There will be crossover elements, but not exactly crossovers. Anything that is from a different series is revealed as of chapter one. Of those things, you don't need to know anything about their stories to read this story.

Blinking in surprise, I stared into the white…place? Thing? It was a somewhere, that's for sure. Now, I have no real clue what to call it. It's sort of like the sun vomited into an endless plane of nothingness, painting its eternal range in radiant white.

I couldn't exactly walk. Nor talk. Did I die in my sleep? That's possible, I guess…but this doesn't really match my idea of the afterli—

"—ah, sorry to keep you waiting!"

The world seemed to pour into being, an office space practically slipping into reality around the other being and myself.

"Am I dead?" I couldn't help but blurt out. "I mean, this doesn't seem very…alive-ish? Also, why am I not petrified? Hm…this is odd. I can't process many emotions right now as well. Are emotions not part of the soul, then? Or are you actively suppressing…"

Blabbering questions and postulations at the being, for it had no face and was made of light, I kept speaking at it and then trying to answer my own thoughts.

The…thing…seemed to sag, if an ethereal thing of light could do such a thing. "Ugh, right. Forgot you were like this. Anyways, you're somewhat dead. Emotions are muted so you can behave rationally when you naturally wouldn't be able to."

I nodded my head slowly. That made sense. "But, if I'm dead, where is God?"

It? snorted. "What makes you assume I'm not God? I certainly am an otherworldly being."

I tilted my head at the being. "Nah, you couldn't be God." I shook my head side-to-side. "God isn't in time. The fact that you kept me waiting implies you are bound by time, and so you are not God as you were late. If you were God, you'd have been right on time. Then again, maybe you were testing me? Actually, no. Your behavior also isn't very—"

"Alright! Alright! Yeah, I'm not God. I'm…well, call me lower management."

"Lower management?" I echo at the thing.

"Yup!" It merrily cheered. "I deal with some souls going to purgatory. You are one such soul."

"Purgatory?" I mutter to myself. "It's corporeal, then? Bound by time and space? Is it in the universe or is there some kind of external pocket of space-time outside of the known universe?"

It groaned. "You're a blabbermouth, aren't you? I misspoke, okay? I try to simplify things for your puny human brains. It's purely a state of preparation—Earth is no different than Purgatory."

I gesture for it to proceed. It does so. "Okay, think of Purgatory like this." It begins, lights flickering in odd ways. "Purgatory is…well, it's where you go when you don't want to ditch God fully but aren't fully in the boat of embracing him."

"So where is it?"

"As I said, it's no different than Earth. So…" A snapping noise was produced. Confetti rained down as a massive wheel was born into being. "Spin the wheel!"

I stared at the wheel. "I feel like I am missing…a lot of details here."

"Spin it!"

"At least tell me how I died?" I asked the light.

It huffed in annoyance. "Carbon monoxide poisoning. Took you, your siblings, and your parents out in one swoop."

I gave a slow nod. That kinda sucked.

"Now, stop taking so long. Spin the damn thing."

Sighing, I spun the wheel. It landed on a glowing blue pigment.

"Ah! This is always a fun one—isekai it is!"

"...isekai?" I look at the being like it was insane. "As in, like, being reborn in another world with a crappy magic system and women who are badly characterized?"

Its colors seemed to dull. "You're no fun…" If it had a face, I think it'd have pouted. "And, no. It's more along the lines of a self insert."

"..."

"So! Pick your world!"

This was stupid. My life has become some kind of divine comedy.

"Pick!"

My mouth spoke before I could even start to think. "Naruto—? Wait, no. Not Naruto. I mean—"

It glowed a cherry red. "—Naruto it is! Wow, how exciting! But, you still aren't done, my friend."

I silently cursed myself. If I could currently emote, I'd be pissing myself. Naruto? Naruto? The place where super big pets blast cities away?

Fucking hell. I'm fucked.

"You still need to get your card!" At my curious look, a snapping noise occurred. I wonder if it does that for my sake or if it really has some kind of fingers that it can snap.

Anyways, a desk appeared. On that desk were a bunch of cards.

"What're these?"

The glowing thing beamed orange. "I'm glad you asked! They are your mods! Go on, go on! Pick them up and read."

Hesitantly, I moved over to a card and picked it up, reading it. "Friends, foes, and other woes! Pick a future ally to gain and a wild card to fear. We will pick an enemy for you, so pick wisely!"

I stared at the card, my mind trying to process what I read. "What?" I asked, still looking at the card. "Does this mean I can, what, bring beings from other worlds to help me out? If I brought, say, Goku, would he be as strong as he is in Dragonball?"

I imagine the being shook its head. "Nope! They scale to the world and are seamlessly inserted into it. They have no memories of their original world—all their history, families, and important things are reconstructed into the world of Naruto."

"...okay." Slowly, I nod my head.

So, then, who is helpful? What do I need to survive? Training, obviously. And money. Actually, those are all I really need. What is more valuable, then? Training…or money…

I hummed, considering my options. If I picked a strong person, they'd hopefully still be strong in Naruto. They might not, though. It'd only matter if it was integral to their character. The same would, likely, go for money.

I can handle rich people…I don't know if I can handle power-hungry people.

Okay, money it is! Who is rich in fiction that I can tolerate?

I might have a slight problem. I can't think of many rich people who are tolerable. I can't think of many rich people in general.

Well, I can think of one person…"Weiss Schnee?" I provide to the being.

See, I think she's a good pick. Rich and she seems empathetic. Also, based on the card, she is bound to not immediately hate me. Anyhow, I'm curious how the SDC would be incorporated into the world of Naruto.

"Interesting pick, very interesting…" It mused to itself. "That's the friend, I suppose? Very well. Now, onto your wild card. Who do you have?"

I love playing dice with people's lives.

Ugh, whatever. The wild card…so, not implicitly my ally. I'd need to pick someone who upsets the status quo in a manner that would benefit me, then.

Actually, that's pretty easy. "Satoru Gojo."

If he is born into the world of Naruto, so would the entire Gojo clan. Given his power hungry, yet friendly, disposition, he'd likely want to fight the Akatsuki, not join them. Basically, he'd play a great distraction.

"Accepted." The being might've nodded. I can't really tell. "Your enemy will be the Scarlet Rot."

I give him a curious glance. "Like…the thing from Elden Ring?"

"It's a clan ability from Kiri, now."

"Huh…alright, then?" That seemed too easy. Scarlet Rot was, well, dangerous…but I feel like there are waaaaay scarier picks.

Actually, fuck. Orochimaru with Scarlet Rot. Ah, damnit.

Whatever.

"Pick your next card! Go, shoo. Hurry up."

I glared at the being and picked up the next card. "One with nature! The world is a wide and mystical place—for those so inclined, they can become one with the Force. But, watch out! Where there are lights, there are shadows."

"Jedi?" I conclude.

"Somewhat. Not really, but sort of?" The thing glowed. I think it shrugged. "To not spoil much, because that is lame, there'll be cults surrounding it. Some canon characters will be connected to it. Not like Star Wars, but aspects of it."

My head bobbed up and down. "Got it. I'm guessing those people would be…hm…Hashirama, Naruto, and Minato? Do I get to have a Force connection? Or would that be a Nature connection?"

It stayed silent.

Lovely. I'm guessing I don't get the smorgasbord of talents that all the SI's in fiction get? Dang it.

With a huff, I pulled the next card from the stack. "Seal those holes! Canon might've had some flaws, but we'll do our damndest to close those gaps! Obito not kidnapping young Naruto? Bah, solved. The Daimyo not being puppets to their Kage buddies? Well, we've made a reason! Holes no more!"

I can't really find any complaints with this one. Overall, it seems helpful. A logical world is one I can use, I think. Logic is easier to deal with than a jumbled mess. I know that, at the very least.

I read the next card. There were only three left, including this one. "Tech, wands, and other knobs! Find it odd that Konoha has radios but no paved roads? Think it's strange that wooden boats are used when a ninja could just walk the sea with scrolls? We've got the solution! The industrial revolution is its height; trains, cars, steel ships, and more prowl the world. Better hope those poor, mistreated peasants don't go red. Ninjas may be strong, but can they outlast these turbulent times?"

"Go red? Is there going to be Ninja Marxism?" I ask, getting no response. I continue talking. "Thanks for talking. And, what does it mean by industrial revolution? Will there be mass production, crappy labor laws, smoke stacks, and whatnot?"

No response. What a dick.

This is probably the worst of the cards. Ninja were already trigger happy. While guns wouldn't do anything to any ninja, artillery would be an issue. So would improvements with supply lines, mass production, etc.

This just meant bloody wars. Exciting.

There were two cards left. I went for the one that had a blue glow to i—"No! Save that for last. That's your background card."

Okay, then.

I read the card that was, in fact, not blue. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses! People here, people there, people everywhere! Food shortages, droughts, and violence run amuck. Better pray your bureaucracies don't crumble."

"You're just stealing phrases, now." I complained to the not-God.

It let out a harrumph. "Let's see you do better. It's hard work, you know. I've designed over a million of these stupid cards. So shush."

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out the blue card. "Nobody! You're some poor, shmucky orphan in the midst of Konoha during its most bloody period! Hashirama's desire for peace? Well, violence has only got worse and worse as the world rumbles through its third great war. Death is near, blood is let, and we may all die. Lucky for you, your natural talents consist of…hm…what's this? No bloodline? No special chakra reserves? No family line? No innate abilities or strength? Well, then…good luck?"

"...you really are an ass."

No talents.

No massive reserves.

No bloodlines.

Third ninja war. The period with next to no information on it in canon. And, apparently, it's more deadly here. With an industrial revolution in the background. And a larger world population. And a food crisis.

Fuck.

Very fuck.

"I'm fucked." I blurt out, shooting a glare at the being. "You're such a dick. No special cheats? That's totally not fair. Won't it be more fun to watch me, you know, be cool and badass and whatnot?"

The being totally smirked. I couldn't see anything from it besides a change in color, but it absolutely was smirking at me. "Well, you better use that noggin of yours that you've been flaunting. Get ready to—"

"—at least give me a special roll? C'mon, everyone gets to get a special, last second roll to not suck. Gimme a chance…please? Pretty please?"

It went quiet. A dull noise could be heard, almost like TV static. It was probably humming. "Fine. You get to spin the wheel."

I let out a breath of relief. "Thank you."

The wheel appeared with a snap. I walked up to it and spun it.

It spun.

And spun.

And spun.

Finally, it landed on a dark gray card.

"Go on, read it."

I went and read it.

It sucked.

It sucked so, so much.

"Fate no more! Do you like sitting happily in your room, knowing all will be well? Well, fuck you! Fate ain't guided no more and the Leaf could lose! Remember, lad, the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. You better get your weapons ready and yourself steady, because if the Leaf falls, there won't be prisoners! Or a village! Or a Land of Fire!"

"Oh you motherfuck—!"

My world blipped and I found myself in a crib. I was a toddler. My brain is having trouble processing this fact.

I'm a little kid again. My brain is functioning like the near-adult I'd been. How?

I stared blankly at the pale-blue walls of my room. Is my brain running like it should? I probably shouldn't assume it is…hm…well, considering I'm not freaking out, maybe my brain isn't as it should be?

Or, I could be in shock. Very possible. But, maybe it is better to assume that my brain is screwed up by being a kid again?

Math! That's a good test. Can kids do complicated math? Probably not toddlers, I think. Okay…what's a good problem?

What about…what is the rate of change in the area of a circle when the radius is increasing at a rate of two meters per second at time equals eight, when its radius is also equal to sixteen?

I went through the numbers. It was probably two-fifty-six meters squared per second? All I did was derive pi radius squared and plugged values in.

Ugh. So, my brain is maybe working fine intellectually. Emotionally, probably not. That's…I can work with this. Maybe—it really depends on how my brain develops. Will I act like a mature child at eight opposed to a mature teen? They are very different

So, I'll be mentally stunted in the emotional sense for a long time. That's spectacular. At the very least, it wouldn't make dating in the far future weird. If I can even bring myself to date.

I'm stuck courting death, okay? I've literally been told that the city and country I am now a member of might be reduced to ash within a decade or two.

I move around in my cot, shifting awkwardly to get comfortable.

Okay, I need to get strong. I don't want my new nation to get genocided—not because I particularly care for Konoha, but because I'm rather opposed to genocide. Basic morals and all of that.

Getting strong is the hard part. Luckily, I could feel something lying beneath my veins—chakra. It was easy to feel when you consider I'd never had it before.

Time to get strong.

With big, pouty eyes, I looked up at the matron. "Ma'am, could I pretty please get water balloons for my birthday?"

I'm turning six today, two years having passed since I arrived here. Learning to speak wasn't hard at all—it was just English. That was a bit of a shocker.

I'd been expecting Japanese or something, but it was just English with some Japanese words. It was a shame. I'd been hoping to learn a new language; in my old life, I had been a polyglot and knew Spanish, Italian, French, Arabic, and German.

Japanese was not, unfortunately, going to be added to that list.

The graying woman ruffled my hair. "Now, now, Sakumo…I hope you aren't becoming a prankster."

I looked up at her with a big frown. "No!" I objected, making my voice cutesy. "I just wanna play with them in the sun."

I was born on a warm June twenty-third. My parents had promptly named me Sakumo and then croaked.

They were saved by Sakumo on a mission. They quickly died on a different mission. I knew them for maybe a month.

The matron smiled at me. "Are you going to play ninja, Sakumo? You're quite the talented boy."

"Mhm! The balloons will help me become an even better ninja!"

I wasn't even lying—they would help me get better. I'd learned the basics of chakra control: things like wall walking and water walking weren't very hard. It helped that my reserves were tiny.

"Very well, Sakumo. I'll take you to the store." She stood up, grabbing my hand. We soon made our way out of the orphanage.

Konoha wasn't anything like it was in the anime. It might have a whole lot of wooden buildings, but paved roads made up the majority of its streets. Cars and trolleys wove their way through bustling alleys and around civilians.

When the cards had said that the industrial revolution was in full swing, it wasn't lying. Massive smoke stacks could be seen from the edge of the village. If I wasn't on the road to being a ninja, I'd be getting ready to work in a factory.

I felt my shirt being tugged back.

"Watch out for the automobiles, Sakumo." Ms. Kyomi scolded lightly. I blinked, noticing the car that had almost hit me. Huh. I'd been distracted.

"Sorry, Ma'am!"

We kept moving, entering into a shopping district.

While cars went through the roads of Konoha, they weren't like cars in the twenty-first century. These were old cars, the kind that had no roof and were fully manual. Imagine the Ford Model A but older.

A ding sounded as we walked into a shop. "Go grab what you want, Sakumo."

With a nod, I rushed off to the shelves to find a couple bags of balloons. It's surprising how common plastics and rubber are. Apparently, the majority of the world's rubber comes from the Land of Water and the Land of Tea.

Cough. Cough.

Bad slavery. That's where it came from. Kiri had gotten the name Bloody Mist because of the cruelty of their plantations. The Land of Water was ripe for the production of things like bananas, rubber, and coffee…it meant that they used brutal force to harvest these things.

Grabbing three plastic baggies of balloons, I went back to Ms. Kyomi. Soon, we were moving back to the orphanage.

For plastics, like the ones making up my baggies, their production is mainly done by the SOC. That is, the Schnee Oil Company. They are based in the Land of Snow—given that the Land of Snow is a buffer state between Konoha and Kumo, that's an issue.

The SOC had avoided being destroyed by selling to both sides of the conflict. I doubt they can maintain that position for long. The Snow oil fields are bound to be a massive military target.

"Go have fun, Sakumo."

I nodded and beamed at her, quickly skirting off…time to find a hose, I guess.

My quest to find a hose was quick. There was one just outside of the orphanage, right by the grassy field behind it where kids liked to play. Sitting down, I filled the balloons up one by one.

Sitting, I held a balloon in my hand and began to spin my chakra.

Correction, I tried to spin my chakra. I failed, obviously.

And so, I tried again.

And again.

And aga—you get the point. I was failing to do the first stage of the Rasengan. Frowning, I tried a different approach.

Okay, chakra, it's the cool energy that allows ninja to do jutsu. Awesome. Given this is true, why the hell won't it spin? It was like it was passively resisting my attempts.

Imagine trying to move a muscle in a way you never did before. It was like that.

So, let's do it a different way. I push my chakra into the balloon and manually spin the balloon with my hand, trying to feel the flow of the water. Naturally, my chakra moved with it.

Trying to hold onto that feeling, I attempted to spin a stagnant balloon.

I failed.

"Goddamnit…" I murmur silently, trying to get the damn balloon to obey. It very much didn't want to obey.

This was going to take a while, wasn't it?

It did, in fact, take a while. A whole three weeks. A painful, agonizing three weeks. I've finished step one. One of three steps.

And, it was terribly exhausting. See, people had always theorized how chakra works back in my old world. More accurately, they theorized how to grow it. Some claimed that it grew through using it. Some claimed it grew by injecting people with more chakra.

Both are right and wrong. If both were true, you could seal all of your chakra into a seal and then inject yourself with the sealed chakra, infinitely growing your reserves. Obviously, that isn't true.

Here is my theory: I think it grows by forcing your coils and whatever produces your chakra to expand. When you use chakra, it flows into your coils and forces expansion by rubbing against the coils. Obviously, this has a natural, max limit. Forcing excess chakra into your reserves would cause abnormal pressure onto the coils, making them expand.

I might be right, I might not be. This just makes the most sense to me.

So, why does this matter? It doesn't, I was filibustering to distract myself from the mindless academy classes.

School sucks—well, no…schools for kids suck. I like school when it's actually useful informat—

"—Sakumo!" Hiroki-sensei called out. Yeah, sensei. They used that here, even if they spoke English. "What's the answer to the problem on the board?"

I looked up to the chalkboard. They were teaching basic algebra. I wasn't actually placed with my age group, obviously. The academy had a preliminary test. I scored perfectly on the language and math parts…history didn't go so well.

The equation on the board was 2X10=17. "Seven over two." I answer to the brown haired chunin, who gave me a curt nod and carried on with his lesson.

I plan to graduate early. I have no desire to keep learning stuff that feels fairly intuitive. The only things I really have problems with are hand seals and taijutsu. Namely because I don't have the muscle memory built up.

That'll come with time, and I've already accepted the fact I'll never be great at taijutsu.

I could do the Academy Three, just very slowly. Again, muscle memory. Kunai throwing wasn't immensely difficult—I used to throw knives in my past life. The skills transferred. I'm actually pretty confident I'll pass on to being a genin.

My only worry is chakra enhancement. They don't teach it at the academy, which is fucking stupid. It's the stuff that allows all ninja to move faster and punch stronger. I bet it's because they need more ninja to man the front, but it's dumb.

Lowered requirements and teaching standards were going to screw me over once I got into the field.

I looked up. Class had ended, so I walked out of the building and back towards the orphanage.

The ninja academy was built in the good part of Konoha. Ironically, the orphanages were built close to it…yup, totally not suspicious.

Anyways, the walk to and fro school was safe. Go a dozen or so streets away, though? Konoha had some bad parts. Nearly eight-hundred thousand people lived here. I'd only been far out a couple of times, but it got bad.

Some parts didn't even have working sewage. Only some, but it was nasty.

Making my way through the best parts of Konoha, I eventually made my way to the orphanage. I wasn't going to go in, though. I walked on the walls of the building, making my way towards its roof.

I like to hide my stuff up here—like a rubber ball I'd stolen from a kid. It was mine now and I'd blow it up to master the Rasengan.

I wasn't here to train that, though. I'm here to work on something else.

Meditation.

See, I'm terrible at meditation. My brain runs much too fast to try and cast my thoughts away. But, I'm really hoping I have a connection to Nature.

To see if I have a connection, I need to meditate. If Naruto can properly meditate, so can I.

Or, that's been my logic for the past year. I've had no luck since.

I sit down, cross my legs, and hope for a little more than failure.

AN: Clearly, this is an atypical self insert. If you are interested, I should update weekly. More interaction, comments, etc will make me update faster. Love y'all and peace. Oh! This is an OC! SI! btw. The MC will have some of my traits but not all of them. Different yet similar.