Chapter Six

Unfortunately, take-off had to wait, for Bart spent much of the next school week in detention, a miserable experience which Professor Snape exacerbated by making him clean cauldrons with a toothpick. This wasn't surprising; after all, his head of house was a miserable, miserly man, so why wouldn't he maximise Bart's misery?

However, Bart didn't appreciate such symbolic undertones. Indeed, after Friday evening, his disposition was uncharacteristically dour, as he stormed into his dormitory and cast the usual protective charms before folding his arms and brooding.

I swear, it's like he wants me to prank him. I can just hear him now: prank me Bart, please prank me. God I have such an ugly face.

Bart then cleared the sour sorcerer from his mind by closing his eyes and meditating. After achieving a more tranquil state, Bart's mind drifted towards more edifying memories. Memories that included his lesson in that duelling arena with Gemma immediately after their meeting with Professor Snape.

"Gemma, how did you raise your voice in the courtyard?" Bart asked as the two sat cross-legged in the arena's centre.

Gemma smiled tightly.

"By using Sonorus, Bart."

Bart burst out laughing.

"SONORUS? WHAT, DOES IT MAKE YOU SNORE LOUDER TOO?"

Gemma chuckled.

"If you cast it just before going to sleep."

Bart sniggered.

I'm so doing that sometime, just to see the look on Drain-o's smug prick face when I wake up!

"It amplifies the caster's voice when they would otherwise scream themselves hoarse. However, you can't just cast it frivolously, otherwise your voice becomes hoarse anyway."

"Um, why?"

"Because, according to father, when you constantly put too much pressure on your vocal cords like Sonorus does, vocal nodules develop. Basically, vocal cords are like muscles. You overuse them, they become sore", Gemma explained.

Bart nodded in understanding before learning and mastering the spell in mere minutes. After he did, a question rolled off his tongue.

"Hey Gemma, let's say that your opponent's hidden behind a corner or something, but a spell could hit them if it bounced off something else. How do you make the spell hit the target?"

Gemma cupped her chin in thought as her eyes floated upwards, before suddenly widening.

"That's it!" she exclaimed, pointing her index finger upwards in excitement. "The Lumos spellbook! Do you remember learning Lumos Maxima over the holidays?"

"Yeaaahhh?"

"Well, I first learnt it from that spellbook. It had loads of variants, although obviously I didn't have time to learn them all. But I do vaguely recall one variant which could target hidden opponents by reflecting light off surfaces.

Hmmm…if father had a copy, then these bookshelves must as well. OK, Locomotor, Locomotor Mortis…ah, here we are! Lumos! Now let's see…ah yes, this is the spell! Lumos Designatoris!

Bart nodded and smirked before an idea wormed its way into his fragile eggshell mind.

"Hey Gemma, I think we should take turns being target practice. I mean, we'll be knocking people down using this spell, so we'll need to aim the light properly."

Punctuating his point, the prodigy transfigured a banished stink bomb into a garbage can.

"Good idea, Bart. I'll go first."

"Sure."

As soon as Gemma crouched behind the cylinder, Bart aimed the light using the library shelf. Slowly but surely, the reflected light inched behind the garbage can.

OK, OK, OK, come on babyyyyy…now!

Bart quickly steadied his left wrist with his right hand before firing a stunner towards Gemma…which she deflected with casual indifference.

"Bart, you were way too slow. I could have gone to Hogsmeade, gotten drunk, stumbled back and still have deflected it. Remember, if you dither during a duel, your opponent will take advantage.

So: aim spell, cast spell. If you miss and your opponent gets up, you can always blind them with a Lumos Maxima, or create a smokescreen before running into cover."

Bart nodded before quickly steadying himself before aiming and unleashing yet another stunner…which flew past Gemma before becoming one with the horizon.

"Oh geeeez…"

Gemma laughed.

"Don't worry Bart, practice makes perfect. You won't have perfect aim when deflecting spells behind corners first up, because you can't see your target. But they'll usually crouch just behind the object, so targeting them quickly should become easier. So do try again."

Bart obliged, firing the spell slightly faster than before. This time, his aim was true, for deflecting Bart's stunner took Gemma so much effort that sheer momentum forced on to her back. Indeed, for a few brief moments she knew only pain as her head slammed into the arena.

Yes! Now's my chance! Bart thought, firing several stunners and knocking her out before she could recover. He then dashed over and revived her as he rode a wave of euphoria. But his euphoria was extinguished when he saw the predatory glint in her eyes.

"Well done, Bart. It only took you three tries to master that technique. But I'll only need two."

Bart's unease grew, but he nonetheless maintained his cocky façade.

"You think?"

The predatory glint in Gemma's eyes became a blazing inferno as her competitive spirit ignited.

"I know."

Bart knew from bitter experience that bad things happened when Gemma got into that mood – and he wasn't disappointed. Indeed, merely deflecting the first Petrificus Totalus that Gemma directed his way forced him onto the floor, with his legs and buttocks flying into the air in the process.

And his buttocks were what Gemma's second Petrificus Totalus would hit, as Bart's body froze up before tilting sideways, knocking down the garbage can with a mighty CRASH!

Ugh, talk about getting on the can, Bart thought with disgust as Gemma laughed. He would ordinarily have fired a murderous scowl her way, but instead had to wait until she applied the requisite counter-spells. She then helped her young apprentice up as he shook his head in vexation.

"Bart, don't feel too bad. Most wizards couldn't have aimed those spells as accurately as I did."

Bart gritted his teeth before staring intently at Gemma.

"I want to try again", Bart snarled.

Gemma smirked.

"Be my guest."

Bart duly stormed behind the garbage can.

She won't get me this time, Bart thought, kneeling and leaning forward before staring intently at the bookshelf. So when Gemma flung a Petrificus Totalus his way, he was ready. He quickly deflected it and crumpled to his side as Gemma's follow-up sailed over his head, before spinning around, thrusting his wand upwards, closing his eyes, and wordlessly casting a Lumos Maxima.

As the spell ignited, Bart leapt out and grabbed the garbage can's lid before running towards Gemma. Seeing that she had dodged the light and cast a Protego, he realised that a stunner wouldn't suffice.

OK Barty-boy, time for Plan B.

Gemma's eyes widened in shock, not quite believing that Bart was bum rushing her with an object. After all, her father had always said that transfiguring objects during a duel was too draining, too time-consuming, and frankly too difficult for almost all wizards.

However, that was the situation she faced, so she hit the lid with an Expelliarmus. Unfortunately for her, that simply drew Bart forward, for the spell was not strong enough to disarm someone holding an object that large with such a firm grip.

Gemma thus concealed herself behind a Fumos. But Bart kept running, swaying around a Reducto before piercing the smokescreen with a Homenum Revelio.

She's got a shield up again. Figures. I'd better wait for the smoke to clear.

And wait he did, crouching before cloaking and silencing himself. As Gemma's shield faded with the smoke, he ignored her Homenum Revelio and continued his sprint. She then lifted her wand and readied an Expulso.

However, before she could fire, Bart flung the lid towards her and leapt into the air. She knocked the lid away, only for Bart's karate kick to slam into her chest and bring them both down to earth. Bart's back slammed into the ground, but he nonetheless recovered faster than a winded Gemma, leaping up and dashing towards her. Before Gemma could lift her wand and cast another spell…

"HIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

With a guttural cry, Bart swung his right foot around and kicked Gemma's wand out of her hand before pointing his wand right between her eyes.

"StupefyOOOOOOOOW!"

Just as Bart delivered the coup de grace, pain pulsated through his body as Gemma's foot collided with his nether regions. Gasping for air, he clutched his genitals before kneeling and keeling over. As he caught his breath, he started laughing deliriously.

"HAHAHAHAHA, I did it! I beat her! I actually beat her! Man, if I can take her, I can take anyone!"

Propelled by his own cockiness, he grabbed his wand before reviving Gemma and helping her up.

"Well done, Bart. But you're lucky that the Expelliarmus didn't disarm you."

Bart smirked.

"For now, I don't care."

"I'm not surprised. But you will when we fight again. Come on, it's getting late."

As he drifted back to the present, Bart realised how late it was.

Oh man, I'd better get some shuteye. Quiddish – I mean, Quidditch – practice is tomorrow. I can't put Drain-o in his place if I'm too tired to fly.

And with that, he went out like a light.

And then he woke up to light, as Marcus Flint shook him out of his slumber.

"Simpson! Hey, Simpson!"

Bart gingerly sat up.

"What the hell do you want?"

The Quidditch captain's tall, muscular frame loomed over the bed as he scowled.

"We have Quidditch practice this morning. Didn't Professor Snape tell you?"

"Oh yeah."

Rolling his eyes, Marcus remarked, "You wouldn't if I had my way, but Snape told me to put you and Malfoy through your paces today."

Bart looked around.

"Hey, where is ol' Drainy anyway?"

Marcus' teeth protruded menacingly, making Bart cringe.

Ugh, now there's a mug you don't wanna chug. Maybe I should send his mugshot to 'The Big Book of British Smiles'.

"Unlike you, he's already in the Quidditch Change Rooms."

Bart's reply was laced with sarcasm.

Speaking of enclosures… "I wonder if he prefers closets?"

Marcus rolled his eyes.

"Simpson, you have 10 minutes. Don't forget your broom."

"No problem", Bart replied, mockingly flashing the OK signal when Marcus had stormed out. You troll-faced loser.

Sure enough, within 10 minutes, Bart and Draco were eyeballing each other while Marcus spoke.

"We should have won last year, but the Gryffindors were somehow allowed to field a firstie. Professor Snape complained to Dumbledore about it, but the old goat did sod all, of course. Once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor."

His charges, including Bart, muttered in agreement.

"Anyway, that's in the past. We'll still get physical and commit lots of tactical fouls this season, but Gryffindor's team has changed. I mean, they'll still play like a bunch of suicidal nutters, but it'll usually work because they're well-organised and have found a half-decent Seeker.

But their Chasers and Seeker are small and fragile, so a few shoulder charges should take them out. That's what happens when you put women on your team. Honestly, I don't get why they let women play Quidditch. You don't get points for sitting on your broom and painting your nails."

The entire team, including Bart, sniggered. Mind, Bart still felt sorry for Gemma, but his inner chauvinist quite appreciated Marcus' sentiments.

"If we do that enough, the Weasleys will go stupid and give up a few penalties. Plus, if we take Potter out, they'll have to sub in that loser McFaggen."

Marcus pressed on as his teammates sniggered.

"Anyway, Ravenclaw are good at moving the Quaffle forward, but they're slow and predictable. Plus, their Seeker's another woman. So we'll play a quick game, get into their area and foul them loads so they can't pass the Quaffle so easy.

As for Hufflepuff, they're nice guys who like finishing last. Their Seeker's pretty agile, and his height makes it easier for him to grab the Snitch, but he's got no support. Their Chasers are well-organised but couldn't score to save themselves, and their Beaters would rather shake your hand than hit you with a Bludger. So much for fair play."

The entire team burst out laughing.

"Now…let's show them wusses who the real winners are", Marcus sneered.

The Slytherins raucously cheered before following their captain onto the field…which was occupied by some Gryffindors.

"Flint!" their captain, Oliver Wood, barked. "This is our practice time, not yours, so take your snakes and sod off!"

Marcus simply sneered.

"You first, Wood. Read this."

Oliver's brown eyebrows disappeared into his hair as he read the note.

"Y-you have a new Seeker and Chaser?" Oliver gasped. "Where?"

Marcus maniacally grinned before turning behind him and nodding.

That's our cue, Bart thought, striding up with his bête noire.

When Bart came into view, Harry gasped.

"Bart?"

Murmurs and exclamations spread through Slytherin's ranks, with Draco and Lucian Bole expressing more consternation than anyone. Marcus, meanwhile, simply eyed Bart suspiciously.

"Simpson, why did Potter call you by your first name?"

Bart, who had purged unsettling emotions and thoughts from his mind, shrugged nonchalantly.

I can't show that I know these three. "I don't know. Maybe because it's easier to say 'Bart' than 'Simpson'?"

Fred and George burst out laughing.

"Our Lord has spoken, George!"

"Yeah, we'd better run, otherwise his Holiness will smite us like we've never been smote!"

"Yeah, and the Loser will lurch around like an ugly ferret!"

"Speaking of, how did Ferret Face get on the team? Did his dad do it with Snape?"

The other Gryffindors laughed while Bart's teammates seethed. Marcus almost cursed them, but instead took a deep breath and smirked.

"He did do a deal, yes. In exchange for letting Draco on the team, he generously gave us some Nimbus 2001s. Ones like these", he emphasised as Bart's teammates showed off their new brooms and their shiny black handles.

After gaping for a moment, Fred and George realised that Bart's broom only had a brown handle.

"Hmmm…why doesn't our Lord and Saviour have one?" Fred facetiously asked as he mockingly cupped his chin.

"Probably because Ferret Boy had a hissy fit", George observed as his team yet again laughed.

Incensed, the entire Slytherin team drew their wands, with Bart reluctantly joining in.

"That's enough. Get off our pitch, or we'll make you", Marcus sneered.

The Gryffindors quickly whipped out their wands in response, triggering a Mexican standoff.

"Do it, if you've got the balls", Oliver goaded.

Marcus narrowed his eyes like a cowboy preparing for a duel, but before he could respond…

"May I ask what is happening here?"

Both teams looked towards the voice in stupefied shock. There, regally crossing the grass, was none other than Headmaster Dumbledore, with Ron and Hermione in hot pursuit. When Hermione saw Bart, her eyes widened before narrowing into a glare, to which Bart just rolled his eyes.

"P-Professor Dumbledore", Oliver stuttered. "W-what are you doing here?"

Professor Dumbledore smiled tightly, his eyes twinkling all the while.

"Well, young Oliver, I was rather bored on this clear and crisp Saturday, so I thought that I would watch some Quidditch. However, a most unfortunate altercation seems to be in the making. May I ask what is going on?"

Both captains erupted.

"We booked Quidditch practice for this morning!"

"I've got a written note from Professor Snape giving us permission to train our new Seeker and Chaser this morning!"

The canny headmaster made eye contact with Marcus before nodding.

"I see. Well, flipping a knut should resolve this dispute. The winner will train today; the loser will train tomorrow. Alicia, if you may?"

The dark-haired, dark-skinned girl duly obliged.

"Thank you. Now Oliver, since Gryffindor is the reigning champion, you may call 'heads' or 'tails.'

"Tails", Oliver called as Professor Dumbledore flicked the knut skywards. With a clang, the knut settled on…

"Heads", the storied headmaster announced. The dejection felt by the Gryffindors was matched only by the elation expressed by the Slytherins, with Marcus sporting a particularly devilish grin.

"Come on, lads", Oliver commanded as the Gryffindors trooped off with the headmaster. Ron and Hermione huddled around Harry, with the bushy-haired girl throwing Bart a dirty look as they left.

Oh, get over it Georgina, Bart thought as George Bush's face flashed in his mind.

"Simpson…why was that girl looking at you?" Marcus demanded.

"Eh, she was looking at Draco", Bart lied with deceptive nonchalance.

Draco sputtered.

"N-no she wasn't!"

Bart smirked when he saw Draco's face redden slightly.

He's totally crushing on her. "Uh, yeah she was."

Marcus sighed.

"Enough of this. We're practicing. I want to see how well you two can fly, so let's get up in the air."

Draco and Bart smirked maliciously at each other.

"Eat my dust, Simpson."

"In your dreams, Drain-o."

With that, the boys mounted their brooms, bent one knee, and launched themselves into the sky.

Bart felt nothing but sheer exhilaration as the wind caressed his face. He could just feel the Gs as his broomstick soared through the sky, but he felt the need for more speed. He thus leant forward and pushed his Nimbus 1700 to the very limit.

Oh yeah, that's more like it! the mage exultantly thought, getting high on his own supply. But he would come down very quickly, for a speck of black appeared in the corner of his eye.

Oh crap! Bart thought as he dodged the incoming Bludger with a delightful swerve. Seeing the Nimbus 2001s buzz around him, he scowled.

OK, time to show these saps a thing or two, Bart thought. He propelled his broom forward and intercepted the Quaffle before going for goal. Seeing Lucian direct another Bludger his way, Bart bucked his broom up and looped over the iron ball before playing chicken with the bigoted blonde.

Let's see which chicken runs first, Bart thought, relishing the thrill of confrontation as his eyes gleamed feverishly.

Lucian's eyes widened as he realised that Bart was on a collision course with his buttocks.

"YAAAHHH!" he yelled, zipping out of the way just before contact was made. Bart, meanwhile, laughed raucously before turning on the proverbial afterburners and disappearing into the distance.

That little Mudblood shitstain. I'll show him what for once practice ends, Lucian angrily thought, staring in Bart's direction with malice on his mind.

Bart, meanwhile, bore down on the keeper, who watched him with apparent confusion before charging, hoping to knock Bart off course with his speed and physicality.

However, Bart deftly evaded his shoulder charge before completing a 360-degree turn around the humiliated and wrongfooted keeper, who couldn't even begin to turn back before Bart lobbed the Quaffle through the centre goalpost.

OK, that's Operation Quaffle over with. Now for Operation Snitch, Bart thought, his grin increasing as the snitch evaded Draco's grasp.

Looks like this Drain needs some cleaner.

Cackling evilly, Bart scuttled under an oncoming bludger before closing in on Draco's position.

Draco's energies, meanwhile, were devoted entirely to catching the ever-elusive Snitch, so he was well and truly blindsided when Bart suddenly sidled up to him.

"What the hell are you doing here, Simpson?" Draco gasped.

Bart's grin widened.

"Your job."

And with that, Bart jumped on his broom, swept around, and caught the Snitch in one fell swoop before sitting back down and barrelling downwards.

Just as he landed…

"SIMPSON! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Marcus roared.

Bart insolently smirked up at his incensed captain.

"Drainy's job. Now I believe that's 160 points, one scored goal, and one caught Snitch. Game's over; I'm out of here."

"But you can't catch the Snitch!" Marcus exclaimed as he landed behind Bart.

"And whyyyy not, exactly?"

"Because only the Seeker can. Otherwise, it's called a Snitchnip and the team forfeits the game."

Bart rolled his eyes.

"Pfft, that's stupid. Anyone should be allowed to grab the Snitch."

"Those are the rules, Simpson."

The Quidditch captain then walked up to Bart before continuing.

"Listen Simpson, you're a bloody good flyer. You'll score loads for Slytherin. But if you do anything that stupid again, I'll make sure that you never play for Slytherin again. Got it?"

Bart scowled but nonetheless nodded, knowing that he couldn't afford to be dumped.

Marcus bared his teeth.

"Good. Now let go of that Snitch and get up there."

Bart sourly nodded, batting the Snitch away before they both took to the skies.

Unbeknownst to the pair, the spectacle was witnessed by a pair of wide, pale silvery eyes…

But eyes were not on Bart's mind when he got dressed in the Quidditch change room. However, maybe they should have been, for when he made to leave, a smirking Draco blocked his exit, alongside four other teammates. Some looked more reluctant than others, but were no doubt coerced into helping Draco get revenge.

Bart quelled his rising apprehension in the usual way before breaking the ice, trying not to provoke a fight until he was good and ready.

"What is it, Draco?"

Draco's eyes, which were flickering with sadistic flames, turned into slits.

"You've been associating with Gryffindors, Simpson."

"You mean like Ron Weasley?"

"No, I mean voluntarily."

"Why would I do that?" Bart innocently asked.

"Because you're nothing more than a Mudblood cur. You have no respect for Slytherin's traditions, so of course you'd freely associate with blood traitors and other filth. I've always said that you don't belong in Slytherin, and Potter's little utterance proves it."

"You know the Sorting Hat put me in Slytherin, right?"

Draco growled.

"The Sorting Hat's nothing! Just a mangy old piece of felt! Besides, I told you that you'd pay for that little stunt you pulled when you were commandeering that Muggle toy of yours. Not to mention grabbing the Snitch before I could!"

"Yes, I remember that."

Lucian then spoke up.

"Yeah, and I remember how you almost killed me on the pitch, Mudblood! You'll pay for that!"

"Yes, and for wearing Slytherin's colours. Frankly Simpson, your being in Slytherin is an insult to my honour, and I can't let such insults go unpunished", Draco sneered, as the quintet advanced on Bart, drawing their wands while he slowly backed away.

"Aren't you worried about what Gemma will do when she finds out?" Bart asked as he slowly manoeuvred himself into open space.

"Farley won't know a thing", Draco smugly replied. "Now brace yourself, Simpson."

It was most fortunate that Bart had cleared his mind, otherwise he'd be sweating bullets. As it was though, he simply narrowed his eyes and did his best Clint Eastwood impression.

"Well…we're not just gonna let you…win this round."

The quintet burst out laughing.

"Who's 'we', Simpson?" Draco sneered.

Bart stared at Draco intently as he replied.

"Wood, phoenix, and me?"

Things then went haywire. Before he knew it, a disrobed Draco found himself sporting a nasty genital rash. Shrieking in pain, he fell back and collided into two of his conspirators, forcing them to drop their wands.

Bart, meanwhile, drew his wand, closed his eyes, and covered the area in blinding light with a Lumos Maxima. As the quintet shrieked in pain, Bart cast a smokescreen and dived to his right while curses collided with the tiles around him. Quick as a flash, he then disillusioned and silenced himself before leaping into the next row of lockers.

Lucian pushed Draco off him before getting up and scowling.

"Find that prick!" he barked, but before anyone could move…

"Boooooyyysss. Oh, booooooyyyyyssss…"

Draco's four allies looked around nervously, unsettled by the echoing of Bart's amplified voice.

"He's trying to scare us!" Lucian deduced. "Let's find him!"

The quartet checked each locker row, only to find nothing.

"The Mudblood's obviously disillusioned himself", Lucian snarled. "We'll have to flush him out!"

The four boys split up and cast a Homenum Revelio through a different row. Unbeknownst to them, however, Bart wasn't trapped in a row anymore, but rather was leaning on an adjacent wall.

That's it, boys, walk right into my trap, he smugly thought before flicking a knut behind the dark-haired student in the next row.

Hearing the tell-tale clang behind him, the surprised student turned and barked "Homenum Revelio!", only to see nobody behind him.

Where the hell is he? the student thought with rising panic as Lucian called out.

"Have you found him, Derrick?"

"No, but I think he threw a knut behind me!"

"He's close, then!" Lucian hollered before he and the other two joined Derrick, who slowly bent down and picked the knut up. However, just as he drew himself up to his full height…

THWACK!

A locker door suddenly flew into Derrick's face, knocking him and the two Slytherins behind him down. Literally disarmed by the impact, the trio were sitting ducks for the stunners that slammed into their chests.

Realising that he now had to face Bart alone, Lucian did what any prudent Slytherin would do – he cast a Fumos before disappearing around the corner.

Bart, meanwhile, stalked forward and bound the other three using Incarcerous, having already dealt with Draco in that manner earlier. Just after he did, however, Lucian reappeared with a certain wide-eyed hostage, whom he had trapped in a headlock as he pointed her wand at her temple.

Bart scowled.

"Drop the girl, Earl."

Lucian's green eyes glinted maliciously as he appraised Bart with a wolfish grin.

"I don't think so, Simpson. Drop your wand, or else she gets it!"

Bart just eyeballed him.

"I said DROP IT!"

Bart nodded before slowly lowering the wand, but not before tilting it towards the locker.

Lucian's grin turned delirious.

"That's a good Mudblood. Slowly, now!"

Gemma's advice echoed through Bart's head.

Aim spell, cast spell.

Heeding those words, Bart slowly twirled his wand as he crouched, shining a light into Lucian's temple. It was only then that the older Slytherin realised that something was up.

"Hey, what the - ?"

A stunner suddenly slammed into his temple, forcing him and his hostage to fall towards the floor. With impressive speed, Bart wandlessly stabilised the hostage mid-fall before binding Lucian with ropes. But before he could do much else…

"Expelliarmus!"

Bart gasped as his wand flew behind him, with Marcus catching it like a seasoned Chaser before storming over.

"What the hell is going on here, Simpson? Why are your teammates tied up?"

"They attacked me!"

Marcus looked at him incredulously before his eyes flashed in understanding.

"Because you're a Mudblood?"

"Pretty much."

Marcus shook his head and sighed.

"That was why I didn't want you on the team, Simpson. I thought it'd be bad for team unity. But I care more about Quidditch than Mudbloods. So long as you score loads for Slytherin, you could be the biggest Mudblood ever and I wouldn't give a toss."

"That means a lot", Bart sarcastically drawled.

Marcus leant forward dangerously.

"Watch what you say, Simpson. I could easily have Snape kick you off the team."

Bart wasn't fooled by his bluff.

"What, and give up lots of goals? Besides, we both know that Gemma would cut your balls off if you pulled something like that."

"I don't take orders from no bloody birds", Marcus growled, but his defeated tone and lyin' eyes gave him away. Wanting to remain in control, Marcus changed the subject.

"And what the hell is she doing here?"

Bart shrugged before the wide-eyed girl spoke up.

"I wanted to meet Bart", she replied in an eerily spacey voice.

Bart looked at her like she had just grown a second head.

Oh wow, she's obviously taken way too many mushrooms.

"What, couldn't you have just met him in a corridor or something?" Marcus exclaimed.

"But he was right here", she slowly intoned.

Marcus shook his head in exasperation.

"You're Lovegood, aren't you?"

The girl nodded.

"Of course. Your old man's obviously given you some of his good stuff. Simpson, do you know where Ravenclaw Tower is?"

Bart improvised a half-truth.

"Yeah, Terry Boot showed me."

"Good. Here's your wand. Now, go take her there. Snape and I will be having a heart-to-heart with these gits."

Bart burst out laughing.

"Yeah, I bet he loves doing that!"

Marcus bared his teeth and growled.

"I mean it, Simpson. Go."

There he goes again, showing more of that TLC, Bart sarcastically thought before turning to the girl and gesturing towards the door. She slowly nodded before languidly leaving the room, with Bart following behind.

"You know, I've really been looking forward to meeting you, Bart", she drawled.

"Who hasn't?" Bart smarmily replied. "Now, who might you be?"

"I'm Luna Lovegood."

"Nice to meet you, Luna", Bart replied as he shook her hand. "You're a firstie, right?"

She slowly nodded while scrutinising him with those big, bulbous eyes of hers.

"You know, you have lots of Nargles flying around you."

Bart inwardly groaned.

Oh great, I've met the wizarding Ralph. "Riiiiiigghht, the Nargles."

"Yes", Luna replied, not cottoning on to Bart's sarcasm. "And those boys you fought were full of Wrackspurts."

"Oh yeah, gotta have those."

"I get the feeling that you don't take me seriously."

"Oh no, I take you plenty seriously", Bart lied. Just like Ralph.

"Anyway, the Nargles keep taking my papers and shoes."

"Yeah, they'll do that."

"I don't know how they can, really. This necklace is meant to keep them away", she stated as she gestured towards her Butterbeer cork necklace.

Oh god, puh-leez kill me. "Well, you know what they say; a necklace a day keeps the Nargles away."

Luna nodded.

"Anyway, what's your favourite magical creature?"

Oh god, my kingdom for Ravenclaw Tower. "I dunno. I duped a giant once, so maybe them?"

"Oh yes, I read about that. You used a Confundus Charm didn't you?"

"I sure did", Bart slickly replied, finally liking where this conversation was going.

"Wow, that's really difficult", Luna noted with genuine admiration.

"Well, I am Bart Simpson. I'm not a celeb for nothing, you know", Bart replied, gesturing to himself for emphasis.

Luna nodded her agreement.

"Hmmmm. Well, my favourite magical creature is the Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

Bart stifled a laugh.

More like the Crud-Horned Snorcrap. "Yeah, I saw one of those in Australia."

Luna gasped.

"Really? But I heard that they only live in Sweden."

"Well, they live in Australia too."

"Did you take a photo?"

"Nah, I was too busy being chased by an angry mob."

Luna's eyes lit up with amusement.

"What for?"

"Fraud."

Luna giggled.

"I'll try to find one when I visit Australia."

"You do that." You whacko.

Finally, Ravenclaw Tower's entrance came into view, much to Bart's delight. But before he could bid farewell…

"Luna!"

The pair spun around.

Walking towards them was a Ravenclaw prefect with long, curly blonde hair.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!"

"Oh hello, Penelope. I've been talking to Bart. He's really nice. Did you know he saw a Crumple-Horned Snorkack in Australia?"

Penelope glared at Bart with obvious disapproval.

Gee sugar, who shat in your cornflakes? Bart thought, not recognising the older girl until…

"Wait a moment, you sat with Gemma on the train last year, didn't you?"

Penelope's look hardened further.

"Yes, I did. And you're the little toerag who assaulted Percy."

Bart rolled his eyes.

"Pfft, that loser's just an exhibitionist."

"I'm sure", Penelope scoffed before looking at Luna and softening her expression. "Simpson didn't hurt you, did he Luna?"

Luna looked positively alarmed.

"No, of course not. Like I said, he was really nice."

I doubt that. "If you say so, Luna. Have you found out who's been stealing your papers and shoes?"

"No, but I still think that it was the Nargles."

Penelope composed herself before continuing.

"Please tell me if you discover that it wasn't, OK?"

Luna eagerly nodded while Penelope's blue eyes carefully scrutinised Bart.

"How in Merlin's name did you manage to find Ravenclaw Tower, Simpson?"

Bart was momentarily thrown by the question, but he quickly composed himself.

"Terry Boot let it slip."

"He did, did he?" Penelope asked suspiciously.

"Yeah."

Penelope narrowed her eyes, obviously expecting Bart to break down and tell the truth. When he didn't, she relented, at least outwardly.

There's something not right about that explanation. I've never actually seen Simpson socialise with any Ravenclaws, much less Terry. That, and he's a devious little sneak. The Boots are old family friends of ours, so Terry will tell me the truth if I ask him.

"Fair enough", Penelope replied in a guarded tone. "You'd best be leaving for the dungeons. I expect that Farley will want to see you."

Gladly. "No problem", Bart replied as he made to leave.

"It was nice meeting you, Bart."

"You too, Luna", Bart lied.

As he journeyed back to the dungeons, one question dominated Bart's mind.

Did she believe me?

However, Harry would soon ask the questions when Bart sat in the common room and wrote to him.

"Hey Harry, I spoke to Jake about that repressed memory."

"What did he say?"

"He thinks it was a botched memory charm."

"But why would someone try to wipe my memory?"

"I dunno. Jake thinks that you were snooping on a confidential sale or something."

"Fair enough. So were you the Chaser or the Seeker?"

"The Chaser. Drain-o was the Seeker. That's why my teammates got those shiny new brooms."

"And you didn't?"

"That's right."

"So much for house unity."

"Yeah well, Drain-o thinks that I'm not a real Slytherin. That's why he and a bunch of his backup dancers tried to ambush me in the locker room."

"You're not hurt, are you?"

"Nah, I kicked their butts."

Bart could just picture Harry laughing his head off.

"So is Malfoy, um, any good?"

"Well, I caught the Snitch before he did, so no, I'd say that he sucks ass."

Bart pictured Harry whooping it up on the other end.

"That's good to hear. If I see or hear more strange things, I'll let you know."

"Speaking of strange, do you know a chick called Luna Lovegood?"

"No."

"Lucky boy."

"What do you mean?"

"I had to escort her back to Ravenclaw Tower. She was constantly crapping on about Nargles and Wrackspurts and stuff. Talk about being a few cans short of a six-pack."

"She seems like an interesting girl."

"Yeah, real interesting. Anyway, catch you later dude."

"You too."

Unfortunately for Harry, he would be hearing strange things much sooner than he expected, for when he lay in bed that night…

"I'm coming for you…to hurt you…to rip you…to tear you… to kill you…"

He shot straight out of bed as sweat streamed out of his pores. Indeed, his heart was this close to bursting from his chest, such was the terror that he felt.

What in the world was that?

Author's Notes for Chapter Six

Pretty eventful chapter there, with flying, fights and dialogue.

Marcus Flint is characterised as socially regressive (making sexist/bigoted comments), but not without Slytherin pragmatism.

Yes, Luna makes her first appearance. Unfortunately, there's no way Bart would take to her - they're completely different people.

Nargles = thief = alludes to Bart stealing Nevill's Remembrall

Wrackspurts = confusion = alludes to Bart causing confusion among his would-be Slytherin assailants

Canonically, Expelliarmus is always used to disarm people of light objects (wands) that are held with loose grips. It's not clear that it would be as effective against larger objects with more secure grips.

The Lumos spellbook comes from the Chamber of Secrets video game.

Designatoris is the actual Latin word for 'designator'.

Pyromania101: Thanks for giving me the ideas to introduce Luna and have Bart catch the Snitch before Draco. Canonically, I don't remember a teacher praising Bart for his schoolwork (Edna Krabappel giving him a D- doesn't count). He hasn't crossed Flitwick so far, so I don't see why he'd start now.

Monster King/James Songbird: Thanks.