Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. You are so wonderful. I really appreciate your comments and kudos. Please remember to feed your writer; she's needy.

We are back in the good timeline. Tony has to text his best friend to see how the missions going.

We are on Avenger channels. Deputy Secretary of State James Rhodes's code name is D. Which is actually a common nickname for the Deputy Secretary of State.

Warning: This chapter does contain references to material first discussed in WandaVision. It's twisted around for the new timeline, but it is there.

Conversation 31: The Platypus Chats

Chief mechanic: Hey, sorry I didn't get back to you immediately, but Jeffrey decided that prancing around Sunday morning TV was necessary for the sake of the Galaxy. I miss the days when I could go on Good Morning America. You know what I think of Chuck Todd. Robin is the best.

D: At least Jeffrey knew better than to force you to go on Everhart's program.

Chief mechanic: I know I'm part of an administration that loves WHiH and Fox News, but Jeffrey learned his lesson early on. Especially now that I'm making a joint appearance with my fiancé. Besides, you know I don't like to give any company owned by Tiberius any actual business.

Chief mechanic: Well, beyond the sex tape that I know he is still profiting from.

D: I know.

Chief mechanic: Speaking of business. How is Norway? Did you get any souvenirs? Oh, and if the daughter-in-law is with you, tell her to call baby girl tonight. She's worried she is becoming a real girl with monthly annoyance included. I would like to know if I need to start making tampon runs.

D: Wanda will text her later. I assume by souvenirs, you mean a reconstructed hammer? Yes. Ana should be pushing you footage now.

Chief mechanic: Joey actually could put the hammer back together? He is very powerful.

D: That's why I sent you the footage instead of just telling you. Yes. The other agents couldn't even pick up the pieces, but Joey could put them back together again. The hammer didn't want to come back together, but Joey told them about Thanos. They want to help.

Chief mechanic: Sentient metal. I've always suspected something like that, but I am still surprised. Did the nearly reconstructed hammer let Joey pick it up?

D: No, he's not worthy. Vision still is, thankfully.

Chief mechanic: This is good because otherwise, I would probably have to ship my daughter off to Norway to see if she could lift it. Although she's a little bit more mischievous than her older brother. So we may have had ourselves a problem.

D: My niece can probably find out during spring break. We are currently escorting the hammer to Wakanda. The king mentions that his sister was planning to come back Saturday and will be bringing her friends.

Chief mechanic: That's fine. It would be spring break, and I would actually like to get them out of New York. I would send the high school kids to Malta with the little kids, but I'm already having trouble with our middle school kids. Ms. Marvel thinks that she can be useful and shouldn't be shipped off. I've also heard Connor doesn't want to leave. Lily bear, bless her heart, is reasonable and baby Nat is too little to know what the fuck is going on. I envy that child sometimes.

D: What about baby spider?

Chief mechanic: He knows better than to argue with May and is looking forward to quality beach time. I might be able to ship Flash off to the West Coast to work with Pepper, but he's not leaving Ninja spider. I definitely know I can't send him away. If they're staying, MJ is staying because they're all so stubborn. And I'm not even going to try with Afia.

D: You raise very stubborn kids, Stark.

Chief mechanic: You've met my co-parent. This should not surprise you.

D: And May PR is actually worse than Steve. Do you realize you have two co-parents?

Chief mechanic: Yes. Are you coming back, or are you taking an extended vacation?

D: I'm coming back after some meetings in Wakanda as part of my day job.

Chief mechanic: Of course, you have to take some meetings with various heads of state, Mr. Deputy Secretary Of State.

Chief mechanic: Do you know that in the other timeline, you're Vice President? That's like one of the few nice things going on there.

D: How did that happen?

Chief mechanic: Ross ended up president after the snap because everybody else in the line of succession got snapped. It was a bad few years until they were able to do elections again in 2022.

D: 2022?

Chief mechanic: Yes, they couldn't have elections in 2020. Things were still too messed up, or at least that's what Ross argued. The president that they already had before was setting the groundwork anyway for an authoritarian regime.

D: The one that Leo kept the Russian government from installing?

Chief mechanic: Yes. Anyway, your current boss Madeline Rice managed to beat him and made you her VP. After she switched parties, of course. Overthrowing democracy was a dealbreaker for her.

Chief mechanic: Apparently, you're just now starting to undo the damage and inhuman internment camps, but you've only been in office with Rice for seven months.

D: When did you have time to read through that? I haven't even had time to read anything that came from the other timeline, even though Ann sent me a pre-brief a few hours ago. I've managed to get through about a page of the highlights.

Chief mechanic: It's easier to read things when you're on standby to be interviewed by people you really don't like. Or during boring meetings. I just let snuggle bear do the talking. Your big boss was not impressed with Stevie Bear's tells of the confederacy or their warnings. He thinks it was just an attempt to extort resources.

Chief mechanic: Which, judging by notes from the other timeline, was exactly what they were doing, but they were not entirely lying about the purple one, just manipulating the situation for their own purposes. However, the big boss won't even let us set up a meeting with the SWORD people.

Chief mechanic: Actually, the POTUS is shocked I even know about SWORD at the moment. Per the notes, the current head might be the key to contacting the mysterious Carol.

Chief mechanic: She may also benefit from Wakanda's advancements in cancer research. Her successor from the bad timeline is a jackass. I think it would be best for the Wakanda government to make sure he never comes into power. Also, I need to talk to the lawyers about protecting the bodies of my children. That way, in the event of their untimely death, they won't become government science experiments. They are not sentient weapons, the fucking asshole.

D: Did you sleep last night? You can't be mad at somebody for something that happened in the other timeline.

Chief mechanic: For about three hours because Steve made me. Orgasms always make me sleepy.

Chief mechanic: Yes, I fucking can be angry about somebody trying to turn a dead Vision into a weapon no matter what timeline it happens in.

D: Take a nap. Also, I didn't want to know about your sex life when we shared an apartment at MIT. I don't want to know now.

Chief mechanic: I didn't have a sex life when we were at MIT. I was too young. Also, Sharon's mom scared everyone away because she was a very protective pseudo-cousin.

D: So you completely forgot about that time I found your giant purple dildo in the sink?

Chief mechanic: OK, I did not have a sex life at MIT that involved other people. That was a prototype, BTW. I was going to sleep on the flight back to the lighthouse as I snuggled against Stevie bear. However, I was an idiot and checked through my urgent emails first.

D: You could've had your deputy respond to me? Who is your deputy right now? McKenzie?

Chief mechanic: Agent Agent, but I think part of that decision was because Phil is on the East Coast. I left him behind in DC to get the president to get his head out of his ass. As well as try to get a meeting with Director Rambeau. It's good for him to have a distraction. Besides, as my BFF, I always try to return your messages myself.

D: You still haven't heard anything from Agent Johnson?

Chief mechanic: No. Going by what happened in the other timeline, she's either on some weird planet with Bruce bear or Asgard. I'm not sure which would be better.

D: You know where Bruce is?

Chief mechanic: He managed to accidentally go through a portal in space. He ended up getting captured and becoming a gladiator for about three years. Somehow Thor and his brother ended up there. The notes are really sketchy after that. I guess that goes on the list of things to ask about.

Ana Junior: It is already on the list. However, my main objective is to acquire the locations of all the stones in 2018.

D: There's a plan?

Chief mechanic: Of course, there's a plan.

Chief mechanic: Be ready to conference in at 2 PM eastern time. I don't think we're going to be able to do video or even voice. Actually, I'm not sure how that will go since we're conferencing with our alternate timeline counterparts. It should be fun.

Xxx

Avenger mission report of Agent Daisy Johnson; UN Avengers member

location: Grand Master's palace, on Sakaar (I finally know how to spell it)

Time: (I still don't understand the local calendar) 201 hours after arrival

It's been 201 hours since I first arrived here, and I'm back to wanting to smack Loki upside his damn head. He is sleeping with the grandmaster. I think it's stupid. He thinks it's the best way to survive. As well as our best shot of trying to find a way off of this planet. After 201 hours, I've concluded that these messages probably aren't making their way to earth, or they're taking weeks or months to get there. So I can't sit around waiting for Robbie to come to rescue us. We're going to have to save ourselves.

So far, I know that there are lots of portals surrounding Sakaar. I wonder if I can manipulate the portals with my powers? It's something I can ask Loki about when I'm speaking to him again.

I wonder how Simmons spent an entire summer on the planet of the Damned with just one other person for contact? I hate it here and want to go home. I really miss my girlfriend and my cousin.

To be continued

It's completely serendipitous that we get an update on Daisy and Loki the weekend before Loki begins.