He doesn't need this. He doesn't want this.
To be honest, he doesn't know for certain what he wants or doesn't want. He doesn't even know what he needs or doesn't need. He's never been allowed to have wants, and he's usually not allowed to have needs either. But he thinks he neither wants nor needs this.
The "needs" part is pretty simple. He doesn't need Batman hovering over him. Batman has much better and more important things to be doing. Batman is so important! Batman is always saving people and saving the day, he's so important! Even when he's not Batman, Batman is important, because then he's Bruce Wayne and he's working to make Gotham better. Bruce Wayne is important, and Batman is important, and Batman's needed in Gotham.
Batman is not needed here with Junior. Junior doesn't need Batman to talk to him with quiet encouragement or offer him food or pet his hair or just sit there holding his hand. Junior doesn't need Batman. Gotham needs Batman.
And yet…
Batman is here. With Junior.
Or, well. Bruce Wayne is here with Junior, if the removal of the Batman cowl and cape has anything to say about the situation. Junior is shocked every time Bruce shows up in civilian clothes, like he's not worried about keeping himself and his identity safe. It's almost like Bruce trusts everybody in the Watchtower, even Junior, trusts enough to walk around without his fully-armored suit, enough to walk around with his whole face showing, enough to walk around without sneaking around.
It's something Father would've never done under any circumstances.
Junior is pretty sure he's the only one who knows Father is the Joker. At least, Junior is the only one who knows Father is the Joker who's still alive. Mother had known, but Mother hadn't cared as long as she got her cut of the proceeds from the schemes, and Mother's been dead for years.
Everyone dies, after all. Mother died. So many of Father's victims die.
Junior wants to die.
That's why he doesn't want this. He doesn't need this. He doesn't want or need or deserve Batman coming in and being so nice to him.
But Batman still comes in. And Batman is still nice. Like now.
Batman, or, well, Bruce Wayne is trying to convince Junior that Bruce Wayne wants to help. Of course Bruce Wayne wants to help. Bruce Wayne is Batman is Bruce Wayne is Batman. But Bruce Wayne says he wants to help Junior, and Junior just can't accept that. Junior can't be helped.
"We could go for a stroll," Bruce Wayne is saying tentatively, kneeling next to the bed that Junior is sitting on. "Maybe get a little exercise. You've been cooped up in here for far too long."
Junior stares at Bruce Wayne. Junior doesn't know what to say. He can't say no, but he can't say yes, but he can't just keep staring, but he can't let this go on. "I can't."
"You can," Bruce Wayne says. "As long as I'm with you, you're cleared to walk around the low-security-clearance parts of the Watchtower."
Junior shakes his head. "I can't. I'd, I would- I can't."
"You would-" Bruce Wayne says, then he lets his voice trail off, repeating Junior's words and clearly fishing for more.
Junior shuts up. He can't. He's not going to tell Bruce Wayne that Junior would definitely do something wrong, because Bruce Wayne as Batman probably already knows that. Except Bruce Wayne is acting like Junior wouldn't do something wrong. Bruce Wayne keeps telling Junior that nothing was Junior's fault, and that nobody is blaming Junior, and that nothing is going to keep Bruce Wayne and everybody else from helping Junior.
But Junior doesn't need help. Junior doesn't deserve help. Junior doesn't want help.
Shaking his head again, Junior whispers, "I want to be done. I don't want to do this. I just want to die."
Bruce Wayne looks sad, mouth frowning, head tilting, shoulders slumping. "Yes. You've said that."
"Sorry," Junior whispers. "I didn't mean- I'm sorry."
"How about this?" Bruce Wayne says after a long moment. "We go for a walk and we meet Dick and Jason for a meal."
Junior opens his mouth to say no.
But.
But Dick and Jason. Nightwing and Robin. Dick Grayson and Jason Todd and Bruce Wayne, all so good, so kind, so right. His heroes.
And Junior has met Dick Grayson in these past few terrible days, but he hasn't seen Jason Todd since Jason Todd passed out in Superman's arms in the warehouse. Bruce Wayne has promised that Jason Todd was recovering, but hearing it and seeing it are always two different things. It would be… It'd be nice to make sure that Robin was actually okay before Junior convinces Batman to let him die.
Slowly, Junior nods.
And Bruce Wayne absolutely beams. He looks a lot like his public persona of Brucie the clueless and well-meaning billionaire at the moment, but this beaming smile of his is even brighter than his Brucie one. It's both brighter and less painful to watch at the same time, somehow. "All right. Dick and Jason are already waiting for us in a conference room just a few hallways away. Once we're there, I'll call and get something brought in to eat. Let's get going."
Junior nods slowly again.
Bruce Wayne stands up, offering Junior a hand.
Junior considers it. Carefully, he puts out his own hand and just barely brushes against Bruce Wayne's hand.
It doesn't hurt. Each time Bruce Wayne has touched him since Junior got to the Watchtower, it hasn't hurt. Junior marvels at it every time.
Still only barely grabbing Bruce Wayne's hand, Junior stands up. He steadies himself for a moment. It makes him dizzy to get up sometimes. Junior usually blames that on the sparse times he gets to eat, but he's been fed multiple times every day at the Watchtower. So this time he's going to blame it on lying down almost nonstop since he got here, and also blame it a little on Bruce Wayne for making him get up.
The thought sends a rush of fear through him. Blaming Batman? He can't. That's wrong, wrong-wrong-wrong, he can't!
Junior sneaks a look at Bruce Wayne, but Bruce Wayne is still beaming down at him. No sign of anger, no sign of frustration, no sign of getting ready to hit or trap or yank or blame back. That's probably a good sign. Okay.
"Ready?" Bruce Wayne asks.
Junior nods. Despite his own nervousness about clinging too much and making himself a problem and causing Bruce Wayne to need to make him behave, Junior finds himself holding on tightly to Bruce Wayne's hand.
Hand in hand, they walk out of the room.
Bruce Wayne was telling the truth about the conference room being close, because of course he was. Just two turns down the hallway later, Bruce Wayne stops and knocks on a closed door.
"Come on in!" A voice yells cheerfully from behind the door.
Bruce Wayne opens the door and gestures for Junior to go in.
Junior walks forward, feeling himself start to curl inward, trying to keep himself from being noticed. He's not supposed to be seen when he's Joker Junior. He's not supposed to be seen or heard or noticed or acknowledged. Nobody is supposed to know about him unless they're really, really about to die, so Joker Junior stays a secret.
But he isn't a secret, Junior reminds himself. He's known now, so he's a failure.
That thought hurts in a weird way. After all, he did what he was trying to do, mostly. He saved Robin's life and delivered Robin back to Batman. Junior just didn't think he'd get delivered to Batman too.
So was it a failure?
He doesn't know. He regrets getting found, he regrets being known, he regrets being delivered to Batman.
He doesn't regret saving Robin, though.
That's when Junior realizes he's been staring at Robin, at Jason Todd, at the cast and the splinted fingers resting on the wheelchair, this whole time.
Jason Todd is smiling awkwardly, sending nervous glances sideways at Dick Grayson, who's sitting next to him.
Junior shrinks backward. "Sorry."
"You're fine," Jason Todd says quickly. "It's fine. How are you doing? How is everything?"
"It's all right," Junior says back automatically. He feels himself trying to slip into being Timothy, ready to make boring social chit-chat at a social function, but no. That's not allowed. That's not what's supposed to happen. He's being Joker Junior right now, not Timothy. Father hasn't turned Junior into Timothy, so Junior can't be Timothy. It's not right, and not in a right-wrong way.
"Cool," Jason Todd says awkwardly.
Dick Grayson snorts.
Jason Todd elbows him in the ribs.
Dick Grayson gasps, either pretending to be offended or genuinely offended, and leans over as if to elbow him back, but pauses just before making contact. Slowly, Dick Grayson leans back into his own chair.
Now Jason Todd looks offended. "I'm not some kind of baby doll or nothing. You can still mess around with me."
"Just maybe not elbow you," Bruce Wayne says from behind Junior as he closes the door to the conference room. "You have several cracked ribs, Jay."
"Cracked ribs, schmacked schmibs," Jason Todd says dismissively.
Dick Grayson cackles again. "You say that now from a wheelchair, but let me tell you from experience, wait until you start trying to walk on crutches."
"What?" Jason Todd asks.
"Trust me, Little Wing, cracked ribs are going to be your worst enemy," Dick Grayson says confidently.
"Cracked ribs, schmacked schmibs," Jason Todd says again. "It's not going to be a big deal. I'm way tougher than you."
"Oh yeah? Is that why you cried at our last movie night and I didn't?" Dick Grayson asks.
Jason Todd sticks out his tongue.
Despite himself, as the two brothers argue, Junior feels himself start to relax. This… This isn't so bad. They're being kind of funny, bantering like that. It brings him back to times of spying on the Bats during their patrols, supposedly to give Father intel, but sometimes secretly to bring himself just a little smidge of happiness, even if he doesn't deserve it.
"Don't give me that face," Dick Grayson is saying as Junior tunes back in. "Don't you give me that face!"
Jason Todd is making an exaggerated pout. "But you're my big brother. You're supposed to help me. You're supposed to be on my side!"
"I'm on your side right now," Dick Grayson says, waving a hand back and forth between himself and Jason Todd. "Literally!"
"Sitting at my side is not being on my side!" Jason Todd says, still making that exaggerated pout. "I need you with me metaphorically as well as literally. I need you as my big brother."
Dick Grayson sighs. "Fine, fine. You've guilted me into it. You can have my vote for the next movie night."
Jason Todd cheers. "I get to pick, then! I'm totally-"
Shaking his head, Dick Grayson interrupts. "Not necessarily."
Jason Todd pauses. "Uh, yeah?"
"Uh, no," Dick Grayson says. "Two votes out of four isn't a majority."
"But Alfred is the tie-breaker, and he'll totally vote with me," Jason Todd says, affecting that exaggerated pout again. "I'm injured. He'll vote with me."
"You think he won't vote with his newest grandkid?" Dick Grayson asks, pointing across the room at-
Junior.
He's pointing at Junior.
Junior looks around, but no, Bruce Wayne has walked past him to pull some chairs out by the table and is beckoning Junior over, so Dick Grayson isn't pointing at Bruce Wayne, not that it'd make much sense if he was, but that would make more sense than this.
"What kind of movies do you like?" Dick Grayson asks, and yes, he's definitely pointing at Junior. "Alfred will definitely be on your side, so if you can get Bruce on your side, that's the majority right there."
Junior blinks, processing the last minute.
Dick Grayson pauses in thought. "You told him already, right, B?"
"I was going to bring it up to him slowly," Bruce Wayne mutters.
"Oh," Dick Grayson says.
Jason Todd snickers. Carefully, he maneuvers his wheelchair up toward Junior. "Hey, kid. You're one of us now. Congrats."
"One of us," Junior repeats helplessly.
"B was apparently going to 'bring it up' slowly, but when has that ever helped?" Jason Todd says.
"Generally, it does help," Bruce Wayne says petulantly.
Dick Grayson laughs, and Jason Todd scoffs.
"One of us?" Junior says again, feeling beyond lost.
"What, did you think you were staying on the Watchtower forever?" Jason Todd asks, then he adds quickly, "Actually, don't answer that. You're coming to Wayne Manor, and we aren't going to argue with you about it."
Junior wants to feel a lot of things at that statement. He pushes all the feelings down before he can tell what they are. He's not supposed to feel. He's supposed to be exactly right-wrong, or maybe even right-right. If Robin is so sure about this, then Junior isn't going to argue. Junior has done enough that hurt and went against Robin. The cast, the splinted fingers, the mention of cracked ribs… No, Junior isn't going to argue.
At least, not yet. There'll be time to argue later. Junior can't let Batman and Nightwing and Robin think that Junior is the right kind of person when he really isn't. Junior will need to convince them to let him go eventually, and by that, he means he needs to be put in Arkham or, even better, a grave. But for now, with Jason Todd looking at him so confidently, with Dick Grayson's laugh and Bruce Wayne's beaming smile fresh in his mind, Junior really can't argue.