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Chapter Two: Weakness
Inside the Dropship- Seven days before
Clarke sat on the floor in the center of the dropship, staring out of the open door into the dark rainy night. She was cold, shivering slightly, and wished she could start a fire to warm herself up. She still wore the clothing she went into battle wearing the day before. Tears leaked from her swollen blue eyes down her cheeks, mingling with the dirt and grim she hadn't bothered to wash away. She was sure that she looked pitiful; weak.
She didn't care though. In her mind all she could see were the burned faces of the people she killed. The children that she slaughtered. She had sacrificed over three hundred people to save forty-four of hers. People that she couldn't stand to be around. Some who had looked at her like she was a monster.
That's because she was a monster.
Her chest constricted, and she let out a loud sob. She wished she could take it back. If she had waited just a few more minutes, then they would be alive. Lexa and her people had come back. They had showed up and were fighting their way to her people. If only she had waited just a few more minutes.
But she had no choice. She knew this. She really did. Lexa had left her. She had taken the deal offered to her by the Mountain Men, and left her there to figure it out. She had betrayed her.
Except that she didn't. She had come back with warriors to fight. Lexa did what she had to do in order to save her people. She understood that, better now than she had just a few days ago. In that moment on the mountain the understanding her mind gave her wasn't enough. Because in that moment, it had been her heart that ached. It was still her heart that ached. It was her heart that felt betrayed.
Clarke feel into a fitful sleep, waking several time through the night because her dreams were haunted. As the sun started to rise, she gave up. She had allowed herself to have a night of pity, but she had to move. She knew it was only a matter of time before her mother started sending search parties out for her, and this was the first place they would look for her.
She didn't know where to go. There was no place she could go that would keep her hidden from them. She just couldn't see them yet. She needed time.
Clarke ventured out into the cold morning, grateful that the rain had stopped. She started walking in the direction that would take her further away from the Arc, and the search teams that were sure to be looking for her.
Hours past as she walked through the woods aimlessly, numb to what was around her, numb to the world. The sun was high in the sky before she realized where her feet were taking her. There she stood at the base of Mount Weather, looking up the giant hill with dread in her heart.
She didn't question why her subconscious had brought her the mountain. It would be useless to try and figure out. Instead, she walked towards the reaper tunnels, and made her way back into the mountain.
The smell of burnt, rotting bodies hit her senses as she stepped off the elevator on level five. Her breath hitched, and she used her jacket to cover the stench. Tears welled in her eyes as she walked toward the dining hall. Fear crept into her chest, and for a second she thought about turning back around and running out of the mountain.
She pushed herself to walk into that room. The room was as it was when she had seen it two days before. Every body was displayed out where they had been sitting to eat, reading, playing ball. Unlike the last time she had been in that room, she forced herself to look at every face. She walked around the room trying to put a name to any of the face she was seeing. She had only met a handful of people during her brief time with them.
In her mind she tried to figure out if each person had been a friend to their cause, or a foe. She tried to determine if they had been okay with what Cage was doing, or if they even knew.
Tears flowed freely from her eyes once more. She collapsed onto the floor where a little boy no older the three, who had died playing with blocks. He had been innocent. He did nothing to deserve to die like that, and yet she had killed him. She had killed them all.
Clarke spent the next day and half in that room, just staring at the bodies. It was in the early hours of the third day that she decided she couldn't just sit there and stare at them any longer. She had to do something. She couldn't just leave them there to rot.
For the next several hours Clarke drug body after body out of the mountain. She would load as many bodies as she could onto the lift and then bring it up to the ground level and drag them outside. By the time the sun rose over the mountain, Clarke was exhausted. Her body ached from dragging nearly thirty of her victims out. She was cold, tired, hungry, dehydrated, and about ready to collapse.
Still, she managed to drag another load of bodies out, before her body gave out. She laid on the cold grounds under a tree, and allowed her body to rest. She didn't sleep for long. She dreamt that the bodies she already dragged out of the mountain, raised from the dead and attacked her.
The nap gave her enough energy to make her way back into the building. She stopped at the kitchens to get a drink of water, relishing in the cold liquid as it coated her dry mouth and throat. She hadn't realized how thirsty she had gotten, nor how much her body craved food.
After eating an apple, she went back to work. For the next four days she repeated the same pattern over again. She would drag as many bodies out of the building as she could only stopping when her body could no longer hold her upright. She would sleep until her mind fought back, and ate and drank only when she felt ready to pass out from the lack of nutrients.
It took her three days to haul out the bodies in the mess hall, and another day searching the rest of the building for any people who died in other areas. Once she was sure she that she had all the bodies outside, she started preparing the funeral pyre.
During the process of removing the bodies, Clarke had decided that she was going to put the people to rest in grounder tradition. She knew that it would be dishonorable to the families of the Mountain Men's victims to bury the dead on their ground. It went against their beliefs, and it would serve as a constant reminder that the Mountain Men weren't gone. That their spirits remained to haunt them forever.
Three hundred and eighty people. Clarke had counted each body and check them off on a tree. Only a hand full of those people met there death from bullets, or an explosion. The rest had been from the radiation she let in.
All three hundred and eighty people were piled up in the clearing next to the door. Clarke wanted to build them a nice funeral pyre, but knew that wasn't going to happen. She didn't have the time or the energy to wrap the bodies, and there were just too many of them to build the nice pyre like the villagers of TonDC had built. She would try to build one as nice as she could.
She went back into the mountain and retrieved a shovel. She then found a spot flat enough and big enough to shovel a hole about a foot deep and in the shape of a rectangle. Once the hole had been dug to her liking, she drug fallen tree branches into the hole and laid them out nicely. After the hole had been completely filled with branches she start dragging the bodies the pyre, and laid them out as nicely as she could, stacking them on top on one another once room ran out.
Once the bodies were in place she went and got more branches to cover the bodies, so the fire wound consume from them from all angles. After all the bodies were heavily covered with tree branches, Clarke went and drug large rocks to line the pyre with. That way the fire couldn't spread through the woods.
The sun was high in the sky by the time she finished. She was exhausted, and near ready to collapse. All she had to do was light the pyre on fire and allow the spirits to pass to the next life. She pulled the box of matches she had found out of her pocket, and looked at the long box.
She lite the long match and whispered, "Yu gonplei ste odon," before bending over and lighting the kindling on fire. She repeated the process a dozen more times until the pile of bodies were consumed by the flames. Black smoke billowed into the afternoon sky, swirling in the soft breeze.
Clarke couldn't help but imagine the souls of her victims rising high in the sky through the black smoke. She stood there watching the pile burn, numb to the world around her.
Lexa growled in frustration. The sun was already high in the sky, and they had yet to reach the mountain. They had left camp much later then she had wanted to because of the Skaikru's interruptions. First, Bellamy had trouble getting on the horse and staying there. It took him three tries till he finally managed to not lose his balance.
The five riders were making their way to the gates when Abby came running from Arc, demanding that the gates not be opened. She refused to allow the gate to open until Lexa allowed her to look at her leg. She followed Abby into the arc after attempting refuse several times. They were already behind schedule, and arguing with Abby was getting her nowhere.
Finally they were able to leave, but not without a few extra people. Abby had refused to let them leave without at least two of the Arc's guard with her. Lexa quickly realized what Abby was doing. The older woman didn't trust her, and instead of fighting her on it, she left two female guards climb on the back of Octavia and Lincoln's horses.
The ride was bumpy and tough for the inexperienced Skaikru, and the group found themselves stopping several time along the way to allow them to rest their sore muscles. Bellamy had even fallen off his horse at one point because he hadn't seen a low hanging tree branch until he was on the ground staring up at it.
Lexa had the good fortune of being directly behind Bellamy when that happened, and had damn near laughed when she saw it. She had kept her composure though. Barely.
They were nearing their destination when Lincoln spotted black smoke billowing over the trees. Lexa followed his line of sight and cursed in trigdasleng. She knew exactly where the smoke was coming from. She and Indra took of up the mountain in the direction of the smoke, with the remaining group following behind at a slower speed.
Lexa reached the clearing first and dismounted her horse before her horse had even stopped moving. She ran towards the burning pyre. There stood the reason she was on the god forsaken mountain. Clarke was standing in front of the pyre staring up at the billowing smoke. She hadn't heard Lex and Indra approach on their horses, nor did she hear Lexa's footsteps.
Lexa gently laid her hand on Clarke's shoulder. The blonde was startled to have somebody touching her, but even more so to find it was Lexa. It had been a week since she looked at those green eyes. "What took you so long?" She asked lightly.
"Your mother used her medicine to keep me asleep while I healed. I only woke yesterday," Lexa said. She lowered her hand. "Our people have been looking for you."
"I've been here," Clarke said. "You knew where I was."
"Yes. They didn't think you would come back here," Lexa explained.
"I didn't think I would come back here," Clarke admitted quietly. "I just started walking and ended up here. Then I couldn't leave. I couldn't just leave them there to rot. I had to set them free."
"And you have," Lexa said. "But it didn't free you."
"No. It hasn't."
"It will get easier," Lexa stated.
"By shutting my feelings off," Clarke angrily stated. "I am not you Lexa. I won't hide from them like you. Not this time."
"Your anger is justified. However, that is not what I meant. You were right about what you said to me in the tent. I do hide from my emotions. Love is not weakness. Love is what gave you the strength to save your people. I am not you however. I do not have the luxury of submitting to my heart. You do, and I think that is why you are stronger then I."
"I am weak. I took the easiest way out of this war and it cost nearly four hundred lives."
"You did what you had to do in order to save your people. You did what even I could not accomplish. My people have been terrorized by the mountain for fifty years. They have taken, tortured, killed, and turned my men into reapers. Thousands of lives over the last fifty years have been taken because of those people. Thousands of families have been destroyed, and thousands of my people have lived in fear. Now we can have peace, for you have saved us all. You have save thousands of future victims, and you have saved families from being destroyed. You are anything but weak."
Clarke looked at Lexa, and for the first time in four days she cried. She cried for the people she killed, and for the people that the mountain men killed. She cried for the families who lost loved ones at the hands of the mountain men. She cried for Jasper who was hurting because she killed his love, and she cried for herself.
After a week of pushing herself physical father then she had ever been, not sleeping properly, and barely eating and drink, she was exhausted. Her knees buckled underneath her, and she would have fallen to the ground had it not been for Lexa's quick reflexes.
It was then that Lexa could see how thin and weak Clarke looked. Her clothing hung loosely from her body, there were dark circles under her eyes, and her lips were dry and cracking. She looked over her shoulder to where Indra was standing with the rest of their party, and yelled for her canteen.
Indra uncorked the leather pouch and handed it to her leader. Lexa gently put the lip of the bottle to Clarke's mouth and instructed her to drink. Clarke did as she was instructed. Lexa didn't allow her to stop until the entire canteen had been emptied.
"Lincoln, put her on my horse," she commanded.
Bellamy moved his horse closer to hem as Lincoln moved to pick up Clarke. "What are you going to do with her?"
Lexa stood up and glared at the man and his distrust. "I am going to take her back to the Arc, and her mother."
"Then give her to me," He demanded confidently. "You are the reason she is like this. You've done enough."
Lexa's glare turned dangerously hard. "You can barely stay on that horse with just yourself upon it. What makes you think I can trust you to balance Clarke without knocking both of you off?"
Bellamy looked embarrassed by her question. "Then allow Octavia to take her."
"Leave me out of this bro. If Heda wants to take her, let her. There is no use fighting it."
Bellamy looked around the group weighing his options. "Fine."
Lexa nodded her head at Lincoln, and watched as her place Clarke on the laying horse. She waited as the horse raised itself up, and then climbed on behind her. She wrapped her arms around the blonde and made Clarke lean back against her.
"Octavia, Lincoln, stay with the Skaikru and make sure the bodies are all burned, and the fire doesn't spread. Then meet us back as Camp Jaha."
Clarke shifted in Lexa's arms. "No," she said weakly. "Don't take me back there. I can't. Please."
"Very well," Lexa said. "I will take you to TonDC."
Bellamy rode his horse closer to them. "No way. You're taking her to Camp Jaha."
"I am taking her where she wishes to go," Lexa said, and then turned back to her warrior. "Take the Skaikru home and then both of you are to return to the village by sundown tomorrow. There is much to discuss."
She then turned to Indra. "Ride to camp Jaha and bring Abby to TonDC. Tell her to bring the bags she used to keep me with water while I slept. She will know what I am talking about."
"Sha Heda," Indra said and turned and took off.
Lexa looked at Bellamy. "Ride if you choose, but you must keep up. I will not stop if you knock ourself out."
Bellamy scoffed, but followed Lexa regardless of her warning.
The soothing sensation of a wet rag being wiped over her face woke Clarke from a deep slumber. She gently opened her eyes to see Lexa was the one wiping her face clean. She looked around at her surroundings in confusion.
"We're outside of TonDC in my tent," Lexa said softly.
Clarke attempted to sit up, but Lexa pushed her back down. "You need to rest. You burn hot from a fever."
Clarke looked confused, she had felt weak from exhausting herself out over the last week, but she hadn't felt sick. "I was fine before you brought me here." Her words were spoken as a fact, instead of an accusation.
"You were dehydrated, starving, and cold. You worked tirelessly to accomplish your goal and neglected yourself. You probably didn't realize that you were growing ill."
"How long have we been here?"
Lexa rung the cloth out, and placed it on Clarke's forehead. "Two days. Your mother allowed Nyko to fill your nutrient bag with herbs to allow you to sleep peacefully."
"My nutrient bag?" Clarke questioned curiously.
Lexa pointed to the bag hanging off of her head board. Clarke looked and realized what Lexa talking about. She hadn't even noticed the IV tube in her right hand. "She was here a few hours ago to replace the bag. She didn't let Nyko to put the herbs in this one because she gave you a shot and didn't want them to have a counterproductive reaction. We have much to teach each other."
"I would like to spend time with Nyko once I'm better. If that's okay?" Clarke said. She relaxed into the warm furs. Her body felt cold, and her head hurt. She probably caught a cold from sleeping outside during the cold nights.
"That will be fine Clarke," Lexa said. She stood up and walked into the main room of the tent to speak with her guards, and then returned as quickly as she left. "I've sent for Nyko and your mother."
"No. I don't want to see her," Clarke said, and tried to sit up again.
Lexa pushed her back down. "She is your mother Clarke, She has been by your side for two days waiting for your illness to ease. She only left because of a disturbance at Camp Jaha."
"Is everyone alright?"
"Sha," Lexa said, nodding her head as she spoke. "Not everyone at Camp Jaha is accepting the presence of my warriors welcomingly. A few have started fights they could not win with my men, and more are refusing to learn what my people try to teach them. They are not taking kindly to my warriors retreat from the mountain."
"Can you blame them?" Clarke asked coldly.
Lexa didn't flinch at the cold tone. "No I cannot. They are weak, and do not understand the choices that must be made."
"Am I weak? I don't understand the choice you made. I don't understand why you couldn't follow the plan."
"No Clarke. You are anything but weak," Lexa said softly, and busied herself by replacing the rag on Clarke's head with a clean one. "We would have lost, if I didn't take that deal. I would have lost too many of my people, and you would have lost too many of yours."
"We could have spared many more lives if we stuck to the plan," Clarke insisted.
"No. Emerson showed me my people on the inside. They were trapped, and about to be shot. All of them," Lexa said. "They were the reason I was there. What victory would it have been if all of my people had been slaughtered? They mountain would have remained, and our people would all have died. I took the deal to save them, but I had no intention of letting them win. I gave them a false sense of victory. I gave you a chance to rise to your strength, and you did. You destroyed the mountain. You won this war. You save both our people."
"At what cost?"
"Victory rides on the back of sacrifice. This time it was you who had to sacrifice a piece of your soul to win. I have stood where you are Clarke. I have looked down on the massacre that I ordered in distraught. A war waged between my head and my heart for weeks, before I realized what I did was right for my people. I do what needs to be done, no matter what pain it costs me."
"But you hide behind a mask and pretend that you don't care," Clarke stated.
"I must appear strong, even when I am weak," Lexa said.
Clarke looked at Lexa sadly. "Life should be about more than just surviving," She said, mimicking her words from a week before.
"One day it will be," Lexa said confidently. "Peace has been a dream of every Heda before me, but none has been this close to achieving it. I have already brought twelve warring clans together as one people, and soon I will bring Skaikru into the fold as well. There is one war that may need to be won, and then peace will be upon us."
"And what are going to do about my people if they don't fall in line?" Clarke asked, fearful of the answer.
"They will fall in line. Once they see that we are no threat to them. That all we want is to help them survive here. My people are very grateful to you Clarke. They wish the Skaikru no ill will."
"Heda?" came a voice from outside Lexa's private quarters.
"Enter Nyko," Lexa said, and moved away from the bed.
Nyko enter the room with a bow to each of them. He carried a bowl in his hands and a knapsack over his shoulders. He set the bowl down on the table next to the bed and pulled his knapsack off. He pulled out a thin glass stick and handed it to Clarke. She opened her mouth and place the thermometer under her tongue.
Lexa and Nyko waited in silence for the thermometer to read Clarke's temperature. After what felt like a year of awkward silence, Clarke finally pulled the thermometer out of her mouth and read the digit. "Thirty-eight degrees."
"That is good. Right Nyko? It was thirty-nine earlier," Lexa said eagerly.
"Sha Heda," Nyko said, as he took the thermometer back and placed it back in its holder. It was then that Clarke noticed Nyko's knapsack was actually her mothers. Nyko pulled out a wrist watch and looked at the face. His face scrunched in confusion, and then smile softly when he understood what it read. "I must give you a shot now, Skaiprisa. I am sorry if it hurts."
"That's fine Nyko. I'm sure you will do fine," Clarke said. She tried not to let her pain from the needle show. Shots didn't normally hurt all that much, but her skin felt like it was on fire from the fever.
"Soup," Nyko said, pointing to the bowl. "Eat. It will help ease you head."
"Thank you Nyko," Clarke gratefully said.
"You are welcome Skaiprisa. I must go tend to others. I will return in a few hours." Nyko said, and then bowed before leaving.
Clarke went to sit up again, and this time Lexa helped her, instead of pushing her back down. Lexa picked up the bowl and handed it to Clarke, who took it gratefully. Her stomach hurt from the lack of food it had received for over a week.
She ate in silence, thinking over what Lexa had said to her. She understood why Lexa did it. She knew now better than anyone the sacrifices that had to be made in order to keep her people safe. Nobody was going to understand why Clarke killed all those people. Only Lexa could understand. The memory of Lexa leaving her on the mountain was still fresh in her mind, and the hurt she felt in that moment hadn't faded. She was comforted by the thought that Lexa had come back, but she was still angry at the brunette.
She finished the boar and potato soup, and set the bowl to the side. Her head felt slightly better because of the steaming stew. She suspected that the shot Nyko gave her was pain relievers. She settled back into the warm furs.
"Are you comfortable?" Lexa asked.
"Yes," Clarke said softly.
"Is there anything you need, or would like?"
Clarke looked at Lexa and smiled at her eagerness to help her. The commander was still there, but a softer side to Lexa was peeking through the tough exterior. "I'm fine Lexa."
"How about a bath? I can send Rae to draw you a bath. It should help you feel better. I always feel better after a bath," Lexa said quickly and stood up. Before Clarke could even reply, Lexa as walking out of the tent.
"I guess I'm going to get a bath," Clarke muttered to herself, slightly amused by the commander's antics. She pushed herself up, throwing the war fur off of her, and moved to the edge of the bed. She noted that she was no longer in her blue shirt or her jeans, but a pair of sweet pants and a clean t-shirt. They weren't worn and frayed like the clothing on the arc.
Lexa returned just as Clarke went to stand. She moved closer and helped Clarke up, and carefully walked her to the bath hut. Thankfully it had been spared by the missile. She sat Clarke on a stool, and hung the bag off a bar holding the curtains up. She then turned to dismiss Rae.
Clarke looked around the dimly light hut curiously. There were a dozen steel tubs sitting in two rows of six, with privacy curtains surrounding each tub. There a large drum sitting in the back of the hut, that Clarke assumed held water in it. She had never used the baths here, opting to clean herself up at the Arc instead.
"I will step out so you can have some privacy. I will be on the other side of the curtain if you need anything." Lexa stepped away from Clarke and drew the curtain closed. "Your mother said to keep your hand dry."
Clarke looked at the closed curtain numbly, and began to undress slowly. Her head was pounding, and she was feeling a light headed. Whatever sickness she caught seemed to be kicking her ass. She finally managed to rid herself of her clothing, and sank into the steaming water. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of her nasal passages opening up, relieving some of the pressure in her head.
She washed her body, eager to remove any trace of the last week off her skin. Her head was easily the hardest to wash, since she wasn't able to submerge her right hand. She thought about asking Lexa to help her with it, but thoughts of their kiss filled her mind. She didn't know how she felt about Lexa, not after she left her on the mountain, but she did know that she didn't want Lexa to see her naked body.
With her hair as clean as she could get it, she exited the tub. A chill swept over her as she reached for a large cloth to dry herself. Her head started to hurt more intensely without the steaming water to sooth it, and her vision swirled slightly. She grabbed onto the chair to steady herself. Nausea over took her and she leaned over and vomited into a bucket next to the tub.
Lexa, who had been standing just outside the curtains, asked if Clarke was okay.
When she got no response, she stepped into the curtained off area. Her breath hitched slightly at the sight of Clarke's naked body hunched over a bucket. In an instant she was across the small area and threw a drying cloth over Clarke as she continued to vomit into the bucket.
"It's okay Clarke," she said, as she rubbed soothing circles onto Clarkes back. Once Clarke finished vomiting she stood up, wrapping the large drying cloth around her body. "Do you feel better?"
"I was until I got out of the bath," Clarke said weakly.
"We should get you back to bed," Lexa said. She looked back to the curtain unsure if she should leave Clarke alone or not.
"I'll be fine Lexa," Clarke said softly. "It's passed for now."
"Very well," Lexa nodded, and stepped back outside the curtains.
Clarke found grounder clothing waiting for her. She picked up the articles to inspect them. A pair of underwear that were similar to the boxer short the boys on the arc wear went on first. The underwear fit her body snug but were comfortable. Next came soft pants that were warm and fluffy on the inside. They were much like the ones she had removed before her bath. A clean grey t-shirt accompanied the sweet pants. Her socks and shoes came last, and were the hardest to get on, only because her dizziness had resumed when she bent over.
Lexa smiled softly at Clarke once she emerged from behind the curtain. "Come, I will braid your hair, and then we will get you back to bed."
Clarke smiled softly at the Commander. "That sounds nice."
As they walk the short distance back to Lexa's tent, Clarke looked around the village. They were in a clearing high above the ruins of Ton DC. Tents were placed in random order around the camp.
"My people are still clearing away the rubble from the missile. All the dead have been accounted for and burned on the funeral pyre. There is still much work to be done before the village can be rebuilt."
"My people can help," Clarke said.
"Thank you Clarke, but for now there is not much that can be done. There is still much debate over the type of structures that are to be built. Besides, it is my people who should be helping yours. Winter will be here before you know it, and the Skaikru must be prepared. Once Camp Jaha is fit for winter then we can discuss your people helping with Ton DC."
Lexa pulled the flap to her tent back and allowed Clarke to enter first. She sat at her throne and motioned for Clarke to sit between her feet. Clarke sat, and allowed Lexa to drag a brush through her hair. Soft fingers treaded through her hair, gently pulling at strands to make the braids. "Who braids your hair?" Clarke asked.
"Indra has braided my hair during battle since I took the Heda spirit," Lexa said softly. "She says it is her honor."
"And what about when you're not at war? Who does it then?"
Lexa was quiet for a few minutes before she finally spoke. "Costia, braided my hair for many years before she was taken from me. Since then, no one person has braided my hair while at home. Sometimes I allow my family, other times I allow my servants, and a few time I have allowed the children I teach to braid my hair." She paused and then quietly said, "I wish to have just one person braid my hair every day."
It was in that moment that Clarke realized how intimate braiding somebodies hair was. To could hear Lexa's unspoken words loudly. She knew that Lexa wished for that person to be her, and she didn't know how she felt about that. There had been a spark when Lexa kissed her. That was something that she couldn't deny. She had been very clear that she wasn't ready to be with anybody. That held true now more than ever. She needed to get her head and her heart straighten out before she could jump into anything with Lexa.
"I need time, Lexa," Clarke said quietly.
Lexa's hands halted. "I know," she said somewhat unsurely.
"I just need to be clear. I need you to understand that I'm not ready to be with anybody."
Lexa slowly started to braid Clarke's hair again. "Is this is because of what happened on the mountain?"
"Yes and no," Clarke said, confusing Lexa in the process. "I understand why you did it. It hurt me when you left and that hurt still lingers. I killed Finn for my people and I killed the people inside the mountain for them. I did it to save them. My head says that I did what was right, that I should forget those people and move on, but my heart aches for them. It aches for what I did to them. I have to get my heart to accept what I did before I can allow anybody inside."
"I will give you the time you need, and if you choose, I will be here waiting," Lexa said. She dropped the last braid and placed her hand on Clarke's shoulder. "I have been where you are. I have struggled as you are now, and I am here if you need me. For anything."
Clarke placed her left hand over Lexa's right and looked back at her. "Thank you," she said sincerely.