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Wednesday 1/31/90
Dear Harry
Don't worry about me being offended at you not knowing we don't celebrate Christmas, I wasn't. it's not a religious thing and even if it was you couldn't be expected to know something I hadn't told you.
It's not that I don't believe in Christmas and I would like to celebrate it if it didn't trigger Mom's bad days more often than not, you didn't offend me, my parents are nominally Christian and I was Christened in the Uniting church, though neither of them have ever been churchgoers or particularly religious, to my knowledge. Personally, I find myself highly sceptical of the existence of a beneficent God, and the creation story doesn't sit right with my scientific knowledge either so I'd describe myself as more of an agnostic or atheist, than Christian. That being said Christmas has become more of a secular holiday than a religious one for many people anyway and we used to celebrate before my Dad left, but since then it upsets Mom too much, and when she's upset her paranoid delusions get worse. She isn't often capable of shopping for anything other than food, not even always that, so expecting her to purchase gifts for me and all the rest of the family for a specific date is stupid, and I wouldn't know what to get them so I can't help. Then when she's ill, having unusual things in the house like the Christmas decorations frighten her and make her feel spied upon so it's better just to ignore the whole thing as much as possible. I do miss it, but it's not worth making Mom ill and it's better not to dwell on it. We had a nice two weeks together and when all is said and done Christmas is supposed to be about families being together, even if we are just a family of two now.
They did Christmassy things when I was at elementary school just as you do but now that I've been moved up the classes I'm in are too busy studying for mid-term exams to do anything and only a few of the teachers make any attempt to decorate their classrooms. Of course, any form of religious decorations or cheap lights that might be a fire hazard are strictly forbidden but there are a few sad and scrawny looking bits of tinsel about, and one new teacher went all out decorating his classroom like a gingerbread house but some kids got in and graffitied all over his brown paper walls. It was a pity, he probably wont bother next year either.
Dad didn't call or send a Christmas card this year either. I had hoped he would at least send something to let us know he was okay and how he was getting on. I do wish I knew that he was all right. Mom might have heard from him and just not told me but I can't ask her, it would upset her too much. It would also be nice if he sent the child support payments he would have to pay if Mom was well enough to go to court to get a divorce but I guess I should just be grateful that he's obviously still making the mortgage payments on the house since we haven't been kicked out yet. The bank must have a new address for him too, because the statements no longer come to the house, but they wouldn't tell me what it was.
I did laugh to myself about your early midnight Christmas feast, I'm glad you got to enjoy some of the food you worked so hard to prepare, and it serves the greedy pair right to be in trouble with Petunia for a change. Especially since I'm sure you get blamed and punished for things they've done all the time. But if I were Petunia I wouldn't have made more for them. I would have told them that they'd had their share of the Christmas treats and locked the rest away for guests and made them go without.
As for things to read, I could recommend thousands of books I've loved. If you like fantasy with a bit of whimsical craziness you should read 'Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass'. I know it sounds like it would be a bit girly but it really isn't except for the very start, though the main heroine is a girl. For books that aren't based in fantasy you might try 'Treasure Island' by Robert Louis Stevenson, 'Adventures of Huckleberry Finn' by Mark Twain, though you might like his other story 'The Adventures of Tom Sawyer' better, it's probably written more for someone your age. 'The Outsiders' by S. E. Hinton, and 'Robin Hood' I mean the original story by Roger Lancelyn Green, are also great reads.
I don't know if I want to study astrophysics at college. It interests me now as something new I haven't researched into before, mostly the mathematical side of things but a large part of me thinks I want to study chemistry and pharmacology to try to work on a cure for schizophrenia, or if not a cure then at least a more effective medication to treat it. I know I don't want to study medicine and become a doctor, but medical research would be interesting.
Sending me something to help the hideout feel more at home is a great idea! But don't worry, I'm not asking you to send anything extra I'm just going to start keeping your letters there, and to go to the hideout to read your new letters and write to you. Hopefully that will help me feel closer to you there and less like I'm missing something important when I'm there. I'm a little nervous about leaving your letters there, they are precious to me even though I can remember every word you've written but they're just as likely to be safe there as they would at home or in my school bag or locker.
Your friend
Spencer
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed followed or favourited this story for your support.