Out Of The Past

Chapter XXIII - How Do You Fix Something So Broken?

She almost chickened out. She was used to waking up early, no matter how tired she was. It was just a force of habit. But when Melanie woke up to the very first rays of the sun peaking over the horizon, she carefully rolled over to find Layton peacefully sleeping still on the other side of the bed. She had to admit, used to getting up early or not, just the prospect of reliving a happier time in her life on the train where this represented stability and security wasn't such a bad idea to her right then. And the idea that he was getting some sleep simply sealed the deal for her as she rolled back over in the bed and quickly fell back asleep.

And so talking over breakfast turned into more likely becoming a talk over brunch as neither one of them proved overly eager to want to get out of their one time soft, cozy, shared slice of heaven.

Melanie was once again the one to wake up first. Since she had spent nearly half the night in the engine, she knew Bennett wouldn't fuss over her sleeping in and cutting her shift short that day. He would likely be grateful to know she had gotten some actual sleep that night, having complained to her numerous times that he didn't think she was getting nearly enough over the past few weeks.

Sighing to herself, she rolled over in the bed to see what her one time roommate was up to. She couldn't help but smile at the sight that greeted her as she felt she was looking into a mirror of the past.

Laying on his side facing her now, Layton had one pillow firmly tucked under his head as he tightly hugged another against his body with one arm. A third one was tucked up against his back, covertly hidden by the covers. But she could still clearly see the outline.

Counting them up and looking around her side of the bed, Melanie turned a half-serious frown to him.

"Pillow thief." She chide him softly.

"And you still snore like a train horn." Came the mumbled reply. "Nice to know some things don't change."

Giving a slight sigh, Melanie pulled herself up in the bed as she yanked the pillow out from under his head and placed it behind her so she could sit up more comfortably in the bed.

"Well, breakfast is long over." She told him as he slowly searched around for his last two remaining pillows and echoed her position now in the bed. "So that just leaves an explanation."

Layton settled himself back against the headboard as he rubbed his hands over his face to help himself wake up a bit more. "Couldn't sleep." Came the simply stated answer.

Melanie sat staring at him with wide, questioning eyes for a moment. "What?"

Layton shrugged. "Look," he stated, "I knew this was a terrible idea. But I have literally tried everything I could think of. Pills, booze, meditation, listening to my wife go on about her day, listening to Audrey tell me about her day. I even let Roche tell me about his day. Nothing worked."

"Worked for what?" Melanie asked.

"Getting some sleep." Layton replied. "I wasn't lying last night. I don't honestly recall that I have managed to sleep more than thirty minutes a night in the last three days. I was exhausted."

"And THIS was your solution to the problem?"

Layton stared back at her. "What was I doing when you came in here last night?"

Melanie started to answer, but stopped herself.

"I'm not suggesting we go back to what was, Melanie." He stated. "I just...I needed a quiet, familiar place to be able to sleep until I CAN figure this out."

Melanie sighed as she turned back to the covers, not answering him.

Layton echoed her sigh as he started to pull back the covers. "Look, I appreciate you not throwing me out last night. And you don't need to worry..."

"I think that was the first time I've really slept in three days as well." She suddenly replied.

Layton paused, then settled back into the bed.

"So now what do we do?" Melanie asked, staring at the rays of the sun streaming through the bedroom window.

Layton sighed as he carefully studied the cover over his knees, then stated quietly. "Listen, I know this is not going to be a very good suggestion..."

Melanie simply stared back at him. She had an idea what his suggestion would be and her brain was already warring over the pros and cons of it. "This is still your cabin." He stated. "And just like before, I'm not trying to push my way in here or..." Melanie cut him off as she turned back to him. "You want to move back in here." She stated plainly.

Layton turned to her, unsure if her response had been a statement or a question. And for a long moment he didn't say anything as he thought over the suggestion. It was, without a doubt, the most ludicrous thing he could think to say to her right then. After everything they had been through in the past few weeks. Everything they had said to each other...or more, he had said to her. For her part, Melanie had never done anything in the situation but taken full blame for it. She hadn't lied to him about one thing. If anything, she had shouldered more of the blame than, according to Audrey, she deserved. But there was one thing he knew for sure, and it was the very thing he hung all of his arguments on in solving this problem.

"We have never been able to resolve anything separately, Melanie. And especially something of this magnitude." He gave a soft sigh as he turned back to the bed. "I meant what I said, I don't see you as my enemy. I'll never see you that way again. What happened in that room could have ended in a lot of ways. Unfortunately, it ended in the worst possible way. But if this train is going to survive, we HAVE to get past this. We have to find a way."

Melanie hugged her knees. "I just don't see how, Layton."

"By not running away from each other." He told her. "By facing this down in whatever way we can."

Melanie sat with her arms still wrapped about her knees, not saying anything as she stared still at the window.

"Are you at least willing to try?" Layton finally asked her.

"What will you tell Zarah?" Melanie asked in a quiet voice.

"That she's driving me up a wall and I'm moving back into the cabin."

"Does she know why you moved out to start with?"

Layton shook his head. "Not the whole truth, no. She thinks it was just... another of our infamous fights. Except this time she's doing everything she can to get me to stay. Her favorite leverage is the baby."

Melanie turned to him. "Don't you want to be there? Don't you want to be a part of that?"

"I can be a 'part of that' without having to live with her, Melanie. Like you so often say, it isn't like anyone is going to suddenly get off the train. I'm sure I could even move her closer to us. Get someone closer to this area to switch cabins if they saw where she is living now. Although I seriously doubt she would agree to it." He added with a sigh. "She would never give up that cabin. It's everything she ever dreamed of on this train. Half the time I feel...like I'm just another accessory that goes along with it for her."

Melanie sat and thought about his suggestion for a long time. She knew at the forefront she was giving into her emotions. She missed him. She missed having him there and having him to talk to and she desperately missed the sheer comfort of just knowing he was there at night. Knowing at the end of each day he was safe.

She missed her friend.

Somehow having him there just made her feel safer, although she wasn't sure she would feel the same in that regards anymore.

But then she thought back to the previous night. Trying to remember the last time she had slept that soundly. So that didn't appear to be a problem.

So what was? What was the small voice in the back of her mind that was screaming for her to listen to it, and whatever point it was trying to make.

"And what if it doesn't work?" She asked.

Layton gave her a casual shrug. "We didn't think it would work the first time." Layton paused, going back to pressing his main point in all of this. "We can't run this train from opposite ends, Melanie. With you in the Tail and me in the engine."

"Well..., that's certainly a change." Came the almost humorous comment.

"I have said this...many times." Layton reiterated. "The train needs both of us. No matter what is going on between us, the train needs us together. And that is exactly how we work best. Together. Call it blessing. Call it a curse. Call it whatever you want. For whatever reason, we each only make up half of what keeps this train running."

"So," she replied quietly, "a blessing or curse, we're stuck with each other?"

Layton tried for a small smile. "Looks that way."

Melanie paused as she thought over the solution he was suggesting. "It's never going to be the same again, is it?"

Layton stared at her for a moment. "No. But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe where we're headed will be better." He gave a small sigh. "We're not the same people we were back when we first met, Melanie. Back then we were set on trying to kill each other."

"I never wanted to kill you."

Layton gave her a mildly surprised look. "Really? Because on any given day I had at least five ways in mind to get rid of you."

"What?"

"The point is, I don't want to kill you anymore." Layton quickly supplied. "And I'll personally place myself in front of Frank to anyone who tries." He paused for a moment as he studied her expression. "We're not those people anymore, Melanie. And I, for one, am grateful for the change. Because in the process I gained an incredible friend. By looking past who I thought she was. Maybe going forward things won't be the same. Maybe they'll be better, like before. We've gain a better understanding of each other. We know a little bit more now, for better or worst, of the things we are capable of. If a problem arises, we understand now just what the other is willing to do to protect this train."

Melanie slowly turned to him. "I never meant to hurt you." She finally stated softly. "I never...really meant to hurt her. Even now, I would give anything if this had never happened. I don't even understand anymore why I did what I did. I had other options..."

"Because you were scared." Layton answered her. "Fear...will make you do things you never thought you were capable of. Especially when the threat is against something you love. For you...that was this train. And until I took over leading her, I never understood just how much you loved her. How much you cared about every person on her." He gave her a small smile. "How much you still do. But when I took over..., I started to understand that kind of love. That kind of dedication. I truly...used to see you as some...crazy dictator. Power. Control. They were the only things you cared about. I couldn't have been more wrong."

"I told you before, I never..."

"...wanted to be a leader." Layton finished for her. "I remember." He turned to her. "You also used to say you felt I never really wanted to lead the revolution." He paused. "You were right." He turned to the window now, staring at the shaft of light that always illuminated their bedroom first thing in the morning. "But as you said...,"

"...nobody else was stupid enough to take the job." She finished with a small laugh.

They sat like that for a few moments before Layton spoke again. "Do you remember when we unhooked the cars?"

She turned back to him, studying his expression. She never knew him to become more somber than when he talked about that incident.

"Yes."

"I always pinpointed that as the day you showed me what leading this train was truly going to be. Decisions. Having to choose between saving a friend or destroying an enemy." He paused for a long time before he spoke again. "I'll never forget the sounds of their screams as I ran from the car. Begging me to help them. Save them."

"I'm sorry." She repeated the only thing she could ever say to him when he spoke of the incident. "I should never have put you through it. I know you feel you had to learn that lesson. But you weren't ready for it. I should have sent Bennett. Or Roche."

Layton turned to her. "You honestly feel they would have come out of that any better? They were...people who fought with me. Fought for me. Believed I could save them. And instead they watched me run out of that car to save myself."

"What good would your dying have done?" She asked. "They would still be dead. And how many people have you saved since then? Because you WERE here to lead the train."

"All but one."

The answer surprised her. "What do you mean, 'All but one'?"

Again a long silence answered her until he turned to her with a small, forced smile. "I'll tell you about it one day. Promise."

Melanie returned a confused stare. "Why with a promise?"

"Because...it's the reason..." But he stopped.

"The reason? For what?"

Layton turned back to the shaft of sunlight. "Why I can look at you now and understand why you did what you did, Melanie. Understand how we aren't so different. Why we work so well together. Understand each other."

Melanie tried to understand what he was saying, but none of it made sense to her. All she could do was shake her head in confusion at him.

"Don't you see?" He told her in a low, conspiratorial whisper. "We're exactly the same. No differences. What you were willing to do then to save this train, I know I'm capable of the exact same thing."

Melanie sat staring at him, an unpleasant, unthinkable thought forming in her mind that made sense of his words.

"What did you do?" She asked in a whisper so quiet he even barely heard it.

When Layton didn't answer her, she gave him a small, cautious smile, trying to draw him out. "You know if you don't tell me I'll just go ask Audrey if she knows anything."

Layton surprised her by responding in a low, stoic manner. "Audrey already knows."

Melanie was about to press him further on the matter when the bell to the cabin suddenly rang.

Layton was out of the bed going to answer it before he even thought.

"Layton!" Melanie quickly hissed at him.

He turned a questioning look back to her before he stopped to consider his action. But Melanie had already grabbed her robe and was around the bed and shoving him back into the bedroom before he could sort things out.

"Just stay put." She told him quickly. "I'll see who it is."

She caught the small smile on his lips before she closed the bedroom door.

"Just like old times." He told her.