AN/: HELLLOOOO! Sorry this took a good minute too! Been having job interviews and such. Y'all are just seeing me become more of an adult and I apologize LMAO! It was also a slight struggle to write this for personal reasons - the same reasons within Johnny's flashback chapter of how he got his scar. I'm not gonna get into it but if you know, you know. ALSO! Someone hacked my X account?! They didn't do anything and I was able to change my password so hopefully it's all good now. Just very strange. I've also been watching more movies and been in contact with Damian, Johnny's VA, and have a little friendship going with him! We talk about movies and he's recommended me some to watch. So... if you guys want something to watch... try "Black Christmas"! The original 1970's version. It's his favorite movie and I gave it a shot. I LOVED IT! The moment where Billy sticks his eye out of the closet will forever haunt me - which says a lot because most horror movies don't scare me anymore. Anyways! Enough yapping! I hope you enjoy! :)

April 15th, 1973

10:21pm

Nancy's House

An Hour Before

Song recommendation: "Tell Mama" by The Civil Wars

Tell Mama

Johnny

-.-

I know I keep bitchin' about it, but Maria's little friends are a handful. I had to string one of her friends up next to that greasy-haired fuck head of hers. Not to mention how hysterical that girl with the braid was. I needed Sissy to knock her ass out a few times. That only left Ana, Maria's little sister. She's a fucking feisty one, that's for damn sure. I don't know how Maria has put up with her if she's always been like that. Sure, Maria had a mouth on her at times but I was able to work shit out with her. Ana seemed to be blinded by her own stubbornness to the point of not trying to hear me out. Just a little ball full of rage. Which, to a degree, I do understand why. My family and I took her and their friends. However, I'm also agreeing to keep her alive with Maria. The ungrateful bitch can at least be nicer to me. I don't even want her alive! If I truly had shit my way, all these fuckers would've been dead from the start. But killing them all at once would probably not be smart and very tiring to clean up after. Plus I know Maria has been missing her sister and that little boy in a man's body. The least I can do is keep her sister alive, giving her someone else to talk to besides Sissy, and maybe growing our family a bit bigger.

I was walking upstairs from a garage when I needed something to eat and drink. Normally, I don't come into mama's house unless I really need something - such as to take a piss or a shower. I would rummage around in my shack for food, but I barely had anything. I can't stand another moment of having to eat a can of fucking baked beans. Do you know how gassy those fuckers make you?! I could fill the entire car graveyard with my own gas alone!

Too much?

Too much.

My leather boots scuffed across the wooden floor boards before stopping in front of the fridge. I needed something - literally anything. Despite still being on rough terms with mama still; I was still grateful for her cooking. It's delicious! I prefer it over Drayton's damn chili any day. Plus mama sometimes uses actual meat for her dishes - such as the few pigs we grow at a time and split it amongst everyone. It's rough here. We don't have enough food to keep ourselves fed or the few live-stock we have either which is another reason we resort to hunting the real meat.

I don't know the difference in taste anymore.

Opening the refrigerator door, I noticed she didn't have a whole lot to offer. I only saw some basic ingredients or leftovers of the meatloaf she made a few days ago. Or was it a week ago? Shit, all my days are mixing together and I can barely remember anymore. I rummaged around - not spotting anything special to eat or even drink except some sweet tea. I wrinkled my nose at everything before getting a good idea. A genius one - perhaps. I grabbed the glass jar of milk mama had in the fridge, placed it on the counter with a glass, before rummaging through a few cabinets. Come on, where the hell is it?! I saw it a few months ago. Ain't no way she used it all! I pushed a bunch of seasonings and little containers around before I finally spotted what I was looking for. Wait… is that what I think it is?!

Bingo!

I grabbed the little container before opening it and grabbing a spoon nearby. I scooped around four large tablespoons of the brown powder before dumping it into the milk. Actually, y'know what, let's add another just for good luck. I mixed it the best I could with the spoon before raising the glass to my lips and taking a large gulp. I smiled wide before letting out a satisfying sigh.

God, I love chocolate milk!

Besides beer and whiskey, it's probably my most favorite drink in the world. It brings me back to being a kid while playing with my toy guns and mini cowboy figures in the dirt. That or sneaking some before bed and mama would get angry at me but let me finish the glass so we wouldn't waste anything. It's always been a comfort thing of mine for some odd reason. Shit, I even have some powder in my shack! Just hard to afford milk or groceries in general these days. More than anything, it's more like a reward to me. I put the milk and cocoa powder back before resting my lower back against the counter. I took a few more sips before looking towards the large window in the living room. Right outside, within our mini sunflower field, was mama hard at work. She normally works in the mornings on her flowers. So the fact that she's out there so late and not in bed meant a few things; she was severely stressed out and couldn't sleep.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand before heading towards the front door. She's probably still upset about our talk - if you even want to call it that. Part of me felt guilty for how harsh I was while the other part wasn't. Not to mention what she implied at the end - saying I would just be like the meat; that the family won't hesitate to kill me if I end up betraying them. It makes me worried for the few family members I do actually give a shit about. Such as little Jedidiah for example! That kid has a big heart and wears it on his sleeve. But within this family and world, I fear it's gonna kill him. I'd hate for him to betray the family and see what happens to him. Would he end up with the same realization and same weariness that I've had since mama spoke to me?

That's a situation I don't want to be present for.

My heels clicked against the brick pathway before stopping near mama. She was pulling some weeds that were starting to swallow the sunflowers. She had on a pair of her yellow gardening gloves, using the same tool that she had struck me with all those years ago. I shifted uncomfortably while crossing my arms over my chest. I hate that she kept it. I know we don't have the money to just buy new things all the time, but sometimes I wish she got rid of it. It was a gruesome reminder of what I went through all those years ago. It doesn't help that it's starting to rust and not work perfectly anymore. What even is the name for the damn tool? A mini gardening hoe? Or was it a terra tiller? Either way, I fucking hated it still after all these years. I ain't one for being a coward unless it's mama and the reminder of what she did with that tool. It's weird, I still have a strong hatred and underlying fear of her; yet I feel severely guilty and just want things to go back to how they were. The way she'd pinch my cheek as I gently pushed her away. The way I told her I didn't want any of her cookies yet she'd sneak a few onto my plate anyways. The way she always made sure to have cocoa powder for me. I can't fully be angry at her, right? She did treat me like I came from her all these years. Despite our rough times, she was always there to comfort and help me out of any trouble I had gotten myself into. Deep down she probably still loves me, right?

Right?

I crouched down beside her and gently picked up the extra pair of yellow gloves beside her. I slipped them on before grabbing a pair of what looked to be scissors. I began to snip away at the excess weeds as I tried to help her out. Mama froze before looking over at me. I don't dare to look at her. I keep my focus on getting the pesky weeds out of her flowers. I would snip and pull them out before placing them in the pile between us. After a few minutes of working in silence, mama took a long sigh before breaking the silence.

"Johnny," she started while looking over at me, "I wanna talk about the other day."

I shook my head as I continued to work, "Which part exactly?"

Mama gently sat her tool down before fully facing me and sitting on her knees. From the corner of my eye, I could see the expression on her face. She looked sorrowful. I didn't know if I should believe it or not. It could be another way to keep me here longer. But I needed to get out. I needed to somehow escape with Maria before she notices that her little friends are here. Then again, Ana is here too. Maria would never forgive me if I left her behind. Maybe she'd get over that boy-toy of hers but I know she'd never ever forgive me for Ana.

"All of it, what I said wasn't right. " Mama confessed before continuing, "I know you're a smart man, Johnny. I've always known that. However, you just get so… obsessed with things! You get so obsessed with an idea and it ends up biting you in the ass. That's what I was trying to get at; don't get attached to her and focus on the bigger picture."

I shook my head, "You don't get it."

"I don't?!" Mama scoffed, "May I remind you I had three husbands that I truly loved?! What about Bones?! I love him, Johnny!" Mama and Bones… they sure as shit go back. When mama killed Harold, she had dumped his body down by Devils River. She thought nobody would look for him or even find his body. However, someone did and reported it. They identified his body - calling mama and uncle Hands to confirm the body. When mama arrived, she met the mortician who called himself Bones at the time. I don't even remember his real name as he's gone by so many different ones over the years - even before us. Mama and him hit it off and she confessed to murdering him. Bones wasn't surprised and actually confessed he's killed a few folks too. Mama and him have a very on-again and off-again type of relationship. I never liked him - always blaming me for Nubbins going down to the graveyard and diggin' peoples corpses up. I can't control what the damn bastard does when I ain't around! I've told him to stop going there but he doesn't listen to anybody else but himself. But due to Bones being a mortician, it's been easier for us to dispose of people. Plus he's friends with the Sheriff and other people within the police department which has worked out in all of our favors. It's funny how a little bit of hush money and discounted meat can go a long way.

I finally looked over at her, "You mean the husband's that you ended up killing?"

Mama rolled her eyes before sighing deeply once more, "Johnny… I've already told you. Once I told you the truth about me not being able to… y'know… the real reason I killed them was different! One cheated on me, another tried to hurt Grandpa, and the last one tried to kidnap you and run off! Hands was so pissed over Harold doing that - that's probably another reason why Hands tried to teach you his way of killing." I nodded as she spoke although I still had mixed feelings about what she was saying. If she truly loved those men, she would have talked it out with them. Well, except the first piece of shit - the guy who cheated on her. However, Harold and the second husband could've been discussed. Except mama went straight for the kill. She looked over at me before asking, "Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

I shrugged, "Kinda? I mean, I get you might've had to do it. But it still doesn't make it right. I wouldn't do that if I loved someone so much."

Mama chuckled, "You talkin' about that floozy of yours?! Johnny, you need to let her go. Ain't no way in hell does she love you. Not to mention but you barely know her! You can't fall in love with someone you had just met - you're just obsessed with the idea of her."

I shake my head, "That's not true. She loves me, I can tell by the way she kisses me back. It tells me everything I need to know." Mama stopped digging as she looked over at me again. Her good eye widened in shock as the words escaped my mouth. She obviously never would've guessed my relationship with Maria would get this far. Is it a relationship? Maria had kissed me several times and agreed to everything. That has to mean something, right?! I continued to talk without looking mama in the eyes, "I love her, mama. I really do. I know that's stupid of me to say but I'm in love with her. I think she'd be a great addition to the family once she gets used to how things work 'round here. She's already fond of me! It's just everyone else that she needs to warm up to."

Mama shook her head, "I ain't calling her my daughter-in-law!"

I turned towards her with a light scoff, "I was never gonna ask that from you! Just like you never asked me to call Harold my pops before… well… y'know! You doin' that shit to him! I just… I want a life, y'know? I want my own house and-"

Mama cut me off, "What's wrong with the shack?!"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes at her, "A shack can only be a shack for so long. Plus I wouldn't mind having a working toilet nearby instead of walking across the yard, into the garage, upstairs, and then to our bathroom. It's a hassle. I would prefer my own entire space instead of something so small."

"I never told you to move out there." Mama protested.

I sighed loudly and closed my eyes before speaking, "I know that! But why do you think I did?! It's because of shit like this! I can't constantly be around you because you're so… controlling! I love you, mama. Trust me, I really do. I'd go to hell and back for you despite everything we've been through. But it's like I told you; you need to learn to let me go. I'm reaching my thirties and you still treat me like a kid who lives in a bubble. I want my own house, I want someone to call my girl, and I want to shit without being questioned or judged. I'm at an adult age and want to be treated as such."

Mama remained quiet for a bit - staring ahead at the patch of sunflowers in front of us. Her expression saddened before she looked down at her gloved hands - clutching the tool tightly. My own body tenses as I fear she's going to strike me again. But she doesn't. Instead, she swallows the lump in her throat as her voice cracks under pressure.

"I know, Johnny. I know this is all you've ever wanted. I just… I'm not ready to let that go. I waited years for a baby and then God gave me you. I haven't had any other children since then. I don't want my baby boy to grow up - I just want him to stay young forever."

I sighed sadly as I set the pair of scissors down, "I know, mama. But there comes a time and a place that you have to accept this shit and move on. I'm always going to be that little boy in your heart. But I'm no different from you, Hands, Bones, and Drayton these days. I'm an adult now. One day I'll be in charge of runnin' things 'round here like he stated before. One day you won't be around and I'll have to do this shit all by myself. I can't do that if I'm constantly underneath your wing."

Mama took her glasses off and wiped her good eye - smearing a little bit of dirt on her cheek. Tears gently rolled down her face as she nodded her head. Was she finally understanding?! I reached forward and gently touched her face - my yellow gloved thumb wiping away the tear that rolled down her face. I don't think I'll ever get closure for what she did with Judith. However, I don't think she'll get proper closure from not having her sweet little boy anymore. In a way, we're both disappointed in each other and grieving over something. I move one arm to wrap around her shoulder, bringing her close to my chest. Despite not getting much comfort once I became a young teenager, I knew how to comfort mama. It's kinda fucked, isn't it? I gently rubbed my hand against her short sleeve and upper arm - trying my best to calm her down. Tears rolled quickly down her face as she tried to accept my words.

"Does she treat you well?" Mama asked, stumping me in my tracks. Is she actually asking about Maria?! My eyes widened slightly at her question before I smiled wide, nodding at her.

"She does." I admitted with a gentle smile, "She's made me smile and laugh more than I have in years. I think she truly is something special, mama." Mama didn't say anything as she continued to wipe her eyes. She sniffled and took a deep breath before slowly letting it out - trying to calm herself down. Her good eye looked over at the sunflower I was desperately trying to attend before chuckling at my poor gardening skills.

"Your weeding skills need some damn work."

I lightly laughed back, "I ain't no expert like you or Sissy."

"After all these years of watching us, you should be." Mama playfully shoved me which resulted in me rolling my eyes again. We enjoyed the sound of crickets chirping around us - singing their little songs as we tried to calm down. Although she didn't properly apologize to me, I can tell by her crying and being remorseful of what she was trying to get at. At least I hoped so. This isn't the first time that I've had this talk with her - or someone else within our family - which resulted in her boo-hoo crying and saying that she just misses her baby. Then she treated me differently for a few short days and went right back to her original ways.

I just wish she'd just stop all of this bullshit.

Suddenly, I heard something in the far distance. My brows knitted together in confusion as I tried to focus in on the sound. I turned around - looking towards mama's house. The front door was still open due to me not shutting it behind me. Due to that, the sound was much louder compared to what it could've been. I politely excused myself from mama, going to investigate the sound. My heels clicked against the winding brick path - almost like that story about the girl who wasn't in Kansas anymore. Except this place is the gruesome reality of home for me.

As I walked closer, I recognized the sound. It was our little black rotary phone in the living room. Mama would often talk to Luda - catching up and gossiping about people within the family. Our little phone used to be in the entrance hall but the phone calls only got longer and longer, wanting mama to sit down and continue the conversation. So, after hooking everything up in the living room, it's now near our entertainment center - where the radio and mama's record player also sat. Who the hell was callin' us this late?! It had to be someone within the family. The little black phone rang a few more times before I walked over and leaned against the flower patterned wallpaper - the one right beside the clock that hung on the wall nearby. Speaking of clocks, did you know mama had five clocks in the first level of her house? Yep! It was because I was struggling to tell time so she put a damn clock everywhere. One on the wall in our entrance hall, our large grandfather clock that was an heirloom, the one next to the phone, one was in the kitchen, and the final one was in my old bedroom - which was now Bones' whenever he came over to visit. Which doesn't matter because he ends up sleeping with mama in her room anyways. Ew! Just fuckin' ew! I'd rather not picture what they do while I'm in my shack. Wait… now I'm fuckin' picturing it. Well, it looks like I'm drinking myself to sleep tonight.

I picked the phone up and held it up to my ear before answering, "It's Johnny."

"JOHNNY!" Drayton screamed on the other end. I winced in pain and held the phone away from my ear with a scoff.

"Yeah?!" I asked annoyingly, "Need help changing your shitty ass diaper again?!"

"YOU DAMN IGNORANT BRAT!" Drayton yelled on the other end which resulted in me smirking, "YOU DAMN FOOL! BECAUSE OF YOU, THEY'RE ALL ESCAPING!"

That quickly wiped the smirk off my face. My blood ran cold as I felt my even colder heart sink to a pit within my stomach. Escaping? All of them?! No way! Maybe one or two but no way Maria and all her little friends were trying to escape. How?! Didn't we tie them up well enough?! Did Maria run into one of them? Nonsense! She's still in her little room, right? Right?! I could feel an intense panic rise as I tried to keep my composure on the surface - not wanting to appear weak towards Drayton or mama who was still in her garden.

"What do you-"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I MEAN, BOY?!" He shouted louder than before, obviously furious by my question. He began to mumble to himself before finally speaking up again, "JOHNNY, IF THEY ESCAPE WE'RE DONE FOR!"

"The hell do you want to do about it then?!" I finally snapped at him - my worry started to mix with my frustration and anger.

He took a deep breath before speaking clearer and calmer than before, "Kill everyone on site - including that damn girl of yours! We can't risk them getting loose. It's gotten way too far and we have no choice."

Kill on site? Maria?! I felt my stomach do a major flip as I finally understood the weight of this situation and what it meant for her. She had to die. There was no way she could stay here with me. Or somehow both of us escape this damn family together. This was the end of our journey together. It was hard but… it had to be done.

"I… I understand." I had stated coldly - trying to cover up the amount of mixed emotions I was starting to feel. I pull the phone away from my face as I squeeze my eyes shut - not wanting to follow through with this. I don't have the strength to kill her. I can't! I know it's weird for a cold-hearted serial killer and cannibal to feel guilt and remorse - not wanting to hunt the innocent for once. But I genuinely love Maria. I was trying to keep her safe this entire time. All of that time, energy, emotion, and overall love was for… for nothing?! It felt like someone was starting to stab their way into my heart - twisting the knife deeper and deeper until I'm begging for them to stop. But I can't beg. I can't plead. I can't try to reason or else it's me in this situation instead of her. I swallowed hard before putting the phone back to my ear, "Don't touch her - I'll kill her myself. She was my responsibility and will die as mine too."

"You bet your damn ass she is! You caused this mess, you damn well better finish it too!" Drayton barked back, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Oh! One more thing while we're at it." I gripped the phone harder as I leaned closer into the phone; "If you see that man of hers, leave him be."

Drayton paused before asking, "And why the hell is that?!"

I simply stated back, "Because he's mine."