A/N: Welcome to the story I teased in my previous one (Scars of our Past). This has been a work in progress for a number of years and I'm excited to finally start publishing it. It's a monster of a story (over 120,000 words and it's not even complete), so I'll break it into two parts. So buckle up for part 1 and don't forget to follow, favourite, and review.
Chapter 1: What am I doing here?
The building loomed over her as she stood in the ambulance bay outside Cook County General Hospital. Today was going to be the first day she would set foot in there in five months. That's if her legs would ever let her move again; they were currently rooted to the spot. The smell of blood and the echo of that music descended like a mist enveloping her in its tortuous clutches. It had been a never-ending battle inside her head since waking up from her coma six months ago, and right now, the panic she had been trying to fight off for the last five minutes was winning its fight. A sharp pain in her chest took her breath away and the sense of impending doom followed it. She desperately tried to rationalize the sensations in her body, telling herself she was fine, and it was her mind. Something cut through the cacophony in her head. A familiar voice. Was it real? She clung to it in the hope it would keep her grounded. Keep her from spiraling. There it was again. A face came into focus in front of her. "Lucy?"
Luka Kovac spotted Lucy as he entered the ambulance bay. He'd called out to her but got no response. As he got closer, he could see she was staring blankly at the hospital, clearly consumed by some inner turmoil. He said her name a few more times, his worry more evident each time. Most would not give her blank expression a second thought, but her clenched fists and heavy breathing told a different story. One he was well acquainted with. He bent over, level with her face. "Lucy." Her eyes focused on him as if she snapped out of whatever was going on inside her head.
"Dr Kovac?" Lucy was surprised to see the tall Croat doctor in front of her face. He straightened back up, giving her some space.
"It's probably a stupid question, but is everything ok?"
"Yeah. I'm great." She couldn't quite muster the tone to match her words. Kovac raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay. That was a lie. It's just…weird being back here."
"That's to be expected. You're starting back today, right?"
"If I can make it through the door that is." She laughed nervously.
"I assure you, whatever is going on in your head right now, is scarier than the reality."
"Logically, I know that's true. But it's hard to convince the irrational part of my brain."
"Why don't we show it?" He put a reassuring arm around her shoulders to encourage her to walk with him. "Come on. We'll do it together."
Lucy let him lead her knowing she probably wouldn't do it of her own volition. She held her breath and braced herself as she walked through the doors and into the waiting area.
"Look who I found outside?" Luka announced as they walked in.
The staff milling around the Admit desk looked up to see who he was referring to, their expressions filled with delight as they saw Lucy stood next to him.
"Lucy!" echoed out amongst the staff, followed by countless greetings - good to see yous and good to have you backs - along with many hugs and kisses on the cheek as the staff welcomed the medical student back.
Lucy was glad of the welcome but also a little overwhelmed by it which wasn't helping her present level of anxiety.
Dave Malucci came through the entrance into the commotion of excitement. He knew they all meant well, but he could also tell from Lucy's face that she was uneasy. "Come on guys! Don't smother her. Give her some space." He said it jokingly so as not to make anyone uncomfortable before enveloping Lucy into a hug and planting a kiss on her cheek.
"Good to have you back." Lucy returned the hug and whispered thank you in his ear for saving her.
Lucy was glad Dave had arrived and rescued her. She knew everyone was happy to see her again, but it was too much on top of returning to was the only person she'd seen since she moved back to San Francisco five months ago to live with her mom. He had come out to visit her a few times and they'd gotten close, becoming her confidant and someone she had come to rely on during her recovery. Deciding to return to Chicago and County to finish med school had been a tumultuous decision, but Dave had been there every step of the way.
The only other people she had kept in contact with from County were Dr Weaver and Dr Corday, who had been incredibly supportive throughout. She spoke to Dr Weaver on the phone once a month, primarily for Kerry to check on Lucy's recovery. Dr Corday checked in surgically after handing her care over to San Francisco General.
It was around May that Lucy mentioned to Weaver that she wanted to return to the ER. She was surprised, but supportive, liaising with the medical school to put a plan in place to help Lucy finally graduate.