Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed the last conversation. We are once again in the gamma timeline. We will switch back to the beta timeline in the next chapter, sort of. Now that we're actually going after the stones, all the exciting stuff is happening in the gamma line. Although I promise we'll get back to Tony and Steve being idiots eventually.
Conversation 52: How to work with your ex-wife when you're absolutely rubbish at it.
Late evening March 26, 2018, the gamma timeline
Mr. Leopold: It's missions like this that remind me why we got divorced in the first place. I'm glad she's going to be on the West Coast permanently.
Ana Junior: Because you fell in love with Leo?
Mr. Leopold: No, that's why we didn't get remarried. My other self really dodged a bullet with those ninjas. I feel like alcoholic Simmons would be an upgrade.
Mr. Leopold: Ana, could you delete that so my cuddle monkey doesn't see it before he gets back.
Ana Junior: That is not possible.
Mr. Leopold: In that case, cuddle monkey, just ignore me. I'm texting you so I don't stab the ex of a banshee with a salad fork. She did not need to talk smack about you working for SI even if it will ingratiate us with the Pyms.
Mr. Leopold: Although Hope likes us, so it isn't all pointless.
Mr. Leopold: I hope the Princess's tech works, and Robbie doesn't have to portal to rescue your ass.
Chief monkey lover: We just survived our first jump, and we're still intact. I'm also still getting communications from Earth. I do like your new code name.
Mr. Leopold: I thought you would. I picked it out mostly to annoy Bobbi.
Chief monkey lover: Sometimes it feels like you're 12. Please tell me you didn't actually tell Bobbi most of the stuff you just ranted about. Referring to her as a banshee doesn't actually help anything. Especially if you're 100% over her.
Mr. Leopold: I am 150% over her. I didn't tell her I would rather be with a depressed, still mourning you version of Simmons. Although, I did mention to Bobbi that my new and improved "fake" marriage is 1000 times better than the "real" one I had with her. And at least 50% more real because you don't lie to me.
Chief monkey lover: This is why Aifa or Laura usually go with you when you do fundraising for the foundation. You have no filter or people skills.
Mr. Leopold: That might have been about when Yo-Yo pointed out that it's not fake if we're actually sleeping together and completely in love with one another.
Chief monkey lover: Especially when I really don't exist, and all my documents are forgeries. Our marriage license is as real as anything else.
Mr. Leopold: You exist to me. I really hate that you're going to be so far away, and I'm stuck trying to convince Hope Pym to work with us for the sake of humanity. With Bobbi as my backup. We haven't actually worked together on a mission since you and I got together.
Chief monkey lover: Not Hope's father?
Mr. Leopold: That's Mack's problem. Pym really hates Stark and, by extension, SI. He doesn't exactly want to break bread with the husband of a guy working for the enemy. Or one of SI's new sciences.
Chief monkey lover: What did Tony do to him?
Mr. Leopold: Howard, not Tony. We're trying to point out we're not Howard Stark. However, Ava being in her current predicament due to Shield fuckery is not helping things. Especially since Tony is the new head of Shield. You read what happened the first time.
Chief monkey lover: Yes. Shield really screwed up, and we can't blame Hydra for everything. The organization was flawed from the beginning.
Mr. Leopold: Because it was always corrupt.
Chief monkey lover: Yes, honestly, this is why I am happier at SI. The ATCU is trying to improve, but I'm not sure if that's possible. Being more social work focused is a start. I'm not sure if it's enough.
Mr. Leopold: Yet you're technically on a mission right now. Fitzsimmons could have gone on the retrieval mission instead of masquerading as you for the next couple of days. I feel like there's a stronger chance he won't strangle the nephew or the other way around.
Chief monkey lover: Simmons is pregnant. I know this mission will go well, but if it doesn't, I don't want baby Fitzsimmons to grow up without a dad. He should stay on Earth.
Chief monkey lover: Deke is a mess because he lost his mother early. Let's avoid that.
Mr. Leopold: He lost your daughter at a young age. I feel like that's something we should talk about.
Chief monkey lover: Not mine, some variant of mine's child. I'm not going to have children. Besides, you don't want them, and I've accepted that. Therefore Deke is not my grandson.
Mr. Leopold: I specifically said I didn't want kids with Bobbi. I didn't say anything about you. So that's the real reason you're refusing to acknowledge your relationship with Deke? Not that you hate him?
Chief monkey lover: He took care of Simmons while I was gone, so I can't hate him. I think he hates me.
Mr. Leopold: I'm glad you're willing to acknowledge that.
Chief monkey lover: I let you call him my nephew. I didn't correct you earlier. But I'm not his grandfather.
Mr. Leopold: Okay, not his grandfather, but you could be a grandfather.
Chief monkey lover: You have to have a kid first to be a grandfather.
Mr. Leopold: We could have kids. They wouldn't be a baby Fitzsimmons, but they would be ours. You have excellent health insurance that covers surrogacy. Even if you didn't, we could afford it out of pocket. You have invested very wisely over the last year and a half. We also have half of the patent money. If you don't want to do that, there's always adoption. We could take in a special needs child. I don't think child welfare services hate us as much as they hated Tony. So, we probably wouldn't need Wanda's intervention, but that's an option too.
Chief monkey lover: By special needs, you mean an inhuman child?
Mr. Leopold: Yes. Many inhuman children have turned up in the system. We would actually be equipped to deal with a child that can turn themselves invisible when they're scared. If we can deal with the purple guy, we can deal with that.
Chief monkey lover: Maybe. I still don't know how Tony deals with the Spiders and Purple Princess. The times we babysat have been exhausting enough.
Mr. Leopold: May helps some. It's easier with two people, and we are two people.
Mr. Leopold: May Parker, not our May.
Chief monkey lover: You want to raise a kid with me, yet you don't want to acknowledge that we're married?
Mr. Leopold: Marriage is temporary. Children are forever. And I want forever with you.
Chief monkey lover: I'm going to need you to explain your logic.
Mr. Leopold: My first marriage fell apart spectacularly, multiple times. It wasn't because we didn't love each other enough because I loved Bobbi. A part of me still does because I cried when I found out she was dusted in the Beta timeline. One of my reasons for being here is to make sure we bring her back. As well as make sure we don't lose gamma Bobbi. I say silly shite about her, but I don't want her dead.
Chief monkey lover: I know.
Mr. Leopold: But Bobbi and I together does not work. Not long-term. Not like you and me. You can't build a relationship on lies. I didn't actually know who Bobbi was until after the wedding. Let's just say technically, I could've got an annulment instead of the divorce, but I didn't for her safety.
Chief monkey lover: You didn't know she was a Shield agent until after you got married? That doesn't seem right. I thought you said you knew.
Mr. Leopold: I knew that much, but I didn't know our entire first meeting was a mission. Our first hook-up was a mission. I feel like you would've told me the truth before you kissed me for the first time.
Chief monkey lover: Yes, because I'm horrible at undercover work. There would've been a 50-50 chance I threw up on you before the first kiss.
Mr. Leopold: Says the guy who's been living as James Leopold for a year and a half.
Chief monkey lover: Being at Stark industries is not undercover. It is a new identity. I am James Leopold. I'm not even sure if I can really be Leo Fitz again, even if there wasn't already one here. I feel too different, especially with all of the Doctor's memories in my mind. I've lived a different life. Two of them.
Mr. Leopold: And I know about all those lives. Our relationship isn't built on lies. I know things about you that no one else does.
Chief monkey lover: I'm sure Simmons knows most of it. And possibly Daisy. Actually, she knows a few things Simmons doesn't.
Mr. Leopold: Mostly about our sex life. Neither of them knows about the Doctor, though. At least not beyond the superficial. He's a part of you.
Chief monkey lover: The worst part.
Mr. Leopold: But he's not. He's the one who gets stuff done. He is the leader. The one who set in motion this entire plan to save the world.
Chief monkey lover: Which may or may not work.
Mr. Leopold: It will work. I have complete faith in you.
Chief monkey lover: Have you made any progress with the Pyms?
Mr. Leopold: Yes, with Junior, but I'm not sure because Bobbi just kicked me out. At least this makes it easier for me to text you.
Chief monkey lover: This is not shocking at all.
Mr. Leopold: The dinner probably would've gone better if she didn't call me a Stepford husband in a fake relationship. Thankfully she did that in the car, not in front of Hope and Scott.
Mr. Leopold: BTW, Sharon is doing a great job keeping the feds away from us.
Chief monkey lover: You call our marriage fake all the time.
Mr. Leopold: Our marriage, not our relationship. Our relationship is real. Our marriage is fake because we didn't even have a ceremony. Just that photoshoot.
Chief monkey lover: Because you didn't want one. I wanted one.
Mr. Leopold: Your dad showed up at your brother's wedding and shot you. So that turns a guy off of the wedding concept. But I wouldn't be against exchanging some vows once this apocalypse is over. Then we can move on to deciding between surrogacy and adoption.
Chief monkey lover: That just gives me more incentive to come back to you. Despite the fact, I'm worried about becoming Alistair.
Mr. Leopold: Impossible. We've babysat Miles enough for me to know better.
Chief monkey lover: Hey, we have another jump soon, so I need to help with that. We're taking the roundabout route in case we are being tracked. We haven't gotten an update from the other team about the purple man, so we are being cautious.
Mr. Leopold: That makes sense. Do you think you'll get a message after the next jump?
Chief monkey lover: Possibly, and then we will forward it to Earth. Keep me updated on your progress. If we get something on the soul planet, I will feel better if it's in the other timeline.
Mr. Leopold: We are working on it. I promise to keep you updated.
Chief monkey lover: Although maybe things will go better if you apologize to Bobbi.
Mr. Leopold: I'm not the one that needs to apologize.
Chief monkey lover: So, I just got a video from Yo-Yo. I now know why you got kicked out of dinner. I don't blame her because you were an absolute prat. I would've thrown the wine on you too.
Mr. Leopold: I'm willing to acknowledge inappropriate things were said on both sides. We shouldn't be in the same country, let alone working on the same mission.
Chief monkey lover: The potential loss of half the life in the universe is coming. We no longer have the luxury of keeping both of you separate. If I have to be on Zephyr 3 with Deke, who absolutely despises me for abandoning Simmons for the next who knows how many days, you can work through your Bobbi issues. Preferably without more wine being tossed at one another.
Mr. Leopold: I hate when you are logical. Fine, I will apologize to Bobbi, but you and Deke need to work on everything.
Chief monkey lover: You just had to turn that around on me?
Mr. Leopold: Someone has to. Love you. Don't die out there.
Chief monkey lover: I love you too. I won't. Don't die either.
Mr. Leopold: I'll try not to.
XXXX
"Hope is going to talk to her father," Bobbi said as she slid into the seat next to him. He's been waiting in the van for her for the last 20 minutes.
"Thank God."
"So we probably need to be prepared to do the rescue tomorrow."
"The Princess will be ready," Hunter replied. "It's what we're here for. We were planning to do that with or without full cooperation."
"Yes, but now Yo-Yo doesn't have to steal the particles first."
"That's true." Hunter was glad they would not have to do that because he was sure it would backfire spectacularly.
"Did you get ahold of your boyfriend?" Bobbi asked.
"Actually, yes. The first jump was successful. Also, Deke is still alive, so at least they still have the info they need to complete the mission."
"Good. We were all worried about that." Bobbi remarked.
"I'm well aware I have a better relationship with my step-grandson than my husband." Hunter side. "I feel like Deke is more likely to punch out Leo than the other way around. Mistakes were made on both sides. However, it's May we usually have to worry about."
"You finally acknowledge that you're married to Leo." He looked over to see Bobbi smile.
"Do you want me to acknowledge it? It seems like you've been angry at me for moving on. You said my relationship was fake barely half an hour ago." Hunter tried very hard to keep the anger out of his voice, but it was impossible.
"I shouldn't have said that. I'm not angry you're with someone else. I just prefer not to be around you. At least until I can fully accept that it's truly over. Apparently, we were still together in the Beta timeline when the snap happened." At this moment, Hunter is really happy Bobbi knows nothing about his variant's relationship with Beta timeline Simmons. That would make things even more awkward. All of that was omitted from the reports she had access to; thank you, Friday 2023.
"I don't necessarily think that was for the best. Maybe it's all the quality time with Dr. Margarita, but I don't think the back and forth hate sex was good for either of us. I want you to be happy, and I don't think I ever made you happy." Hunter confessed reluctantly.
"Sometimes you did."
"But not like you needed me too. You deserve better." Hunter acknowledged.
"So do you. I think I eventually realized I wasn't who you needed, so I left." Bobbi told him.
"So it wasn't you leaving because you no longer believed in the mission?" Hunter asked.
"I always believed in the mission. However, the mission is now making sure we bring my other self back so beta timeline Bobbi can have a happy ending."
"So I should let you know that my counterpart is dating Simmons in the other timeline." Why did he just blurt that out?
"I am not even surprised. Poly relationship after we bring everyone back?" Bobbi smirked again.
"I am hopeful, but I suck at relationships. So who knows."
"I feel like you're getting better."
"If we successfully survive this, Leo and I plan to renew our vows. Hopefully, there will be no ninjas or terrorist groups attacking."
"I don't think it counts as a renewal if you never made it down the aisle in the first place."
"True."
"Am I invited?"
"Only if you want to be there. Although I promise to put you at the good table."
"Good, I'll be there."
"I'm sorry for being a wanker earlier."
"Your husband made you apologize?" Bobbi asked.
"Yes."
"This is why I like him."
To be continued…
Writing note: I swear I wrote this way back in December 2021. But it definitely reads differently after watching Multiverse of Madness. The similar relationship story beats are purely coincidental. I really did enjoy the movie but remember we're in our own timeline now.