Over the Hedge: Second Generation

by starwars4life

Set 15 years after Midsummer Crises. The kids and young adult hedgies are now grown adults and must continue to carry out what their parents have taught them about heists, fun, friendship, love, and family. But will the problems they now encounter as parents and mates make the hedge family grow stronger and larger, or break apart and get smaller?

15. Unexpected Allies

Chapter 15: Unexpected Allies

Today is a going to be a busy day for the LaFontant's and Stanton's. Dwayne, Gladys, Glenda, Pierre, Mary Ann, and Dilbert have gathered enough resources to begin the first phase of Glenda's master plan to get the people of the Elysian Fields Estates to petition the governor to remove the state protection law of the woods—dubbed "Operation Safer Suburbs," or OSS.

After giving Verm-Tech's copy machines a serious workout—which will require a large sum of compensation pocket change from the LaFontant's and Stanton's to cover the resources used up—they printed out many 8.5 x 11inches copies of flyers. Half the page shows the hedgies and their friends. Because Verm-Tech doesn't have a single shot of all the animals together, the pictures show single, two to three, small groups, or large groups of the animals. The second half of the flyers read, Highly dangerous and resourceful animal(s). Many accounts of stealing from and harming humans, but live in state-protected woods. If you have seen or been victimized by this/these creature(s), contact Verm-Tech immediately on the specific phone number, email address, and social media links below to start a petition to abolish the state law so they can be disposed of. The back of each page has numerous pictures of the animal(s) seen on the front, but shot from different angles so that every reader knows what the animal(s) looks like from all sides.

These verminator families along with student, staff, and other Verm-Tech volunteers have taken six steps to ensure residents will see or hear of these flyers and their contents.

First, Verm-Techers have already gotten up in the wee hours of the morning to put these print-outs on the poles of street lights and powerlines.

Second, Verm-Tech have also made packets of all the kinds of flyers and paid the post office to deliver these to the EFE residents' mailboxes.

Third, Rowan Beck, the Homeowners Association President of the EFE, agreed to send every kind of flyer as a high-priority email to every head-of-household in the EFE. Verm-Tech has always been a strong ally of the HOA because they rid homes of vermin and thus make residents not want to move to another neighborhood. Mr. Beck has been the greatest help for the LaFontant's and Stanton's in this endeavor. Like all HOA presidents, Beck enforces overly-strict and excessively micromanaging rules for all residents to follow, and any pesky animal throws a wrench in Beck's well-maintained machine, which will not be tolerated.

Fourth, Glenda and Dilbert have posted the flyers as messages on every social media platform.

Fifth, phone calls (and voicemails) will be made to all the heads of households (and their spouses, if any) in the EFE informing them to check their mailboxes, emails, and social media platforms.

And sixth, Verm-Techers will spread the word the old fashion way: go knocking door to door and inform the residents in-person of the plan to abolish the state law.

Sure, some stubborn people won't take the time out of their "oh so busy schedule" to give their support, even though they do have plenty of time to at least read or listen. But that is always the necessary risk of trying to convince people to get off their lazy rears and take a part of something greater than their own relaxed lives.

Anyone who paid close attention in history class will point out that there have been many cases when the majority of American citizens were actively seeking to challenge, change, and reform unfair laws: the colonial years leading up to the American Revolution, to the Progressive Movement from 1897-1920, and Civil Rights Movement just to name a few. But in recent years, with much fairer laws in effect, most Americans have become so used to how things are done that they don't practice democracy like they used to. But now Verm-Tech will be taking charge of a new social movement to enact change, with the Stanton's and LaFontant's at the helm.

There is no way Verm-Tech won't get the support they need, and the LaFontant's and Stanton's feel exhilarated by all the work they have accomplished, and from the work they will get accomplished. They now have had a small taste of what the Founding Fathers, Progressive reformers, and Civil Rights activists did when those three major groups started their crusades, and it tastes delicious! They want more! And more is what they are going to get as they, along with 100 other volunteers, are walking down the streets of the EFE, spreading the word.

However, the more they do this, the more they realize just how difficult the task will be. Despite all the six steps taken to ensure success, each step had an unexpected weakness that worked against Verm-Tech's plan.

First are the flyers on the poles: only walkers, joggers, bikers, and slow-moving cars who are interested enough to slow down to read cared about those. They may have taken a glance for a few seconds, but otherwise went on their way.

Second are the packets in mailboxes: readers throw these packets away as "junk mail."

Third is HOA President Rowan Beck's email. Mr. Beck is not the most popular person in the EFE. To most people he is an annoying, pompous, grade-A prick, HOA-Nazi who cares far more about his "pointless" rules than the people who live in the EFE. To residents, deleting his email is a joyful opportunity to stick it to him.

Fourth is the social media postings. There are too many things on social media that users will want to do instead of subscribing, tweeting, liking, or following the Verm-Tech posting.

Fifth is the phone calls. Most of the calls are ignored because they are from an unknown number.

Sixth is the word-of-mouth approach. Any door-to-door salesman can attest how brutally difficult it is to convince people to support them. Door-to-door salesmen have a bad reputation (sometimes warranted, but sometimes not) of offering deals that actually rip people off, coming at the most inconvenient times, and trying to rush people to make hasty decisions like sleazy scammers. And no person likes strangers showing up at their front door, especially in these modern times with package thieves, identity thefts, and online scammers.

The door-to-door approach of the Verm-Techers went just as bad: EFE residents were not at home, ignored their doorbell after seeing an unfamiliar person on their door cams, cracked the front door open just to shoo the Verm-Techers off, opened the door fully only to close it once the speakers said they were looking for the homeowners' support, or listened to what the Verm-Techers had to say only to brush them off with the classic "I'll think about it. Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice day. Goodbye," with no way to tell if they will really get behind Verm-Tech.

Not everything was a waste, because there were a good few EFE residents who did read the flyers on the poles, did keep the packet in the mailbox, did check out Rowan Beck's email, did respond to the social media posts, did answer and/or listen to the Verm-Tech phone calls, and did inform the Verm-Techers on their front porches they will certainly give their support. Such residents were those who knew for a fact they were being raided from by the hedgies.

However, there aren't nearly enough residents needed to convince the state government to abolish the law. And unbeknownst to the humans, the animals had long ago made sure to cut back on house heists to ensure humans didn't trespass into the woods.

At 5PM, the LaFontant's and Stanton's are in the Stanton house discussing their massively disappointing day.

Dilbert: "Well, this didn't go as well as we'd hope. No, scratch that, this whole effort was crap-tacular."

Mary Ann: "Remember, this is just the first day, son. It's gonna take a while for us to get the support we need."

Dilbert: "I know that, mom. I just thought we'd get so much more support thanks to all the times dad, myself, Mr. Dwayne, and Mrs. Gladys had gotten rid of some vermin."

Pierre: "It's not our fault. Most people just don't see Verm-Tech as a good thing anymore."

Dwayne: "Verm-Tech definitely waited too long to recall the vermin traps that injured pets. Those dang lawsuits...they ruined Verm-Tech's once great reputation."

Gladys: "I would say we could always try getting the support from different neighborhoods, but other neighborhoods aren't near the state-protected woods where our specific animal targets live..."

Dilbert: "We could get the support of all the people who were attacked by the wolves in town a few days ago. There were literally hundreds of folks involved with that chaos."

Mary Ann: "But not all of those hundreds live in the EFE..."

Glenda: "I'm not giving up, but also need to be realistic. Even if we had the support from every person living in Elysian Fields, one neighborhood likely won't be enough to convince a state government to issue a nuisance wildlife management operation, even less likely to abolish a state law. We'd need the support of people from all over the state..."

The six humans pause for a full minute as that knowledge sinks into the minds, making their spirits sink too.

Dwayne: "How we would ever accomplish that...Forget it, it's impossible."

Being a former HOA president, Gladys has the most knowledge of politics, and gives the group the spiel. "And with how convoluted the political process is, it could take many months for the state legislature to finally revoke the law. There will be committees for discussions and interactions; studies to investigate the facts which have to be summarized; experts will be called in next for a general agreement and consensus; a survey asking the public's point of view must be issued and collected, then brought back to the committee to weigh all the options; then submit the matter for a democratic debate. And even after all of that, there's still a chance that there won't be enough votes for the removal of the law. And even if there are, the governor could easily veto the effort because it's not an urgent matter for the state to waste taxpayers' dollars over. Especially if the governor wants to win re-election." (1)

Showing that she has the intelligence of her mother with the brawns of her father, Glenda's brain gears start running at terminal velocity. "Wait, 'urgent matter'? That's it! We need to make the situation here so chaotic and so out of control that it'll create an emergency that the governor will have no choice but to instantly abolish the state law!"

Gladys and Dwayne are so proud of their daughter that they're speechless.

Pierre is able to respond with, "Glenda...You're a genius!"

Glenda: "But it'll be dangerous and risky. If it goes wrong—which will be really easy to do—it will condemn Verm-Tech harder and faster than the illegal nanobots...But I say, what's life without a challenge?"

With no objections, they all gather close and listen to her plan. After she finishes, they discuss all the possible sequels and repercussions, and finally decide that the reward outweighs the risk.

They order a celebratory pizza dinner, then go home to get ready for putting Glenda's new plan into action. They just have to bide their time for a little longer. After that, victory, and revenge, shall be theirs!

Note: (1)=Based on the "Committee Song" from Babar the Movie. Copyright by New Line Cinema (USA), Nelvana Limited and Astral Films (Canada), and Ellipse Programme (France)

---

During all of Verm-Tech's efforts today, the hedgies have remained completely hidden. It sounds miraculous, but the reason is much simpler: they are so tired and worn out from all the physical and mental exertions of the past few days, that everyone—injured or not—had slept in until the early evening. Their bodies and minds were so tired that the temperatures of neither the hot, stuffy attics, nor the dank, dusty basements woke them up. When the animals did wake up, they ate the food those with bags had brought with them, changed the medical dressings on the wounded, spent some quality time together, then went back to sleep.

Note: the following is based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated April 8-13, 2024.

The only major events happened with Group 5. After waking and eating, they had worked to set up the mattresses in the basement so that the one on the bottom is flat, but the one on top is leaning against the wall, giving it a reclined chair look. They have installed a homemade vibration function that has been rigged by many handheld muscle and neck massagers that they found in one of the storage boxes. Jordan is sitting on the mattresses with a pillow behind his back.

Ladarius uses a remote to activate the massagers with a Click! To Jordan, he asks, "Nicer than yo hammock, eh dad?"

The only sound is the Whrr...of the massagers, so Ladarius says, "How 'bout this?" He presses another button—Click!—and the "seat" part of the higher mattress angles upward. The Whrrr… of the vibrators increase.

Jordan opens his eyes and waves his paw in the "So-so" hand gesture.

Ladarius: "And this?"

He presses the remote again with a Click! and the vibrators' WHRRR…gets louder. But suddenly, there's a loud SMAKITTY WOMP! Before anyone can blink, the mattresses, unable to handle the vibration level of the massagers, are warped into a W-shape.

Jordan's head is sticking out of one of the bottom curves and, with his eyes closed and a voice full of bliss, he says, "Ooo...That's the ticket."

Sam leans with his right arm against the upward line of the W-shape and proclaims, "Jordan's sleep number 'Eleventy-seven.' "

After getting the mattresses straightened out, the hedgies have removed the vibration tools and have laid the "suburban treasure"—code named barely-used mattresses—side-by-side. Quillo stares at them wide-eyed and says, "It's a Kalifornia King Kong King size!..." with his arms outstretched for emphasis. "It's plenty big for us all!"

Tiger says, "I don't know..." while jumping onto it and bounces further away until his feet feel the softest spot. He lays down and says, "...I really like to streeettch out!" while extending his arms and legs out as far as he can. With one leg crossed over the other and his paws behind his head, he says, "I guess it'll be just fine..." then instantly goes into a nap.

From what might as well be a mile away, Quillo's voice sounds small when he asks, "What? I can't hear you over the curvature of our new bed."

The others find covers to drape over their large beds and join Tiger and go to sleep.

When they wake up, they feel better than they have in a year.

Tiger is the first to remark, "This is fantastic!"

Boombata: "I never known such comfort was ev'n pos'ble..."

Scarlet: "I've never had a better night's sleep..."

Rachel: "I still don't get why someone would throw away perfectly good mattresses?"

When Sam emerges from the covers, to say "Yeah! I don't get it!" Everyone gasps and a few yell in horror.

The squirrel's face has become abnormally swollen, his cheeks look like they have a baseball inside of each side of his mouth, it looks like he had grown a chin on his left cheek and another above his eyes, one of the latter is swollen and the other is still normal.

Ronny: "Dad! Sam is having an allergic reaction!"

Quillo: "To what?!"

That's when the animals feel like something is crawling on them. They all jump out of their bed and discover the culprits that they shout out loud, "Bed bugs!"

There might be thousands—tens of thousands—of the insects infesting the mattresses! They waited until nightfall to emerge and had their fair share of blood to drink.

One of the pint-sized bed bugs asks the wide-eyed hedgies, "Excuse me, which one of you is the AB Negative? That's my favorite."

Ahniyah: "Good golly, O'Molly! It's no wonder the humans threw these mattresses away!"

AJ: "Yeah! It's infested with yucky bed bugs!"

The lead bed bug scoffs and says, "That's a bit pejorative..."

Another says, "We prefer the term 'Sack Suckers'—as in hitting the sack for bed."

The hedgies look at each other in confusion and then back at the bed bugs whereby Tiger asks, "Um...You prefer 'Sack Suckers?' "

The lead bed bug shakes its tiny head yes and says, "Yeah. We A-B tested it on Tick-Talk, and 93 percent loved 'Sack Suckers.' "

Candance notices a shiny gleam of something that, upon closer inspection, is a video camera. She asks, "You're videoing this?"

The lead bed bug answers, "Hey, my 7,000 kids need new shoes."

AJ: "You're telling me that insects have their own social media page?"

The lead bed bug's mate asks in challenge, "Yeah. What're you gonna do about it?"

Within the hour, the hedgies had used careful timing and risked being spotted by humans to take the necessary effort of dragging the mattresses out of the house and into the street where they burned them. Informing the bed bugs of this plan before carrying it out had made all the insects flee in fear. By the time humans saw the mattresses ablaze, hosed them down, and put them on a roadside curb for garbage collection, nothing salvageable remained.

Now back in the basement, De'Ausha remarks, "Good thang we did that."

Damon: "No kiddin'! Bed bugs're nasty an' really hard ta get rid of."

Ronny: "I think they're worse than cockroaches."

Niara: "How so?"

Ronny: "Because as gross as roaches are, they're big targets that're easy to track and squash. But bed bugs are so tiny that they're nearly impossible to see or crush. And they can hitch a ride anywhere!"

Stella: "Anywhere? I, uh, didn't think any of it until you said that, but...I feel an odd tickling in my ear."

De'Ausha gets out an ear otoscope and looks into Stella's ear. The skunat's eyes narrow into an annoyed look as she asks, "Wellllll, hello you guys..."

A kid bed bug shouts, "Wheeeeee!"

Expecting instant retaliation, an adult bed bug proclaims, "We claim squatters' rights! There! You can't disturb us."

Stella: "I claim the right to my own body and am givin' you the chance ta leave NOW, before we use the ear vacuum!"

Adult bed bug: "Party pooper! C'mon y'all, these animals are violent!"

The insects vacate Stella's ear and leave in a huff.

With that fiasco finished, Group 5 gets ready for their day.

---

Like Group 5, the rest of the uninjured animals have to wake up bright and early for today, for it will be a busy one for them. First, the hedgies have to learn the routines of the humans: their work schedules, when and how long they will be away and at their homes, and in what rooms they spend most of their time. Second, the hedgies must obtain more food since they ate all the food in the bags last night. Third, the hedgies have to get plug-in fans, de-humidifiers, extension cords, and sources of entertainment to pass the recovery time stay.

Although Group 1 has enough food for a while with Riley's hypnotism getting them lots of "The Big Three Hostess Snacks," not all the animals can eat those. The monitor lizards are carnivores who must eat meat. With their main source of food like insects and fish no longer available, protein from the refrigerator and pantry is their only option. The beavers are not only herbivores, but with such a healthy-food-conscious mother like Brooke, they are forbidden to eat the Twinkies, Ding-Dong's, and Oh-No's."

Stevie and Alan had asked nicely if they could just have only one, but Brooke responded with, "Once you've had just one taste, you'll be addicted for life. And since we can't get as much exercise while cooped up here, you'll just gain weight."

Being the compromising, peacemaking guy he is, Hubert had successfully bargained with, "But when we return to the woods, you can have just one—as long as you work off the food with a lot of swimming."

While it seems like Group 1 has things easier with so much food already and only a few other things to get, their task is still going to be hard because the humans in the house are an older retired couple. Without jobs, they stay at home most of the day, leaving Group 1 with little time to get what they need. But on the plus side, that made observing the two humans' routine very easy.

Note: the following segments are based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated April 15, 2024.

Heather and RJ are looking through an air vent into a living room where the humans of their house are having breakfast in front of the TV. Heather asks, "When was the last time we raided a house?"

RJ: "Since the Changs. With all the stuff that's been going on since then, it feels like it's been months, when it's not even been three weeks..." (Hunches over and speaks in a tone of disappointment) "But in that short timeframe, the snack situation is getting dire...The humans are switching to healthier options."

The husband and wife of Group 1's house are side-by-side on fully reclined chairs eating an oven-baked pizza that the husband has resting on his big gut. While raising a slice, the husband asks, "Y'know what this pizza needs?"

His wife raises a tall can in the air and announces what it is when she answers, "Even more whipped cream."

Heather rolls her eyes and says, "Some humans have switched to healthier diets."

RJ on the other hand couldn't be happier as his posture perks up, he opens his arms wide, and says in a voice of pure infatuation, "My kind of people!"

After finishing their whipped cream pizza breakfast, the husband says, "I'm gonna go pick up Georgy from the Bernstein's house. I bet he's dying to get back to home sweet home."

Wife: "I'll come with you. You'll need someone to help load and unload all of his toys and climbing equipment."

Husband: "Okay." (Condescending tone) "Just don't break your hip again."

Wife (condescending tone): "And don't crack your wrist again, either."

The humans get off of their recliner chairs and head into their garage. As soon as the door connecting the house to the garage is closed, RJ tells the others, "Okay gang. Those who aren't injured, it's now's our chance to get what we need. I don't know how long they'll be gone for, so let's move as fast as possible."

Uninjured animals in unison: "Right!"

Heather: "Actually, if those two humans' lack of skin tone is any indication, they don't like spending time outside. So you can, like, climb down and up into the attic using the outside ways."

Eric: "Now I'm just going off on Heather's hunch, but I think she's got the right idea: what's even better is if you folks aren't finished bringing in everything by the time the two humans get back, y'all can just head outside and stay below the windows. As long as the homeowners stay inside, there's not much fear of you getting caught."

RJ: "Got it. We need at least one of you wounded folks to keep watch over that wooden seam" (points) "that overlooks the driveway and tell us when the couple returns using this walkie talkie."

Caleb's mother, Frances, and father-in-law, Jim, raise a clawed hand and say, "We will," in unison.

RJ nods yes and gives a brief smile and says, "Good." After handing the walkie talkie over to the elder monitor lizards, he tells the heisting animals, "C'mon. Time's a-wasting."

The animals open up the wooden circular-window-shaped attic seams that leads to the outside and climb down to the ground.

Aleshia: "I just thought of something once we get inside the house. How about we split up with half of us going through back of the house and the other going through the front? We'll be able to obtain more things from more areas of the house at the same time."

RJ: "I love having lots of raccoons in this family, because It means I don't have to come up with all the ingenious ideas myself."

After lockpicking the back door, the heisters divide into two smaller groups with the ones in the front rooms looking for electronics and entertainment sources, and the ones in the back rooms looking for food. Just when the ones in the back have finished loading all the food they need, and the ones in the front have gotten a large plug-in fan, de-humidifier, extension cords, DVD player, a stack of board games, and various movies, the walkie talkie buzzes on.

Jim's voice: "Their car is pulling into the driveway. We're going to radio silence until you get back up here, but get out now!"

If that wasn't enough to make the heisters' rush, the sound of the opening garage door gets them to use their figurative scramjets. Thankfully, even the older ones are still plenty spry enough to exfil the house while carrying their loads. Everyone is in the backyard in no time. Time is also on their side because the married couple has a lot to unpack from their car. The instant the humans open the car doors to do that, the heisters pick up the scent of something that smells an awful lot like the monitor lizards. They use their well-tuned senses to learn all they can.

Husband's voice: "And here we are Georgy. Back home where you belong!"

Wife's voice: "You missed being here, didn't you?"

The third voice speaks in the language only understood by animals, meaning that this "Georgy" is a pet.

Georgy's voice: "I sure did! It's so good being home!"

After the door connecting the garage to the house opens, the husband says, "Run along into the living room while we unpack all your stuff. You're gonna love how good the house smells after we had it cleaned the other day."

When Georgy makes it into the living room, he gasps and exclaims, "Holy guacamole! Someone ransacked the home!"

While Georgy verbally lists what has been stolen—showing that he knows the house better than anyone—the hedgies tune him out as they quietly converse.

RJ: "I thought Kale and Sarl said there weren't any pets here."

Hubert: "But the humans had cleaned their house, so neither wolf could pick up Georgy's scent."

Roger: "But Kale could, even through all the cleaner—unless he was injured so badly after fighting the predators that he couldn't fully concentrate."

Aleshia: "And Sarl was fighting off his exhaustion."

Brooke: "Either way, it doesn't matter. We've gotta be extra careful while staying here. You've got de-scenting spray that hunters use, right Mr. RJ?"

RJ rummages through his bag while saying, "Yeah. Right here." When he pulls out the bottle of spray, his eyes widen and a knot of dread forms in his gut. "It's empty...And we aren't exactly in the safest place to get some more."

Riley: "I'll just hypnotize the humans in their sleep again to so they can get us some more."

RJ: "I really love having lots of raccoons in this family. Especially magicians."

The human wife's shouting makes the hedgies refocus on eavesdropping.

Wife: "What happened to our food?! There's no way we already ate it all."

Husband: "Have you been sneaking late night snacks?"

Wife: "How dare you accuse me, Mr.-Late-Night-Wal-Mart-junk-food-spree-buyer!"

Husband: "I told you, I was sleep walking!"

Wife: "Which you've never done before. Now that's a suspicious red flag if I say so myself."

The hedgies hear Georgy mumble, "Aye-aye-aye...Esses Gringos...Eles estão fazendo isso de novo," in a sudden Hispanic-sounding accent that is similar yet different from what they are used to hearing. Although everyone knows what "Gringos" and "Aye" means, they are completely lost as to what the rest means.

Note: Georgy had said "These Gringos…They're going at it again." I won't reveal the language here so there won't be any spoilers for his character soon on.

Husband: "Okay, Madame Sherlock. If you're so smart, how did all our food suddenly disappear?"

Wife: "Someone must've broken into our house and stolen it."

Husband: "Did you forget to lock all the doors again?!"

Wife: "We were only going two blocks away—a two minute drive—and it only took us a few extra minutes to load all of Georgy's stuff, then we came back here after another two minute drive. We weren't even gone 10 minutes!"

Husband: "It takes only one second for a burglar to open an unlocked door! You might as well have said, 'You wanna rob my house? Here's the key!' "

Wife: "Well, Mr. Drama Queen, all they stole from us was our food. Be thankful that that's all they wanted."

Husband: "We're only lucky by the skin of our teeth. They could've found our checkbooks and if they did, presto: access to our bank account numbers!"

Having had enough, Georgy makes a low, guttural click-hiss that silences the arguing couple.

Wife (embarrassed): "Oh...We did it again..."

Husband (ditto): "Sorry for scaring you, Georgy."

The animals' senses give them the image off both humans picking up Georgy and hugging him while hugging each other.

Wife (lighter tone): "But we can always count on you to let us know when we've taken it too far."

Husband (ditto): "You're the glue that holds this marriage together."

After putting Georgy down, the humans spell out their new plan.

Husband: "We're not going to fix the problem if we stay here and argue."

Wife: "We can only fix it by going to the grocery store."

Husband: "I'll make sure all the doors are locked. You get the car ready."

Wife: "Okay."

The hedgies stay out of sight while the husband locks and deadbolts the back door. They don't move until after the sound of the car driving away passes through their ears. But the instant that happens, Georgy raises his voice while walking toward the nearest window which is exactly where the animals are hiding under.

Georgy: "I know you're there. I heard and smelled you the moment you opened your mouths. Show yourselves now, or I guarantee to let my owners know about you."

With a sigh, the hedgies step out so that Georgy can see them. They also finally see Georgy and are surprised that he is not the pet they were expecting. Instead of the typical dog or cat, Georgy is a large green iguana. He is indeed green, save for his dorsal spines, hindlegs, and tail which are more orange-yellow. But most peculiar is that he is wearing a miniature sombrero on his head. The entire brim around the sombrero has an orange wave-like pattern, while the rest of it is a solid tan color.

Georgy's eyes narrow as he rhetorically asks, "So you're the thieves?"

Brooke: "But we can explain why we had to steal from your house. It was to save the lives of our friends and family after they were attacked by a group of deadly predators."

Georgy's nostrils flare as he blows air out and sucks air in. He then says, "And they are in the attic. You're lucky that humans' sense of smell isn't as developed as mine."

RJ: "Tell me about it. If they could, all our previous heists would've been harder than usual."

Georgy: " 'Previous heists'...? Wait, are you the animals that—? What am I saying, of course you are. The famous 'Animal Raiders of the Suburbs...' Scumbags, more like it. You're so lazy that instead of foraging for food like real wild animals, you steal from humans."

Ellie: " 'Lazy?' You're one to talk, pet. All your food is brought to you. You never have to work for anything. But stealing from humans takes more time, thought, and energy than it does to find food in the wild."

Georgy's curious accent returns when he goes, "Ahhh! ENOUGH of the STUPID arguing! I have to deal with that crap every moment, of everyday, all day, all YEAR from my owners! It drives me completamente louco!"

Note: "Completamente louco" means "completely crazy" in Georgy's native language. Don't worry, the answer will happen soon.

While Georgy pants in rage, Aleshia says in a gentle tone, "Okay. Then we won't argue with you anymore. We overheard your owners' banter, and thought 'How are these people married if they tear at each others' throats every chance they get?' But if you have to handle that all the time, then you're one of the most mentally strongest animals we've ever seen."

Georgy: "Thanks, but you only got a gnat-size taste of what I go through. And because of you all, they locked the door, so I can't go outside and do my favorite thing to ease my mind."

Albert: "RJ's got a lockpick. We'll unlock it for you."

RJ: "Right now, even."

Before Georgy can say anything else, RJ and Albert run to the backdoor and have it opened in less than a minute. Georgy walks out and asks, "Why did you do that for me?"

RJ: "One of my best friends likes to say 'Be kind to the unkind, because they need it the most.' And after having a small taste of what you put up with, you need all the unwind-time you can get."

Georgy's mood switches from angry to curious when he says "After all the threats, insults, and rants I said?"

Albert: "You had a good reason for what you said. You've been carrying a lot of anger and can only get it out in short bursts. I know what that's like, I really do. After my dad was killed, I hung out with this group of daredevil animals who were defiant and rude to our parents. We did lots of bad things to humans to vent out our rage, until our group leaders were killed or captured by a verminator. I don't want that to happen to anyone else—stranger or family."

Georgy (grateful tone): "Obrigado..."

Stevie: "What language is that? We all know Spanish, but is that a Spanish dialect we're unfamiliar with, or a whole 'nother language?"

Georgy: "You American animals are fluent in Spanish?"

The hedgies nod yes, with RJ asking, "¿De donde eres mi amigo reptil?—Where are you from, my reptile friend?"

Georgy: "Hm, you're smarter than most American humans. And I said 'Thank you' in Portuguese. That's the main language of Brazil, where I'm from; not Spanish like most others think."

Riley: "First Spanish, then German, now Portuguese. How many more languages is our family gonna have to learn?"

Alan: "Why do you sound American some times, and Portuguese at other times?"

Georgy: "I lived in Brazil from birth till I turned six. At that age, I was captured and sold to the PetSmart chain in America. I lost most of my accent while hanging around American animals, but it comes back every now and then, especially when I lose my temper. Whenever that happens, I have termed it, 'When the Brazilian gets knocked back into me.' "

Roger: "It sounds just like Kale and his kids. They're wolves of Mexican descent and taught us Spanish."

Georgy: "You are friends with a pack of wolves?"

Roger: "It's a loooooong story. But do you want to hear it now, or have your fun?"

Georgy: "My owners' shopping trips are longer than most, because of their constant bickering, so we actually have lots of time. Please fill me in."

After telling Georgy their stories, the iguana is amazed of all the dangers, friendships, and love this group of animals has. "I wish I had a family like yours...I never knew either of my parents. Mom just laid me and my siblings' eggs, and we were on our own from the moment we hatched."

Riley (surprised): "No mommy or daddy?" (Remorseful) "That's horrible Mr. Georgy."

Georgy: "It was, but I got used to it. And my real name is Jorge—which translates as George in English. But I prefer Georgy, because Jorge is a very easy name for bullies to make fun of while growing up."

RJ: "Then Georgy it is. How about you have your favorite food as a token of our new friendship?"

Georgy: "No worries. I'm not hungry, and the only upside to my owners is that they buy plenty of food for me—and especially themselves. Like I said, right now I want to do my favorite activity."

Hedgies in unison: "What's that?"

Georgy: Heh-heh, wait here. I'll show you."

Georgy goes back into the house where the animals hear various sounds. Before they can pinpoint exactly what it could be, Georgy shoots out of the back door driving an all red, electric play riding lawnmower that slightly resembles a tractor. He waves at them with one clawed hand while holding onto the steering wheel with the other while traveling to one side of the fenced yard. When he turns and travels to the opposite end, he sits in the seat backwards and steers with his tail while covering his eyes with his claws. For his next trick, he puts the mower on cruise control and does a handstand on the seat while his hat is on the tip of his tail.

For his last trick, he drives the mower is a fast lap around the yard while making a turn so sharp that the mower is leaning to its left side, supported only by left front and left back wheels. When he stops in front of the hedgies, his lawnmower expertly falls back onto its four wheels, gleaming in the sunlight. He garners applause and lots of words of praise ("Cool, Whoa, Awesome") from the animals for each of his tricks.

Hubert: "Now that's driving!"

Georgy: "I've had lots of practice, believe you me. I drive so hard to drive out all my angst and rage of living with my owners. But if we have the time, I'd like to meet the rest of your family who are staying in the attic, especially the monitor lizards. Reptiles are not the most common pets in the USA, so any chance to meet one of my fellow bretheren is a treat I don't want to miss."

RJ: "Absol—"

The animals' ears pick up the sound of the humans' car pulling into the driveway.

Georgy: "Next time, then. I gotta get back inside and lock the door back so they don't suspect anything. And don't worry about me ratting you out. Friends don't do that to each other."

RJ: "Thanks Georgy."

Roger: "We look forward to hanging out with you some more."

Georgy: "Me too. Adeus!—Goodbye."

Hedgies in unison: Bye!"

The wild animals then bring their items into the attic and share a story so fun and interesting of meeting their new friend that the ones in the attic forget to be upset that the heisters took so long.

Note: the following segments are based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated April 16, 2024.

Much later, when the married couple is having dinner at the same place as their breakfast, Heather remarks, "We've been watching these two for hours...Do we even know their names?"

RJ speaks in a voice of self-adoration and confidence like the day he came up with the word 'opossacoons' when he says, "Let's just hereby dub them 'Two Total Slobs'...A very fitting title if I do say so myself, because look at how they're using hand mirrors to watch TV because their bellies block their line of sight."

While doing that, the man's and woman's eyes glare in frustration. The man says, "The closed captioning is all backwards!"

The wife says in sarcastic wit, "You can read?"

The husband retorts with, "Sure can. Let me know if any words are too hard for your high school dropout vocabulary."

Georgy climbs up the wife's chair and rests his lower body on her chair's extended footrest, while resting his upper body on the husband's extended footrest.

He licks the husband's feet and brushes the wife's feet gently.

Wife: "Ahhh..."

Husband: "A foot massage…"

Wife: "Thanks Georgy!"

Husband: "You know how to make us happy."

Georgy thinking: "The things I do for some peace and quiet..."

But one thing puts his mind at extra ease, and that's the promise of getting to know the hedgies in the coming days.

Note: For those not familiar with the Over the Hedge comics, Georgy the Iguana is my stand-in for George the shrunken Tyrannosaurus Rex, whose debut in the Over the Hedge comic strip was October 17, 2019 and has been a recurring character ever since. I didn't reuse George for the iguana's name because George is also the name of one of the skunk OC's of mine.

---

At the house where Group 5 is staying, Ronny's homemade periscopes have become the most invaluable resources the animals could ever ask for. Those tools have allowed them to spy on the humans using their eyes in addition to their ears, all without having to leave the safety of their basement hiding spot.

But as is always the case, for every benefit comes a downside. First, the hedgies have learned that the husband and wife have two 11-year-old sons (each born nine months apart) who had come in later today from an out-of-state Sacrament of Confirmation Trip. The boys are at school and the parents are at work today, but this means there are four humans they will have to worry about instead of just two.

Second, their theory of this house having a pet has been confirmed when the husband had gone to a local kennel and returned with the family's pet before leaving again for work. But most surprising is the kind of pet these humans own: a male domesticated skunk.

Ronny voices everyone's bewilderment upon seeing this when he says, "I don't believe it."

Nick, who is also looking through a periscope, pulls his eye away from it and addresses everyone with, "Out of all the animals humans can choose to make pets, why would anyone want to have a pet skunk...?" Aware of how this group has all the skunk-blooded hedgies, Nick quickly makes eye contact with them and adds, "No offense."

De'Ausha: "None taken. We just as confused as you."

Scarlet: "I guess we now know why the family had their house cleaned without their pet skunk in the building."

Robin: "But why would they get it cleaned at all if they have a pet skunk? The house would just smell bad again when they bring it back."

Eiyla: "Only, the house doesn't have the lingering scent of skunk anywhere in it. Otters like me have a great sense of smell, and I couldn't pick up even the slightest scent of skunk."

Stella: "On that note, this whole situation is bad. As a skunk myself, I know how excellent my species' senses of smell and hearing are. There's no way we can stay hidden from that pet."

Boombata: "Then let us confront dee skunk like warriors."

Damon: "Yeah!"

Niara: "We'll show him!"

Sam: "Or her."

Jordan: "No way, y'all. That'll only give ourselves away."

A new voice, muffled from the floor above the hedgies' current position calls out, "I can hear you perfectly, you know."

The whole group sighs in embarrassment because the speaker is the domesticated skunk. The voice is deep and gruff, indicating the age of the mustelid. Said mustelid continues with, "Just so you know, you've picked the wrong house to hide in. My owners aren't exactly what you'd call even-tempered." (2)

The more daring animals smile grimly and muse, "No problem, pal. We'll cross that bridge when we get there." (2)

The domesticated skunk continues, "There's still time to make the wise decision, and vanish before my owners come back. No harm, no foul." He takes an intentional long pause to give the hedgies time to leave. But they all stay because they have no choice. "Last chance," the skunk says. (2)

The short-tempered hedgies think, "Shove it. After what we've been through, you think we're going to leave just 'cause you tell us?" (2)

After making an audible sigh, the pet skunk says, "Fine. Have it your way, lazy freeloaders. I'll ignore whatever you say from here on. But just don't say I didn't warn you." (2)

Now it's the hedgies turn to make an audible sigh. Hammy speaks everyone's thoughts aloud when he says, "Busted..."

Aaron: "He found us out just after he arrived here..."

AJ: "What do we do now?"

Nukalawa: "Like my beloved said, take dee fight to our enemy."

Tiger: "Let's make direct confrontation a last option, shall we. How about I go up there and talk to our 'host'? Try the diplomatic approach?"

Niara: "Be careful, bozorg."

Stella: "No worries. Your 'grandfather' has a way with words. And if worse comes to worse, he's got the speed and reflexes of a cat."

Tiger: "Wish me luck, everybody."

Everyone else gives a thumbs-up and says, "Good luck," in unison.

Tiger nimbly leaps down into the main basement's pit, then leaps up the concrete wall and into the offshoot that takes him to the sawed-out door of the hallway closet. He goes through it and arrives in the back room. After Tiger takes a few steps on the hardwood floor, the pet skunk emerges from the topmost bed (shaped like a square with a hole in the middle) of the climbing tree. Tiger immediately raises an eyebrow at the small size—and obvious young age—of the mustelid. He's clearly not an adult, and has a number of years to go before even becoming a teenager, yet he speaks with the voice of an adult.

The pet skunk is just as surprised. He asks, "You're a cat?"

Tiger: "And you're much younger than you sounded."

The pet skunk jumps down to the floor but keeps his distance from Tiger. "And how'd you get in here?"

Tiger: "My family are quite the resourceful types. But first, let me introduce myself. I am Prince Tigerious Mamhoot Shabaz, or Tiger if it's too much of a mouthful. What is your name?"

Pet skunk: "Why would I tell my name to a stranger? And where's the rest of your stinky family? Don't deny it. I've never smelt so many different yet bad things in my life."

Tiger: "Like most skunks, I see you have quite the attitude. Don't deny that, I am married to one, have a half skunk-half cat daughter who is married to a skunk, and two grandchildren skunks."

Pet skunk: "You married a skunk?"

Tiger: "You do not have to be the same species to fall in love."

Pet skunk: "Is she a pet like me?"

Tiger: "No, my mate is a wild skunk."

Pet skunk: "Eww! So you probably lost your sense of smell hanging around Mrs. Le Pew. There's no way any creature would be able to be around a wild skunk if they value their sense of smell."

Tiger: "I was born without a sense of smell."

Pet skunk: "Ah, so that's the only reason you were able to marry her. If you could smell, you'd have run away for dear life. Without your disadvantage, you'd never marry her willingly. On second thought, your lack of smell would be an advantage. Your disadvantage is choosing to marry a skunk—a disadvantage you created for yourself. Talk about stupid. I thought cats were supposed to be smart."

Tiger: "I fell in love with her for who she is, not because I couldn't smell her. And I do not take too kindly to your attacks against my beloved, Stella, and myself. Yes, she and my family are hiding in the basement from dangerous predators who want us all dead, and as a skunk, she can hear us clearly. I am sure she and they have been listening, and they take any verbal attacks most personally. You'd best take back everything you have said."

Pet skunk: "What're you gonna do about it? Scratch me? I may be small, but I'm very strong. And did you say you're hiding from dangerous predators? There's like a hundred different houses you could've chosen, and out of all them, you chose this one?"

Tiger: "We didn't know there was a pet living here until after we took medical supplies to treat our injured the other night. The cleaning of this house masked your scent."

The pet skunk now gets closer to Tiger so that his insults will hit closer to home. "Well, you and your family sure could benefit from a bath. Yuck-o-rama, you all stink to high Heaven!"

Tiger: "As a skunk, you most likely have an unpleasant odor yourself, so any insult to my family is an insult to you."

The pet skunk puffs his chest out and speaks in boastful pride when he loudly proclaims, "I'm the cleanest, best-smelling skunk in the whole world! I don't stink, and never will! Tell your gross-out skunk family they better 'scat-cat, tail's-on-fire-outta-here', and go back to their stink-hole home in the woods. Because like I said earlier, you seriously, do not want to mess with my owners."

Up until this point, the pet skunk has been so self-enamored with his insults, and so boastful of himself that he has failed to notice De'Ausha and Ladarius standing behind him and have heard everything perfectly. As skunks whose stench is infamous throughout the world, the two are used to being insulted and scorned by other animals. But never would they have ever thought that a fellow skunk would be so ruthless against his own species.

Needless to say, the domesticated animal has sealed his fate.

De'Ausha: "Hey, skunk-hatin' skunk!"

The domesticated skunk yelps and turns around to stare wide-eyed at the mates glaring at him.

Ladarius: "Got some smack-talk ta lay down? Say all that stuff you said 'bout us to our faces!"

Pet skunk: "I-I-I..."

De'Ausha (mimicking her opponent): "I-I-I..." (Normal tone) "What's wrong? Can't insult us when we lookin' at you?"

Ladarius: "How 'bout you act like a real skunk and show that you not all talk?!"

Pet skunk: "Wh-when m-my owners get back, I'll let them know you're h-here and they will—"

De'Ausha: "There you go again. 'Know what yo problem is? You talk big about bein' betta than us, only to hide behind your owners' backs when faced with a real confrontation."

Ladarius: "As a skunk, you should be da opposite: all bite and no bark. You may not smell like a real skunk, but it's betta to stink like a skunk and be a real man, than not stink like a skunk and be a coward!"

De'Ausha: "No worries, darlin'. We gon' solve half of your problem, right heah."

The two turn around with raised tails, but before they can spray, Tiger shouts, "NO! The smell will stink up the house and the owners will know about us."

Pet skunk: "Oh my goodness, thank you—!"

Tiger: "Let's take him outside to the yard and spray him there."

The pet skunk tries to run, but Tiger's cat-like reflexes are as sharp as ever despite his age. Tiger grabs the pet by the arm to prevent him from going anywhere, and one second later, De'Ausha and Ladarius hoist him over their heads. Tiger takes out a lockpick and goes to open the back door of the house. It's at this point that the three hedgies learn another unexpected thing about this skunk.

The pet skunk's voice changes instantly from deep and gruff to high-pitched and chipper as he pleads, "Please don't do it! I'm just a 10-year-old kid! I faked my voice to scare you! I'm sorry for everything I said!"

The adults, however, are undeterred.

De'Ausha (rhetorically): "So you a kid, a coward, and a faker? We gon' whoop you too! Cause 'sorry' isn't enough. You need ta be punished so you clean up yo act."

Ladarius: "We'll spank him first, then gas him."

Tiger has opened the back door and the pet skunk thinks in panic, "Oh my gosh, this is really about to happen! Way to go loudmouth! You're about to get skunked and your owners are gonna be so mad at you!"

Now in the back yard, De'Ausha loosens her grip on the pet skunk and Ladarius forces him to the ground and turns him over so that he is laying on his belly—his rear end completely unprotected. De'Ausha doesn't hesitate and spanks the kid hard with clawed paws.

Ten smacks later, the domesticated skunk is hurting so bad, he can't even run after Ladarius lets go of him. Still crying from a pain he has never experienced before—and still humiliated in a way he never felt before—he is caught by complete surprise when hit in the face by Ladarius's and De'Ausha's skunk spray. The stench is so powerful, it causes him to pass out.

Ladarius mutters, "No one insults my precious mate and her respected parents."

De'Ausha: "Now that we have punished him, we gotta find a way to keep his owners from questionin' how he got outside a locked door."

After a few moments of silent deliberation Ladarius says, "Y'all ever watch the show Cops? Let's make the house look like a burglar came in."

Tiger and his daughter nod yes, with the Persian cat adding, "We are technically doing that, and the family will notice several items missing."

De'Ausha: "Let's take it a step further by turnin' tables over, and openin' clothing drawers that we'll scatter."

Ladarius: "And we open a window to 'splain how their pet got outside and how our imaginary burglar got inside."

Tiger: "Much better than breaking it down because the humans will assume they forgot to lock a window. A common oversight."

The three go back into the house, tell the other uninjured animals the coast is clear, and everyone carries out their raid for the items they need while also creating a crime scene that will baffle even the most intelligent human.

Hours later, when the humans get back, the animals' plan works.

When the boys' mother bring them home from school, she screams, "Aigghhhh! Someone came and robbed our house!"

The older son named Cody, joins her follow-up scream, while the younger one named Brody smiles and says, "Cool!"

Cody: "How can you say that?!"

His brother replies, "Because it's like playing Al Capone." In the stereotypical mob boss accent that cartoons are known for, the kid goes, "Myah, see, myah. I'm gonna rob you's house inside out see, myah."

Cody reminds him, "All our stuff might be taken!"

Brody replies, "Oh, I see now."

The duet of screams turns into a trio as he joins his mom and brother. When they finally finish screaming, the mom says, "Listen boys, we'll stay together as we go through the house to see what's been taken."

Cody: "Aren't you gonna call 911 first? What if the burglar is still inside somewhere, mom?"

Mom: "Then we show 'em to never mess with a family of blackbelt karate students."

The mother strikes numerous kung fu poses while making noises like Bruce Lee. Her sons follow her example. Brody concludes with, "911's for sissies!"

Cody says, "If we call 911, it'll be for an ambulance to pick up one bludgeoned burglar!"

The hedgies in the basement who have been listening in gulp as their minds collectively realize, "So this is why the pet skunk talked so highly about his owners..."

As if the humans are psychic, there are light footsteps and mostly rapid Whoosh! sounds as they flip and wall jump around the house's rooms and hallways, strike a combat-ready pose, then acrobat their way out of the area they just searched and move on to a new area.

Cody reports, "Clothes thrown around the place in here."

The mom reports, "Some of our space fans, extension cords, and de-humidifier have been stolen from here."

Brody reports, "Tables turned over and cabinet drawers are on the floor, but nothing important has been taken. No money, jewels, or silverware."

Cody suddenly gasps and says, "Stewie! Where's Stewie?!"

Brody comes running into the same room as his sibling and shouts, "Stu-art! Where aaaaaarrre yooooooou?"

The mom comes somersaulting into the room at her boys and says, "Look! The window has been left open. That's how the burglar got inside."

Cody says, "And if he took our Stewie-Wooey, he'll wish he'd never been born!"

The boys dive out of the window then get into an attack-ready pose once on the ground outside like action movie stars. They instantly smell something horrible.

Brody: "Pee-Yew! What's that gosh-awful stench?"

Cody: "It's coming from this way. Follow me!"

The two run to the backyard where they breathe a sigh of relief after seeing their pet skunk rolling around in some dirt he had dug up in a vain effort to try to get rid of the stench. After seeing his best friends, Stuart yips happily and tries running forward so he can leap into their welcoming arms. Sadly for the mustelid, the brothers back away and hold up their hands in a stop gesture.

Cody: "No no! Stay where you are, Stu. You stink!"

Brody: "You think he—"

Cody: "Not a chance. The vet had his stink glands removed when we bought him. He was skunked by another skunk."

Upon overhearing this, De'Ausha, Ladarius, and Tiger feel a bit guilty for gassing (or helping to gas for the latter) a skunk with no defense. Had they known...

"No," their minds conclude, "that kid needed to be punished for how rude he was...But maybe we were too hard on him?"

By now the mother has opened the back door and says, "I heard you found Stewie—OH! That stink is something fierce!"

Brody: "He got skunked mom."

Cody: "How do we get the smell to go away?"

The mother points at the older brother to say, "Cody, go get some hydrogen peroxide and dish soap from the laundry room." She then points at the younger brother to say, "Brody, go get some baking soda and measuring cups from the kitchen. I'll stay out here and get a water bucky ready. Once you've brought me that stuff, go back inside and straighten up the house."

Brody (whining): "Aw, but that's the harder job!"

Their mom counters with, "You do NOT want to bathe Stu because I'll soon smell just as bad, and it's better to wash one set of skunked clothes than two."

Brody: "Good point, mom."

Brody and Cody nod yes and go back into the house to carry out their latest chores.

Meanwhile, the hedgies in Group 5 quietly converse about what to do now that they've learned they're staying in a house full of karate masters, which takes about two hours. The mustelids rule out using their "chemical weapon" because it would not only confirm the hedgies' location, but also make the martial arts family more vengeful toward them. The hedgies vote against moving to another house for the second time today because it would make the injuries worse.

Their thoughts are interrupted when the humans (now accompanied by the father) start shouting at Stuart.

Father: "It's all your fault letting the burglars in and trash our home, Stuart!"

"It's not my fault!" Stuart tries to plead, but the humans can't understand him.

Mother: "Skunks are supposed to be threatening, not pushovers!"

Stuart (in animal language): "The real culprits are downstairs!"

Cody: "And what kind of animal is stupid enough to get himself skunked?!"

Stuart (in animal language): "If you'd just listen to me!"

Brody: "Dumb, worthless, skunk!"

Stuart (in animal language): "I'll show you where they are!"

Father: "Well, as punishment for all the trouble you allowed to befall us today, you're going to bed without dinner, Stuart!"

Stuart (in animal language): "After all I've been through?!"

Mother: "And your bed won't be the comfy pet bed. Oh no, it'll be on the cold, hard, uncomfortable tiles in the cramped hallway closet!"

Father: "But before that, let's vent out our rage. It's unhealthy to keep it bottled up."

Brody: "Yeah!"

Stuart (in animal language): "No! Please! Don't!"

Cody: "Let's give him a good scare he'll never forget!"

He tries to run away, but the "Swift Kung Fu Family Robinson" leap around and cut off any exit. One by one, each family member chases the frightened skunk while screaming at him-sounding more like savage animals than most predators of the wild. They end by tossing him into the closet and slamming the door hard, and saying, "Stupid animal..." as the finishing touch. Stuart tries to beg them to let him out, but the humans ignore him and go about their normal nighttime routines. Heartbroken and hungry, Stuart ends up crying himself to sleep.

After hearing all of this, it makes, AJ—the son of the most war-mongering mink, Robin—have an astounding revelation of his own.

AJ: "Those human jerks remind me of my mom. They want their pet to be perfect, blame him for something out of his control, and take out their anger on the innocent. Don't they know the old saying, 'violence begets more violence?' "

Now, De'Ausha, Ladarius and Tiger feel truly guilty for how they treated the kid.

De'Ausha: "If we had known his owners would get this steamed at him..."

Ladarius: "We wouldn't have gassed him, or staged their house like a robbery."

Tiger: "We cannot justify what we did to him as a fitting cost for us to remain hidden..."

AJ then comes up with the breakthrough that just might work. "Why do we always need to fight our enemies? That's what my mom always taught me, and look where it got us: I got the crap beaten out of me multiple times, and she got poisoned by a snake venom-tipped porcupine quill. Can't we turn our enemies into our friends? It's the least thing the humans would expect."

Everyone is shocked by the suggestion, but grateful all the same.

Nick: "That's brilliant son!"

Robin: "Nothing has made me happier than you proving me wrong after all these years."

Surprised that his parents are complimenting instead of scolding him, AJ responds in confusion, "Um, thanks mom and dad..."

Quillo: "Our enemy to turn into a friend: Stuart the skunk."

De'Ausha: "It won't be easy aft'ah what we did to 'im, but we got no betta suggestions. And I have a good idea of how to get it done."

Later that night, after the humans have gone to bed, De'Ausha and Ladarius quietly move the sleeping skunk kit down into the basement where they gently wake him up.

Stuart gasps and violently jerks awake, while asking, "What the?! Where am I?! How'd I get?!—" After seeing Ladarius and De'Ausha, Stuart's tone changes bitter as he says, "Oh, it's you. Thanks to you my owners blamed me for everything you did!"

De'Ausha: "Yes, we overheard. And we wanna say that we're sorry for everything that's happened to you."

Ladarius: "Your owners' plight is our fault, and yet, you're the one who's paid the penalty."

Stuart: "Darn right it's your fault! But I don't understand why they'd turn on me so fast?! They've never been this mean to me before! I've been living with them for seven years, and they still don't understand me!"

De'Ausha: "We wanna make it up to you."

Stuart: "Then leave this home and never come back!"

Tiger: "If we do that, how will you ever get back in good graces with your owners?"

Stuart: "Huh?"

Ladarius: "We want to make a deal with you. First off, see all our injured family?"

Ladarius motions behind himself while stepping out of the way so Stuart can see the poor conditions that the injured animals are in. Needless to say, it's so bad that Stuart goes, "And I thought I had it bad. At least my owners didn't abuse me."

AJ: "I know all too much about abuse, kid. I've had all I can stand and I can't stand it anymore. That's why I thought it would be better if we befriended you instead of repeat the never-ending cycle of human-on-animal violence."

Ladarius: "Here's our deal: if you let us stay here until we've fully recovered—and help us stay hidden from your owners—we'll make sure your owners never misjudge you again."

Stuart: "How?"

Rachel: "By making you a hero. Wanna know the details?"

Stuart: "I sure would!"

After explaining their plan, Stuart is so fascinated and eager to get better treatment, that it's impossible to refuse. He does have one question, however.

Stuart: "But why are you doing this for me?"

De'Ausha: "My mama said, 'Skunks should stick together. So many animals hate us that the only ones who understand us are our fellow species.' "

Stuart: "But I'm not a real skunk...My stink glands were surgically removed. I mean, what human would ever get a pet skunk and not do that?"

Boombata steps forward and says, "You need only re'claim what you lost."

Nukalawa follows suit and says, "And we teach you how."

Stuart: "I don't understand how that's possible, but I do like the sound of that."

Ladarius offers his paw and asks, "So we have a deal?"

Stuart shakes Ladarius's paw and says, "Deal!" with a smile on his face.

Niara then steps forward and says, "The welcome ta our family!"

Stuart's eyes widen and his heart flutters at the sight of the most beautiful skunk he's ever seen. Instantly smitten, he stammers out, "Oh, I-I-I...Th-thank you..."

Niara giggles and says, "My name's Niara. This is my brother Damon. Meet da rest of our crew!"

After introductions are made, Group 5 puts Stuart back where his owners had placed him and they all get some shuteye. They're going to need it to pull off their plan for tomorrow.

But Naira has a tough time sleeping because she can't stop thinking about the young and handsome Stuart. His blue eyes, the pattern of his stripes, his curly whiskers, and even his sweet aroma. She makes it her mission to get to know him better, especially because she seems to have a special effect on him.

Note: (2)=Based on Aliens: Original Sin by Michael Jan Friedman.

And I want to give another thanks to Shkiper for suggesting the pet skunk and most of the events that happened with him in this chapter.

---

Although the animals of Group 2 don't have to contend with pets, their situation is made very difficult by how the mother is on maternity leave and must stay at home all day with her new baby.

Like Verne said, "We only have a few timeframes—each with very little time—to get the stuff we need."

Velma finished the statement, "When the mother is nursing the baby, putting her down for a nap, or taking the baby with her on an errand."

The animals have passed the wait time for their opportune moment by having Fred the Wood Tick tell them all about the group of predators—in his most quiet voice volume, because even if the humans can't understand his words, his loud voice could shake objects and break glass.

In addition to telling them the backstories of the predators, Fred tells the hedgies a CliffsNotes version of the predators' standing amongst each other, as well as his personal recommendations of what to expect from them or how to defeat them.

Fred: "The bears are the leaders, the strategists, and the strongest. Take them out, and the others will be like soldiers without a commanding officer.

"The wolves and coyotes are the muscles, the lap dogs; the first to fight when told to sic 'em. The difference is that the wolves prefer sneak attacks and the coyotes fight openly.

"The smartest of the bunch are the foxes. Think of 'em like the mastermind of the Saw movies: they love playing deadly games. They're like the generals to the bears' CO. When they're all dead, even the bears will have a hard time coming up with good tactics.

"The snakes are the most hateful, and just need one bite for their venom to kill. But the long S-emphasis makes them slow talkers. Get them to monologue for an opportunity to attack.

"The most dangerous are the owls because they can fly and don't care if they or their allies live or die. They don't have any exploitable weaknesses, so I say take them out first."

"The most prideful and easy to anger are the hawks, so damaging their ego is the key to turn them into dumb missiles with one-track-minds.

"The most agile are the mountain lions and bobcats, so try to fight them in open ground without nearby trees for them to climb.

"The ravens are the most defensive because their super strength is the weakest of the whole group, so they prefer hit-and-run tactics."

After Fred finishes, Verne says, "Now that you've told us what you know about the predators, our deal is consummated. You can get off my arm now."

Fred: "No it's not. We said I'd help you track them down. That won't happen until your family can return to the woods."

Verne: "Darn it, I was hoping you had forgotten that. Ok, you can stay."

Fred clamps his mandibles back down on Verne's arm.

The animals then hear the sound of footsteps, the front door opening and closing, and a car starting.

Emily: "She's leaving the house! Now's our chance!"

The uninjured animals don't waste any time going upstairs and getting the food and items they need.

Note: The following is based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated October 25, 2023.

Needing a distraction from the annoying feeling of Fred attached to his arm, Verne texts Quillo's phone number and discovers, to his relief, that the humans aren't in Group 5's house either, (at the time of his call) so he can do a video call.

Verne: "Let me speak to Hammy and his family."

After Stella moves the phone so it's facing the squirrels Verne asks, "Hammy, Scarlet, Sam, and Aaron? What's the good word for today?"

With both eyes closed, a smile on his face, his left arm behind his back and his right arm extended outward, Sam proudly says, "Spleen!"

Scarlet: "Atta boy, son!"

Hammy: "Let's say it together!"

Scarlet: "Long and loud!"

Aaron: "One, two, three..."

Verne and the squirrels say "SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" together. They all giggle in unison when it's over. Verne has the most fun, needing the laughs more than anyone present.

"I felt a little tickle in my spleen!" Verne says with his eyes closed and a hand over his shell at that particular spot.

Hammy: "I know!"

Scarlet: "There's a saying my mate and boys have taught me. Say it kids!"

Sam: "You can't tickle yourself..."

Aaron: "...But you can tickle your spleen!"

Verne raises his head high into the air and gives out another loud and long, "SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEN!" before bursting out into more laughter.

Just shouting out loud for the first time in two days is therapeutic enough, but the humor adds even more enjoyment.

When the animals finish raiding, they return to the basement feeling happy for the first time in a what feels like a long time.

---

At Group 3's house, the kids have been keeping a close watch on the human family members through the vents and writing down their routines. Reagan and Ro-J are in the room of an unruly teenage girl who seems disinterested in everything but her phone. It took a lot of reminders and warnings from her parents to get her to prepare for school. Her favorite color is black, her hair is dyed purple, and she has posters of emo bands on her walls.

Max, Wendy, Wyatt, and Jessie have observed a younger brother who is the sister's polar opposite. The son is obedient, excited about going to school, interested in everything except electronics, wears colorful clothes, and has posters of sports stars on his walls.

Lucas, Marty, and Kelly have been monitoring the adults, and from this have learned why the human kids are the way they are. The father is an extrovert, works in the sports merchandising business, was a former college football player, and won the "biggest party animal" award in his high school yearbook. The mother is a quiet and shy, but intellectual introvert; works as a sound designer for video games, and was really into goth rock while at high school.

Kelly: "The classic odd couple..."

Marty: "And odder kids."

Lucas: "Let's tell our parents we need to make our move when the humans leave for work and school. And we'll have all day to get what we need once they're gone."

The kids nod, and after going back to relay the information they have learned and waiting for the humans to leave, Ty, Rick, Luby, Amber, and Jack vote to stay behind and take care of the wounded. Bernard, Pat, Reagan, Ro-J, Kelly, Grace, Jacoby, and Maury move into the entertainment room below the attic hatch. They obtain the two gaming consoles and the videogames, a power strip with two extension cords, a DVD player and DVDs, magazines, books, and even a few seat cushions—all with ease.

Things get more challenging when they go downstairs to obtain food, fans, and de-humidifiers. For starters, the panty and refrigerator are locked with rotating disk locks. Then, there is only one small fan and no de-humidifiers, so if the animals do not want to live in a hot and stuffy attic they need to somehow make the humans buy those items.

Kelly: "If only BU Roger, BA Aleshia, and my BCs Riley and Ellie were around. They could hypnotize the humans."

Grace: "That's their gimmick. We need a more practical approach. And I think I have just the right kind of idea."

Jacoby: "We all ears."

Grace: "If we must suffer from the heat in the attic, let's make the humans suffer too by cutting the home's AC wiring."

Pat: "I see. That'll force 'em to buy de-humidifiers and better fans while waiting for a repairman to fix the air conditioning."

Kelly: "That might take a while because males like my daddy always wanna 'do it themselves.' So, how do we make sure the human daddy doesn't try to fix it before being forced to call a repairman?"

Grace is so proud of her eight-year-old daughter and how Grace's and Ty's upbringing is turning Kelly into the exact kind of lady that will be successful in life. After giving Kelly a quick hug and kiss, Grace answers, "By making it obvious that the wires have been cut, and that the problem is out of the human dad's league. Bernard, you've got wire cutters in your bag, right?"

It takes Bernard only one second to reach into his bag, hold up the tool, and reply, "Yep." After taking his bag off to lighten his load, he then says, "I'm on it."

While the rest of the animals work on getting the locks on the pantry and fridge picked, Bernard goes to the nearby hallway wall-mounted AC control panel. He knows what he must do: pull it out, snip the wires, then put the panel back while making sure the cut wires will be dangling down.

Suddenly, he stops himself from doing that and uses his raccoon-inherited intellect to go the extra mile to ensure the humans will be forced to buy fans and de-humidifiers. "AC control panel wires can be replaced in about one to two hours. But if we destroy AC units outside, that will take at least one day to order new units, set them up, and re-wire the house. And to destroy the outside units, we need to have the control panels working for now."

With his mind made up, he heads back downstairs to tell the family of his plan. He is surprised to see them still trying to work on the locks.

Having taught the family members how to pick locks, Bernard knows the locks must be too advanced for the picks he carries. But being a raccoon (and especially RJ's son), he decides to have a little fun by sarcastically asking, "Need me to give it a try?"

Pat, who is currently fiddling with the pantry lock looks at Kelly and says, "You sure hit it spot-on when you said all men are Mr. Do-It-Themselves, Kelly." She then looks at Bernard to say, "The lock picks you have can't crack these kinds of locks."

Being a spotted skunk who are superior climbers for the skunk species, Jacoby has been trying to pick the refrigerator lock and has overheard what Bernard and Pat said. Jacoby now adds, "Yo lockpicks are suited fo' openin' doors, not combo locks."

Reagan: "So what do we do about getting more food?"

Maury: "We do it the old fashioned way: watch the humans as dey open the locks ta see what numbahs unlock 'em, den come back later to get the food."

Bernard: "This works out for the better, because I need everyone's help to destroy the AC units outside."

After sharing his plan, the others agree there is nothing else they can do right now, and decide to help him out. They make a quick detour to get the one small fan into the attic for the animals still up there, and then go out onto the roof to scout out where the AC units are. They quickly discover the second floor's unit resting on top of an elevated platform on the side of the house.

They are about to start their dismantling operation with that unit, when the sound and scents of humans approaching the house's front door gets the animals to get low and stay quiet. Their fur protects them from the roof's searing heat, but nothing will protect them if it's Pierre or Dilbert who will sniff them out. Because of this fear, the animals use their senses to the fullest and discover that there are two human men who get their own special tools out of their pockets that they use to try and force the front door open—meaning these men are burglars.

They're not the average bumbling kind either, because one of the tools a man gets out of a backpack he is wearing is a pump designed to pop locks from cars. The animals collectively muse, "A lock specialist as a burglar...It makes perfect sense."

Unfortunately for the burglars they lack common sense, because they forgot that people these days are aware that most robberies happen in the middle of the day.

The animals and humans jolt in surprise simultaneously when the human mother's voice materializes somewhere near the door and says, "Say 'cheese!' " in a tone of bitter humor. She then talks seriously when she continues with, "And you better start running, because I'm sending the video footage of your ugly mugs straight to the cops."

First burglar's voice: "Oh crap, a door camera!"

Second burglar's voice: "A well-hidden one too! Look, it's the same color as the paint!"

Frist burglar's voice: "Let's get outta here!"

Second burglar's voice: "Right with ya!"

The two run away and drive off in their car parked on the side of the road in front of the house next door. Neither burglars nor animals know that the wife had bluffed about sending the footage to the police, because her door camera footage must be obtained from the door camera itself, but her fib had the desired effect. What does matter to the animals is that there is a door camera somewhere on the front porch, which is just as big a threat to them as it was to the burglars. Having encountered door cameras in the past, the hedgies know the camera can pick up sound from 100 feet away—say, like from the loud destruction and dismantling of AC units.

Bernard: "The mother will hear the noise and then call the cops, even if she can't see us."

Pat: "And she just proved that she's always listening and watching, even from her job."

Ro-J: "What do we do, now?"

Jacoby: "My imagination's tryin' ta work, but we can't stay out here fo' too long. Those verminators or just regulah passerby's could see us."

Maury: "And any humans still home'll look over once dey hear the racket."

Thankfully, Grace's mode of thinking pulls through in their time of need.

Grace: "Stop using your imaginations like my brother- and sister-in-law, and think more realistically. We'll have our kids—Kelly, Reagan, and Ro-J—go to the front porch and cause a loud distraction by pretending to fight. That noise will drown out the sound of us adults dismantling the AC units."

Bernard: "Same problem, though. The noise they make might attract humans."

Grace: "Which is why we adults need to be quick. And to do that, we need to closely examine the AC units before we get to work on them."

With each second outside increasing their chances of being detected by humans (especially the verminators' noses), the adults say, "Ok," in unison and go over to the elevated AC unit first to give it a good look. Five minutes later—long enough for each of the adults to understand the unit inside and out—they all go to the ground and locate the first floor AC unit in the back yard of the house. This one only takes three minutes of examining since it's the same make, just slightly different in that it's bigger and has three sets of fans instead of one.

Bernard puts his bag on the ground and gives out tools while explaining what to do. "Use these wire cutters to clip the grating away. Then toss some nearby stones into the spinning fans to mess them up. Once the fans are destroyed, then cut the wires and big tube. After that, chew the dead wires up so that they are frayed, not just cut. Finally, use hammers and wrenches to bash up the outer hull as hard as you can."

Bernard now looks at Reagan, Ro-J, and Kelly to say, "Wait for one of us to tell you when to go to the front porch where the camera is. When y'all get there, you three go absolutely crazy. Be as loud as you can and act as mean as possible. Scratch up the porch while you're at it, too. But the instant you see humans try to approach you, come running back to us and climb the fence into the next yard."

Ro-J: "Why not climb up the roof and into the attic?"

Kelly: "Because then the humans will know where we are."

Reagan: "You're right. Better to make them think we came from the woods than from a house."

Bernard: "Exactly."

Pat: "We're counting on you three. Do your best to act your worst."

Bernard looks at the adults and says, "Once we've cut the grating, I'll give Luby and Rick a call to tell them to turn on the AC units from inside the house. That'll get the fans spinning. Make sure they're spinning at full speed before putting stones in them, and get clear as soon as you're done dropping them in, just in case pieces of stone eject out of the AC unit."

Grace: "Yeah. The last thing we need is more wounded to take care of."

Bernard: "How's about Jacoby and I take out the unit on the ground level, while Pat, Grace, and Maury work on the second-floor one?"

Pat thinking: "Good call. Even a two-story height will wig you out, Bernard." (Out loud) "Yes. But to do that, you need to give me your bag so I can put stones in it, along with the tools I'll carry up there."

Bernard: "Great idea. So, we're all good? Everyone knows what to do?"

Everyone nods yes. Bernard waits for Pat to put some stones in his bag, then for her to put it on. After that, the three groups separate with Pat, Grace and Maury climbing up to the second-floor's AC unit, Bernard and Jacoby go to the one in the back yard, and the three raccoon kits heading toward the front.

Once the grating has been cut away, Bernard phones Luby and Rick and tells them what to do. Two minutes later, the AC unit fans start spinning, and Grace raises her voice to inform the three younger raccoons, "Okay kids. You're on!"

The fans are fully spinning by the time the older animals hear high-pitched screeching, guttural, low-pitched growls, and the sound of hissing, tearing claws, and biting teeth coming from the house's front. They then set to work on their plan.

The raccoon fighting sounds cause many dogs to bark, birds in trees to fly away, and humans to lock their front doors and try to get a look at what's going on behind the safety of their windows. One jogger makes the wise decision to turn around instead of going forward. On the opposite side of the road, a car driver lowers the stereo volume to make sure the loud noises aren't coming from the music, and after hearing what the noises sound like, he violates the speed limit to get out of there.

By now, the stones have damaged or dislodged the AC unit fans, the wires are frayed, the tubes are cut, and the older animals start hitting the units' outsides with their tools.

Despite all the loud banging noises they are making, the older animals' ears perk up—and their anxiety levels go to full capacity—when they hear Reagan scream, "AHHH! Verminators!"

The older animals look in the direction where the kids will be soon running, and get a confirmation of Reagan's words when she, Ro-J, and Grace are being chased by Dilbert and Glenda. The latter has accompanied her boyfriend out of his strong recommendation to get more field experience, which she will certainly enjoy now that they have real vermin to face.

Dilbert: "Pinpointed these rascals' racket from halfway across the suburbs. Nothin' makes more noise, and smells more potent, than raccoons having a fight!"

Glenda: "Geesh, Dill. You're like a dog. Just shup up and shoot."

Both humans take aim with net guns, but are concentrating solely on netting the kits, that they fail to notice the hammers and wrenches being thrown at them from the AC unit's elevated platform located above. Glenda is hit in the leg and shoulder, while Dilbert is hit on the head and back of the neck. Glenda immediately shouts in pain and falls to the ground, but Dilbert is wearing a hard hat and is only momentarily fazed by the blow to the neck. He fires up at Pat, Grace, and Maury, but misses as they jump down.

However, he is wielding a new Verm-Tech weapon whose design instantly fulfills its intended purpose. He has an over-under net gun that has two barrels; able to fire a second net before having to cock the gun to load a new one. His second shot hits Grace in mid-air and instantly wraps her up in a net.

Seeing this, Pat shouts, "Grace! NO!"

Kelly, who is running up ahead stops, turns around, and shouts, "Mommy!"

Grace says, "Keep running, Kelly! Don't look back!"

Kelly, of course, disobeys and runs toward Grace while saying, "No! I'm gonna help you!" But she is then grabbed and picked up by Maury who takes her further into the back yard, ignoring her struggling and verbal demands to, "Put me down! Lemme help mommy out!"

Back with the verminators, Dilbert has cocked his over-under net gun and now aims at Pat. However, he's too late to re-adjust his aim after hearing Glenda yell, "Skunk at 12 o'clock!" because as soon as she finishes, Jacoby hits Dilbert and then Glenda in the eyes with his skunk spray.

Both humans shout, "Ahhh! Right in my eyes!" This gives Pat the time she needs to pull out a knife from Bernard's bag and work on cutting Grace free—or so Bernard's mate thinks. She has just started cutting the net when she hears the humans speak as they start to feel around their jumpsuits with their hands.

Glenda: "Where'd I put that thing?"

Not wanting to find out, Pat cuts as fast as she can.

Dilbert: "It was right around...Aha!"

Dilbert pulls something that looks like a small Lip Balm container. He puts some gel-like substance on his pointer finger and rubs it in his eyes. He then says, "Here ya go, Glenda. Use mine," while handing it over to her.

Dilbert then seethes in pain for about ten seconds, and is then able to open his eyes again. "Works like a charm!" he says joyfully. "Now where are those measly—"

He sighs in disappointment when he notices an empty (and cut) net on the ground. He then sees Grace climb over a fence and drop down from it into the next yard. Dilbert gets to his feet and gives chase. When he jumps over into the next yard, he sees Pat go over a fence to the left, Grace go over a fence to the front, and Jacoby go over a fence to the right. Just as he's about to run to the left, he hears Glenda call out for him.

Glenda's voice: "Dill! I twisted my ankle when I fell down! I need your help!"

Dilbert: "Sorry, babe. I'm on the hunt. But I'll be back soon!"

Glenda's voice: "But don't I—Ok. Fine. Just don't come back empty-handed."

Dilbert runs left and catches a glimpse of Pat's ringed tail going over a fence in front of him. He follows shortly after and lands on a squeak toy. One second later, a St. Bernard dog named Cujo as a nod to his owners' favorite horror movie, emerges from a dog house. To the human ears he is barking, but the animal ears he says a familiar phrase.

Cujo: "Play?!"

Dilbert: "Ohhhhhh, crap..."

Cujo: "Plaaaaaaay!"

The massive dog runs toward Dilbert who scrambles to his feet and gets ready to climb back over the fence, all while Cujo rapidly shouts, "Play, play play, play, play!"

Just as Dilbert touches the top of the fence with his hands, his shirt is griped in Cujo's teeth and the big dog yanks him back down into the yard. Cujo shouts "Play!...Play!...Play!" as he jumps three times on top of Dilbert's back. To Dilbert, it feels like an elephant is stomping on him, sapping him of his strength with each hit. The only good thing is that Cujo isn't trying to harm him. The bad thing is, he plays so darn rough.

Dilbert: "Down boy! Heel! Stop!"

His words are completely ineffective. And he doesn't want to use any weapons on him because one more complaint about pet abuse will shut down Verm-Tech, and there's plenty of evidence that will prove a verminator was here. Instead, Dilbert suddenly remembers the squeak toy!

He is lying on top of it and works his arm to it through the repeated pummeling he is receiving from Cujo. Just when Dilbert thinks he can't take another hit, he grips the squeak toy, and gives it a hard squeeze. Cujo immediately stops and looks in the direction the noise had come from. At that moment, Dilbert throws the toy across the yard, and Cujo follows while giving one more, "PLLLLAAAAYYYYY!"

Dilbert uses his remaining strength to climb over the fence, then takes a few minutes to rest and recover form the pounding he took from the St. Bernard. He silently concludes, "Should've gone back for Glenda..." he stands up and makes his way back to the yard where she is still on the ground holding her ankle.

Glenda asks, "What happened to you?"

Dilbert: "A St. Bernard played with me too hard. The vermin got away. If I had known the dog would give me so much trouble, I'd have come straight back to you. Sorry about that."

Glenda: "It's fine. Plus, being manhandled by that dog counts as your punishment for leaving me. So I'd say we're even."

Dilbert: "No-ot, that St. Bernard was HUGE. A twisted ankle is nothing compared to what I went through."

Glenda looks Dilbert up and down and sees the torn clothes, claw scratches, and shiny-wet drool. Despite this, for some reason, Glenda's mind sourly thinks, "It's too bad I wasn't there to see it..."

She figures it's just anger in the moment, which seems to pass when Dilbert says, "But enough chit chat, c'mon. I'll take you home."

Dilbert helps Glenda get up and puts her arm over his shoulder so he can help her hobble on her good foot back to the verminator van.

After the sound of the vehicle goes too far for the hedgies' hearing to pick up, they backtrack from their current positions in numerous yards and meet back in the backyard of the house they are staying in.

On the way, Tyler takes the time to stop by the yard with the St. Bernard and tells the dog, "Thanks."

Cujo says, "Play play-play," at the same tone and pace as "You're welcome."

Ty: "As part of our deal, here's your dog bone back." (Tosses it in front of Cujo) "And later, I'll stop by and give you a big, fat, juicy steak."

Cujo howls, "Play Plaaaaay!" at the same tone and pace as "Woo Hoooo!"

Many hours later, the plan of the hedgies in Group 3 works out exactly as expected. The humans come home from school and their jobs to a house with broken air conditioning on the inside and outside. An AC professional is called to come out to examine the problems, but all are too busy today, and can only come by tomorrow. This, coupled with the disappearance of the game systems and DVD players, means the human family spends all afternoon and evening on a shopping spree to replace the items lost. They also buy high-powered fans and de-humidifiers that the hedgies will later successfully steal for their purposes.

---

The animals in Group 6 are the ones who must deal with the most paradoxes.

They are in the largest house of all the other Groups—where the basement is the greatest, most luxurious man-cave they have ever seen—but they must live in the cramped, long, wrap-around closet to stay hidden.

They only have to avoid detection from one human as opposed to a whole family, but they just happen to be staying in the home of an ex-Navy SEAL.

They don't have to trek far to get food, running water, and entertainment items, but must be as carefully slow as they can be in order to avoid being found by such a highly trained individual.

And lastly, the man is compassionate toward animals, but won't hesitate to kill them if they steal something of sentimental value. The latter could be just the one waist bag, or every item in his house.

Being the most experienced adults in this group, Bucky, Emma, and Kale all come to the same conclusion on how they must deal with all these paradoxes. "Do what we have to in order to say alive, see what happens when we steal things, and play it by ear."

Thanks to the wolves' unrivaled sense of smell and hearing, along with their "predator spirit," keeping tabs on the SEAL is like having surveillance cameras in every room at every angle in the house. From these "observations," the wolves have discovered and disclosed that the reason the man is so wealthy is because he won a lottery.

They also found out that he is retired but does a lot of volunteer work at his church, a homeless shelter, his grandchildrens' school, and veteran rehab center. He goes to the homeless shelter from 8:00AM to noon on Mondays. The veteran rehab center from 3:00 to 6:00 every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. He goes to the school from 10:00AM to 2:00PM every Wednesday. And helps out at his church from 5:00 to 8:00 every Sunday evening.

With today being Tuesday, the uninjured hedgies wait until 3:00PM to start getting food from the human-emptied house. Their first stop is the basement theater's refrigerator and pantry. Christine, Dexter, and Kylie also join in this raid since their injuries were minor compared to the others in Group 6, and they feel good enough to move around again after having two days of recovery time.

The animals go to the refrigerator first and open it to discover it's jam-packed with a variety of food that will satisfy all the nutritional needs of each species of animal.

Note: the following dialogue is based on the Over the Hedge comic strip dated July 6, 2024.

Upon detecting that the refrigerator has been opened, Kylie turns toward Christine and asks, "Why do we raid refrigerators again, mom?"

If any animal (other than RJ) has a knack for snack knowledge, it's Christine, as her years of pigging out on sweets makes her the biggest sweet tooth in the family. She matter-of-factly says, "That's where the snacks are, Kylie."

As the family gets the food, Dexter asks, "Why don't we make our own snacks?"

Christine: "Snickers don't grow on trees, Dexter."

By now the family has finished gathering food and now walks away with packages and jars that are a full foot above their heads.

Christine: "Snickers grow underground...Like doughnuts and Milk Duds! They require a nougaty soil. The soil of the woods is cream-filled. It would never work!"

Now back in the wrap-around closet, the food raiders make their way to the other animals. The first one they get to is Mordecai who sits with his wings crossed and shaking his head side to side. His non-seeing eyes lock onto Christine's as he says, "I overheard everything you said, dearest. Filling our son's and daughter's heads with nonsense about unhealthy sweets when you should—"

Christine interrupts with, "Eh-hem!" while tapping her head with one finger-claw to silently indicate a pact she and Mordecai had made when their kids were born. They had promised to try and encourage their childrens' imaginations as much as possible, because the more imaginative one is, the smarter they end up becoming.

Mordecai uses his other senses to "see" Christine's gesture and instantly changes his mentality by continuing, "I mean, as usual, your logic for sweets is insanely unassailable."

Christine: "Thanks, dearie, it's my super power."

After passing the bountiful meals around, the others eat and drink to their hearts' content. Just after they finish sighing blissfully from satisfying meals, they hear the basement garage door opening.

Wolves in unison: "¿Qué demonios?"

Sarl: "Was zum Teufel?"

Emma: "Did y'all just say 'What the heck?' or—"

Wolves and Sarl in unison: "Yes, 'heck.' "

Bucky: "But I'm with you. Why is he back so soon?"

Ike: "Maybe he's coming to pick up something he forgot?"

Bruce: "Let's just all be quiet and listen closely."

The animals follow the mink's suggestion. More than one voice is heard after the car is turned off; one is the SEAL, the other four are unknown.

A man's voice asks, "So, Al, tell me again what this has to do with our therapy?"

The SEAL, Al, answers, "You and your buddies, Craig, are far along in your recovery. You're back to who you were physically, but not mentally. The things that soldiers see and experience on the battlefield scars us for life. We always hear the screams, see the destruction, and relive our worst memories every night in our dreams. The best way to overcome it is to watch light-hearted comedy movies with a group of friends. Tonight's is Caddyshack, a classic."

A feminine voice remarks, "We've all seen that before."

The other voices say words of affirmation, to which Al counters with, "But have you seen it with a group of friends you have bonded with over wartime trauma?"

Feminine voice: "Well, no."

Al: "And since we've all seen it, we can talk amongst ourselves to provide commentary and not miss any important parts."

A different masculine voice: "Gee, I never thought of it like that."

Al: "Not only will we be watching and commenting on Caddyshack, we'll be watching it in the most luxurious place imaginable: my man cave."

With that the door connecting the garage to the basement opens and the guests are amazed at the man cave.

Al: "Watching something light-hearted with friends while in a state of pure comfort can increase bonds and overcome trauma. That's what my therapist recommended to me, and I can say from first-hand experience that it works." (Light-hearted tone) "I also needed to make sure all this doesn't go to waste after my kids moved out."

The guests go "Heh/Hah," or snort in amusement.

Al: "The fridge and pantry are full, so help yourselves."

The hedgies' hearts quicken, and their nervousness is well-deserved because as soon as those two places are opened, the man who opens the fridge remarks, "I think you meant to say they're half-full, Al."

The woman who opens the pantry adds, "Because whoever has been here last cleared out a good chunk of the food."

Al makes his way over to the refrigerator while saying, "Impossible. I restocked it with fresh food just this morning for our movie night." After glancing into the refrigerator and pantry, Al then says, "Hm...You're right. But how?"

Craig unintentionally saves the hedgies from Al conducting a search by asking, "You got any more food upstairs?"

Al: "Oh yeah, I do. Get what you need and bring it down here where we can cook it. I'll make sure the projector is in working order."

When Al presses his projector remote's On button and nothing happens, he shrugs and heads over to the door of the wrap-around closet. The hedgies hold their breath as he walks into it, and then place their paws over their mouths to prevent any gasping when Al says, "Eww, what's that smell? It's like a zoo."

Al finds and turns on the projector from the switchbox, but proceeds deeper into the closet to discover the source of the smell. Just as he's about to round the corner that will take him to where the animals are, one of the guests raises his voice to say, "Hey Al, where are ya?"

Al looks over his shoulder and says, "Back here checking the wiring out."

Guest: "Well, if you're done, I need some help getting the popcorn machine started. I figured you'd know how."

Al: "Okay. I'm coming."

The animals breathe a sigh of relief after Al leaves the closet and closes the door to go help his friend. The hedgies then spend the next hour and forty minutes timing the use of scent-ridding spray on themselves and the interior closet with the laughs, comments, and noises of the humans and their movie. While the movie is still playing, the also quietly talk about what they should do when it ends.

Boxer: "I say we's move inta one of da spare rooms down here when he ushers his guests out."

Clara: "Yeah. We'll just have to force ourselves to push through our injuries."

Elan: "But that would take too long, and my guess is that Al will check the closet as soon as his guests leave. That won't give us enough time."

Mordecai: "And if the dressing around our wounds come undone in the process, we'll re-injure ourselves and possibly bleed on the floor. He will notice that."

Bucky: "And if we stay in here and he comes back to check and sees us..."

No one says anything for several moments, as how big of a pickle they are in sinks into their minds. Finally, Emma breaks the silence with her well-known—and well-appreciated—optimism. (3) "If he sees us, he'll recognize us from the other night and remember how we returned his waist bag. We just all need to convince him that we're no threat by acting like scared, injured animals who only want a place to stay."

Ike, who has always had a sense of responsibility ever since his twin cousins Annie and Drake were born, says, "But how will we protect ourselves if he doesn't act that way? Most of us are injured, and this small space doesn't offer much room to fight or run away..." Sadly, also because of his sense of responsibility, Ike can be quite the worry wart, which he demonstrates by saying, "What's wrong with me?! I should've thought about those downsides sooner! We should've thought to move into one of the rooms earlier..." (3)

Bucky: "Ike!"

Emma: "Son!"

Bea: "Big brother!"

Ike sees the looks his biological family is giving him, and knows he's gone too far again. Fortunately, they are not looks of judgement or annoyance, but heartwarming looks of compassion. If that's not enough to calm his nerves, he enters a family hug with his parents and little sister. (3)

Ike: "Sorry for getting so dramatic." (3)

Emma: "Don't be. You have a good reason to."

Bucky: "Not knowing what's going to happen to us, and being in a place that further limits our options, can make anyone despair."

Bea: "But mom and I saw the man the other night. He's different than most humans. I don't know how I know, but I just know."

Emma: "We can feel it. Like we told you this morning, Al likes animals more than people because he thinks they're pure and can't conspire to do truly evil things like humans do."

Kale decides to also add something because he wants to further ease the tormented mind of his first "nephew" who he would take on wolfback rides over, under, and across terrain, which were some of the wolf's and porcupine's most fun memories. "Emma and Bea are right, Erizo Saltarín—Leaping Sea Urchin. If he spends so much time and money on volunteering to help other humans who have been hurt by their fellow man, he must also be a humanitarian. And I'd bet all my four legs that he's the equivalent of that word to animals."

Gertrude: "He is. He only tried to kill us because we had stolen something is late wife had given to him. But stopped his pursuit when we returned it."

Jeff: "And I doubt he'll bring a gun this time, and if the worst-case scenario happens, he'd have to leave the closet to go get one. He'd have to turn around, and we outnumber him, so we'll have the advantage."

Gertrude: "But that's just an 'if,' everybody."

Simon: "So we're going with Emma's plan?"

The animals nod yes.

Ike: "If it's our only option, then I guess it's worth a try. But do you have any idea of how small a chance he'll react that way, mom?" (3)

Emma: "A small chance it better than no chance, son." (3)

Her words give Ike the confidence boost he needs to put his despairing thoughts away. (3) Having used all the scent-ridding spray, the hedgies only have to wait for the movie to end and see what happens after that.

Once the movie is over, Al ushers his guests back to their cars then returns to the man cave a few minutes later. Wanting to get to the bottom of the mystery of why the closet smelt so musky, he opens the door. The smell is gone, but rather than make Al think he just imagined it before, it only makes him more curious as to where it has gone. As a former soldier, he is no stranger to horrible smells. Dead things and sewage have distinct odors, but what he smelt in here before was neither of those, so he goes deeper to find out the truth.

When he rounds the corner, he gasps and widens his eyes at the sight of the group of animals lying on the floor. The animals gasp too, but rather than attack, they cower. They turn their heads away or hide them in their paws, and whimper or whine in fear. Al also notices the bandages on the animals and food packages on the floor.

Al: "What in the holy mother of...? So that's where the food went...and why you stole first aid items..."

Because of the man's monotone, the animals can't tell if Al is surprised or angry, making them shiver and cower more.

Al: "If you wanted all of this...you just needed to give me a sign."

With the second part of his sentence becoming light-mooded, the animals look up at him.

Al: "Did humans do this to you?"

The animals cower after hearing the word "humans" which makes Al reassure them, "Hey, it's alright. I won't hurt you if you won't hurt me. To be honest, I'm more amazed the wolves haven't eaten the rest of you, and that you're smart enough to put bandages on yourselves. Wait a second..." Al's eyes narrow and five seconds later, he says, "You're the animals those Verm-Tech kids showed, emailed, called, or told the whole neighborhood about yesterday. Said you were 'highly dangerous' and 'intelligent.' Were they the ones who hurt you?"

The animals let out a collective whimper.

Al: "Figures...A bunch of low-down liars trying to coverup their animal cruelty by playing the 'dangerous wild animals card.' We humans are somehow the best and worst species on the planet, and I've seen too much of the worst. But don't worry, you can all stay here and I won't turn you over to Verm-Tech, so long as you don't cause me any trouble. Especially you, wolves."

The wolves lower their heads and whine, but in their heads they're thinking, "Typical wolf stereotypes. Darn fairy tales that portray our species as big and bad..."

"No worries about not getting the food you need to eat. Learning about animals has been my hobby ever since they saved me on the battlefield multiple times. A sniper would have shot me if a bird didn't fly into him trying to get an insect crawling on his uniform. A snake saved me from an aquatic ambush by attacking an assassin where the noise made me look behind. Then there was the time some Arabian wolves saved me and my whole unit from a firing squad while trying to catch some fleeing porcupines. Since then, I've been going to libraries, browsing the internet, watching TV documentaries, and taking my kids and grandkids to the zoo to learn all I can about animals..."

The hedgies are truly intrigued by Al's history with animals, but then Al says, "Ahhh, lookit me, rambling on to a bunch of critters who probably have no idea what I'm saying. I guess being lonely does that to a guy...Anyway, I'm gonna unplug all the wires so you can all move into the garage and stay in there."

Once Al goes back around the corner to do that, the hedgies pump their fists in victory at how Emma's and Bea's intuition has saved them and made their lives staying in this home easier.

(3)=I want to give yet another thanks to TheIceAgeMan77342 for giving me permission to use his character development ideas from Chapter 4 of his story Hedgies: Unforgettable Summers here in this story. And for him allowing me to use more of the same for my future chapters in my story.

---

The same cannot be said about the home where Group 4 is staying. As expected, Haley and Dalton do another rigorous search around their home once they wake up to find out that the contents of their first aid kit are all gone. The animals had been asleep in the attic, but overheard the married couple talk about it during dinner last night. Dalton and Haley would have searched the attic—were even about to open the attic hatch—had it not been for them checking a neglected text message that made Dalton say, "We need to go ahead and get some shuteye. We got a busy day tomorrow."

That had saved the animals just barely, while also informing them that tomorrow will be a free day to gather the food and entertainment items they need. But those minor perks do nothing to alter the clear reality of the hedgies' situation: if so much as a picture frame is off by just one centimeter, these two detectives will notice.

With the humans now gone to work, the animals converse about this dilemma.

Cassie: "The only way is to replace each exact item in the exact same place, but there's no chance of that happening unless you go to the store and steal from there."

Chris: "Which I doubt any of you will be able to pull off."

Lyra: "We could try putting back the items we take before the two humans come back home. But that would only work on the fans and humidifiers, not on the food."

Mary: "Forget that. If we just took a sip of milk, they'd notice."

Rebecca: "I think what we should do is worry about concealing ourselves instead of how to make it not look like we've been stealing from them."

Garrett: "What do you mean, Becca?"

Showing that she has the mind of RJ and her late parents, Rebecca exposits, "We've already said it's impossible to make them not notice things are being stolen. So, let's think of ways to better hide ourselves here in the attic if they ever come up to search."

Mary: "Ah, I see. And I think I know how we can do it."

Rebecca: "I've got it covered, but feel free to add anything new. We bury ourselves under the insulation, because the humans could just move around their extra things already up here and find us if we hide behind them."

Mary: "Yep, you hit both points. I like that, BA Rebecca."

Rebecca: "Runs in our biological family, Mary. Those who can, let's get to it. Mary, who do you need to accompany you to get food and the other things we need?"

Mary: "I'll take Elroy, R3, Sare, Claire, and Bert."

The ones she just mentioned say, Alright," in unison.

They open and proceed down the attic hatch whereby they bring up the two small fans and one de-humidifier first. Next, they get entertainment items and extension cords which takes a few trips up and down the attic to fully accomplish.

And now, they must get food. The raiders silently praise the building's architect when they discover the refrigerator and pantry are next to each other, which will make getting the cold and un-cold food like killing two birds with one stone.

Everything is going well—until the front door lock clicks open.

Mary thinking: "They're already back?! I thought they went to work!"

Claire: "Oh no! We were so focused on getting food that we forgot to listen out for the humans' return!"

Mary: "Everyone hide!"

By the time Claire and Mary finish saying that, the homeowner has put the keys away and turns the doorknob. Mary and Elroy get behind the pantry trashcan, R3 and Sare get in the back of one of the dish cabinets, while Bert and Claire fly behind and cling to a window curtain.

It's only Haley, whose voice is uncharacteristically cheery and light; nothing like the intense, tough-gal, I-won't-stop-till-you're-caught person they encountered two nights ago. "And here we arrrrre! Home sweet home!"

Overcoming their initial surprise of the woman's return, the animals now have time to use their noses—and they discover that she is not alone. For they smell the scent of what will become an unexpected complication in an already tough house to live in undetected: Haley (and Dalton) have a pet cat.

Just as R3 and Sare simultaneously whisper, "Darn it, Kale. You said there weren't any pets here!", Haley unintentionally tells them why.

Haley: "Smell how clean the house is now, Mittens? Mrs. Lexi cleaned our house Sunday morning. I'm so glad we found a cleaner who we can trust with our house key when we're away."

Elroy's thoughts speak for everyone else when he ponders, "So that's why Kale, Sarl, and all of us didn't smell the cat yesterday. The cleaner eliminated any lingering scent it would have had..."

Haley has reached the living room just beyond the front door and places Mittens down. The woman then gives more exposition with, "Now just take it easy, okay baby? You've just been neutered, and the vet said it'll take 10 to 14 days to fully recover. I'll go get your food and water bowl, litter box, and toys from the hallway closet and bring them to you."

Haley only hears a soft meow, but the animals hear what Mittens really said in a weak voice, "Okay..."

Judging by the scent and voice, Mittens is actually a boy kitten. But just because he is young and recovering from surgery doesn't mean he isn't a threat to the hedgies. He could use his great sense of smell to detect their own scents and warn his owners.

Mary ruminates in a frenzied tone, "He's probably done that already, then all he'll need to do is give his master a sign, and BOOM we're busted!..." Then another idea crosses her thoughts that puts her mind at ease. In a more relaxed manner she thinks, "Aaannnnd he's also weakened and sluggish from the surgery he's been through. He'll barely be able to move, much less run, pounce, climb, or do anything besides meowing to bring his owner's attention to us."

All the hedgies remain quiet and still while Haley brings the things she mentioned to Mittens. She then goes into the kitchen, opens a drawer, and pulls out a special something for her precious pet.

Haley: "And because you've been such a good little kitty, here's a tree-eat! But I can only give you a small bit for now. I don't want my little fuzzy buddy to throw up."

She places it in front of Mittens who already starts eating it as Haley says, "Now lemme turn on the TV for noise, and then I'm off to work. I'll hopefully be back this evening around seven. And you're gonna get a nice present soon!"

Mittens says "Sounds good to me," in animal language.

It takes less than one minute for Haley to turn the TV on, lock the front door, and leave the driveway. Mittens finishes his treat around the same time. The wild animals expect the kitten to let them know he knows they are there, but Mittens instead closes his eyes and takes—like they say—a cat nap.

Mary uses hand signals to tell Elroy they need to leave now. He nods yes and the two carefully make their way out from behind the garbage can and into the kitchen. They open the dish cabinet door where the scents of R3 and Sare are coming from and Mary does the same hand signals to tell them to leave quietly. When the teenage raccoon siblings get onto the kitchen floor, Sare mimes for Mary to give her her phone. Mary does so and then silently reads the text message the raccoon had typed but not sent.

What about the bats? They can't see us?

Mary deletes the message and then types her own that she shows to Sare and R3. They'll use their senses to detect what we're doing and join us.

The siblings give a thumbs-up and make their way out of the kitchen and into the house's main hallway. All four animals frequently look back to see if the bats will follow—which they do not.

After taking a big sniff, Elroy face-palms, holds his paw out for Mary to hand him her phone, then after getting it and typing, his text reads, They're too scared to move—I can tell by their scents. Those 2 R more timid than Bernard.

Mary and her biological cousins jerk their heads downward while scoffing as if to say "Dang it."

Mary gets her phone back and types her next message to show the others. We've gotta go back to get them, and to subdue the cat. We can't open the attic hatch unless he's out cold.

The other three nod and tiptoe their way down the hall, through the kitchen, and into the living room. Mary points a thumb at her bag, then covers her mouth and nose with her whole paw, followed by lolling her head slowly to the side. Elroy nods while giving a thin smile because he knows that Mary wants him to get out the chloroform she has for emergency situations like this. She keeps it in one of the large zipper pouches, instead of inside the main bag so that she (or others) doesn't need to put her bag down and rummage through it to get it out. The downside is that the zipper will make noise if not opened as delicately as possible, but that won't be a problem for Elroy.

Elroy is no stranger to stealth, and has used it to evade predators more than playing possum. One of the first things that made him attracted to Mary when they were young was when she revealed she didn't play possum when confronted by predators—just like himself. Elroy's parents taught their kids that playing possum doesn't work on scavengers, so Elroy only does it whenever he's facing an animal that only eats live food. But opossums are naturally quiet, and not much of a threat to most animals or even pets. This, however, makes them the ultimate animals who are "built to deceive." He has snuck up or snuck away from many predators great and small. And when they get the jump on him, they assume he will be a pushover because of his species. But Elroy has proven to many an unfortunate predator that opossums can be strong, wily, and formidable animals. And if this kitten gives them any trouble, Elroy will be able to dispatch him with ease.

Elroy opens the zipper and gets out the chloroform and a handkerchief without making any noise. But the instant he opens the chloroform bottle to put some in the handkerchief, Mittens's eyes open and he says, "What's that good smell?"

The hedgies silently curse the creators of chloroform for making the substance have a sweet, pleasant, ether-like odor.

Mittens's eyes widen at the sight of two raccoons, one possum, and an animal that's a combination of the two species standing in front of him. The hedgies' eyes are wide too, since they know they're in big trouble. The cat has seen them, and will let his owners know about them whenever the humans get home.

To prevent this, Elroy starts to run toward the feline with the intention of forcing the chloroform handkerchief into his face.

Mittens suddenly smiles and excitedly exclaims, "You're the present my owner said I'd get soon!"

Elroy is so flabbergasted by the kitten's words that he runs past Mittens and trips over one of the cat's toys. While Mary goes over to help him up, R3 and Sare take a good look at the cat before them. Mittens is a bicolor tabby Ragamuffin cat. He has white fur from the gap in between his eyes to his entire ventral side. Light brown fur is on his dorsal side, and halfway down on his forelegs. Dark brown fur is on his tail as well as four short lines on his forehead that resemble a broken-up M. Lastly, his eyes are light brown and he has regular brown fur around his four paws as if he is wearing mittens, hence the name.

R3 and Sare decide to use the cat's energy and naïveté against the feline when R3 says, "Uh, yeah. Your owners bought us at the pet shop while you were at the vet."

Sare: "And we were so happy, because no one wanted to adopt four wild animals, but your owners were kind and brave enough to do it."

Mittens: "Oh, well first off, my name's Mittens, nice to meet you. But secondly, you're both lying."

The raccoon siblings swallow nervously and expect Mittens to address them. He instead turns around to face Mary and tells her, "I knew because of you. There's no way an animal like you could be from a pet shop. You're a cross between a raccoon and opossum, which means..." After a gasp, Mittens's voice becomes serious and interrogational when he asks, "Are you those forest animals that commit robberies of the houses in our area from time to time?" (4)

Knowing there's no point in lying—because this kitten is just as attentive and intuitive as his detective owners—the hedgies say, "Yes..." in defeated voice tones.

There is an uncomfortable pause, during which time the hedgies expect Mittens to give them an ultimatum.

Seeing sincere bewilderment on the face of the surprised hedgies, Mittens suddenly meows joyfully and says, "I'm your biggest fan! I've heard all about the famous 'animal raiders of the suburbs' and always wanted to meet you face-to-face! You're the apex adventurers! I'm an adventure-movie junkie because my owners love to watch movies and TV series full of adventure, and I'm always beside them while they do. But nothing is cooler than meeting real adventurers! Thanks for making my lifelong dream come true!" (4)

Mary's first word comes out like a question, but her second word comes out as intentional when she says, "You're welcome." She points to those she introduces while saying, I'm Mary, an opossacoon. This is my mate Elroy, and my little cousins Rogan III or R3, and Sare. Oh, and there's two more nearby." She raises her voice to call out, "Bert and Claire, it's good to come out now."

The bats fly from the dining room curtains and land in front of Mittens.

Claire: "H-hi. I'm Claire."

Bert: "A-and I-I'm Bert."

Sare: "Thanks for telling us we're celebrities!"

R3: "You want our autographs?"

Mittens: "Absolutely! But first, are you here to steal food from my owners' house?" (4)

Elroy: "Guilty as charged."

Mittens: "This is the best day of my life! Take all you need!" (4)

Claire: "Oh, thank heavens."

Bert: "And thanks for being so nice and generous to us."

Mary: "But won't your owners become suspicious when they discover their food is missing? They're already on-edge about the lack of medical supplies."

Mittens: "Don't worry. My owners practice their interrogations with me by asking questions and have trained me how to indicate 'yes' and 'no.' I won't tell anyone about you, I swear. And when they ask me, I'll make them think a human did it. But I'll do this on one condition..."

Not knowing what else to do, Mary decides to take a risk, deciding that the little kitten is unlikely to pose a threat to the family. She tilts her head down and gives a serious look while asking, "Name it." (4)

Mittens: "I wanna meet your whole family! Then I can brag to all my pet friends that I got to meet the 'animal raiders of the suburbs' and they didn't!" (4)

Unable to contain the excitement of their celebrity status, R3 and Sare blurt out some sensitive information.

Sare: "Then it's your lucky day! 'Cause we're in your home's attic. We're hiding from predators."

R3: "And not the full family, but a good chunk of them are up there recuperating from injuries. The others are in other houses."

Elroy: "Kids! You just gave away our biggest secrets to this kid cat whose excitement might make him slip up!"

Mittens: "I'm not a kid. I'm 12. And I won't tell, I promise. Not even my pet friends. I'll just say I got to meet you, but nothing about where you're staying."

Bert: "How can we be certain of that?"

Mittens: "Because some of my friends are friends with other pets in the suburbs who don't like you. I mean, you have stolen from their owners' home, attacked or got the better of them, and they want payback for their humiliation. But I don't want to turn on my heroes, especially if they're living in my home!"

Elroy: "Alright, Mittens, you've bought yourself some time. But the moment you spill the beans—"

Mittens: "—I won't."

The kitten's serious tone, look in his eyes, and not to mention his interruption before Elroy told the consequences, finally convinces the opossum and his peers that Mittens is trustworthy.

Elroy: "Then in that case, let's show you the rest of our gang. Come this way."

Mittens: "I want to, but it hurts to move too much after my surgery."

Elroy: "Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

R3: "How about we take a picture on a phone and come back and show you?"

Mittens: "But I wanna see and talk to them in person."

Mary: "I've got an idea. We'll make a stretcher that can lower and raise like the one my dad was put in when he was injured by Kale's ex-godfather."

Mitten: "Yeah! Wait. Who? What?"

Mary: "Give us a while to build the stretcher, and then you'll be visiting us in our 'penthouse suite' where we'll explain the whole story to you."

Mittens: "Awesome!"

Mary: "C'mon everybody."

After returning to the attic and using the stretcher to bring Mittens up, the hedgies of Group 4 get to meet their number-one fan. The wild animals introduce and tell their side of the story one family-within-the-family at a time. They use their phones to show pictures of the other hedgies not present, much to Mittens's glee. Mittens is so ecstatic it's like having another Hammy. As the kitten listens to the hedgies' many and fantastic stories, he actually has to take breaks from shouting in excitement because of the pain caused his surgery. (4)

Everything is going well, until it's Rebecca's and Garrett's turn for introductions.

Rebecca: "I'm Rebecca, and this is my mate, Garrett."

Garrett motions to his children as he says, "And these are our kids..."

Lizzy raises her arm while saying, "Lizzy..."

But when no one else says their names, Garrett points to each while saying, "And that's Rogan III or R3, Gary, Sare, and Lauren."

The other four grunt out, "Hey," then cross their arms and turn away.

Rebecca: "Kids, don't be rude to our guest. The boy is a big fan of us."

When they keep giving Rebecca the cold shoulder, Garrett asks, "Is this still because of—"

R3, Sare, Gary, and Lauren in unison: "Yes."

Garrett looks at Mittens and says, "Sorry, Mittens. But our family in particular has been through a lot of rough times recently."

Sare: "We wouldn't feel so rotten if you and mom had punished Lizzy harder after what she did to Gary and Lauren!"

Lizzy: "Mittens, let's you and me go back downstairs together. I'll tell you all about it."

Mittens says "Uh," in a way that seems like he wants to ask the other four why the sudden change in attitude, but after seeing the glares from the other raccoon siblings aimed at Lizzy, Mittens says, "okay. But before I go, I wanna tell you all one last thing."

Adults in unison: "What?"

Mittens: "After hearing how absolutely, positively, undeniably, hardcore you all are, I wanna help you out until you return home to the woods! Can I please do it? I promise I'll never rat you out to my owners or other pet friends. How could I?! You've all taken on wolves, bears, humans with weapons and always come out on top! Why would I ever betray animals as cool as you?" (4)

Mary: "Let us talk about that amongst ourselves, first. You and Lizzy go downstairs to chit chat." (4)

Mittens: "Okay."

Lizzy: "Gladly."

Mittens and Lizzy are both lowered to the house's main level and slowly make their way into a living room down the hall. During that trip, Lizzy tells Mittens about how her parents met and why their family is going through so much tension. Having been inspired by her parents for forgiving her and accepting who she is, she doesn't sugarcoat anything and lets Mittens know the full truth.

Mittens: "That...is...Whoa...That's messed up. And you're messed up for being gay."

Lizzy: "I've been called worse. But has your opinion on our whole family been changed?"

Mittens: "No way. You're all still the coolest. And, um, I'm not too fond of my mommy and daddy, either."

Lizzy: "Why's that?"

Mittens: "I never even met my daddy. He just left my mommy when she was pregnant with me and my siblings. And I hardly ever knew my mommy either because I was adopted by my human owners nine weeks after being born. But I hate her more than daddy because she just let me be taken away by strangers without a fight."

Lizzy ruminates, "Talk about déjà vu...but even though my parents were neglectful, they at least stayed around to raise me and my brothers and sisters. They didn't give us up or abandon us." Deciding to try and make this conversation take a good turn, Lizzy says aloud, "That is tough, but do you like your new life with your owners?"

Mittens's smile returns when he responds, "Absolutely. They show me the love, attention, and care that my mommy and daddy never did. I live like a king."

Lizzy gives herself an imaginary pat on the back for a job well done and says, "Then maybe your mother giving you up was a blessing in disguise."

Mittens takes a few moments to pondering what Lizzy has said, then nods yes and says, "Hmm, maybe you're right. You might be gay, but you're a great girl. I like you, Lizzy."

Lizzy gives a lopsided smile at how the kid's homophobia is still present, but at least he sees her in a positive light. She returns the compliment in kind with, "And I like you too, Mittens. You have a lot to learn about life, but you're off to a great start."

Both animals turn their heads to the sound of Mary's voice when the opossacoon says, "Hey, Mittens, we've made our decision. We agreed that you are trustworthy and can be our freelance agent." (4)

Mittens's excitement is so high that he ignores the pain his surgery causes when he shouts, "YYYEEEEESSS! Thank you, thank you, thank you! This is beyond anything I've ever dreamed of! I won't let you down, I promise!"

Lizzy: "We know you won't."

Elroy: "Your first task is to tell us what your owners' routine is: what they do, where, and when. Including when they are home here."

Mittens: "Sure. They were former police detectives who stayed busy all the time, and became private detectives when their old jobs kept them too busy to enjoy themselves. Their current job is tracking down a kidnapper, so they'll be pretty busy today. But they're so good at what they do, that I bet they'll be done by tomorrow."

Mary: "And when they don't have any cases, how long to they stay at home?"

Mittens: "Until their next case begins, which can either take a short or long time."

Mary: "Got it. So if we need to get food, it's gotta be today."

Mittens: "And I'll keep 'em off your trail when they ask me questions."

Mary: "I think this is gonna work out well."

Mittens: "It will! I'll make sure. But right now, I need to rest. My surgery..."

Elroy: "Yes. Go ahead. We need to get prepped for the food raid anyway." (To the others in the attic) "Okay folks, we need to get anything and everything that can be used to bring lots of food up here. We'll also need to find or make things to store it, especially the cold stuff."

As the uninjured or minorly injured ones set to work doing all this, Elroy taps Bert's and Claire's shoulders and says in a low voice, "Hey guys, can we talk about something important?"

Claire: "Sure."

Bert: "Especially if it's important."

Mary's sensitive hearing has picked up her mate's voice despite the noise, and by now she walks over to the other three and now says, "Let's head over there," while pointing to an unoccupied area of the attic.

The four make their way there in no time, Elroy and Mary adjust their positions so the bats and possum-blooded animals are now in a huddle, and the conversation begins.

Elroy (vexed tone): "When you both got too scared to join Mary, R3, Sare, and me when we were heading back to the attic before we met Mittens, we had to risk our lives coming back to rescue you."

The moment Elroy said his first word, Claire's and Bert's expression and postures had gone from intrigued to anxious. Their voice tones become indecisive and nervous when the respond.

Claire: "We're...sorry..."

Bert: "Y-yeah. Really, really sorry..."

Mary (to Elroy): "Elroy, not so harsh." (To the bats) "Did your two's senses not pick us up as we were making our way out of our hiding spots and toward the attic hatch?"

Bert: "Well...no. W-we did detect what you were doing."

Claire: "Bu-But, we were too afraid that the cat would detect us the moment we started moving."

Elroy: "I knew it..."

Claire shows her rare bold side when points an accusing finger at Elroy and says in her "big" voice (which is still soft and shy-sounding), "Hey, is there something you want to tell us?"

Bert: "Y-you think we're cowards, don't you?"

Elroy remembering what Mary had said about not being so hard on these two, softens the next blow when he says, "Just today you were." Pointing to himself and then Mary, he gives his next point, "But if we were able to sneak away and sneak back without waking up the cat, then two folks as quiet and careful as you could have also. With those wings of yours it should've been easier. And because y'all can fly, you'd have been out of the cat's reach."

Bert: "We knew that. We were afraid for all of you. But Mittens turned out to be friendly, so nothing bad happened."

Claire: "That means you should stop talking to us like we did the wrong thing today."

Mary: "You are right, Bert. But if Mittens had been the opposite of the kind of kid he is, things would have gone bad for us all."

Elroy: "We were all very lucky that Mittens is a fanboy of ours. If he wasn't, he'd have ratted us out and we'd have been in big trouble."

Mary: "Look, we all get paralyzed from our fear every now and then, and no one knows this better than my little brother. But like him, I'm certain you two will overcome your fears and do amazing things when it really counts."

Elroy: "Because if you don't, someone could get hurt or killed."

Bert: "We know."

Claire: "Stop talking to us like we're kids."

Elroy sighs, and lowers his head and voice as he says, "You're right. I'm sorry. I get it from my dad."

Mary: "But Elroy had a good point when he said it was by sheer luck that Mittens liked us. We will get into similar situations like the one down there in the future, and they won't always end as well as they did today. When that happens, you two have to be ready to step up your game and take risks, even if you're afraid. It's like that old saying that's been quoted and remixed so many times: 'Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.' "

Claire: "We know that saying too, and we've tried to put it into practice. But we...We just feel so...so..."

Bert: "Insecure..."

Claire: "Yeah. We're so insecure because of how shy we both are. But with so many other confident family members, Bert and I always take comfort in knowing there's plenty of other folks who can take charge of scary situations."

Bert: "We just wanna be in the background, and do what the leaders say, instead of being leaders ourselves, because we won't make the best of leaders."

Mary: "The day may come when you both might be the only ones who can lead. And with those predators wanting to kill us, it'll probably be sooner than later."

Despite Mary's gentle and confidence-boosting tone, Claire and Bert gasp. Their defensive tone turns more frightened than ever when they respond.

Claire: "Leading the whole family during a dangerous situation?!"

Bert: "Th-there's no way we'll ever be able to do that!"

Mary: "Why not? Once you learn to overcome your shyness—"

Claire's voice loses its edge (what little there is, anyway) when she lowers her head and speaks in a defeated tone, "It's not the shyness that'll prevent us. It's..."

After sighing, Bert says, "We are cowards...Elroy was right."

Claire: "One hundred percent right..."

Mary: "Let's play Devil's Advocate and say you're right about yourselves being cowards. But even cowards can learn to be brave. Do you want to become braver?"

Even though they can't see, Claire and Bert turn their heads toward each other and give facial expressions of communicating like true lovers; with their eyes and inner feelings instead of words. They then look back toward Mary and Elroy and give their answers.

Claire: "...Yes..."

Bert shows the rare side of himself where he takes the initiative instead of Claire by saying, "Especially if we may have to lead one day." He turns to his mate and takes her finger-claws into his own and communicates with earnest, "We can't keep running from that possibility forever, Claire." After Claire gulps and nods yes, Bert's gaze faces Mary and he asks, "But where do we start?"

Mary: "The best guy who can help you is none other than Bernard. Fifteen years ago, he went through the exact same personal crisis you two are facing."

Bert: "How long did it take Bernard to become the man he is now?"

Mary: "All Summer long. But he was just 11-years-old back then. Y'all are 39 and 42, so your learning curve should go by much faster."

Elroy: "And if you really want to get Bernard's advice, have someone text your questions to him and we'll read his responses to you."

The two bats now speak with more confidence and excitement than they have in days.

Claire: "That does sound like a good idea."

Bert: "We could get help from your sisters and brothers-in-law too, Claire."

Mary: "Then I'd say this conversation is, so, over. And it turned out better than we thought, right?"

Elroy, Claire, and Bert in unison: "Yeah."

Elroy: "Let's go join the others for some major food snatchin' and grabbin'."

The three others nod and walk over to their family and friends. This conversation has really hit the two bats deeply, but in both bad and good ways.

This seems to be what the other animals in all the teams have experienced today: good and bad times. But with the bonds they have created with certain occupants in the houses they are staying, their lives are about to get both easier and harder.

Note: (4)=These specific marked sections (as well as the idea of a pet cat being a total fanboy of the hedgies and agreeing to help them) belongs to Shkiper.

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I sometimes don't even understand my line of thinking...The more I write chapters I originally intended to have less action and suspense, the more action and suspense I end up adding. But I hope you're all enjoying it!

And believe it or not, the suspense, action, and heart-wrenching scenes in my story thus far are just the tip of the iceberg. You're in for a wild rollercoaster ride! Keep being patient and keep reading to find out just how wild the ride will really get!