Elena found Kol sitting outside on the porch. She decided to join him. There were some things she wanted to discuss with him. "Kol, May I speak with you for a few minutes?"
"Is this about the wall again?" Kol asked. It had been a couple of days since he and Nik had fought. His aunt had been very clear about her displeasure on the matter. She'd left him and Nik sitting on that couch for a good hour before she released the spell.
"No. I've said my peace on the matter, and you and your brother will repair the damage. However, I would like to discuss what led to the fight," Elena said before taking a seat next to him.
"Nik was being a bastard," Kol fumed.
Elena nodded. "Niklaus was definitely trying to needle you, but it got to you. I think I know why. I've heard that your control isn't exactly the best."
"I'm not a ripper if that's what you mean," Kol said.
"No, I didn't say you were a ripper. You don't have to be a ripper to have issues with control, which I think that you do. Am I right?" Elena asked.
Kol reluctantly nodded. "I can be around humans without going into a frensy. It's just that I have trouble stopping once I've started. I can't really stop myself from killing someone once I've started drinking from them. Sometimes I can't stop with just one either, especially if I'm already angry or otherwise emotional. I've slaughtered entire towns before. The others think I do it on purpose."
"Do you let them think that?" Elena asked patiently.
Kol didn't respond.
"I'm going to take your silence as a yes. You'd rather your siblings see you as reckless or irresponsible than let them think you have a weakness," Elena said.
"Weakness wasn't allowed in our family. It's what got Nik beaten on daily basis. The rest of us didn't fair much better. If you were weak, you were unworthy of being a Mikaelson," Kol said.
Elena had a sudden urge to wake Mikael just so she could torture him again for what he did to these children, but she ignored it. There was nothing she could do about the past. All she could do was help her niece and nephews overcome the damage their parents had done to them. "First of all, Kol, everyone has weaknesses. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you."
"You don't. You're stronger than anyone I've ever met," Kol said.
"Oh, I have weaknesses, Kol. I trusted too easily in the past and now I rarely trust at all. Neither of those things are good, but given the life I've lived, it's hard not to have trust issues. The other thing I want you to understand is that lack of control is not a weakness. It's harder for some people than it is for others. That's just the way it is, but it can be overcome. You can become better at controlling yourself if you're willing to work for it," Elena told him.
"I don't know how," Kol admitted.
"That's alright, dear. I will help you. The first step is learning to control your impulses. You admitted to me that your control is worse when you're not in control of yourself in other ways. The last time you lost control, what happened?"
"I was angry. I was undaggered to find that Nik and Elijah had taken in this little human. Nik treated the kid like a son. They both did. I had been daggered for years and…"
"And you felt replaced. You were jealous," Elena said.
Kol nodded. "They treated that kid better than they ever had me. I was a nuisance to them, just their little brother that they were stuck with."
"I don't think that's true, but I can understand why you felt that way. It's understandable that you'd be upset," Elena said. It was a bit childish for him to respond that way, but the thing was that he'd never truly been allowed to grow up. None of them had. It was just another consequence of abusive parents. Either they weren't allowed to grow up, or in Elijah and Finn's cases, they were forced to grow up too soon.
"I did things to piss them off. I don't deny that. I messed with the kid. But some of it I also couldn't control. Once I let my bloodlust loose, it's hard to stop," Kol admitted.
Elena put a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be alright. We'll get you through it."
"You think you can really help me be better at it?" Kol asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I do."
"Just so you know, I wouldn't hurt Jeremy. I like him. It's like having a little brother. I miss that," Kol said. He'd been very close with his brother, Henrik. He missed him very much.
"I know that. I'm fairly certain Niklaus did too. I think he was trying to provoke you, and it appears it worked," Elena said.
"Thanks for talking to me. Its been a while since anyone has talked to me like this, like they cared," Kol said.
"I do care, Kol, and for the record, I think your siblings do too. I just think that none of you really know how to express yourselves very well," Elena said.
"I guess. I'm going to go for a walk," Kol said before standing up.
"Will you be okay if you run into humans? Please be honest with me," Elena asked in a slightly firm tone.
"Yeah. I just had some blood a little while ago. I can usually tell when I'm bad enough to lose control," Kol said honestly.
"Okay. I'll see you soon," Elena said before watching him go off. She went back inside and walked to the living room. She found Elijah on the couch staring at her disconcertedly. She could tell that he'd heard her conversation with Kol. "I don't appreciate being eavesdropped on, Elijah. I don't think Kol would appreciate it either."
"My apologies," Elijah said.
"I understand that your advanced hearing makes it impossible for you not to hear some things you aren't meant to, but in the future, at least pretend you didn't," Elena said.
Elijah nodded. "I failed him."
Elena took a seat next to him. She didn't say anything. She decided to wait and see what Elijah had to say.
"Every time Kol let his bloodlust get the better of him, I assumed he did it on purpose. I figured he was acting out. I did nothing to help him get it under control. I let Niklaus dagger him. I told myself it was for the best because the body count could lead our father straight to us," Elijah explained.
"How long have you been responsible for your siblings, Elijah?" Elena asked.
Elijah seemed to ponder the question for a few moments. "I was five when Niklaus was born, so somewhere around there. Mother was around, but I was always responsible for the younger ones."
"Yeah, that's what I figured. Children raising children never ends very well," Elena said.
"You did it," Elijah pointed out.
"Which is why I would know better than anyone. My sisters grew up to believe it was acceptable to barter children like they would used cars. I'll always wonder if it was because of something I did wrong," Elena said.
"I do not believe that. I haven't known the real you for very long, but you are more caring than my mother has ever been. The patient way you spoke to Kol just now was probably the most parenting he's ever received. Even the way took him and Niklaus to task was kind," Elijah said.
"Thank you. Listen, Elijah, I'm not going to tell you that you didn't make mistakes. I think you favored Niklaus over your other siblings, but you were a child put in a position no child should ever be in. The fact that you handled it as well as you did should be commended," Elena said.
"I told myself that giving into Niklaus was better for all of us, that his redemption would be best for us all in the end. The truth is that I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I never stopped our father from beating him on a daily basis. I didn't stop him or Mother when they cursed him. In fact, I aided them. I was afraid," Elijah admitted guiltily.
"You were a child that was abused yourself. What your parents did wasn't on you. It wasn't on you to put a stop to it. Your mother should've stopped Mikael. She easily could have. There's no way I would've allowed him to put a hand on my child if I had any ability to prevent it," Elena said strongly.
"It's too bad that she had to be our mother. We would've faired better with you, I think," Elijah said.
Elena took his hand. "You have me now. I will do everything in my power to protect all of you."
"I still don't understand how you could even look at us," he said.
"When I look at you, I don't see Esther. Frankly, Elijah, when I look at you, I see myself. You and I are a lot alike. The point is children aren't extensions of their parents. When I look at you and your siblings, I see people that have found a way to survive despite the terrible beginning they were given. What I want now is to teach you to live without always having to worry about survival," Elena said.
"I want you to remove the block on my memory," Elijah said after a minute.
"Are you sure you're ready?" Elena asked. She'd expected him to take more time than that. It was a big decision.
"No, but it doesn't sit well with me, knowing that a ticking bomb could be inside my head. I don't like the idea of you fiddling around in my mind, but it's better than the alternative," Elijah said.
"And you remember my conditions, right? You will be under my supervision until I say otherwise. I will expect you to listen to anything I tell you," Elena told him.
"Yes, I understand. Again, I don't like it, but it's better than the alternative," Elijah said.
"Alright. Give me a week or two to get some things in order and then we'll do it. You're going to have to tell the others too," Elena said.
Elijah nodded. "Thank you, for everything you're doing."
"All I'm doing is caring for you the way you always should've been cared for. You don't need to thank me for that," Elena said. She squeezed his hand and then got up and left the room.