Duality
[The scene opens with a shot of Hemlock Harbor as Rebecca is shown leaving with a passenger train as we get a better look at the refurbished area, with new ports and docks for tugboats to unload and pick up cargo, a ferry to transport people around the different landmarks, and the new station is decked out in sea green with two separate platforms. The Can-Do Crew can be seen in the background attending to a section of the harbor]
[Transition to a shot of Elm Station as Henry can be seen leaving with a long goods train, passing by Hiro as he comes in with his own train of trucks while Paxton is seen in the background arranging a passenger train for Bear who is fueling up in the sidings]
[Transition to the town of Elm where the Tiny Toons are shown gathered by a cafe as the Cooper Gang, Fairly Odd trio, the KND, and the Scooby-Doo gang can be seen walking past in opposite directions. Other patrons of the cafe can be spotted as Johnny Bravo, Samurai Jack, the Miao family, Anastasia, and Drizella, who are shown seated to the left and right of the Tiny Toons]
[Our current roster consists of Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Hampton as the green duck is flexing about his accomplishments to the others with the pig in overalls passing notes in a large stack]
Plucky: And of course, there was my exceptional performance as BatDuck, you should have seen the looks on the triplets' faces, they were fuming! Haha! [grabs another card] This one's a personal favorite, my audition of replicating Peter Lorre, the agent was so impressed that he wanted to sign me up for a triple-bundle movie deal.
Buster: Ah-huh, I'm sure that's exactly how it happened. Didn't need to have two tubs of ice cream on hand that night when you came in askin' for company.
[Plucky narrows his eyes]
Plucky: I just didn't want you to feel lonely, after all, no one could resist having Plucky Duck bunk with them.
Babs: Especially after consoling him for his many failed attempts at achieving stardom.
[Plucky slams his hands on the table]
Plucky: I have achieved stardom! Just…not when the cameras caught it. Isn't that right, Hammy?
Hampton: Uh-duh, yeah, whatever you say, P-P-Plucky.
Plucky: Besides, Buster, I remember when you needed to see me after having to endure being Elmyra's prisoner for a whole weekend. You looked worse than I…on very rare occasions do…
Buster: Hey, you try puttin' up with Darla Dimple's inbred cousin and come back lookin' as peachy as ever.
Babs: [shivers] To know how Furrball feels most of the time, not something I ever wanna go through again.
[Plucky turns around and a coy grin appears on his face]
Plucky: Speaking of which, here he comes with the rest of Team B.
[Cut to Furrball in front of Calamity, Shirley, Dizzy, Fifi, and Renaldo rolling his eyes upon hearing this comment]
Furrball: I'm not just set dressing, you know.
Shirley: Also, like, you should try not to tempt fate and karma so much, you know it only ends with you getting wrecked.
Plucky: Pfft, they can tell it to my tail feathers.
Calamity: And thus the cycle is bound to repeat…
Buster: Ain't that a little ironic comin' from you, Coyote? Ya' know, the whole thing about your inventions and plans goin' haywire on a regular basis?
[Calamity rolls his eyes]
Calamity: Merely a product of the past, just like my inability to say proper dialogue.
[Buster notices Tom and Jerry about to pass by and grins coyly]
Buster: Well, you're not the only one who's learned to use their voice.
Tom and Jerry: Piss off.
[The blue rabbit merely waves off the cat and mouse]
Babs: Sooooo, what brings you all here?
Fifi: Well, it doesn't hurt to have ze whole gang together for a luncheon, no?
Renaldo: At least the ones who we considered tolerable enough to join this little entourage, aha, I made sure of that.
Dizzy: Razza-frazza, I ate it up, rrmrmrm.
Renaldo: Oooof course you did, Dizzy…
Hampton: Huh, I th-th-thought Johnny would be with you guys.
Renaldo: Oh yeah, not whenever Fifi's around, isn't that right, velvet?
Fifi: What?
[Renaldo gives her a look]
Fifi: Don't be so coy, as if I would go off the chain regarding you know who.
Renaldo: Ah-huh, now try saying that with his actual name.
[Fifi narrows her eyes at the raccoon]
Fifi: Whatever, you would be bitter if you went through the same thing I did.
Renaldo: "Oh nooooo, a hot music star didn't pay attention to me after stalking him."
[Furrball tries to suppress a snicker upon hearing this]
Fifi: Zat isn't the complete context, he had me lugging around all zat stuff for him and for what? To go after another fangirl.
Plucky: Honey, I don't think you understand how the music industry works, people like that always move on to the next crazy fan who'll do anything for them.
[Buster pulls out his phone to take a note]
Buster: Memo; Plucky said somethin' that made sense today.
[Plucky scowls and pulls out his own phone]
Plucky: Memo; Buster can suck my b-
Hampton: AH-AHEM!
Shirley: Like, speak of the devil and here he shall appear.
[Cut to a blue skunk in a black jacket and licking an orange lollipop coming down the street with a confident spring in his step]
Renaldo: Brace yourselves, hottie incoming~
Furrball: O-Oh…
[Johnny Pew makes his entrance by leaning against the fence separating the cafe from the rest of the street]
Johnny: Hello, all you lovely people, here to grace your day with my presence.
Renaldo: My day's already gotten better~
Johnny: [pops his mouth] Well, that's no surprise, it's hard to look away from all this.
Furrball: You're not wrong…
Plucky: Pfft, I've got more to look at.
Buster: [murmurs] Three blues is a bit overkill, wouldn't ya' say?
[Johnny notices Fifi's expression and gives a bemused side-eye at it]
Johnny: Oh hey, biggest fangirl of mine.
Fifi: Bonjour, le plus beau garçon du monde…
Johnny: Le sentiment est réciproque.
Babs: Hold on, since when do you speak French?
Johnny: You could say, like teacher like student, I gradually picked up on it as a second language.
Furrball: Wait a minute, you weren't, oooooooooooooooh…
Renaldo: Pardon my interruption, but I think I'm missing a bit of context here.
Plucky: If you'll excuse the flashback, it happened way back after the Summer Break of '92…or '93, whatever, I try my best to forget that absolute pig stein of a vacation.
Hampton: Uh, P-P-Plucky, I'm right here, ya' know.
Plucky: Hampton, I'm sorry, but there is a reason I stay as far away from that insufferable family of yours. Every single memory of their tone-deaf asses kills me inside! I needed to go to therapy after all that!
Johnny: …Ooooookay, mind gettin' back to the original subject of discussion? AKA, yours truly?
Buster: Believe me when I say it was the strangest thing, and I thought that Cajun gator family was all kinds a' wacko. Either way, Fifi's mentor Mr. Le Pew heard about what happened between her and Johnny and well…you can guess how well that went.
Fifi: I still don't know why he was upset at me.
Johnny: You literally chucked me out of a theater and into the arms of a redheaded demon child, all because I paid attention to another fan.
Fifi: That is not ze full context! I did everything for you, and you didn't even care about me!
Johnny: Hey, toots, I didn't force you to do anything, you went along with whatever I said, and stuffed your arms full when ya' didn't need to. Like, AHEM, that stack a' shit at the theater.
Shirley: Huh, strange, like, she told me you ordered all that food.
Johnny: Are you kiddin' me, I need to watch this figure. She's the one who purchased all that food.
[Shirley gives Fifi an unamused side-eye]
Fifi: Even so, you didn't have to let that bimbette spread herself all over you in front of me.
Johnny: Yeah, because it's not like you got all touchy-feely with me out of nowhere when we finally met. Ever heard of personal space?
Fifi: And another thing, you made me carry all of that stuff to prove myself just because you felt like screwing with me!
Johnny: I'd dealt with all kinds a' fangirls by that point, and I felt like testing them a little bit to see if it'd get them off my back.
Renaldo: [to Fifi] By the way, this really isn't painting you in the ideal light, just so you know.
Fifi: UGH! I cannot believe any of you would take this con artist's side!
[Johnny crunches on the outer shell of the lollipop with indignation]
Johnny: Oh, so I'm a con artist, eh? Let's not forget about the girl who slandered my name for years and her army of virgins ate it up like chocolate.
[Fifi's cheeks grow considerably red upon hearing this]
Fifi: Virgins?!
Shirley: AHEM, uh, Fifi, maybe you wanna take a few breaks?
Fifi: I am not going to take insults from a low rate wannabe! In fact, might I add, that pompadour does not flatter you in the slightest.
Johnny: Girl, you look like a discount plushie from the toy store with that lilac coat.
Plucky: Oooooooooooh, got her ass!
[Babs smacks Plucky on the back of the head]
Plucky: Ow! What was that for?!
Babs: Alright, you two, maybe stop fighting where everyone can see. Seriously, we're starting to draw attention…
[The pink rabbit isn't wrong as the patrons of the cafe are beginning to take notice of the fight, along with several others including Augie Doggie, Doggie Daddy, Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit, Danny, and Sawyer]
Fifi: Let me tell you something, Mr. I'm So Incredible, no one brings anything about you, they only know you from me.
[Fifi meticulously pokes at Johnny's jacket as she emphasizes her point, the blue skunk's scowl deepening further]
Johnny: In that case, it's sad that all that attention is wasted on you, as if you deserve it. Let's make something clear; if you and I switched roles, you'd never hear the end of it, you'd be the one getting all the shit you so rightfully deserve, but because you're an "innocent wittle babygirl", you can just skip over the consequences.
Fifi: Don't you dare use that tone with me.
Johnny: Oh, I will use it, you little shit.
[Fifi grabs Johnny's collar with barely contained rage, the blue skunk tries to remain stoic]
Fifi: If you want me to give you worse than the theater, I will deliver!
[Johnny sneers in response to this]
Johnny: Threats of violence, eh? You really are pathetic.
Buster: Hey, hey, hey, break it up, already!
Calamity: Hooooo, for god's sake, it's always conflict with these people.
Furrball: Guys, please don't.
Dizzy: RACKA, no fighting, RUHU!
Fifi and Johnny: Stay out of this!
?: Both of you, knock it off!
[The Toons turn to see a familiar figure among the crowd with an uncharacteristically agitated expression on his face]
Plucky: [murmuring] Ooooooh, somebody's in trouble.
[Who should join the engagement but Pepe Le Pew as he looks down sternly at the two younger skunks]
Pepe: If the two of you wouldn't mind, I believe I need to have a private conversation with you. If you all shall excuse….
[Fifi and Johnny share a collective gulp at this as they silently follow the elder skunk as everyone clears off or tries to go back to their own business]
Shirley: …Okay, not to state the obvious, buuuuuuuuut that was so awkward.
Furrball: I'm just glad I'm not facing the brunt of it for once…
Plucky: Damn, and I was looking forward to a catfight.
Buster: I had money on Fifi.
[A glare from Babs causes Buster to look away]
[Cut to Pepe having escorted the blue and pink skunks to a more secluded spot as he crosses his arms while retaining a professional air]
Pepe: So, would either of you care to explain why I could hear your voices all ze way from le town center?
Johnny: Don't look at me, this one got all pissy cuz of "the incident."
Fifi: He called anyone who likes me a virgin!
Johnny: Cuz it's the truth, toots.
Fifi: At least people actually like me, when was ze last time anyone liked you unironically?
Pepe: AHEM! Zat is enough insults from either of you! How are you still going on about zat encounter after all this time?
Fifi: It is because he still hasn't apologized for it.
Johnny: I have nothing to apologize for! You overreacted, and you got away with it. If anything, I'm the one who deserves an apology.
Pepe: Let me remind ze both of you what happened when I heard about it. You could have been in a lot of trouble, Fifi, but being ze generous tutor I am, I made my point clear and you understood it, no?
Fifi: I…well, I, I…yes…Monsieur Le Pew…
Pepe: And Johnny, I offered to save you ze trouble of the public wrath by taking you in as a new student. Surely, you know ze way of proper communication, correct?
Johnny: I don't have a silver tongue for nothing…AHEM, I mean…yes, Mr. Le Pew…
Pepe: So, you understand the disappointment I feel seeing the two of you go at it, even after so long. Fifi, you admit you overreacted.
Fifi: But…I was just hurt after he promised to spend time with me…I did everything to please him and then he ignored me…
Pepe: Johnny, you did lead her on a little bit, yes?
Johnny: More like I humored her, because again, when you've dealt with touchy paparazzi like I have, ya' need to have a little fun in messin' with him, and if it gets them off your back, that's a bonus.
Fifi: You could have just said no.
Johnny: And if I did, you would have cried and whined and never let me hear the end of it.
Fifi: Why do you always have to be an insufferable jerk when you talk about it?
Johnny: Oh, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the same girl who threw a hissy fit over me paying attention to another fan and threw me into a literal psychopath. How about you stop acting like a victim and own up?!
Pepe: Hey! What did I just say?
[By this point, Fifi has begun to lose a lot of her composure as tears have welled in her eyes]
Fifi: You don't understand! It's not every day that someone acts like they want to be around me, that they want my attention…
Johnny: Are you seriously pulling the pity party card?
Fifi: I…I…
Pepe: Fifi, are you alright?
[A tear trickles down the girl's face]
Fifi: I know people can't stand me…even if they act like they do, it's hard to be a skunk with so much love to give, yet no one to give it back…I just want someone to love me for me…but I know it is hopeless…that's why your rejection hurt so much…I know I was shallow on the surface, but I care so much for acceptance…even if it's just on my physical attributes…[sniffles]...zat is ze the only reason people care about me to begin with…and I know it…
[Fifi lowers herself to the ground as she begins to cry into her paws. Pepe kneels down to give a gentle pat on his student's shoulder]
Pepe: Shhhhhh, shhshhshh…it is okay, my little lilac…I understand all too well about acceptance…[sighs]...it is a thing that has…evaded me for…various reasons, both in ze past and ze present…
Fifi: But…I thought everyone liked you, or at least, most did…
[Pepe casts a more somber expression to his pupil]
Pepe: It is…difficult to explain…it's something that goes far beyond us…at least, your attributes are recognized in a positive light.
Fifi: [wipes her tears] In a shallow light, more like…you do not have to sugarcoat the truth…
[Johnny looks between Pepe and Fifi and starts to feel guilty from what happened earlier. He still feels justified in what he said, but seeing Fifi in such a depressive state feels…wrong…]
Johnny: Hey, uh…I know I said some things that offended you, but…I…I don't feel good seeing you like this, so…
Fifi: You were right…what sane person would actually like me…I've tricked myself for so long, it's not even funny…
Johnny: Well…sure, that's one way to look at it…but I'm sure there are decent people who like you…I might not be able to name 'em, but if I can be liked, why couldn't you be too?
Fifi: Do…do you really mean that…?
Johnny: Is the sky blue and is Furrball a magent for bad luck?
Fifi: Ah…haha…yeah…
Johnny: Hey…even if I've got my reservations…I'm sorry for seemin' like I was leading you on during our "thing".
Fifi: Oh…[wipes another tear]...that's all I ever wanted to hear…and…I'm sorry I was so…pushy back then…I just wish for someone to love me…for me…
[This time, Johnny is the one to wipe a tear from the violet skunk's cheek, giving a genuine half-lidded smile at her while she stares up at him in surprise]
Johnny: Who says it's too late…we got all the time in the world, don't we?
Fifi: …Thank you.
[Pepe gives a warm smile upon seeing the display before him]
Pepe: Ah…I have taught you well, my dear pupils…you are dismissed…
[Fifi slowly stands up from the ground and turns to her mentor…before silently engulfing him in a bear hug, catching Pepe by surprise, but not unpleasantly as he gives a gentle tap to his protege's back]
[Cut back to Johnny]
Johnny: [thinking] "Let her have this…besides, I got me one ready and waiting…"
[Transition to the Tiny Toons having wrapped up their session at the cafe and are now making their way down the street, passing by Derpy, Doctor Whooves, Lapis, Peridot, and Jasper before coming across Johnny and Fifi, surprisingly enough, having an ice cream cone each]
Plucky: …Okay, either I've gone mental, or those two aren't at each other's throats.
Renaldo: Hold on, I need to check if Arnold's got a proper frame…
[Renaldo turns around and quickly scrolls through the pictures on his phone, giving a sigh of relief to see the Austrian pitbull retaining a physical appearance that actually contains a waistline]
Renaldo: Hooooo, thank god…
Babs: Well, good to see you two've moved on from potentially tearing each other apart.
Shirley: Aaaaaah, got ice cream for a pretty girl?
Johnny: I was feelin' generous, believe it or not. It don't mean anything between us, just…it's better than fighting.
Fifi: I couldn't agree more…this is better…
[On that note, the Toons begin to split up as Fifi goes along with Babs and Shirley to the other side of the street, Buster, Plucky, and Hampton head off to the right while Furrball, Calamity, and Dizzy head off to the left, leaving Johnny with Renaldo]
Renaldo: Hope she didn't give you too much trouble back there.
Johnny: Nothing I couldn't handle…you want a lick?
Renaldo: You even need to ask?
[Johnny hands Renaldo his ice cream and the raccoon takes a lick from it before his phone suddenly rings. He picks it up, looks down at the contact, presses the icon and holds it to his ear]
Renaldo: Yellooooooooooo~
Arnold: [V.O.] Hey, you pretty boys coming ova' or what?
Renaldo: Oh? And what might the occasion be?
[Cut to Arnold within his own room as the pitbull is currently doing bench presses while his phone is off to the side]
Arnold: You won't wanna miss dis gun show, plus, I'm in need of an audience.
Renaldo: Oh yes, dear sweet Arnold…you really need the attention, don't you?~
Arnold: I know you get off to it, so hurry your asses over here.
Renaldo: Hmmhmm, see ya' in a bit~ [presses the call off] So, you hungry for a little beefcake?
Johnny: Honestly, after the day I've had, couldn't agree more.
Renaldo: Awwww, don't worry, I'll take real good care of you when we get back.
Johnny: I'll hold ya' to it.
[On that note, Johnny and Renaldo turn on their heels and head off]
[Cut to Pepe sitting on a bench with a cup of coffee under his muzzle…he sighs]
Pepe: Ironic…
[Cut to black]
Character Guide:
Johnny Pew, Fifi La Fume, Renaldo Raccoon, Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny, Plucky Duck, Hampton J. Pig, Furrball, Calamity Coyote, Dizzy Devil, Shirley Loon, Arnold the Pitbull, Elmyra Duff - Tiny Toons Adventure / Looniversity
Pepe Le Pew - Looney Tunes
Tom Cat, Jerry Mouse - Tom and Jerry
Anastasia Tremaine, Drizella Tremaine - Cinderella (1950)
Augie Doggie, Doggie Daddy - Augie Doggie and Doggie Daddy
Bob, Wendy, Scoop, Muck, Lofty, Dizzy, Roley - Bob the Builder
Danny Cat, Sawyer Cat, Darla Dimple - Cats Don't Dance (1997)
Derpy Hooves, Doctor Whooves - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Johnny Bravo - Johnny Bravo
Numbuh One (Nigel Uno), Numbuh Two (Hoagie P. Gilligan), Numbuh Three (Kuki Saban), Numbuh Four (Wallabee Beetles), Numbuh Five (Abigail Lincoln) - Codename:
Kids Next Door
Peridot, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper - Steven Universe
Rita, Georgette - Oliver and Company (1988)
Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit - Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Sagwa Miao, Sheegwa Miao, Dongwa Miao, Mama Miao, Baba Miao - Sagwa the Chinese Siamese Cat
Samurai Jack - Samurai Jack
Scooby-Doo, Shaggy Rogers, Daphne Blake, Velma Dinkley, Fred Jones, Scrappy-Doo - Scooby-Doo
Sly Cooper, Bentley Turtle, Murray Hippo - Sly Cooper
Timmy Turner, Cosmo, Wanda - Fairly Oddparents
Henry, Hiro, Rebecca, Paxton, Bear - Thomas and Friends / The Railway Series