Chapter 84: Educational Issues Part 3
Bright Moon, January 18th, 1999 (Earth Time)
"That was a waste of time!"
Adora rolled her eyes at Catra's outburst. Her lover hadn't stopped complaining since they had returned from the First Moon of Enchantment. And she was wrong. "It wasn't - we learned important information."
"No thanks to us," Catra shot back as she dropped onto their bed. "We just read the stuff Alpha showed us but we didn't understand it."
Adora didn't pout, but she frowned at Catra. That was… not quite right. "We did learn more about the bioweapons the First Ones had."
"And which we now have," Catra said. "And which the Tok'ra and Earth now know about."
Adora pressed her lips together. "We don't have such weapons. Just the data."
"And the samples."
"Those aren't weaponised."
"You just need to fill them into a container and then launch it. A bot could do it."
That was… not wrong. But… "That wouldn't be nearly as effective as a coordinated deployment en masse," Adora said - and then regretted her words at once. 'It could be worse' was never a compelling argument.
Catra snorted. "I bet Entrapta could whip up enough of it - of any of the samples - in a few hours to kill a planet."
Adora didn't disagree. Entrapta was… perfectly able to do that. "But she won't. We talked to her."
Catra shrugged, then rolled on her back. "Whatever. So, what's up until dinner?" She turned her head to grin at Adora and the way she shifted her body left no doubt about what she thought they should do.
And… it wasn't a bad idea. Not at all. The others were already looking into the data they had found, and they couldn't really help with that. And they had an hour or two to kill before dinner.
Adora grinned and slowly walked over to their bed, already loosening her shirt.
Bright Moon, January 19th, 1999 (Earth Time)
"So, you claim that Earth, despite being a supposed ally of the Princess Alliance, cannot be trusted enough to allow us to travel there through Etheria's Stargate? Really? I've heard more convincing stories from children!" Sweet Bee scoffed and raised her eyebrows.
Adora didn't like the princess. Not at all. She couldn't understand whatever Spinnerella had ever seen in the woman to have a relationship with her, no matter how short - Sweet Bee was all spite and scorn.
But Adora couldn't deny that, laid out like that, their reasons for limiting gate travel sounded a bit weak.
"Earth isn't unified," Glimmer retorted. "As you very well know. And some of their countries consider magic evil."
"And is their Stargate in such a country?"
"Earth's Stargate is under the control of the United Nations of Earth," Glimmer replied.
"You just claimed that Earth wasn't united." The lack of surprise on Sweet Bee's face made it obvious that she knew what the United Nations were. At least in Adora's opinion. Someone must have told her a lot about Earth.
"The planet isn't united - the individual countries are basically independent. The United Nations have very little direct power." Glimmer pressed her lips together.
"But the Stargate isn't in a country where magic is considered evil, is it? It's controlled by the Alliance, isn't it? Effectively, at least." Sweet Bee smiled, showing her teeth.
"Yes," Glimmer ground out.
"So, why would anyone be in danger when travelling there?" Sweet Bee asked.
"Every country has dissenters," Catra pointed out. "And we're at war."
"But you can detect our enemies - they cannot hide on a planet. Earth and Etheria are free of those 'Goa'uld' and 'Jaffa', according to your own claims."
As much as Adora hated it, Sweet Bee was correct. Sam and Entrapta's scanner could detect any Jaffa or Go'auld.
"Reasonably safe, yes - according to what we currently know." Glimmer must be struggling not to grind her teeth.
"And yet, you won't let us visit the planet. Because you want to force us to fight at your side." Sweet Bee sneered. "Because you want us under your control. Or, perhaps…" She bared her teeth. "...because you have something to hide? The only ones allowed to travel to Earth are members of the Alliance. Princesses who would never contradict your claims."
"Are you seriously claiming that we made the whole war up?" Catra scoffed.
"That's one explanation for your attempt to keep us from visiting a supposedly safe planet," Sweet Bee said. "It would explain why you are so adamant about keeping control of the Stargate - and keeping anyone not in your alliance out."
"The other explanation is that we're at war, and the Stargate is a crucial resource for the war, and so it's not going to be used for frilly trips by people too cowardly to fight," Catra retorted.
"Of course, you would be saying that.." The princess scowled at Catra. "But we've been watching the Stargate - it's barely in use. It's obvious that it could accommodate much more traffic - at no cost to anyone." She sniffed. "Your story isn't holding up to even basic scrutiny or logic. Just admit that you want to use the Stargate as leverage to control everyone who isn't a member of your alliance!"
"That's a lie!" Glimmer spat.
But Adora couldn't help feeling that Sweet Bee's arguments would look really compelling to people who didn't know better. And if Prince Peekablue, who had been a member of the first Princess Alliance with Glimmer's parents, supported her, many people would believe her claims.
She looked at her friends. Catra was sneering, but Glimmer looked frustrated. And Bow looked as if he felt guilty.
This wasn't a good sign.
Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado, United States of America, Earth, January 21st, 1999
"...and so we'll have to prepare for a delegation from Etheria led by Princess Sweet Bee to check if Goa'uld are real. Oh, and to check if Earth is safe."
The Colonel didn't even try to hide his annoyance, Samantha Carter noted. She understood it, of course - this news disrupted their already packed schedule. They had much more important work to do than play tour guides. The Stargate would soon be moved, and just organising her lab to be transported without wrecking her projects was a huge amount of work.
"Princess Sweet Bee?" Daniel asked.
"That's her name. I don't know if she's actually part bee, but I wouldn't be surprised. So, you better check your allergies, Daniel, in case she brings alien pollen with her as a snack or something."
Sam sighed - softly - as Daniel pouted. "I don't think she'll bring pollen. Even if she shared some characteristics with bees, bees transport pollen to their hive; it would be illogical for her to transport pollen to Earth."
The Colonel snickered, probably imagining how this would go.
Sam suppressed another sigh. "The Stargate travel protocols will not allow pollen or similar material to spread inside Stargate Command," she pointed out.
"You mean the decontamination and medical drills," the Colonel said.
"Yes."
He snorted, then shrugged. "Anyway, Glimmer's not happy about this, but it seems this was the best the Princess Alliance could do or something."
"As far as I understand, this princess represents kingdoms not aligned with the Princess Alliance," Teal'c commented. "Their military capability is supposed to be negligible, according to Catra."
Sam was surprised that Teal'c had talked to Catra - then realised she shouldn't be. Catra, despite some claims to the contrary, was quite active in planning the war. And waging it. Like Teal'c, she probably felt that she had to make amends for what she did serving - and leading - the enemy. Not that either of them would admit it, although Sam was sure their reasons for that differed. Still, Sam was curious when they had talked about this. Not curious enough to ask, though.
"Yeah, but, apparently, they can't just ignore the princess." The Colonel shrugged again. "Don't ask me why."
"I assume it's because while the Princess Alliance is the most powerful military power on Etheria, they don't want to act like the Horde," Daniel said. "They might also have economic interests or personal ties to Sweet Bee or her allies that make simply ignoring her request - or demand - impossible. Of course, tradition will also play a role - I assume Etherian culture frowns on ignoring princesses. In an aristocracy, all aristocrats have an interest in ensuring that their status is acknowledged even during disputes and conflicts. Actually, especially during conflicts."
"Yeah, that sounds plausible," the Colonel said.
Daniel started to smile and nod but then caught the Colonel's grin and pouted again.
"So, what are we expected to do?" Sam asked, trying to get the briefing back on track. She didn't ask why SG-1 was tasked with this - they had the most experience in handling such situations, after all. And the Colonel was correct that the sometimes unique biology of Etherians was a potential source of trouble.
"Well, mainly show them around and keep them from getting killed by terrorists, secret agents and traffic," the Colonel replied. "Actually, the generals didn't tell me that explicitly, but we probably should keep them from getting killed, period."
"We're supposed to be bodyguards?" Daniel asked.
"We'll have SG-3 provide actual guards, but keep an eye out as well. While doing your diplomacy thing."
Daniel nodded. "And when will they arrive? Do we have an itinerary? Do we have to prepare one?"
"They'll visit tomorrow. They didn't tell us their itinerary - I'm not sure they have one, actually, since they don't know much about Earth and don't trust the Princess Alliance."
"I'll prepare one, then," Daniel said.
Sam doubted that the delegation would trust him since SG-1 were known to be friends of Glimmer and the other Princesses in the Alliance, but it wouldn't hurt. And it might come in useful despite her expectations.
"Good. Also, we'll have to look into allergies and stuff for Princesses with a 'special biology'," the Colonel quoted.
That meant her, Sam knew. "I'll prepare the scanner and a few potential remedies," Sam told him.
"You do that." He smiled at her, and she smiled back for a moment.
Daniel cleared his throat. "So, uh… how many from the Princess Alliance will visit?"
"Everyone we know except for Entrapta is coming as part of the visit," the Colonel said with a grimace. "So, I guess that means Entrapta drew the short lot and has to stay home to keep the lights on."
"Ah…" Sam raised her hand. "Entrapta had already scheduled a visit to my lab for tomorrow, sir."
"I see." The Colonel frowned - did he think Entrapta being present was a problem? Sam frowned at the thought. That would be unfair. Entrapta was a great friend and meant well; it wasn't her fault that she sometimes was a bit too enthusiastic. That could happen to any scientist, as Sam could testify.
Daniel blinked. "Uh, Jack… do you mean we have to host the entire leadership of the Princess Alliance and a delegation from another Etherian coalition? Tomorrow?"
The Colonel grinned without much humour. "Yep. It's going to be fun, I think."
Sam managed not to glare at him.
Gate Area, Near Bright Moon, Etheria, January 22nd, 1999 (Earth Time)
"I am looking forward to seeing Earth's oceans."
"And to sail on them! Adventure!"
"I am curious about their plants. Their rainforests are said to contain the most fascinating specimens. Though I hope the plants there won't be as standoffish as cactuses…"
"I doubt that. And even if they are, you'll win them over, like you did with cactuses!"
"Thank you, Scorpia, but we're talking about a completely different planet here - the plants might not react well to my magic…"
"I want to visit this 'Antarctica continent'. It sounds like home."
Catra shook her head at the conversations she was hearing. "This doesn't sound like the diplomatic visit they agreed on," she commented with a smirk to Adora.
Her lover blushed a little. "Well… they're enthusiastic?"
"They're treating this like a trip," Glimmer said in a flat voice.
"Like tourists," Catra agreed.
"Tourists? Ah, yes." Adora nodded. "That would fit."
"What are tourists?" Netossa asked. She was one of the few princesses who didn't act all giddy about visiting Earth but was focused on their actual task - ensuring that Sweet Bee and her delegation didn't mess up things for the Alliance.
Of course, Catra suspected that part of the reason for this was that Sweet Bee was the ex of Spinnerella, but as long as it ensured at least one of the bunch of princesses was doing what they were supposed to be doing, she didn't really care.
Spinnerella, on the other hand, looked a little nervous. Then again, meeting your ex would be awkward. Not that Catra had any personal experience with that. Nor any desire to ever have an ex-girlfriend. She'd die before losing Adora.
"Tourists is an Earth term for people who travel for, ah, leisure. Just to experience another country, take a vacation, that sort of thing," Bow explained. "I think it comes from 'tour', people who go on a tour."
"Ah." Netossa nodded. "Like princesses visiting each other?"
"Probably." Bow shrugged. "But it's a lot more common on Earth. They have an entire industry based on tourism."
"Really? That sounds… weird."
The sound of a skiff approaching drew Catra's attention away from the discussion. Turning her head, she spotted the vehicle just before it started to descend in front of the gate.
"She almost missed her own trip." Glimmer scoffed. "Typical."
"Well, we would have gone without her," Catra said with a grin. "At least, I don't think the others would have waited long for her honeyness."
Glimmer and Bow laughed at that, and Adora snorted, even though she frowned at Catra afterwards.
"What?" Catra grinned. "I'm not going to pretend I like or respect her." And if the princess took offence at that… well, Catra was pretty sure she could take her, should it come to blows. Sweet Bee could fly, but that wouldn't really help her much inside an underground base. Or a similar environment.
"No one likes her," Glimmer complained. "She's just a nagging, entitled princess who didn't have the guts to fight the Horde. But she is a princess, so we have to treat her with some respect."
Catra shrugged. She wouldn't cause a diplomatic incident, but that didn't mean she would be fawning over the twit. Not that it would work, anyway, since Sweet Bee knew what Catra thought of her from their earlier meetings.
"Shh! Here she comes!" Adora whispered. "Oh. She brought Peekablue."
"Ask him to demonstrate his power," Catra whispered.
Adora blinked, then nodded. "Right."
Everyone would have to prove their identity. The last thing they needed was Double Trouble reaching Earth. The traitor would cause chaos just to amuse themselves, no matter how many suffered as a result of it. And if they joined the Goa'uld…
After five minutes of exchanging polite greetings and a not-so-polite discussion about why it was a bad idea to let a shapechanger who thrived on drama loose on an allied planet in the middle of the war, followed by a fairly quick demonstration of everyone's magic powers, they were finally ready to travel to Earth.
While the Stargate was dialling, Catra stepped closer to Glimmer, motioning Adora to join them. "We'll have to hold Alliance meetings off-world for now," she said in a low voice.
"Yes," Glimmer agreed. "If Peekablue can find a scroll I've hidden inside the palace with his seer powers, he can observe our meetings as well. I'll have to ask Castaspella for help with securing the palace against his power, but it might take a while."
"His power could help us a lot in the war, though," Adora pointed out.
"Yes. But he doesn't want to fight anymore." Glimmer shrugged. "Dad said he saw too much while he was with the first Princess Alliance."
"Oh." Adora nodded with a glance at the prince, who was standing a bit apart from them, with Sweet Bee.
Catra scoffed. If the prince couldn't stomach war, he had no business meddling with those who were fighting in it.
Then the gate stabilised, and they got the all-clear from Earth. Catra grinned. Time to find out how Earth would handle the Princesses. And how the princesses would handle Earth.
Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado, United States of America, Earth, January 22nd, 1999
Jack O'Neill straightened when the vortex stabilised, and the iris withdrew. "Here they come!" he said. "Put on your best diplomatic smile, and remember: You're not allowed to shoot the nice people with diplomatic immunity no matter how annoying they might get!" he announced.
Carter didn't react, and neither did Teal'c, of course, but Daniel made a sound between a chuckle and a gasp, and Jack thought he caught a soft snort from behind him, where General Hammond, Haig and Petit were waiting. Probably Petit - Hammond was used to Jack's jokes, and Haig never showed any emotion. And the weenies from the State Department looked as if he had just mooned them. They didn't try to scold him, though, so they must have been briefed competently.
He was joking, of course, but only just. It would have been bad enough to meet Princess Sweet Bee and Prince Peekablue, but they were also going to meet pretty much every other princess in the Princess Alliance. They were, effectively, hosting something like the G20 in Stargate Command. On two days' notice.
Jack didn't believe the rumours that the Secretary of State had offered to resign upon being informed of this - that was probably spread by someone angling for the man's job - but the diplomats Washington had sent were certainly nervous enough to make everyone else nervous. Well, everyone not used to the Etherians. And, of course, there was the general shift of priorities in Washington.
"Wouldn't even want to know how bad things would be if we weren't at war," he muttered under his breath. Organising such a visit would have taken months and countless meetings in peacetime.
"Sir?" Carter asked from next to him.
"Nothing. Just musing that the good old 'wartime expediency' thing is working out in our favour for once."
"Ah."
"What do you mean?" Daniel asked.
Fortunately, Jack was spared from explaining just how much worse things could have been by their first visitors stepping through the gate. Adora, followed by Catra.
Followed by a bunch of enthusiastic young people with magic powers looking around as if they were just entering Disneyland for the first time. And an older couple that was trying to appear bored while still looking around as if they were first-time visitors to Disneyland as well.
Those two would be Sweet Bee and Peekablue, then. Sweet Bee actually had wings on her back - far too small to let her fly, if not for magic. And Peekablue was… blue. And kind of… what did Daniel call it? Androgynous? David Bowie-ish in the seventies was what Jack would call it. He pushed the thought away and focused on Netossa and Spinnerella, who were bringing up the rear and looking around unabashedly.
"Hi, Jack!" Adora greeted him. "Hi, Sam, Daniel, Teal'c!"
"Jack." Catra nodded at him and the rest of his team.
"Hello, everyone!" Scorpia beamed.
"Hi, Jack. Sam. Daniel. Teal'c." Glimmer nodded at everyone in turn.
"Sam!" Entrapta headed straight to Carter. "I've got the new designs for our projects. Take a look!"
"Oh, we're underground… Hi, everyone!" Perfuma looked around, waving.
"Hello, everyone." Frosta was trying to act as regal as Glimmer but not quite pulling it off.
Jack noticed the stare from the diplomats. They had been briefed, but meeting the real thing was still a shock, it seemed. Had they expected a group of Queen Elizabeths, all stern and stiff upper lip? Well, time to get this show on the road. He stepped forward and started introducing everyone to everyone.
Which took a while.
"And this is the Gate Control Room," General Hammond explained as they entered it. "This houses the computers controlling the gate."
Jack resisted the urge to make a joke about 'Carter's kingdom. Touch them at your own peril'. She had gone to her lab with Entrapta, so it would have been wasted anyway.
"Oh, nice. Do you have gun emplacements as well? You've got a good field of fire from here." Netossa asked.
"Ah, no," Hammond said.
"But the new gate room we're constructing in Canada will have them," Jack cut in. He had seen the plans, after all. Before and after Carter and Entrapta had gone over them.
"Ah. What type? We've got some Horde Sentry guns back home, but they're not very impressive. Basically immobile bots."
"Heavy machine guns and anti-tank missiles," Jack informed her.
"Pure Earth technology?" Netossa asked, cocking her head.
"Yes. It should be effective enough," Jack confirmed. He was the one who had been pushing for anti-tank missiles, just in case - the Stargate was big enough for a combat vehicle to pass through, after all.
"Stargate Command is operated by forces detached to the United Nations, and so is not allowed to operate equipment restricted to Alliance forces," General Haig explained.
"What about Captain Carter's lab?" Spinerella asked.
"That's a special case," Haig said.
A very special case Jack really didn't want to explain in detail. Mostly because they still hadn't sorted out what pieces of tech belonged to Stargate Command, what belonged to the United States, and what were Alliance property. Jack would have transferred everything out, but Stargate Command needed some advanced technology, for security purposes at least.
"So, you don't trust each other with your technology," Sweet Bee commented.
"We don't share technology outside the Alliance," Glimmer retorted with a toothy smile. "Here or on Etheria - as you already knew."
The other princess sniffed. "If Earth technology can keep a Stargate safe, then evidently, the danger is not as great as you made it out to be."
"Earth military technology is quite effective in ground combat," Adora pointed out. "It's roughly on par with Horde technology during the war on Etheria."
"And yet they need our help? It must be a profitable arrangement, I guess." Sweet Bee was, obviously, not going to be easily swayed. Or at all. She would fit in great with a number of politicians Jack could think of.
But he was used to those kinds of people. That Sweet Bee was a bit younger and better looking than the usual type on Earth - and had wings - didn't make much of a difference as far as he was concerned. They could handle her.
Now Peekablue, on the other hand… He hadn't said much and kept staring at nothing in particular, and Jack had a feeling that it wasn't because the man was stoned out of his mind. Glimmer had mentioned that he had 'the power of far sight', and Jack was wondering - and worried - just how far that sight could reach.
"...and that's about everything here in Stargate Command. I hope you enjoyed your tour."
Adora heard Netossa snicker softly at Jack's comment. Her friend probably thought that Jack was subtly joking about them being tourists. Which could totally be true, of course. But Adora couldn't tell for sure.
"We haven't seen everything," Sweet Bee complained. She shared a glance with Peekablue, Adora noticed. "Not even most of it."
"Yep." Jack smiled sweetly at the princess. "The rest of the base is off-limits for visitors. For security reasons - can't have people stumble into delicate experiments. Or disturb the sick, you know."
"There are no sick people inside this area of the base," Peekablue spoke up, tilting his head back. "And the number of sick people in the areas above us is also quite small."
Jack's smile grew a little toothy. "The area above us isn't part of Stargate Command. That's a normal military base."
One of the most important military bases, as far as Adora knew. But not part of Stargate Command, yes.
"You seriously claim that it isn't the same base?" Sweet Bee scoffed. "We're in the same location - just further below them. We can take a lift to their part of the base. What are you trying to hide with this cheap attempt at sophistry?"
Adora frowned. It was very rude to accuse your hosts of lying to you.
"Stargate Command shares some infrastructure with the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, but we're under United Nations Command," General Hammond replied. "And the base is off-limits to Air Force personnel not assigned to the United Nations, just as Stargate Command forces aren't allowed into the Air Force base above us."
"Can't let the Russians and Chinese take a peek at our aerospace defence," Jack added.
Oh! Adora was sure that this was a deliberate dig at Peekablue - though the prince had made it obvious that he was using his power to peek... to spy on the people here. Which was rude. And which Adora should have said something about. But that might have led to a diplomatic incident and been just what Sweet Bee wanted so she could claim that the Alliance was trying to oppress everyone else.
But now she was claiming that they were hiding things from them. Well, they were - but those were things that Sweet Bee had no right to see.
"A likely excuse!" Sweet Bee scoffed again.
Catra snorted loudly. "You've got a lot of nerve. You spy on the American base above us, then complain that they don't want to show it to you? You should be glad that Stargate Command hasn't thrown you out for that!" She turned to smile at General Hammond. "Which would be totally understandable, by the way."
Adora clenched her teeth. Catra wasn't wrong, not really, but… this was rude as well. Although… Glimmer wasn't saying anything.
Jack chuckled, but the general merely nodded. "That's a political decision."
Everyone looked at the diplomats with the group. They didn't look like they enjoyed being put on the spot like this, in Adora's opinion.
"I am sure this can be solved amiably," their apparent leader, Mister Clark, said with a fake smile. "We are aware that Etherian customs differ from ours and that it is considered rude to prohibit the use of magic power."
"Using your power to spy on others is also considered rude," Glimmer informed him.
"We are here to find out if your claims about the war, Earth and the Goa'uld are true," Peekablue retorted, looking straight at Glimmer. "That was understood from the start. Merely following a prepared tour to show us what you and your allies want us to see and nothing else would have been pointless and against both the letter and spirit of our agreement."
That was… not wrong, either, Adora had to admit. It was still rude, though.
"And I am sure your allies here understood that as well," Sweet Bee added.
"It was a consideration when debating whether or not we would agree to this visit," Clark said. His smile had grown even thinner.
"And you did agree." Swee Bee nodded.
"And you knew that some areas would be off-limits as well," Jack pointed out. "That's how the military works."
"Not that you would know anything about that," Glimmer added with a sneer aimed at Sweet Bee.
"But I would." Peekablue narrowed his eyes at her.
"Then you should act like it," Glimmer told him with a glare.
"I am." He nodded. "While mildly interesting, touring this base does not answer our questions. We need to meet those Goa'uld - and see more of your planet."
"Yes!" Perfuma nodded, then blushed. "I mean… a planet is far more than just a base. Underground."
Adora could see that everyone else from their friends - everyone who was visiting Earth for the first time - agreed. As she had expected.
General Hammond exchanged glances with General Haig and General Petit. "Our Goa'uld prisoners are kept in another location - it has been deemed too dangerous to keep them close to the Stargate. But we can shuttle you to their prison, or you can meet with members of the Tok'ra, although they won't arrive for some time. Of course, should you want to meet the Goa'uld, then, for everyone's safety, we have to insist on physical separation."
"We're aware of their power," Peekablue told him.
"At least of what you claim their power is," Sweet Bee added with a slight sneer.
"We should let a Tok'ra take over her body," Catra whispered.
Adora pressed her lips together. That would… the Tok'ra didn't take over people against their will. And it might be dangerous - they didn't know how magic would react to Goa'uld. And it would be wrong, of course.
But it would be a funny way to shut the princess up. Adora was really tired of hearing Sweet Bee's sniping remarks and not-so-veiled accusations.
"...and so, this data shows how the First Ones combined different species into a new one with parts of both. It's really tricky, by the way - even the First Ones had a lot of failures with the more challenging experiments."
Samantha Carter managed not to wince at the data she was shown. 'Failures' meant not just non-viable results but also people who lived just long enough to die painfully. And people who lived long enough to die slowly and painfully. "Do the others know about this?" she asked.
Entrapta blinked. "I think so - they got the same data we got, didn't they? At least, they have access to the same data. But I would have to check with Glimmer. Or Adora - she's the one Alpha listens to when we need permissions. And Jack, but he's usually not on Etheria."
Sam doubted that the other princesses had analysed the data. Adora would have been shocked at what her ancestors had done and feeling guilty - even though she was absolutely blameless.
"Do you think they will help us? Some of the experiments require magic we don't have access to yet, though I think unless it's an experiment with plants, we should probably ask Castaspella. Or Adora, but she needs the boost to her power from returning magic to a world, and she said she needs better control as well, so that might not be a viable method yet."
"I doubt that they would want to duplicate the experiments of the First Ones," Sam said as gently as she could.
"Well, of course not!" Entrapata nodded firmly, and Sam was just starting to wonder if her friend was aware of the issues when she continued: "We already know how those were done and what results they had. We need new experiments to find a solution to the Jaffa's lack of an immune system."
That wasn't Sam's point, but she nodded anyway. "Yes. But I don't think creating a new species out of Jaffa is the answer. That won't help the Jaffa."
"Yes." Entrapta turned towards the big screen in Sam's lab. "But once we have a viable template, we could use that as a model for altering the Jaffa's bodies."
Gene therapy on that level… Before she had found out about the Ancients and their technology, Sam would have dismissed that as unrealistic science fiction. Or fantasy. But given what they knew now… "That might work, but there might be easier and quicker solutions. Like a symbiotic organism that could also help humans with immunodeficiency. It would certainly be easier to get funding for such a project than for a project to save aliens who were, for the most part, fighting for the Goa'uld."
"That's true. But we can still use this data to see how we might be able to change existing symbionts. Not sapient ones, of course!" Etheria nodded twice. "But if we can change the intestinal bacteria, that would be a great first step. And the final result should be easy to implement - the better bacteria will replace the weaker ones organically."
"It will require extensive testing, though," Sam pointed out. If they created an invasive bacteria that replaced the gut flora in humans and turned out to be harmful or have harmful side effects… that would be a horrible bioweapon. And one manufactured by themselves.
"Yes!" Entrapta beamed. "It should be fun. We might be able to improve the digestive system as well - imagine if we could eat grass, like cows! That would probably solve some of the problems on Earth with food distribution." She frowned. "I still don't understand why you can't just ensure that everyone gets enough food. You've had so long to figure out things, and you have the production and transport capacity according to the data from your logisticians."
Sam winced. "It's a complex situation," she said.
"Why is it complex? People are starving, and others have a surplus of food - according to the fitness reports from the Alliance, you have overweight soldiers. So, the obvious solution is to move food from those who have too much to those who don't have enough." Entrapta shook her head. "Everybody would win that way."
If the Colonel were here, he would make a joke about communist princesses. But he wasn't here - he was dealing with the rest of the visitors from Etheria. He, Daniel and Teal'c. So, it fell to Sam to explain why things were not as simple as they seemed. "It's not just a question of food distribution, but also of politics and business processes. Most 'simple solutions' to similar problems tended to cause more serious problems later."
"More serious problems than people starving?" Entrapta asked.
"Sometimes, more people ended up starving," Sam told her. "Like when food aid caused local food production to become unprofitable."
Once more, her friend frowned. "But… that would only happen if you distributed too much food, wouldn't it?"
Sam sighed. "Not quite. Often, expectations are enough to change how people act - or what they sow. If a farmer expects to get more money producing a cash crop instead of food, then they'll switch production."
"Ah. But isn't the system you use meant to react to that by making food more expensive so people will produce more food?"
Sam pressed her lips together and decided that she would have to have a talk with Daniel about going into more detail when he was teaching people about Earth's economy. "In theory, yes, but it's not as simple as it sounds since humans don't always make perfectly rational decisions - and even if they did, sometimes, the most profitable decision for an individual is not the best for everyone else."
"That sounds like a flaw of the system," Entrapta said.
"Yes. But we haven't found a better system yet."
"That does sound complicated." Entrapta shook her head. "You better find a solution - if you have to keep patching up a broken system, it ends up more work, far more work, than designing a better system from the ground up."
Sam was forced to agree. But this wasn't what they were here for. "Although since neither of us is an economist, we should probably stick to what we can do."
Entrapta nodded. "Yes! Back to Project Smybiont Mark Two!"
Sam sighed with relief. And a bit of shame.
"So… after the prison visit, you want to visit Antarctica, the rainforest in the Amazon basin, New York, Brussels, Switzerland, Disney World, Hawaii, the Vatican and Mecca?"
O'Neill hadn't managed to keep his unfazed facade going, Catra noted, when the princesses had started to answer his question of where they wanted to go after the visit to the Goa'uld's prison. He really should have expected this.
"Yes." Frosta nodded with that overly serious expression of hers that made her look even younger. Catra was glad that she had never tried to look 'mature'. "The shuttle should be able to reach any spot on the planet in less than an hour, right?" She nodded at the shuttle standing behind O'Neill on the landing pad.
"Yes - the shuttle's rated for that speed, though we'll have to go orbital for some trips, I think," Scorpia said before O'Neill - or Daniel, who had already opened his mouth - could react. She would have read up on the shuttles' specs before the attack on Heru'ur's base, of course. "But that will cut down on the time we can actually spend at every location."
"That would run the point of the visit," Perfuma complained. "Maybe we could split up?"
O'Neill's expression clearly showed what he thought of that proposal.
But the other princesses nodded. "I don't want to see a jungle," Frosta said.
"As long as I can visit the sea, I'm fine. Though I would prefer an ocean that's not covered in ice," Mermista added.
"But we should all visit Disney World together," Perfuma added. "It looks far more fun with friends."
"We can't visit Disney World," O'Neill said. "Security reasons," he added with a stern glare. "We would have to shut down the park for your visit, and that would mean shoving thousands of people out for you."
"Oh, no!" Perfuma gasped. "We can't do that - this would be incredibly selfish! And a deserted Disney World doesn't sound like it would be fun, anyway."
"Why would you have to do that?" Sweet Bee asked with narrowed eyes. "Do you want to keep us from talking or even seeing your people?"
"As I told you: security reasons." O'Neill met her eyes.
"A likely answer." Sweet Bee scoffed.
Catra rolled her eyes. "The chance that some dangerous nutcase will attack us is too high," she said. "You arrogant moron," she added under her breath, which earned her a hissed 'Catra!' from Adora.
"A convenient excuse," Sweet Bee shot back. "But you can't keep us from finding out the truth! I assume you'll claim that visiting the Vatican and Mecca is also 'too dangerous'?"
"The Vatican is a sovereign state. Whether or not you can visit the Pope is up to him," O'Neill said. "Mecca is off-limits, though, unless you're a Muslim."
Sweet Bee huffed. "How is their leader supposed to meet with guests, then? Do they have a palace outside their kingdom?"
"I am sure King Fahd of Saudi Arabia has palaces access the world - or can buy one on short notice," O'Neill said with a grin.
Daniel cleared his throat. "I think there's been a misunderstanding," he said. "You want to visit the Vatican and Mecca because you want information about the two biggest religions on Earth, right?"
"And the two most hostile according to you, yes." Sweet Bee nodded. "Speaking to their leaders is the obvious course of action if we want to test this."
"Well, both Christianity and Islam are actually made up of many factions and sects, without an overall leader. The Pope might come closest, but he doesn't represent all or even a clear majority of Christians, only the Catholics. There is no such leader for the Muslim world, though," Daniel explained. "You would be better served to talk to several experts and prominent theologists."
"Which you would carefully choose," Sweet Bee retorted. "We prefer to make our own judgement."
"But your information about Earth is clearly incomplete," Adora told her. "Did you know that magic is illegal in Saudi Arabia?"
"Or that just meeting with you might be enough for the King of Saudi Arabia to be toppled by his family? Or a revolution?" Glimmer scoffed.
"My sources assured me that their information was correct." Sweet Bee glared at her. "And you admitted to hiding information from us!"
"Sounds like exaggerated rumours," Catra said, shaking her head. "Probably something overheard in the Palace by a guard or servant, and then it spread. Unless you let people watch Earth television." She hadn't heard of anything like that, but soldiers always traded and smuggled contraband. Though the timing was off for this to have come from the intervention, and before that, contact with Earth had been limited to their group. Probably rumours, then.
"We didn't import any TVs," Bow said.
"My sources prefer to remain anonymous," Sweet Bee said. "They fear your reaction to revealing your propaganda."
"Or they have peeked at us from afar and didn't quite understand what they saw:" Catra stared at Peekablue. "Did you spy on us watching TV?"
Peekablue had a great poker face and didn't react, but Sweet Bee scowled even more, and Catra was sure that her guess was correct.
"You've been spying on us!" Glimmer spat.
"That's a slanderous accusation without any proof!" Sweet Bee shot back.
She didn't deny it, Catra noted.
"Well, I think we can swing a meeting with the Pope, but Mecca - and Saudi Arabia in general - are off the table," O'Neill said. "Antarctica, though, we can easily do. And I think we can also find a nice safe patch of rainforest in Hawaii."
Catra narrowed her eyes. All those would be safe locations - and under Alliance control.
"I want to talk to other leaders of Earth!" Sweet Bee insisted. "I do not trust your carefully chosen spots to provide us with the information we need!" She stared at O'Neill and crossed her arms over her chest.
"And we won't let you make deals with potentially hostile countries," Glimmer shot back.
"Hah! You show your true colours!" Sweet Bee sneered. "We're sovereign rulers of our own kingdoms! We are not beholden to you!"
And the two started bickering. "Maybe we should let them visit Mecca," Catra whispered to Adora.
"Catra!" Adora shook her head. "But they're right - we can't just keep them from seeing more of Earth if we want this trip to settle their claims."
Catra doubted that Sweet Bee would accept the truth even if it hit her in the face - literally, in some cases - but Adora was right. They had to make an effort to at least give the morons enough rope to hang themselves.
But how to arrange that?