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Harry read through Spencer's letter and then his own letter that Spencer had sent back to him, trembling with fear. Vernon had nearly killed him and someone had wiped his memories of the attack and sent him back to the Dursleys for it to happen again. Worse his magic was weak and wouldn't help him again next time, he would probably die.
'I have to leave, get away,' he thought panicked. But then he remembered Spencer's warning, whoever did this might be watching him, and if he tried to run away he might be made to forget again, and then would Spencer know he'd forgotten and tell him again, or would he perhaps think it might be safer for Harry not to know. Worse what if the person watching made him forget the restaurant and the letters from Spencer entirely. Spencer would keep writing and the staff would keep the letters for him but if he didn't remember them he wouldn't come to get them and the staff wouldn't know where to look for him if they tried they might be made to forget him too. Or worse what if whoever did this found out about Spencer and wiped away all his memories of Harry, would that even work with a memory like Spencer's, or would it harm him.
He tried to concentrate to see what was going on with his magic now he was away from the house but he was still panicking too much to feel it, which made him panic even more. What if they'd dome something not to the house this time but to him to permanently weaken his power.
After half an hour the staff remembered Harry and came to see if he was okay, since he'd already told them about being ill the other week and he still wasn't looking well. He hid the letters in his pocket, assured them that he was fine and made a valiant attempt to eat the meal they provided him in spite of the fear churning in his stomach.
He left and stopped at the town library and locked himself in the loo there to write his letter, putting it in the letterbox on his way home. Once he was home he dropped off his things in his cupboard, hiding the recent letter from Spencer and wondering if all this has truly been necessary. He hadn't seen anybody watching him and even that night they hadn't tried to stop him from sending that letter to Spencer.
Friday 9/11/90
Dear Spencer
No! I don't remember being hurt or leaving the Dursleys or writing that letter other than vaguely as if I'd dreamt it. Even reading it, it doesn't seem like I could have written it though it is clearly my handwriting and I know you would never play such a horrible prank on anybody let alone me. I have no idea if I made it to the police station or if I was stopped along the road, my dream was about getting out of the house, not what I did afterwards. I do know that I missed the last few days of school and at least half the midterm break, though I don't really have any clear memories of the week I was sick, I was told that I'd been ill and just assumed I slept most of the week. I don't have any bruises or scars that would match the injuries I described to you and I should at least have a scar where my rib came through the skin if nothing else. There's nothing there. No tenderness on the back of my head and my knee is working perfectly again too and it matches the other one, there's no evidence that I was injured at all. Just like when I healed the burns on your back.
I didn't even remember subconsciously that I wasn't safe here, in fact, until I got your last letter asking all those questions that made me think that I'd forgotten something important, I felt safer here than I had in a long time. Whether that's because Vernon has been calmer since my return or whether those feelings have been magically influenced I don't know. In my dreams it wasn't Vernon or Dudley who attacked me, it was a monster I met out on the street after I ran away. A real monster, not a man at all. Someone clearly wants me to be afraid of either being outside at night or of running away from the Dursleys.
Spencer I'm scared! Not of the monster of my dreams, I know it wasn't real. Or at least I don't think it was. Who would take away my memories and put me back at the Dursleys? And why? Do they want the Dursleys to kill me? Thank goodness I wrote to you and posted it before I got caught and sent back.
The Dursleys don't seem to remember what happened either but they have been leaving me alone again. Even Dudley isn't trying to hurt me unless his friend Piers is there egging him on. It's as if whoever put me back here and made me forget leaving also made them back off a bit. Perhaps they don't want the Dursleys to kill me but why do they want to keep me here with these abusive idiots. Don't I deserve to have a proper home? Do you think that they want me to stay here with the Dursleys because whatever I have that makes things happen is weaker when I'm inside their house? Or have they done something to this house to make my power weaker while I'm here? That seems to be a better reason why I'm weaker here now than ever before. And if someone has done it deliberately why make me weaker. Is it to avoid attention so I don't blow something big up and end up on the news, or to make the Dursleys more comfortable having me around since they've never liked when I did my 'freaky stuff'. Or does this person mean me harm. Do they want to keep me weak so I cant leave and look after myself?
I did try to feel the feeling of my powers increasing when I was away from the house and it doesn't happen anymore while I'm at school or the park near Privet Drive but it does still start growing if I spend enough time at the town library or the restaurant or anywhere else outside of the neighbourhood of Privet Drive and the school. You're right that someone has done this to me deliberately. It kind of makes sense that they must have realised that I used my powers to get out of the cupboard and are trying to make sure I can't get out again, but are they also trying to stop me from being able to protect myself or heal myself so next time I get beaten that badly I will die.
Spencer, do you think that this could've happened before? That I could've tried to leave the Dursleys before this or that someone else did go to the police about me being hurt in the past and we were all made to forget? Maybe that is why there's something in the house to limit my powers because I've used them to run away before and they don't want me to think I can leave and look after myself. Also, if someone is messing with other people's memories then perhaps my teachers or the school nurse, or even Mrs Figg or the neighbours have tried to help me in the past. Is it possible that they don't dislike and distrust me because of the Dursleys but because someone mucked around with their memories too?
I really want to know how the person who did this found out that I was leaving. Am I being watched? I haven't noticed anyone watching but if they can make me forget leaving that night then perhaps I have noticed them and they took away those memories too.
Part of me wants to run away again. Not to go to the police but just to leave, try to make my way to you in California. To see if I can get away if I don't ask anyone for help. I wonder if I actually got to the police station that night or whether they found me first? And if I did get to the police station did they wipe their memories too or did the police just hand me over to someone claiming to be my guardian. Did they see me leave? Did they stop me because I was out late at night or because I was limping and injured? I want to know how they caught me.
There's also something else strange about the Dursleys' house. When I'm there I feel like I'm safe there, which we both know I'm probably not, and I don't think about running away or wanting to leave, and when I'm at school all I want is to go back to the Dursleys but at the library or at the restaurant running away is nearly on my mind all the time. It's a struggle to go out the other gate to get to the restaurant, every time now. I'm not even sure I could pack up my things and take them with me. I wish we had lockers that locked at school or better yet at the library. Then I could at least try to move the things I want there. I'm sure the restaurant would give me a corner in their storeroom to keep a bag.
If I simply packed the stuff I want to keep in my school bag and left from the school. I could go in one gate and out the other and catch a train to London. The problem is that I can plan to do this while I'm at the public library but once I get back to the Dursleys to pack I won't want to. I'll probably need to decide to leave from the restaurant or the library so I can leave without wanting to go back to the Dursleys. If I go I'll send you notes along the way as often as I can, so you can tell me about it if they make me forget again. I want to leave but if they're capable of all this then maybe they're capable of something that makes them able to find me no matter where I go and things might be even worse if that happens.
Your friend
Harry
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed followed or favourited this story for your support.