A/N: Hello! I'm super sorry it took a long time. A lot of stuff has happened and it took a bit longer than usual. Not to mention at one point I accidentally deleted two large paragraphs and had to rewrite them. Fun! Also, what do we think about Rush Week?! I literally and audibly screamed twice when I saw the trailer. I can't wait to eventually incorporate it into this story - which will be at the very end. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! :)

April 14th, 1973

8:12am

Nancy's House - Johnny's Shack

Song recommendation: "Bust Your Knee Caps (Johnny Don't Leave Me)" by Pomplamoose

Remember The Plan?

Johnny

-.-

I've been awake for over two hours now. Two hours to think. Two hours to reflect. Two hours of gently running my fingers through the young brunette hair. It was the mornin' after she witnessed Hands kill that older woman. It was my and Sissy's fault for leavin' that door open and givin' her any form of false hope. The poor girl was hysterical - screamin' and cryin' trying to make sense of it all. I wasn't mad or angry even if she was trying to escape. I know what it's like to see someone die, you ain't ever quite the same after that. It really changes you no matter how you see them die. Maria clearly hasn't seen someone die like that and I really didn't want her to. But that older woman trespassed and was learnin' all our secrets - we couldn't just let her leave and escape. Especially since we had no plans with her. Hands just so happened to be the one to kill her and Maria just so happened to witness it. It took a little bit to calm Maria down after that. She was throwing goddamn books at me, which one eventually whacked me in the face. Screamin', cryin', and holdin' onto the walls for dear life to try and escape me too. It wasn't until I had to hold her down and just keep telling her that she was gonna be okay, tryin' to tell her that I understand the many emotions she was feelin', until she eventually calmed herself down into a deep sleep.

You ever watch someone die? You ain't never quite the same after that, let me tell you.

The first time I saw a gruesome death like that - it shook me up too. Drayton was obviously much younger as I was around five or six years old. He was roughly twenty-four if my math is right. Anyways, mama forbid me to go down into our family's slaughter house where Drayton was the main runner of it along with Hands who was only sixteen at the time. Mama thought I should be at least thirteen or fourteen before I start to help around with hunting, skinning, and selling the meat. But that didn't stop my little curious and wanderin' ass. I ended up watching Drayton chop the head off a man who was not much older than him. The way the man's head fell into a bucket, which quickly started to fill up with blood, before making a huge slice between the man's pecs down to his pelvis. The sight startled me. Mama was truthful with me on most things which included what we ate, how we ate it, and why. But it didn't fully register until that moment that we ate our own kind. I ended up screaming and crying hysterically until Drayton ended up slappin' me around and yellin' at me to get a grip. Mama eventually calmed me down and forced Drayton to apologize and give me a step by step process so I could better understand it all. It took a few months but eventually I started to get numb to it. I started to help skin and sell the meat by the age of twelve. Hands taught me more techniques while Mama encouraged me to use my "handsome smile" to raise sales.

Sometime after Maria fell asleep, I did too. I don't even remember it. All I remember is her eventually calming down slightly, me kissin' her, she kissin' me back, and holding her until she eventually fell asleep in my arms. I've never done that before. Mama used to hold me a lot as a child when I became angry or sad until I eventually calmed down - but stopped once I started to become a pre-teen. Somethin' about growing up and becoming a man. I never held the women I slept with either. I just fucked them, forced them to leave right after, or ended up killin' them. I got used to the fact that I didn't get any physical attention and would barely give it back. When Sissy came back from Charlie leaving her, she was all affectionate for a while - claiming how much she missed me 'n shit. But I never returned her hugs and felt weird each time she did. After a while, she got the hint and eventually stopped.

However... that kiss. That stupid fuckin' kiss that has been replaying in my head for the past couple of hours. The way Maria's full face had tears streamin' down them, the way I just needed to let her know that she was safe, and... that I loved her. I love her. I'm in love with her. Well - at least I assume so. It's hard to say since I've never felt this way for anyone before. But, I can only assume this is what it was or damn near. I get so happy when I'm around her, I feel like she should be protected by me, and I try my best not to think about the dreadful day that our time will end. I have to make my family trust her enough to keep her around. I don't want her to just end up dead, buried, or even eaten. I don't think I'd ever forgive myself and this damn family. I'm scared to lose her. If anything, I would love for her to go back to her normal life but she's seen and been through too much; she'd turn us in and that won't be pretty for anyone. So, she either has to live with us or die. There's no other available options.

But I couldn't stop thinking about the way her lips felt. How her trembling stopped as she relaxed against the small and quick gesture. The way her mouth tasted like salt from her tears yet somehow like strawberries. The bitterness of the salt and her sharp tongue mixing with the strawberries made her taste like a bottle of wine. Lucky for her, I'm pretty fond of the taste of alcohol. The second I pulled away, I wanted to go right back in. But I didn't know if she was okay for that due to the surge of events and emotions she had just experienced. I know it's fuckin' crazy to fall in love with someone so fast but I did. Normally I'm the type to lure people in like a snack, getting them attached and fallin' for me. But this time - it was her. She led me straight into her trap and I can't fuckin escape it. I've tried to push my feelings aside but I can't shake the thought of her. The feel of her. The comfort of her.

When I told Maria that I loved her, I expected the worst. Her to laugh in my face, maybe spit or hit me, call me a fucking creep, or something amongst the lines of all of the above. But she didn't. Instead, she leaned back up and kissed me. I was startled at first - my eyes roaming over her closed eyes and nose as I tried to process what was happening. When I did realize, I couldn't help it. I kissed her back, closing my eyes, just to live in the moment of her. The taste of the bitter strawberry wine coming back along with what felt like a sledgehammer knocking into my chest. My heart was pounding and fluttering as she deepened our kiss - turning her head to the side and moving her lips against mine. I did the same as my grip loosened on her wrists, one going to her waist while the other cradled the area between her cheek and neck. Maria's own soft yet still slightly trembling hands gently resting on my face as our kiss lasted about a minute or two.

Maria was the one to gently break the kiss, nervously smiling up at me and asking; "Johnny, can you sleep with me? I'm scared."

I nodded before responding, "Yeah, of course. Anything, sunshine."

I didn't plan to actually fall asleep with her. More than anything, hold her until I knew she was very much asleep and quietly leave. I don't do this shit. I don't fall asleep next to women. I just fuck them and go. I don't hold. I don't comfort. I barely even kiss. But for her I did. I ended up tossing my knife onto the floor and kicking my boots off before laying underneath the blanket with her. The glow of the lamp casting beautifully over her tan skin that was very much still trembling from fear and adrenaline. The way the tears rolled her puffy but relaxed face as she slept peacefully in my arms. The warmth of her body weight next to mine - providing me with more comfort than the old blanket we shared. Next thing I knew, I was waking up beside her.

God, she's so beautiful.

But I needed to leave. I was going to wait until she woke up but she's clearly too exhausted. I don't blame her. I can only imagine what she went through seeing that older woman get killed in front of her. I've obviously gotten so used to the fact of killin' and seeing people in such brutal conditions that it doesn't phase me anymore. Not to mention I've grown to enjoy it at times. But, she's an outsider. Someone innocent. Someone who didn't have to grow up in this lifestyle. I can only imagine that would be hard for anyone.

I slowly slipped myself out of Maria's grasp, trying my best to not wake her. Thankfully, she was in a very deep sleep to even notice. I gently crawled over top of her, as I was the one closest to the wall, before standing up. I sat on the edge of the rusty and dirty bed, slipping my boots back on before grabbing my knife and slipped it into the back of my jeans. Shit, I didn't even realize I slept in my clothes. I hate sleeping in anything else besides my underwear. So the fact I slept comfortably in my jeans?! I swear to God this girl had some weird witchy spell over me. I pulled the blanket up to Maria's shoulders before placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

"See you later, sunshine." I whispered into her ear. Maria's sleeping body didn't react at all, her breathing slightly heavy as she continued to peacefully have whatever dream she was having.

I exited her room and began to walk through the winding tunnels. Thank God for Grandpa and others connecting our properties through this shit. I really didn't want to come up and hear shit from Drayton or get teased by Nubbins for spending the night. Drayton would just have further reasons to hate me more by "growing soft" for Maria. Part of me didn't care while the other part of me would make him watch that tongue of his before it goes missin' one day.

Mama's house was right next to Drayton, Nubbins, and Grandpa's house. In fact, I could see it from my little shack. So walking through the tunnels wouldn't take long. I needed a moment to clear my mind anyways.

What the fuck am I going to with her? Drayton is hard headed and stubborn as he's constantly bitchin' about finishin' her off already. He thinks there's no reason to spring a "love child" around here and our family is completely fine. Mama of course insists that we carry on the plan unless Grandpa decides to speak up. How can I convince Drayton and the others that Maria is good enough for our family? Good enough for me? That she can be a wonderful addition to our family if they just give her the patience and chance to get used to this life. I wouldn't bear the day that they decide to get rid of her. I'd be damned if they make me do it too. I'd never forgive myself or them - most likely leaving this entire family for good if I don't end up killin' half of them.

I eventually made it back underneath Mama's house. I roamed the familiar tunnels and corridors before walking into our cold room. I can't lie, it's one place I like to visit often. Besides hunting and luring back the meat, I was also in charge of everything else; such as butchering and storing said meat for later. However, with time I decided to slowly collect some of my prized hunts as trophy's. I don't know why. Maybe it's my equivalent to actual animal hunters hangin' up their taxidermied animal heads. But I would slowly collect specific body parts that I did the most damage to that caused them to eventually die. I'd keep it around as much as possible, proud of my accomplishments and also self-criticizing myself on how to do better. I don't do it as much anymore due to Mama complaining about good meat going to waste since they're normally so injured we can't get any proper treatment from them.

I climbed up the ladder from the cold room, ending up right outside my shack. I could've paid Danny a visit before going through the man cave, saying hi to Harold and the other two ex husbands in the process, but decided against it. I needed to get some shit done before dealing with shit-faced Danny. God, I can't wait to tell him that Maria kissed me. I can picture him already; just screamin', cryin', and getting so angry and butt hurt over his precious girlfriend deciding that I'm the better option. I smirked at the thought as I pulled out my set of keys, cycling through them until I found the one for my own personal getaway. I slid the key into the doorknob before twisting, unlocking it, and walking inside.

God, I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything in hours as I was too busy trying to find the trespasser that Sissy warned me about. Sissy was looking in the back with all the cars while Drayton was placing some locks on our doors. I was searching around the house to make sure they didn't get in. Well, Virginia was much quicker than all of us I guess. I didn't expect to see her. I only knew of her thanks to Drayton and the few times she's passed by our gas station. But I could tell by the look on her face that she knew our deepest secrets. She noticed the knife in my hand, growing scared for a split second before trying to attack me and claiming that I did something to her son. Honestly, I don't remember if we did. I don't remember everyone I kill or eat. So, I wouldn't fully doubt if he did end up on our table one night. We struggled in each others grasps before she hit me on the side of the head and ran down the stairs - eventually meeting her end with Hands who was originally out in the front fixing our generator that keeps the front entrance protected. He had just finished fixing it when he came in, saw Virginia, and knew she wasn't supposed to be there - acting quickly to make sure she wouldn't escape and run her mouth.

I opened up my fridge and let out a disappointed sigh. Nothin'. Well, except some ketchup, a few half drank beers, and few eggs that I think are expired at this point. I rolled my eyes as I shut the fridge with the tip of my boot. I scanned around my shack, maybe finding a can of something to eat. But, once again, barely anything. Instead I was welcomed with a shit ton of dirty dishes, trash, and clothes I hadn't washed yet. God, I need to start doing better. But it's hard when this damn family is constantly barkin' orders at you. Not to mention trying to keep up with providing for our family, the gas station, the slaughter house, dealing with fuck-ass Danny, and making sure Maria lives to see another day. I barely have time to piss at this point.

On the counter was a folded up piece of paper. My brows knitted together in confusion as I struggled to remember what it was. I walked over and gently picked it up before unfolding it. The paper and design began to reveal itself along with the text at the bottom. I scanned over the image before realizing it was the missing poster of Maria that Danny handed me at the gas station. I chuckled to myself. What a small fuckin' world, right? What are the off chances of runnin' into that prick while I had Maria under my care? Our gas station is quite a bit aways from their college - about twenty or thirty minutes. Hardly anyone stops here. So the fact that he did and is paying the price? God, that alone in itself is priceless.

I smirked slightly before grabbing three knives I had lying around. I quickly wiped them off my shirt before going over to my couch. Above it was a makeshift wall I put up to create almost a separate room for my extra storage, pantry, and deep freeze which was almost damn near empty. Like I said, food is super tight these days and with people noticing how often people are going missing... it's almost hilarious how we barely have any food. Our slaughterhouse still makes sales but that's also meat we could be eating ourselves. I already mentioned how shit our gas station is. I just wish Drayton would shut that shit down. I held the handle of the knife in my teeth as I pushed Maria's poster up against the makeshift wall. I slammed one knife into the top left corner, pinning it against the wood, before grabbing the larger knife that hung from my mouth. I jabbed it into the top right of the poster and wood, hanging the entire thing above my couch. I stabbed the third one at the bottom so it would further stay in place. There we go! She's technically my girl now, right? She reacted well to me kissing and confessing my feelings 'n shit. Nothin' wrong with wanting to show her off. Plus, who the fuck is gonna see? Nobody has broken in yet although they've tried. If anyone does happen to see, I'll just say it's to keep my head focused on the bigger task at hand.

But in reality? I don't think I could fall asleep without seeing her pretty face.

I smiled softly as I gazed at the hung up poster. Her gentle smile being contagious as her full face, still having baby fat despite being an adult, making her look adorable. I could see why Danny is so hung up over her. Who wouldn't?! She's pretty, sweet, cute, passionate, skilled with that stupid camera, a bit sexy, and has a sharp edge to her. I remembered how just a few days ago I joked about Nubbins being an absolute dumbass. She ended up laughing despite how that skittish chicken shit was about to kill her. God, her beautiful laugh. It was so contagious like her damn genuine smile. Her little series of giggles turned into a full on wheezing laugh - which eventually caused me to break and laugh along with her.

"Havin' fun?"

I quickly turned around to face the person who startled me. My eyes widened as I quickly reached for the beef skinning knife behind me. However - it remained in place as I didn't draw it. In the door frame was Nancy - my mama. She was leaning against the door frame, watching me, with a slight glare in her good eye. Her gaze went from me, to Maria's hung up poster, and back to me.

"Shit!" I scoffed out, "Can't you knock?"

Mama didn't say anything. She raised off the wooden frame and walked over to me - a little limp in her step due to Danny attacking her the other day. She stood beside me as I met her gaze, both of us staring at Maria's poster. We both didn't say anything. Mama's eyes roamed over her portrait before reading the details listed. My own gaze kept on Maria's eyes on the poster - staring into them as if they were hypnotizing me and I couldn't look away. A bittersweet feeling emerged inside of me as I heard my mama let out a frustrated sigh. Part of me enjoyed the moment of silence and just to stare at the woman I love - despite it just being her portrait. Meanwhile, I knew what was coming. I could tell by my mama's body language that she wasn't happy with me - let alone the poster I hung up just now. Her hands slid up her body before resting on her hips - her gaze never leaving the poster.

"Sure is a pretty little thing, ain't she?" Nancy broke the silence. Her voice was layered with venom she tried to cover up but failed. My shoulders tensed as did the air around us. Tearing my gaze off Maria's poster, I looked down at my boots; the tip of the leather scraping across a few splinter sections of the old wooden floor boards. I could tell mama disapproved of Maria. It didn't take a rocket scientist. Despite her wanting a grandchild, I could tell that Maria didn't mean shit to her. I had my own doubts as to why she wanted a grandchild too. I personally don't think it's because she wants to carry on our bloodline and legacy. Our distant cousins - the Hewitt's - are doing just fine. So why do I have to do this shit?! That or maybe Sissy could since she seems the most excited for the marriage and baby. Although I don't think Sissy would make a good wife, maybe she could be a decent mother. I don't know. I just don't quite understand why I'm forced to do this instead of going at my own pace.

I nodded, "Yep."

My expression turned cold. I was trying to hide behind the mask I normally put up around my family. The cold hearted and stuck up Johnny - the man who doesn't give a damn about anyone else. Yet, I'm always the one who's trying to provide the most for our family. But mama knows me a little too well. She's not a stupid woman - rather a very clever one. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my worn out denim jeans as Nancy turned her attention towards me.

"Did you forget the plan?"

"No." I spat out.

Nancy gestured to the poster, "Then what's this?"

I gave a nonchalant shrug as I continued to avoid her gaze, "Reminding myself of the said plan."

Nancy scoffed, "Reminding yourself, sure." Her disappointment and anger echoed throughout the little shack. I closed my eyes as my jaw clenched, trying to not let her get to me. But with each passing second she hung around, the more I could feel my own anger and resentment building inside of me. Why the fuck is she so pissed off for?! I don't judge her for having pictures of Harold and her other ex husband's still hung on the wall - let alone their god damn corpses in our basement. I let out a deep sigh as my mama walked over to my freezer chest and leaned her back against it. She continued, "Seriously, Johnny - do you think I'm stupid? I know you grew a soft spot for her."

"So what if I did?!" I snapped back, throwing my hands down at my sides. "What does it matter to you?"

Nancy's brows raised as she looked me up and down. Despite my own frustration rising, I felt a little intimidated by her. Ever since finding out the truth when I was younger, mama has known what to say or do in order to make me cower in fear. I fucking hate it and she knows it. I hate that she claims to love me and I'm her "sweet boy" but still treats me like I'm a prisoner. Well, technically I am due to not being able to successfully escape from her old ass. Part of me is envious on how Sissy managed to escape the family for almost a year, travelin' to California and hanging out with that Charlie guy she was in love with. She left because he got convicted of murderin' a pretty actress and wanted no part of it. Came back crying on our doorstep one October night claimin' she was sorry, missed us, and hopin' that her Charlie wouldn't get caught. Well, he did along with a few others of their little gang. Apparently, he and others committed around nine murders plus some that they're still not sure they're linked to. Sissy admitted to hitchhiking to California, murderin' people mainly because she needed to, and hanging out and falling in love with him - even being engaged at one point. But when Charlie went to that fancy prison cell of his, Sissy tried to reach out to him, wonderin' if their wedding was still planned. He apparently wrote her back, callin' her a coward for runnin' off the night he got arrested, and to never speak to him again. Despite all that, Sissy still talks about him highly and hopes he changes his mind. Despite Charlie being in that big fancy prison, Sissy is convinced that the marriage would work out.

It wouldn't.

Nancy crossed her arms over her chest, glaring up at me. I glared back - trying to hold my ground - but my face twitched in the process. I wanted to yell at her but I learned from last time. It wouldn't do me any good - just another scar across my face. Nancy looked back at Maria's poster before back at me, anger boiling inside of her.

"What does it matter?" Nancy repeated with disbelief, "Maybe everything our entire family has worked hard for?"

"Yours." I corrected her, "Your family has worked for."

Nancy shook her head, "Don't even start with that shit, Johnny! You are part of our family - you're my son! I raised you as my own blood and taught you everything I know. So has Drayton and Hands. The least you can do is be grateful for the life I gave you."

"You took my life from me." I raised my voice slightly at her, my emotions starting to get harder and harder to control. I avoided eye contact with her as Nancy's hands clenched onto the freezer chest, trying to control her own anger. She was probably clutching on it as to not get her own anger out of control.

"I gave you the life of a real and capable mother!"

I argued back, "You don't know that."

Nancy's voice only got louder as she was now yelling at me, "I SAVED YOU!"

"YOU FUCKIN' KILLED HER!" I finally snapped. Nancy's angered expression turned into shock as my words echoed off the flimsy shack walls and lingered in the tensed air. I looked up at the woman who claimed to love me - let alone my mother - as tears whelmed in my eyes. Tears of anger, disgust, betrayal, and fear. My jaw clenched due to my teeth grinding together and refusing to let the tears fall from my eyes - not wanting to appear weak in front of her. She would probably find some type of satisfaction in it. I took a shaky deep breath before continuing; "Fourteen years. Fourteen fucking years you lied to me - everyone did. I believed that I came from you. I believed that I was your own blood and belonged in the family. Fourteen years of mistreatment and not understandin' why. I had to find out THROUGH FUCKIN' NUBBINS!" I yelled and grabbed a plate off my couch. I threw the dirty dish at the wall where it shattered into a billion pieces - almost like diamonds. Mama didn't flinch as she kept her eyes on me - her expression emotionless.

"Johnny, I-"

"NO!" I raised my finger and pointed it at her face while taking a step towards her, my glare cutting daggers into her face. "I've let you fuckin' speak for years. I got mother fuckin' proof of that shit! It's my fuckin' turn." I gestured to the scar on my face, reminding her of the last time I tried to speak my mind against her, before expressing more;

"I love you to no end, but don't think for a second that I've gone and forgotten what you did all those years ago. You told me for years that I was your son, your fuckin' pride and joy or what-ever-the-fuck! Every time the rest of the family teased me of lookin' nothing like them, I questioned you. I questioned my entire existence. What did you do, huh?! You kept that fuckin' mouth shut. I sat awake looking through our family portraits tryin' to find even the slightest similarities and gaslight myself that I looked similar to our fuckin' distant relatives. You knew that and sat back. You hid my mother from me. You hid my entire real identity from me. I asked you to tell the truth and you know what fuckin happened?!" I pointed back to the scar on my face, tracing over the lines I knew too well. From the top of my left eyebrow, stopping at my upper eyelid, but picking back up and branching off into two lines - right under my bottom eyelid and onto my cheek. The amount of nights I stared at myself in the mirror, cleaning the wound until it properly scarred - or even wondering what exactly I did wrong to deserve that type of permanent treatment.

"THIS is what fuckin' happened!" I spat at her before lowering my hand, "If you're supposed to be my mother then why the fuck did you hide my past from me? Why didn't you speak up for me against the family? Why the fuck did you have to attack me?! A mother doesn't do that. Now, you're bitchin' and complain' that you want a grandchild. Why?! Because I don't want to be around your ass anymore? Gotta move onto the next fuckin' child to destroy? Are you that desperate to not let me - the only fuckin' man who has dealt with your ass - go and run free that you need a piece of me?! Wasn't taking away my mother and old life enough? My own fuckin' freedom? Now that I find someone that I give a shit about, you want to get rid of her. I'm sorry that I don't want you to be the only woman in my life, mama. Didn't know I was fuckin' marrying you instead - but I guess that child will be yours instead, right?!"

Nancy remained quiet as she listened to me. For the first time ever, she was shutting that fuckin' mouth of hers. However, the glare never left her eyes as did her grip on the freezer. By now, her knuckles were whiter than her cloudy and blinded eye. I let out a low and frustrated growl from the back of my throat. I paced the room before resting the palms of my hands on the counter near my fridge. I placed all the weight there as my head hung forward, my shoulders tense and starting to ache, as my glare roamed over the sink filled with dirty plates below me. The clock on the wall filled the empty silence between us for a while, both of us processing my sudden outburst. I didn't dare to look at her as my years of resentment finally being accepted after years of trying to give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Years of trying to understand. Years of blaming myself. Years of trying to accept the truth. Years of trying to forgive. Years of trying to move on. But, I couldn't forgive or forget no matter how hard I tried.

I never will.

"I know you think you know what's best for me, but you have got to learn to let me go." I finished with a sigh of my own. After a moment, Nancy took a deep inhale before slowly letting it out through her nose. I could hear the floorboards creak as Nancy raised herself off the freezer chest, walking over back to Maria's poster. Raising my head, I could see the slight reflection of her through the window above the sink I still hovered above. She kept her back towards me as her one good eye roamed over Maria's missing persons poster that Danny had gifted me. Despite her getting upset with me earlier, she was calm. Almost scarily too calm. Nancy gave a little nod as she was lost in her own thoughts, still processing everything I had said. Her hands slid onto hips again as she lowered her head - her gaze now on my messy makeshift couch-bed and trash around the surrounding area.

"Fine." Mama said coldly, finally breaking the tension. "You wanna know the truth, Johnny?"

I scoffed, "I've been only askin' that my entire life." Nancy didn't respond to my comment. Instead, she noticed a few knives on the wooden make-shift wall I made that hung Maria's portrait on. Not the ones I had hung it up with, but three in the top right corner of the entire wooden board. She walked over to the excess knives, putting one hand on it as she gripped one. With a slight grunt, she pulled the deeply wedged knife out and held it in the palm of her hand.

"Well... you're no stranger to what I did to your... mother." Nancy had finally spoken, venom and disgust rolling off her tongue before she continued; "But everything else you mentioned? Sure, I admit it. I don't want you out of my life - I have loved and tried to raise you as if you're my own blood. But since you want to remind me of my mistakes - don't think I've also forgotten what you've done either. Remember all those damn girls that you've had close calls with?! Who was there to help clean up those damn messes? Who did you come runnin' home to, screamin' and cryin', wonderin' if the damn police were gonna catch you? You're reckless, Johnny. You have no actual idea how the real world is and how bad it'll treat you. How easy your ass will get caught when you don't have backup to clean up after you. I know you want to get away - I remember everything just like you. So what if I want a grandbaby?! If you want to run off so badly - who cares about what we do with it, right? If you want that little pest of yours to fall in love with - think again. She never will. She's too committed to that other guy - who I also had to help you out with - so you could keep him alive and boost your fragile ego. Face it, Johnny. You're nothing without me and this family."

I cut her off, "That's not fuckin' true."

"Then go." Nancy shrugged, "Go and don't return back to us. But just know that if you leave with that girl, it's only a matter of time she leaves and turns you in. If you keep her here, she's immediately becoming our dinner. No matter what you choose, you'll never be welcomed back. You're right, you're not blood like Sissy who we allowed back. You're an outsider and will be treated as such."

I froze slightly at her words. An outsider? Is that how she and the entire family has viewed me this entire time?! Just an extra hand from a prisoner to help them with their dirty work? I wasn't allowed to leave no matter how many times I've begged and attempted to. Am I no better than the people we've held captive - like Maria or Danny? This entire time, was I actually just one of them?! I shouldn't let her get under my skin - as that's probably her goal. But it's hard to not have the rushing thoughts from all those years ago when I found out the truth.

"An... outsider?" I asked hesitantly. My eyes roamed over Nancy's reflection in the window who had walked back over to Maria's poster. Her grip tightened on the knife before she raised it - stabbing it through the poster and even wooden board. The knife was wedged deep in the center of Maria's forehead - confirming exactly what I needed to know. Not only was Maria's life on the line - but now mine. If I don't continue to obey and be a part of this family, I'll have the same fate as the other meat we've held captive before. Nancy slowly turned around and looked at me through the reflection of the window - her good eye making contact with my own. We held the gaze as her expression was cold - no longer angry or maybe even loving as I was used to it being. She changed. At this moment, I was no longer her son.

I was a prisoner and have been this entire time.

"The choice is yours. Do what you will." Nancy simply stated before swinging the door of my shack open. She limped out before slamming the door behind her - causing the walls to rattle slightly. Once again, she had left me alone to deal with shit by myself. Just like when I found out the truth about Judith. I squeezed my eyes shut as my nails scraped against the tiled countertops. My jaw aches - along with my shoulders - as they were tense and clenched due to the stress and anger. A low growl escaped the back of my throat before it erupted into a full guttural scream. It echoed off the walls as I shoved myself off the countertop and sink.

I couldn't control my anger anymore - I had reached my limit.

My arms slid across the countertops as a bunch of dirty plates fell onto the floor - shattering around me. My breathing intensified as I could feel one of the veins in my temple start to throb violently. I let out another yell as I began to kick the doors of the counters, my boot puncturing the wood the same way she did to my face all those years ago. I kicked the plates and empty beer bottles on the floor, causing the mess to intensify as I threw my much overdue tantrum. I slammed my fists against the counters - causing the entire area to shake violently as if an earth quake was happening. Why the fuck did she do this to me?! I was a fuckin' baby when she ripped me away from my life! I could've had a proper mother and family who loved me - one that didn't have to kill for food, protection, or for the fuckin' hell of it! I could've properly went to school. I could've had friends that weren't just my supposed family members who fuckin' taunted me my entire life. I could've had a proper career where people would look up and congratulate me instead of barking orders down my back - wanting me to become a perfectionist in something that I know is wrong but have sickly enjoyed to love. In the back of my head, I knew killin' and enjoyin' it was wrong. No sane and normal person does this shit! But I trusted mama all these years that I tried not to question it. She and this entire family had corrupted me into enjoying and becoming addicted to this shit. Without being related to them at all, they've incorporated this lifestyle into my blood. I should've known that I was different from them all those years ago. The only one who didn't like to kill that much was Drayton - but knew he still needed to at times.

Sometimes, I wish he would be nicer to me. We could've bonded over that part.

I didn't even realize but tears had begun to run down my face. I choked out a sob as I bit my lower lip, trying to repress it all with another angered and betrayed growl escaping my throat. I paced the room as my fists clenched into tight balls - my knuckles turning white. I began to shake from the anger and trying to stifle back my cries. I guess I've never had an actual mother my entire life, huh? I threw my head back at the thought before raising one of my fists. I stormed over to the wooden panel - ready to punch it - but stopped in my tracks. I caught myself about to punch Maria's poster. My entire body froze in place, my fist still reared back, as I gazed into her eyes on the portrait. God, I can't fucking do this. I wanted and needed to leave this fuckin' family. But not if that means leaving her behind to suffer before dying. But I also knew I couldn't let her escape - as she'd most likely turn us all in.

Fuck.

FUCK!

I lowered my fist as my blurred and teary eyes scanned over Maria's features. My body went limp as I dropped to my knees in front of her portrait and the couch. I rested my arms on the blankets that rested on the place I sleep - my gaze never leaving the printed portrait. I continued to cry as the anger was soon replaced with sadness and realization. I was a prisoner just like she is - not being able to escape from the family. The very family that taught me to kill innocent people with no regrets or mercy. The same family that made me numb to gutting our own species like cattle. The same family that has gotten me addicted to the hunt, thrill, and adrenaline of seeing someone on the verge of death. The same family that has treated me like shit and did their dirty work or else I'd get harassed or even beaten.

I couldn't let Maria go through that. No matter if she's kept as a prisoner, forced to become part of our family, or even killed... I couldn't let her fate be this way. But I don't know what to do. I don't want her to die but I also don't want to die either. I want a chance at a life that I have my own control of. Maria had already gotten a taste but I never have. Is that selfish?! It is, isn't it? The only thing I could imagine doing is think and plan more - trying to get us both the freedom we both crave. Maybe distance myself slightly from her so mama and the others don't see her as an easy target. But then again, they could see I'm cold with her and find it okay to slaughter her at any moment. I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. One thing I did know was that I will eventually get the fuck away from here.

No matter what it takes.