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Monday 19/2/90
Dear Spencer
Thanks for the book recommendations, I've just finished Treasure Island and it was terrific. I've also read 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' last week and I really liked it. Have you read it or seen the movie? I overheard bits of it when Dudley was watching it on the Telly a few weeks ago. Vernon wasn't home to object, but I'm not sure why Petunia let him watch that, it starts out normal enough but the factory is anything but a normal factory. The Oompa Loompas ought to have freaked her right out. I loved the book but wish I could have seen the movie, it's an old one though, I heard Dudley complaining about the poor-quality special effects. Of course, the movie is a musical of some sort though not like the ones Petunia normally likes to watch. Maybe she's trying to get Dudley to be more interested in the things she's interested in. You and your mum seem to do a lot of things together in spite of her illness but the only time Dudley spends with Petunia without whining is when he's eating or she's buying him gifts.
I understand you wanting to work to find a cure for your mum, but is spending all your time in a laboratory, away from people what you want to do? And restricting yourself to such a small thing to study instead of everything you're interested in? Or do you just think you should want to study that because you want your mum to be cured so badly? I know your mum would want you to learn things that interest you and make you happy. And it would be very frustrating to work on a cure for schizophrenia when it is so important to you to succeed, and you might not. Schizophrenia has been around for a long time and they haven't found anything that works all of the time yet, and I know you wouldn't be satisfied with a medication that works just a little bit better, or a cure that works for some people and not others. Especially if it didn't work for your mum.
I've been continuing to work with my power to make things happen in the hope that I can learn to stop it happening by itself. I'm not sure how successful I am at stopping it from just happening but I am beginning to be able to make it happen on command, though sometimes it takes a while. So far I've been able to lock and unlock any door, even Vernon's car the other day I tried. I can jerk things loose from high branches when Dudley has thrown my things up into the tree. I can make light and warmth on command when I'm in bed and too cold to sleep. I can't make food that tastes like food but I'm a bit afraid of eating food that's come from nowhere any way so maybe I just haven't tried as hard as I could, nothing else lasts more than a few hours, what if the food disappears later once it's digested and being used to do things in my body? I read about what it's used for in the library and I'd be in trouble if small bits of me started disappearing leaving holes in my veins and arteries or my organs. I can repair a ripped piece of paper or a hole in one of my T-shirts and the hole doesn't come back but sometimes the colour doesn't seem quite right where it was repaired. I can just about repair a broken bottle, it holds water without leaking half the time but you can still see where the breaks used to be. I'm trying to repair my shoes so they keep the water out and my glasses where Dudley broke the arm off because the tape holds the arm on too loosely and they keep sliding down my face. Neither of these things seem to be working yet but I'm not discouraged.
Is keeping my letters in the Hide out helping you feel safe and happy there again? I hope so. I hate to think that because you gave me a safe place for a couple of weeks you kind of lost your safe place.
You weren't missing anything not doing Christmas stuff at school. Most of the stuff we made was pretty lame, or maybe I just feel like that because I don't have anyone to gush over it and hang it on the Christmas tree no matter how ugly it is. Letters to Santa when the teacher has to know that at least half of us don't believe in him already and we don't need an excuse to practice our letters. I think sometimes our teacher thinks we're still five-year-olds. And we made door wreaths out of garbage bags. It's just as well Dudley never finished his because I can see Vernon and Petunia frowning at it every time they opened the front door. The gingerbread house sounded cool though your classmates are probably a bit old for it.
You didn't tell me about what you're reading.
Your Friend
Harry
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