Dean felt like shit, but not eating would do that to a man. It wasn't like he was doing it on purpose; he just wasn't hungry; he didn't see a reason to eat. Sam went off to college, dad all but abandoned him, and Dean just gave up, there was no way to be a perfect little soldier if there was no one giving orders. It wasn't like he was some teenage girl who was starving them self to death, or to fit some photoshopped image in a magazine, he ate every now and then, but not enough to be considered healthy, it was a complete 180 from how he used to be, when he was stuck in a permanent state of feast or famine when he was making sure that Sam could eat, not caring if it meant he skipped a couple meals, therefore gorging himself when he was presented an option.
Sucking in a calming breath he put the Impala in park in front of the apartment complex that Sam lived in. He knew he could find dad on his own, but he had been alone for so long now, he hated to admit it, but his family was his reason to keep living. Reaching into the glove box with a groan he pulled out a ibuprofen bottle and shook a few out in his hand before tossing them back 'good old vitamin M' he gave a dry chuckle, he knew that the only way to get rid of this prevailing headache was to actually eat, but these took the edge off. Patting the dash, he opened the door and got out, looking both ways down the street before crossing, subconsciously blending in with the shadow like dad taught him to.
Getting into the complex and into Sam's place was child's work, old locks were soft and easy to pick. Creeping towards where he assumed the kitchen was, he winced at the creaking of the floorboards, thinking they would most likely wake his little brother. Opening the door to what he now knew was the kitchen he started towards the fridge, just to be hit by a massive weight. Knowing it was Sam but still instinctively fighting back they tussled exchanging blows until Dean got him on the floor and was on top of him, his face illuminated by the moon light streaming through a window.
"Woah easy tiger."
"Dean? You scared the crap outta me!" Laughing at his little brother's surprise but proud of the fight he put up.
"That's cause you're outta practice." Quick as a blink Sam grabbed his arm and brought his foot down on his back, reversing their positions "Or not, get off me."
Sam stood holding out a hand for him and Dean accepted it, pulling himself to his feet, straightening his oversized jacket once he was standing, the loose material helped to hide his thin frame, and he hoped that Sam had been too caught up in the moment to notice how light he had gotten.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"Well, I was looking for a beer." All that quip earned him was one of Sam's patented bitch faces, man, he kinda missed those.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam said again, with more sass and a tone of irritation.
"Okay. Alright. We gotta talk."
"Uh, the phone?"
Oh that one stung a little, they both knew that Sam wanted out of hunting, and the way he went about that apparently meant that he had to cut out anyone who was involved in hunting, Dean included, the hadn't talked in years, not for Deans lack of trying, he called, and even occasionally texted, but all he got was either sent to voicemail, or ignored, hell, he was half way surprised that Sam hadn't blocked him.
"If I'd 'a called, would you have picked up?"
The fight that would have started from that wasn't even allowed to begin because someone turned the light on, cutting them short. Dean turned and looked and wow she was hot, curly blonde hair and a great body. Either Sammy boy here had taken to one night stands which Dean could admit wasn't his brother's style, or he had gotten himself a girl. His pondering was cut short by Sam introducing them.
"Jess. Hey. Dean, this is my girlfriend, Jessica." Dean smiled, proud of his brother and then threw some lines her way, knowing it would piss Sam off.
"I gotta borrow your boyfriend here, talk about some private family business, but, uh, nice meeting you." Sam, the sap, decided to be a pain in Dean's ass and told him that he had to say whatever he needed to say in front of Jess, making Dean think fast for a civilian friendly explanation.
"Um. Dad hasn't been home in a few days."
"So he's working overtime on a Miller Time shift. He'll stumble back in sooner or later." Dean shrugged, knowing that Sam wasn't wrong, but damn was his brother a dumbass sometimes, making him practically spell it out.
"Dads on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days"
That kicked his brother's ass in gear, and he told Jess they had to talk outside before turning to go but some clothes on, they bickered the entire way down the stairwell, what was it with colleges and stairs, would it kill them to install an elevator Jesus. He listened to Sam ramble about the times that dad went 'missing' and then showed up, completely fine, but this wasn't the Same, he'd been gone for months
"Not for this long. Now are you gonna come with me or not?"
"I'm not"
"Why not?" Sam knew Dean didn't ask for help easily, knew that he hated doing it so why was he refusing him? It's not like he decided it got too hard and he's tapping out for reinforcements
"I swore I was done hunting. For good."
Ah there it was. Dean turned and scoffed, continuing down the stairs, noticing how he started breathing a little hard and hoping that Sam hadn't. Sam started talking again behind him, getting down to the door to the outside. Sam spewed some bull shit and Dean retaliated, trying not to show how much his head was hurting him. Huffing and slamming the door open he headed for the Impala, Sam still complaining behind him. Great, more fucking stairs. Having enough of Sam's whining he turned to him.
"So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it?"
"No, not normal, safe"
"And that's why you ran away." Looking down Dean couldn't help but silently add 'and left me alone'.
"I was just going to college. It was Dad who said if I was gonna go, I should stay gone. And that's what I'm doing." Stubborn ass little brothers, he was just as bad as dad in that department.
"Yeah, well, Dad's in real trouble right now. If he's not dead already. I can feel it. I can't do this alone."
"Yes, you can."
"Yeah well, I don't want to."
He hoped his vulnerability with his brother might sway him to his side, that showing Sam a fraction of how hopeless he felt might make him realize that he wasn't gonna make it through it on his own. Sam sighed, an annoyed look flashing across his face,
"Alright, what was he hunting?" A smile flew across Dean's face. Giving his brother the info and the newspaper clippings he listened to his theories before pulling out the tape recorder and playing the message to Sam. Sam listened and then essentially called him stupid when he asked if he knew it had EVP on it. Playing the message, he got when he put a gold wave on it he watched Sam's face, watching for any hits about his thoughts "never go home" ah-ha that was Sam's thinking voice, but it wasn't enough.
"You know, in almost four years I've never bothered you, never asked you for a thing." That was the final nail in the coffin that Dean needed, Sam sighed.
"All right. I'll go. I'll help you find him, but I have to get back first thing Monday. Just wait here."
"What's first thing Monday?"
"An interview, it's for law school, and it's my whole future on a plate. Do we have a deal?" Dean didn't say anything, but Sam knew it was a yes.
Dan came out of the gas station with a bag full of junk food, it was mostly to keep Sam from asking questions, he did get a slice of pie but that was because he would feel his blood sugar tanking, he hadn't eaten in a day or so and it was messing with him. Setting the bag on the trunk he started gassing up Baby, Sam was in the front seat rifling through his cassette collection. Knowing damn well that Sam wouldn't eat any of this but not being able to stop himself from asking
"Hey, you want breakfast?"
"No, thanks. So, how'd you pay for that stuff? You and Dad still running credit card scams?"
'Damn Sammy say it louder, maybe the people in the next county didn't quite hear you'.
"Well, hunting doesn't exactly pay, besides it's not our fault they send us the cards."
"Hmm what's your name's this time around."
"Uh, Burt Aframian, and his son Hector. Scored two cards out of the deal."
"That sounds about right. I swear, man, you've gotta update your cassette tape collection."
"Why?"
"Well, for one, they're cassette tapes. And two. Black Sabbath? Motorhead? Metallica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock."
"Well, house rules Sammy, driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his piehole, speaking of pie".
Dean turned and dug through the bag, producing a plastic cartoon containing a slice of apple pie with a fork taped to the top, freeing the fork and and opening the lid he took a piece, groaning at the taste, seeing if he could get a rise out of Sam and because it was a damn good pie, swallowing before he was finished chewing he took another bite chewing it all the way this time as his stomach protested slightly at the sudden food it was expected to digest. Sam huffed at his antics
"You know, Sammy is a chubby twelve-year-old. It's Sam, okay?"
Sam couldn't help but note the slightly uncomfortable look on his brother's face and the way he shifted slightly like he couldn't figure out if he was going to be sick or not. Dean turned the key, cranking up the volume on the stereo
"Sorry I can't hear you; the music is too loud, and this pie is too good."
Sam brushed it off, figuring if his brother was joking then it must be fine. Dean lost himself in the music as he drove, vaguely recognizing that Sam was making calls on his phone, the pie isn't setting right, the was churning in his stomach and he kept having to swallow all of the excessive spit his mouth started producing, Sam probably noticed all the swallowing, but he didn't say anything and Dean was grateful for it. It was apple pie too; his favorite food had betrayed him. Sam clicked his cell shut.
"All right. So, there's no one matching Dad at the hospital or morgue. So that's something I guess."
Dean was about to respond when they turned a corner and saw a bunch of police on a bridge, stopping the car Dean dug through the glove box for his fake IDs.
"Alright let's see what the local fuzz has."
Turns out they had squat and now Sam was mad at him for the way he talked to cops. Doesn't matter that they don't actually know what was going on, it was 'disrespectful'. College was getting to the kid; he'd be worse once he got into law school. Hell, the girlfriend, Amy, was more helpful than the cops, she at least told them about the girl who died out on the highway. They figured out that she wasn't murdered, but she had jumped off the bridge and killed herself, probably becoming a woman in white. Women in white were all through folklore, in almost all cultures, with a prominent one being La Llorona in Latin American culture. All beautiful women whose husbands had cheated and in a fit of rage or grief had drowned their children and then drowned themselves. Now they haunted waterways hoping to find their children and save them. That was usually how it went, Constance apparently was after men.
They had decided to go out to the bridge where Constance had jumped, the Same bridge that Troy's blood-soaked car had been. Sam made an affirming noise, asking him if he thought dad had been there, Dean knew that their father was hunting this Same thing, and that him and Sam did the Same thing their father did, just a little slower, so i did think that he had been there, or at least knew that this was the place that the chick died, but before he could answer he was struck by a wave of dizziness that he tried to turn into leaning on the guard rail, hoping that Sam wouldn't notice, and made a noise in the back of his throat that he hoped Sam would take as a yes. Sam gave him a concerned look.
"Well I hope that we find him pretty quick, i have that interview to get back to on Monday."
Dean swallowed hard, 'that's right, he only had his brother back for a couple days before he was alone again' Dean looked at the floor, nodding before turning away from Sam, unable to look at him, scared he might see the fear and the desire to belong in his eyes. Then he caught a glimpse of a white fluttering nightgown in the corner of his eye and looked up.
"Sam." His brother looked over as the girl stepped off the bridge, plummeting without as much as a scream. They both rushed to the railing, peering over the edge… at nothingness. Then the Impala roared to life behind them, that should happen, Dean had the keys. Then the car moved, headed towards them like she had a mission.
"Dean? Go! Go!" Sam cried, they both turned and ran, quickly realizing that they couldn't outrun the car, they jumped. Dean felt the weightlessness, it felt like his stomach was trying to fly up his throat, then he hit the water. It was cold, he didn't have a lot of body fat to combat the cold, and the little strength he got from the slice of pie that he ate was immediately sapped. Fighting his way to the surface and pulling himself onto the bank, trying to ignore the muck that he drug his body through. He heard his brother hollering for him.
"What."
"You ok?"
"I'm super." He climbed back up to the bridge checking his car over, trying to keep his body angled away from Sam as he did so, his shirt plastered to his skin. "That Constance chick, what a bitch."
"You smell like a toilet."
Might as well add his little brother to the Bitch list as well, the asshole. They went to the motel and Dean wasn't sure how they let him into the lobby, much less gave him dads old room. He was covered head to toe in river water, mud, and he was fairly certain that someone's sewage leaked into the river as well. He smelled revolting. Checking into dads' old room and after confirming the fact that dad had in fact been there and had known what was in the town Dean took a shower, rinsing off the grossness. Dean heard the bathroom door open while he was in the shower and Sam asked him a random question being interrupted by Dean yelling at him to get out, Dean answered him though, he had wanted to know if they could get food in a bit because he hadn't eaten all day and was getting shaky and Dean told him that he had seen a diner on the way in that they could go to.
Getting out of the shower, avoiding looking in the mirror, not wanting to see how bad he had gotten, even though he wasn't consciously doing it. Drying off he put on his boxers and jeans but was stopped short when he couldn't find his shirt. He knew he had grabbed one, double checked even, but he must have dropped it. Breathing in deep he steeled himself to open the door, hoping that Sam would be preoccupied looking at the clippings on the walls, or even reading dads journal, but he wasn't that lucky, no, Sam was sitting on the bed closest to the bathroom, holding Deans shirt. The little shit must have taken it when he asked Dean about eating. He should have known that his little brother was to smart not to notice that there was something up with his brother and now he was staring at Dean, and Dean was shirtless, Sam could see EVERYTHING he could see the way his ribs made shadows and the fact that someone could practically use his collar bones as a handle, he wasn't bad enough that his hips jutted out, but he wasn't too far from it either.
"Dean, we need to talk."
"Why, everything is fine."
"That's bullshit and you know it. You've lost weight, you aren't taking care of yourself."
"I don't know what you're talking about, everything is peachy."
"Stowe the crap Dean you're not okay, you almost passed out on the bridge, you were way lighter then you were the last time I saw you which was four years ago Dean if anything you should have put on weight, Dean I've watched you run five miles before and you hardly broke into a sweat, but you got winded going down the stars in my apartment. we didn't even stop to eat on the way in and you always eat, the bag of freaking junk food you got at that gas station is still in the car, the only thing you've eaten today was a piece of pie and it almost made you sick, you don't get sick from food you have a steel trap for a stomach Dean! So don't give me the I'm fine shit because it's a lie, i see what's happening even if you try to hide it. Why are you doing this to yourself what happened" Sam was panting after his rant, his tear-filled eyes staring into Deans, not allowing anything but the truth.
"I -look- I'm not doing it on purpose okay, that's not what this is. I'm just…. Not hungry, I still eat but I'm not hungry, so I forget too. I was left alone Sammy, okay? I don't blame you, but when I got back to the motel after you went to collage dad was gone too and I didn't know what to do, I don't do feelings man, and being left behind by my entire world really messed me up dude, I'm trying to get better, I really am, but I'm not."
"Oh Dean I'm so sorry, I didn't know, if you want when we find dad you can stay with me and Jess, I'm sure she would be fine with it, but I can't spend my life waiting for the inevitable call that your wasting away in a hospital bed, or that you died on a hunt because you were too weak to fight off whatever monster you were hunting."
"I-"
"Don't argue with me Dean, I see how weak you are now, just promise me, promise me that you'll take better care of yourself, and if you can't that you'll give me a call."
"Okay" Dean nodded knowing damn well that he couldn't keep the first promise, and he wouldn't keep the second promise, there was no way that he was going to burden Sam with his shit while Sam was trying to live a safe normal life, adding a fucked up older brother to that mix would just mess it up. "Now if you're done with the chick flick moment Samantha, I'd like to find dad. Give me my shirt back."
"Jerk."
"Bitch."