Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the prologue. Also, thank you to everybody who left kudos or added the story to your alerts. I'm not sure what my regular posting day will be yet, so I do suggest adding the story to your alerts. Regardless, you are so fabulous.
A few notes, we will be switching back and forth between the "Tony and Steve have their ship together" timeline and the "Tony and Steve are still idiots" timeline. Which as you see so far is not quite the same as the way it was in Endgame cannon, such as the fact that Tony is not married, but Steve is. We will explore why that's the case as we go forward. I have my reasons for mixing things up a little bit.
To make things easier, I'm trying to come up with a way to differentiate between characters, especially in my A/Ns. So the Steve and Tony from we made better life choices timeline will be referred to as Tony and Steve Stark-Rogers or Tony SR and Steve SR. Although there will be some times in-story where Tony Stark Rogers will be referred to as just Director Stark. Apparently, he can't make his subordinates refer to him as his future married name until after the actual wedding. ATCU bureaucracy is annoying.
Tony and Steve from the "we made bad choices and therefore the purple one won" timeline will be referred to as Steve May-Rogers and Tony Stark-Potts (or some variation of that) or Steve MR and Tony SP. Even though Tony SP and Pepper SP never got married, Tony added the Potts last name just to fuck with Howard from the grave. Let's just say that Sharon never passed along Peggy's bequeathment, so Tony Stark-Potts has even more daddy issues than Tony Stark-Rogers.
The Melinda May from the "bad life choices timeline" will also be referred to as May-Rogers and sometimes just Mrs. Rogers or Melinda. I just realized I now have three Mays in this story. Why do I hate myself? Will there be a fourth? I am not telling yet, but I will try to be as clear as possible with which May I'm referring to and will try very hard not to write something where I am referring to all of them at the same time. I'm not that much of a masochist.
I'm planning for us to have shorter chapters again, which might mean weekly updates. I'm going to try at least.
Anthony love is Tony Stark-Rogers' current designation in his fiancé's phone. His current Avenger network callsign is Director Stark. TMNS is Peter. Also, in this timeline, it's Deputy Secretary of State James Rhodes.
Also, remember that nobody under 18 is referred to by their real name in the text messages. If they are, the AIs will remove the name. However, in this universe, Flash and Liz are over 18 by the time this chapter takes place.
I hope by the next chapter, these A/Ns will be significantly shorter.
Conversation 1: Cuddle Bunny Text me Back When you get this
Anthony love: So where exactly are you oh fiancé of mine? I haven't heard from you since we found out Coulson was being kidnapped by my soon to be very former Deputy Director.
Anthony love: BTW I have agents searching her home right now. I never trusted her. We're aware the president's choices in political appointments are shit outside of Platypus and his big boss.
Anthony love: It's been less than an hour, but I am concerned. Mainly because I've been informed that you're no longer actually on Earth as of five minutes ago.
Anthony love: Your lack of response is making me believe that you're no longer on Earth. With the Princess and little birds help theoretically, I've tapped into the interplanetary communications network, but there's a lag time.
Anthony love: You off-planet would concern me if the flaming head didn't possess the ability to make portals. I'm still trying to come up with a scientific explanation for him. No, I don't believe the "devil" gave him superpowers.
Anthony love: Unless he's referring to Ross as the devil. That explanation would almost be viable. You know he was using State Department funds to do who knows what before he got kicked out. Platypus and the new M are still trying to figure out all the ways he misappropriated funds.
Anthony love: I'm sure evil Ross's new "think tank" is probably funded by Watchdog sympathizers doing lots of crazy shit. I can't wait until he's arrested for fraud.
Anthony love: So, are the secret Avengers MIA because of Coulson, or did you fly off to Asgard to be part of the Calvary? I feel like that's something flaming head would do and only partially because Lilly's aunt made him.
Anthony love: Speaking of the Calvary, I barely was able to keep Agent America from flying over to Mumbai to get her boyfriend back. Although if I don't hear back from you by morning our time, I'm probably going to resort to using an Icer on her.
Anthony love: I feel like that would lead to a broken nose, and there's no way I'm risking that before the wedding.
Anthony love: Although maybe Agent America will go for a different body part then you. I feel there are some body parts that you would be really upset if she attacks.
Anthony love: PS that body part really misses you and is sad we probably won't even have time for a supply room handjob. We haven't been in the same country since Valentine's Day/Presidents' Day weekend. The finalization of the Mumbai agreement and getting Flash settled in his own apartment have been time-consuming.
Anthony love: So please hurry up and text me back. Because I do not want to deal with a pissed-off Agent May. I'm not 100% sure she'd ever forgiven Leo for icing her to prevent her from using the big book of evil everything.
Anthony love: I know you've been radio silent for less than an hour, but she's worried. You know we're all on edge because Robin keeps drawing pictures of doom, gloom, and a purple genocidal maniac.
Anthony love: Also, Laura just got kidnapped from the compound.
Anthony love: I realize now I probably should have led with that. I have other agents going there to deal with that. This may be the other reason why Agent America is concerned. Simultaneous kidnappings are never a good sign.
Anthony love: So, there is a chance we may be dealing with alien doubles again with teleporting abilities. Remind me again why I took this job? Oh yes, to get you back in the country.
Anthony love: You're the only thing worth this much craziness.
Anthony love: Hey sweetie pickle, I must go. Spidey senior is texting me on the Avenger line, but I will be back. Write me.
Anthony love: Like seriously, what the fuck is going on sugarplum?
TMNS: We're on our way to the Lighthouse because, apparently, we're not allowed to go to the compound per Ms. Marvel's cousin.
Director Stark: That would be because someone who looks a lot like Laura's husband teleported into the building about an hour ago and then teleported out with her. So, you are not going to the compound.
TMNS: We are aware.
Director Stark: Ms. Marvel and family are coming here. You know outside of the one cousin that's a Shield agent.
Director Stark: Along with Lily bear and the big brother. Also, I had to send Yo-Yo to tell Purple Arrow about what happened, and that's not going to be a pleasant conversation. But it's better than one of the kids video calling him. Lily really wants to talk to her dad right now.
TMNS: Since you're already bringing civilians into the lighthouse, this might be the time to tell you that Flash is with us. He kind of passed out, and Afia doesn't want to leave him alone in his apartment.
Director Stark: Why did Flash pass out? Was alcohol involved? I heard about the break-up. I knew we should have tried a more intensive rehab program with him, but he didn't want to miss school.
TMNS: Why did everybody know about the breakup before me? Also, no drinking. Although apparently vast quantities of ice cream were involved.
Director Stark: We have a secure Avengers/Shield chat group for it. Everybody hated his boyfriend. Although probably for different reasons than you did.
TMNS: We're friends, and [Redacted] can barely take that. I like MJ. I just don't want him to be with a dick. He deserves more than that.
Director Stark: Because you like him like you like MJ and not entirely sure how to process that. Please don't lie to yourself. It's annoying.
Director Stark: Also, MJ keeps getting you books on polyandry. I think she's trying to tell you something. Just take the third option.
Director Stark: Also, if I dated who my friends wanted me today, I would still be with Pepper. Maybe you should make your own choices.
TMNS: Flash passed out because he now knows my secret identity and that Afia is an LMD. He found out about that because she kind of passed out. Although Karen referred to it as data overload.
Director Stark: Kid, you should've led with that. Ana, why wasn't I informed?
TMNS: Your daughter is fine. She just doesn't remember the last two hours. The good news is Flash is conscious again. Piper is taking care of him.
Director Stark: Which explains why Agent Piper hasn't checked in. Ana still should've said anything, and she's not responding at all, my Ana anyway. The secret Avengers version has made contact. Why is my AI not responding?
TMNS: Karen says that she's busy processing the data that overloaded Afia. Karen is taking care of all necessary ATCU functions now. She's also trying to figure out how to deliver your messages to Steve. The estimated arrival time is three hours.
"Karen, thank you for stepping up. But what could be that overwhelming?" Tony said out loud, realizing per the emergency protocol created after the Princess and the Fitz twins turned Friday into a real girl, Karen was now the main Avenger AI. Avenger Ana was a separate system for Secret Avengers use.
"Possibly processing all the data related to our attempt at turning Pym Tech into a Time Machine. It didn't work because instead of ending up in our past, we ended up in a different timeline. Although it is 2018, so we are in the past. I think that's what Nana was going for since I did find Bobo. You're not necessarily my Bobo, but maybe her Bobo. The multi-verse is confusing. Maybe I should have talked to other Stark instead of just peeking at his private server for his time travel notes." The voice Tony heard was not Karen, but some unknown guy standing next to Leo and Hunter.
"Who are you?" Tony asked, confused, and concerned.
"According to a DNA scan, my step-grandson," Hunter replied nonplussed.
"I read that in your report, and I still find it highly implausible despite my husband having a teammate that makes my Ferrari flame," Tony replied.
"Or nephew. He could be Fitz's grandkid." Leo remarked. "Did you and Capt. Patriotism elope in the last 24 hours?" Hunter's comment caused Tony to realize he referred to Steve as his husband. He's not going to call attention to that slip.
"Obviously, he is your nephew since we're sleeping together," Hunter said, kissing Leo. "Definitely a Fitzsimmons kid," Hunter whispered against Leo's lips.
"This is not how I wanted to find out my grandfather is bisexual. Nana never mentioned this." The alleged grandson replied.
"What's going on?" Tony asked, looking at the trio still very confused.
"That's a long story," Hunter replied, sighing.
"And we're still trying to figure it out." Leo followed up for his husband. Tony is totally calling Hunter Leo's husband because they really were legally married, even if Hunter was unaware. Well as legal as it can be when technically the other person is from a different timeline.
"I'm going to go get some of the good hot chocolate, and then we are going to go into my office and you're going to explain what the fuck is going on," Tony said as he looked to his phone again. Peter just texted him back to let him know that they were five minutes out. Maybe they should just have a large group debrief.
"Can I have a Zima?" The alleged nephew asked. "My grandfather is married to Hunter. I need one."
"No. I feel like whatever you're going to tell me requires me to not be around any alcohol, including something as odious as Zima."
"You're not wrong," Hunter mumbled under breath.
To be continued
M is State Department shorthand for the Under Secretary for Management. Let's just say that the person who took this job after the Ross Administration was not happy at all with the skeletons they encountered.
Flaming head is Tony's nickname for Robbie Reyes, a.k.a. Ghost Rider II. In this universe, he is a member of Steve's Secret Avengers.