now-" "I'M STILL OLDER THAN HOMER SIMPSON?!"
"Is this REALLY the most important thing you should be focusing on?" Doc Ock asked as she fired out all of her tentacles at the conversing heroes. "Because it seems to me you discussing the attributes of some sitcom star is a rather foolish waste of time. Especially when someone as deadly as myself-" Doc Ock went silent when some webbing struck her mouth.
"He's a cartoon character, please show some respect." Peter turned back to Nathaniel. "Are you sure that isn't just something with your dimension?"
"We can check but I'm pretty sure I am correct." He paused, slowly looking Peter over. "How much do you weigh?"
"Uh… 212." "Well, you are okay there," Nathaniel reasoned. "Homer is 239 at his lightest."
Peter decided not to mention that during his darkest moments he was 245. 'Thank god I have my hair at least!' he thought though now all he could imagine in his head was Mayday declaring he should 'eat my shorts'. "Let's focus on taking her down and then go after the Spot."
Nathaniel nodded, thrusting out his hands and sending out orbs of magic at the fuming Doc Ock; the villainess had just managed to rip the webbing from her mouth but was kept from monologuing by needing to focus on their attacks. "Unfortunately this is all just equaling wasted time," he pointed out. "None of these villains are working towards the Spot's plan. Defeating her isn't going to make things harder for the Spot… he will still be going about his mad scheme." Peter nodded; he had realized that very quickly as well. This wasn't like the last time he'd been on Miles' Earth, where the Kingpin had sent his goons at them all so he might get the machine working. No… the Spot had just released every crazy that he could in hopes of distracting them.
'And its working,' he thought before suddenly calling out, "Ock! Listen to me… you are a woman of science, right? Of logic?" He dodged one of her tentacles. "Can we talk logically?" "I can talk logically," she replied as she moved to another building, Nathaniel flying over and Peter easily making the jump over there. "Though considering your discussions about that yellow buffoon I doubt you can." "…okay, so now I'm convinced that you actually did know who Homer Simpson was, you just pretended you didn't so you could look- it doesn't matter." He quickly waved away that thought when he saw Ock getting frustrated once again. "Listen to me… the guy who released you? The Spot? He wants to destroy the entire world. Everything. He has this delusional belief that everyone on this world deserves to die because they mocked him."
That made Ock pause… before narrowing her eyes. "First, how would he even be able to do that? People always talk about destroying the world but they never think about what would be needed in order to do it. The sheer power…" She shook her head. "We don't destroy the world we merely risk altering it. If we detonated every nuke we had maybe… MAYBE… we might manage to destroy the planet. But the science is so utterly sketchy on that and I, quite frankly, don't believe that would happen. Oh, we'd render the planet a burning husk and we'd be gone… but life would return. Vastly different from what we knew but it would return." "And if he could open up a million more portals?" Peter charged, gesturing towards the sky where the Spot was attempting to do that. He swallowed as he saw Miles twisting in the air, trying to dodge the different black circles that kept popping up all around him, threatening to swallow him whole. 'Have to have faith in the kid, have to have faith.' As much as he wanted to race up there and help he knew his assistance would be unwanted. "He begins tearing apart the planet piece by piece, causing its orbit to go out of whack?"
Doc Ock considered that possibility before shaking her head. "No one is that mad." "Even Dr. Ohnn?" Nathaniel asked.
Peter didn't like at all how utterly pale the woman suddenly got.
"Johnathon Ohnn?" she said quietly, slowly lifting her gaze skyward.
"I sense you know him," Nathaniel said.
"I know of him. A loner through and through. He believed that the world was forever out to get him… his ideas were dangerous." She suddenly snapped her gaze to Peter. "You swear it's him." "I swear it. And listen, if you help us out maybe we can cut a deal-" "The world is destroyed and it doesn't matter where I am," Ock declared suddenly, rising up. "Come along, I need to get closer to one of those portals. I want to examine them. Do you have any data already?" Peter glanced dumbly at Nathaniel who merely shook his head. "Sometimes all it takes is one moment to get someone to change."
After a moment Peter shrugged and followed after Ock.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Didn't the Kingpin kill you, tonto?" the Scorpion asked as he lashed out with his tail.
"Maybe a version of me," Prowler declared, easily dodging blade at the end of the Scorpion's robotic appendage. He still found it utterly amusing how far he'd come; a few years back he hadn't been able to dodge Spider-Man when he fired a single strand of webbing at his hand and now he was leaping around the battle field, easily avoiding everything that the Scorpion was sending his way. 'That Stern guy deserved every penny I gave him,' he thought as he remembered the man that had given him the Knock Off Super Soldier formula. 'Hope he found a hat to fit over that head of his.' Outloud he said, "And whoever that was they weren't as good as me." "Which still isn't good enough to face me!" the Scorpion stated as he scurried towards him, Prowler firing off some smoke pellets that would burn the man's eyes and make his skin itch. His costume was insolated which would protect him and he hoped to get in quick when the man became blind and disabled-
The Scorpion roared and continued to charge on.
"Aw shit," Prowler muttered before firing off a cable, latching onto a fire escape and yanking himself just out of Scorpion's grasp.
When all Hell had broken loose Prowler had been, well, prowling. He was supposed to keep watch on his section of New York, making sure he confronted the Spot if he decided to port there. He had NOT been expecting the mad bastard to open up every cell in what felt like the country and unleash a bunch of messed up super villains upon him.
He shook his head as he caught sight of some old fuck flying around in a green costume, cackling about how he would feast on their youth. His Vulture at least looked stylish as fuck; the Vulture he had just seen looked like he should be at the bingo hall talking about how they used to tie onions to their belts for that was the style at the time.
Then there was the Scorpion. He remembered the Scorpion… a bit too intense for his tastes but still a far more down to earth dude than the half machine man he was currently fighting. He at least had his legs.
"What is even up with this world?" he muttered to himself as Scorpion moved to strike him again. "Did they go to the 'try too hard' school of design?" He honestly was afraid of what his counterpart had looked like… he knew he had one, Miles had admitted as much, and he was afraid this world's Prowler looked like some 80s Wrestler wearing some fake African Tribal shit and smashing a spear against the ground before proclaiming he was doing it 'For the people'. "I swear…" he muttered.
"You will swear!" Scorpion roared as he came at him again, climbing right up the wall like he was taking a jog through the park. "And you will cry! And you will beg!" With each declaration the Scorpion lashed out at him with his pincers, Prowler leaping away once more. "And you will die all the same!"
Prowler turned to fire off more gas pellets only for another figure to slam down into the Scorpion, sending the both of them crashing into the street. Prowler looked down and realized that it was Hunter-Spider, the supposed criminal who became a Spider-Man.
'God, there better not be a version of me with web powers. I do not need to deal with that!'
"You interfered in a fight you should have left alone, bastardo!" the Scorpion declared as he got back to his… feet? What did one call the tips of a bunch of spindles?
"You know," Hunter-Spider said slowly, considering the Scorpion with a dry, almost bored gaze, "I have traveled much of the multiverse. Seen the infinite possibilities. Worlds where Spider-Man and Kraven the Hunter worked side by side, like brothers. Or son and father. I seen worlds where it was the cackling Goblin who become the Spider, his mind cleared and his path made visible as he worked towards redemption. I have seen Doctor Doom bitten by the Spider and fight against his demons to become the hero that world needed; perhaps not a hero any of us would wish for… but a hero none the less. I have seen criminal, monster, and maniac all manage to become heroes with the powers of the Spider." "And what does this have to do with me?" Scorpion asked. "Tell me you aren't trying to get me to change my ways, imbecile."
"Do you just randomly decide to pepper your sentences with Spanish words?" Prowler asked. "I mean… are you even Spanish at all or is this a Rachel Dolezal thing? You identify as Hispanic?"
Hunter-Spider spoke up before the Scorpion could respond. "No… I don't expect you to change your ways. Because I have seen much of the Multiverse and on every Earth I go to one fact remains the same: the Scorpion is a pathetic waste of flesh." The Scorpion growled low at that.
"Never the boss. Never the leader. He is always the lackey that needs to be directed. There is no brain in that head of his and as such he needs all the rest of the world to guide him. You wouldn't know what to do with the powers of the Spider-Man if you suddenly received them. Most likely… you'd fall flat on your face-" The Scorpion screamed… something… and charged forward, claws cracking and snapping and tail darting out to try and stab Hunter-Spider through the chest. But the large muscular Spider easily dodged, leaping over the Scorpion so that he ended up crashing into a building. The Scorpion tried again but Hunter-Spider once more avoided him, twisting his body so that he slipped past him and this time he drew a knife and jabbed it into the joint of one of his legs, causing the limb to stall and become dead weight. That caused Scorpion to lurch and nearly fall but he quickly caught himself, turning to face Hunter-Spider only for the man to leap up and throw a bolo at him, the ends smacking the villain right in the face.
"Your gas! Now!" Hunter-Spider shouted and Prowler fired off more pellets. But rather than let them hit Hunter-Spider shot out some webbing, sticking them to the strand that he then pulled back, gathered in his hands, and then launched right at the Scorpion's chest. The cyborg screamed as it struck and the pellets exploded against his chest, leaving a nasty looking burn that even had Prowler wincing in pain. Hunter-Spider moved again, drawing another knife and driving it into where the villain's pincer met his fleshy arm, causing a shower of oil and sparks that made the Scorpion lurch violently. Prowler threw out more bolos, which wrapped around two of the legs on the left side, making the Scorpion finally lose the battle to remain upright and crash to the ground.
Before either of them could react though Night-Spider suddenly landed on the Scorpion, almost casually tossing several small discs at him. Prowler had no idea what they were but there were sparks and then the villain's tail and remaining pincer went stiff before slamming hard to the ground, the low rumble of grinding gears and freezing up pistons filling the air before there was silence.
Night-Spider gave them a cocky little wave before she fired off a webline and disappeared back into the battles raging all around them.
"Kill stealing vulture," Hunter-Spider snarled.
"Actually I think the Vulture is the old dude," Prowler said, pointing to the flying figure in the sky… right before a crimson-skinned T-Rex with black horns and a figure dressed like they were a roller derby contestant suddenly slammed down on top of him, causing him to disappear from view. "Well, I mean he WAS the old dude. The name might be available now…"
The Scorpion growled and snarled, reminding him that he was still there, but looking down it was clear to Prowler that the fight was out of him. All he could do now was lie there on the ground like a fish that had been dragged up onto the shore, unable to even flop about in an attempt to get back into the water.
"You know," Prowler said casually, "I don't go into killing… a line I don't cross. But…" he gave a casual shrug.
Hunter-Spider slowly drew out another knife.
"Oh," Prowler said after a moment. "Ah… but maybe you DO cross that line then."
"I have… many times." "Cool. Cool cool cool." He gave a shrug. "Then you have at it. Not gonna have me stopping you."
He turned and began to walk away… but then found his feet slowly coming to a stop and, almost against his will, he found himself turning to watch as Hunter-Spider grabbed the Scorpion by the jaw, forcing his head up as he brought the knife down towards his throat.
"I have killed many men," Hunter-Spider said. "I have slaughtered many villains that threatened my city… and I have killed many heroes who simply wanted to stop my bloodshed. I have no batted an eye over these things… I did what I needed to do. I do not mourn their deaths and I gave them better and more noble ends than they gave others. Tell me, Scorpion, how many innocents have pleaded with you when you had them on the ground, right where you now lay? Told you of the ones that needed them? The families that loved them? The friends that would miss them? How many tear filled eyes did you stare into as you held their existence in your pincers." He paused, eyes slowly narrowing. "Or… did you never even bother to listen?"
"If you are going to kill me… get it over with," Scorpion stated. "Hell is a lot better than your sanctimonious-" Hunter-Spider drove the handle of his knife into the man's throat, causing him to gag and cough before he violently slammed his head down onto the ground. Prowler merely watched on as the Spider slowly turned the man's head up, blood gushing from his shattered nose and bubbling from his lips.
"Sometimes man must step back and let nature decide," Hunter-Spider said simply, staring Prowler down. Prowler looked at the Scorpion, the blood beginning to run down his throat, his breathing utterly labored after the strike to his neck… and nodded.
"Yeah… yeah I can live with that." He nodded skyward. "Come on, we got more of these idiots to deal with." Hunter-Spider nodded and the two took to the skies once more.