Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

Who's That Father?

Viva La Raza

(Then: Beelzehaven, Rave Town Warehouses)

A group of adolescent pups of various ages and clad in bright blue colors stared at the remains of the warehouse their Pack claimed as territory. When the young swift runner had told them their stash house was on fire, the entire Pack ran to check it out. Emergency Services didn't venture this far into Pack territory, but that wasn't to say there wasn't someone here. Three fully grown Hellhounds and two Imps, all armed to the teeth, gathered around a nondescript black sedan that was between them and the ruined stash.

"Yo, who the fuck are you clowns supposed to be?!" Current Pack Alpha, Tanner Hyde, snarled. "Bunch o' bitch ass Mutts couldn't grow out of Pack life? You tryin' t' start some shit?! Cuz you done did it, fuckers!"

The grown weird-looking giant fox-like Hellhound pushed off of the sedan he leaned on, his paws tucked into the fatigued pants he wore. His posture screamed confidence and control, something that made the wild Hellpups instinctively clam up to listen. He opened two frosty blue eyes and stepped forward until he was a stone's throw away from the Alpha.

"There was a territory raid on the Drifty Dregs off 23rd Street a few months back," he said. His voice sent chills down the spines of the Pack's youngest. A few tails curled between legs and others felt hackles rise. "During that raid, a Trusted was...Rex, what's the Pup-friendly word I'm looking for?"

"The fuck makes you think I know that?" The shorter white Hellhound with cobalt fur-paint, Rex, asked with a snort as he continued to clean a rifle's sights.

"The P.C. Term that gets thrown around sometimes is 'Sexually Assaulted', Boss!" One of the Imps, the thinner of the two, offered. The other Imp smacked him upside the head. Maybe he wasn't supposed to speak?

"Thank you, Panik." The fox-freak, the Boss, said without taking his eyes off of Tanner's. The Boss took a breath. "Sexual Assault, for you new bloods, is not allowed in Pack on Pack violence. Keep doing shit like that, and older Hounds get all offended–"

"S'what happened to you then?" One of the Beta males snapped. "Ya get all offended when you found some little bitch spreading some lies? Get yer testies in a twist?"

"I wasn't exactly pleased to hear about it, no." The weird adult glared at the Beta. "I just want the names of the participants of the raid. If anyone that did or saw anything is here, step forward and we'll handle this right now."

"Who the fuck are you to tell us what to fuckin' do?!" The same Beta snarled. The Hellhound worked his jaw and looked at the Beta.

"Are you the Alpha?"

"The fuck he is! Shut yer fuckin' trap and mind your placement, David!" Tanner snarled at the Beta and stepped forward. "I am the Eastbrook Eaters' Alpha! And I want recompense for this shit!"

"No recompense." The adult shook his head. He pulled his paws out and revealed blue electric tape was wrapped around his paws. Tanner blanched; that was a Pack display. Moreover, that was his Pack's display. That was a signal that what happened next was going to leave a message, act as a warning, and that there wouldn't be a second chance of forgiveness. "You guys broke the Rules. All your protections from grown Hounds and recompense for our skirmishes or parties? Gone."

"Wh-who...Who the fuck are you?" Tanner asked, catching his voice crack mid-snarl. The former Eater tilted his head.

"It's only been about seven years since I last ran with the Eaters. Pack memory isn't that bad is it?" He asked. Tanner bared his fangs and the adult chuckled. There wasn't a lick of genuine warmth to it. "Alright, well, when I ran with this pack, others called me the Blue-Eyed Beast."

"Blue-eyed–? Oh..fuck, you're Uzumaki." Tanner whispered and the pups behind him began to murmur. The Hellhound in front of them had gotten the Eaters a lot of Street Cred just by his accomplishments alone. Tanner's ears flinched back for a second before he stood his ground and snarled. "You're old, Uzumaki, old and in over your head! So the fuck what if a Rule was broken? No one's come forward about it yet. I'll fuckin' deal with it if it happens. That's Pack Law."

"Is that right?" Uzumaki's namesake narrowed. "Funny, I seem to recall saying that you don't have protections anymore. Did I imagine that, Rex?"

"No, sir." Rex drawled. He set the scope he was cleaning back into place on a rifle and then cradled the weapon. Tanner swallowed as he took inventory of the small group in front of him. Unarmed, yeah, his Pack might overwhelm by numbers alone. But...Fuck, they were all armed. Uzumaki had two pistols, Rex had a piece on his hip along with the rifle, the Imps had knives and guns out, and the last Hound, the biggest one, had what looked like a LMG strapped to him, and was calmly loading shells into a shotgun.

"Yeah, I didn't think I did." Uzumaki unsnapped one of his holsters. Tanner and his Pack suddenly became acutely attentive of the two sidearms he had. "Kodiak? Rex? If any of them move without my say so...Well, make 'em stop."

""Yes, sir."" The two Hellhounds stood and readied their weapons. An AR and a shotgun were aimed, professionally, at Tanner's Pack. The Eaters' youngest whined and Tanner subtly signaled for them to be moved to the sides so they could make a break for it. Uzumaki kept a hand on his unlatched sidearm, ready to draw, and walked forward.

Tanner fought back a whine and whimper, fought back any sense of subservience, as the taller, stronger, deadlier Hellhound stepped up and towered over the fourteen-year-old adolescent. He looked down at Tanner and curled his lip.

"Now, I'm going to ask just one more time, and you're not gonna give me any fuckin' lip." The sidearm was drawn and Uzumaki grabbed Tanner's shirt. The Pack Alpha yelped as the piece was jammed into his jaw. Frigid blue-eyes stared into Tanner's wide red. A burst of palpable, cold fury overpowered his desire to fight back, to show his might, to prove himself as Alpha and the instincts of a youth fully took over. "So, tell me, Alpha, which of your little fuckers disrespected my Pack – disrespected my name that you fuckin' use to get goods – and broke. The. Rules?"

"...I-I don't–!" Tanner yelped and flinched when he was lifted up. That on its own was bad for his reign as Alpha. Worse than that, his ears went flat, his tail curled, and his legs hunched up. He fought back the whimper, but a whine slipped out. He closed his eyes. "I don't know! Just leave me alone!"

"...You're not a stray." Tanner cracked an eye open. How did he–? Uzumaki's lips curled back as he was brought in close to get a snarl in the face. "That almost excuses your fucking ignorance!"

"Let us go–!" The Beta, David, pulled a knife from his pocket.

"Rex, drop him."

Bang!

While they all cringed from the noise, David's body dropped. The hole where his right eye used to be painted the ground red with Hellborn blood. The Pack Pups whimpered and whined, a few sobbed and howled. Tanner whimpered and whined. Uzumaki set Tanner on the ground, but kept hold of his shirt.

"Sit and Stay!" he snarled. Tanner nodded, remaining on the ground on his ass. Confident he wouldn't move, Uzumaki released his shirt and then looked across the rest of the Pack with his cold, furious gaze. "Would anyone else like to fight for his place?" Silence. Utter, terrified, obedient silence was the answer. The older hound narrowed his eyes. "That's what I thought. Now...Who the fuck participated in the territory raid?"

(Now: Beelzehaven, Central Pup Park)

Of the many things Loona half-expected to find at a "Pup Park", a series of cages for Hellpups to roughhouse in weren't among them. The air was filled with delighted yips, barks, howls and screams as the few parents present roughed around with their pups. While Naruto took the Squirt to buy them some passes, she watched the families play with the oh-so familiar pang of Envy. She would have killed for a chance to do something like this as a Puppy. Shit, she might've even done it with Blitzø if he ever offered the chance, but he barely knew what she needed when he took her in and yeah he showered her with weird fucking affection and gifts that she still didn't fully trust but...Point is, Loona was jealous of the puppies playing. But life in Hell sucks, so she just had to get over it.

Case in point, she was standing around minding her business when some fucking pervert had the stones to tug at her tail. She rounded with a snarl and found a patchworked puppy, with big brown splotches of fur spread around his white coat, staring up at her with big pale blue eyes and the edge of her tail in his paws. She growled down at the puppy and tugged her tail out of his grip. Ow, that's a few hairs she'll never see again and, oh no, no, shit, fuck, don't cry!

It cried.

Shit. Loona picked the brat up under his arms as he howled. She looked around nervously before the stress of the situation got to her.

"Fuck–! Who's fuckin runt is this?!" She snapped as her eyes darted around. She was not getting saddled with a stray! Not while she mi–Don't even entertain that thought, Loona. It was just some quack doctor who doesn't know anything.

"Virgil!" A periwinkle-coated husky wearing the Park Operator's olive green polo and tan khakis, ran over. She was easily a few years Loona's junior, at least on the cusp of true adulthood, and took the brat from Loona's hands. She cradled the puppy and bounced him to quiet him a bit, before apologetic pale red eyes met the older She-Hound's. "I'm so, so sorry. I turned my back to sign him into the care center and he slipped out of his leash. Ever since he's been mobile he's been a menace to everyone, and I just don't know why–"

"It's fuckin' whatever. Just, y'know, keep a better fuckin eye on your brother." Loona grumbled as she crossed her arms.

"He's not my–Wait." The teenage She-Hound shifted the puppy to her hip and pulled a Hellphone out. A minute passed and she gaped at Loona. "Y-You're...you're 'Miss Lucky'!"

"I'm miss who?" Loona scowled. The fuck kind of name was that supposed to be? The She-Hound turned her phone around to show off her Sinstagram. On it was a picture of Loona and Naruto when they were dancing at the Bee-Lzebub party last night, and she had to fight back her smile at the memory. The brief start-stop of a tail wag was allowed. She pushed back the warm feelings toward her boyfriend that the memory brought up and looked at the teenager again. "Okay, and?"

"You're Uzumaki's girlfriend!"

"I am. Wait a fucking minute–!" Loona smirked and then scowled as she pulled her phone out to check her Sinstagram again. "Lazy fuckers, no one tagged me in this shit? Seriously? The whole fucking point– Dizzy, the shit, you lazy bitch? We just friended each other last night!"

"Oh, uh, you didn't know–? Hey, Uzumaki!" The teenager's elated grin and wagging tail had Loona growl a warning at her. The teen flinched back and her puppy whimpered. Well, shit, stupid instincts– A big brown paw rested around Loona's shoulders and she was tugged into a familiar toned chest.

"Ease up, Loo. Don't get us kicked out by starting a fight after I dropped a buck-twenty on our day-cation." Naruto rubbed her shoulder and nuzzled her cheek with his muzzle. She grunted and huffed, but nuzzled back and let her tension melt away. Mm, warm boyfriend loving always felt so good. Wait, hold on, didn't he have the Squirt with him?

"Big Sis Maureen!"

The teen in question, Maureen presumably, caught the missile that was an elated Himawari with ease, as if practiced, and settled her on her free hip. Maureen grinned and nuzzled her cheek against the lavender-coated puppy's.

"Hey, Lil Sis! How's your arm? You feelin' better?" She asked before she shifted the other pup in her arms to look at the Squirt. "Look Bug, it's Wari!"

"Waawi!" The smaller puppy squealed and the two young Hellborn devolved into yips, whines and high-pitched barks. Loona watched the absolutely adorable interaction happen with wide eyes. Slowly, she craned her head up to scrutinize her boyfriend, who supervised the interaction with an almost unnatural calm gaze.

"...Lil Sis?"

"It's a terrible joke at my expense." Naruto deadpanned. He gave the back of her shoulder a scratch and smirked at her. "I'd have to have been like five or something for her to be my firstborn."

Well, that's a fucking relief like no other. Loona wasn't sure how she'd feel if there was another pup she'd have to win over.

"Talk about gross–Okay, one of you needs to take one of them before I topple over." Maureen groaned as the two excited puppies kept gesturing wildly at each other in their Hellpup squawks and the smaller she-hound started to teeter. Naruto stepped up and snagged the fugly boy puppy out of her arm. He growled a demand for attention at the little terror, who was clearly challenged on some level, because all the brat – Virgil, right? Weird name; but then so was Maureen, so clearly their parents had issues – did was squeal as his little ratty brown tail wagged.

"Verge. Behave!" Naruto clacked his teeth in the pup's face and smirked when the pup's yips quieted. "Good boy." He set the toddler pup on his hip and pushed a claw into his bright pink nose that made his pale eyes cross. "How're you doing, Cowpie?"

"Stop calling him that." Maureen groaned while Squirt giggled. Naruto gave her a flat stare,

"Stop calling my Pickle your 'Lil Sis' and I'll consider it."

"But she is my Lil Sis!" Maureen cooed as she and Squirt nuzzled heads. "My little sister from another mister! Right, Wari?"

"Yep-yep! Maureen is my Big Sis, Daddy!"

"Pickle!" The father's protested snap was expertly ignored. He huffed and looked at the puppy on his hip, who'd started to nip and bite at the claws teasing him. "If you start calling me 'Dad', we're done professionally."

"Three out of ten." Loona muttered around her smirk. He scowled at her, then at the giggling girls, and glared up at the sky.

"Dammit, I am never living that stupid day down." Naruto grumbled as he let Virgil gnaw on his paw. He growled at the girls. "Maureen, are you on shift today?"

"Hm? Oh, fuuudge! Yes, shit, I do! Thanks for the reminder, Uzumaki. Trade ya?" The younger She-Hound held Himawari out. Once Naruto pried his paw out of Virgil's partially gummy mouth, they managed to swap Pups. The teen grinned at him. "You're hanging around today, right? I'll text you when I get my lunch break. And if you could–?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll cover it. Go drop the little Cowpie off." Naruto rolled his eyes and turned to leave. Loona followed suit without bothering to wave – she didn't know them so who cared? – and Squirt turned to look back over Naruto's shoulder.

"Bye, Big Sis! Bye Virgie!" She called before she looked at Loona. "We're gonna have so much fun today, Miss Loona! Pup Park is the best!"

"Really? I dunno, Squirt." Loona smirked and reached up to tweak the pup's nose to get a giggle of protest. "Last time you called something 'the best', I got sick to my stomach."

"Just because you ate the Bee-scream and got sick for overindulging doesn't exactly mean she was wrong, y'know."

"Whose side are you on?" Loona asked her boyfriend with a scowl. He opened his muzzle, paused, and mockingly stroked his chin as he pretended to think about it. She reached back and pinched him for the gag while his traitorous passenger giggled at her father's yelp. Vengeance obtained and honor restored, Loona pulled her phone back out to start DM-ing her new 'friend' and ask why the fuck they didn't tag her in the pictures.

"That was uncalled for," Naruto grumbled at her. Loona looked up from her typing at him and smirked again. His response was a low growl that sent streams of fire throughout her body. "Alright, that settles it, we're going to the Space Chase first."

"Whatever." Loona drawled. "So, who were those two anyway?"

"Family friends."

"Not gonna elaborate?" Her eyes narrowed just slightly.

"Daddy's bad at telling the story." Squirt chirped in before her father could attempt to say anything. "Big Sis tells it better."

"What do you mean I'm bad at telling the story?! She wasn't even there for most of it! You've learned nothing!" Naruto protested as he growled into his puppy's neck and started to tickle and scratch her sides again.

As the puppy started to squeal and giggle again, Loona sighed. She reluctantly accepted the question being dropped for now. If she had to square off against a younger She-Hound with a mad crush, that was going to be on Naruto's head. And she'd demand recompense, likely in a sexual manner.

What? Her boyfriend was hot and she's only gotten to sleep with him twice – she didn't remember much of last night, so that didn't fucking count – in the week they'd been together. That was a fucking eternity by Hellborn standards!

(Pride, Immediate Murder Professionals Main Office)

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon–Millie are you sure this fucking app is installed?!" Blitzø asked as he paced his office and stared at a loading screen on his phone. It flickered between sixty-seven and sixty-eight percent for about five minutes now. The other Imp in the room, laying back on the couch, tossed her knife up and let it fall into a deep hole right beside her head in the arm of the couch.

"Sure as I am that you pacin like a horny hog that smells fertile sow is fuckin' with its load time." She drawled. Millie rolled onto her side to stare at Blitzø. "I don't get it, you let Loona take off all the fuckin' time, what's so different now?"

"The difference, Mills, is that this time that fucking jacked beef-head with the brat was the fuckin' one that called for her!" Blitzø snapped as he slammed his phone on his desk. He immediately lifted it back up and grinned at the sixty-nine that flashed there. "Ha! Nice!"

"Alright, so some stupid rich Hellhound told you she wasn't feelin' good after a night out. This is a problem, because..?"

"It's a fucking problem because he didn't fucking bring her the fuck home! To me! So that I could take care of her!" Blitzø growled as he pushed his hands to his chest. "She's my daughter, Mills! Wouldn't you get upset if Moxxie got sick somewhere and the fucktard that punted you through a Say-Tan told you about it?"

"I mean, yeah, but that's not the same–"

"Exactly! He's probably molesting her or mounting her or some other kind of twisted doggy shit those Glutton-Hounds do!" Blitzø threw his hands up. "Who knows what kind of fucked-up, food related sexual deviancy he could be assaulting her frail state with?!"

"'Frail'?" Millie crossed her arms as she sat up "We are talkin' about the same Hellhound, right?"

"The point is until I can verify that she's safe and not being introduced to some twisted Vore kink, I won't be happy!" Blitzø snapped before he rubbed his chin. "Although, if he does get her into Vore, I do have that coupon for the Voracious Volcanos Family Vacation in Envy...really specific requirements to use it though..."

Before Millie could think to ask him to expand on that last statement, the Head Bastard In Charge's phone dinged. Coincidentally, at that moment, Millie's Hellphone also dinged.

"Fucking, finally!" Blitzø looked at the coordinates on his phone and hummed. He snarled and dropped his fist onto his desk. "I knew it–! Ow. Shit, forgot about that sliver of wood. Ahem, that smug prick's holding her hostage! They're smack dab in the middle of Beelzehaven, you gotta get Moxxie and the goods loaded into the van while I make a recovery operation file so we can write this off as a business expense...I'll just bill it to Stolas, he won't mind."

"Or..." Millie drawled as she smirked at her phone. "We don't interrupt them enjoying a day off."

"What the fuck do you-?" Blitzø looked at his phone when it dinged again. A new post made by Loona on Sinstagram. He blinked and opened it. Immediately, his black heart melted as a video depicting the she-hound in question chasing on all fours after a familiar lavender puppy in what looked like a padded, space-themed room. "Aww! Look at Loony's happy smile!"

"Loona smiles? All I can see is her toothy snarl. Wait, who's filming this?" Millie asked. It was a fair question, one Blitzø didn't really want to answer. And thankfully he wouldn't, because just then, his office door slammed open and Moxxie stormed in towards Blitzø. The shorter trap-ish Imp was trembling, twitching, as well as looking somewhat sexier and weird-er than usual.

"Mox, why aren't you handling the fucking phone?" Blitzø asked while he saved the footage that was posted. It might make for a good promo scene later if they made enough money to make another commercial, and this way he wouldn't have to bribe Loona into doing it. That was an emergency room visit he would rather avoid.

A gloved red finger pointed in Blitzø's face.

"L-Listen, sir!" Moxxie snapped. "I don't know how that-that lazy, intolerable Hellhound that you call our secretary manages to keep those Sinners from harassing her, and therefore by extension us, but–!"

"Moxxie, babe, quit havin' a panic attack an' look at this cute little puppy!" Millie interjected with a squeal as she popped up beside him and showed off her phone. Blitzø, as the tallest of the three, could peer over his subordinates' shoulders and see it as well.

It was a picture of a picnic setup where Loona – and her little smile back in place with her tail perked and, guh! Blitzø was gonna explode from the sheer overload of fatherly feelings he was having right now – was leaning against the hot fuckwad of a Hellhound (that was also the grandson of the Fire Toad Eater!) – he needed to get that fucking giant arm off of his baby girl! Filthy lying wannabe daughter-fucker better keep that red rocket away from his precious baby girl – while said fuckwad had his other arm wrapped around the wide-smiling puppy that was too fucking pure to be of his loins.

Fuck, it was fucking awful how adorable that puppy was when her hood was off! Those little cherub heavenly fucks they met a few weeks back should take a note from her book.

"Uh, Millie, that puppy isn't available–Ohh." Moxxie suddenly nodded and Blitzø looked at the rest of the picture. Some periwinkle she-hound was sitting across from Loona with her arms around a fugly little brown and white Puppy that had no teeth and a massive head.

"The fuck is wrong with that little shit?" Blitzø asked. He immediately screamed as a knife dug into his thigh. Millie pulled the knife out and leveled the blade at him.

"You be nice to my future grand-puppy! Ah was talking about the one holdin it!"

"Millie, we can't afford to–!"

"Ah-uh, hun, check it out!" Millie scrolled up from the picture. "It's the Beelzehaven Pound 'Pups In Need' page! She's a single teen mom, and has a job, all we gotta do is watch her pup for her occasionally and treat her like we would any other demon! Y'know, like Blitz does for his Hellhound. Only...less Blitz-like!"

"Her own job? What's she do–Ah. I see." Moxxie's eyes went flat as he looked at his shamelessly grinning wife. "She works at a Puppy Park."

"The flying monkey shit is a puppy park!?" Blitzø asked, still nursing his leg wound. "And can I get a fuckin bandage over here?!"

"You besmirched the pup, yew pay the consequences!" Millie hissed.

"A Puppy Park is one of the Beelzebub endorsed Hell-Wide play-places for Demons and their Hounds to go in order to nurture their bonds between..uh.." Moxxie lowered his voice and cupped a hand around his mouth. "Master and Servant."

"We're not s'posed to say that anymore, Mox!" The lone female Imp chided her husband before she looked at her boss. "It's t' make ya closer with yer Hound, Blitz! Wait, are yew sayin' yew never took Loona to a Puppy Park?!" Millie asked with a gasp. She tapped her chin. "Well no fuckin wonder she's so fuckin surly all the time."

"Loona is not surly! She's sensitive!"

"To be frank, sir, your Hellhound is a bitch." Moxxie deadpanned as he pulled a roll of tape out of his pocket. Blitzø smirked.

"Why thank you, Mox. Yeah, loony-toony is pretty badass–"

"She is an ill-tempered, foul-mouthed, poor-mannered bitch, sir. The fact that she's insubordinate to higher demons without any notable accolades to back her really doesn't make her as 'badass' as you like to claim."

"Wha–! I back her–! Thank you, fuckin finally." Blitzø sighed as Moxxie tied off the bandage. While their boss got back to his feet, Millie gave her husband the stink eye for covering the wound and he crossed his arms. Blitzø then clapped his hands together. "Anyway, if this is supposed to be a family thing, that's all the more reason for me to go!"

"Then go, Sir. We can handle–hurlk!"

"We're going to meet our puppy!" Millie hissed.

"Honey, we don't have the money to take care of her, let alone move her in–"

"She's sixteen and alone with a baby, Mox! You're gonna leave her to suffer alone?!"

"...Damn my sympathetic black heart..." Moxxie muttered.

"So, we're agreed on going to Gluttony to rescue Loona?" Blitzø asked with a grin.

"We're going to meet with the puppy that needs our help." Millie said flatly. She waved her hand at him. "You do whatever you think you can, Blitz. Leave us out of it."

"Traitors." He grumbled. At least he'd have them there to sacrifice as meat shields if Fire Toad Eater's grandkid was anything like his grandfather.

(Then: Wrath, Buckzo Circus)

It was the scream of agony that had the tiny Imp poke his head into the office tent. A white-coated Hellhound stood with his back to the little impling, wearing olive trousers and a red vest over his back. There were two other demons with the Hellhound, one a voluptuous Succubus wearing a green jacket and the other a lean, white-scaled, serpent-like creature with the torso of those hoo-man's that were in his story book.

A large imp with massive rounded horns was slammed through a desk. He groaned and whimpered as the serpent demon slithered forward and put a long sword under his chin. The knick that followed drew blood and the little Imp gasped. The White Hound looked back at him, red eyes glowing in the dim light. His lips curled back and exposed large, blood covered fangs.

"Got ourselves a witness." He grumbled. Before the little imp knew what was happening, he was snatched by the scruff-spike and held aloft by the pretty succubus.

"He's a cute little trog," the succubus chuckled. "Well, maybe he won't be so little when he gets to be of age."

"D-Daddy?"

"Whatcha gonna do? Kill my son as a fuckin warning?!" Cash Buckzo growled. "Go ahead, little shit ain't worth the trouble–Urk!"

"It's when parents spew shit like that that I get pissed off." The White Hound growled. He pulled Cash in close and huffed the wound on his neck. "Got your scent now, dipshit. You can't fuckin' hide anywhere from us, so consider this your last fuckin' warning, Buckzo. Pay back your debts, or else we'll come back and renegotiate."

"Renegotiate?" Cash repeated after he was dropped into the rubble of his desk. The serpent-demon chuckled.

"I need more parts for my experiments and you Imps are so...Deliciously numerous."

Little Blitzø Buckzo did not like the way that the demon stared at him. He yelped when he was dropped onto his father and grunted again when he was shoved aside.

"You have five days, Buckzo. Five. Fucking. Days." The succubus purred before the three demons slipped out of the tent. Blitzø looked at his father, who glared down at the ground. Cash seemed to remember he was there and grabbed his neck. Tight.

"You don't repeat a fucking thing to nobody, boy! Not one fucking thing, you hear me?!"

"Y-yes! D-Da–!"

"You call me 'Sir' in this fuckin office, Boy." Cash snarled as his grip loosened. The young imp coughed and hacked as he drew the foul air back into his lungs.

"Y-yes, sir. I-I understand."

"Good. Now get the fuck out and get back to fuckin bed before I have to hear about it from your mother."

It wasn't anger in Cash's eyes as he made the demand, Blitzø would later reflect and realize.

It was pure, unadulterated fear.

Whoever those three demons were? They scared Cash. They really scared him. Almost as much as Paimon did. That day, a little nugget in the brain of one Blitzø Buckzo realized that it wanted that kind of power. Later down the line, he'd have the dangerous thought that would drive him to start the business he ran today.

If a Hellhound could scare Cash Buckzo, then why not an Imp?

(Now: Beelzehaven, Central Pup Park)

"He's her–? No, what the fuck?"

Naruto sighed as Loona stared at him, gobsmacked. Yep, he'd let the sibling gag play out for too long. This was on him.

"Welcome to the glorious freedoms of Gluttony, Loo." He shrugged and glanced at where Himawari was chasing a purple ball around the Space Chase arena. It was their second time in, which made for a nice breather after lunch to just chuck a ball for his full and energetic puppy to, as the isolated name of the attraction suggested, chase. He sat back on his arms, watching Himawari play with the enchanted ball that would keep away from her until it needed another throw to recharge it. Jiraiya tried to explain it to him once, something about glyphs or runes or some such, but all Naruto knew was that it kept a puppy distracted, safe and active.

"How the shit did she have one so fucking young?" Loona muttered. Naruto glanced at her, almost apologetic.

"Most Packs adhere to the Pacts during Terr-Raids," he said, claws digging through the gravel pit where they sat. "but one didn't and Maureen paid the price. And, well, you got the rest of the story from her during lunch. So, now you know: Maureen had Virgil when she was thirteenish, and I got saddled with Hellfather duties. Which basically makes me like a rich uncle with possible legal responsibilities for both of them."

He let that sink in and caught the purple ball on the rebound and then the panting pup that came zooming in after it.

"Aha! There's my Pickle Missile." Naruto grinned and growled at his puppy and then sniffed at her now cast-free arm. "How's it feel?"

"Loose, kind of itchy." She huffed and he gave her a knick-knack water bottle that probably wouldn't last a week once they got home to drink some water.

"Any pain?" Naruto asked, glancing also at Loona to inform her the question was also aimed her way. She was reserved in her head shake – likely on account of the revelation he just dropped – whereas Himawari gasped upon pulling the water bottle from her muzzle.

"Nope! No pain!" His precocious little Pickle beamed at him. "Will you throw it again, Daddy?"

"No head starts." Naruto warned around a smirk and showed the ball in his off-paw. "Ready?"

"Yes!" Himawari nodded, eyes glued to the ball.

"You sure?"

"Yes! Yes! Throw it!" The puppy yipped and barked excitedly while her tail whapped against his leg. Naruto feinted a throw once, and got one of his puppy's adorable frustrated growls as a reward. He chuckled and then chucked the ball. She stared after it, still trapped by his arm.

"Wait." He urged and huffed a small laugh at her whimper. "Wait..."

"Dad-dy~!"

"Don't whine." Naruto growled at her. He kissed the back of her ear when she whimpered and stamped her feet on his leg. "Alright...Go."

He would have sworn that air displaced the second he moved his arm out of her way. Her joy and relief at being able to use all four limbs made his black heart swell with joy as well.

"...Why do you make her wait?" Loona asked.

"Because having patience and knowing when to strike can save your life." Naruto returned, his eyes flicked her way before they returned to his pup. "There's going to be an offensive mounted by the end of the week."

"What?"

"Still processing Maureen's story?"

"No, I'm over that–Yes, dumbass, I'm still processing that shit!" Loona growled at him. He growled back at her. They growled a bit, and their noses got close, then one of them decided to stop growling and licked the other on the snout. That's about where he stopped paying attention and just enjoyed the kiss they shared. It was nice, not deep or overtly sexual, just...emotive. Their tails wagged, their lips pulled back into a pair of smiles; yeah, it was a pretty nice kiss.

Up until a certain five year old puppy came back to them with her captured ball in her teeth, only to start giddily asking them all sorts of questions that they didn't have answers for. Naruto needed to talk to her about that; Loona wouldn't stick around if it all happened too fast.

His girlfriend chucked the ball next to send the pup off, a smirk on her face as she sat beside him.

"Okay, so you were saying something about going on an offensive?"

"I've got things in motion. Getting back at the Familia that attacked us." He sighed. The mood was not going to get any brighter after talking about a she-hound's rape, so why the fuck not? "I was hoping – because she really trusts you and likes you almost as much as I do – that you'd, y'know, keep Himawari company when it happened?"

"You're asking me to babysit. Again. ...Are you fucking with me?"

"We're both still dressed right now, so...No."

"...Six out of ten."

"Goddammit, why are you so hard to please?" Naruto groaned as he flopped back. She climbed atop him, both of them had an ear on the laughing puppy as she chased her enchanted ball. "And it's not babysitting, it's just...Keeping her distracted, y'know. If it weren't for her suspension, I'd have her at school, y'know."

"You said that twice."

"Verbal tic; it happens when I'm anxious or excited."

"Mm." Loona laid her head on his chest. "If I agree to this–"

"If?"

"I don't babysit."

"She's almost six–!"

"Single digit, still an infant. Anyway, if I agree," a carefully cared for claw pressed onto Naruto's nose. "You owe me."

"What, a Devil's threesome?"

"Maybe. Maybe just a regular threesome."

"...How is that a punish–?"

"Like with...I dunno, Roxanne or someone like that."

"I retract my interrupted question." Naruto deadpanned. Loona snorted and he smirked. "That counts as a laugh."

"Shut up."

"Still counts." He grunted when she nipped the bottom of his jaw. Tease. "Fine, if you not-babysit but watch and entertain my puppy, I have to arrange a threesome."

"Or do something else."

"Or do something else." Naruto nodded. "Sure."

"Pegging is included in that."

"...Well, I'm only gonna live once..."

"...If we can find that Maury chick, think we can leave the Squirt with her for an hour?"

"May–Wait." Naruto sniffed the air and then looked at his girlfriend. "Did that seriously turn you–?"

Loona's paw clapped around his muzzle.

"Yes. It did. I just broke a fucking two year streak, so," she shifted and growled against his neck. "Shut up."

"I'm so proud of your restraint." Naruto huffed, smirking. Her hand tilted his head down and their muzzles touched again, then their lips. More gentle kissing and his puppy's laughter in the background? Was this really Hell or was Heaven starting to convert him into a believer–?

"Is there a Loona Buckzo in the Park? We have your father at the front desk. Would a Loona Buckzo please come to the front desk to collect her father?"

"Well, that settles that. Can't babysit, sorry babe, but I'm gonna kill him." Loona growled.

"Right. Sure."

"...Don't you dare fuckin laugh."

"I'm not gonna!" Naruto lied so hard just now. This was definitely Heaven. The situation was too funny for it not to be. Hell was never this funny!

"Loony Toony Moony, I've come to save you! ..Hehe, come..hey leggo asshole, I had the mic first!"

"So fucking dead."

"Yep." Naruto snurked. Loona glared at him.

"One word and it'll be a spitroast show I want to see performed on you by some of the biggest dicked porn stars, no, biggest dicked Sinners in Pride."

"My lips? Sealed." Naruto grinned and pecked her nose. "I'll wrangle my puppy. You plot a method to kill your father. And I'll help you hide the body."

"I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

"Oh so now you're the comedian?"

"Obviously."

"Oh, you better kill him fast." Naruto growled into Loona's neck. "Because I'll show you how funny I can be."

"Threaten me with a good time." She growled back at him and stole another kiss. "We have a deal then?"

"Oh yeah, babe. We have a deal."

AN: This fuckin' dog, dude...Cute as a button but dumb as a brick. Also, I'm allergic to him! So..fun!

Thanks for reading all, see ya next time!