With my apologies for the delay, here's the next chapter of A Sitch Too Far.
I appreciate all the feedback I've gotten, so please keep it coming! Next week's chapter should come out on time, as I rebuild the backlog.
So, just how are Kim and Ron going to deal with their embassy sitch?
Chapter 9 - Smooth Operator
"Aww, come on Kim, please let this be the store! My feet are killing me and I'm going to have to help run a kitchen later!"
Though Kim was not insensitive to Ron's complaints – she did not want to call them whining, because she too was frustrated by the lack of good options six stores into the outing – she did not feel like she had any options. A party for politicians and businesspeople had not been on the list of sitches to pack for. And was could hardly be said to be going overboard, having by that point bought a blazer at Club Banana (only Coco Banana could turn a century-old staple into something bold and stylish) and a pair of heels from a local shoe store that were just guaranteed to go well with any prospective dress. She just needed to find said dress.
This latest store, Klesbutikk, did not seem to be living up to the promise of its shop window. The dress that had caught Kim's eye turned out to be way too shiny. It was also a bit long, extending practically to the floor, which was inconvenient for the inevitable complex moves that every mission required.
She heard a thud behind her and turned to see that Ron had accidentally knocked over a mannequin.
"Sorry about that, KP, can you just hold the bags for one second? This store is just giving me the creeps for some reason…"
Kim took her previous purchases, allowing Ron to undo the damage he had done. Unknowingly, he had also solved her dress problem.
"That's the one!"
"What do you – ahh!"
Kim had thrust the bags back into Ron's hands and rushed towards the mannequin and the dress it wore – a simple, dark blue dress that was approximately knee-high. Its slight V-cut and half inch-wide straps made for a somewhat different look that was more relaxed but could be accessorized to fit the somewhat formal setting. She quickly located the dress on the nearby rack and practically ran into a fitting room, where she confirmed that it would indeed work. She quickly changed back into her day clothes and found Ron waiting outside the entrance to the fitting rooms.
"Is it okay? Please tell me it's okay."
"Yup, I'm taking it. Just gonna pay and we can head back."
Ron breathed a very obvious sigh of relief and soon he and Kim were walking back to their hotel, where they arrived around 4:30 PM, which was cutting it close with their plan of being at the embassy at 6:00 PM to give Ron time to get things set up before guests were expected to start arriving around 8:00 PM. Kim immediately locked herself in the bathroom, where she spent the next hour getting ready. She walked back into the room proper and found that Ron had put on a white shirt, presumably planning on putting on a chef's coat at the embassy. He had a curious look on his face after seeing Kim walk out dressed for the event, which she could not readily categorize, almost like he was masking his instinctive reaction.
"How do I look?" Kim asked.
"Like you're going to sell me a stack of manuals and six weeks of an on-site consultant."
"Thanks, that's precisely what I was going for," she replied with a hint of irony, "I guess…"
"Seriously, though, that look's definitely in the top five for the year, the necklace brings it together."
"You really think so?"
"Well, I like it, so I'm just secret-borrowing Monique's words because I'm clueless about these things. I'm glad you brought it along."
"Oh, you know, a girl has to be prepared…"
"Yeah…" Ron answered, clearly with something else still on his mind. "Bernard called, he's coming to pick us up in ten minutes or so. You ready?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, Rufus, you go with Kim. Remember the plan, and if anything happens, just follow her lead."
"Uh huh!" The naked mole rat saluted and ran into Kim's purse, his head still peering out.
"I'll sneak you some snacks, Rufus," Kim said, "but you'd better not make a mess in there. Or else…"
Rufus nodded, acknowledging the threat of no food.
"In that case, let's head downstairs. You got the laptop case, Ron?"
"Yup, I asked Bernard to reserve us an office close to the party."
"So let's roll."
Kim and Ron waited in the hotel lobby for their ride, taking empty seats close to the entrance.
"You said 'top 5', and now I'm curious, Ron… Just what is number one?"
"Number one?" He asked with some confusion in his voice. "Oh, you mean… Uh, I don't know," he continued unconvincingly. "It's not like I keep a ranking, you know?"
"Uh, huh. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest it might have been that time your jaw dropped so hard my dad had to close your mouth before you embarrassed yourself further."
"Oh, that time… You, uhm caught me by surprise, yeah, that's it and oh look, our ride's here!"
Kim looked out the window and recognized the outwardly discreet van that had brought them to the hotel from the airport earlier in the day as it stopped outside the main entrance. They headed outside, where Bernard was getting out of the vehicle.
"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Parker, so good to see you again so soon," he said, extending his hand for a pair of handshakes.
"Please, Bernard, it's 'Kim' and 'Ron'," Ron insisted.
After they had all sat down and their ride started moving, Bernard said, "I must thank you again for your availability on such short notice and under such circumstances. The ambassador was getting quite desperate, there were even discussions of whether we could arrange special transport to get someone from London, that's how bad the situation was."
"All local chefs unavailable, on the same day your chef resigns just before a big event… Talk about bad luck," Ron mused, the irony completely lost on the Englishman.
They were driven around for a few minutes, in mostly unremarkable streets, until they arrived at a street that fed into a plaza with a large, prominent building. Bernard pointed to it, "Over there is the seat of the European Commission. The embassy is just ahead on our right."
The van stopped at the door of the embassy, in front of it was a small group of local police, private security, and some sort of VIP protection crew – Kim could not tell if they were private or part of some police force. They were unconcerned about the group's arrival, and the front door was opened for Bernard and his guests. Inside, another guard was just getting off the phone.
"Good afternoon, Sir Bernard, if you could please accompany Mr. and Mrs. Parker to the kitchen, the sous-chef, Gary, will meet you there. The ambassador had to leave, but he's due back in half an hour or so."
"Very well, thanks," Bernard answered. "The kitchen is this way, I think."
"Maybe we should have asked the guy back there, since he works here," Ron suggested.
"Yes, as they say, hindsight is 20/20, but yes, I think this it," Bernard opened a nondescript door that revealed a large room, decorated for a reception. A man, dressed in a chef's coat, was waiting a few yards away and Bernard made a few quick introductions.
"Chef Parker, pleasure to meet you," the man said. "It's been a crazy day, but the crew have been doing prep for dinner and I think we can mostly manage… But the desserts are a different matter, they're not my specialty and everyone else has been too busy –"
"Say no more," Ron interrupted, "just show me to your kitchen and I'll let you in on a little secret…" He continued in a faux whisper, "My desserts are probably why my beautiful wife married me…"
The two walked off towards the kitchen sharing a good laugh, and Kim felt herself blush. Ron's words may have been carefully crafted tools to win over what could have been a tough audience, but she nevertheless enjoyed hearing them.
"Well, if nothing else, the kitchen won't be lacking in esprit de corps," Bernard commented. "Let me show you to your office, apparently it was the chef's office before his sudden departure, so it's still a bit messy."
"So not the drama, I grew up with twin younger brothers, doesn't get messier than that. I'm just surprised he needed an office."
"Oh yes, the Foreign Office has invested heavily into making this embassy a popular place, that's how they accumulate power in Brussels. And here we are…" Bernard opened the door, revealing a small office. A few shelves seemed to have been hastily cleared and packed up by the previous occupant, others were full of junk that Kim was happy to not have to sort through. The desk was pretty clear, holding only a stack of receipts and a phone.
"Oh, this will do fine, I just need the desk to get a few things done later. Thank you very much, Bernard."
Bernard left the office, closing the door behind him. Kim set up the laptop and checked in with Wade.
"Hey Wade, we're in, Ron's taking charge in the kitchen and the computer is ready. How are things on your end?"
"Yo, Kim, I've got Crash here for backup and everything is looking good. Our target is scheduled to show up, but not before 8:30 PM local time."
"Okay, and what can you tell me about her?"
"Christine Raffarin, French, age 58, VP of the Americas branch of GECC since late January, formerly head of Procurement at GECC," Wade answered as he put her picture on the Kimmunicator's screen. "She has high-level access to documents in both the US and in Europe, so her credentials should allow us to get to the data we need. She's based in Brussels, which has caused some complaints from the Americas head office in Chicago, but they've been mostly ignored since she's technically the interim VP while they find someone else. The last guy left in a hurry…"
"Any connection to Drakken's plot?"
"I don't think so, but Crash is still digging in public sources."
"I've got nothing," Crash Cranston's disembodied voice said from somewhere out of frame.
"Alright, I'm going to check up on Ron and get a feeling for the environment. Call me if there's anything new."
Kim left the office and took notice of the fact that the dining room was not laid out with tables for guests to sit at, but rather with tall cocktail tables. In a corner of the room, Bernard was talking to another man.
"Ah, Kim," he said, "may I introduce Robert Farrell, the ambassador. Bob, Kim Parker, our lifeline for tonight."
"A pleasure," Kim answered.
"Oh, but the pleasure is all mine, we're quite lucky that Bernard happened to run into you. It's a big day for Europe and we wouldn't want to be caught with our trousers down."
"It's no big, really. We've never had the chance to work with an embassy, so it's a first for us. Speaking of which, I thought you wanted a more traditional dining experience."
"Oh, no," the ambassador answered, "we tried the sit-down thing – I think it was in Hanoi?"
"I believe it was in Bangkok," Bernard corrected.
"Oh, indeed, Hanoi was the one that devolved into a fistfight… Anyway, I was saying, we tried it once and it was a total disaster. No one got anything done, entire tables were silent. Much better to incentivize people to stand, walk around, approach and be approached. Still, we don't want to serve slop just because our guests are not sitting down at a table."
"That makes sense," Kim said. Not really, but that seems like the right thing to say. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to check on Ron."
In the kitchen, Ron was orchestrating what seemed like a fairly large operation, and Kim did not dare interfere.
"Good job on the cod, looking good." He walked to a different station. "We're going to need at least twice as many potatoes as you've got there, Arnold, get someone from fish to help you, they're just about done and can spare a pair or two of hands."
Kim's observation was interrupted by someone whistling at the other end of the kitchen. She turned her head and saw that two of the cooks seemed to be paying more attention to her than to their activities, a fact that was also quickly noticed by Ron.
"Fellas, I know what you're thinking," he said after approaching them, his expression turning much more serious. "But right now, I need you to stop ogling my bon-diggity wife and get back to work. Understood?"
His words seemed to motivate the cooks, whether positively or by the implied threat of job loss. Ron walked over to where Kim was standing.
"Sorry about that, KP."
"So not the drama, but I think I'll stay out of your way."
"You can hang around, it's really no problem, I just need to keep the guys focus –"
He was interrupted by Kim giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"For luck. Also to give you some credibility." She whispered in his ear in response to his flustered reaction, "Head in the game, Ron…"
Kim left the kitchen and spent much of the next hour making small talk with embassy staff, until guests started to arrive. The ambassador was kind enough to help with the introductions – CEO of a major pharmaceutical company, Director of a regional research institute, local doctor whom everyone always invited to these events because they were too afraid to ask why others kept inviting him… They mostly blurred together, and by the twentieth or so person, Kim had very little hope of remembering anything about them. The dressing up had been fun, but standing around in a room full of strangers was decidedly less fun, especially when trying to fit in when most attendees, if not everyone, seemed to know each other. It took a concerted effort to keep smiling and to stay on the lookout for the target.
At last, after what felt like hundreds of other guests, Kim spotted a woman walking in with a man walking close behind.
"Fashionably late," Kim mumbled, the clock on the wall read a quarter to nine.
"Oh, I believe that's Madame Raffarin, from GECC," the ambassador said, "she's the one they send to all the parties to not offend the former British Chemical Corporation people who are still offended by GECC's takeover in the late 90s."
"Has that worked out for them?" Kim asked.
"Well, no, but the CEO is German and thus no fun at parties, and the other regional directors are both Italians, so they're too much fun at parties." He turned back towards the entrance. "Ah, Christine, so nice to see you again. And who is the gentleman?"
"Good evening, Robert, always happy to be here," she answered. Kim had expected a much stronger accent, but found that she spoke rather fluently, mostly just putting odd intonation into some of her words. "This is my aide, Michel."
The man nodded, but did not say anything.
"Allow me introduce Mrs. Kim Parker, our catering consultant for tonight. Can you believe our chef just quit earlier today? Fortunately, she and her husband managed to fit us into their tight schedule and bail us out."
Kim reached out for a handshake, the least awkward greeting option she had seen the whole night, with her best smile on her face.
"Nice to meet you," the woman said, before immediately noticing someone else and turning to greet them.
"If you'll excuse me for a minute, Mr. Ambassador," Kim said.
"But of course, just let me know if you need anything," he answered.
Kim nodded and walked to a quiet corner. She took her headset out of her pocket and pressed the button. "Wade, I just exchanged pleasantries with our woman, she does have a bodyguard following her and he's good. We're going to have to be fast with the card, how long will you need?"
"Five minutes once the card is inserted, if you have the laptop ready. Add a minute or two if it's in standby."
"I'll hold you to that. Kim out."
Kim walked around for a bit, making a show of checking that all the food being served looked right – not that she could really say much, she had to rely on Ron's proficiency and ability to keep the kitchen under control. She did not feel like eating too many of the appetizers on offer, even though they were rather tasty, but she had to divert some to satisfy Rufus.
"Had enough, little guy?" She asked discreetly.
"Nuh uh, more!" came the answer out of her purse, which elicited an eye roll, but little surprise. She sneaked him some more food and spotted the GECC exec nearby, not talking to anyone. It was time to strike up some conversation. Fortunately for Kim, she did not have to search for a topic to open with.
"My compliments to the chef, Mrs. Parker, these are delicious, a lot better than the ones they served last week at the Commission," Christine said to Kim after spotting her.
"I'm glad you're enjoying them," Kim replied, "we're working with what we have, this being a last-minute job and all that."
"And doing an excellent job, I must say. It's too bad these are all gone."
"Oh, we can definitely fix that." Kim signaled to a passing waiter. "Please have the chef bring us the special platter."
The waiter seemed moderately confused, but acknowledged the request and went into the kitchen. After a few minutes of conversation, Ron approached and placed a fresh plate of canapés on the serving table next to Kim. "Good evening, I'm chef Parker, I hope you all are enjoying our hors d'oeuvres – do try the salmon ones, they're excellent. If you need anything, just let a waiter know and we'll do our best."
"Thank you very much, Chef," the executive politely answered. In turn, Ron winked at Kim.
"That's my husband, Ron," Kim said, trying to keep the conversation flowing naturally while surveying the bodyguard's interest in the food. "We're supposed to be on our honeymoon, but the embassy urgently needed help, and so here we are."
"Oh, but that's terrible, I hope you're charging Her Majesty's government well!"
Kim chuckled as the bodyguard picked up one of the salmon canapés and took a bite out of it.
"Just our usual rate, with a very reasonable rush fee, since I did have to go out and buy a dress."
The bodyguard was beginning to show signs of having a bad time. Although he tried to maintain his composure, it was obvious he wouldn't be able to disguise it for long and Kim wasted no time in taking advantage of the opportunity.
She asked, "Are you okay, Michel?"
"Just a little, how you say-" he coughed, interrupting his sentence, "ah, ill? Ze canapé tasted weird."
"Oh no, that is just…" Kim theatrically picked up one of the snacks and made a show of tasting it – taking care not to bite off more hot sauce-infused canapé than she could manage. "Ooh, something is very wrong here. Ron!" She called out. He was, of course, close by to quickly intervene.
"Something wrong?"
"Yeah, somehow these are way too spicy, Michel here is having a hard time."
He took one and ate it whole, chewing on it for a few seconds.
"Oof, yeah, someone must have mixed up the sauces! Michel, you must come with me, I'll fix something up for you to clear your taste buds, this is so embarrassing…"
Ron nudged the bodyguard towards the kitchen and away from Kim and his client. He reluctantly followed, overwhelmed by the spiciness of his tiny snack. Kim meanwhile signaled for a waiter to remove the offending plate of appetizers, which had fulfilled its task.
"Were they really that spicy? Your husband seemed fine with them…"
"Oh, he's got an iron stomach, but we really couldn't keep serving that plate…"
With the bodyguard out of the picture for at least a few minutes, it was time to move quickly. Kim signaled Rufus to do his thing, and he ran out of her purse as discreetly as a pink rodent could.
"Christine, can you do me a favor and get me a refill? I need to stay here until someone takes these spicy traps away."
"Of course," she answered, taking Kim's glass. "Orange juice or something stronger?"
"Juice is fine, please and thank you. I never drink on the job."
The exec nodded and began to move away, but she tripped as she took her first steps – Rufus had successfully intervened. Even knowing what was going to happen, Kim was barely able to grab her and keep her from falling to the floor.
"Are you okay?" Kim asked, glancing at the woman's purse, which had fallen to the ground – Rufus went in to search for the card.
"Yes, I felt something weird and just tripped. Thanks for the quick reaction, that could have hurt a lot…"
"No big, really," Kim said, trying to stall. Rufus had not yet emerged. "Just check if your shoe is okay, maybe it broke…"
"I think it's okay."
"What about your ankle, everything okay there?"
"Yes, thanks to you, no doubt," Christine replied as she slowly assumed her normal standing posture, with Kim still holding her for support. "Oh, my bag, where is it?"
An instant before she turned around, Rufus had left the purse, biting onto a card. He managed to get out of sight just in time.
"Is everything okay here, ladies?" Bernard asked, having obviously been drawn in by the scene unfolding.
"Yeah, everyone's okay, Bernard, thanks," Kim answered. A nearby waiter finally retrieved the 'spicy special' plate.
"Something wrong with the food?" He asked.
"Just a minor mix-up. If you'll both excuse me, I should go check in on things, see if Ron needs any help coordinating." Kim discreetly lowered her own purse to allow Rufus to sneak back inside, the added weight confirmed to her that he was safely aboard again. To keep up appearances, she first headed to the kitchen, where she found Ron still dealing with the bodyguard.
"Yo, KP, everything okay?"
"Spankin'. Just checking in to see if you need any help."
"Everything's cool here, the guys are pushing out the main courses now."
"In that case, I'll see you in a bit, come by the office when you have a moment."
"Count on it!"
Back at the office, she sat in front of the laptop and made a call.
"Wade, we've got the card." Rufus triumphantly waved it in front of the camera. "What now?"
"Just insert it into the smart card slot on the left side and make sure the computer's connection is up."
"Done," Kim said.
"Okay, connection's good… And the card is communicating! GECC Root CA v2 – I don't even want to know how terribly insecure v1 was… Alright, I'm running the script to forge a certificate that we control, I should have one in less than five minutes."
"So how come you have access to a supercomputer?"
"It's technically not a supercomputer, just a very large cluster of servers that nobody uses on weekends because it's the development environment for a real supercomputer," Wade answered between slurps of his drink.
"So you just sit there and wait, you don't even have to type anything in?"
"Nope, all automated, except the login attempt once we have our certificate. It should work, since the math all checks out, but I don't want to tip their security off with a ton of failed access attempts."
"Kid's a real pro," Crash's voice shouted from off-frame.
"Thanks, appreciate the kind words," Wade answered.
I'm glad things worked out between them, this could have been so the drama…
Wade, once again entertained with his drink, was startled by a beep.
"Something wrong?" Kim asked.
"No, I think we just got way luckier than I expected, we have a certificate!"
"But that was barely a minute," she replied.
"Yeah, we have to search for the right values that make this work, and it's impossible to predict exactly how long any single case may take… And we're in! I'm logged in to GECC's network! You can return the card, we're done here!"
"Great job, Wade! And Crash, too."
Team Impossible's IT guy appeared in frame, "I'm just here for support, Wade did all the hard work."
Kim took out the card and slipped it into a pocket, just as the door to the office opened. "Kim, they told me you'd probably be in here." It was Christine at the door, just about the last person Kim wanted to see at that moment. "Tell me, did you, by any chance, see my company ID card?"
Somehow, this is not the first story that has Kim and Ron at an embassy event (that honor probably goes to RonHeartbreaker's Diplomacy in Action, if you can track it down - the whole story revolved around Kim being a low-level diplomat in Vietnam).
But, since it's cheating to recommend a story that is less-than-accessible, here's one that you can go read: captainkodak1's Tunnel Vision. It's a fun story, and certainly a good change of pace.