I'm aliiiiiiveeeee!
I can't believe the last time I updated was in 2023! What the hell has happened to time, it all just goes by so fast!
Anyway, this chapter was a necessary evil. Don't expect too much, it might even be a bit boring, to be honest, but I needed it to be like this so I could move the plot along from the next chapter onwards.
Also, just in case you guys missed it and are interested in reading, I posted a new canonverse, post-war SNS fic called "Where Fire Burns". Do check it out if you want ;)
I also have a few commissioned Chainsaw man fics (M/M & F/F), that I posted, so feel free to read them if that's your thing.
This chapter has been edited but unfortunately, it's probably a mess, so forgive the typos you might find.
On with the show!
Assuming We…
Chapter Twenty-nine
Itachi
I sat on my sofa by myself, my laptop resting on my thighs and a glass of red wine in one hand as I stared at the picture Sasuke had just posted on his main social media account.
For someone who had made such a fuss about me posting pictures of him and alluding to him being in a relationship, he sure took things into his own hands too and made it blow out of proportion even more.
Exactly like I knew he would.
It was no news to me that putting an end to our situation would have Sasuke going back to Naruto for comfort and that sense of security he so craved. If he was in love with Naruto and things were wobbly between them because of everything that had happened on both sides, of course, Sasuke would make sure the two of them found common ground and consolidated their relationship so they could both be reassured and move forward.
Even more confirmation for me regarding the fact that my brother was serious about his boyfriend. Not that I doubted him because Sasuke didn't care about people easily and didn't do things half-heartedly, but it helped set my initial plan in motion.
The wheels were turning exactly as they should, and I was pleased by this.
However, as I stared unblinkingly at the picture Naruto and Sasuke had posted on social media to announce their relationship, I couldn't help but feel my throat and chest constricting.
The feeling was oppressive and painful. It wasn't the picture, exactly, that made me feel this way, but the fact that I knew what was behind it. The foreboding sensation that I had was that this was the beginning of something not easily reversible.
Sasuke didn't make this move thoughtlessly out of grief for his failed affair with me—this was something he had considered and wanted, something that made sense to him, and something that he would invest in, heart and soul, as he did with everything else.
For a few seconds, I looked at Sasuke's beautiful, content smile as Naruto kissed his cheek. They seemed intimate and comfortable, an established couple basking in this birth of a new stage of their path together, and admittedly adorable and innocent as that picture was, I could see right through it.
Sasuke had dived in without looking back, delivering himself in his own, unique and intense way, and I could see it, and feel it too, just from looking at him.
Unfortunately, I knew him all too well.
I wouldn't ask, but I was hoping that Sasuke would tell me. It was none of my business and I had no right to feel anything about it—after all, I was the one who put up walls between us constantly when it came to intimacy—but we were still brothers, and he had always been honest about these things, if anything.
Granted, this knowledge did things to me that I didn't know how to process.
Sasuke wasn't a virgin, and by God, he was far from innocent—something I found out the hard way and through first-hand witnessing. He was one very sexual and open-minded young man, and he had very few inhibitions that I knew of, if any.
I was aware that he and Naruto had already engaged in a lot of preliminary sexual activities but hadn't initiated penetrative sex yet.
Well, that had changed for sure, and I didn't know how to feel.
Jealousy wasn't exactly accurate to describe the churning in my stomach. It wasn't anger, either, it was simply… Possessiveness? Yearning? Frustration?
Anguish over yet another milestone that Sasuke had achieved to take him one step further away from the child he once was.
I tried to smother down these conflicting feelings inside me because I knew how tantalizing Sasuke could be and how little I thought of him as a child when his body was glued to mine, and he was moaning my name in my ear and all I wanted to do was ravage him like the monster I am.
I had come to realize I was quite a hypocrite, too.
Social media was going crazy on all sides, including mine, but I had no willpower to say anything to calm things down.
This wasn't just about Sasuke and Naruto; this was a family matter as well, that had yet to be discussed (having been dismissed by Sasuke initially towards our parents, according to him, concerning what I had posted about him being taken), so I wasn't going to make a public statement until things had been discussed and had properly settled down.
Rationally, it all made sense, and I would fully support him and protect his relationship with Naruto no matter what. I knew exactly how to proceed, and I was ready to defend him and take his side if needed in case things turned dire regarding our parents.
My mind was set, and yet, for the briefest moment, I wondered what on earth I had gotten myself into and if I'd be able to handle it.
I was pushing Sasuke away, steering him towards the correct path of happiness, even if it hurt both of us. I knew this was in his best interest, and I had to be happy for him for being smart enough to know so, too.
Still, he was my life, my everything, and every time I looked at him this feeling only got stronger, reinforced.
My love for him knew no boundaries, and it completely prevented me from entertaining the thought of losing him—it kept me from losing hope.
Even if I had purposefully pushed him away so he could forget about his feelings for me, this filled me with pain and sadness so overwhelming I could barely breathe.
Looking at him, so young and full of life and dreams, I could not help from feeling suddenly frightened.
If Sasuke eventually moved on from us, would I be able to endure it?
After everything, was I even ready to let go of all the things that we had unraveled, all the things we had gained?
Would I ever be? Was I even ready to let go of what could potentially be?
I was, much to my dismay and disgust, still hopelessly clinging to the faith that things might take a turn at some point—that fate, for some unfathomable reason, would make it possible for us to be together.
It was a battle against myself. Altruism versus selfishness. Purity versus unholiness. Selflessness versus greed.
My wanting Sasuke to live a free life, filled with love and simplicity where all doors opened up for him versus wanting him to be with me and be subjected to a life of seclusion and fear.
Sasuke didn't deserve my greed, and such a future was not what I had planned for him.
I didn't know myself at all when it came to Sasuke, or the lengths I was willing to go to for him, or my feelings for him.
There was nothing I wouldn't do for him.
All I knew was that I wanted to protect him and that I should stay faithful to my instincts to do what was best for him in the long run. Regardless, I also knew that I longed for him with everything I had and that everything I was, everything I did, and all my goals and aspirations were, one way or another, linked to him.
Would I even know myself, my purpose at all if he were to simply disappear?
I would not exist at all.
Sasuke was mature for his age, and outstandingly smart, too. He could be passionate and impulsive, yes, but he did things with meaning, wearing his heart on his sleeve and no doubts in his mind.
But he was also so young and idealistic, too overconfident perhaps, and no matter what I wanted from him, regardless of whether it would work out or not, I couldn't trust his innocent views of the world and his arrogance.
It truly wasn't our time yet. Perhaps it never would be.
However, much to my frustration, a part of me that was stronger than my sense of self-preservation told me that I at least had to know.
At some point in time, when Sasuke was older and chance presented itself, if he still felt the same way about us…
I had to know, and I would.
In a few years or months, would he still care to reach out to me the same way? Would he still want me, still feel the same intensity and passion? Would he still believe that what we had, twisted and sinful and doomed as it was, was worth fighting for?
I had already done the unforgivable by allowing myself to open this door for us, but I would not be the one to take the step further by myself when all I wanted was him alone, and no one else, unlike him.
I did not bind myself willingly to other people like he did. At some point, if he wanted to, he would need to make a choice.
Only then could he understand what we wanted, if we could proceed, and how.
Because choosing such a path would never be easy and not something to be taken lightly. There was much that we would have to let go of, and I'm not sure Sasuke understood it as a teenager.
This is not something a youngster can decide, regardless of him being at an age of consent.
Perhaps it would all fade with time. Perhaps Naruto's love would eventually be enough for him to forget about ever wanting to be with me.
At the same time, the doors of possibility were open to me. If it was meant to be—if Sasuke wanted to fight for it—I would be right there, waiting for him as I always did, and we'd work things out.
Idealistic much? I thought, a short and dry laugh leaving my chest with a sound that was unfamiliar to me.
I must be insane for even entertaining such a thing—if it happened it would probably destroy us both.
Or not, but even thinking this way made me think I was delusional.
Sasuke and Naruto were both so young, and I was young, too, even if I sometimes felt a lot older than them. At times, I wondered if I gave it all too much credit unnecessarily.
I cleared my throat and had to take a few breaths to get my composure in check. I shut down Sasuke's social media page, so I didn't have to see his face again before taking three large gulps of my wine.
Nothing about these events was unexpected, and for now, I simply needed to follow the plan.
I would not let Sasuke drift away from me again, that was something I at least knew I would not do. Everything else would just have to go the way it was meant to.
I needed to move forward, just as Sasuke did. A new year was about to start, I had to work the following day and would probably be receiving a phone call from my parents horrified because of my little brother's brilliant idea to come out of the closet and expose his relationship with another guy on social media all at the same time.
I needed to be who I was expected to be, and so I would. I could not let anything get to me—it would defeat the purpose of what I had been trying to accomplish.
My phone buzzed next to my thigh, and I glanced at it to see a text from Shisui. I stared at it for a while, unsure of whether I wanted to see what he had to say because I was sure it was something that wouldn't sit well with me.
Regardless, I grabbed the phone and read his text.
Don't even get me started. You just did what you wanted to do from the start, so don't say I didn't warn you.
I would've rolled my eyes if that was even a dignified thing to do. Instead, I quickly texted him back.
If you have nothing supportive to say, you can go fuck yourself, Shisui.
My cousin's reply didn't take long. You spent so much time with Sasuke that you're starting to sound like him. Just come to the gig, we're playing in half an hour.
I huffed, shaking my head. I didn't feel like going out, least of all to be surrounded by noise and drunk and horny people.
No, but you can come over afterward, I texted, not because I was lonely, but because I hadn't seen Shisui in a while and his presence would be welcome.
I'll think about it, Shisui replied. I'm not sure I want to start the year as someone's emotional support dummy.
I laughed inwardly. Shisui knew me all too well, but he also didn't take himself seriously enough. I sometimes wondered if it was my fault for not expressing his importance in my life the way I should.
We were both realistic about our situation and how the things we wanted did not meet, and yet, our relationship was leveled and honest, and we both knew exactly what we could expect from each other, as friends and family—and at times, as something else that could be more advantageous.
Still, I knew taking it for granted would be selfish of me, so I tried not to burden Shisui with my problems or my needs. He was my best friend, a twin flame that fate had blessed me with, and while I didn't want a romantic relationship with him, I loved him enough to understand that he wasn't mine and that certain boundaries needed to exist, even if I knew that Shisui's thoughts on this were different from mine.
That was one of the many things we had in common—our hyperfixation of what he wanted.
My phone buzzed again, but this time, I was surprised to see a text from Sasuke.
Happy new year, asshole. Best wishes.
I checked my watch only to realize that it was already midnight, and I hadn't even noticed.
For the briefest moments, I considered calling my brother. I wanted to hear his voice and to offer him my best wishes for the year ahead—after all, even if we hadn't been together, we'd always talked during New Year's.
However, I knew Sasuke wasn't alone and that the last thing he needed was a conversation with me to unbalance his emotional state during that pivotal night for him.
So, I bit down on my lower lip and resigned myself to texting him back.
Happy New Year, little one. May this year bring you everything you deserve and so much more.
I sent the text and paused before writing a final message. I love you always, no matter what.
I knew this last one was poking at Sasuke's temper, but at the same time, I had in me this constant urge to remind him of my feelings, to reassure him that, no matter what, I would always be there for him and that my love would not fade.
Be it as a brother or something else, I would never stop loving him unconditionally the way I did.
I was expecting Sasuke to tell me to go fuck myself, and I'd probably laugh if he did.
However, his reply was slightly different.
I'll try to remember that when you're acting like an idiot. Well, that made me laugh, as well, even if bitterly so. And I love you, too.
My heart felt heavy with longing as I stared at Sasuke's words unblinkingly.
It was ironic how he'd avoided telling me he loved me before all of this started, and now, we had reverted to what we used to be, only now the meaning was different, even if the simplest parts of it were the same.
It was going to be a long year.
Sasuke
I didn't get a phone call from my parents that night, much to my surprise, but I didn't delve into it because, in all honesty, I was in too much of a good headspace and didn't want to let fears or worries ruin anything between me and Naruto just then.
We had a great time just the two of us, and it was nothing but pure contentment and bliss, so I didn't regret staying in instead of going out to meet our friends.
It was different from anything I had ever done with a lover, but it was a completely new level of comfort and intimacy that I realized I enjoyed quite a lot.
To simply be able to spend time with Naruto at ease, to cuddle, to kiss and touch freely, to talk to each other in a completely understanding and carefree way, knowing this would be a constant from then on was amazing. A little intimidating, sure (because there were so many things on the horizon for us) but exciting, too.
As planned, we sneaked a few drinks from my father's special cabinet and had fun drinking and eating popcorn as we watched a horror movie. At some point, we got a bit tipsy and things escalated to less decent scenarios that we embraced with full enthusiasm.
Admittedly, I've never looked at my parents' sofa the same way since then, but I digress.
My happiness wasn't one-sided because it was clear to me that Naruto shared the sentiment. We were content with our relationship, thrilled to be in each other's presence, relieved that we had sorted things out between us and that our feelings seemed to have no limitations, the future looking brighter than ever.
We needed to heal, both of us, for our individual reasons, but we would do it together and that was alright.
Itachi and I… Well, we both needed to heal. Even if I couldn't help but think about him, alone on New Year's, and how much I wanted to listen to his voice and talk to him, just to let him know I was there for him.
It was a stupid thing to agonize over, so I chose to text him instead, just to give myself some peace of mind.
I still cherished him like crazy. He was my brother, after all, and the man I was hopelessly in love with, even if he pissed me off beyond reason. But I worried about him and felt sorry for him.
Even if I knew he was a lonesome guy who did just fine by himself, it still pained me because I cared.
But life as I knew it was about to change, and I had to focus on that. This was Itachi's game, too—his mighty plan for me—so I would carry it out exactly as he wanted me to.
There was no way to go but forward.
Naruto
Sasuke's parents didn't seem to believe it at first. Regardless of what they had seen on social media and the confirmation from my hesitant parents, they thought it was a prank and didn't even bother to call Itachi to ask for confirmation about my and Sasuke's relationship.
My mother called me before they got home, though, saying Mikoto-san and Fugaku-san were adamant about not believing it because it simply wasn't possible. Sasuke had several girlfriends; he was popular at school and he and I had always been good friends. It was just an experimental phase at most.
When my parents told them they had seen us together, Mikoto-san had dismissed it, saying Sasuke had the right to be curious about different things—he was a teenager after all.
I suppose it was good that at least they weren't freaking out, even if they just considered it a phase.
However, when they got home, Sasuke and I were waiting for them in the living room (we had cleaned up everything beforehand, obviously), and we asked them to listen to us.
Because Sasuke couldn't tell them the whole story, he told them he's been curious about some things regarding same-sex relationships, and because we knew each other for a long time, he'd talked to me and one thing led to another so we started dating but only now did we come out about it publicly.
Predictably, Fugaku-san looked at me with distaste, as if I was to blame for this whole situation and had been a bad influence on his son—which wasn't a wrong assumption, per se, but still quite unfair.
Mikoto-san simply seemed a little dumbfounded, looking at Sasuke as if this concept of him didn't quite click in her mind, but she didn't comment much.
Fugaku-san asked Sasuke if he thought he was gay and Sasuke told him that he didn't know, he just liked being with me and he didn't want to think about anything else if he was happy with how things were. I suppose this was a bit relieving for his parents and eased their minds.
In the end, they sort of accepted it because there was nothing they could do about it anyway if this was something Sasuke wanted and was certain about.
They didn't seem to take our relationship seriously at all, and I confess that it upset me a little, but I wasn't going to ruin this fragile acceptance by trying to assert myself and my feelings.
Despite their uncertain reaction, we still had to sit through a rather long lecture about being careful with prejudice and sex because of STDs and other things that they forgot I was versed in because I'd been in the field for a long time.
My experience was irrelevant to them, it seemed because they clearly didn't trust me with their son when it came to… well, anything.
I knew Sasuke's parents liked me, don't get me wrong. Sasuke and I grew up together and had always hung out with our mutual friends, so his parents didn't even dream about what a punk he could be at times—rebellious, too. They had no idea we'd always looked after each other—they thought it was always Sasuke keeping me out of trouble when it wasn't true at all.
It was just that Sasuke had those two sides of him, and he always allowed his proper side to shine through. Not that his parents didn't know he went a little wild when he got out with me, but they trusted that he kept his distance enough for me not to rub off on him too much.
I couldn't blame them considering I had always been quite carefree, neglectful of my studies, and a rule breaker. However, I was changing, and I was getting my shit together, for Sasuke and myself.
It was no use trying to convince them about this at this point, though—they'd have to see it for themselves.
For now, it was enough that no one gave us a hard time, and time would eventually shed some light on the strength of our relationship.
At school, things didn't go so smoothly, not that we had problems, per se, and we were ready for it, even if we knew it would be a hassle.
As soon as we entered the school grounds, confidently holding hands, all eyes were on us. People whispered, and others took pictures and filmed. Some came to us to ask if it was true that we were dating because no one believed us. Even if our friends had gathered around us to support us and make people disperse, it was true that the first few days were very complicated.
After all, we were two of the most popular guys at school, even for different reasons.
I think that what shocked people the most was the fact that we had been renowned rivals for a long time, and most people didn't even know we were childhood friends.
Sasuke and I had decided that we would not put on a show on purpose just to make a statement because our relationship was nobody's business. So, we didn't exactly engage in a lot of PDA, even if it was obvious that our interactions were different because we were now openly a couple.
Still, whenever we thought we were alone and wanted to make out a bit at school, it was certain that there would be someone spying on us. It was seriously infuriating, but we let them be because we knew things would cool off once people got used to it and it was not interesting anymore.
Sakura-chan didn't speak to us at first, perhaps out of humiliation or embarrassment, but eventually, she came to us and apologized.
You could've told me you two were really together! You let me humiliate myself! I was going to seduce you two on New Year's!
I tried to ignore the yearnful look she threw Sasuke's way. I knew that she was more than fine with the idea of a threesome with both of us because we'd both dated her, but I also knew that trying to get us would just be a way for her to get a chance at having Sasuke back.
Even if she was crestfallen, she still wished us well, which was a surprisingly mature attitude. Not that we didn't know she was a very smart girl, but her obsession with Sasuke had always made things strange between the three of us, so we were ready to drop that baggage and move on.
Eventually, things cooled off, and life went back to normal, even though Sasuke had a hard time on social media, as did Itachi.
It was very chaotic that it was publicly known that Uchiha Itachi's brother exposed a relationship with another guy, so there was a lot of speculation. Also, the number of companies that wanted to sponsor Sasuke suddenly was ridiculous and he was going crazy trying to politely turn all the offers down and not bend under the pressure that his agency suddenly put on him, urging him to expose himself more when all he wanted was to finish school in peace.
I, admittedly, tried to tell him to take advantage of the opportunities coming his way. I knew I would've.
Sasuke had no interest in any of this, though, first because his sudden popularity came from him being Itachi's little brother, and second, because he wanted to focus on school and enjoy a normal life for the time being.
Sasuke also wanted to invest in our relationship and help me study, even if I had no ambition of attending college for the time being.
Having the best grades possible was his immediate goal, so he was adamant about only focusing on other things once he moved to Tokyo and started acting school if he could.
I admired Sasuke's focus, in a way (and was grateful that he wanted to spend time with me), but still thought his pride and stubbornness were a little stupid. So many people were trying to become famous and make money, and Sasuke had the chance to make a name for himself and fill his bank account and was biting a hand that was ready to stuff him.
Itachi had tried to put some sense into his head, too—Sasuke wouldn't die if he rode the wave of fame for a year or so and then returned to his studies—but he didn't yield.
Well, he never had before.
Of course, Itachi had ulterior motives since his goal had always been to have his little brother by his side, living with him so he could steer him towards the same world, but oddly enough, Sasuke seemed to have his priorities well sorted out.
It was interesting to see, to be honest. Sasuke had always been so fascinated by Itachi's career path, always preaching about how he would go and live with him in Tokyo as soon as possible, and yet, he seemed to be more clear-minded than ever, disillusioned about fame and fortune, wanting to take things one at a time.
Of course, that could also be because of that little issue he'd had with Itachi at some point, and yet, they seemed to have made up during Christmas, so I didn't believe that was the reason.
Whatever it was, it was his choice and perhaps he just needed some time to ground himself before life happened to him, which I could understand.
But well, my boyfriend was ambitious and good-looking, and it's not like he would stop being Itachi's brother, so he could always take advantage of that at some point. Whatever happened or whichever path he chose, I knew he would succeed, so I wasn't worried at all.
I was happy with how things were, and that was enough.
000
The following months seemed to go by too fast, and yet, the consistency of events was something for which I was grateful.
Life wasn't very different than it was before, but being open about my relationship with Sasuke did bring a lot of unexpected joy to our days, as we had more time to be together and be a couple without the need to hold back or hide.
Family gatherings and outings were considerably more intimate for all of us, and Sasuke and I managed to bond more in different ways that only made us grow closer.
Our sex lives improved massively, too, so that was a plus.
Eventually, Sasuke's parents got accustomed to the idea of us being in a relationship, even though, well, who takes 17-year-olds seriously anyway? Still, I did notice our dynamics changing as they made sure to include me in every little thing and seemed a lot more receptive to considering their plans with us together in mind.
As for my parents, my mother had always treated Sasuke as a son anyway, and she was admittedly very happy that her premonitions of how he and I would end up getting involved had come true.
My father was just his usual self and was relieved that our affair was out in the open and that things had turned out well on all sides. He didn't particularly care what I did as long as I was responsible, and that was his take on my relationship with Sasuke, too.
Of course, we still weren't allowed to sleep together at my place unless we left the door of my room open (the no sex at home rule was still firm, mind you) but oddly enough, Sasuke's parents were a lot more accepting of it. Mikoto-san said she preferred the kids to have fun at home where it was safe instead of being forced to do it outdoors, and she didn't care what happened behind closed doors anyway.
Things were good.
Itachi was busy for a long time because of his movie. Once he was done shooting it, promoting it forced him to travel all the time, and he was already guessing that it would be even worse when the movie was released in theaters.
Sasuke and his family followed the news and interviews closely. He had invited Sasuke to accompany him a few times, but Sasuke declined, again, because he was focused on his studies.
Sasuke studied a lot during those months leading up to the final college entrance exams and made me study, too, even though I knew my grades couldn't improve all that much because I'd been shit for years already. Regardless, I still did my best to get the best marks I could, just to show him I was serious about my studies.
Once I realized how hard it was to study for college entrance exams, my admiration for Sasuke grew because, despite how much he enjoyed having fun, he was a very focused and disciplined student. Not that I didn't know that already, but it's like I never really understood exactly how smart and hardworking he was when it came to his academic potential, and how much it took out of him.
I admit that I regretted having slacked off so much for years, but there was nothing I could do to recover in such a short time.
I wasn't particularly worried, though, because, while I had wanted to become a mangaka before, my perspective of life shifted a bit once I started dating Sasuke, and I was forced to think about what I wanted to do and how to go about it more seriously, and I wasn't thinking just about myself at that point.
I did okay-ish, while Sasuke was one of the students with the highest marks—it was all over the newspaper and the news—so I knew he would move to Tokyo sooner or later.
I also knew that I couldn't exactly go with him.
Well, I could, but I had a stable job at my mother's shop and still needed to get my shit together and understand which way to go, so it's not like I could simply drop everything and land in Tokyo just because I wanted to be with my boyfriend. I had money saved, but I didn't want to waste it all without a suitable goal in mind.
Plus, Sasuke would probably move in with Itachi, as he had always dreamed of, and I wouldn't dare ask to move in with them.
Sasuke didn't talk about it for a long time, though. When I asked him about his plans, he would simply say he was still thinking about things, and I didn't understand exactly what he was thinking about. He didn't have much time before Acting School started, and he still had so much stuff to take care of.
I thought his relationship with his brother was doing better because there had been signs and I knew they talked a lot despite Itachi's absence during those months.
But Sasuke still had a strange way of speaking about Itachi that was rather evasive.
Regardless, life seemed to be moving in a good direction for all of us, and I was absurdly happy and content with things as they were. Even if I knew it would be difficult for me to adapt to daily life without my boyfriend once he moved to Tokyo, I felt that we were solid enough for it not to be an issue between us, and since Sasuke felt the same way, my mind was at ease.
Little did I know exactly how much things were about to change.
Sasuke
The ceremony hall was packed. The sound of applause, excited whispers, and the occasional proud cheer filled the air as one by one, students were called up to receive their diplomas.
The seriousness of the occasion settled in my chest as I sat between Naruto and Shikamaru, our close friends lined up in the chairs next to them, listening to the headmaster talking about the "bright futures ahead" of the graduating classes.
I couldn't help but take a long, solemn look around, taking in the familiar place for the last time.
The stage stood at the front of the grand auditorium; a polished wooden platform bathed in warm overhead lighting. Behind the podium, a deep blue banner embroidered with the school's emblem hung proudly, flanked by tall, gold-trimmed curtains. Rows of chairs were occupied by faculty members, while a long table displayed neatly stacked diplomas, each tied with a crimson ribbon. The air carried the faint scent of polished wood and fresh paper, and it filled me with an odd sense of nostalgia.
It was the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one for all of us. For me, especially, it would be a complete turnaround from everything I knew, and it was both exciting and strangely moving as if I was leaving a part of myself behind, which wasn't exactly inaccurate.
I looked over my shoulder and allowed my eyes to travel over the faces of my schoolmates, as well as other familiar ones.
Soon enough, it would all feel like a dream. Teachers, students, and the help—all of them had seen me grow and always supported me.
It was strange how I felt both anxious and tired. Those nearly four months had been amazing yet exhausting, and my emotions were all over the place because everything was about to change for me, and I still didn't know how to feel about it. It wasn't fear, exactly, but it was a lot to take in.
Despite my usual disinterest in these sorts of events, I couldn't deny the way my pulse had picked up as soon as the principal started reading out names. I had spent years working for this moment—not just for the diploma but for the recognition that came with it so I could make my parents proud and then live the life I chose.
It hadn't always been easy, especially from the moment my brother came of age and was legally allowed to be responsible for me. So many times, I had forced myself to let go of my enchantment and my dreams of living with him so I could do the right thing and not let go of my goal of finishing my studies before deciding on anything else.
Top student of the year. One of the highest exam scores in the country. It was an undeniable milestone, and yet, as I sat there, my mind was elsewhere.
My dreams hadn't changed, but they weren't as easily attainable as they had been, and because things were different now, I could no longer follow the initial plan, and this wasn't something I had discussed with Naruto, my parents, or even Itachi.
Especially not Itachi.
I would have to tell him, sooner or later, because time was running out.
Thinking of my brother made me take a sharp intake of breath through my nose as an unavoidable disappointment returned.
Itachi had said he wouldn't be able to come to our graduation ceremony because he was too busy, so he simply transferred a considerable sum of money to my bank account as a gift to make up for it, and I almost sent it back to him out of rage because money couldn't possibly replace his presence in one of the most significant days of my life.
Still, I knew I shouldn't be angry.
I told myself several times that it was to be expected. I had already known his schedule was too packed, that the press tour for his film had kept him traveling non-stop, and that it was a miracle if he even had time to sleep.
But still, as I glanced toward the section of the audience where my parents sat with Naruto's parents, I couldn't shake the stinging ache in my chest.
I didn't need my brother to hold my hand through my achievements. I knew feeling so devastated was stupid, I knew that I had my friends and family there, as well as the best boyfriend in the world.
It angered me so much that I felt this way, but it was a sentiment that was bigger than myself.
I wanted Itachi to be there, simply because I always imagined that he would. It was a promise he'd made long ago, and my brother was the type of man who would rather die than break a promise.
Except now.
Naruto nudged me slightly—startling me from my somber thoughts—offering a small grin when I turned to look at him. "Getting nervous, top student?" he teased in a whisper.
I scoffed, shaking my head. "Not in the slightest."
It wasn't exactly a lie, yet he hummed, unconvinced, before taking my hand and giving it a quick squeeze, which I returned. The warmth of his skin was grounding and helped ease some of the tension in me, but it wasn't enough to chase away the sense of loss that I was trying to suppress.
My name was called, and I realized I hadn't been paying attention to anything at all, but I still stood, proudly, even if my heart was hammering inside my chest.
I made my way toward the stage as applause filled the room. As I climbed the steps, I let my gaze sweep over the sea of faces, again taking in the blur of students, parents, and teachers. I didn't know what I was looking for, even then, but I couldn't help myself.
And that's when I saw him.
Itachi.
My brother stood toward the back against a wall next to the entrance doors, wearing a red sports jacket, a baseball cap pulled low over his face, and dark sunglasses that, honestly, made him look ridiculous indoors.
Regardless, I would recognize that flawless figure anywhere—the way he carried himself, the sharp set of his jaw, the presence that always managed to command attention even when he was trying to be discreet.
And noticing that I had seen him, his mouth curved into a small proud smile that made my chest tighten and my steps falter for half a second.
Beside him, Shisui was smirking, arms crossed. He caught my eye and gave me a lazy thumbs-up as if to say, Told you he wouldn't miss it.
Yes, because Shisui and I had talked, and my cousin had assured me Itachi would not attend the event—it had been a lie, planned all along.
Something washed over me then—an all too familiar, overwhelming emotion that made my throat close for a split second.
He came. Itachi said he couldn't make it, but he was there.
I hadn't seen him since Christmas apart from video calls, so knowing he was there—a physical presence—felt like something huge.
I hadn't realized exactly how much I had missed him up until then. I was filled with such longing and happiness I nearly forgot where I was and what I was supposed to do.
Luckily, I was able to get my shit together and regain my composure. I realized that I was probably making a strange expression because my mouth was hanging open, so I closed it and swallowed down the rush of things in my very being, quickly turning back toward the principal while keeping my expression as normal as I could.
I accepted my certificate and honors with my mind reeling. My fingers gripped the folder a little too tightly as I dipped my head in thanks. The principal said a few words about my academic accomplishments that I didn't even hear, because all I could think about was how, for the first time that day, I felt light.
When I finally stepped onto the podium, I gave my well-prepared speech clearly and concisely, but I wasn't thinking. I had a hard time looking away from my brother, knowing his eyes were glued to me, but I tried not to be too obvious.
The ceremony blurred by after that. I hardly remembered sitting back down, barely registering Naruto whispering gentle words in my ear or the sound of more names being called.
My mind was still stuck on the image of Itachi standing there, clapping for me and watching me with his ridiculous look.
It was absurdly frustrating, but I was really happy.
I only noticed that I was smiling when Naruto was called on stage and I got up to sheer for him, my elation for Itachi's presence mixing with pride over the fact that my boyfriend managed to finish high school despite how difficult it was for him. He had done his best and worked hard, and no matter what he chose to do, at least this was the milestone that he had achieved despite seeming impossible just a few months previously.
By the time the event ended, the hall was buzzing with movement as students and their families spilled out into the corridors, voices overlapping in excited chatter.
Then, Naruto's arm looped around my shoulders as he stretched, sighing dramatically "Finally," he groaned. "Do you know how hard it was to sit still for that long? I'm fucking starving!"
I chuckled, kissing the tip of his nose. "Turns out you do know how to behave," I teased, before shrugging him off gently, because Karin was approaching us with tears in her eyes and her arms extended.
Naruto and I wasted a bit of time hugging our friends and wishing each other well (even if this wasn't the last time we'd speak) and basking in the moment. Everyone was feeling emotional and trying not to show it, but it was clear that this was more impactful for all of us than we had initially expected.
The air was stuffy, and all the people around us hugging and crying weren't helping.
As soon as our friends dispersed to go find their families, though, my attention was already scanning the crowd.
I spotted my mother first, waving enthusiastically as she made her way toward us, my father following at a more measured pace. They hadn't seen him yet, but Itachi was following close behind them, with Shisui trailing after him.
I confess that I didn't think, because before I knew it, I was moving toward him quickly, excusing myself as I evaded the sea of bodies.
Itachi barely had time to react before I moved right past my parents and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace that was so tight it knocked the breath out of both of us.
Itachi's body felt exactly the way I remembered, and he stiffened slightly in surprise for only a second, only to exhale a little shakily before his own arms came up to return the hug and wrapped tightly around my waist.
His scent filled my senses, familiar and comforting, making my heart burst with longing and relief.
His perfume was strong, and I knew for a fact that being close to him like this would make my clothes smell like him for the rest of the day.
The thought made me tense, goosebumps rising on my skin.
It was so difficult to breathe.
It had been too long since I'd felt him against me, and yet it felt like just yesterday, and my heart and my mind didn't know exactly which feelings to grab hold of.
My body seemed to have missed the lover, yet something else made me feel stupidly vulnerable, grateful, and reassured that my role model, my beloved older brother, was there for me.
If I wasn't so overwhelmed, I probably would've cried. Thinking about it now feels a little embarrassing, but back then I couldn't find the heart to feel all that self-conscious.
"You came…" was all I could utter against his neck as if a part of me still couldn't believe it.
I felt his lips brushing against my ear. "I wouldn't miss it for the world," he whispered, warm and as conflicted as I felt before he pressed a meaningful kiss to my cheek. "I'm so proud of you. You truly are amazing…"
A shiver ran down my spine, an old heat curling in my stomach before I could control it. The intimacy of our hug, the way his breath ghosted against my skin, sent a sharp jolt through me that I wasn't ready for because it brought forth all sorts of memories and sensations between us that were not suitable for our current relationship, or the time and place.
Again, without thinking, I found myself letting go and pressing my hands to his chest to quickly push him away.
My face was burning as I realized what I had done, so helplessly throwing myself at my brother like a lost child, and I hoped that this was the vibe I had given rather than something more inappropriate.
I took a step back to put some decent distance between us, clearing my throat as I tried to compose myself, and Itachi didn't resist it, simply smiling a bit at me and nodding. Next to him, Shisui was chuckling knowingly, but I pretended not to see it.
Of course, I missed Itachi. I missed him every day, and no matter what he thought, my feelings for him didn't waver, even if it was easy to smother them a little thanks to Naruto.
Still, I couldn't allow myself to be this obvious.
I exhaled softly, forcing myself to focus. "You're an asshole for lying to me," I said, thankfully sounding a lot calmer and more upset than I felt. "But thank you for coming."
Itachi's smile deepened, in his expression there was a visible affection, and it was a good thing that he hadn't taken his sunglasses off yet. Then, slowly, he reached out and caught my chin between his fingers, tilting my head slightly up.
"You should have known I would," he said, leaning in a little playfully, his voice low and velvety, the touch light as his thumb brushed the skin under it. "I'd never hurt my little brother's feelings like that."
He pinched my chin before letting go, and I all but stared at him, unsure of what to say in return when I felt such conflicting things inside of me.
The warmth of his touch had lasted only for a second, but I had felt it everywhere.
Seeing him there, in his stupid clothes and still so infuriatingly handsome, felt like an otherworldly experience.
I didn't expect him to come, so I hadn't expected that I'd have to be confronted with the things I had to sort out with him so quickly.
I knew there was no way I could delay it, and realizing it made a pang of guilt hit me.
I needed to set my priorities straight and organize my thoughts and feelings so I could deal with my brother.
However, instead of lingering in this train of thought, I turned my attention to Shisui. "You're always his perfect accomplice, but it's good to see you again," I said, a little accusingly, shaking my cousin's hand.
"I have to stay faithful to my sugar daddy," Shisui grinned, clapping a hand on my shoulder. "Are you ready to be showered with fame and fortune now that you're officially the golden graduate?"
I rolled my eyes.
Kushina's voice pierced through the air like a whip.
"There's my baby boy!" she exclaimed, pulling Naruto into a tight hug that made him yelp—I hadn't even realized that he had come to us in the first place. "I can't believe you actually made it through high school! Miracles do exist."
Naruto groaned, attempting to squirm free. "Mom, please…"
By now, we were surrounded by our families, their voices mixing in a cacophony of congratulations.
Minato, standing beside his wife with his usual composed demeanor, chuckled before turning to me. "Congratulations, Sasuke. You've done a great job, and we're all proud of you."
Bowing down humbly, I smiled at him. "Thanks, Minato."
Kushina finally released Naruto, but not before ruffling his hair so aggressively that it stuck out in all directions. Then she turned her attention to me as well, her eyes softening affectionately before she moved to hug me. "You're so amazing, Sasuke-chan! To think the cute little boy picking a fight with our Naruto would become such an accomplished and handsome young man!"
"You always exaggerate, Kushina," I replied with a chuckle, returning her hug carefully before pulling away. "Thank you for everything."
I noticed Minato's lips twitch in amusement as he pulled Naruto into an affectionate headlock. "We couldn't expect anything less from our son-in-law, right, Naruto?"
I stiffened, and I noticed that Naruto's face turned impossibly red as he silently tried to pry himself away from his father's prison.
The words landed with a force that I wasn't prepared for. My mind blanked for a second, trying to process what he had just casually thrown out there, but I forced myself to nod—albeit stiffly—and offered a weak smile.
Again, I tried to ignore the curious expression on Itachi's observing features, but I knew he had caught my reaction, as well as the obvious affection that had passed between me and the Namikaze.
Before I could dwell on it, though, my mother pulled me into a tight embrace, her arms wrapping around me in a close hug.
"My sweet child, I love you so much…" she whispered, her voice was thick with pride and barely contained emotions as she held onto me. "No matter what you do, we're already immensely proud of you."
"Stop being a sap, Mom," I muttered, leaning away to observe her beautiful features, noticing that tears were spilling from her eyes. I wiped them gently before pressing a small kiss on her forehead. "Thank you for always being so supportive of me."
My father followed with a firm hand on my shoulder, his silence speaking volumes in its way.
It was all so overwhelming and a little awkward, but I still felt immensely fulfilled and grateful for all the wonderful people around me.
My parents then turned to Naruto, my mother playfully pulling him from Minato's arms and kissing his cheek. She whispered something to him that I couldn't hear, but whatever she said made Naruto beam at her.
She moved on to Shisui and squeezed the life out of him, who just laughed and hugged her back.
When she finally pulled away, her eyes landed on my brother as she frowned. "You made it! You should have told us you were coming!"
Itachi adjusted his sunglasses, shrugging with his usual grace. "It wouldn't have been a surprise if I had."
"Well, it certainly was," my mother huffed but still pulled him into a small hug that seemed to help her small upset vaporize. "Well, it doesn't matter. Sasuke was so happy to see you!"
"Happy is a bit of an exaggeration," I defended quickly, waving my hand dismissively before this could turn into something uncomfortable.
"Or a bit of an understatement," Naruto quipped, standing next to me. "There were tears in your eyes when you saw him. You should've seen the look on your face!"
I shot him a flat look. "You knew about this?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.
Naruto grinned but didn't confirm or deny anything, which told me everything I needed to know.
Meanwhile, my father was now scrutinizing Itachi with his usual critical gaze. His sharp eyes dragged over the cap, sunglasses, and overall disguise with visible disapproval.
"You always wear such strange things, Itachi," he said, arms crossed over his chest. "It doesn't suit you at all."
I disagreed entirely. My brother could wear the most ridiculous thing and still make it look effortless.
Shisui barked out a laugh, slinging an arm over Itachi's shoulder. "Fashion statement, obviously."
Itachi exhaled in exasperation. "It's called 'avoiding unwanted attention.'"
Naruto grinned. "Yeah, because that's working out great."
And, true enough, I could already see whispers starting to spread as people recognized him.
A small, amused huff left my lips despite myself.
Itachi, realizing it as well, straightened his back slightly, bracing himself. "I can't stay long, but I'd like to take everyone out for lunch before I head back."
Kushina's gasp was as shocked as it was hopeful. "Are we invited, too?!" she asked excitedly.
Itachi's lips curled into a slow, charming smile. "That goes without saying," he said smoothly. "We're all becoming closer as a family, after all."
I had to swallow the sudden lump in my throat at this.
Naruto beamed, his hand squeezing mine discreetly before he turned to his parents. My mother looked overjoyed, and my father—while not exactly expressive—nodded in approval.
As they all chatted and laughed, we started making our way toward the exit of the auditorium.
Naruto grabbed my arm to stop me for a moment and pressed a small peck to my lips before pulling ahead, falling into step next to Shisui. They easily fell into a comfortable conversation, the energy between them playful as they started laughing and joking straight away.
I couldn't help but smile to myself, endeared. Naruto thrived in moments like these—full of warmth, of movement, of people he cared about all gathered. His joy was infectious and natural, his light shining over everyone who met him, and I knew that even my parents, who always had mixed feelings about him, were now genuinely enamored with him and, more importantly, the obvious happiness that he brought to my life.
I lingered a little behind, letting the group move ahead as conversations shifted to restaurant options. Watching them, I felt a sense of contentment and fulfillment fill my heart, because life was just that good—perfect, even—and things seemed to finally be falling into place.
The future wasn't confusing or uncertain for me. In fact, I could see everything clearly, and yet, something inside me remained solemn.
The only unbalanced thing in my life was my biggest secret.
At this point, I could easily claim that I lacked nothing and that life was as good as it could get, even if it was just the beginning.
However, I still felt greedy and selfish, clinging to the one thing I wanted more than anything else, and the one thing I couldn't have.
I heaved a small sigh, and just as I was about to start walking, I felt it—fingers grazing against the back of my head, just at the nape of my neck, barely there, but unmistakable.
The caress was so light it felt feather-like, and yet, it had been meaningful and filled my whole body with electricity because I knew exactly who it belonged to.
I stood there as my breath hitched, my heart thumping like crazy inside my chest.
By the time I turned my head slightly, Itachi was already walking past me, moving quickly to take a place beside Minato, his pace unhurried, his hands casually tucked into his coat pockets.
He hadn't looked back, but he hadn't needed to.
But the warmth of that fleeting touch remained— the whisper of something that was still so established between us that I no longer knew what to call it.
My heart clenched, filled with a familiar desire as my blood boiled.
Why was he like this? Always reaching out, always going that extra mile, always reminding me of his love for me?
Always reminding me of my own, helpless love for him?
Why did he push me away and yet couldn't—wouldn't—humble himself down to practicing what he preached?
Why rub salt in wounds that weren't that old, to begin with?
Itachi knew there was no way of defining the boundaries between us anymore—they were far too blurred already, and there was no way we could simply be normal brothers again, even if he tried.
Well, he could try all he wanted, because his feelings were splattered all over himself whenever he looked at me, touched me, or even talked to me.
Even if others didn't notice it, I did.
How I had missed him, and everything that we were. How many times did I wonder if I should just not take my studies so seriously and just go to him to see how stubborn he would be then if he had to deal with me every day again?
That was why I had to shift dynamics and do something that would break his heart—something that a part of me hoped he was already expecting—but it had to be done.
For my sanity, for the sake of my relationship with Naruto, and admittedly, also to give my brother a taste of his own medicine.
I didn't want to hurt him, but I wouldn't let him play with me.
I knew this would happen from the start.
After all, this was a two-player game, and he was expecting me to play accordingly and make it worthwhile.
I swallowed, forcing myself to breathe. Taking a deep breath, I started walking on my way to catch up with the others as if nothing had happened.
TBC…
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