Disclaimer: Getting old sucks.

Handling Worm

AN: The Shaggy used here is the same Shaggy from the Dog Handler series.

Chapters 1-3 are further down the page titled in order: Vietnam, Scars, and Let Sleeping Dogs.

Previous parts in Meh are chapters 2, 4, 5, 19 Unrelated Loud House Omake: Memories, and 20 Unrelated Omake: Rubber Masks.

It hurt to do everything. He wasn't offended that none of his old friends came to visit. It'd been years since he'd seen any of them face to face and decades since they'd all gotten together. It was natural that they'd keep their distance, none of them knew him anymore. They'd all made their excuses when he'd asked them to come out so he could see them one last time, all promised to try to make time, none had come. He didn't blame them, they'd all settled down and had lives while he'd chosen to drift. Besides, it wasn't like he'd told them how serious it was or how little time he had left.

It was funny, people had all lamented how young he was, how seventy was far too soon for his life to reach its conclusion. He'd never expected to see his twentieth birthday. He didn't fear death, he'd had fifty years of time he hadn't expected to enjoy life and what a life it had been. He'd raced cars and solved crimes. He'd taught children and he'd traveled the world. He'd had the best, most loyal companion anyone could wish for and he'd had the love of a couple good women. His only regret was that he's never been blessed with any children but he supposed it'd be greedy to wish for a better life than the one he'd had. Now, he just wished the end wouldn't linger so long or hurt so much. He was ready to move on. There was nothing left for him here anymore.

He opened his eyes when he felt someone softly take his hand and managed to get his eyes to focus long enough to identify his visitor.

"Hey, coach," a voice, that of a young woman said softly. "How you doing?"

The old man tried to give the girl a smile. "Winnie. How are the others?"
"They're good, coach, really good." The young werewolf sighed. "You know it would be easy to make you young again, right coach? You don't have to-" she choked off a sob.
The old man's laugh was wet and sick sounding. "I won my humanity back fair and square. I don't give back my winnings."
"But you don't have to die?" she whined. "Come on, coach, don't give up."
"I don't have much to live for anymore," the old man admitted. "Most of my friends aren't anymore and the world has changed so much that I don't even recognize it. You girls are all that's left and I'm afraid for you, you all spend too much time taking care of an old man. It's better this way. You girls can move on and I can stop being such a burden. The three of you are-" He gave a wheezing cough. "I'm proud of all of you, I just want you to be happy."
Another voice, this one with a faint eastern European accent, spoke up. "what if you had a reason to live again, coach?"
He shifted his focus to the corner of the room where he could just make out the dark silhouette of another young woman. "What sort of reason?"
"He who saves a life, saves the world. You saved my life, coach, you saved us all. Not from death but from something much much worse. You're a hero, coach. You're needed to save someone else."
The old man straightened up, looking like the young man he'd once been. "Tell me more," he demanded, his voice more steady than it had been since his decline had begun.
"There's a girl, coach, kinda like you in some ways. She's got some of your bond with dogs. She needs you coach."

"There isn't anyone else?"

"Winnie maybe," Sibella allowed. "But she's going to have her hands full. All of us are going to be busy, coach, we'll need all of us to be sure of success. Including you. There's another world, coach, one very much like our own but not. It's infested with parasites, both human and other. We're acting, coach, we're acting because it would be catastrophic if we don't. The older ghouls are dealing with the big parasites and us younger ones are dealing with the small ones. There's so much to do, more than any of us can handle on our own. Please, coach, we need you."

"Done."

"There's a cost, coach," Winnie cautioned.

"Cost doesn't matter. Whatever it is it's worth paying to save a life," the old man croaked. "Anything I can give is worth a life. Do it."

"Relax, coach, just close your eyes and relax. This won't hurt, coach," Sibella promised. "You'll just go to sleep and you'll wake up a new you."

The old man closed his eyes and let out one last labored breath before going still.

Winnie blinked back tears. "Do you think he'll be mad?"

Sibella shrugged. "If he is so be it. We told him the truth, he is needed."

"We could do it without his help," Winnie argued. "We're not spread that thin, we could make it work if we had to."

"We need him," Sibella said firmly. "We all agreed on that, are you backing out now?"

"No! It's just . . . I don't want him to be disappointed in us."

"We did not lie," Sibella insisted. "He will understand. If not at first then eventually, he'll have all the time in the world to forgive us. We just have to be patient."

"Let's get started," Winnie begged. "I don't like seeing him like this."

IIIIIIIIII

Velma's eyebrows went up when she saw who was standing in her office's doorway. A rush of memories came back of a simpler time and the best friends she ever had.

"Freddie, come in!" She smiled widely. "What brings you here?"

"When was the last time you saw Shaggy?" There was something odd in his tone of voice.

"Been a while. You?"

"At least eight or nine years," Freddie sighed. "You didn't visit him recently did you?"

"No. He invited me out, but I was in the middle of something important so I couldn't make it. He told me not to worry about it."

"Daphne and I were the same." She noticed tears in the man's eyes. "I . . ." he thrust a news clipping into her hand.

"Freddie, what's wrong?" She glanced down at the clipping in her hand and gasped. "No," it came out as a whisper. "Shaggy?"

"Cancer," Freddie stated. "He called me before he . . . he didn't tell me he was in the hospital, just that his time with us was the happiest in his life and that he wanted us all to know that he didn't blame us for not being able to make it out. I . . . I told him that nothing was stopping him from visiting us and he made some stupid joke and we ended the call a couple minutes later."

"He left a message on my machine telling me that he was proud of me and then he told me to keep living a great life and that he wanted me to remember to enjoy it as much as possible," Velma whispered. "Why didn't he tell us? I'd have made time if I'd have known."

"Daphne thinks he didn't want to be a bother," Freddie stated.

"Maybe he didn't want us to feel obligated." Velma blinked away tears. "If I'd known I would have-" she choked back a sob. "When's the service?"

"Two weeks from now at the Ft. Bragg Main Post cemetery. He's being buried with full military honors."

"I'll be there," Velma promised.

IIIIIIIIII

Shaggy examined himself in the mirror. "Like, I thought you were just gonna make me a werewolf again?"

"It's fangs to the fact that you didn't want to give up your winnings, coach," Sibella purred. Not to mention the fact that none of the girls would agree to fully transform their coach into another type of ghoul. "You got a bit from each one our kind, coach, in addition to the bit of wolf you already had. You've always been one of a kind, coach, now you're one of a kind in body too."

"Zoinks." He grinned. "Thanks, I think."

"Don't mention it, coach," she said lightly. "How do you like being young again?"

"Like, it gives me a new appreciation of all the aches and pains I didn't realize I had," Shaggy laughed. "What next?"

"Next we arrange identification for you while you read through the briefing documents." The girl turned and began to walk away. "Do be sure to read through all of them, coach. Phanty's been working overtime to get as much information as she can for you, coach. She'll be disappointed if you don't."

IIIIIIIIII

Velma was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who'd turned up to her old friend's funeral. Representatives from every branch of the military, just about every branch of law enforcement, politicians, foreign dignitaries, captains of industry, authors, actors, singers, dancers, and surprisingly a large number of race car drivers.

It was a representative from one of the car companies that explained the last group. "He raced funny cars for years, even won the 1988 Monster Road Rally, still something of a folk hero over in Transylvania because of it from what I've been told," the race car driver explained. "He was something special, one of the best there was. Lotta people wonder how far he woulda gone if he'd left the Wacky Races and gone to WRC."

"Forget his racing career, he should have gone to Munich in seventy two," an unfamiliar woman opined. "One of the best gymnasts I've ever seen."

She was in a daze when she rejoined her old traveling companions. Her old friend's life had been cut short way too soon but he'd managed to pack more into it than any hundred other people. She wished she'd been able to share more of it with him than she had, wished that she hadn't made so many excuses over the years to avoid meeting up again.

"You okay?" Daphne asked.

"No," Velma admitted. "The more stories I hear the more I realize how far apart we all drifted and the more I regret not getting back together to catch up before it was too late." She sighed heavily. "There are only three of us now. I wish . . . I just wish we could all be together again for even just one day, for things to be like they were for just a day."

"Me too," Fred spoke up. "Those days, solving mysteries, were some of the happiest of my life. Felt like we were really making a difference in the world."

"We were making a difference in the world," Daphne insisted. "We still make a difference, just in a different way than we did back then."

They went silent when the first speaker stepped up to the lectern. "We're here to honor one of the greatest individuals I had the pleasure of meeting. A war hero, a detective, a race car driver, an educator, and a damned good man. I first met Shaggy in eighty two-"

IIIIIIIIII

Shaggy put down the dossier and shifted his attention back to his old students.

"What about destroying the other parasites?" he demanded.

"Don't worry about it, coach," Winnie stated. "We're on it. You just concentrate on saving the kid and as many other people as you can."

Shaggy nodded. "Alright, but promise to come to me if you need help."

"Will do, coach."

"I mean it," Shaggy ordered. "You called me in because you were busy with someone else. You will call on me after I save the girl and I will help. You, none of you, are going to do this alone. I'll be with you every step of the way"

"You got it, coach," the girl agreed, inordinately pleased by the order.

"We have another surprise for you, coach," Sibella interjected. "A good one, I hope."

"Yes?"

"Rello, Raggy," a familiar voice rumbled. "Rong time ro see."

"Scoob?" he asked hopefully.

"Rah, rits me." The shadows seemed to come together into a familiar form.

"It's been a long time, old pal," Shaggy choked.

"Rah," Scooby agreed. "Rah really rong rime."

"Thank Phanty, coach, she was the one who figured out how to give him a new body," Sibella said softly. "It took all of us to make it happen but she's the one who figured it out."

"I'll thank all of you," Shaggy said, his voice heavy with emotion. "I wasn't sure I'd be able to pull things off without Scoob to help me."

"Rah, ranks," Scooby agreed.

"There's one more thing, coach," Sibella said, looking nervous.

He shifted his attention from his best pal to his former student. "The cost?"

"Yes, coach," she agreed. "The cost."

"What is it?"

"You're not human anymore, coach, you're like us." The girl licked her lips. "We don't get old, coach, we're not quite eternal but we're close enough to being so that it doesn't really matter." She braced herself for the explosion she knew was coming.

He frowned at her. "That's it?"

"What do you mean that's it? You turned us down so many times, coach, you said you didn't want to lose your humanity and now you have."

"I said I wanted to stop being a burden on you girls," Shaggy corrected. "I knew I wouldn't be human anymore when I agreed to this. I thought I'd be a werewolf, remember? When you said there'd be a cost I thought you meant something bad, not this."

"Oh." She felt a wave of tension leave her body. "That's it, coach."

"Okay, Scoob gonna last for a long time too?"

"As long as you do, coach."

"That's alright then, don't worry about it."

"We're all gonna be together a long time, coach," she said cautiously.

"So long as you girls don't feel obligated to keep taking care of me that's fine," Shaggy replied. "I want you all living your own lives and enjoying yourselves, not chained to an old man like me."

"You're not an old man anymore, coach," Sibella pointed out. "Besides, age wise you're only a few years older than I am."

"Twenty is more than a few," he said dryly.

"It's the blink of an eye when you're looking at eternity, coach, we're all about the same age now and . . . and we're not your students anymore," she blurted the last bit, surprising herself with her daring.

"No you're not," he agreed. "You all grew into fine young women."

"Yes, coach, we're women now," she stated.

"Uh huh, I couldn't be prouder," he replied cheerfully. "Like, when do we get started?"

"We're all going to have to have a very long talk later, coach," Sibella huffed. "To answer your question, we're not in a hurry, coach. Time doesn't really flow the same here as it does in the world we're entering. We can sit here for days or even months and you can still arrive in time to save the life of a woman that doesn't deserve it and a dog that does."

"What do you suggest?"

"Training, coach, lots of it. You were a werewolf before so it shouldn't be too difficult to adjust but what you are now is something very different from what you have ever been, something unprecedented. It would be unwise to just assume that you can just wing it."

"You're right," Shaggy agreed. "When do we start?"

IIIIIIIIII

Rachel screamed, she fought, she bit, she did everything she could to escape her captors so that she could help her only friend in the world.

"Hold her!" the foster spat as she pushed the puppy's head underwater. "Don't let her look away, she needs to learn what happens when she misbehaves."

"NO!" Rachel begged, it broke her heart to watch her best friend get weaker and weaker as he fought for his life. "PLEASE NO!"

"Shut up!" one of the foster kids holding her growled. "This is your fault! Just shut up and take it!"

"NO!" she screamed. "Please, please, please," Rachel sobbed. She tried again to wrench herself free, not caring if she hurt herself, frantic to do something, anything to save her only friend.

"I said shut it!" the other foster kid punched her in the kidney. "Stop struggling or this will be worse for you!"

Rachel's heart broke when her friend went still, it was over, she'd failed to help her only friend. She sagged as a wave of vertigo stole her sense of balance. DESTINATION!

A deep growl followed by a shrill scream brought her attention back to the present, the woman, her enemy, was frantically trying to fend off a monster . . . no! Her heart soared. Her best friend was alive! Alive and fighting back! The grip on her arms slackened and Rachel took the opportunity to free herself and throw herself into the fray to support her friend. No one would hurt him again, no matter what she had to do she'd protect him.

A low whistle stopped her in her tracks, her best friend too had stopped biting the woman and had cocked his head in confusion.

"Like, I'm sorry I couldn't have gotten here sooner," an unfamiliar man said, shocking her with his appearance since she'd knew with every fiber of her being that he hadn't been standing there before. The man turned to her best friend. "Step back so I can tourniquet what's left of her arms."

Her best friend growled at the man, challenging his authority to tell either of them what to do. The response came not from the stranger, but from the shadows which she now saw held the biggest dog she'd ever seen. It . . . no, he growled softly in response, a warning that further misbehavior would not be tolerated.

Her best friend took two steps back and rolled over to show submission, Rachel carefully walked to her only friend's side and did the same.

"You!" the stranger addressed the other foster kid. "You will call nine one one, you will tell them everything that happened here, you will not leave anything out, and you absolutely will not lie." His eyes seemed to look through the kid. "If you do then I will be back. You don't want me to come back, do you?"

"No, sir," the other kid squeaked. "I don't ever want to see you ever again."

"Good. Move!"

Rachel watched, careful to avoid making eye contact as the stranger stopped the foster's bleeding. He did not even make the barest effort to be gentle, she noted with approval.

He glanced their way when he was finished. "Up!"

She and her friend were instantly on their feet. "Come on, all of us could use a good meal and none of us are going to get it any time soon if we stick around for the authorities."

She and her friend hastened to follow him as he walked out of the back yard.

"I'm Shaggy," the stranger introduced himself. "That's Scooby."

"Bitch," she said softly, she rested her hand on her best friend's head. "He doesn't have a name yet."

"Your name is not bitch," the stran-Shaggy said firmly.

"S'what everyone calls me," she said stubbornly. "S'what I am. Means girl dog."

"Your name is not bitch," he stated firmly. "You don't have to go by Rachel but I will not call you bitch."

She huffed in annoyance.

"We'll discuss it after we eat," he, Shaggy said calmly. "This isn't the sort of conversation for an empty stomach."

AN: Part of my ongoing effort to find half written ideas on my computer and getting them finished enough to post.

Correction by James Russell.

Omake: Briefing

Everyone watched silently as the intel officer walked up to the head of the meeting room and clicked to the first slide. It showed a man in a green shirt with messy brown hair, emerging from his shadow was a dog of epic proportions, and at his side was a teenaged girl wearing a dog mask.

"This picture was taken on the boardwalk approximately two hours ago. The male is Shaggy, also known as the Handler. Powers unconfirmed, presumed to be the dog shaped projection in his shadow. The girl beside him is Canis, believed to have the power to enhance and possibly master dogs. Both are considered neutral to friendly towards the PRT and the Protectorate. Known associates are the Ghouls-

"That's the group that claimed the kill orders on the the Slaughterhouse Nine, correct?" Piggot interrupted.

"It is, ma'am, also on Heartbreaker and they are rumored to have done something about the Butcher. No details are available on the last, ma'am."

"I see. Proceed," Piggot ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," the intel officer agreed. "It is unknown at this time why the Handler and his associate have come to Brockton Bay. If encountered we would suggest taking a soft approach and trying to build a rapport before asking them about their presence or inviting them in for power testing."

Omake: I don't need sedatives, I've got Matches

Armsmaster ignored the blinking warning lights in his HUD as he forced himself to stand. They didn't matter, all that mattered was getting back in the fight to prevent Lung from burning the docks to the ground.

"Like, you okay, man?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

He looked at the stranger and identified him as the Handler. "I am not," Armsmaster admitted. "Are you able to provide assistance by aiding in the evacuation or resisting the parahuman criminal known as Lung?"

"It's handled," the other parahuman assured him. "Just relax until we can get you a doctor."

"What do you mean, it's handled?" Armsmaster demanded.

"I mean, don't worry, I've got this covered," Shaggy assured the head of the local branch of the Protectorate.

"How? I don't suppose you've got sedatives that would work on him, do you?" Armsmaster asked calmly. Nothing about the man's known or suspected powers suggested an immediate solution though he supposed it was possible that the man's projection was powerful enough to do something he thought it unlikely, if so it would be one of the most powerful on record.

"I don't need sedatives," Shaggy stated. "I've got matches."

Armsmaster considered the strange hero's reply. "I do not believe that-"

A giant blur struck Lung, knocking the villain into the bay. A sonic boom, his sensors indicated.

"What was that?!"

"Matches."

Omake: Eternity

"You know the most difficult thing about living as long as we do, coach?" Phantasma asked, continuing without waiting for a response. "It's how difficult it is to find someone, anyone, to share your unlife with. All the old ghouls are, well, old, and they've all been around each other so long that most of them aren't interested in meeting anyone new and the ones that do are either not the type you'd want to meet or are too afraid of your family to want anything to do with you."

"Don't give up," Shaggy said encouragingly. "I'm sure there's someone out there for you!"

"Oh, I know there is, coach," she said, her smile impossibly wide.

"Great, keep that positive outlook and I know you'll succeed," he said cheerfully. "Let me know if you need my help."

The phantom sighed heavily. Was he really that oblivious or was he just pretending?

AN: Typo by Plmc.

Addition by Plmc

"Yes, I could use your help."

"What do you need?" he said immeadiately, visibly becoming more focused.

"I need you to come with me in here..."

"Wait, isn't this the way to your bedroom?"

"That is is, coach."

Omake: Banned

Vicky's eyebrows knit together in concentration. There was something different about Fugly Bob's that she couldn't . . . THERE! Someone, two someones had beaten the challenge since her last visit.

Feet six inches off the floor, she hovered closer to examine the photos. On the left was a sleepy looking brown haired man holding up a burger that looked like it was about four times larger than the normal challenge, and had been made out of four challenge burgers according to the caption. To the right was a dog holding a similar sized burger.

She squinted and began reading aloud, "These pictures taken after the two contestants finished the first challenge, stated that it was a nice appetizer, and ordered four more. It took them approximately thirty minutes to finish them, ten of those minutes were used stacking them into the mega-burgers in the photo only to announce that they were far from satisfied before replicating the feat six more times. The management would like to take the time to congratulate our contestants on doing something once thought impossible, to encourage others not to try to replicate this feat, and to announce that these two are banned from further attempts. We're happy to feed them, but we're not going to feed the for free."

AN: Idea by Jeff Marcum, idea about the mega-burgers stack by Plmc.

Omake by meteoricshipyards

There he was _again_! Just walking along in that slouched method that said "not a care in the world." Well, _this_ time he was going to get answers! He started running, and Armsmaster's powered armor activated speed mode, quickly bringing it to 30 mph. The boardwalk had too many people to go all out, but it didn't matter, he would catch the Handler in just moments...

"Hey man, you got anything good to sell?" the dirty youth asked Shaggy.

"No, man. I'm off that stuff. And much better for it. You should try to get clean, too. Life's really better that way..."

"Don't tell me what to do! You sound like my old man. I hate him!" The druggie took a swing at Shaggy, who easily avoided the punch, but bumped into one of the security people who walked up to what looked like a problem. Shaggy, not expecting to encounter anything there, accidentally dropped his snack, As he turned to the refrigerator in a security outfit, he noticed something moving quickly their way down the boardwalk.

"Look out!" he shouted, pushing the druggy out of the way, and stepping around the security goon, who didn't budge when Shaggy tried to direct him.

The armored man came up at a quick speed and the computer in the suit stopped it's running, instantly, gyroscopes in the suit twisting to adjust for the torque of the upper body momentum when the legs suddenly stopped.

Except they didn't.

Armsmaster's foot came down on the banana that Shaggy had been eating, and he went skidding down the path at thirty miles an hour (and slowing).

"Wow! I thought the banana thing was just something that happened in cartoons!" He said, as he headed on his way.

Omake by Jeff Marcum

Norville Rogers looked at the manager of Brockton Bay's biggest grocery store in utter horror. "You've never heard of them? But they've been out for decades."

At the shake of the manager's head, his horror managed to top out. No more Scooby Snacks.