Thorin began to walk across the market towards the large stall.
"Now you can't go rushing in laddie..." Balin quietly halted him with a hand on his shoulder.
Thorin spun back around, now seething at the thought of how his very own wife might have begged this man to help her run away! His mind imagined how Thorongil may have not only travelled with her but also slept in the same room out of need to keep her and their children safe! Might he have even spied her unclothed...? Perhaps in the dark hours when she slept. He had seen his sons play and even train with Thorongil while he stayed in Erebor!
"I expect you have worked it out now -" Balin confessed quietly.
"You knew?!" Thorin spat out shaking off his friends arm.
"Now Thorin, I did not know for certain, but the thought crossed my mind. Although you inspected the wagon, so I cannot understand how she did it..." Balin offered in comfort.
"Then why did you not say anything to me Balin?"
"Because there were many things I noticed about her in the last year that you did not..." Balin replied sadly. "Like how she had begun to grow a sadness about her that nothing seemed to lift. Or how her world had become your children, while you worried about the nobility...and what they thought of you and your family -"
"But I want them to succeed -"
"Och laddie, those boys are special and would succeed even outside of the court of Erebor. Just like I imagine they do now. And your little lass...is already clever and has a way with people that draws anyone in and keeps them captive, I do not imagine she would require much assistance either..." Balin smiled fondly as he clearly pictured them in his head. "You have always been happy to see what you wish, and ignore what you do not. It was like that even with your grandfather for so long. Even after your grandmother had withered away and given up competing for his attention after the Arkenstone. He could still do no harm in your eyes, laddie."
"You still could have told me, Balin." Thorin fisted his hands by his side.
"And what good would it have done? You would have held her prisoner within your apartment? Your very own bed slave?" Balin spoke bitterly. "I thought your interests lay in pleasing your great aunt and getting to know Lady Lana...you were after all shutting her out quietly. I think she too escaped to permit you that freedom to explore the idea of another life...with another lass..."
"But I do not want that! I never have!" Thorin had no doubt about that in his heart. Of course he found all the attention flattering. He was an older dwarf now and to still hold such admiration made him feel he was not too withered to stand by his younger wife. Particularly not when she had so many ardent supporters like this ranger or Imli and even his very own nephew who he imagined would gladly take his place in her bed if given the chance!
"We could not see that, lad," Balin shook his head sadly at the mess that had become of it all. "You have obsessed about her fidelity for sometime now. You yourself claimed she had unusual favour from the Valar of the Seas.."
Thorin looked down at his hands. His cousin was right. He had stopped him from rushing in to things many times throughout his life.
"Your problem lay in your need for such validation... If I had any idea that you felt this way I would have intervened sooner. But I fear her mind is set now and it will only make things worse if you rush in angered."
"Do you think she does not love me any longer?" Thorin asked, displaying a moment of weakness.
"She always loved you, lad. Even through her melancholy, it was only you or your children that could truly bring a smile to her face - I could see that and so could your sister, who begrudgingly accepted her...I imagine she will always love you..." Balin spoke sadly. In some ways it was entirely selfish to pull her back when she was seeking out her freedom and he was now an accomplice in this matter. The least he could do now was to warn Thorin of repeating his mistakes. "But you will lose her if you go in there raging. You will need to give her space and freedom now, just as she has done with you..."
Suddenly Thorin seemed to visibly deflate, with his anger turning to sadness that was, for once visible on his usually stony face.
"I will not leave here without her, Balin." He managed quietly, recalling how he had once threatened to burn the entirety of Middle Earth down to seek her out if she ever left him.
"Remember though laddie, and I say this just as much your advisor, as I do her adopted brother; if you are rash you will ruin this. And I would support her if she wishes to end your contract of marriage."
Thorin quirked an eyebrow at the dwarf in surprise.
"Aye, she told me all those many moons ago about their dissolution of marriage in her lands. It is a custom amongst their people to respectfully end a marriage if they feel it cannot be resolved," Balin brushed his beard thoughtfully. "At first I did not agree, for I have never heard of a dwarf who found his one and let go other than due to death...but she has a way..."
"- Of convincing those around her..." Thorin completed Balin's sentence.
"Aye. And her reasoning was sound, after all she was a child of man, and I was uncertain whether she would be accepted by our people. She herself was uncertain about whether you would love her still, even after the quest and whether she may wish to return home..." Balin confessed, with a sad look about his eyes. "And in truth by this stage after our many conversations on dwarven law and her own legal system, which has some rather interesting points, I had grown fond of her."
"Oh Balin! She had you wrapped around her finger," Thorin began to suspect just where this was leading now. "Was this before we reached Lake town?"
Balin appeared to pause a little worried now before answering.
"Aye lad."
"It is no wonder you and Dwalin had no hesitation in suggesting that she could be your sister," Thorin groaned, now dreading what Balin had done. "Please tell me you did not amend the Zarb to suit her...?"
Balin paused again, pulling his lips together sheepishly for a moment without answering.
"Balin?" Thorin pressed again.
"Aye, Thorin. But you did not even look. All you were concerned for was that she accepted your hand as your wife, that you would provide for her and that she would be legally bound to share your bed, your chambers and act in her duty as your wife." Balin rolled his eyes. "All that remained in tact."
"Aye after we took out bits she refused such as to obey me -"
"And I included a...'loop hole' as her people state in their laws, which would allow the party entering the contract to have a claus to exit the contract without forfeit." Balin looked at him again sheepishly, although he was secretly glad he permitted her this. He also recalled that she had once said there would be a conflict of interest in having a single lawyer represent both parties as it would not be fair.
Thorin merely groaned at the thought. He had hoped he could use her broken commitment to convince her of her wrongdoing and force her hand to returning back to him. He had then planned to slowly soften her anger over time after her had returned her back to Erebor. After all he knew she could never stay angry at him for long, particularly if he could satisfy her in their bed. She had called it 'make-up sex' and it was often an act of partial anger for her, which meant that she treated him a little rough then. But any sort of lovemaking with her was something he could never have enough of.
Now with Balin's 'loop hole' he had lost his entire plan!
He was then distracted anew by the movement of the tent flap. As he watched Thorongil emerged once again but this time he was accompanied by another dwarf! Imli!
"That snake!" Thorin hissed, balling his fists at his side. "He has always hankered after my wife! Salivating after her like an adolescent who had never seen a female before - she is certainly in there, Balin! I should go there and -"
"Hold it laddie!" Balin repeated firmly again holding his shoulder. "You smell of our travels... Which have been far from pleasant..."
Balin shuddered thinking of their encounter with the women.
"If she sees you like this, snarling like a warg and smelling like an orc...it will readily drive her into the arms of anyone else waiting for her..." Balin attempted to explain calmly, like he was soothing a wild beast. "Think about it. Let us get some rest and get cleaned up and present yourself as the handsome and charming Heir of Durin, that she fell in love with."
Thorin who was ready to go charging in suddenly seemed to calm down at his words looking down at his own dishevelled state before turning back.
"Very well..." He nodded to Balin, a strategy beginning to form in his head. "Let us find an inn, and a tailor. It seems we will have to present ourselves in Gondor to Ecthelion after all..."
Thorin cast a final glance over his shoulder at the Imli and Thorongil who seemingly both stood outside the tent now smoking their pipes and in conversation.
He felt a mixture of anger and sadness at this all but he was King of Erebor and would bear it all with the majesty that he had been trained for from a young age... If she wanted space, then he too could play hard to get.
...
"Aye, Lord Thorongil, that is him..." Imli could barely concentrate on his pipe. "Although it appears his journey here had been as eventful as yours..."
"Take another puff, Lord Imli, or he will notice your inattention." Thorongil warned.
"I cannot focus, for I fear he will charge in here..."
"Nay, he looks like he is considering his plan of attack..." Thorongil blew out another puff of smoke. "You are not alone in falling foul. If you recall, I helped her escape. So he will bear greater wrath towards me if anything."
"I kissed her." Imli blurted out, nervously tapping the pommel of his sword.
His confession made Thorongil almost choke on his next drag of smoke, but he managed to minimise his coughing before turning to view the dwarf in a wholly new light.
"You sneaky rake."
"Well I kissed her twice, actually," Imli couldn't help the softness in his features as he recalled it. "Once she was distressed when she first began to rebuild Erebor and carried the Princes. I imagine it was a moment of her own weakness but it was the most heavenly thing I have ever known... And the second time was when I was sure to die in the infirmary, when she saved me with her healing. I asked if she would kiss a dying dwarf..."
"You do know that her heart belongs to him, do you not, my Lord Imli?" Thorongil quietly asked, pitying the dwarf, for he too had felt the pain of unrequited love as he thought of his very own beautiful Luthien.
"Aye, my Lord. But a heart is something we rarely can tame..." Imli sighed sadly. "For she has ruined any other female for me now...and I fear I shall die unwed..."
Thorongil stood for a moment tapping out his pipe, satisfied that Thorin was not going to approach them.
"What do you think he plans to do?"
"Well in our custom the husband has the right to demand that she returns back to him..." Imli explained sadly. "But I doubt she has any such intention for now."
"It seems a shame, he is well suited to her and she certainly makes a fine queen..." Thorongil confessed.
"If I were him, I would beg at her feet, but he is an arrogant dwarf. It will not be in his nature," Imli scowled. "No he will try to force her hand to him..."
"So what must we do?" Thorongil sighed.
"We are her supporters -"
"We should stay out of their intimate lives." Thorongil reminded the dwarven Lord.
"It is a little too late for that isn't it, my lord Thorongil?" Imli gave the ranger a sidelong look. "No. We must help her. She will need to look a Queen of Arda so that he knows she does not pine for him..."
"You know she intends to return to her home land, should we succeed in helping her?"
"But her homeland is so very far from here..." Imli suddenly began to worry. He knew she would never be his, but had hoped she would remain in his life forever more.
"Aye."
Imli thought for a while longer. She had indeed been less dressed when he saw her this time and disinterested in being dressed by Seren for the upcoming feast. In fact she had seemed disinterested for some time now. And it began to dawn on him that she missed her home now. After all Erebor had not been entirely welcoming towards their queen. It suddenly made his heart ache for her more.
"Then we must have him fall at her feet. For that, she will still need to be dressed up. He will surely now present himself to Ecthelion and therefore attend the feast. We must make sure he sees what he misses just as he feels it," Imli tapped out the half smoked pipe weed from his pipe and put it away. "We male folk are after all visual creatures and enjoy taking in a beautiful femme..."
Thorongil sighed. He had yet another worry now.
"At least our one advantage remains that he believes we have not seen him yet..." Imli continued as he ducked back inside Seren's tent.
"This does not bode well, my friend." Thorongil muttered under his breath as he followed.
...
Balin stood beside Thorin, in the corridor outside Ecthelions study observing the heavy wooden carvings on the many panels throughout the walls.
"This is not the wisest plan, Thorin," he glanced over at his cousin's regal face, set with utter determination.
"Aye, I realise this, but we cannot avoid it, Balin," Thorin answered. He had considered all possibilities before reaching this point. "If we do not announce ourselves properly he will be more suspicious... We will need our wits about us."
"It would be easier if you simply spoke to the lass..."
"She chose to avoid talking a long time ago." He grunted. "The only advantage we hold is that she has no idea we are here...none of them do, so they cannot aid her escape and disappearence again."
"What if Ecthelion suspects something?"
"I cannot imagine he already does not." Thorin concluded. "But at least we can gain more information this way. Any advantage I shall take...already I have discovered that she travels with a ranger, a nanny and another dwarf...he was not described by the servants as I would expect of Imli..."
"Aye...?" Balin listened curiously. "And would it upset you if Imli did travel with her?"
Thorin did not reply to that. He knew how the young dwarf felt towards his wife. And he knew she had kissed him once. He could also not remove the image he had of the two of them dancing at the last grand masked ball they had held in Erebor. He didn't need to cloud his mind with jealousy in this moment.
"In fact the dwarf travelling with her refers to himself as her brother..." Thorin raised his eyebrows. "Were you aware of this?"
"Not entirely, although King Thengel wrote to thank us for the bravery of our Queen and her dwarven warrior who helped overcome a terrible attack by the Wild Men...so I began to suspect he had found his way there..." Balin admitted. "I simply did not think it was prudent to present simple suspicions when our focus was elsewhere. Besides which he reported that she had left for her onwards travel in his same communication, and had stated he did not know where they were continuing to..."
"That information would have helped earlier, Balin." He viewed his cousin with a hint of contempt this time.
"By the time I received this raven, the decision to journey to Gondor had already been made..." Balin shrugged his shoulders. Legally as Thorin's advisor he was entirely in the right with his decisions and he knew that his King was aware of this too.
"Well I command that you do not withhold any information from me again in future," Thorin gave him a disapproving look. "Here after I require ALL the information you are in receipt of with regards to HER... and anything else I ask of."
"Very well..." Balin replied with a bow of his head. There were still things he knew that he was not ready to share yet. When the time came he would call it a conflict of interest.
Thorin quirked his eyebrow at his cousin, uncertain still whether he was in receipt of suspicions he was not sharing as yet, but before he could ask, the door to Ecthelions study opened and the steward of Gondor invited them in with a bow.
"Your Highness, it is an honour," he smiled as they entered his large study. "Of course we were of the understanding that you were unable to join your consort..."
"Yes, I promised her that I would arrive to journey to the harbour with her. But I imagine she was unsure whether I would be able to," Thorin replied, his face unreadable as usual. "We are grateful for your hospitality towards my family."
Ecthelion seemed to pause silently as if calculating in his mind what he planned to do next.
"She has travelled a great distance with little protection...I was uncertain at first if she had in fact absconded from your halls," Ecthelion spoke the words watching both dwarves carefully. "A suspicion which even King Thengel's wife bore..."
Apparently he was intent on revealing his true thoughts to see whether either the Ereborian King or his advisor would flinch at these allegations.
"It is a valid worry, but as you can see we too have travelled without a great entourage," Thorin explained, maintaining his mask like expression. "Often a well guarded row of caravans can become a target for that very reason: The interest in what treasures might be guarded. No, Lord Steward, following ample discussion, it was considered safest that she traveled in cognito."
"Well, our Queen is not entirely alone. Her brother, King Thorins best warrior and General of his armies travels with her," Balin smiled as he casually glanced around the room which was filled with shelves from floor to ceiling of books, obviously none of which Ecthelion would have read considering how hard he appeared to be taxing his brain just with this encounter. "And Lord Thorongil, who is one of King Thengel's best warriors and counsel."
"She has also been joined by her dear confidante, Lord Imli," Ecthelion emphasised watching the Dwarf King closely again. "He is well known to our court because of his tradesmen and investments in some of our people...but of course, we have never been graced with his presence in person until now."
"I imagine, he too may have travelled to Minas Tirith more than you think, prior to this, without announcing himself," Thorin countered again in a matter of fact manner, taking care to make himself sound bored by the conversation, so that he appeared unconcerned by this. But he was sure he would want to find a good brawl at an inn tonight to rid himself of his thoughts after this.
"Yes...well...Unfortunately your consort's apartments do not have any further rooms, so we would have to arrange to move them all if you wish to share her bed chambers..." Ecthelion suggested, again as he watched Thorin and Balin for any signs of discord. "But I imagine you would wish for time with her after all these months apart...?"
"I do not wish to cause undue trouble to our children after they have settled into their apartment." Thorin responded again keeping his face completely neutral to the matter. "Besides which Balin and I have some work to complete, which would be better done away from our little ones. I thank you again, Lord Ecthelion, but we will be happy to be permitted a separate apartment...preferably with my own bed chambers, where my queen may join me..."
"So then the rumours about you seeking out a mistress are -"
"Entirely unfounded, and as Kings legal Counsel, I must clarify such rumours to be defamatory." Balin was quick to step in this time.
"Forgive me, your Highness, it was not my intention to insult you," Ecthelion mumbled, apparently somewhat disappointed. "Your Consort has already agreed to remain with us until the Spring Festivities are concluded. And I will hope that you will stay also? It would be a great honor to host the King of Erebor."
"The honour is entirely ours," Thorin tilted his head in gratitude as he spoke. Now he would need to prepare for his first encounter with HER in a long time: he wanted her to recall what she had been missing.
...
"This is a lot of fuss over my clothing and hair isn't it?" She complained as they finally set off. Imli had joined them and waited with Thorongil and Dwalin in the living room while she had dressed the children and then finally herself. "I really have no desire for this nonsense anymore. I am not in Erebor now, and don't need to worry about impressing the nobles for Thorin anymore..."
Except when she had emerged, they had all insisted that she wore something more than a simple formal gown. To her annoyance this had included Lola, who had just mere moments agreed with her choice.
"Your other dress just wasn't looking so great..." Lola pursed her lips. "You are after all our Queen, and should present yourself as such..."
"Still this is rather low cut isn't it? I mean what if I have to pick up Seraeya?" She looked down at herself again. "What if I have a wardrobe malfunction...?"
"But your dress is out of your wardrobe now..." Imli began only to blush as he watched her assess her neckline, which did indeed expose more of the tops of her breasts than she had done before. He had forgotten that this particular one he had encouraged Seren to make for her had obviously been because he had been carried away in the moment. But she looked very much a siren dressed in it.
"Well, as soon as dinner is over, we will be returning with the children. So you need not worry about that," Lola confirmed. She too had been secretly informed about Thorin when she had left to allow Shobha to get ready, so she had made a fuss of pinning her hair up to match afterwards. It had broken her heart to watch her friend pine over Thorin's callousness and miss her home for some moons now before they had finally left Erebor. And so she wanted Thorin to feel a loss of what he was missing.
They entered the Grand dining hall where most of Ecthelion's court was seated now. And suddenly the chatter stopped for a few moments of silence.
The immediate discomfort she felt of having such an open neckline faded into the sea of eyes that awaited her.
"I am not sure I want to do this. Can we just go back and have food in our rooms?" She whispered, nervously.
"But Mama, you look beautiful..." Arun spoke softly from behind. "And we are here..."
"Aye, in the image of Yavanna herself," Thrain agreed quietly as he eyed the food laid out on the table. "And they have laid out a feast..."
"Ecthelion may suspect something if we do not attend," Thorongil stood to one side of her now reassuringly. "You have my arm, my lady..."
"Actually, my Lord Thorongil, permit me," Imli pushed his way past Dwalin now to stand beside her and offer his arm instead. "It is no different to dancing with me at the masked ball, last year...let us join them for an hour merely for food, and then retire. I will be by your side always..."
He smiled gently at her, standing patiently with his arm out for her to take. His blue eyes were kind and reassuring in a way that made her feel safe. This was the dwarf who had found her wandering lost in the tunnels and held her when she had felt so broken then, who had asked for a kiss when he thought he was breathing his last. She took his arm, with a nod and he seemed to stand a little prouder.
They all then carried on into the hall down the aisle as the ushers guided them up to the head table.
And then the crowds of guests had apparently begun to converse again quietly as they finally reached the head table, where Ecthelion himself bowed his head in acknowledgement.
They had all been seated on one side of the table together and she had been given a central seat. The Steward had clearly wanted her on display for his guests but had not been so obvious as to seat her beside him as he had done before.
As they began to take their seats, and in particular seat the children in between themselves, Ecthelion had even joined them very briefly before returning to his seat.
Slowly as she scanned the table, her eyes found two other dwarves. They were seated not far from them, and talking to some ladies in court they had been seated beside.
The dwarf further away she immediately recognised for his fluffy white beard as Balin, and then suddenly her heart began to race.
Holding her breath she focussed on the dwarf beside Balin without staring. With his broad frame, dark hair and chiseled features, it was clearly Thorin! But he remained turned away from her and in deep conversation with a blonde noblewoman!
Her heart raced, and her stomach felt sick as she attempted to catch her breath, cursing the dangers of this low cut dress, where her breasts threatened to spill out if she inhaled too deeply!
"My Lady, would you like me to push your chair in..?" Imli asked attentively from beside her. He had remained unseated until she had settled in.
"Imli...Thorongil..." She whispered to them as she adjusted her dress to take her seat. "He is here..."
She wasn't sure what to say. After all these months, she had expected he had moved on.
She had hurt his feelings after keeping her secret, and then she had run away, leaving just a note. Of course the sensible part of her brain had clarified that even if she had attempted to speak to him, he probably wouldn't have listened anyway.
"Perhaps he is here to reconcile..." Thorongil attempted to reassure her.
"Well, he should beg for your forgiveness and nothing less..." Imli muttered before observing her then. "My Lady why does it worry you so...?"
"Well...no...maybe..." She focussed on her seat when Balin had come over to them.
"Brother! You are looking wider for your travels!" Balin smiled cheekily at Dwalin, who grasped his brother fondly before bringing their heads together in firm greeting.
"Och brother, not so wide as you! But certainly taller!" Dwalin chuckled quietly. "You've got some colour in yer cheek though. Did ya get some action on the journey here, you sly dog? A nice comely lass...with a plump bosom I bet...?"
"If I did it was not willingly..." Balin blushed, keeping his eyes away from the rest of the group so he didn't find their reactions.
"It makes ya look healthier! Ye should roll in the hay more often -"
"Our dear sister...it is wonderful to see you..." Balin quickly moved to her in an attempt to change the dreadful subject. If only Dwalin knew the full ordeal he had been through! There would be absolutely no more romps with lasses for him for a long time: Celibacy was firmly and very happily on his cards for a good long while! In fact he was not even certain, he would have the urge to see to himself for many many moons yet!
"Balin...I am sorry I did not thank you for everything you had done for me before I left..." She confessed guiltily. It had been her one regret leaving as she had done.
"Och lassie, I understand," Balin offered quietly as he wrapped his arms around her in a gentle embrace. "I too am sorry that I did not speak honestly with you sooner. Nor that I did not speak up for you. And am sorry you have not made your way home yet..."
She pulled away then to find the glisten of tears in his eyes.
"It has proved to be a little bit of a difficult journey..." She whispered, scared to look over to where Thorin sat now, for surely he was not going to be happy.
"What ever you need from me, as a son of Fundin, and your brother, I am here..." Balin whispered patting her shoulder before returning back to his seat.
When she finally settled down in her seat, she glanced over at where Thorin sat, only to find him still turned away and in conversation with the same lady.
Her heart ached all over again for seeing him, it reminded her of all those months when he had ignored her entirely. It was clear he had no intention of speaking with her, but there was no need to torment her, just as she had started to breathe again.
"Let me drop a little wine in your goblet of water," Imli offered gently from beside her. "It will help calm your nerves..."
"I really just want to go, Imli," she took a sip of his mixture. She wanted to cry again. She wanted to be on Ulmo's shores.
"I cannot tell you that the heart feels anything less over time, once it has fallen in love," Imli offered quietly beside her. "If he is ignoring you, then it is because he is being a stubborn fool."
Hearing his words made her feel a pang of guilt. All this time she had kissed him but never thought anything of Imli other than a bachelor dwarf enjoying his freedom. He was after all incredibly handsome and clearly sought after by ladies of many races: even Seren had clearly enjoyed at least a few nights in his bed from the familiarity she had shown him!
"I am sorry..." She spoke quietly, poking her food with her fork, entirely disinterested in roast vegetables.
"What for, my lady...? I have unashamedly begged for your soft lips, not too long ago, and you were kind enough to permit me...just being here next to you, even having your friendship and attention is enough for me..." His smile was genuine, as was his apparent contentment.
"Do you not want your own wife and children...? I am sorry, was that rude of me to ask...?" She set her fork down and placed her hand on his apologetically.
"Not at all my lady...it is simply how we dwarves are sometimes. And I am glad to be here for you," he looked up at her, surprised by her touch but enjoying it all the same. "Even Thorin himself had no interest in a wife for many, many years...I can only hope that someday I am fortunate to find my own version of Yavanna. But until then, I am all yours..."
His blue eyes twinkled as he smiled softly at her. His chiseled features looked sharper in the soft glow of the candlelight from the dinner table.
"Thank you..." She breathed out with ease for the first time since taking her seat there. "For your kindness..."
"I would kiss your hand, my lady - and don't look now, but our King is not as unconcerned about your associations as he pretends," Imli whispered leaning in closer. "I am glad he feels this way...for I really hope you change your mind about returning to your home...your absence will be like a winter that lasts forever."
He looked at his goblet this time, feeling a little more shy about his confession. And she too remained silent for a moment, unsure how to respond to him.
She had never imagined he had felt so strongly about her.
"I...never knew you felt this way, Lord Imli..."
"I am not alone in my sentiments, my lady...Lady Mara, met me in secret to disclose that you had left, for she didn't wish to write in case her letters were intercepted. And she misses you so dearly," he wrapped his fingers around the stem of his goblet turning it slowly to keep himself from drowning in her eyes as she sat beside him. "Even Lola and Dwalin would give up their comfortable lives in Erebor to be with you..."
She felt the sharp sting of his words. In some ways he was not wrong. She had no idea what may have changed or how much time had passed back home or what was waiting for her there if she returned.
He now watched her as she shuffled her fork on the plate, her appetite lost long ago.
"You had no intention of returning to the Lonely Mountain, did you...?" He wondered as he watched her. "I imagine you miss your family terribly...and I know you are not mine to make such demands...and even if you stayed you would not be mine...but I would rather be your friend, if I cannot have your love, than not have your presence at all..."
He sounded pained as he spoke these words, which made her ache even more.
"Forgive me, Lord Imli," she managed after a long pause. "I am just so tired right now. Reaching Erebor was a battle - quite literally; rebuilding it was a struggle; even giving birth to our children was an ordeal - and they are the most precious things I have in this world besides those I love, like you...I just want to see my parents. And maybe, see my old home and city once more...something that isn't a struggle, maybe."
"My Lady, LIFE herself is a struggle." He whispered, turning towards her and picking up her free hand again. "Escaping this is not the answer. Perhaps we could find a quiet corner of middle earth - maybe and slow things down a little...I would gladly accompany you..."
She wrapped her other hand around his now, desperately biting back the tears that came from listening to his pleas.
"I am not the same woman you met in Erebor all those years ago, Imli..." She found herself unable to look away from his gaze. "I am the broken husk of that person...and I am not worthy of your kindness and generosity..."
"My Lord Imli, am much as I would echo your sentiments, for having traveled with Lady Shobha and her family for some moons now, I hesitantly would like to remind you that your intention was to help reconcile the lady and her husband, and not profess your undying love..." Thorongil teased quietly joining in the conversation from beside her. "I fear that not only do you catch the attention of your King, but also the Steward appears rather intrigued...and I know the servants have been particularly interested in paying attention to your linens, my lady..."
"That sneaky fiend looks for evidence of an affair," Imli growled quietly. "He wants to stir some trouble by spreading rumours that you have not bled..."
"Ugh..." She felt emotionally drained now and desperately wanted to be in the peace and tranquility of Ulmos shores.
"It is to take you away from your quest to find out more about the Corsair attacks..." Thorongil explained to Imli. "And with your King here now, to claim you back, he is certainly likely to play into Ecthelion's hands..."
"I think it's best if I return to the apartment with the children..." She concluded quietly, glancing over at Thorin briefly, only to find he was still engaged in conversation with another lady in court.
"Let me accompany you, my lady," Imli offered.
"I think that may not be wise, after your heartfelt conversation tonight," Thorongil warned. "We will take Lola...in any case, I would appreciate a few hours of rest before Dwalin takes to his bed."
"You too..." She chuckled. "I thought it was just us...I am certain his snoring has worsened during our travels!"
Lola and the children were already up and walking ahead of them out of the grand banquet hall. So they were quick to follow, chatting as they went.
"Aye, my lady," Thorongil attempted to hide his smile as they began to make their way into the corridor. "I fear, the cold nights and mornings during our travels and sleeping in the caravan has given Dwalin worsening nasal congestion...I was going to ask you whether you could concoct a tincture for him..."
"Warm lemon and honey with some ginger," she concluded. "We have lemon and honey in our kitchen, but we can pick up ginger in the market tomorrow..."
"I am sorry we didn't tell you about King Thorin..." Thorongil admitted, as he glanced over at her face. He imagined that she would have avoided attending the feast, had she known.
"Don't worry. You don't need to apologize..." She sighed looking down at her dress, which was indeed much more daring than she had wished, with a corset and open neckline. " But now I understand...all...this..."
Thorongil smiled pitying her. Perhaps she would be better off living in a small town in the north. Bree was a quiet place, and he could easily check in on her and the children regularly. He had informed King Thengel that there was a possibility he would travel with the woman for the safety of her children for a longer time than expected and had left his service. But her insight of his blood line and her encouragement over his future, made her seem unusual. Even the Elves did not encourage him towards pursuit of his birthright.
He had even seen the markings on her back now, perhaps she indeed had the favour of the Valar. And her children were special. He knew what it was like to be raised without a father. And perhaps he had met her for a reason. Perhaps it was his turn to offer protection for a family who needed it now, in the way that he had received as a child?
"It was not my idea, in truth. But Imli was hoping he could get you both to reconcile, if you saw one another and appreciated what you each missed..."
"I am not sure Thorin misses me," she whispered to him quietly so her children couldn't here. "I expect just he wants to punish me for leaving. Or for wounding his pride. Or something like that..."
She felt stupid for being dressed up now, and wondered what Thorin really was thinking.
They entered their apartment and Thorongil watched as the children ran about for a moment while she and Lola prepared a wash bowl for them since they had bathed before dinner. And ever since the raid at Edoras, either Dwalin or Aragorn always stayed with the children. In truth she too had not been permitted to venture out alone.
"Right my little Princes and Princess Seraeya," Thorongil called out making them all stand to attention. "We have a few minutes until the water is warmed for you. So let us practice your formations!"
Shobha smiled watching as she set about laying out their bed clothes. Thorongil had never pushed the children to spar. But he had taught them how to hold a sword and a shield to protect themselves.
The children too worked hard learning to block and move back and forth. It was clear over time that they had begun to grow stronger as a result.
"I am sorry that I have led you to this life, Lola..." She apologized as she entered to wash room where Lola was setting out the wash basins for the warm water.
"I know I am your nanny, but I love your family. And no other had treated me so well in employment as you have, my lady," the young woman replied rolling up the sleeves of her grand velvet dress. She had always paid for Lola's dresses for any feasts they attended for many years now and this was no exception. "In fact my lady, you have always treated me as your family. And for that I am grateful."
"You could have stayed in Erebor, and I am grateful for that, dear Lola," Shobha smiled at her. "You, like Mara and Dwalin are the family I choose. That makes you more important to me. But if at any time you wish to return home to Erebor, know that I would understand entirely and I would still love you as family all the same."
Shobha carried over some towels only to find Lola pounce on her with a big bear hug. Careful to hold on to the towels she wrapped her free arm around their young nanny, only to find her sobbing.
"Hey now, my dear Lola," she pulled away a little to assess her face for a moment and pull her back into another hug. "It's okay. I am sorry it's been such a horrid journey..."
"No, my lady..." She pulled away again wiping her face, embarrassed. "It's just that he may be our King, but he is an arrogant, stubborn idiot!"
"Wow! Okay...I was not expecting that," Shobha put the towels on the cabinet near the counter set for the wash bowls. "Not that I don't entirely disagree with you either..."
"I saw him watching you in between pretending to flirt with that other noble lady...I think she is Ecthelions cousin..." She sniffed wiping her eyes. "I know he still loves you but can't admit he is wrong!"
"I am not the most right person either..." Shobha grimaced, thinking of how she could have handled her secret about Ulmo better. It had been the source of all of Thorin's anger and mistrust towards her. And the conversation she had with Thorin, on that bridge in Erebor, she had replayed in her mind over and over again.
"We all have our faults, my lady," Lola paused before admitting the truth behind her tears. "But that night in Edoras... I truly thought I would never see you again..."
Lola sobbed again for a few moments, and Shobha hugged her again in reassurance. Tears falling from her eyes.
"I am here. And I am sorry I put you through all this," Shobha spoke softly.
They stood there for a moment until Lola stopped sobbing and let go, straightening her clothes and wiping her tears.
Shobha couldn't help wonder whether they would be better off going to the Shire. Perhaps she could lead a quieter life there? This journey involved a lot of risk and was she willing to risk crossing back through water with her children...?
...
The children were all tucked into her bed and had fallen asleep quickly after all the days excitement.
She peered into the living room to find even Thorongil had fallen asleep on the large couch. He snored softly and his boots lay on the floor to one end. Picking up a blanket from a nearby armchair, she carefully covered him with it, as he lay deep in sleep. Then she returned to the fire, adding some more logs quietly and stirring up the flames with the poker. The flames came back to life once more and she held her hands over the warmth. There was something about the Ereborian fireplaces that kept burning through to dawn. It meant that they didn't wake up entirely cold, which was not always the case here in Minas Tirith.
A quiet knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she froze. She wasn't really in the mood to chat to anyone.
Slowly wrapping a shawl around her own shoulders, she hesitantly moved to the door.
Carefully she turned the key and opened the door and was taken aback to find Thorin standing there.
Her immediate reaction was to embrace him, and at first she stook an involuntary, awkward step forward only to be halted by his unmoving and cold countenance.
"Thorin...?" She managed, as she felt reminded of how cold he had been towards her during her final months in Erebor.
"Do not flatter yourself, I am here to make sure Dwalin does not make a fool of himself," he gestured towards the dwarf that stood behind him, clinging to his brother Balin with a crooked grin on his face. "He has consumed his body weight in ale and perhaps smoked the same amount of pipe weed...he will wish to sleep it off in your chambers...are you all sharing one cosy bed...?"
"Donnae...hic...be so vulgar...hic...Thorin..." Dwalin muttered from behind. "I'm sorry princess...hic...it's been so long since I let me hair down...hic..."
"Come now laddie, let's get you in..." Balin gently urgent him to the door, at first with Thorin attempting to walk in with them.
But they were all halted by her.
"We will manage to get him to his bed," she stood firmly. She was not the same woman she once was in Erebor and had vowed not to accept poor behavior from anyone.
"My Lady, are you in need of assistance?" Thorongil seemed to appear in that moment from behind her, he stood waiting to catch a swaying Dwalin as he walked through the door and direct him to away to his bedroom. "Come now, my Lord Dwalin..."
Thorin too had stepped back after feeling the sharpness of her words but had not moved away from her door.
"Thank you for bringing Dwalin back, your Highness, and Lord Balin," she spoke. It took all her strength to keep her tone neutral, when this encounter brought back the sadness and inevitability of how she had last left him.
"Well, we were brought up better, by our mothers than to sneak away like a thief in the night, leaving our loved ones behind," Thorin replied again with a callousness he hoped would sting.
"MY mother brought ME up to be warm and loving towards the ones I really love," she countered, digging deep to match the uncaring tone he used. "And to not waste breath towards those who do not bother to listen. After all how can you claim to love someone when you don't listen or show simple respect towards them. Now it is late, so I will wish you both a good night."
She didn't wait for him to reply. After all their conversation wasn't going anywhere. If he were here for her, it was not in a good way, judging by the way he spoke. And she was too exhausted for an argument with someone who had made up his mind and had no intention of opening a genuine conversation.
She had already apologized, many times for something she had little control over. And he clearly had moved on.
The question was what was he doing here?
So she stepped back and shut the door.
...