RVB PSA: Stranger Danger
Our scene opens up with a pair of familiar looking sim troopers.

"Hello everyone, I'm Leonard Church from the popular web series Red vs Blue."

"And I'm Michael J. Caboose!"

...

"From ..?

"From!"

...

"Ugh, forget it. Anyway, for today's Public Service Announcement, we're going to be talking about ... about ... Caboose that's your line!"

"I forgot what I'm supposed to say."

"Are you serious, we've been rehearsing this the past few days, all because YOU really wanted to do this part, which for the record, I never did!"

"I can't help it Church, I get stage fright easily! I have BUTTERFLIES, in my tummy."

"Ugh, why did I get stuck with you today? Anyway, we're here to talk to you all about something we all experience every day in our lives, something you idiots SHOULD'VE been taught when you were FOUR, stranger danger."

"Every day is a new day to go out and have fun, and what more fun than meeting new friends."

"But the reality is, a lot of those people you are going to meet out there do NOT in fact qualify as 'new friends.' You make the wrong move and the next thing you know, you find yourself stuffed in a trunk hearing mariachi music outside. And that's why we're here to inform you of several ways you can keep your sorry ass safe.

"When meeting new people, you never who just who they are or what they do, especially if they are someone you have never met."

"That's why whenever you do see someone new, or if they see you, always remember to be friendly, put on a BIIIIG smile, and always say 'HELLO, I'M MICHEAL J. CABOOSE, YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS?"

"What?! Caboose, what the hell, that the total OPPOSITE of what you're supposed to do! If you see some random cockbite on the street just ignore them and keep on going. And if they approach you, then you turn around and haul ass outta there."

"Take care to also report your encounter with a trusted adult or authority figure, like a parent, a teacher, or a police officer.

"There are also many different types of new friends you may meet, and there are different ways to meet them. Friends who want help and you have to go away with them for a little, friends who love to have parties and just invited you! And friends who seem like meanies and say things like "arrrg, if ye be telling yer folks, I'll find yer dog and shiver his timbers, ate matey," when really all they need is a hug.
"All these people have to have some friends if they were like that when they met you, so make sure you ask your own friends or mommy and daddy before you make more friends, because too many friends can mean too much fun. And too much of anything, even good things ... become BAD things. And no one likes bad things, right Church?"

"Caboose, I can't believe I'm saying this but that was right for all the wrong reasons, so I'm not even going to bother humoring it with a response."

"You're welcome!"

"*sigh* Anyway, it's not just random people you may have to watch out for, people who look like they're in a position of authority or important usually are concerned or just want to help, but I apparently still have to tell you morons that people can lie and act suspiciously so that your ignorance won't be on me *muttermuttermumblefuckingnprickssilentobsenitiesyadabla*."

"OOH, ooh, Church, Church pick me pick me!"

"Caboose this is not a class, you don't have to raise your hand if . . . ah forget it what do you want now?"

"Huh? OH, yeah! Um, Church, so, um, what do you do if, like , you meet a new friend, and, it's like at home? Or, um, at the playground. Or, um, at home? Or, um, at the-"

"Ok, that's actually a good question. If for whatever reason you find yourself coming across a stranger in the comfort of someplace safe like your home or at school, well for the most part at least, or any protective space in your life, usually there isn't much to worry about. But if you are alone or feeling antsy, it's always a good idea to talk to a trusted adult again, and let THEM deal with it."

"And what if they're just a bunch of new kids who are really nice and just want to be friends, no strings attached?"

"What th-, ROSE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! HOW, the hell, are you doing here?! This is an ordered PSA we were conducted to do after the-"

"Caboose invited me. Hi Caboose!"

"Hello Ruby!"

"Yeah well, I hate to break it to you but he doesn't even have the authority to make a pb and j sandwich let alone invite some rando to a court ordered precautionary demonstration. Now get lost."

"Oh come on, I can help! I know lost about stranger-danger, like how you always stay close to your buddy when out in public, how you never take candy or rides from a stranger, that you should always report if someone comes up to you and acts suspiciously-"

"What part of get lost was not understood? Now if you don't want me to call your daddy on you, get out of here. Now!"

"Hey, now that's just mean you big bul-"

"I SAID SCRAM, NOW!"

"eeep!"

"pant pant pant* Well, that should conclude today's PSA. And even if it doesn't then it is now."

"Making new friends can be scary and hard sometimes, especially when you're littler and don't know what to do."

"But it doesn't have to be your problem. Just remember to ignore and avoid any new faces until you reach at least 14-ish. Then you can talk to whomever you want because you'll hopefully be responsible enough to keep your skin alive."

"OOOH, does that mean that I CAN do all that stuff you said people can't do for new friends? Because I want ALL, the friends!"

...

"Het Caboose, his mouth is moving, but no words are coming out. You think his voice may be broken, like Weiss sometimes gets?"

"ack-RUBY!"

"Ah, there it is!"

END

A/N: A little PSA written by Agent K-47 for you to enjoy. Also, please do checkout the newly rewritten first chapter of this story.