Summary:

An important conversation after the party.

Notes:

In case it wasn't super clear, the Arctic hasn't happened in this Universe yet.

Penny woke up with a headache, she stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling. Yesterday's events played in a loop in her head.

The headache was only made worse by the message on her phone from Dani. 'Hey Cowgirl, can we talk?'

Cursing under her breath Penny mashed her face against the pillow, she knew what this talk would be about and she hated it. Yesterday's party was still too fresh on her mind. But she knew that she needed to face the music.

'Sure, want to call me? I'm going to make breakfast.' She replied and went to do exactly that.

Shitty coffee with no milk, because there was no way in hell she was going to 4A this morning. An even shittier 7/11 donut and a cup of yogurt with granola and she was set for the morning.

It didn't take long for her phone to ring. After greeting each other and dancing for a couple of minutes around the reason for the call, Penny finally bit the bullet.

"So…you wanted to talk?"

"...Yeah…" Dani cleared her throat and her 'mom voice' made an appearance. "Sweetie, I just wanted to call you because of what happened at the party."

Penny took a drink of the scalding hot coffee, trying to mask the burn of humiliation with the burn of the coffee.

"We know he might be nice to you but…well, Katia felt very uncomfortable, not to mention Carly before that. I don't think he could answer what color her eyes are."

Penny stayed quiet, she didn't make any noise, hoping that the building would collapse and take her along.

"Jonjon was also put off because of his macho attitude. You know how he feels about that because of his dad…and not to mention how he reacted to Erica's comment about Sheldon and him being similar."

Penny eyed the bottle of wine on top of the fridge. Just one drink. But Sheldon's words about her becoming an alcoholic rang in her head and she decided against it.

"We're just worried. Just know that we're here for you. Okay?"

Penny knew that Dani meant it. She initially met her and the rest through Kurt but they soon became more of her friends than his. And after the breakup it became more obvious whose side they were on.

"I…I'm so confused." Penny choked out. "Leonard is not a bad guy, I swear!"

"I believe you Honey. I do."

"He's nicer than some of the guys I've dated, he's smart and he's got a stable job." Penny started to ramble. "Sure, he can be a bit boring and usually we drink too much when we're together but-"

"Woah, woah, slow down there Cowgirl." Dani interrupted her. "Look, I do believe you. But from what we saw he doesn't seem that great of a catch…specially when he's ogling and chasing other women while you're there in the room with him. If he's like that in front of you then I can only wonder how he is on his own."

"It's not-" Penny tried to interrupt but Dani kept going.

"Which makes me wonder. Are you dating him because you want to date him? Or because you feel sorry for him?"

Penny couldn't reply.

"Or is it that you felt obligated to date him?"

Silence on the line.

"Honey, I'm no therapist, but I've been in enough shitty relationships to recognize when others are in the same boat and Penny, darling, your boat looks creaky as shit."

Penny still couldn't say anything.

"Also, some people are wonderful as friends but become nightmares when dating. Boundaries are a fantastic thing."

"I am so confused." Penny finally said.

Dani let out a breath. "Now Cowgirl, I'm going to send you a link to a website. I want you to take a quiz. And don't worry, you don't have to give me the results. But maybe it's time for you to take a closer look at your relationship."

"Okay." Penny said in a subdued voice.

"Love you Cowgirl."

"I love you too and…thanks Dani."

"Anytime. You'd do the same for me."

The call ended and Penny was left feeling raw. Dani's questions hurt, because Penny couldn't answer them herself.

She didn't truly know why she said yes to dating Leonard.

Her phone pinged and it was a message from Dani with only a link to a site.

' quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?'

"Sheldon Cooper speaking." Sheldon answered his phone as he put away his markers and notebooks. It was almost lunch time and he was preparing to leave his office.

"Hey Sheldon. I'm just calling to confirm that we're still up for tomorrow night." Jon's cheery voice answered him and Sheldon could easily picture the smiling young man.

"Hello Jon. That is correct. Can you confirm that you will pick me up?"

"Yepyep, I'll meet you at four thirty outside your building."

"Excellent. I have already prepared all the materials needed."

"That's great! We can't wait. I was also calling because I wanted to know if you had a favorite soda? I'm doing a grocery run."

Sheldon paused. He shouldn't…but it was not very often that he could indulge in soda. "Mountain Dew please."

Jon laughed. "Same as Brian. Okay cool, we'll be well prepared then. Do you need any healthy snacks or something?"

"Healthy snacks?"

"Yeah, we're going to have chips, pretzels and such, but if you don't eat that I can buy you some bagel chips or baby carrots or something."

"No. Regular snacks will do. Thank you."

"No worries man. Also we're going to order pizza, you cool with that?"

"From where?"

"Giacomo's."

"Excellent, Thursdays nights are usually pizza nights from Giacomo's, so while my usual schedule will be disrupted, a familiar dinner will help maintain a sense of normalcy."

"Great to hear that, I'll see you tomorrow man."

"Goodbye Jon."

Sheldon hung up his phone just as Leonard and the rest approached him outside his office.

"Hey buddy, who were you talking to?" Wolowitz asked him.

Sheldon titled his head. "Do you really want to know?"

"Great question and the answer is no." Wolowitz admitted. "Let's go people, I hear we have a new cute cashier at the cafeteria and it's a crime to deprive her of my charm."

Sheldon followed behind the group as they bantered among themselves. He ignored them and instead focused on his plans for tomorrow.

He would teach them all the basics of the game, but Brian would need special attention. The man was certainly more creative than the rest and seemed to like telling stories. He was the one that had created a scenario for the Fantasy Football league which had prompted Sheldon to tell them about DnD. Brian would make for a good DM.

"Sheldon!" Leonard snapped his fingers and Sheldon realized he was holding up the line.

"Forgive us people, we forgot to change the battery of the robot this morning." Wolowitz told the people behind Sheldon.

Leonard snickered and even Raj smiled somewhat.

Sheldon ignored them and picked his food with his head held up high. By this point in his life, these types of comments no longer affected him.

Lesser minds needed to try and put him down so they could feel better about themselves.

Penny ran a hand through her greasy hair as she went up the stairs.

She had been putting off her talk with Leonard as well as doing the quiz that Dani sent her and instead focused on her auditions and shifts.

Today was Anything-can-happen-Thursday and Leonard had told her that he, Raj and Howard would go play laser tag and then eat burgers. He had invited her but she needed to cover the afternoon shift…at least that's what she told him, the truth was that she asked for the double shift.

And here she was now, tired as hell and carrying a bag with 2 BBQ burgers. She was certain that Sheldon didn't have dinner yet and she just wanted to spend time with her friend, he always made her feel better.

"Hey Moonpie…dinner…is…here…" Penny entered 4A and trailed off as she looked around at the empty apartment. "What the hell is going on here?" She muttered.

Ever since the guys implemented Anything-can-happen-Thursday it had sort of become 'Penny and Sheldon' night. Except there was no Sheldon.

Quickly checking her phone for any messages and finding none she frowned. It was almost eight thirty in the evening and a sliver of worry made its way into her heart. She dropped the food bag on the counter and sent a quick message to Leonard.

'Where's Sheldon?'

She put her phone away and nibbled at her fingertips thinking about where he could have gone. Laundry? She scoffed, yeah right. Maybe Stuart would know. Her phone interrupted her train of thought.

It was a selfie of Leonard and Raj as they ate burgers with only one piece of text.

'Don't know.'

Penny looked at the selfie again and at Leonard's smile and had the urge to yell at him to get his shit together, his roommate might be missing and there he was eating burgers like it didn't matter to him.

Another ping, but this time from Raj.

'U kall him yt?'

Penny had to close her eyes at that, how could she have forgotten. Making a mental note to thank Raj, she dialed Sheldon's number and waited.

And waited.

At hearing the ringing stop and someone pick up she let out a breath of relief.

"Sheldon Cooper." He sounded fine, in fact she would say he sounded kind of happy.

"Thank god you're fine! Where are you? Do you need help? Are you still at work?" She said quickly.

"I'm fine. I'm at Jon's house. No. No." Sheldon said calmly.

"Wait? Jon's house? Jonjon?"

"I believe his friends call him that. Yes."

Penny's brain stalled because what the hell was Sheldon doing at Jonjon's house. "But you're okay?"

"Yes."

"...I thought you were going to be here so I got you dinner…" Penny suddenly felt embarrassed. Like she had done something wrong by getting him dinner.

"I appreciate the gesture but Jon ordered Giacomo's pizza." Something shifted in his tone of voice and Penny pounced on it.

"Wait, you're not drinking Mountain Dew right?"

"I have to go now. Jon will drive me home." He said quickly before hanging up which meant he probably was drinking way more than it was healthy. She could only chuckle.

Grabbing the food she went to her own apartment. It looked like she was having a burger for breakfast. She carefully took out one of the styrofoam containers and set it on her coffee table before moving to put the other one in the fridge.

She went on to open the container and took a bite of the burger, but as she chewed the silence of her apartment started to get a bit too much. When it finally got to be too much she pulled out her phone to watch a video before the high number of unread messages taunted her.

"Ah damn it." She said softly, the girls had tried to contact her.

The initial plan was for them to go dancing but they kept waiting for Penny to reply but she never did so they stayed at Toni's and watched the guys learn to play Dungeons and Dragons.

She quickly finished her burger before calling Dani.

"Hey there stranger, you finally decided to call us huh?" Dani's cheerful voice greeted her.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I had a double shift today and at one point I forgot I owned a phone."

Penny could hear laughter in the background.

"So the dancing plan was a bust?" She asked.

"Yeah, we didn't want to go without you and then Sheldon started teaching the guys and it was kinda fun so we stayed. Carly is a rogue!"

Hearing the laughter while Dani spoke made Penny feel even more alone at that moment.

"So a fun night all around?" Penny asked in what she hoped was a cheerful tone.

"Oh yeah. Sheldon said he's free on some Thursdays so the guys are making plans to make this a regular thing, but Brian is going to help Sheldon run it or something."

"Cool, cool. Listen, I gotta go to bed, I have an early shift tomorrow. Sorry about missing the fun."

They quickly said their goodbyes and Penny could have sworn she heard Sheldon's breathy laughter at one point. She let herself fall backwards against her couch. She should be happy that Sheldon was making friends but at the same time she felt sad? And the worst part is that she didn't know why.

Looking to the side she saw her laptop, she pulled it and set it on her stomach before opening it up and right there it was the page that Dani had sent her last weekend.

"This is stupid." She muttered before clicking on the quiz.

-Your partner is very supportive of the things that you do.-

Penny had to stop to think about it. While Leonard had never told her to quit acting he had made a couple of comments that made it clear he thought she was just a waitress and not an actress. But he did ask a lot about her auditions. She clicked on No before thinking it twice and selecting Yes. She scrolled to the second question before returning and selecting No.

-Your partner encourages you to try new things.-

Penny frowned in thought, unsure on how this question applied to her. So far Leonard hadn't acted negatively if she wanted to do or try something. She clicked on Yes.

-Your partner likes to listen when you have something on your mind.-

Almost on instinct she went on to click Yes but stopped herself. At times Leonard only seemed interested in getting drunk and jumping into bed with her. And after last week's party, it seemed he truly didn't notice how upset she was. She clicked on No.

-Your partner understands that you have your own life too.-

She clicked on Yes.

-Your partner is well liked by your friends.-

Penny chewed on her lip before clicking No.

-Your partner says that you're too involved in different activities.-

Leonard did mention that lately he felt that they were not spending as much time together because of her schedule, but she had her work, auditions, acting classes, gym, her friends and she felt like they spent a lot of time together already. She clicked on Yes.

Penny spent the next 20 minutes answering the quiz and agonizing over every answer, until finally, it gave her a score.

-37 points.-

She blinked. Okay, that wasn't so bad, she had been afraid of seeing a super high number. Clicking onto the next slide made her rethink her position.

'If you scored 5 or more points, you are definitely seeing warning signs…'

"What the hell…" She muttered, this couldn't be right.

It had to be a mistake.

Sheldon nodded at Jon before entering Los Robles.

Despite what he initially feared, the reality was that he quite enjoyed himself. In a way it had felt like that first time he had learned to play DnD at college.

The group was eager to learn and even one of the girls joined them.

His schedule was terribly ruined beyond any repair…but, it was an acceptable sacrifice.

Sheldon enjoyed playing DnD but his friends refused to play with him as he didn't care much about roleplaying to pretend to seduce a bar maiden or save a princess that would pay with her body. Two of Leonard's favorite tropes.

No.

He wanted to be a warrior. To allow the dice to dictate his fate as he faced monsters and horrors that only existed in fantasy. He wanted to overcome the odds, to get that improbable Nat20 that would make Sheldor a living legend.

His friends didn't know that he kept a journal on his computer as if it was written by Sheldor himself, every adventure, every battle, every failure was there and he was proud of it.

Or he was, until they refused to play with him. But now Sheldor would ride again.

On Anything-can-happen-Thursday.

"That was fun. I honestly wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much." Brian said as he kept reading his copy of the DM book that Sheldon had lent to him.

Erica grabbed his sleeve and when he turned to look at her she pressed a finger to her lips and pointed to Carly and Brian had to smile. Carly had been really into it and she had taken seriously the part about creating a background for their characters. Even now she kept writing on the back of her character sheet with a focused look on her face.

"Yeah, I can also see what you guys meant by Sheldon being too direct." Dani grabbed a slice of pizza. "He would make for an awful teacher."

Keith laughed. "In a way he is, he told me that sometimes his University forces him to give classes to undergrads."

"Oh god, those poor souls." Dani grimaced. "Sheldon gets an F on bedside manners but an A on infodumping. I now know far too much about Orcs, Eves and Owlbears."

"You should have accepted the offer of a character sheet. It's really fun." Carly spoke up.

"Nah, not for me. I prefer to watch you guys." Dani took a seat next to Carly and smiled at her.

A comfortable silence fell on the group and it wasn't broken until Jonjon returned, grabbed another slice of pizza and started talking with Keith about how cool his Paladin was.

"I can't wait for the next session." Jonjon told Brian as they were saying goodbye to each other.

The fighting started innocuously enough.

In the end Penny refused to follow the advice of the website, she also didn't have that conversation with Leonard about what her friends had mentioned. Which looking back on, was a terrible idea, it festered inside her for these last few months.

"I'm NOT going to stop going to the gym!"

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just that…other men look at you too much."

Penny wasn't innocent either.

"Could we please talk about anything else other than your laser or your work or whatever you think it's interesting?"

"Sure, how about we talk about your auditions? Oh, what's that? You haven't had one in a month? Maybe if you were a real actress!"

Drop by drop the cup filled with poison.

"Maybe you could change? We're going to the movies, not to a strip club."

"Fuck you Leonard."

Until they forgot how to even be friends.

"I hate you so much!"

"Then why don't you break up with me huh?" Leonard looked smug as he asked her that.

Penny dropped heavily on her couch and looked at the floor.

"God Leonard…what happened to us?" She covered her face with her hands. "I'm not happy." She looked at him.

For a moment it looked like Leonard would start yelling again but he deflated into a chair and rubbed his eyes without fully taking off his glasses.

"I don't know. I'm sorry…But we can try again! We can't give up!" He animatedly told her that. And he sounded so convincing that she almost believed him.

"No Leonard, we can't."

"Yes we can! Look, I know that things haven't been great these past couple of months, but-"

"Leonard." She said seriously. "We've been dating for 3 months."

He looked confused, he couldn't see why that was important.

"3 months. Only our first month was without issues and I'm stretching the truth there. C'mon Leonard! We're going to end up hating each other."

"No we're not! I can swear that." He faced her with a determined look on his face. "I know that we can make this work. I know it as I know the sun will come out tomorrow."

"How?" Penny asked, honestly.

"I…We can try again, from scratch!" He looked desperate. "Let's reset this to zero, we can pretend as if nothing happened, except this time whenever an issue arises we can talk about it right away so we can compromise and-"

"What's the compromise for you not wanting me to go to the gym anymore?" Penny felt exhausted, is this what a relationship is supposed to be? She never felt this drained of life, not even with Kurt.

"That's a good example!" Leonard stood up and started pacing. "You can…you can…you can find a girl's only gym!" He dared to smile proudly as if it was a real solution to the issue.

"I will not. How about instead you go to therapy to deal with your jealousy issues?" She said as gently as she could.

Leonard's face turned ugly before he schooled his features back into a quasi-smile. "I don't, I don't think it's an issue. I just want-What's wrong with not wanting other guys to hit on you? Could it be because you like it?" He said challenging her.

"This is the shit I'm talking about Leonard. Who is hitting on me exactly? Huh, who?"

"Don't be naive! Guys, the sweaty neanderthals that go to the gym."

"My friends you mean?"

"Ah…no, not them. You know what I meant."

"No I don't. In the six years I've been going to the gym, do you know how many times I've been hit on?"

"I-"

"Four times. Four fucking times. And each and every time I've said no. Because that's what this is about right? You think I will say yes to someone hitting on me."

Leonard grabbed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes before settling the glasses back on his face. "You don't get it."

"What?"

"You don't get what it is to be me! I have to wonder every time you go out if you're going to find someone to replace me with. Someone that can go to the gym, that likes football, that is not a nerd." His chest heaved.

Penny's heart broke, for the both of them.

"God Leonard…that's messed up." She had to close her eyes to not cry.

"Penny. Girls like you don't go for guys like me. I…I thought you would understand…" He said pathetically.

"What you're-" Her voice broke and she had to clear her throat a couple of times before continuing. "What you're telling me, is that you expected me to stop dressing the way I dressed, stop doing the things I liked, stop going to places where anything with a dick might be…so that YOU could feel secure?"

"When you put it like that it sound bad, but-"

"You wanted me to be a doll. My only purpose would be for you to parade me around and once back here I needed to open my legs and then I would go right back into my box for the next time you wanted to play with me."

"I didn't say that!" Leonard threw his hands up.

"But that's what you expected right?"

Leonard once again removed his glasses, sat down tiredly on the chair and looked at her with unfocused eyes.

"What do you want from me Penny? Tell me and I'll do it. But don't tell me that I should not react when someone tries to take something of mine."

"SomeTHING of yours?" Penny laughed in disbelief. "Are you listening to yourself?"

"Don't try-"

"No, no, no. Listen to yourself Leonard. Please, for the love of god, listen to yourself."

To his credit, Leonard actually stopped talking and seemed to be reflecting on the conversation so far. After a long time he sighed and put back on his glasses.

"Penny. I…I didn't mean it like that. You know that."

"That's the thing Leonard, I no longer know." She wanted to curl up and cry. "We should break up. Try to recover our friendship."

"Break up?! Don't give up on us. Love can conquer everything, we can go to-"

"I'm tired Leonard. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you. I can't mention that I got a tip without you asking if it was a man. I can't go to the gym without dreading your reaction. I can't even smile randomly without you looking at me suspiciously." She covered her eyes with her hands. "I'm not happy Leonard."

"...you're not happy with me, you mean." He sounded defeated.

"...yeah…" She couldn't lie, not about this.

"But I love you!" He sounded desperate.

"I don't think you do."

"Excuse me?! How dare you?"

"Leonard…I took a quiz about our relationship that made me rethink some of the things I had overlooked. One of my friends put me in contact with a counselor…I've been talking to them and-"

"Of course! It was your friends! Can't you see that they're trying to separate us?"

"I used to like you Leonard. I really did, I miss the you that was my friend." Penny felt oddly calm.

"So after all I've done this is it?!" Leonard went back to pacing. "I had to watch from my door as you had a parade of endless one-night stands while I wished you would turn to look at me! But no, you prefer to be treated like shit by people like your ex-boyfriend instead of someone like me."

"What does Kurt or my dates have to do with this?"

"Everything! Why would you sleep around so much if you weren't looking for Mr. Right? Well, let me tell you, he's me, I'm right here!"

"My sex life was never a secret, Leonard."

"Oh trust me I know, I still have the calendar where I marked each night you didn't bring a man home."

Penny began feeling something she had never felt towards Leonard. Disgust.

"If you think I'm a slut, then why did you want to date me?"

"Because I love you! Why can't you understand that?!" Leonard had tears in the corner of his eyes. "I deserve you. After all the shit I've gone through, I deserve the hot blonde girl!"

Penny reeled back, as if he had slapped her.

"So I'm a prize? Because of what you went through. Because you think life somehow owes you my pussy?"

"Yes! No! I mean…fuck, that's not what I meant." He took a deep breath. "This is not coming out the way I want it to. Look, all I'm saying is. Don't throw away our love. Our future. I'm certain that in twenty years down the line you'll be looking back on this moment and will thank god that you didn't give up on us." He smiled encouragingly at her.

"Get out Leonard." Penny felt like an idiot. "We're done."

The smile fell from Leonard's face and he shook in place, she didn't know if it was in anger or impotence. Tears fell from his eyes one after the other but he didn't make a noise. Using the sleeve of his jacket he swiped at his face.

"You're making a huge mistake." He finally said in a shaky voice.

"I think I'm finally correcting it."

He left without another word, slamming her door on the way out and slamming his door on the way in.

She sat there for a moment, feeling too much.

Her head hurt like a bitch and she was sure that once the shock wore off she would be crying her eyes off. She didn't want to move, the sounds of her apartment were loud now in the sudden silence.

The ticking of her Hello Kitty clock loud and clear. The rattling of her window imitating the way her hands were shaking.

She had wanted to recover their friendship, but after that talk, well, she wasn't sure that she wanted him as a friend at all.

Penny let her head fall backwards against the backrest and just stared at the ceiling, little by little her vision got blurry until she was crying in earnest.

What a goddamn mess.

Sheldon sat at his desk, he was preparing for next week's session and he was ready to hand over the campaign entirely to Brian. These would be the last notes Sheldon would prepare for him.

If he were to be honest, Sheldon was looking forward to it.

He had been right, Brian had all the makings of a great DM and the young man thrived in the role. In the last 2 sessions Sheldon had taken a step back and Brian stepped up fully on the role.

His musings were interrupted by the slamming of his front door. Sheldon jumped in his chair and turned to look at a recently arrived Leonard.

Red eyes, tears, ugly twist of the mouth, shaking hands.

Sheldon sighed.

"Not a fucking word Sheldon." Leonard said testily.

"I'll wear my ear plugs so you can play your 'emo' music in your room." Sheldon turned back to his computer.

"You think this is funny? You want to rub my face in the fact that you knew this would happen, don't you? Because a nerd like me could never get a girl like Penny."

"I'm confused, you want to discuss this?"

"Forget it…" Leonard moved towards his room.

"Oh, before you retire. Allow me to clarify that your so-called 'nerd' status has nothing to do with the reason for your breakup."

"What? How?!"

"Well, the reasons for your breakup are rooted in your insecurity complex, deep jealousy issues, oedipal complex as well as your unwillingness to address the aforementioned issues in therapy in a useless attempt to spite your mother."

"...I…" Leonard chuckled darkly. "Yeah…you might be right." Leonard moved to go to his room before stopping again. "I think I need to move out."

Sheldon was startled but before he could say anything, Leonard moved further into the hallway and into his room.

Leonard softly closed the door behind him.