2184. Tanis Sector. Vog-Sojoth. Helldivers Team IMPs.
As the sun dipped below the jagged horizon of Vog-Sojoth, the planet's temperature plummeted sharply, turning the arid expanse into a frozen wasteland. A resupply request had been sent from Outpost 09, and the nearest response team was Helldivers Team IMPs. Yet, what should have been a routine mission had devolved into chaos. Automatons swarmed the perimeter, turning the outpost into a battlefield, while low-orbit Super Destroyers struggled to deliver supplies amidst violent winds and relentless signal jamming.
"Well, ain't this just fuckin' perfect…" Blitz muttered, glaring at the latest hellpod that had smashed into the ground dangerously close to him.
The beacon systems were practically useless, scrambled by the jamming, forcing the crew in orbit to blind-drop the pods as best they could. The result? Mayhem.
"Hey, fuckheads! Stop droppin' those pods!" Blitz yelled into his radio, but all he got was static.
"Umm… sir? I don't think they can hear us," Moxxie said cautiously.
Another hellpod hurtled through the sky, crashing straight through one of the outpost's buildings. Its top popped off, revealing the payload inside: a FLAM-40 flamethrower.
"Well, at least we can keep our asses warm now," Blitz quipped with a sardonic grin.
As he turned to assess their dwindling options, two Automatons came into view. Their skeletal frames gleamed under the pale sunlight, and their team lacked heavy weaponry to counter them. Then, in a moment of morbid serendipity, another hellpod screamed through the air and smashed directly into the first Automaton, shredding it into scrap. The impact sent debris and an engine careening toward the group, forcing them to scatter.
"Landsakes, that was too close!" Millie exclaimed, brushing dirt off her armor. "But hey, for once, one o' them things actually did somethin' right."
"You think? If we make it out alive, I'm putting my boot so far up those orbit jockeys' asses, they'll taste the mud from this hellhole," Blitz snarled.
As if to mock him, more hellpods began to rain down. One crushed two approaching Automatons, scattering their remains, while another slammed into the ground perilously close to Millie, forcing her to dive out of the way.
"Liberty almighty, they're tryin' to kill us as much as the damn Automatons!" she yelled, scrambling back to her feet.
"For Democracy's sake! They better kill us or I will chomp their heads once we go back!" Loona growled exasperated at their current state.
"This is insane!" Moxxie shouted. "Sir, we've got to break through the jamming—now!"
Blitz spun around, eyes blazing. "You fucking think so?! Gee, why didn't I think of that sooner? Oh right, maybe because we're up to our asses in Automatons!" He gestured toward a fresh wave of enemy troops advancing on their battered position.
As the team scrambled for cover, another hellpod plummeted from the sky, crashing into a boulder in the middle of the outpost. It didn't embed itself fully; instead, it cracked open upon impact. A screen on its exposed payload flickered to life, its red error message flashing ominously: ERROR: UNSTABLE.
"Well, ain't this just a big ol' pile o' horseshit…" Millie muttered, her voice thick with exasperation.
"Ah, fuck our lives…" Blitz groaned, his voice dropping into a resigned growl.
"Move your fat ass Moxxie!" Loona roared, spurring the team into action.
"Hey! I am not fat you dog brat!" Moxxie snapped back while they sprinted away as fast as their legs could carry them.
Seconds later, Outpost 09 vanished in a blinding fireball, the unstable payload detonating with catastrophic force. The explosion tore through the Automaton horde, vaporizing the majority of the enemy forces in an instant.
From a safe distance, Blitz and the rest of the team looked up from their entrenched position to watch the inferno consume what remained of the outpost. The bitter cold of Vog-Sojoth was replaced, however briefly, by the searing heat of destruction. Blitz exhaled sharply, pinching his bridge while shaking his head.
"Well… at least that's one way to clear the damn perimeter," he muttered.
The silence that followed was deafening, broken only by the crackling flames and the distant whine of more hellpods descending from orbit.
One Hour After Hellbomb Detonation
Following the outpost's destruction, IMP advanced toward the Stratagem Jammer—the infernal device wreaking havoc on their supply lines and preventing any chance of extraction. Around them, Hellpods continued to crash-land unpredictably, their trajectories scrambled by the jammer's interference. The urgency to disable or destroy it was palpable.
"So that's the thing turning this whole operation into a clusterfuck," Blitz muttered, squinting through a pair of binoculars at the looming contraption in the distance.
"And we can't call anything down to get us out of this mess until it's taken care of, sir," Moxxie added, his voice tinged with a mixture of frustration and dread as he surveyed the scene alongside Blitz.
"Well, hell's bells, that's a heap o' tin cans guardin' that thing. Even got me a Hulk standin' tall among 'em," Millie observed, her grip tightening on her weapon as her sharp eyes counted the sheer number of Automatons surrounding the jammer.
"So… are we just going to sit here and wait for them to swarm us, or are we going to deal with it?" Loona asked, crossing her arms as her piercing gaze darted from one teammate to the next.
The grim reality hung in the air: until the jammer was neutralized, they were stuck. Around them, more Hellpods fell, their landings increasingly chaotic and disastrous. In the distance, another deafening explosion rocked the ground as yet another Hellbomb detonated on impact—a direct consequence of the jammer's relentless interference.
Blitz let out a long sigh, then crouched down, grabbing a stick to draw in the dirt. His team gathered around him, curiosity and skepticism mingling in their expressions.
"All right, here's how we're gonna do this shit." Blitz began to sketch out his "genius" plan with dramatic flair, flipping between various messy diagrams in the dirt. "First, we go blazing the fuck up those tin cans." He drew crude stick figures of IMP gunning down waves of Automatons, who promptly fell over. "Next, we jump in, have our fun murder time like always, and pile up the bodies on a big-ass canoe."
Loona raised an eyebrow, glancing at Moxxie, who was already pinching the bridge of his nose. "A canoe? Seriously?"
Blitz ignored her. "Once the canoe's loaded, we push it into some water and light the damn thing on fire. That'll attract sharks, eagles, and maybe a goose or two. Fuck it." He added a drawing of an octopus devouring the flaming canoe and its contents. "They eat the bodies, we win, and then we rub it in those metal bitches' drunken-whore-ass faces and get back to space."
The next part of his masterpiece showed the team giving multiple middle fingers to a weeping automaton. The final drawing depicted IMP back aboard the Super Destroyer, celebrating their triumph. Blitz stood up, triumphant. "Any questions?"
Moxxie raised his hand immediately. "Here's one: that was absolute nonsense and, frankly, atrocious penmanship, sir. Very poor." His tone was dry, his expression deadpan.
Blitz frowned and stepped closer to him. "Not a question."
"But it still wasn't a plan," Moxxie retorted, exasperated.
Millie decided to step in before things escalated and risked attracting the enemy. "How 'bout we send our sneakiest hand? Those tin cans ain't as sharp as the bugs—they can be fooled some."
"Great idea, Miles! That's why you're my favorite," Blitz chimed in, blatantly ignoring Moxxie's indignant cry. "So, who among us is good at sneaking around? I can't do it; my heavy armor is way too noisy right now." He turned his gaze toward Moxxie.
"Don't look at me, sir. Drakians aren't exactly known for their stealth, even with training," Moxxie said, motioning to his own frame. "And Millie's too bloodthirsty to have the patience for stealth kills."
"Yeah, he's got a point," Millie admitted with a grin. "Even now, it's takin' all my willpower not to start blastin' their shiny heads clean off."
At that, all three of them simultaneously turned their eyes to Loona.
"Oh, fuck you all. I am not going alone into that nest of madness," she snapped, flipping both middle fingers at them to drive the point home.
"Wait, aren't you, like, a follower of that scorpion totem thingy?" Moxxie asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Spider. It's the Dark Moon Spider," Loona growled, emphasizing each word with a glare.
"Yeah, far as I recall, them Beelzians are the sneakiest sonsabitches your whole planet's got," Millie pointed out.
"The Cult of the Dark Moon Spider is about more than just being stealthy," Loona retorted with pride. "It's about respecting death, paying tribute to our ancestors, and ensuring their legacy is passed down." She recited her tribe's cultural motto with conviction but then deflated slightly. "But yeah, we're also about stealth and moving through the shadows."
She sighed heavily. "Fine. Just make sure you've got my back while I deal with those tin cans."
With that, Loona slinked off, blending seamlessly into the terrain. She used every shadow and obstacle to her advantage, moving like a phantom toward the enemy base. They might have lost sight of her altogether if IMP hadn't been watching her closely.
Loona moved cautiously through the terrain, sticking to the shadows of anything that could offer cover as she advanced toward the jammer. Around it, numerous Automatons patrolled, scanning their surroundings, yet none had detected her. Like many others, this jammer was built atop a hill, meaning there was always a way in—so long as one could climb. Brute force wasn't the only option.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered.
Circling the area's perimeter, she glanced up at the outpost's cliffs. After a final scan of her surroundings, she dug her claws into the rocky surface and began to climb. Automatons weren't accustomed to this approach—Helldivers typically stormed in guns blazing. Now, she just had to reach the controls and shut it down before anyone spotted her.
If this worked and the jammer went offline, they could finally escape and call down support. The problem was getting there undetected. Everything—their survival, their mission—hinged on her.
Reaching the bunker at the cliff's peak, she wasted no time darting into the first patch of shadow her eyes landed on. None of the sensors reacted. Good. Flattening herself against the ground, she crawled forward, approaching a small group of three Automaton troopers standing apart from the others. Spotting a loose rock, she grabbed it and hurled it in the opposite direction. That did the trick—two of them turned to investigate, leaving the third exposed.
With a swift motion, she hurled a throwing knife, embedding it in the base of its head. The machine collapsed, its critical systems shutting down instantly. Before the other two could react, she dispatched them in rapid succession, their bodies falling to the ground in eerie silence.
"Yes," she whispered, fist-bumping the air. Her ears twitched—metal footsteps. More incoming. As long as their sensors didn't lock onto her, she could move undetected among them.
Ducking behind a stack of ammo crates, she peered through the gaps. Four Devastators marched past, followed by a Commissar. She clicked her tongue. Taking this group out without alerting the base would be tricky. Fortunately, they passed without noticing her. Not one to push her luck, she lowered herself further, waiting for the perfect moment to move.
Then she saw it—a group of Troopers loitering near volatile fuel barrels by one of their factories. A perfect opportunity. She took position behind a crevice, raised her CB9-Exploding Crossbow, and took aim. The moment the projectile left her weapon, she bolted. A split second later, the base trembled as the explosion tore through the structure. That would keep them busy while she hunted down the jammer.
From a distance, IMP observed through their weapon scopes as Loona systematically dismantled the enemy base.
"Damn, Blitz. Didn't reckon she'd be this good," Millie said, impressed as Loona slipped past their enemies, crippling their manufacturing capabilities. "Kinda makes ya wonder why she don't show this kinda hustle on other missions."
"Yeah, sir. If she applied herself like this more often, our success rate would skyrocket, and we wouldn't have to worry about getting our asses handed to us," Moxxie added, a grudging respect in his tone.
"That's enough, both of you!" Blitz snapped. "I love you guys, but I won't stand for you defaming my Loona. That girl knows exactly what the fuck she's doing, so don't come at me about her performance!"
Pride gleamed in his eyes as he watched Loona trick another squad into shooting each other.
"Y'know, Blitz," Millie mused, "ever since ya read that fancy human book 'bout war and art, ya been actin' like a damn father to that Beelzian."
"Damn right, I am, Mills! Well, I mean, I will be, once I get enough Super Earth credits to file for the adoption papers," Blitz declared. "But yeah, like the book says—treat your soldiers as your children, and you'll win any battle! That Tsun guy was a genius! That's why he put all those animals on one boat and beat the crap out of everyone!" He punctuated his words by enthusiastically smashing two grenades together.
Moxxie edged a few meters away, just to be safe. "Sir, I read that book, and I'm pretty sure that's not how it goes."
"Ah, who gives a fuck? The point is, Loona is my daughter, and I take pride in that."
"Which is downright stunnin'," Millie cut in, "considerin' ya just let her waltz into one o' the most locked-down enemy bases alone."
Blitz's head snapped toward her so fast it made an audible creaking noise. "Come again?"
Millie ignored Moxxie's frantic signals to shut up and continued. "Loona's sittin' smack dab in a medium-sized Automaton den crawlin' with light Troopers, Berserkers, and all manner o' Devastators. Pretty sure I saw an extra Hulk, too. Oh, and let's not forget the Super Destroyer still rainin' down hellpods packed with explosives 'cause o' that jamming nonsense." As if on cue, another Hellbomb detonated in the distance.
She turned back to Blitz. "I reckon ya must trust her an awful lot to send her in solo, huh?"
Silence. Then she noticed Blitz's absence.
"LOOONA, MY BABY! DADDY IS COMING!" Blitz's voice erupted from below as he sprinted downhill toward the base.
Moxxie groaned and facepalmed so hard his visor nearly cracked. "Millie, sweetheart, love of my life, you know I adore you so much that I let you peg me, right?"
Millie nodded enthusiastically, biting her lip, her face undoubtedly flushed beneath her helmet.
"But sometimes—SOMETIMES—" Moxxie took a deep breath. "I wish you could shut that precious mouth of yours. Your big mouth got us in trouble at your sister's wedding. It got us in trouble during training. And now—now—it's got us in trouble on this mission."
Rather than take offense, Millie just shrugged and flashed what Moxxie could swear was the dopiest smile under her helmet. Grinning, she grabbed her guns and took off at full speed after Blitz.
Moxxie could only shake his head, chuckling as he sprinted after her.
Back at the base, Loona was closing in on the Jammer. The Automaton base was in chaos; enemy forces scrambled in every direction, struggling to locate her. They couldn't take more than a few steps without Troopers being blown apart by well-placed explosives. Now, the only thing standing between her and the objective was a meager group of Berserkers and Troopers, too thinly spread to cover all possible avenues of attack. None of them considered the cliff wall adjacent to the lower level, from where she had climbed after detonating the last patrol. All she needed to do was approach the console, deactivate it, and call in a 200kg bomb to level the place to slag.
She moved slowly, careful not to attract attention, each step a calculated risk. Fortunately, it didn't take long for her to reach the console. Unfortunately, a Trooper was operating it at the moment. Loona readied her knives as she, along with the rest of the enemy base, heard the scream.
"LOOONA, MY BABY! DADDY IS COMING!"
She looked up to see Blitz charging up the hill, blazing guns in hand, dodging enemy fire as he advanced. Millie and Moxxie were close behind, doing their best to provide fire support. Loona couldn't help but mutter, "So much for stealth."
"Diver Scu—" she began, before cutting the Trooper's head clean off with her crossbow as it realized her presence.
"Yeah, yeah, 'Die Diver Scum,' 'Heart of Steel,' and 'Super Earth will fall,'" she mocked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Like I haven't heard that from every goddamn Automaton on every front. At least the Terminids had the decency not to waste my ears with their propaganda." She kicked the remains of the machine aside and began the deactivation sequence.
Down in the lower levels of the base, the rest of IMP had regrouped, taking cover behind enemy barriers and taking potshots at any Automaton that came into range. Thanks to Loona's efforts, the enemy forces were severely depleted, but they still had to contend with two Hulks slowly approaching.
"Fuck you, you roided-up toasters," Blitz growled, his R-36 Eruptor trained on the Hulk Obliterator. "You ain't killing and harvesting my precious girl." A clean shot pierced the Hulk's "eye," causing it to explode in a fiery burst. But the other Hulk, Scorcher, was moving too quickly, and Blitz's shots missed the sweet spot, hitting its reinforced armor instead.
"Shit! Moxxie, flambeau at six! Fatso's moving fast. Think you can get a clean shot?" Blitz called, moving out of range.
"Negative, sir," Moxxie responded. "However, if you and Millie can keep its focus on you, I might get a clean shot at its back."
"Noted. Mills, come with me," Blitz ordered, while Moxxie took another direction. As Blitz moved forward, he shouted at the Hulk, "Hey, listen you gigantic oven. What are you gonna do, huh? Walk up to me and flex those metal muscles?"
Millie chimed in after him. "Yer nothin' but a cold, soulless pile o' junk with a gun tied on it like it's somethin' special."
Blitz smirked. "Fucking great. A walking scrap heap trying to act like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. I've seen roaches with more goddamn personality than your cold-ass metal face."
"Oh, I got it now," Millie drawled with a sly grin. "Guess ya don't even have a damn face, do ya? Don't matter none though. Go on, try an' kill me. You're still just a fancy blender, and I reckon you'll be fallin' apart like a cheap watch in no time."
Blitz's voice grew more taunting. "Oh, and by the way, YOUR MOTHER WAS A SEXDOLL!"
The Scorcher let out a roar of rage, charging toward Blitz, completely ignoring Millie. Meanwhile, Moxxie found a better vantage point and leveled his R-63CS Diligence Counter Sniper, waiting for the perfect shot.
"Oh, are you gonna cry because I called your mom for what she was?" Blitz taunted, dodging a stream of fire. "How about your dad? He was a vibrator—the only job he ever did was trying to satisfy your mom, and he failed because she still whored herself out to Super Earth. Haha!" Blitz shot at the Hulk's legs, though the damage was minimal.
"Goddamn, Moxxie! I know snipers take their sweet fucking time, but for liberty's sake, when are you going to shoot this asshole?!"
As if on cue, an explosion rocked the Hulk from behind, the result of a well-placed shot at its exposed vent. The massive machine leaned forward and exploded in a fiery cascade.
"Is that good for you, sir?" Moxxie's voice crackled through their comms.
"Wait, Moxxie," Blitz said, blinking in realization. "I can hear you clearly. Does that mean...?"
"Jammer's down. Let's call for backup and get the hell off this forsaken rock," Loona's voice rang through the comms, and Blitz let out a relieved sigh.
"Good job, my girl," he muttered. "Now, team, let's regroup and call for evac." With that, IMP began their retreat.
Edited thanks to ELE73CH.
Edited thanks to ELE73CH.