Chapter 3: Unexpected Encounters

Dr Chen was back in Admit completing some paperwork. She looked up as Lucy came over to her. They discussed Lucy's goals for the rest of her rotation, and how she could help her transition back more easily.

"You ready for your first patient?" Dr Chen asked.

Lucy hesitated. The whole time she had been talking to Dr Chen, she couldn't take her eyes off the room behind the senior doctor. Exam three was there as if taunting her. "There's something I need to do first. Can I have five minutes?"

Jing Mei followed Lucy's gaze back and realized what had distracted Lucy the whole time they were talking. She put a hand lightly on her shoulder. "Take your time."

Lucy took another deep breath and walked over, stopping at the door, unable to push it open. The smell and metallic taste of blood filled her senses. Her heart was racing, and she couldn't catch her breath. She desperately fought off the panic threatening to overwhelm her. Closing her eyes, she tried to regain control, knowing if she had a full-blown panic attack, Weaver was sure to realize she had no business being back.

When she opened her eyes again, her pulse began to slow, and her breathing became more manageable. Seeing an elderly lady on a gurney waving at her through the window, she took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"Oh, please help. I've dropped my necklace on the floor. Can you get it for me, please?"

The lady was in the same space as Paul Sobriki. Lucy had a lump in her throat that made her feel like she was going to choke on nothing. She was kidding herself that she had a handle on her anxiety.

"Dear? My necklace." The lady repeated.

Lucy bent down to retrieve the wayward necklace, but when she stood up, her blood ran cold because all she saw was him.

"Dear. Is everything ok?"

Lucy slammed her eyes shut, shaking her head from side to side trying to make the image go away. She told herself it wasn't real over and over.

Dave walked past the door and spotted Lucy rooted to the spot with her eyes closed and trembling. "Lucy." He'd wanted to try and keep her away from exam three for the day, even going as far as talking to the staff about it when he'd arrived that morning. She was staring at him, her knuckles white clenching a necklace her hands.

Lucy looked from Dave to the patient in the bed. It was no longer Paul Sobriki. It was the old lady who had asked for her help. She snapped back to reality. "I'm sorry. Here you go." She gave the necklace back. Her hand cramping from holding it so tightly. She brushed past Dave and headed out without another word.

Dave followed her out. "Lucy." He'd dealt with her panic attacks before, so was well versed in what to do and not do. They were practically gone now, but today was clearly too much. He quickened his pace to get in front of her. She stopped dead in her tracks. "Hey." He said softly. "Breathe."

Dave stared down at her. She did as he instructed and started to do her breathing exercises, feeling herself starting to relax. His eyes bored into hers waiting for a response. "I'm fine." She felt in control again but embarrassed at her reaction. Thankfully, no one else had seemed to notice.

"You can't bullshit me, Lucy." He had his hands on his hips with his brow furrowed in distrust at her words.

She grinned at him. "I'm ok, Dave. It was something I needed to do. And it's done now. So, I'm ok. I ripped the band aid off."

"Pretty big fucking band aid!" He muttered before thinking, but Lucy was laughing.

"Certainly was."

The rest of the shift was uneventful, which Lucy was grateful for. She'd done a simple closure on a leg lac, treated an asthmatic kid, and a kid with a rash amongst a few others.

She was due off at three, but at quarter to, two GSWs came crashing through the door.

Dr Kovac was listening to the handover from the crew and directing the doctors to where he wanted them to go. Lucy's adrenaline was pumping, and she felt that familiar rush surge through her body. She rushed to follow them into the trauma room. She knew Weaver, Chen, and Dave would probably scold her for getting involved in a trauma on her first day back, but the adrenaline called to her.

Luka eyed Lucy stood at the foot of the bed, helping them move the patient onto the gurney. She'd been discouraged from traumas, but there was no rule that said she couldn't help. Luka weighed it up in his head. Tell her to go or let her help? The patient was relatively stable, and she was here wanting to help. He decided to take her under his wing.

"Lucy. Why don't you do the primary assessment with me." He talked her through it, letting her listen and feel as he did. Getting her used to the process again. They worked their way through all of the necessary steps, while he asked questions along the way.

Dr Chen had lost track of Lucy. Not realizing the time, she looked around to tell her to head home. She made her way to the trauma room, suspecting that was where she had gone, mentally preparing herself to have a firm talk to her student, but she stopped in her tracks when she saw Lucy working with Kovac.

Lucy was following his instructions and answering his questions. She asked her own questions, coming to her own conclusions. Kovac was guiding her and giving her the trust and autonomy Lucy needed. Luka looked up and caught Jing-Mei's eye, giving her a slight nod of reassurance. She left them to it and would find Lucy when she was done to evaluate how it had gone and how she felt about it.

The patient ended up needing surgery and they sent him on his way with Dr Benton. Lucy felt herself coming down from the adrenaline. She'd been studying hard to compensate for not working for seven months, but she had surprised herself with how much she remembered. It was like muscle memory.

Luka was impressed. He had been hesitant, but she was smart and inquisitive and had clearly not let her time away be a detriment to her knowledge. "Great work in there, Lucy."

"Thank you, Dr Kovac. And thank you for letting me get involved. It felt good. I'd better go and find Dr Chen." Lucy gave him a smile and headed off to find her and prepare for the disapproving look. She mentally rehearsed what she would say to Dr Chen to convince her why she was ready.

Dr Chen wasn't at Admit, but Dave was. He was picking up a new chart and was oblivious to her presence. She crept up behind him. "I saw that! Stop cherry picking!" She shouted at him, making him jump.

"What? I didn't" He looked offended at the insinuation.

"Come on, Malucci!" Dr Finch wasn't impressed.

"But, I...I didn't!" He protested.

Lucy burst out laughing, unable to keep a straight face any longer. "Got ya!"

"Haha. Very funny." He pouted at her. "Heard you were in a trauma? How'd it go?"

"It felt good. I haven't forgotten as much as I thought I had. Have you seen Dr Chen?"

"She left a message. She had to head upstairs for something, so she said she'd catch up with you tomorrow. She also said good job today." He smiled at her.

"In that case. I'm outta here." It was already four and she was supposed to finish an hour ago.

"All right for some. Some of us have to stay and work!" He teased.

"You call that work!" She called out as she walked toward the lounge throwing a hand up behind her.

"See ya." Dave returned his attention to the chart in his hands, flipping through the information.

Lucy was still chuckling to herself when she got to her locker. It had been a good shift. Emotional and tiring, but good. Though seven months of not working was definitely evident. Her feet and back were aching from being stood up all day. She was exhausted and her stomach was a little sore from bending and moving around so much.

Carter arrived at the hospital a little early. There weren't many people at Admit to notice his arrival. He saw Jerry and a few of the nurses, and Dave, but they all had their backs to him. He really didn't want to announce his presence, especially to Dave, so he scurried into the lounge undetected.

When he walked in, someone was bent over at a locker with their back to him. She was short, but he couldn't see anything else that gave him any indication of who it was until she stood up.

He would recognize her anywhere. Her hair was longer than before and in a bun that was clinging on for dear life after a long day. She reached up to pull the hair tie out, running her hands through her hair as it fell down past her shoulders.

His heart sank and a lump formed in his throat at seeing her. He didn't even know she was back in Chicago, let alone back at County. But how could he know? They hadn't spoken in over five months! He'd come close to calling a few times, but then he was so deep into his addiction, he told himself he didn't care anymore. Even though he did. It was only through therapy and his recovery that he'd come to realize that he'd been so consumed by guilt, he thought the best thing to do was push her away. He still felt guilty but had learned to cope with it.

He contemplated sneaking out. She didn't know he was there, and he suspected it would be just as much of a shock for her to see him as it had been for him seeing her. He'd gone over what he would say countless times if he ever saw her again, but now she was in front of him, his mind went blank. "Lucy" was all he could muster, coming out in a whisper as her name caught in his throat.

Lucy heard the quiet whisper of her name which made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and her body stiffen. The memory of the last time they'd seen each other flashed into her head. She felt frozen in place, unable to turn around to face him. A million questions and scenarios swirled in her head. She felt physically sick, so conflicted with her emotions, angry and hurt. But then a different emotion fought through. Loss. It was like a punch to the gut because if she was entirely honest with herself, there had been an emptiness she felt down to her core.

At first, he wondered if she'd even heard him but the reaction in her body told him otherwise. She stood there not moving for what seemed like forever. Maybe he should've snuck away. It was done now, so he took the lead. "Lucy." His voice was stronger, but soft and sincere.

She took a deep breath and turned to face him, and it seemed to catch in her throat as her eyes locked with his.

She looked like she was going to throw up. Not the response he wanted. "How are you?" She continued to stare at him without a word with her fists tightly clenched by her sides. Her breathing was deep and purposeful, and he could see her jaw muscles clenching.

How am I! She couldn't believe he was going in with that. Her body was so rigid with tension her nails were digging into the palms of her hands, and her jaw was screaming at her to relax. But they were the only places she could channel the tension and anxiety.

"I know things are a mess between us right now. But I want to fix that." He tried again.

Something inside her snapped. "A mess! That's an understatement." The sarcasm came out cold and unfeeling. She didn't think there was any way they could repair their broken relationship. Which, admittedly, wasn't even that great to begin with. She turned her back on him and returned to getting her things from her locker, throwing them in her bag in anger.

Carter moved to stand next to her, putting a hand on her elbow. "Lucy, stop." She tore her arm away from him and carried on what she was doing. "Lucy, please. We need to talk about this." He was trying to keep his voice soft and kind. He couldn't really blame her for her reaction. But he knew how stubborn she was, so she could do this all day.

The anger and hurt she had been carrying finally exploded out of her. "TALK! Are you serious?" She was met with silence. "I reached out to you. I tried to talk to you. I thought we could help each other, support each other. But where were you?" She was shouting now, tears stinging her eyes. "Nowhere. You made sure I woke up, then you were gone. That spoke to me more than words ever could." Her body shook in anger, and she fought the tears back.

Carter didn't know what to say. She was still carrying around all of this anger. Though it wasn't entirely surprising with how he left things. How could he ever make it up to her? "I'm so sorry, Lucy. That's not how I wanted to leave things between us, but I couldn't bear to see you like that. It was too damned hard to say what I know I should've."

"Seriously? Too hard? Just admit it, Carter. The only thing you cared about was if you'd got your student killed. Wouldn't want anything to ruin your perfect reputation! But you don't need to worry. I'm not dead, so you're off the hook." She couldn't stop herself. The whirlwind of emotions came spilling out of her. "We don't need to be friends. We never were in the first place…"

"STOP…" Tears were streaming down her face now, her hands shaking, and breathing so erratic, he thought she might pass out.

"STOP!" She slammed her locker shut. "I don't need you, Carter. I never did." Was she telling him, or trying to convince herself it was true? She charged forward.

The hatred in her voice was sobering. He hadn't realized the extent of the damage he'd done by staying away. "Lucy" Why couldn't he just tell her? He hadn't meant to, but in the moment, he grabbed her arm a little too forcefully which she quickly yanked away before he could correct it himself.

Lucy screamed at him to get off her and yanked her arm away. She needed to get out of there or she was going to say something they could never come back from.

He backed off, holding his palms up. "You have every right to be angry at me. But you're wrong." He stopped himself as soon as he said it. Should he tell her the truth? Here? Right now?

Lucy was past listening. "I don't need your excuses!" He'd had his chance. She was done and sprinted to the door. The tears were streaming down her face, and she was so close to sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't let him see how much control he had over her.

She bolted for the door, but he managed to get there first, putting a hand on it to stop her from leaving. "Don't run away from this, Luce." The sincerity in his voice disappeared. His anger was bubbling up at how stubborn she was being. He looked down at her face, studying every line and contour and his anger evaporated. He could see the subtle signs of what she had been through. The dark circles under her eyes, barely concealed by a thin layer of makeup, and new lines etched into her forehead, tiny reminders of the battles she had silently fought.

But it was her eyes that caught him most. The once vibrant blue that had captivated him, like the sky on a perfect summer day, was now dulled, clouded with hints of grey. The sparkle they once held—so full of life, so unmistakably her—had dimmed. The last time he'd seen those eyes, he had avoided looking directly into them because the hurt had been too much to bear. And now, as he took them in fully for the first time since she'd thrown him out of her hospital room, the change was undeniable. The grey had seeped in, pushing out the color, leaving behind something more fragile, more haunted.

"Get out of my way!" She hissed through gritted teeth. She pulled at the door handle despite him still being stood in front of it. Hopefully he would get the message and move.

Defeated, he let go of the door as she threw it open and left. Everyone's eyes were on them, undoubtedly having heard the shouting coming from the lounge. Lucy ran for the doors into the ambulance bay.

He didn't know what to do. Stay here or go after her? She thinks I don't care. "I cared, Lucy. I still do." He called out to her and went to run after her, but a strong hand pulled back on his shoulder.

"Don't. You've done enough already." Dave had come out of exam two wondering what the commotion was, to see Lucy running out and Carter standing there.

Dave's eyes bored into Carter, and there was a spark of rage in them that stopped him in his tracks. This was not the time, so he backed off.

Dave took off after Lucy into the ambulance bay where EMTs were unloading a patient. "Malucci, give us a hand, will you?" Bardelli shouted to him. He looked at the patient. Then scanned the area, but she was already gone. Giving up he walked inside with the patient. He'd call and check in later.

Carter stood staring at the doors, not knowing what to do next. An audience had gathered behind him, staring, whispers already passing between them. "Show's over people!" He let out a sigh of frustration when he saw them staring and flung the door to the lounge open. This wasn't how he'd wanted his first visit back to go.

Mark gave Carter a few minutes alone before following him in. "Carter. Good to see you." They shook hands. "I'm not going to ask about that, but you two need to sort out your differences if you're going to be able to work together again." He looked at the younger man, clearly broken by what had happened. Mark wasn't sure of the full story of what happened between them. Carter had sat by her bed almost every day while she was in a coma, and then something changed after she woke up. Carter hadn't mentioned much about Lucy since, and Kerry didn't seem to know anything either when he'd asked.

"She's so angry at me, and I don't blame her." He sat down on the couch and put his head into his hands.

"Just talk to her." He wasn't sure what the best advice was in this situation. There wasn't exactly a guidebook for this.

"I tried, Mark." He looked up at his mentor, sorrow in his eyes. "I've really messed things up. What do I do?"

Mark could see he needed some words of wisdom. "You probably caught her off-guard. She should've been off at three. Give her some time to calm down. Then try again. That's all you can do."

Carter thought about it. She really hadn't expected to see him. Maybe that explained her extreme reaction. He would try again. For the sake of their jobs if nothing else.

"Kerry's already upstairs. Shall we?" They made their way upstairs so Carter could learn the fate of his career.

Carter wasn't too happy about the hoops he was going to have to jump through to keep his job, but he'd put up with them. Afterall, he should be grateful he still had a job after what happened. But it was a bitter pill to swallow for his own mistakes.

He decided he needed to try again with Lucy and would try to get to her through Dave. It probably wasn't the greatest idea he'd ever had. Dave did not like him, that much was clear. He wasn't sure if she was still in the dorms, but maybe he could convince Dave to give him her address. Though showing up at Lucy's unannounced wasn't going to make her any less angry at him.

Dave was flirting with a nurse Carter didn't recognize when he got back down to the ER. "Dave, can I have a word?" Dave ignored him, continuing his conversation. "Dave, please." He pleaded.

Dave groaned. "Give me a second?" He said to the nurse. "What do you want?" He stood defensively with his arms folded over his chest staring at Carter.

"I need to talk to her." Dave said nothing, his face devoid of any expression Carter could use to gauge how this was going to go. "Is she still living in the dorms?"

"No."

"Can you give me her address?"

Dave threw his head back laughing wildly like Carter had made a joke. It seemed a little over the top given the question, but it was a little absurd to ask after the performance earlier. Despite the laughter, Dave's nostrils flared, and he glared at Carter. "No! She doesn't want to speak to you, or does running off not communicate that well enough to you?"

Carter's determination evaporated, replaced by hopelessness. "We're going to have to work together, Dave, and what happened between us cannot affect her education. I need to make this right. You have to believe me." He was dejected. "Please."

Dave studied him for a second, contemplating what to do. Carter was an asshole and didn't deserve Lucy's forgiveness for the way he'd treated her, but as much as he disliked admitting it, Carter was right. They needed to work together. "She's back in tomorrow, one till nine."

"I need to put this right tonight."

"I can call her and see if she'll see you."

"You know she won't."

"And you think showing up at her door is going to go any better!"

"I care about her, Dave, and I really messed up. I can't change the past, but I can try and put it right now even if it's only for the sake of work."

Dave sucked his lips and sighed. "She's gonna kill me." He grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down her address still wavering in his decision. "If she doesn't let you in. You leave. Ok?"

Carter was ecstatic and finding it hard to contain his giant grin. "I will." He promised, grabbing the paper and leaving in a hurry. His hopes were raised, but Dave had a point. She may not even open the door.

Dave shook his head knowing Lucy was likely to kill him. "Dammit!" He muttered under his breath when he turned to see the nurse he was talking to had vanished.

Carter ran to his jeep on a determined mission, but his excitement soon waned. Maybe he should wait a little while and give her a chance to get home and settle down, assuming that's where she went. He checked his watch. Almost five. Doc Magoos was across the road, grease and burgers emanating into the air from it. Food first. Then amends.

Inside, he gave his order and took a seat in a booth. When Abby walked in, he remembered Lucy wasn't the only one he needed to make amends with.