Chapter 27: Sunset Sunrise
Sleep was strange for me this night. Instead of nightmares or the blackness that is a dreamless sleep, I found Mapleshade waiting for me in what appeared to be a grassy clearing. The clearing was washed with a sunset red, backlighting Mapleshade's form. She looked happy to see me.
"You miss me kit? I've been watching your little trip so far, and it looks like you've found what you were looking for." She mewed, gesturing for me to sit beside her.
I of course did. There was nothing else here to do. Faintly in the distance, I could see the cliffs and the ocean. The sun was slowly sinking into the water, giving a brief flash of colors before it vanished beyond sight. It was beautiful to see and helped push the trauma the previous day brought down. I glanced over at her, taking in that she seemed to be enjoying the sight as much as I had.
Eventually, I couldn't help voicing something. "You usually aren't all that keen on interfering . Is there a reason you decided to help me this night?" I queried.
Mapleshade let out a sigh. "Sorry kit. I'm just used to being an observer. Smudgefoot never really needed my help all that much besides the occasional rumor or scouting. It worked for us. I'd get to explore the waking world, and he'd get the latest news around the forest. I assumed you'd want the same. I was waiting for you to request something. I'm used to taking orders by now. The only real reason I interfered this night is both that you experienced a near death experience and Smudgefoot asked me to check up on you."
That left me with many questions. Was Mapleshade comforting me out of kindness or obligation? Did both of us misunderstand the bond that we formed? If so, how did it need to change? Maybe I needed to be the one to reach out a paw first and found a better connection.
"What… What did dying feel like?" I asked, trying to connect what I just felt with Mapleshade's experience.
"Honestly, it was simultaneously the worst thing I ever experienced, and yet, it wasn't near as bad as I'd have expected it to be. It was a low aching pain that dragged on, sapping my energy and will to continue. The moment I gave up, it swung into an unexplainable agony that lasted less time than it takes to blink. Then I was in the Dark Forest. From there, the real torture began. You'd think it was the starvation or the thirst that would get to you, but it isn't You can get used to those. It's the isolation that nearly broke me. I got incredibly lucky that I happened upon Smudgefoot after Starclan was a bit too careless, and now I have you. I may not be that social of a cat anymore, but just getting the chance to watch and participate is more than enough for me, more than I deserve." She mewed, seemingly genuinely happy to have met us, but that last bit soured the mood. "I mean, I know I'm an evil cat. I murdered in the name of revenge, but I kind of hoped that in the end it would just be nothing, that I'd somehow just cease to exist. Instead, I'm here, and I have no idea what happened to my kits. I don't even remember what they look like. What an abysmal mother I was." Mapleshade ranted with tears beginning to spill down her face.
I needed to comfort her somehow. I just said the first thing that came to mind. "The fact that you killed for them means that you weren't a terrible mother. Sure, you made a bad choice that got worse with a bit of bad luck, but you had good intent at the time. You meant for your kits to live and have full lives. They weren't just tools to elevate your position or force your will. You even loved your ex, believing that your love was enough to unite the two clans. What I'm meaning to say is that you meant well even if it all fell apart. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of Starclan's need to divide the dead into something as nebulous as the good and the bad. There's too many that toe the line and get tossed across because they leaned a little too far one way."
Mapleshade let out a chuckle. "You're definitely Smudgefoot's kit. Don't get me wrong. I'm not comparing you two, but you two are the only ones who look at the world and forest and say, I'm not happy with this. I'll change it. Only someone of your family would critique Starclan with such conviction, and I'm honestly both impressed and inspired. Maybe it's time I go banging on Starclan's border demanding something for those of us with good behavior. Won't that get their tails in a twist." She mewed with a giggle.
"How's Father doing anyways?" I asked, deciding to change topics.
Mapleshade's face flattened at the question. "Things aren't going well back at the clans. The Treecut place is just gone. They can't go there anymore. Instead, giant monsters churn the earth, turning it into some kind of wasteland. Windclan caught the worst of it. Their territory has already been halved by the monsters. The monsters haven't done much to Shadowclan yet. So far, there's only been some Twolegs planting their border markers, which we've figured out is how far the monsters will go until they finish up whatever they're doing. Finally, there's Riverclan. They appear to be untouched, but Smudgefoot convinced them to send scouts upstream. It turned out his intuition was right. The Twolegs were doing something upstream. They're making something. Smudgefoot thinks they mean to divert the river, giving their monsters access to Riverclan's territory. We can all tell the forest is dying. We won't be able to stop them. Whatever that Midnight claims, we won't be winning a fight with the Twolegs. I hope you get a good answer out of her because this might just be the end of the clans. I hope it isn't, even if it's for my self-preservation. Starclan's power is fading as more of the forest is destroyed. Even the few of us in the Dark Forest who manage to find one another are looking for means to somehow save the clans. If Starclan goes, then we are bound to as well. If one of them finds you while we're still in trouble, then they might be willing to help. They're selfish, but wanting to survive is a selfish enough reason to cooperate." Mapleshade explained.
Our chat seemed to have run long since I could feel the sun starting to warm my back in this dream. It began to fade out as I was called back to the waking world.