Safely alone within her tent, Morrigan gave into the chaos of her mind. The events that conspired against her were both unexpected and infuriating. In one sentence Ayanna had raised her hopes and then dashed them. Jayden was suffering from the blight sickness; however, the Warden Commander did not have the means with him to make him a warden. Time was against them and they had been forced to administer the cure. The others thought she feared for him and she had no intention of explaining that her anger was because yet another opportunity had been denied her and she needed him to be a warden. She tried to concentrate on her mother's tome, losing herself in the pages to calm herself, but time and again her mind took her back to her mother's choice for the ritual. It would be no hardship to lay with Alistair, he was certainly handsome enough. Yet he was sickeningly in love with his wife and she could not imagine what she could say to convince him to participate in the ritual, especially when there were other wardens available. More importantly however was the fact that he was not the father she wanted for the child. Unconsciously she moved to the spell which would allow her a glimpse into the future. It would drain her mana and it was foolish to do it while on the road, but once they reached the warden base, she would see for herself if the future she had seen was still a possibility.

xXx

Closing his eyes Jayden took a deep breath of the sea air, he still felt queasy, but that was just the last effects of the cure. His wound was finally beginning to heal and all visible signs of the taint were gone, along with his connection to the Alpha. He had been surprised by the flare of anger in Rathnal's eyes when he had discovered he had taken the cure. Though he hid it quickly, it was a reminder to Jayden that the burden of command was deeply affecting his friend. While understanding the pressure involved in needing to make hard choices, he imagined the taint was also adding to Rathnal's hardening personality and he felt sure Rinna could help to bring him the balance he was missing. He glanced up feeling the ship shift slightly and begin to increase in speed. Dylan and Reece had been taking it in turns to aid the progress of the ship to enable Captain Marcus and the sergeants he had assigned to each ship to communicate. It was useful to ensure everyone had what they needed and any issues could be dealt with, though mercifully so far all was going well. He had managed to have a quick word himself with Tolman and Petra wanting to reassure himself they and the baby were coping with the journey. He had glimpsed Lyra though not spoken to her, seeing the relief in her eyes when she realised, he was alive, quickly clouded with sadness. He had stayed away after that, even just the sight of her proving too painful. Returning to the cabin as the ship pulled alongside Spring Tides, he glanced down to Airyl who nudged him gently. "I survived the Alpha; I will survive this."

xXx

Reassured that the captain was healing, Zevran decided that there was a matter he could no longer put off dealing with. He had always known that life could be fleeting, that death could come for them at any moment in any number of ways, but seeing Gwaren destroyed and learning of the ogres they would likely face, he was determined to make Rathnal see sense about Rinna. The Commander could be difficult to approach and certainly regarding this topic, but Zevran would not be swayed, he would make his argument and perhaps Rathnal would finally begin to let down his barriers.

Swaggering to hide his nerves, Zevran approached Rathnal in the tiny cabin he was sharing, though Alistair was nowhere to be seen. "May we speak Commander?"

Biting back the retort that he wanted to be left alone, Rathnal gestured for him to sit.

"Commander, I wish to discuss Rinna."

"This is neither the time nor place and I hardly think we should be discussing …"

"Please Commander, I believe this is exactly the time and place. After all we have been through, after what we are likely to be facing, time and our lives are precious. I have no desire to cause a rift between the two of you, but you surely know Rinna means a great deal to me. We have shared much …" He sighed softly. "I have no wish or intention to reveal my heart, but I would do anything for her."

"I believe you would." Rathnal stated softly. They were discreet of course and they never made a show of their relationship, yet it made his heart ache and he missed her, but he had made his choice. "Zevran, this conversation is unnecessary, Rinna is her own woman. I have no claim to her. We have shared some time together, but I have never had any expectations. I am well aware you're in love with each other even if you won't say it. I have already ended things with Rinna."

"I am aware and it is for this reason I come to you. You mean a great deal to her. I have come to ask that we find a way she is not forced to choose between us."

Rathnal stared at him startled. "You could share your time with her so easily?"

"That depends on the other."

Rathnal shook his head. "I believe I would end up acting the jealous fool and that is not how I wish to spend what little time I may have left." He turned away at Zevran's frown. "I'm trying to make this easy on us all, can't either of you see that?"

"I believe that is what you think you are doing, but it leaves all three of us unhappy to some degree. This is not the first time I have shared Rinna's heart with another." He smiled sadly. "It was about her at first. With Taliesen it was only through time and shared experience that brought us together that we realised we wanted each other as well." He noted Rathnal's flush, smiling slightly. "Is it so terrible a thing to imagine?"

"It's not something I've ever imagined." Rathnal muttered.

"Then let me be clear, while I do find you attractive my preference has always been women. I wish to be there for Rinna in whatever way she desires. Should you consent to the three of us spending more intimate time together I swear I will not touch you unless you ask it of me, or you initiate contact. Perhaps think on it before you break her heart and I suspect your own."

"It is already done Zevran, as I said what was between myself and Rinna is over."

"It does not have to be and you are only fooling yourself if you believe that." With a sigh Zevran stood. "Think on it." With a slight bow he left.

Sighing, Rathnal leaned back into the chair, he didn't want to think, everything was just too painful.

xXx

Having attempted to get some sleep and failing, Jayden was glad when Zevran returned, frowning slightly at his clear tension. "You look troubled."

"There is much to be troubled about."

"I suspect then that you finally spoke to Rath." He smiled at Zevran's surprised look. "You have clearly wanted to speak to him for a while now."

"I did not realise I was so transparent."

"You aren't." Jayden muffled a yawn. "But we have spent a lot of time together these past few days and every time Rath comes in you seem on edge."

"I see. I did in fact speak to him, but that is not something you need to worry about."

"You mean it's none of my business."

Smiling Zevran shook his head. "I did not say that." He sighed softly. "The Commander is stubborn."

"He is, though it is hardly surprising given the responsibility he shoulders."

"And that is exactly why he should not have parted from Rinna. They need each other as much as …"

"As you and Rinna need each other?"

"You have the truth of it."

"What was your proposal?" He smiled at Zevran's raised eyebrow. "Only if you would like to discuss it."

"Very well, perhaps you can tell me where I am going wrong with him. I suggested that if he consented to time with us both, I would not touch him unless he initiated it."

"Just give him time to think it over."

"Perhaps when you are fully recovered you could advocate on my behalf, after all we have become friends after our troublesome start have we not. I have grown on you as I told you I would."

"I seem to remember I likened you to a fungus."

Sighing softly Zevran settled gracefully on the floor. "I believe that is how the Commander sees me. Perhaps it was foolish of me to stay."

"Zev, what do you want?"

Glancing up startled, Zevran frowned slightly. "That is not something I am usually asked."

"Well I'm asking."

"I wish to remain with Rinna."

"Yes, but do you actually want to be with Rath too?"

"I … he is attractive and when he is not openly suspicious of me I believe we work well together, I am certainly not opposed to him."

Jayden leaned forward. "Zev if this stands a chance of working it can't just be about what Rinna wants. If Rath does consent to be part of this, but never wants anything physical between you, would you be alright with that?"

"You wonder if I would be offended or hurt. I would be neither; I am not so foolish as to believe I am attractive to everyone."

"Do you think you can get me a bottle of decent whisky on this ship?"

"Of course, but why?"

"I think Rath and I could do with a drink."

"Alcohol may not be wise while you are recovering."

"Zev, after everything that has happened, everything I had seen I … if ever I need a drink, it is now and I might as well do it constructively."

"I do not approve."

"But you will get me the whisky anyway?"

"I will, if only to stop you from exhausting yourself searching for it."

Smiling Jayden lay back down, falling asleep almost immediately.

Zevran smiled fondly. "I am glad that I was right about us being friends, even if I did not believe it at the time."

xXx

Rathnal inwardly groaned at the knock on the cabin door keeping a neutral expression as it opened. "I just want to be left alone." He raised an eyebrow as Jayden put a bottle of whisky between them, glancing at Airyl as she huffed softly before jumping up and settling herself on Alistair's bunk.

"Being by yourself is probably the last thing you need. There is nowhere to go and we are not needed for the moment. We saw our home destroyed and have found out that damn thing has an army of ogres, if ever there was a time to drink it is now."

Glancing at the mugs Jayden was pouring a shot of whiskey into, Rathnal had to admit he wouldn't mind drowning his sorrows for the night. His grandfather and everyone from the Alienage had made it to a ship and while cramped they were making it work, but his home was gone and it hurt more than he had expected. Taking the mug he took a sip, relaxing at the smooth taste and warming effect. "We got everyone out, that's something."

"It is."

Rathnal raised an eyebrow as Jayden polished off the whisky in his mug in one mouthful. "Take it easy."

"Why?" Jayden poured himself another. "The Alpha who nearly killed me is still alive and it is now leading an army of ogres. I may very well have been tainted on purpose in part of the Archdemon's plan to seed despair. I've been dreaming about coming home for the past seven years and now, unless we can find a cure for blighted land, I never will." He finished the drink and poured himself another. "I dream about what the Archdemon did every night and every morning I check that I still have my hands and on top of all of that I feel like my heart is being torn anew every time I see Lyra and my bloody shoulder is still on fire despite it healing. So, I am going to drink until none of that matters anymore at least for a little while."

Rathnal grabbed the bottle before Jayden could and poured some into his own mug. "Let me at least have some of it."

xXx

Staring at Jayden bleary eyed, three quarters of the bottle had gone and Rathnal knew he would pay for it the following day, but after everything they had been through, he didn't care. "What would you do if you were me?"

Forcing himself to focus Jayden wrinkled his nose, easing off his coat finally beginning to feel warm. "About what?"

"About Rinna! We have been talking about her for the last hour!"

"You've been talking about her for the past two hours and what's the big problem? She wants to be with you and you want to be with her. You are wardens so nothing is stopping you."

"Apart from the fact she is also sharing her bed with an assassin!"

"Come on, Zev is a kitten."

Rathnal snatched the bottle away. "No more drink for you!"

Trying to keep a straight face Jayden met his troubled gaze. "It might be instructive; he is always boasting about his prowess in bed."

"Maker, take this seriously! What would you do?"

"Rath you are speaking to the wrong man about this. I've never been intimate with a woman or a man and the woman I was ready to try and change the world for married someone else and my betrothed doesn't trust me. I'm not exactly the best person for relationship advice."

Pouring himself another drink Rathnal sighed. "Still, have you … have you ever thought of … of what Zevran was suggesting?"

"Lawrence was always pushing me to explore the full delights of the Pearl. Trust me he's enjoyed them all, but I obviously never did." He chuckled softly. "I was pushing it by falling in love with an elven woman, can you imagine what would have happened if I had fallen in love with a man, or just been intimate with one." Jayden glanced at his friend. "Maybe you should join them." He shrugged at Rathnal's startled gaze. "Life is short enough and we spend far too much of it alone. She loves you and you love her and Zev, well he's Zev, you could do worse. If he says he won't touch you I believe him. He's an outrageous flirt, but I don't think he would cross a pre-set boundary."

"I shouldn't even be talking about this with you. You are no help!"

Jayden gave him a very drunken wicked smile. "Go on, let me live vicariously through you, I might very well die never having been intimate!"

"You go and share their bed then!" Rathnal muttered, pouring himself another drink.

"It isn't me they want." Jayden retorted.

"Don't kid yourself, Zevran would have you in his bed in a heartbeat if you gave him the chance, the only reason he stopped openly flirting with you is Delilah warned him off."

Stifling a chuckle Jayden stretched lazily, wincing at the pain flaring in his shoulder. "Did she now and I thought it was just the company of other women she didn't want me to have." Jayden grabbed for the bottle, but Rathnal was a fraction faster. Leaning back in the chair he sighed. "Maybe I should join Zev, really give her something to yell at me about." Staggering to his feet Jayden sat down hurriedly as the room span. "Not right now though."

Shaking his head, Rathnal poured him another drink. "You get into enough trouble, stop looking for more!"

"Trouble finds me!" Jayden protested, staring gloomily into the mug.

xXx

Stumbling into the cabin an hour later, Jayden winced as he bumped into a chair and sent something crashing to the floor, Zevran immediately alert, dagger in hand. "Just me." Jayden whispered loudly, grateful Airyl was pressing against his leg. In truth she was probably the only reason he was still standing and had made it back to the cabin, having left Rathnal snoring on his bunk.

Zevran glanced to the far side of the cabin where Dylan and Reece were fast asleep. Both mages were exhausted and unlikely to wake unless they were forcibly dragged from their sleep. He caught Matthew's smile who had also woken at the noise, before he closed his eyes leaving Zevran to deal with their very drunk friend. Slipping the dagger back beneath the pillow Zevran couldn't help grinning. "I see you and the Warden Commander enjoyed the whisky."

"We did, thank you." Dropping his coat to the floor after unsuccessfully trying to drape it over the one chair in the cabin, he eased onto the bunk groaning as pain flared in his shoulder. "Need more drink." He mumbled.

"You need sleep." Zevran stated firmly removing his boots ignoring Jayden's half-hearted protests. "Worry not, I will not remove anything else, unless of course you wish me to."

Jayden gave a soft sigh. "What's it like Zev, being with someone?"

Zevran held his tongue from teasing at the wistful tone in his voice. "Ah well that depends, sex is delightful of course, but intimacy with someone you love, that is a rare and beautiful thing."

"I miss Lyra." He moaned, burying his face in the pillow.

"You mean of course Delilah."

"No, I mean Lyra. I would have given up everything for her, but she married someone else. When I saw her again, I wanted to …" He groaned to himself. "I didn't, but I still feel guilty." Shifting onto his back he glared at the ceiling. "I maybe should have done something if I end up feeling this bad anyway." He felt Zevran's searching gaze and glanced over. "Sorry."

Shifting slightly, Zevran leaned slightly closer. "Lady Delilah has seemed to make things between you … difficult."

"She's a bloody nightmare." Jayden grumbled.

"Then why may I ask; do you tolerate her? If there is no intimacy between you and as far as I can tell a distinct lack of love despite any protests to the opposite, simply walk away. No harm has been done; you have not relieved her of her virtue." He frowned at the sadness in his expression.

"Believe me there are times I wish I could just walk away."

Zevran remained silent, raising an eyebrow at the soft snore moments later, smiling as Airyl eased herself up onto the bunk next to him. "You, Captain, are a puzzle that becomes more complicated the more I think I know you."

xXx

Alistair smirked as Rathnal came up on deck mid-morning looking pale and a little unsteady on his feet. "How much did you two drink last night?"

"Too much! Where were you anyway?"

"Playing cards with Zev and the others and then I sat up here for a bit. We thought you two might need a bit of space."

"I needed rescuing! I've never seen him drink that much! Maker, he's going to be in a state this morning."

"At least he's alive to be in a state."

"True." Rathnal sighed deeply. "I can't believe it's all gone. I … as a warden I know we give up everything that came before, but I … I really thought we could save my home." He glanced up as Alistair gently squeezed his shoulder.

"It can be rebuilt, once the tainted land is dealt with that is."

"Not the Vhenadahl."

"Can't you … I don't know, get seeds from one in another alienage?"

Rathnal smiled slightly. "Maybe. Thanks Ali."

xXx

Biting back the groan, feeling as though hammers were pounding in his head, Jayden eased himself up on the bunk, biting his lip as he attempted to stifle the moan of pain, his shoulder throbbing mercilessly, having lain on it while sleeping. Realising he was alone he tried to motivate himself to get up, glancing over as the door opened, Zevran smirking as he entered the cabin.

"At last, you are awake, drink this."

Jayden took the mug forcing a smile. "Thanks. Zev I … I didn't do anything stupid last night did I, when I got back to the cabin I mean."

"Not that I am aware of."

"I mean I had a lot to drink so if I said anything, or suggested anything improper I'm sorry."

Turning, Zevran grinned. "Are you asking if you propositioned me?"

"Did I?"

Chuckling softly at the alarmed look on his face Zevran shook his head. "No, my friend and if you had I would have refused, I like my bed partners completely aware of what they are doing, besides we were hardly alone." Sitting on the bunk he smiled slightly. "I am truly desirable of course, but I admit some surprise at your concern, you have never appeared interested."

Feeling his cheeks heat Jayden concentrated on the contents of the mug. "Rath and I were talking and he happened to mention Delilah warned you to stop flirting with me."

"Ah and perhaps in your inebriated state you thought to give her something to actually be angry with you about." He smiled warmly at his deepening flush. "Did you perhaps champion my case during the evening?"

"I did, I told him to go for it. He told me I wasn't very helpful." Sighing Jayden put down the mug and stared at his hands. "Who knows if any of us are going to survive this. If he keeps on isolating himself, he will become too cold. We need the things that remind us why we keep fighting, why we have to keep fighting."

"And what reminds you?" Zevran asked softly, irritated at the knock on the cabin door.

"Come in." Jayden stated, picking up the mug and taking another sip of the tea.

Peering around the door Gawain winced. "Sorry to disturb you Captain, but there is someone who wants to speak to you via the Calling Crystal."

"And I don't suppose it can wait." Jayden muttered with a yawn rubbing sleep from his eyes. At Gawain's wince he sighed and followed him, Airyl trotting after them. "Who is it?"

"I'm afraid I don't know, Captain Marcus just told me to get you."

Heading into the cabin Marcus stood and handed him the Calling Crystal. "It is Lady Delilah Howe, we will leave you to it, she requested a private conversation."

Nodding Jayden sat on the bunk waiting until the door shut glancing to Airyl who huffed and lay down putting her head on her paws.

"William?"

"I'm here."

"Captain Marcus reported to Fergus that you are recovering well. I just … I wanted to … I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about Gwaren."

"We got everyone out, that is what matters."

"But I know how much you longed to go home."

"No point thinking about it now, it isn't going to happen."

"It was foolish though brave of you to face the Alpha in battle."

"I didn't have much of a choice."

"There is always a choice."

"Fine, I didn't like the alternative of mass slaughter."

"You sound unwell, are you sure you are recovering?"

"Pain and the after effects of alcohol will do that, it's nothing to worry about." He sighed at the silence.

"Do you really think drinking is appropriate? You need to set an example as Andraste's Champion."

"After what we all went through, I would imagine many people have indulged since we escaped."

"Perhaps, but your behaviour will be scrutinised more than any other."

"Delilah, I saw my home destroyed, I don't need a lecture on my behaviour!"

"This is precisely when you need to be reminded of how your behaviour will affect others. We need to start to consider the long-term implications of Gwaren's destruction."

"The people will have refuge in Highever until after the Blight and hopefully beyond. I intend to get people working on a cure for blighted land so perhaps one day Gwaren can be reclaimed."

"Of course, but I was thinking more personally. You can hardly be a Teyrn with no Teyrnir. You will likely be called more to the Makers work."

"What you mean is the Chantry will try to sink their claws in deeper."

"I do wish you would not speak that way."

"Well either way I have to survive the Blight first before I need to think about that."

"It is wise to consider how you will handle these things before you are faced with them."

"Alright Delilah, what would you have me do?"

"Once the Landsmeet is done and my father is dealt with we will speak to the Grand Cleric, find out her expectations of your role and set up appropriate boundaries. I would imagine they will have much to keep you busy within Ferelden and further afield."

"Just for curiosity's sake, what would you consider an appropriate boundary?"

"That will depend entirely on what their expectations of you are. I would suggest limiting your time doing Chantry work to perhaps three quarters of the year. I would imagine there will be much travel involved meeting the Divine herself, nobility of course. You will likely be expected to do a tour of the Chantry's across Ferelden and abroad. You always wanted to travel."

"Delilah I and not giving three quarters of a year to the Chantry!"

Delilah sighed softly hearing his increasing agitation. "Perhaps we should discuss this when you are not so … tired." She nipped nervously at her lip. "Did you see any of your old friends?"

"Not really, the nobles I knew are elsewhere and Zef is in Denerim."

"And Lyra?"

Inwardly groaning Jayden bowed his head. "Yes, I saw her."

"I see and is she … is she on the same ship as you."

"No, she is not and I am sharing a cabin with Zevran, Dylan, Reece and Matthew in case you wish to know that as well."

"There is no need …"

"Oh, and the Divine you are so desperate to get me in tow with wants me to marry Empress Celene!" He winced at her shocked gasp, but couldn't help himself. "So maybe you should consider that my getting deeper involved in the Chantry will have implications you might not find so palatable!"

"I …"

"I'm tired Delilah, I will speak with you when we reach Highever." He tapped the symbol, the connection ending, turning his head to look at Airyl as she whined. "That was a stupid and cruel thing to do." Forcing himself to stand he headed back out on deck to find Marcus to return the crystal.

Delilah sat where she was for some time feeling as though her heart was breaking. Panic constricted her throat and she felt sick. The thought of losing him to the Empress was terrifying, it opened up fear within her that she had never imagined. Dark thoughts filled her mind and she wondered once again if the woman the Gauntlet had shown her was who she really was.

xXx

Alistair frowned as he noticed Jayden hand the Calling Crystal back to Captain Marcus. "I wonder who he was talking to."

"He was talking to Lady Delilah." Zevran stated softly joining them. "I happened to be passing by the room and overheard Captain Marcus mention she wanted a private conversation with him."

"That explains his frustrated look then." Rathnal muttered.

"I would understand their connection a little better if they were enjoying delightful intimate time together." Zevran murmured, shaking his head. "Perhaps he is flattered that a noble pursued him, but even that does not ring true."

Rathnal and Alistair shared a look before the Commander sighed. "Let's go and see if he wants to talk about it." Heading over they moved to either side of him as he gazed out over the water. Zevran kept his distance, not wanting to crowd him.

"More problems?" Rathnal asked cautiously.

"Just Delilah being difficult as usual."

"We have got to get you out of this betrothal."

Wincing at the pain in his shoulder Jayden sighed deeply. "Give me a plan, I'll take anything at this point."

Alistair shook his head. "What did she say?"

"Just to remind me about my behaviour as Andraste's Champion, in other words I shouldn't be drinking, I shouldn't have faced the Alpha and now that Gwaren is destroyed I won't be what I one day would have been, so I should dedicate at least three quarters of each year to Chantry work."

Rathnal made a choking noise. "That woman is unbelievable."

"She is thinking politically, something at the moment I am ill equipped to do and I know I shouldn't, but I think I hate her for it."

Glancing at Rathnal, Alistair wished he knew the right thing to say. "Maybe you two just need to keep your distance from each other until after the Blight, sort out the betrothal thing then."

"It's not going to go away Ali. I'm going to end up married to her and she will have me chained to the bloody Chantry and expect me to thank her for it." He sighed dismally. "There are some days I hope I don't survive what's to come." He winced at Alistair's sharp intake of breath and turned to his friend. "Not everyone is going to survive Ali and I have far exceeded my quota of escapes." He glanced back out across the water. "I'm just so damn tired."

Alistair opened his mouth to speak, almost relieved when Dylan moved over to them.

"It's time for me to check your wound."

Jayden didn't bother protesting, he knew how worried they had all been. Yet despite being out of danger, he knew Dylan wouldn't be happy until the wound was fully healed. Following him down to their cabin, Jayden winced as he unbound the dressings, feeling the ache become a fiery pain.

"It is healing, but I am not happy you still feel so much pain."

"It gets better every day. So, how long before I can get back to training?"

"You aren't using this arm until the wound is fully healed and then you will need to take it easy and build it back up again." Dylan shifted slightly, taking the opportunity while they were alone. "I'm sorry about your home."

"Me too."

"You know I'm pretty handy with plants and elemental magic, I bet with some resources and some luck we can find a way to heal blighted land. I mean no-one thought there would be a preventative or cure and yet we have both now."

"I hope so." Jayden stated softly. "I was thinking about Enchanter Innes and Karl of course. The Wardens will help, I'm sure."

"As Champion you should use whatever influence you have with the Chantry and get the best elemental mages from across the Circles to help. We are taught the same disciplines, but each mage has their own talents. I bet if there are a large enough group of us, we can get this worked out in no time. Besides, if we end the Blight before it leaves Ferelden, I think we should have earned a little good grace from the rest of Thedas."

Jayden muffled a yawn. "If they are unwilling, I will have a word with the Divine."

Dylan almost choked. "I'm not sure she would be interested."

"Well as it happens, she wants something from Andraste's Champion, so she can damn well give something in return."

"What does she want exactly?" Dylan whispered.

Shuddering Jayden closed his eyes. "Something I pray will never happen."

xXx

Author note: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed.