All I Want For Christmas – Chapter 1
As the final strains of Silent Night faded into the night air and the congregation descended the steps of the cathedral after the Christmas Eve service, Elizabeth took a moment to steal a glance at Nathan walking beside her.
Inside she felt the familiar warmth that always swept through her as she reminded herself that he was her husband, the chance of which she so nearly lost as she gave into her fears for far too long. In the end it was the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson that Nathan had carved into a plaque for her, Always do what you are afraid to do, that had finally broken through the barrier she had placed around her heart and once she opened it to his love she wondered why she had ever hesitated. Every day with this man was a day to be cherished.
But now she could see little signs of tension on his face, his shadowed eyes seeing but not really embracing all that was going on around him. His mind was away from here and she was pretty sure she knew where.
In front of them Allie was exclaiming with great excitement at all the fancy goods displayed in the shop windows they passed on their way back to the car, Julie egging her on as only her younger sister could. She had taken Allie under her wing when they arrived in Hamilton, knowing how daunting this new experience in the big city would be for her, and already Elizabeth was wondering if she was going to live to regret letting that happen. Thank goodness the shops were closed right now or they may never get home.
She turned around to look over her shoulder as the sound of her older sister's voice reached them, watching as she stepped in another slushy snow puddle before proclaiming to her father, "All I want for Christmas is a really good tan pair of leather boots!"
Smiling to herself Elizabeth whispered to Nathan, "I told her to wear something sensible on her feet but of course Viola didn't listen. She thinks she is still in London where a car or carriage is at her beck and call to whisk her from door to door. She probably has one of those sedan chairs in the hallway so that she never gets her feet wet or dirty!"
Nathan laughed then, something she had noticed he had done rarely since their arrival at her parents' house three days earlier. He had been polite and charming, in his quiet way, chatting and listening to everyone as though all of this was normal for him but she knew that beneath that front he was finding it difficult to relax and be himself, so worried was he of doing or saying the wrong thing. She understood how overwhelming it was to be thrust into all of this, knowing that her family could be a bit daunting. Even more so with Viola and Lionel here when for some reason her mother believed she had to live up to her own perceived standard of the British aristocracy and their ways. Their different Christmas traditions.
The formality and grandness of their life in Hamilton was a big change for Nathan, Allie and Little Jack, but the children just accepted it in the way they did every new adventure put in in front of them. They marvelled at the size of the house and all the staff, wanted to play with every toy in the nursery all at once and in Allie's case read every book on the shelves there. With every meal their faces either lit up or were pulled into strange expressions as they decided whether they liked the unknown things they were eating. It was like being in a magic kingdom and they were loving it, even the bits they were uncertain about.
Her darling Nathan, on the other hand, didn't aspire to any part of this way of life and she had seen him at times looking off into the distance, no doubt dreaming of being back in their row house sharing the simple pleasures that meant so much to him. He was a man who needed little, just the love of his family and the knowledge that he was doing good in the world.
"Lizbeth? Did you hear me?"
She shook her head to clear the thoughts going through her mind as she realised he had been speaking to her. "I'm sorry, I was miles away. What is it you were saying?"
Nathan gave her a proper smile then, that half crooked grin that had the ability to make her go weak at the knees. But she could see it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"I was just asking what happens next tonight. I'm presuming there is another formal meal for us to sit through when we get to the house? With a lot more strangers whose names I shall never remember. Please tell me that I don't need to change my clothes yet again."
She was about to snap back with a reply that he was being ungracious towards her family who had welcomed him into their home for Christmas, when she realised that was not true.
Yes, Julie had been excited when she announced a few months ago that she and Nathan were to wed in a quiet ceremony with just their children and closest friends and family. "We don't want a fuss", she had explained to her younger sister. "Nathan is not a man for large gatherings and prefers to keep things simple. As do I. All we want is to be married." Julie had adored Nathan from the moment she met him and told Elizabeth that frequently, with a wink to jokingly say she had better watch out!
Grace Thatcher, however, was not as enthusiastic. Elizabeth knew that her mother had harboured dreams of her two single daughters, as she referred to them despite Elizabeth having been married to Jack, making unions that equalled Viola's or even bettered it. If one of them was to wed a European prince it would certainly set Grace up at the top of Hamilton society but, quite honestly, the thought of spending the rest of her life with someone like Lionel was not something she wished to entertain. He was a pleasant enough man but so very boring, which made him just perfect for her older sister.
Of course, her mother had been polite to Nathan since they arrived but that was just it. There was an almost condescending manner in the way she spoke to him, her tone reminiscent of the one she used when addressing Wilson, their butler, or Roberts the chauffeur. She had seen Nathan tensing ever so slightly each time she addressed him on their first day here, his fixed smile not letting on that he was perfectly aware of the meaning of her tone. But he knew that Grace Thatcher thought he wasn't good enough for her daughter so after that he simply did everything he could to avoid being anywhere near her mother, which made Elizabeth sad for they were two of the people she loved most in the world.
Thankfully her father made up for it, welcoming Nathan in a manner that was almost in defiance of his wife's behaviour. He had accompanied Julie to Hope Valley for the wedding, wanting to be there for her and, more importantly, to meet the man who had stolen her heart. He knew that one shouldn't have a favourite child yet he couldn't help himself. His Beth reminded him so much of how Grace was when he first knew her. Sometimes he wondered if he had been the reason for the change in her over the years, that somehow he had not been enough.
He and Nathan had spoken at length during which he was honest about his concern that Elizabeth was marrying another Mountie, remembering only too well how powerless he had felt at being unable to do anything to ease her grief after Jack died. Very quickly Nathan had won him over with his quiet unassuming manner, his assurance that he wasn't a risk taker as the most important thing to him would always be coming home to his family. That and his clear love for her and the children had persuaded her father that he was the right man for her.
"Anyone can see that you three are his world Beth", William had later told her. "Not that I think there won't be challenges for the two of you but from what I have observed I know you will work together to find a solution to whatever problems you may face. That is the secret of a happy marriage, understanding the needs of the other as well as thinking about what you want. There is always an answer out there if you look for it. Sometimes you find a compromise, other times you have to decide what is worth the most to you."
She knew that in some ways he was talking about his own marriage to her mother. It was Aunt Agatha who had let slip to her that it hadn't been a marriage of love for her mother but a joining together of two society families, a union of business and social standing. But despite that start Elizabeth believed that love had eventually come to some degree. On her father's part she was sure it had been there from the very beginning and had only grown deeper over the years. It was clear to see in his expression whenever he looked at his wife, however frustrating her behaviour may be to him at times.
Perhaps that was why it brought him so much joy to know that his daughter had married for love.
She took Nathan's hand as they neared the car, trying to think of a way to make him feel more comfortable during their visit. He had been the one who insisted on accepting the invitation to spend Christmas in Hamilton, believing it was important that they make sure that their relationship with her parents was strong from the beginning, if not for themselves but for the children.
He was honest when he spoke about his own mother and father, their history making it hard to build a close bond with them together and, whilst he knew it would take time, he had great confidence that eventually he would succeed. But first he had decided they would do whatever it took to make sure that things were right with her family for he knew how much it meant to her.
Looking at him now she wondered if he regretted that decision.
"I'm afraid you are right about another dinner but I'm sure no-one will notice if we slip off as soon as we have finished eating. We can blame it on tiredness from the journey catching up with us. We wouldn't be lying as it has been a whirlwind of activity since we arrived. Everyone will understand that we need to build up our strength to cope with the excitement of the morning when the children wake up to not only realise that it is Christmas Eve but also Little Jack's birthday."
Nathan nodded, his voice taking on an even more serious edge when he spoke. "You're not going to saying anything, are you? With so many strangers around? We decided we were going to keep it for the end of Christmas Day."
Elizabeth knew from the tone of his voice that he wanted to keep this one thing just to themselves for a bit longer. As long Nathan had that to hold on to he would do what was required of him to keep everyone happy, even though making small talk with yet more people was definitely the last thing he would want to be doing.
"No, I promise I won't tell them. We haven't even spoken to the children about it yet and they deserve to know first. I want to give them time to get used to the idea before we say anything to the others."
She knew it probably wasn't the time now to tell him that it would be even busier on Christmas Day itself as her mother liked the house to be filled with as many of their family and friends as possible. As a child she had revelled in the noise filled celebration but now that she had experienced the pleasure of spending Christmas Day doing simple things with those you loved the most, such crowded festivities no longer held the same attraction for her.
Nathan stopped and drew her close to him, hidden in the shadow between street lights he brought his mouth down to cover hers. When he finally released her lips he whispered, "I will do whatever you feel is right. I know it was my choice to come here but sometimes it is just difficult to share all of this…you and the children…our first Christmas together…when what I really want is to have our new family all to myself, even just for a little while."
"I know you do my love and I promise we will find our own ways to enjoy time for just us and the children alone."
Behind them she could hear her father's voice pointing out a building to Lionel, explaining that he was in the process of buying it. She knew that he had actually just completed the deal but gave a silent thank you to him for finding a way to stop them from catching up. Somehow he knew that she and Nathan needed a few moments alone before the next round of the festivities began.