-Chapter 48-
Beach Boulder Bozos
Easton
On the outskirts of the Easton Kingdom, Tatanga's ship landed, the evil general disembarking. The Kaiuchuuan had just heard of Totahmet and Zamasu's defeats and needed to regroup with his other generals. Fortunately, he'd caught wind that Trompal had assembled his people for a 'meet', no doubt to form some kind of strategy to deal with Daisy and her new, pesky friends.
"Trompal! I need to speak with you."
He blinked, looking around. Trompal and the Moe-Eyes were nowhere to be found.
"Trompal! Where are you!?" Still nothing; he let out an annoyed growl. "What the flargh is going on here? I specifically told him I was arriving at..."
"WOOOOOOO!"
Tatanga turned toward the ocean and nearly fell over. Trompal and several Moe-Eyes were surfing, a huge crowd of the living statues cheering as others barbequed and mingled and played games such as volleyball. Tatanga could feel his eye twitching. This wasn't a strategy meeting, they were having a beach party!
"Alright, dudes and dudettes, check this out!" Trompal performed multiple tricks on his board, the crowd going wild, chanting his name as he rode back to shore.
"Ahhh... my peeps."
"TROMPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!"
"Huh?" It was then that he saw his guest… his very irate guest.
"Whooooa! Hey there, General Tango, dude!"
"That's General Tatanga!"
"Oh... sorry, brah." Trompal perked. "Ooh! Ya want some kebab, man?"
He offered Tatanga some grilled kebab, only for the general to slap it out of his hand.
"What the kriff do you think you're doing?!"
"What? We're having a beach party, unwindin'. What's your deal?"
"My 'deal' is that those Mario Bros. and Princess Daisy have liberated Zamasu and Muda!"
Trompal blinked. "Huh? Really? When did that happen?"
"Over a day ago! And they're on their way here now!"
"Like, right now?" He sagged in disappointment. "Bummer..."
Tatanga gritted his teeth. "Yes. 'Bummer...' That's two kingdoms they've taken down. And if you know what's good for you, I suggest you and the rest of the Moe-Eyes get off your lazy, rocky rumps and deal with them."
"Right! Don't you worry, we'll get Princess Buzzkill and her Lame-O Patrol faster than you can say Cowabunga, General Tangelo, dude!"
As he and the Moe-Eyes stomped off, Tatanga facepalmed in annoyance
"I'm surrounded by idiots…"
A haughty chuckle reached his ears. "They are, aren't they?"
Tatanga turned to see a lone figure in a silken cloak walking out behind a palm tree.
"And who are you supposed to be?"
"Call me Paida… Sue Paida. And let's just say… I have a proposition for you... General Tatanga."
Tatanga tilted his head. "I'm listening."
Marine Pop
The assembled group sat in the cockpit as Sebas and Daisy detailed their information on the Easton Kingdom.
"Alright, gang, listen up!" Daisy began. "We're heading off to the Easton Kingdom, Trompal's territory. I won't lie to you, this battle is gonna be…unpredictable."
"Unpredictable, how?" Mario asked.
"Due to Trompal's… how do I put this? Disposition, this battle will either be extremely easy… or impossibly difficult," Sebas clarified.
"His disposition being?" Luigi asked, motioning for them to continue.
"Beach bum," Daisy and Sebas intoned together, causing everyone to pause.
"Beach bum?" Luigi repeated.
"Beach bum," Daisy tri-peated. "Trompal and the Moe-Eyes are a bunch of party animals. Most days, they're more likely to be chilling on the beach, surfing, barbequing, or just goofing off."
"To the exclusion of all else," Sebas chimed in.
"How did someone like that become a king?" Mario asked incredulously.
"Well, according to Koopapedia, of all the Four Kingdoms, Easton has the fewest wars and conflicts," MP explained, looking through her phone. "Combine that with a lush, tropical environment, mostly calm weather, and an abundance of natural resources, and Trompal and his people would be set for life."
"Bingo." Daisy nodded.
Mario leaned over his sister's shoulder, looking at her screen. "What's Koopapedia?"
"Iggy set it up so I'd have easy access to… just about anything I might want to know. Though sometimes, Roy and Lemmy screw with some of the pages. Last week, they put down something about Kamek and Kammy's relationship being… incestuous."
Mario winced. "Gross."
"In retaliation, Kammy put down that only Junior was the legit child and the rest of the Koopalings were just minions."
"Anyway…" Daisy intoned before getting everyone back on track, "the worst they have to deal with are obnoxious tourists, and they're strong enough to hurl them back to their cruise ships… Quite literally."
"Sounds like this adventure's in the bag then!" Mario replied happily.
"Not quite…" Sebas said. "You see…"
"Sorry to interrupt," ROB cut in. "But we have reached the Easton Kingdom waters and are ready to set out."
"Excellent!" Mario cheered.
"Fare thee well, friends!" E. Gadd called out with a wave. "See you when you save Trompal."
"Ohhhh no!" Daisy cut in, grabbing the professor by the scruff of his neck. "Sebas, you watch Peach. Doc, you're coming with us."
"I beg your pardon!? I am a scientist, not some grunt on the ground like those two!" he protested, pointing to the Mario Bros.
"Hey!" the Bros. both retaliated in unison.
Daisy gave him a deadpan glare. "You really think I'd leave you alone with my sister just so you can concoct one of your crazy 'scientific' rituals on her again? No freakin' way."
"What? You don't trust me?"
"Why would I? You've made it clear that you're a senile, amoral crackpot."
"That's-!" E. Gadd began before thinking for a moment. "Alright, that's a fair point. But!" He hopped out of his chair. "Let us not dally a moment longer! It's time to disembark! ROB! Prepare the People-Pulter!"
"Preparing People-Pulter."
ROB immediately got to work, pressing a series of buttons on the Pop's computer console.
"People-Pulter?" MP asked as Mario and Luigi both stiffened.
"Oh, no…" Mario let out.
"Not again!" Luigi screamed.
"What? What's it do!?" Daisy demanded.
"It 'pults' people," Mario replied.
"It's a human cannonball machine," Luigi clarified. "It's… how he got us into Bowser's Castle in Dimble Wood."
"Cannonball!?"
"People-Pulter preparations complete," ROB replied.
"Then prepare for pulting!" E. Gadd cried out.
"What?!" MP shrieked. "I'm not gonna be shot out of a cannon by this lunatic-!"
Gadd held up a remote control, pressing a red button. "You can shut up now!"
A hatch opened up beneath MP's feet, dropping her down with a yelp.
"Mips!" Mario cried out, only for a hatch to open under him as well.
"Nonononononononononoooooooooooo…!" Luigi cried out as he too was dropped.
"E. Gadd, you little, wrinkled sunnuva…!" That was all Daisy had time to say before she went down the hatch.
"Princess!" Sebas cried out.
"Worry not, Sebas, old bean!" E. Gadd assured. "The People-Pulter is perfectly safe."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course!" E. Gadd chuckled. "Although, the last time we used it, the targeting system bugged out and sent Mario and Luigi flying into the wall of Bowser's Castle… heh heh heh… oh well! Down the hatch!"
With that, a hatch opened beneath him, dropping him in.
"Wait, hold on!" Sebas screamed. "You can't just-!"
"Enough talk!" E. Gadd called out from below. "Ready… aim… PULT!"
-X-
Outside, a hatch opened up on top of the now-surfaced Marine Pop, revealing a large cannon on a rotating platform. After turning a few degrees, the cannon's fuse spontaneously ignited, and once it burned out…
BOOM!
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The heroes were pulted into the sky towards a nearby tropical island, where they landed safely, smoothly, and…
CRASH!
…in a heap.
"HuzzaaaAAAaah!" E. Gadd exclaimed in a daze, his glasses askew. "The People-Pulter woooorRRrrrRrRrks!"
"Tell that to my spine, and ribs… and everything else," Mario wheezed as he sat up, dusting himself off. "Ow…"
"E. Gadd…" Daisy gritted out. "I swear, if you weren't our only way of getting around right now, I'd throttle you!"
Luigi pulled his head out of the sand, spitting out a mouthful before looking around. "Wait… where's Mips?!"
A shadow fell over them. They all looked up to see it was MP gently floating down, clutching onto the straps of a blue-and-white striped parachute extending from the shell of the Soopa Suit.
"Hey guys!" she called out as she landed.
"Mips" Mario cried out in relief.
"Hey, wait! When did she get a parachute!?" Luigi demanded.
Just then, something on her left forearm beeped. Perking, she popped open a panel to reveal a holographic Iggy.
"Hey Mips, it's Iggy," his voice came, clearly pre-recorded. "If you're getting this message, you've been launched into the air, or thrown/fallen off another beanstalk/similarly gigantic building/structure and triggered the new Paraglider Mode. I added it in after your little… incident in Giant Land. Woulda gone with full-on flight, but…"
There was an explosion in the background, followed by Lemmy's voice yelling "I'm okay!", followed by Kieran shouting "I'm not!"
"Yeeeeeeah…" the inventor Koopa Prince continued, smiling nervously before clearing his throat. "Anyway, I gotta give Lemmy his meds and scrape Kieran off the floor again. Good luck and make sure to hit the retract button!"
A small panel next to the hologram projector snapped open with a big red button that read "retract."
"Nifty. Thanks, Iggy." She hit the button, the parachute retracting into her suit like a tape measure going back into its case.
"Lucky…" Mario groused.
"Hey Mips, any chance you could snag one of those for us?" Luigi asked.
"Sorry, Lu, one of the terms of the deal I have with Bowser," MP apologized. "I leak the Soot's tech, and he…goes full scorched earth on the Mushroom Kingdom."
Luigi gulped, chuckling nervously. "Well… we can't have that, can we?"
"Seriously…" Daisy shook her head. "This old coot's rapid deployment system is a frickin' cannon?"
"Oh, what did you expect?" E. Gadd shot back.
"I dunno, a rowboat? A mini-sub? A freakin' teleporter!?"
"Teleporter?" E. Gadd burst into laughter. "I don't have a teleporter! What do you think this is, some silly video game world?"
"Okay, cool it!" Mario cut in. "Yes, it sucked, but it got us where we need to be."
Daisy let out a sigh. "Fine. But this isn't over."
"I'll take it. Now, which way is Trompal's castle?"
"Uh… Mario?" Luigi pointed ahead. "I'd say it's about ten, eleven feet in front of us."
They followed Luigi's finger, seeing he was pointing to a giant sandcastle…complete with shell decorations and a massive shovel sticking out of the tower.
"You've gotta be kidding me," MP let out. "That's where he lives?"
"Toldja, beach bum," Daisy replied plainly.
"Okay, I know this is a crazy, magic mushroom world, but is this for real!?" Luigi asked.
"Yes." Daisy nodded. "The thing about Trompal is… he's…"
Just then, a chorus of loud, buzzing trumpets blared out, prompting the heroes to look up. Trompal and several Moe-Eyes were standing atop the ramparts, several of them blowing what appeared to be…
"Are… are those vuvuzelas?" Mario asked.
"You mean those kazoo-horn thingamajigs they play at soccer games?" Luigi asked. "Then yes, they are."
"Attention, Buzzkills!" Trompal declared. "You are... errr...traspessing on Moe-Eye turf and… err…uhh… bein' total Shoobies! Soooooo… unless you wanna get whomped most righteously, pack it up and schmooz on outta here!"
"Trompal!" Daisy cried.
"That's King Trompal to you, dudette," he replied coldly. "You ain't cool no more."
MP blinked in confusion. "Is this guy really a king? Or just some stoner lifeguard?"
Mario shrugged. "I don't see the two as mutually exclusive, honestly."
"Yeah, not only is Trompal a total beach bum, he's…" Daisy sighed. "He's dumb…like, really, really, REEEEEALLY dumb."
"Last warning, Buzzkills! Turn around and walk away, or else!"
"Or else what?" Mario asked rhetorically.
At that, a sizable rock came flying in, hitting a wall mere inches from Mario's head with enough force to shatter to pieces on impact. Everyone yelped.
"Chillax, that was just a warning shot. I was only sending a message," Trompal picked up another big rock. "This one, though…"
He hefted the heavy boulder he'd produced right at the heroes.
"HEADS UP!" Luigi shouted, prompting everyone to scatter just as it was about to crush them, leaving behind an impressive crater.
"Holy-!" MP's exclamation was cut off by a whooping from one of the Moe-Eye.
"Yeah, another about Trompal, he's not just really, REALLY dumb, but really, REALLY strong!" Daisy cried out.
"So, little dudes, you gonna do what I said and leave, or am I gonna have to get rough?"
"Little dude?!" Mario repeated, moving to the front of the group. "Come down here and say that to my face, ya granite-brained hippie!"
At that, Trompal leaped from the ramparts, landing in front of the heroes. He literally towered over them, looking down and adjusting his sunglasses.
"Little. Dude," he repeated coldly, looking Mario right in the eyes.
Mario swallowed nervously. "Ahhh… thank you… I didn't hear it the first time. Hear you now, errrr… dude?"
Trompal merely grunted. "Moe-Eyes?" He slowly raised his hand, then thrust it in the air, performing metal horns. "Rock their worlds!"
"GNARRRRRLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
At that, the Moe-Eyes immediately began hurling down rocks from above. There were so many, they practically blotted out the sun.
"Oh my…" E. Gadd let out.
"Mario, Princess, I think it's a good time for a tactical retreat," Luigi calmly stated, despite his shaking knees and gratuitous sweating.
"Yeah, not a bad idea," Daisy agreed. "RUN!"
The group immediately took off running, covering their heads as rocks rained down on them like meteorites.
"Yeeeeeeah!" Trompal cheered. "Hit 'em hard! No one stops the party, ya!"
"Guys, we gotta get outta here!" Luigi cried out. "Head back to the Marine Pop and regroup!"
"We can't!" E. Gadd replied frantically. "It's too far out!"
"Well, we gotta go somewhere!"
Daisy looked around, trying to find something they could use. "Over there!" She pointed ahead to a small cave near the coast. Without hesitation, the heroes ducked inside, just in time to avoid a rock shaped curiously like a Moe-Eye…
"Dude, how did I get here?" the actual Moe-Eye asked before walking off back to the castle.
"Alright, brahs!" Trompal shouted. "Princess Buzzkill and her cronies are gonzo! You know what that means, right?"
The Moe-Eyes paused for a moment, quietly thinking over what it meant for a few seconds. Then ten seconds… fifteen… twenty… thirty… fifty… one minute…
"Uhhhhh… what does it mean?" one of them asked.
"It means party time!" Trompal declared.
"PARTY TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!"
At that, Trompal and Moe-Eyes went back into the castle, which was immediately filled with the sounds of merriment and loud music. Not noticing the spacecraft hovering above them.
"Are they serious!?" Tatanga demanded. "They have Daisy and her meddlesome cohorts cornered and they're just letting them go!?"
"From the looks of it, I'd say they are," Sue Paida replied.
Tatanga screamed, slamming his fists into the console.
"You know, you could just go there and finish them off yourself, General."
"That's not the point!" Tatanga shouted. "Yes, I could finish Daisy off myself, I could end her game faster than you could say 'blarf'. But I need one of those four idiots to do it."
"Becaaaaause…?" Sue asked, urging him to continue.
"Because I said so, that's why!" he snapped.
"Right…" Sue nodded, unconvinced. "Well, since the rock heads proved to be a bust, then I guess this means you'll accept my offer?"
Tatanga looked at Sue, who gave him a mischievous grin, one that promised nothing but trouble… hopefully for Daisy.
-X-
Meanwhile, the heroes ducked inside the nearby cave, allowing them to catch their breath. While there, Luigi turned to Mario in irritation.
"You just had to egg Trompal on, didn't you?" Luigi remarked.
"He... didn't look so big from where we were standing," Mario reasoned.
"Yeah! That's how eyesight works! Distance means smaller!"
"Alright, already. So I underestimated him. Sue me."
"Will both of you focus?" Daisy snapped. "What's done is done, so all we can do now is figure out where to go from here."
"What we need is a hammer," E. Gadd suggested. "A big one."
"Mips?" Mario asked.
MP rummaged through her bag, pulling out various items. A full set of balloon tires, a ? Block, then for some reason, she dug deeper and pulled out a full-grown elephant that trumpeted.
"Whoa!" she exclaimed, stuffing it back in. "How'd that get in there?"
She dug some more, pulling out stuff like a blender, a coffee table, even a ship's anchor.
"Oh, thank you," E. Gadd took the anchor. "I was looking for this."
Rolling her eyes, MP put her hand back in before pulling out… a set of green boxers with the letter L printed all over them.
"A-are those…?" Daisy began.
"Wha?!" Luigi let out, snatching the pair away. "How did those get in there?
"My question is why I pulled them out." MP lifted her whole bag. "Isn't this thing supposed to be, like, context-sensitive? Providing me what I need when I…"
Slowly, she turned to her brother.
"Be honest… did you soil yourself when those rocks were thrown at us?"
"No!" Luigi protested before going silent.
Everyone just kept staring at him until he darted behind a nearby rock. Deciding to ignore him for the time being, MP reached in one last time. When she did, she somehow managed to pull out an entire industrial-sized grill, like one you'd find in an outdoor kitchen.
"Okay, that thing's got to be defective," Mario groused. "How is a grill gonna help us snap Trompal out of his brainwashing?!"
MP stared at the grill, taking a look at the items she had been given. Curious, she hit the ? Block, watching as it spat out a wrench. She caught it in hand, then grinned.
"It may not help with the brainwashing, but it will get us into that castle." She twirled the wrench in her hand, beginning to loosen the normal tires on the grill. "Come give me a hand with this thing."
"What's the plan?" Mario asked.
"Take a page from my favorite YouTube musical."
"Wicked?" Mario asked.
"No."
"Beetlejuice?" Luigi called out.
"No…"
"I like the one about the cats," E. Gadd said. "But I can't for the life of me remember the name."
MP glared. "Ignoring that."
"Avenue Q?" Mario tried again.
"Ugh…Epic!"
"Oh right! The Greek myth one."
Luigi came back out from behind the rock, adjusting his overalls. "If it's supposed to be what we need when we need it, what was all that other stuff?"
"Well, the ? block gave me a wrench, the sand tires we need so this thing can travel across the beach." MP paused. "As for the elephant…"
"Comic relief?" Mario suggested. "After what happened in Zamasu's kingdom, it was… kinda needed."
MP thought for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, it's as good an explanation as any."
Later...
High atop the ramparts of Easton Castle, a pair of Moe-Eyes - bedecked with blonde and black wigs right out of a 1980s slacker comedy movie - looked out on the horizon as they kept their ever watchful vigil over the beach.
"Dude, Keanu, I am so bored…" the blonde one replied. "I can't wait for our shift to be over so we can join the party."
The black-wigged Moe-Eye - who was apparently named Keanu - just stood there, staring vacantly into the distance.
"Keanu? Keanu!" his partner called out. "Dude, whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"
"Alex, there's somethin' I need to know," Keanu finally spoke up.
"Yah man, what's up?"
Keanu slowly turned to Alex, his expression as grim and stony as his body. "What color is an orange?"
Alex blinked behind his sunglasses. "Whuh?"
"What color is an orange, Alex!? It's driving me crazy! I have to know!"
"Keanu, my distinguished colleague, an orange is orange. Its name is the same as its color. Just like a lemon."
"Ahhhhhh…" Keanu nodded in understanding. "Thank you, Alex. Wherever would we be without your vast wisdom?"
"Without my what?" Alex replied vacantly.
"Huh?" Keanu replied, equally vacant. "What were we talkin' about?"
Before they could continue, the tranquility of the beach was utterly destroyed by the clanging and clashing of metal on metal.
CLANG-CLANG-CLANG!
CLASH-CLASH-CLASH!
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"Dude, what the heck was that!?" Alex cried out.
"I dunno, dude, but it's loud!" Keanu replied.
And it only got louder as more and more sounds joined the cacophony.
ba-CHUNK! ba-CHUNK! ba-CHUNK!
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!
MRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOW!
"AAAAggggghhh!" (1)
"Yeesh…" Keanu winced. "Poor kitty."
"Dudes!" Trompal shouted as he made his way up to the ramparts. "What is going on out there!?"
"Not sure, Your Royal Dudeness!" Keanu replied.
"We were just… y'know, lookin' out at the… big, pool of water for… bad dudes and…stuff, when all of a sudden things just… BANG! BOOM! JDIAWEIFAWEADWUEWODJDLKSAUHSKFFALDTDGIR!"
Suddenly, the noises stopped and all was silent once again.
"AAAAAnd now it's not," Alex continued.
"Dudes, what if that was those cave monsters back for revenge!?" Keanu suggested fearfully.
"No way, Keanu, the cave monsters are gonzo," Alex pointed out. "It was probably Daisy and her lame-o patrol."
"I'll check," Trompal replied as he looked over the edge. "Hey! Who's out there makin' noises!? Is that you, Princess Buzzkill!?"
"Nooooooooooo it's nooooot!" Daisy shouted back.
"See? Nothin' to worry about!" Trompal replied happily.
As soon as he was done, more noises reached their ears. This time, the sound of squeaky wheels approaching the castle.
"Now what?" Trompal demanded irritably.
"Your Dudeness, look!" Alex shouted, pointing downward, several other Moe-Eyes joining them. As soon as they did, their eyes went wide.
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude…" they all let out.
"What is that?" one Moe-Eye asked.
"It's fire from the Overthere," Trompal replied.
"It's nectar from Olympus," Alex added.
"It's the lush cornucopia, here to bless us with its generous, never-ending bounty," Keanu threw in.
"It's a Deluxe Flame-O-Rama Outdoor Party Grill!"
Yes indeed, the Deluxe Flame-O-Rama Outdoor Party Grill. On the outside, it looked like your ordinary backyard barbecue machine. But anyone who knew Flame-O-Rama knew it was so much more than that. It was a grillmaster's dream come true, able to turn any patio into a gourmet grillery/hibachi/teppanyaki restaurant thanks to its interchangeable griddles, durable Nintendium frame, and a special blend of poppy-tulip Fire Flower nectar fuel! And it was just standing right there. Unguarded. Unattended. Unexplained. It could only mean one thing…
"Alex? Keanu?" Trompal whispered. "Sound the party horns."
"EXCELLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT!"
The vuvuzelas sounded once more as a crowd of hooting and hollering Moe-Eyes burst out of the castle, wheeling the grill inside… completely oblivious to its true purpose.
-X-
Inside the grill…
"Un. Believable," MP groused. "I know I should be happy that my plan is working, but… they didn't suspect anything for a second!"
"To be fair, Greece or Troy isn't on the map in this world," Luigi offered.
"Still! You… You'd think a huge, super-expensive piece of cookware just magically appearing out of nowhere would at least make them a little suspicious."
"Isn't that how we got the darn thing in the first place?" E. Gadd queried.
"Not. Helping. Professor," Mario said as he massaged his temples.
Daisy cleared her throat. "Forgetting Trompal's stupidity, this is a really good plan, Mary Pat! Whadja say it was again?"
"Trojan Grill," MP explained. "Back in our world, there's a story about how an army built a giant, hollow wooden horse and hid inside it to infiltrate their enemies' city."
"And you got this from a musical?"
"A musical based on a really old story. The greatest Epic in history."
"I see…" Daisy nodded. "So, what's Step Two?"
"Well, now that they've taken us inside, all we gotta do is wait until nightfall, when they've all partied themselves out," MP continued. "Then, we sneak out, creep out, and -" the muffled shouts of the partying Moe-Eyes drowned out her next word. "- up!"
"Seriously!?" Daisy groaned. "That's gonna take forever!"
"It won't be so bad," Luigi reassured. "We just gotta find ways to kill time."
Gadd tapped his chin, a pensive look on his face when suddenly, he snapped his fingers in inspiration. "I know! Let's go around and tell deeply invasive and personal stories about our pasts! I'll go first. I–MPH!"
"Anyone else?" Daisy asked as she headlocked the professor, covering his mouth.
"I might have one," Mario volunteered. "Some... horror stories about how the three of us first learned how to cook.
"Oh boy," Luigi let out nervously. "Those were dangerous times. Especially because Mario almost always cooked the kind of meals he likes."
"Is he that bad?" Daisy asked.
"Ehhh… not bad, per se… He just has an... unusual palate."
"I prefer to think of it as refined," Mario scoffed.
"Pickle relish on ice cream with fried onions for garnish," MP replied bluntly.
Daisy just sat there, her brain lagging as she processed what she'd just heard. "Wait, what?"
"Garlic cookies," Luigi chimed in.
"Peppermint pizza," MP added.
"Pepperoni cheesecake."
"Mozzarella milkshake."
"Mushroom and jelly. And those are all off the tops of our heads."
"Alright, guys, stop!" Mario pleaded. "You're making me hungry."
"Seriously?" Daisy asked, getting nods from both Luigi and MP.
"And that's why he's banned from cooking family meals," the latter replied flatly.
Daisy's eyebrow twitched. "Dude, what is wrong with you!?"
Mario shrugged. "Hey, I'm not the only person who has out there food combo cravings."
"Yeah, but you're not pregnant or high," Luigi pointed out.
"Though, given where you're from, I guess it makes sense for you," MP mused.
"Pretty sure that's a him thing…" Daisy sighed. "Then again, Mom had some odd tastes of her own. She used to dip mushrooms in maple syrup, her favorite lunch was peanut butter and salami on white bread, and her favorite snack was Chocos (2) dunked in apple juice."
"Those all sound great," Mario replied, licking his lips.
Luigi, on the other hand, was turning as green as his cap.
"It always grossed Peach, Aqua, and me out..." Daisy continued, a wistful look coming over her. "But, that's also something we loved about her…"
Realizing they were bringing down the mood, Mario decided to change the subject. "A-Anyway… far as the rest of us goes, Luigi's pretty normal food-wise. Mips does most of the cooking at home. Though, it was a little rough starting out."
"A little!?" Luigi replied. "She triggered the smoke alarm!"
"It was one time!" MP snapped defensively.
"And that one time barbequed your hands!"
MP pulled her hands closer, prompting Daisy to look at them. Like her brothers, she wore gloves, though hers were fingerless and black.
"Wait… you barbecued your hands?" Daisy asked,
A moment passed before MP raised a hand, tugging off one glove to reveal her hands bore old, faded burn scars.
"Second-degree burns from attempting to make risotto," she explained. "I… got careless with the pan and splashed it all over my hands."
"Ouch…" Daisy winced.
"Yeah…" Luigi continued sympathetically. "The kitchen was on fire when we woke up, and we ran her to the doctor. It wasn't too bad, she still had full mobility, but she had to keep her whole hands wrapped up and wear gloves to keep her from picking and scratching at it." He mimed scratching his own hands to illustrate his point. "She really hated wearing them. Said it made her look like one of those stupid, goofy-looking, old cartoon characters, and not in a fun way." Luigi paused for a moment, then clapped. "So… Mario and I started wearing gloves too, to help her feel more comfortable about it."
"And when we took over the workshop, it became our trademark," Mario said with a smile. "Plumbers wearing white gloves really helped Super Mario Bros. Plumbing stand out."
Luigi nodded. "And we've never gone back since!"
MP smiled. "I'm lucky to have you guys in my corner."
"You are..." Daisy nodded, her expression turning to one of sadness… and strangely enough, guilt. "I… I wish me and Peach were that close…"
Everyone turned to her as she sighed, looking up.
"My whole life, I've always felt like second fiddle to Peach. Like she was... Dad's better princess, the better daughter, the better… everything. He gave her the main kingdom to watch over, everyone loved her. I'm just 'the other kid who gets angry and hits things.'"
"I-I'm sure Peach doesn't see it that way, nobody does!" Luigi assured.
"Really?" Daisy sighed, leaning back. "Dad put me in charge of Sarasaland to learn cooperation, and what do I do? I open things up for Tatanga to turn everyone against me, and kick-start a civil war in Muda. Totahmet and the others were right… I suck."
"That's not true, at all!" Luigi countered.
"Well... Mario began, only to be shut up by an elbow from MP, allowing Luigi to continue.
"I mean, yeah, you can be a bit... aggressive, and you don't always think things through. But you only fight so hard because you care about your kingdom and its people. You might not be perfect, but you're a good princess, Daisy."
Daisy winced, remembering the bill she let slip past her, and all the other times she was negligent and lazy. "Yeah... while pawning paperwork and bills off on Sebas or whoever else was around."
Luigi winced. "W-Well… like I said, not perfect. There's room for… improvement, which you're clearly willing to do. Everyone makes mistakes, Daisy. But you can learn from them and be better."
"I just…" Daisy sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand. "I don't think it's going to be enough this time. I... I gotta be honest... I think..."
She was cut off by frantic muffled grunts from E. Gadd, whose mouth was still being held shut.
"Oh, for the love of…" Daisy growled as she released him from her grip, angry at the little, old man for ruining the moment. "What is it!?"
"Is it me or is it getting hot in here!?" the professor shouted.
The heroes paused. Now that he mentioned it, it was starting to get a little warm there. Then, it started to get toasty. It also looked a little brighter too, which was weird, because whoever heard of lights inside a…?
"Oh…" MP perked. "Oh, nuts… we're in a GRILL! THEY'RE WARMING IT UP!"
"Everybody out!" Mario shrieked. "Now!"
He threw open the lid, everyone scrambling out. As they panted, Daisy scowled, whirling on MP.
"Using a grill to break into the castle of a bunch of barbeque-crazy bums and expect them to not immediately use it?!" she screamed. "That was a horrible plan! What the hell were you thinking?!"
"Hey, I didn't see you objecting or coming up with any alternatives!" MP shot back.
Gadd cleared his throat. "Well, actually-"
"Not you!" everyone shot out.
"Besides, they shouldn't have been able to light it in the first place! I took out the propane!"
"Uhhhh… Mips?" Luigi pointed to under the grill, revealing that the Moe-Eyes had decided to warm up the grill… by setting a campfire.
Nobody said a word. They just gave a look of annoyance.
"That is NOT on me!" MP shouted.
"Ahem!"
They perked, turning to see they were surrounded by the Moe-Eyes, all glaring at them.
"Right, they're still partying," Daisy remembered.
"Shoulda known it was too good to be true," Keanu said. "Princess Buzzkill and her mooks were hidin' in our new grill!"
"Bogus," Alex chimed in.
Trompal stepped forward, shaking his head. "Shoulda stayed in the cave, Princess. Now…" He punched into his fist. "We gotta mess you up good."
"Not a chance!" Daisy declared. "We beat Totahmet and survived one of the biggest Dry Spells in Sarasaland history! There's no way we're losing to a bunch of whacked-out surfer blockheads like you!" She took a moment to clear her throat, remembering Trompal wasn't in his right mind. "No offense."
"None taken," Alex replied. "It's totally 500% true."
"Still gonna wail on you though," Keanu continued.
"Enough with the talk!" Trompal ordered. "Mike! Dana! Background music!"
"EXCELLENT!"
Their attention turned to another pair of wigged Moe-Eyes - one long and blonde with glasses, the other black with a cap - on a stage with a guitar and drumset, which they began to rock out on.
"Seriously!?" Luigi cried out in disbelief. "They actually have guys to play fight music for them!?"
Mario shrugged. "Eh, why not have a beat to beat these guys too?"
"Alright, fellow Moe-Eye dudes!" Trompal declared with a grin. "Let's kick some flowery, buzzkill bu-HUUUUUUUUUUUT!"
With a rowdy cry of "BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!" the Moh-Eye horde surged forth like the crashing waves they rode.
"Mips, you got that hammer yet?" Mario asked.
MP rummaged through her bag but only pulled out a ship's anchor. "That's a big no."
"Keep looking…" Mario instructed. "The rest of you, find something, anything to beat them over the head with and beat the sense back into them! Let's-a go!"
With that, the group charged themselves, Mario taking point. The Moe-Eye attempted to swarm him, only to fall over themselves when he leaped over them with all the agility and speed worthy of his nickname "Jumpman". He then proceeded to land on another Moe-Eye's head, vaulting off of it.
"Oof!" and another…
"Ow!" and another…
"Ouch!" "Ee!" "Oomph!" "Ow!" "Oh!"
And then more.
"Alright…" he thought. "While the others deal with the horde, I'll take care of Trompal. The sooner we can end this, the better."
-X-
"Hiiiiiii-YA!"
Daisy thrust her leg forward, striking a Moe-Eye square in the forehead, causing him to fall over with a low groan. She'd found herself surrounded by an army of Moe-Eyes, each one trying to take her down… trying being the key phrase.
"That's eight."
A pair of Moe-Eye charged at her from the side, prompting her to bean him right in the jaw, followed by his partner.
"That's ten."
Loud tromping noises and droning screams greeted her ears as a whole slew of Moe-Eyes rushed her from all sides. Thinking quickly, Daisy jumped into the air…
"Uh-oh!"
…allowing them all to crash into each other, knocking them out.
"And that makes twenty! Hey Stringbean, what's your KO count at!?"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Daisy looked over her shoulder to find Luigi being held up by a pair of Moe-Eyes… who were carrying him back to the grill.
"Oh no you don't!" she shouted as she ran after them.
"Grilled greens! Grilled greens! Grilled greens!" chanted a crowd.
"No! Not grilled greens!" Luigi pleaded. "You're not supposed to grill greens! Greens taste terrible grilled!"
Just then, the Moe-Eyes stopped, pausing as they took a moment to think (a great endeavor from their complete silence and vacant stares).
"Oh yeah… he's right," one of them said, causing Luigi to let out a sigh of relief. "Let's fry him!"
"YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!"
"Noooooohohohooooooo!"
"Only thing getting fried here is your stone butts!"
"Huh?"
"Hiiiii-YAA!"
Daisy did a flying kick right into one of the Moe-Eyes carrying Luigi, causing his partner to accidentally throw him into the air. Without hesitating, Daisy leaped after him, grabbing the younger Mario Bro before landing a few feet away from the swarm of literal rock-heads.
"Phew!" Luigi let out as Daisy set him down.
"No prob," the princess replied.
"Get her!"
The duo then noticed the Moe-Eyes heading right for them.
"Oh no…" Luigi let out.
"Relax," Daisy said, stepping forward as she cracked her knuckles. "I got this."
Daisy let out a warcry as she rushed into the crowd and proceeded to deliver a beatdown so awful, so terrible, so mind-numbingly brutal, that the writers dare not describe it for fear of raising the story's age rating… save the pained cries of the unfortunate victims.
"Ahh-HAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"My leg!"
"BARF!"
"I don't bend that way! I DON'T BEND THAT WAY!"
"Not cool! Not cool!"
''Duuuhuhuhuuuuuuuuude!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"
When the dust settled, there was only Daisy standing among a pile of badly injured, but thankfully alive Moe-Eye.
"That takes care of that," she sighed, dusting her hands off.
"You're a little scary sometimes," Luigi replied.
"Yeah, sorry…" Daisy rubbed the back of her head. "I guess after almost getting crushed, beaten, and cooked alive all in one day, I… kinda have a short fuse." She grimaced. "That and I'm still mad at Doctor von Crackpot."
"Speaking of, where is the Professor?" Luigi asked.
-X-
"Alright, you dim-witted, ten-hanging, spray-tanning, dude-yelling hippies!" E. Gadd loudly declared, his Poltergust ready for action. "You have ten seconds to lay down and surrender, or else you're going to a full-powered blast of Elvin Gadd in your fat faces!"
His warning was met with silence.
"What's wrong? Too terrified to speak are we? Good! That's a sign whatever you pass for grey matter is still functioning!" He cackled maniacally.
While not terrified, the Moe-Eye were… concerned, to say the least. Though, if you were watching a short, balding, old man with a tricked-out vacuum cleaner threatening a bunch of actual rocks, you would probably be concerned too.
"Should we… I dunno, do something?" one Moe-Eye asked.
"Nah, this is funny!" replied another.
-X-
Meanwhile, Mario continued leaping from Moe-Eye to Moe-Eye, each time getting closer and closer to Trompal and the stage he was on.
"Uhhh… Your Dudeness, he's getting closer!" Keanu cried out, prompting their ruler to lift his shades to get a better look.
"What do we do!?" Alex added.
Trompal's eyes narrowed beneath his shades. There was only one thing they could do in a situation like this…
"Time to bring out the secret weapon!" He lowered his shades. "Ready… the Biff Blaster."
Mike and Dana's playing stopped as Keanu and Alex gasped in shock.
"Th-The Biff Blaster!?" Keanu screamed.
"Brah, that's too much!" Alex shrieked.
"Trompal!"
Trompal said nothing as he pointed at the various Moe-Eyes Mario and his friends were beating, their rocky bodies piling up as Mario kept getting closer.
"Biff Blaster, right," Keanu said.
"On it!" Alex replied as he pulled out a remote, pressing the button on it to reveal a trapdoor in the stage, out of which rose a large, black cannon turret.
"Biff Blaster ready, Your Dudeness!" the two rock-heads replied.
"Shhhyeeeeah!" Trompal declared as he hopped into the seat.
"Pssst! Dudes!" Dana whispered to the others. "What's a Biff Blaster?"
"We dunno," they replied as they shrugged.
-X-
"Come on!" MP snapped as she pulled another random object out of her bag. "Where's that stupid hammer!?"
Just then, the music stopped, allowing MP to hear a sound hidden amongst the cacophony of the brawl: the sound of machinery moving.
"What the…?" Turning to the stage, she saw Trompal sitting atop a large black cannon, one she'd seen countless times during her brief stay at Bowser's Castle. At the sight of it, the blood immediately drained from her face.
"Oh-" Whatever she was about to say was cut off by Trompal's elated howl. "Guys! They've got a Bill Blaster!"
"Bill… Blaster?" Luigi asked.
"Cannon that shoots out Bullet Bills! These giant, smiling bullets with enough force to level small houses! Bowser uses them to defend key strongholds! And Trompal's about to use one on Mario!"
"Worse…" Daisy cut in. "That's not a regular Bill Blaster… it's a Biff Blaster."
"Trompal!" Mario called out as he hopped off another Moe-Eye. "If you think some big, fancy cannon's gonna save you, you've got another thing coming!"
"Haw!" Trompal's laugh. "The only thing I got coming is a front-row seat to you goin' BOOM!" He pulled the trigger, launching a grinning bullet with a vicious glare and arms. Thankfully, Mario managed to leap off a Moe-Eye just in time to avoid getting hit.
"Haha! Missed!" he cried out, only to find Trompal grinning wickedly, pointing behind him.
"I'm… guessing those are worse?" Luigi asked worriedly.
"Much worse."
"Daisy, what could be worse than giant, smiling bullets that can blow up small houses in a single shot?" MP asked, dreading the answer.
"They're homing bullets," she explained.
"Eh!?" Mario looked over his shoulder to find himself staring down the bullet he'd just dodged flying right back at him, looking him dead in the eye with a glare and grin that promised nothing but a horrible, fiery end of his…
"What are you lookin' at, butthead!?" the Biff suddenly said, prompting Mario to blink in disbelief.
"...and they talk," Daisy continued with a grimace. "A lot."
"Ahhhh…" Luigi nodded with a wince. "That makes sense."
"Okay, yeah," MP concurred. "That's much worse."
"Wha…?" Mario let out in confusion, only for the bullet to suddenly flash red and pick up speed. "Oh no!"
Mario quickly took off as the Bullet chased after him.
"Yeah, that's it! Make like a tree and get out of here, already!"
Mario had little choice but to hit the ground, forcing him to parkour his way through the battlefield as the Biff gave chase.
"Dang…" Trompal let out. "The fat man can move if he can outrun a Biff! Let's see how he handles more!"
He pulled the trigger again, sending more Biffs after him.
"Oh, you've gotta be kidding…!"
"What's the matter, tough guy? Chicken?"
Mario let out a yelp as he hopped over another Biff that had appeared right in front of him… only for it to join the previous.
"Whew! Close one!"
"Hello! Anybody home!?"
"Yipe!" Mario ducked, just in time to avoid another.
"Your shoe's untied!"
Followed by another…
"Have a nice trip, see you next Winter!"
And another…
"Say hi to your mom for me!"
And another…
"I gotta lose these things!" he turned around behind one of the decorative rock structures…
"I'm gonna shoot you dead like a duck!"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" …only to run screaming from yet another Biff, which quickly joined the others, forming an entire swarm of obnoxiously persistent, borderline braindead ballistic bullets.
"Okay, we have got to do something about those things!" Luigi said, preparing to run off to help.
"No!" Daisy cried out, stopping him. "Biffs are stupidly single-minded. Once they have a target in their sights, nothing can shake them off, not even other targets."
"And again, they explode!" MP reminded. "We set them off, we could take out the Moe-Eyes too."
As more and more taunts from the Bullet Biffs piled on, MP's eye twitched before she began digging into her bag even more frantically than before.
"C'mon, you stupid bag… give me something that'll make these things SHUT UP!"
"Think, Butthead! Think!"
"AAAAAAHGH!" In a fit of rage, she flipped the bag upside down and began shaking it violently, spilling out dozens upon dozens of random crud all over the ground until…
THUD!
"Oh hey, the hammer!" MP cheered, her mood flipping completely.
"There's still the issue of them exploding!" Daisy reminded her.
"Right…" she replied with a grimace, then she remembered how they used it to beat Trompal at Daisy's castle. "Lu, batter up!"
She handed off the hammer to Luigi, who immediately understood the plan and grinned before heading out.
"Must… lose… stupid… talking… bullets!" Mario gritted out, his energy and patience waning rapidly… resulting in him running right into Alex and Keanu, who'd arrived just in time to block his path.
"Righteous work, dudes!" Trompal thanked.
"No prob, Your Dudeness!" Keanu replied.
"We'll keep Buzzkill Red boxed in while the Biffs blow him up!" Alex chimed in.
"Ready to get Biffed, bozo?" Keanu asked.
"Yah, Biffed?" Alex repeated.
"Uhhhhh…" Mario needed to get them to move, and fast! "Uhhh… you guys do know that if you're here, you'll get Biffed too, right?"
Alex, Keanu, and Trompal paused as their previous confidence evaporated.
"Huh…" the Moe-Eye king replied. "Hadn't thought about that."
"Your Dudeness!" the two shouted as they made to move…
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"
…but it was too late, the Biffs had caught up and were about to make impact…
"YYYYYaaaaaaah!"
When Luigi came in with the hammer and sent them all flying into the air.
"SHIIIIIIIIIIIII-!" the Biffs wailed as they flew into the air, crashing into each other before exploding high above the crowd.
"Whoooooooooa…" the Moe-Eye all let out in awe at the sight.
"Wow…" Trompal let out. "That. Was wick–EGGGH!" Right as Luigi ran up to him and clonked him on the head.
"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your or…derrrrrrrr…"
THUD!
As Trompal lay strewn about on the ground, the heroes approached him, cautiously.
"Did it work?" Mario asked, Luigi tentatively tapping the Moe-Eye King.
"We won't know until he wakes up," Daisy replied.
"I'm about 70% certain that it did," E. Gadd began. "But if it didn't, it's a prime opportunity for me to test out my latest invention… the Gadd Science Anti-Creep Stick!"
He pulled a black baseball bat with the Gadd Science logo on it in yellow out of... somewhere. In his free hand, he had somehow procured a kazoo, which he used to play a quick fanfare.
"You mean a baseball bat?" Luigi asked.
"It's a Gadd Science Anti-Creep Stick!" the Professor snapped. "It's nothing like your bat of baseball!"
Mario leaned next to MP, whispering right into her ear, "Baseball bat."
"I heard that!" E. Gadd snapped, eliciting snickers from the two.
Meanwhile, Daisy looked at Luigi, twirling her finger next to her head while pointing at E. Gadd with the other and whistling like a cuckoo clock.
"Daisy..." Luigi whispered disapprovingly.
"What? We're all thinking it, I'm just saying it."
"It's still not exactly polite to say."
"Ohhhhhhhh..."
Everyone's gaze turned downward as Trompal sat up.
"Awwwww dude…" he groaned, laughing slightly. "That was some party."
"No sudden moves, Trompal!" E. Gadd ordered. "I've got the Gadd Science Anti-Creep Stick, and I'm not afraid to use it!"
"Uhhhh… who are you again?" Trompal blinked dumbly behind his sunglasses as he looked over everyone. "And…who are all of…DAY-ZAAAAAY!"
Everyone nearly jumped as Trompal shouted upon seeing Daisy.
"Hey-heeeey! What up, Princess Dude?" he greeted. "Seb make ya sit through another one of his bogus lectures again?"
"Uhhhh… not exactly, Trompal," Daisy replied awkwardly. "I take it you're back to normal?"
"Uhhhh… yah? Why, somethin' hap…my crib!"
It was then that Trompal finally noticed what had become of his castle after the battle. The whole place was a mess. Party stuff lay everywhere, broken or tossed about haphazardly. Empty bottles and cans of soda pop and other beverages littered the ground, along with discarded wrappers and boxes of burger and hotdog meat. Burned-out tiki torches smoldered, tilted at odd angles. And there were craters from all the pounding the Moe-Eyes had attempted to inflict on the heroes.
"Awwww man…" Trompa said as he raised his sunglasses, revealing solid blue eyes, not a hint of purple. "It looks like a tsunami hit… and I missed it!"
"Yep, he's good," Daisy confirmed.
"Not for long!"
PTCHOO!
"Everyone, move!" Mario shouted, prompting everyone to leap out of the way, just in time for a beam to strike them where they would've been.
"Not bad, heroes. Not bad at all…"
"Tatanga…" Mario gritted out as he looked up to see the spaceman's ship float in.
"Yes, red man," the alien snarked. "How incredibly observant you are."
"Wait a minute…" Trompal said. "I remember now! You're that purple, alien space kook who messed up my head!"
"Indeed, Trompal. And you are by far the most disappointing minion I've ever had… brainwashed or otherwise," Tatanga confirmed with a scowl. "But I blame myself. I should have known better than to expect a lazy beach boulder bozo like you to make any headway in ridding me of Daisy and her little fan club."
"Harsh," Trompal mused. "But fair. You're not wrong."
Tatanga sputtered, annoyed. "At least have the decency to be angry when I insult you, you stupid–! Oh, forget it! While you were wasting your time partying and letting Daisy and the Marios get the better of you, I've enlisted the aid of more... reliable minions."
Tatanga then let out a whistle, much to the surprise of the others. Just then, there was a strange skittering noise all around them.
"Guys, Do you hear that?" Luigi asked nervously.
"What is it?" Mario replied.
"Hmmmm…" E. Gadd tapped his chin. "If I'm not mistaken, it seems to be the sound of hundreds of thousands of scurrying feet."
They slowly turned, looking to see a massive swarm of spider creatures skittering toward them. Some were simply brown, while others had black-and-yellow striped bodies. At the sight of them, MP went white as a sheet, her pupils dilating.
"Spiders…" she whispered before jumping into Mario's arms. "SPIDERS!"
"Oh good Grambi, no!" Daisy gasped. "You recruited the Arachnos and Tarantulungers?! Tatanga, are you out of your damned MIND?!"
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say, and I was fortunate to find a group of willing minions, united in their hate for you, Princess. Now I get to sit back and watch as they tear you apart limb by limb." He chuckled darkly at the thought of such a sight. "Now, my arachnoid friends... get her!"
The spiders all swarm forward, passing everyone but Daisy. She punched and kicked furiously, trying to keep them away, but it was no use. In seconds she quickly swarmed and cocooned in a wrap of webbing.
"Mario! Luigi!" she cried out. "Get me out of…MMPH!" … only for the spiders to web her mouth shut before they dragged her off.
"Well now, heroes, it seems you have a choice to make," Tatanga began smugly. "Save Daisy from being a spider's meal, or chasing me to the Chai Kingdom. Either way, I'm sure you'll be dead by the end."
He flew away at that, laughing maniacally as he did. The spiders all continued to skitter past them. When they all passed and the scurrying noises stopped, everyone blinked, turning to see a hyperventilating MP sitting on Mario's shoulder, arms wrapped around his face. He slowly reached up, tapping her arm.
"Uhhh, Mips?" he began calmly. "Retract the claws, please."
MP blinked, looking to see that she was digging her nails into his skin hard enough to draw blood.
"Oh, right…" She let go of her brother's head, slowly climbing back down to the ground. "Sorry…"
"We can't let those things kill Daisy!" Luigi declared. "We gotta go after them!"
"Whoa! You're gonna go into the Spider Caves!?" Keanu shouted. "That's suicide, brah!"
"Anyone who goes in there only comes out… er… never!" Alex warned.
"Lu's right," Mario concurred. "We can't leave Daisy hanging."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Luigi asked, motioning them forward. "Let's a-go!"
Gadd blinked, then squinted as he removed his glasses, revealing two, small, beady eyes. "Oh my… I think I may have put off cataract surgery for too long because Mario looks distinctly green."
"No…" Mario replied, shaking his head. "Lu just leveled up his courage."
He turned to MP, whose hands were visibly shaking. "Mips, I won't make you go into those caves with us. Go ahead to Chai, save the rest of the Koopas. We'll catch up once we get Daisy out.".
"Are you sure?" MP asked. "I-I know I don't handle spiders or big bugs well, but I'm still one of the good guys, and…"
"Sorella… (3)" Luigi cut in, putting his hands on her shoulders. "We love you, and we appreciate you wanting to help, but you'd be of little help in there."
"Besides, you've got to meet up with Bowser and the Koopalings," Mario reminded her. "And keep the Professor from trying any more… home remedies."
"Oh, that reminds me!" E. Gadd declared as he pulled out a phone. "ROB! Ready the machines! I have an idea to wake up Princess Peach that will work for sure!"
"Right!" MP declared as she picked up the professor, throwing him over her shoulder.
"Uwooohhh-oh my!"
"You two be careful," MP said.
"Will do," Mario replied, tipping his cap to them.
"Hold it!" E. Gadd shouted. "If you two are going after those giant creepy crawlies, you're going to need this."
He tossed the "Anti-Creep Stick" over to the Bros., Luigi catching it.
"Uh... thanks?" he replied.
"What good is a baseball bat gonna do against them?" Mario asked.
"Come now, Mario, have my inventions ever steered you wrong before?"
"Ehhhhhhhhhhh…" Mario let out awkwardly as Luigi tilted his hand back and forth in a "so-so" fashion.
"Oh, fuff!" the Professor cursed. "The Marine Pop got you away from Basilisx and his friend, and my People-Pulter got you where you needed to be! Both times! Also, the Poltergust helped beat up those Shphinxes, and ROB broke us out of jail! And let's not forget…"
"Yes, yes, you're a smart inventor…" MP groused. "C'mon, Wrinkles, we got work to do."
Gadd continued to ramble on, even as MP ran off with him back to the shore.
"Good luck down there, guys!" she called out. "I'll see you guys in the Chai Kingdom!"
And with that, they were gone.
"So…" Mario began. "Ready to save your girlfriend?"
"Guh! Sh-She's not my girlfriend!" Luigi protested, his face beet-red.
"Whatever you say." Mario shrugged. "C'mon, let's get moving!"
Mario and Luigi ran off in the direction the spider creatures fled, leaving the disheartened Moe-Eye to look around at their demolished castle.
"Bummer, man, our pad is totally trashed," Dana let out.
"Yeah…" Mike concurred. "Bummer."
Trompal looked around, wondering how the heck they were gonna fix and replace all of this.
"Oh sweet!" he cried out. "Dudes, look at this cool stuff!"
He motioned to a huge pile of stuff that MP had shaken out of her bag. It mostly consisted of random, eighties paraphernalia, several vinyls of popular artists of the time, along with a collection of surfboards, foldable chairs, and beach umbrellas.
"Dude…" Keanu let out. "We are gonna have the coolest pad evar!"
"Next time that pink-hat girl comes back, we gotta give her mad props," Alex replied.
"Dude, I think it was magenta, not pink," Keanu insisted.
"What's magenta?"
Keanu shrugged. "No clue man. A type of fish, maybe?"
"First things, first, fellow Moe-Eye dudes," Trompal declared. "Tatanga helped trash our pad and got Princess Daisy nabbed by those uber-nasty spider creeps! So, we're gonna go down and get her out! Then, we're gonna turn this place into the coolest, most far-out, funky, tubular condo in the history of…of… condotopia! Who's with me!?"
"GNARRRRRLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" the Moe-Eyes cheered.
"Yaaaaaaah…" Trompal nodded proudly. "My peeps."
Author's Note:
(1): This was meant to be the infamous Wilhelm Scream
(2): Chocos are a variant of Oreos, taken from DC. Figured it would work here.
(3): Italian for sister
Oh damn! The spiders have Daisy! Can Mario and Luigi get to her in time? Tune in next time as they brave the horrors of the Spider Caves.
The Moe-Eye names come from Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter, the stars of Bill & Ted, as well as Mike Myers and Dana Carvey, the stars of the film and the SNL sketches that inspired them, Wayne's World. And yes, the Bullet Biffs are basically one big reference to Biff Tannen of Back to the Future fame; all of them have the voices of the respective actors said characters are based on.
Voice cast for this chapter:
* Sue Paida - Grey DeLisle (Azula in Avatar: The Last Airbender, Jessica Drew/Spider-Woman in Marvel Super Hero Squad Online, Daphne Blake in Scooby-Doo, Felicia Hardy/Black Cat in the 2017 Spider-Man cartoon, Vicky in The Fairly OddParents, Mandy in The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Selina Kyle/Catwoman in Batman: Arkham)
Please R&R. Until next time!