A/N: Im sorry, I have no excuse for my delay on Secrets other than I have been very mindlessly scrolling the internet instead of editing my next chapter for weeks. My bad. I promise it's coming. In the meantime, this was inspired.
Xoxo
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Paige O'Brien sat at the kitchen table, staring at the latest review from Cole Pryce, a book critic, but more aptly and internet bully, on her laptop. The headline blared across the screen in bold, unforgiving letters:
Yet Another Failed Attempt at Fictional Science: Paige O'Brien's Juvenile Series Hits a New Low
She sighed dejectedly, rubbing her temples as Walter walked in, his brow furrowing when he saw her slumped shoulders.
"Hey… another review?" He asked, his voice carrying that soft, logical concern only he could manage as he kissed the top of her head.
Paige nodded, turning the screen toward him.
"He's tearing it apart again, Walter. Every single book. But this new one, I worked so hard so he wouldn't have a thing to tear down! It's like he has a personal vendetta against me. And it's not just the science now! He picks apart the characters, the plots, everything. Says how unrealistic it all is. That it never would have happened the way I wrote it. I thought writing these stories, creating the Team Scorpion: Adventures in Genius series, that it… that it would inspire kids to love science, seek adventure, want to help people, make a difference, but maybe I'm just... kidding myself. Maybe Pryce is right. Maybe I should stick to team management and leave the genius to the geniuses."
Walter pulled the laptop closer to read the scathing review.
Review by Cole Pryce
Published in The Literary Examiner
"Team Scorpion: Adventures in Genius - The Tsunami Code" – A Catastrophe in Print
It's rare to encounter a book so utterly devoid of merit that one questions the very fabric of the publishing industry, but Paige Dineen-O'Brien's Team Scorpion: Adventures in Genius - The Tsunami Code achieves this with dazzling incompetence. This so-called "middle-grade novel" is an insult not only to literature but to the very intelligence of its intended audience.
Let's begin with the premise: a group of precocious, self proclaimed genius, children solving science-based mysteries, supposedly inspired by real-life events. Except, of course, these "events" are distorted beyond recognition, turning what could have been interesting anecdotes into laughable drivel. The science is watered down to the point of irrelevance, with more inaccuracies than an elementary school science fair project gone wrong. Stopping a Tsunami with a speaker and some music? It's laughable. Dineen-O'Brien attempts to simplify complex concepts but ends up butchering them entirely, leaving readers - young or old - scratching their heads in confusion or, more likely, boredom.
The characters are a parade of clichés, each more unbearable than the last. The leader of the group, Weston, is an obvious, pathetic stand-in for Dineen-O'Brien's own husband, Walter O'Brien, who, if these pages are anything to go by, must be the most insufferable genius alive. The rest of the team? Cardboard cutouts with the emotional depth of a puddle and dialogue so cringe-worthy it could make even the most forgiving reader wince. Definitely not characters that children reading could relate to, or want to aspire to be like.
As for Dineen-O'Brien herself, one can't help but question her motivations. Is this a desperate cash grab? A thinly veiled attempt at self-aggrandizement? Or merely an exercise in vanity, leveraging her proximity to brilliance to mask her glaring lack of literary talent or own genius? Whatever the reason, the result is the same: a condescending, poorly executed mess that insults the intelligence of its readers.
If you're looking for a book that inspires children to love science, look elsewhere. If you want to see how not to write a middle-grade novel, then by all means, subject yourself to this trainwreck, she even wrote one about a trainwreck. Otherwise, save your time, your money, and your brain cells.
One star, because zero isn't an option.
Walter's eyes scanned the review with quick precision, his jaw tightening at each unnecessary jab toward his wife, who had worked so hard to bring this book series to life. Giving up so much of her personal time, time with Ralph and little Megan, to write the stories, because she believed in the message they sent. That kids can be excited by science. That everyday problems can have solutions in science and math. To think outside the box. And Scorpion backed her fully in getting published, Sylvester as Alderman backed her, and Richard Elia even invested in her, all because they believed in her, and what she was doing. Cabe had been so excited when that first book was released he had stood outside the store for hours before it opened and then bought every single copy, handing them out to kids all morning for free.
And now this man, this bully, had made her doubt herself, her abilities, her talent, again.
There was no one Walter hated more than a bully, but this bully was attacking his wife, and that brought a hatred he had never felt before.
"This isn't even a review. It's a hateful rhetoric. This man's criticisms are not only exaggerated but entirely illogical and false! He's comparing your fictionalized, middle-grade novels to the actual events they're based on! What does he expect? That you're going to include classified details from Homeland cases? Include the names of victims? It's insanity to expect your fictional works to perfectly depict the case reports. That's like comparing a fairy tale to a physics textbook. And it wouldn't be fiction. It would be scientific non-fiction. Way above the interest level, and reading level, of your audience. No child would read that. Except maybe Ralph."
Paige gave a weak chuckle but shook her head.
"Still, maybe I'm not cut out for this, Walter. Maybe I should stop."
Walter immediately shook his head.
"Paige, no. Your books are making a difference. Do you know how many children are inspired by what you've written? Ralph and Megan love them, and not just because you're their mother. Their friends love them. Happy and Toby's kids. The science club kids… If you quit now, what message would that send to them? That bullies win? And as for Cole Pryce…" Walter's eyes narrowed slightly, his tone shifting from comforting to analytical. "Criticism like this often comes from a place of insecurity or ignorance. Statistically speaking, twenty-one percent of adults in the U.S. read below a fifth-grade level. Nineteen percent of high school graduates can't read at all. And approximately fifty percent of adults can't even comprehend books written at an eighth-grade level. Based on this imbecile's so-called reviews, I'd say it's highly probable that Cole Pryce falls into one of those categories, and his resentment and ridicule stems from his inability to fully grasp the concepts you're presenting."
Paige blinked, then let out a small laugh.
"Wow, Walter. That's… weirdly comforting."
He reached across the table, taking her hand in his.
"You're brilliant, Paige. You make science accessible and exciting. Don't let one uninformed bully make you doubt yourself."
Though his words warmed her heart, Paige still couldn't shake the lingering frustration. Walter noticed.
That night, after Paige had gone to bed, having spent the day reading and rereading Pryce's reviews, Walter sat in front of his own laptop, his fingers poised over the keyboard. Logic dictated that ignoring the idiot critic was the best course of action, but logic had its limits when it came to the people Walter loved, especially his wife who held nothing but kindness for people.
With a few quick keystrokes, he accessed Cole Pryce's personal information. It wasn't difficult. The man's firewalls were laughably simple to bypass, like opening a jar with a loose lid. Walter's lips twitched into a rare, mischievous grin as he initiated a custom-designed virus, a harmless, non-destructive one, but infuriating nonetheless.
The next morning, Cole Pryce's computer greeted him with The Paige O'Brien Appreciation Hour, a looping slideshow of positive fan letters from children who adored her books. Each time he tried to close it, another window popped up, playing cheerful, high-pitched recordings of kids excitedly discussing their favorite scenes. When Cole finally attempted to reset his system, his screen displayed one final message.
Criticism is easy. Creation is brave. Maybe try it sometime.
Walter, sipping his morning coffee, glanced over at Paige as she scrolled through her emails. Her face lit up when she saw an influx of new positive reviews from real readers… kids, parents, teachers. Even a request from a local school district to have her speak, and another wanting to contract with her on a program.
"Wow. Honey, look at all of these!" Paige whispered. "It's like the universe is trying to make up for all those awful reviews." She glanced at Walter, a soft smile on her lips. "Thank you for reminding me to keep going, Walter. You always know exactly what to say."
Walter smiled, taking another sip of his coffee.
"I'm just glad you're feeling better. Just like you teach the kids, bullies never win."
And as Paige leaned in to kiss his cheek, Walter kept his secret safe, knowing that poetic justice had been served, with a little bit of genius flair.